Jessica & Ryan D

[Bella]

Talk about Jessica and Ryan D separately or together here.

[Bella]

You have no idea how tempted I was to call him "Ryan Douche" in the first post here. Maybe his initial immaturity was due to nerves. I sure hope so, because I like Jessica and feel she deserves better.

[kaypretzels]

I remember he's Ryan "D" because he's a "D bag"

I'll be surprised if he manages to change my mind.

Edited April 3, 2015 by kaypretzels

[davetheman]

I think Jessica is cute, but she is a urban model and those chicks have a certain reputation "The Game - Wouldn't Get Far" So I'm keeping my eye on her, to see if how she really is before I put her up on the pedestal.

[Passthepopcorn]

I think she is so ready to be a Mrs. that right now she is over the moon she made it. The dress, the honeymoon, the ring, showing up with her husband to Christmas dinner, having someone to talk to. That is why she is so smiley. All those visions got frustrated with her past long term fiancé.

Once that wears off and realizes who she is with (a stranger) there will be a lot of work to do. I hope it is not too rough.

I find her a real sweet family girl. I never saw her as a model, she seems like the girl next door to me. Good luck!

[Passthepopcorn]

The reason I think having sex the first night was a mistake (IMHO) is: this guy needs a challenge (his own Mom said it), this was too easy. It's like someone gave you this girl you didn't even pick yourself and she was ready for you. I think he is the kind of guy who would have benefited from having to work hard for it.

In a way, I see, maybe (in his mind) this aggressive energy to conquer and now what to do with it...

[davetheman]

The reason I think having sex the first night was a mistake (IMHO) is: this guy needs a challenge (his own Mom said it), this was too easy. It's like someone gave you this girl you didn't even pick yourself and she was ready for you. I think he is the kind of guy who would have benefited from having to work hard for it.

In a way, I see, maybe (in his mind) this aggressive energy to conquer and now what to do with it...

 

I don't think having to work to sleep with your wife is a ideal path to take though.

If you are marreid and all in why try to make someone earn the right to sleep with you, seems kind of underhanded to me.

 

I think the challenge his mom might have been talking about is more life orientated and of the mental variety.

Some guys need a woman in their life to buckle down and lock-in on what they want to do professionally and challenge them to do better than what they are.

Right now I'm going to choose to believe that is where his mom was coming from.

[Passthepopcorn]

I don't think having to work to sleep with your wife is a ideal path to take though.

If you are marreid and all in why try to make someone earn the right to sleep with you, seems kind of underhanded to me.

 

I think the challenge his mom might have been talking about is more life orientated and of the mental variety.

Some guys need a woman in their life to buckle down and lock-in on what they want to do professionally and challenge them to do better than what they are.

Right now I'm going to choose to believe that is where his mom was coming from.

I don't mean it as "earn the right to sleep with your wife".  She is his wife in paper, but she is a stranger. Some people like the challenge of earning their trust and love first. Sex on attraction only is not so meaningful or rewarding.

[davetheman]

I don't mean it as "earn the right to sleep with your wife".  She is his wife in paper, but she is a stranger. Some people like the challenge of earning their trust and love first. Sex on attraction only is not so meaningful or rewarding.

I get what you are saying, its just I don't think not having sex vs having sex means anything.

The only thing that really matters is the work you are committed to making it work. IMHO

[shopper73]

If you read books by other experts such as john gray (men are from mars...) men need to pursue. So it is true that having sex right away would make a man lose some interest.

[Jellybeans]

Can't stand Ryan D.

I don't like him for Jessica, she's a delight. I love people who laugh. He makes me cringe.

[ElectricCityy]

I don't think they should have put a woman as insecure and vulnerable as Jessica with a guy that is so very high school (maturity wise). Guys like him turn women off and only the desperate ones will put up with the constant teasing. I'm starting to think Jessica and the other Ryan would've been a good match. He is playful without dissing on his wife constantly. But she wanted a man that "wore the pants" and he's too passive so she got the aggressive jerk.

[Passthepopcorn]

I get what you are saying, its just I don't think not having sex vs having sex means anything.

The only thing that really matters is the work you are committed to making it work. IMHO

Agree. Sex in only one part of the whole growth as a couple. But it is an important milestone. To each their own on how they reach that milestone. I just have the feeling that he will get bored in no time. There was no time to long for it or pursue it.

[davetheman]

If you read books by other experts such as john gray (men are from mars...) men need to pursue. So it is true that having sex right away would make a man lose some interest.

As a man I wouldn't take anything like Men need to do ___________, as gospel, matter of fact I would disregard it.

Men are different, just like women.

[shopper73]

Men resist being understood by "experts" but I still think it is true. However, this is not the only thing going on with Ryan D for sure! The main problem is him!!

[okerry]

The reason I think having sex the first night was a mistake (IMHO) is: this guy needs a challenge (his own Mom said it), this was too easy. It's like someone gave you this girl you didn't even pick yourself and she was ready for you. I think he is the kind of guy who would have benefited from having to work hard for it.

In a way, I see, maybe (in his mind) this aggressive energy to conquer and now what to do with it...

It's not politically correct to say so, but men don't marry their one-night stands. And unfortunately, that's what both Monet and Jessica allowed themselves to become. The very next morning, both Vaughn and Ryan had checked out and were treating their wives with nothing but disrespect. If the women had insisted on waiting at least a few days, or a couple of weeks, things *might* have been different. But they didn't wait and both men reacted exactly the same way.

 

If nothing else, this "social experiment" is very very interesting for stuff like this.

[davetheman]

It's not politically correct to say so, but men don't marry their one-night stands. And unfortunately, that's what both Monet and Jessica allowed themselves to become. The very next morning, both Vaughn and Ryan had checked out and were treating their wives with nothing but disrespect. If the women had insisted on waiting at least a few days, or a couple of weeks, things *might* have been different. But they didn't wait and both men reacted exactly the same way.

 

If nothing else, this "social experiment" is very very interesting for stuff like this.

 

One night stands indicates one night stands.

these aren't one night stands, these are married couples.

 

These generalizations of men are silly though. The reason Vaughn and Monet failed is because they were incompatible, a combination of mistated wants from each partner, along with a unwillingness to change to make it work.

 

When you have sex haas very little to do with the success of a relationship.

[okerry]

>>>One night stands indicates one night stands.

these aren't one night stands, these are married couples.

 

Technically, yes, they are married couples. But that's only a formality. The brain knows that but the emotions don't. A woman who has sex with a man less than 24 hours after meeting him is still going to feel like a one-night stand, regardless of the formalities.

 

>>>When you have sex haas very little to do with the success of a relationship.

 

Oh, I will completely disagree with you on that. Men might want to believe that, but women learn the hard way all the time that it really is true.

 

It's certainly true that Vaughn and Monet might have failed anyway even if they'd waited a couple of weeks for sex, but they made failure a virtual certainty by having sex within hours of meeting. And I'll be very, very surprised if Ryan and Jessica end up staying together even for the full six weeks.

 

[davetheman]

Technically, yes, they are married couples. But that's only a formality. The brain knows that but the emotions don't. A woman who has sex with a man less than 24 hours after meeting him is still going to feel like a one-night stand, regardless of the formalities.

 

The fact that they are married means they aren't a one night stand, they are in a relationship, not just a one night and never see the person again situation, so the comparison of sleeping together the first night to a one night stand just doesn't fit IMHO. As for emotions and the brain, everyone is different, if that is the way you would react that is understandable, but you can project your actions on others and then say its the norm.

 

 

 

Oh, I will completely disagree with you on that. Men might want to believe that, but women learn the hard way all the time that it really is true.

It's certainly true that Vaughn and Monet might have failed anyway even if they'd waited a couple of weeks for sex, but they made failure a virtual certainty by having sex within hours of meeting. And I'll be very, very surprised if Ryan and Jessica end up staying together even for the full six weeks.

 

I'm sorry but as a man, your statement is funny to me because it is so obviously false. Again to claim that you can speak for all men or claim that you know what men really believe as someon who isn't a man is pretty crazy to me.

 

As for Monet and Vaughn, if they waited 2 weeks to have sex the relationship still would have failed, their situation had nothing to do with sex at all, it was IMHO a gay man trying to be straight and who didn't really want to change to be in a relationship with a woman who asked for something she really didn't want because she didn't know at the time what she really wanted.

 

This notion that men don't care about a woman if they have sex the first night or early is really crazy to me though.

[roamyn]

Whoah...Vaughn is gay? I didn't see the 1st season, but I've heard a lot abt it.

I didn't know that. No wonder they failed.

[sleekandchic]

You have no idea how tempted I was to call him "Ryan Douche" in the first post here. Maybe his initial immaturity was due to nerves. I sure hope so, because I like Jessica and feel she deserves better.

Ha! I did call him the big D in my first post of season 2! See March 17, 10:05 pm here: http://forums.previously.tv/topic/23742-s02e00-matchmaking-special-s02e01-wedding-preparations/

It's a word I usually avoid but it seemed so right. :( Maybe he will prove us wrong!

[sleekandchic]

Whoah...Vaughn is gay? I didn't see the 1st season, but I've heard a lot abt it.

I didn't know that. No wonder they failed.

That was just speculation by some. Vaughn says he is straight, and he talked a bit to Monet in a couple of episodes about the different women he dated.

I just thought he was a coddled mama's boy who expected Monet to be a surrogate mom (cooking, cleaning, bowing to his every demand) rather than an equal partner. And Monet was an independent, strong career woman. They were a terrible match. He began complaining and withdrawing on their honeymoon!

[Neurochick]

I think the problem with Ryan D is that he's not as hot as he thinks he is.

[Jellybeans]

If you read books by other experts such as john gray (men are from mars...) men need to pursue. So it is true that having sex right away would make a man lose some interest.

I forgot all about John Gray! I do remember reading his book but I was not thrilled with him. He appeared to group all men the same way as well as women.

No offense, but I think John is a little chauvinist. Ahem.

[shopper73]

Well, he acknowledged differences between men and women at a time after feminism that said "we are all equal meaning we are the same" which I don't believe. I don't think it is chauvinistic to say that men react differently or have different emotional needs.

I still think the smart women hold off a bit sexually, even inside this marriage experiment.

One poster said that women learn this lesson about men all the time, and I agree.

[Snarklepuss]

This notion that men don't care about a woman if they have sex the first night or early is really crazy to me though.

 

I think it depends on the maturity level and sophistication of the man involved.  I had sex the first night with Mr. Snarklepuss and 35 years later, we're still together.  Then again, I knew he was "the one" at first sight (well at first meeting anyway).  Sounds cliche and like a fairy tale but it really did happen to me.  As far as Ryan D goes, he is definitely NOT mature enough nor sophisticated enough to be able to handle sex on the first night with a woman without it somehow messing things up in other areas.  If the guy is really ready for a relationship it doesn't matter when you have sex with him.  It's like "Sex and the City" - Men are like taxicabs, when their light is on, they're ready.  Well, Ryan's light is NOT on.  He's not ready for Ms. Right, only Ms. Right Now.  And THAT's why having sex with a guy like that on the first night is not a good idea.  Of course, you don't know if he's like that until you get to know him, so it's probably best to wait.  Unless you had the instant amazing feeling I had in which I just KNEW Mr. Snarklepuss' light was on and that he was the one.  Which I admit I could have been wrong about, but then again, I was never so sure in my life.

Re: John Gray - Yes, there are differences between men and women in general, but he took it to the point of making a stereotype out of each gender.  So yeah and no to him.  I think he did more to perpetuate outdated sexual roles than he did to enlighten people about the differences between the male and female brains.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[davetheman]

I think it depends on the maturity level and sophistication of the man involved.  I had sex the first night with Mr. Snarklepuss and 35 years later, we're still together.  Then again, I knew he was "the one" at first sight (well at first meeting anyway).  Sounds cliche and like a fairy tale but it really did happen to me.  As far as Ryan D goes, he is definitely NOT mature enough nor sophisticated enough to be able to handle sex on the first night with a woman without it somehow messing things up in other areas.  If the guy is really ready for a relationship it doesn't matter when you have sex with him.  It's like "Sex and the City" - Men are like taxicabs, when their light is on, they're ready.  Well, Ryan's light is NOT on.  He's not ready for Ms. Right, only Ms. Right Now.  And THAT's why having sex with a guy like that on the first night is not a good idea.  Of course, you don't know if he's like that until you get to know him, so it's probably best to wait.  Unless you had the instant amazing feeling I had in which I just KNEW Mr. Snarklepuss' light was on and that he was the one.  Which I admit I could have been wrong about, but then again, I was never so sure in my life.

Re: John Gray - Yes, there are differences between men and women in general, but he took it to the point of making a stereotype out of each gender.  So yeah and no to him.  I think he did more to perpetuate outdated sexual roles than he did to enlighten people about the differences between the male and female brains.

I think it depends on the maturity level of both involved, not just the men.

That would be the only thing I would disagree with.

 

That and Ryan, we don't know much about who he is as a person yet, so I'll reserve whether he is immature or a douche until I see more.

[okerry]

Am watching the "Honeymoons" episode. Ryan D is a complete and total dickwad. From what they're showing us, he's borderline abusive to Jessica. His cruel pranks are making her angry, embarrassed, and miserable. That's not being "playful" or "affectionate." That's being an ass to someone who's trying to trust you. He has no respect for Jessica at all, and it shows. Run, girl. Run.

[sleekandchic]

Omg, Ryan D is worse than I imagined. How did he slip through the process? Poor Jessica.

Edited April 8, 2015 by sleekandchic

[Snarklepuss]

I think it depends on the maturity level of both involved, not just the men.

That would be the only thing I would disagree with.

 

That and Ryan, we don't know much about who he is as a person yet, so I'll reserve whether he is immature or a douche until I see more.

 

No, I agree with you, it's both, but we were talking about whether it's bad for a woman to have sex with a GUY on the first night, so I was referring to the guy's maturity.  Of course it does depend on the woman's maturity too.

 

I do think we disagree about Ryan, though.  I think we have seen enough of his repeatedly immature, douchey behavior to render an opinion.  I see potential in him, but I'm just not convinced he's a good candidate for marriage right now or marriage to Jessica in particular.  I would need to see more maturity from him to believe it's going to work in the long haul.

[Pepper Mostly]

Poor Jessica. This is what she gets for saying she wants a man to wear the pants, I guess. To the "experts" this means a wildly insecure douchebro who only knows how to show a girl he likes her by putting a frog down her back. Then go high five his bros and mock her: "why so sensitive? Its a joke!". Guys like him make me sick. She should RUN not walk away from this asshat.

Edited April 8, 2015 by Pepper Mostly

[JapMo]

I think these two kids are going to be OK.  There's a lot of negativity towards RR on this site, and I can see some of what people are talking about, but abusive?  That's a pretty strong word.  Physical or emotional...I don't see it.  Yeah, he's sophomoric, has a bit of an ego and can come off as a jerkwad sometimes, but based on last night's episode, he's also very sweet and seems to really be smitten with Jessica.  I do believe he's in it for the long haul, but he definitely needs one of the experts to give him a good talking to.  Now's the time to put aside his bachelor me-first ways and start thinking as a couple, and he hasn't done that yet.  Not surprising.  It took my late husband all of the 32 years we had together on this earth to change his ways.  But I was right there every step of the way trying to "enlighten" him, LOL.  It's going to take him awhile to realize she is a delicate girl and isn't in to his silly hijinks.  Just because that's how he shows people he cares doesn't mean that's the right way for her.  By the same token, Jessica will need to toughen up a little for him (which she was trying to do last night, bless her heart) if she wants to keep up with him.  He's really big on proving he's a man.  He's given his definition of a man several times (being a provider, a good husband, father, etc), and made a comment that swimming with the dolphins wasn't manly (even though he seemed to really like it after he was there).  Yeah, that's something he's going to have to work on, but I don't believe that's reason to throw in the towel.  He's also going to have to work on finesse.  He kind of opens his mouth sometimes and stupid things come out, like the tattoo thing (although we didn't hear exactly what he said at the end of the show, but it definitely hurt Jessica).  Yes, he's a work in progress, but I don't think Jessica should give up on him yet.  He'll come around...I think he is starting to realize she's a pretty good catch.

[Gigi43]

I thought Ryan D and Jessica were going to be like Vaughn and Monet, especially because I think neither really knew what they wanted (well is finding out what they said they wanted isn't actually what they want now that they have it.) However, as assy as Vaughn could be, Monet could "handle" him (and it seemed like that was one of Vaughn's problems she wouldn't just sit and take his crap.) I think Ryan is quickly becoming too much for Jessica. She seems like the type to let one good day negate being dumped the rest of the week, y'know? I wouldn't say Ryan is abusive, he just a jerk and an immature one at that. I felt for Jessica with the water because I'm terrified of the ocean and revving the engine Ryan has no relationship, no built up trust with Jessica, yet he was bei would be something my brother would do once if I ever agreed to get on one with him. But my brother and I have a lifetime of me getting that I can completely trust him even if he decided to freak me out for a second and he knows how far he can go. Ryan and Jessica just met, there's really no relationship of any kind that's been established on a personal level but he does have the title HUSBAND which means no you cannot go into stupid older sibling territory, with far less remorse to boot.

Question: I watched the A&E airing in the one on FYI was there any of the Ryan/Jessica conversation where she actually showed him the pictures? That whole thing seemed so sudden and I really would have lived to see what was actually said.

[SaucyMommy]

I further detest Ryan D after last nights episode. I don't think he's capable of understanding Jessica. I see no interest in knowing her needs or compromising. A good man not only wants to share his interests but TAKE interest in hers. He seems to self absorbed to give a damn about her. RUN JESSICA RUN

[SaucyMommy]

Jessica is a people pleaser. You can tell that by how she interacts and Ryan is a steamroller. 

[Liberty]

"only knows how to show a girl he likes her by putting a frog down her back"

 

nicely written

[Neurochick]

Though I don't think Ryan D. is all that, I really don't see him as bullying. 

 

I see Jessica as a weak people pleaser, who would turn herself into a pretzel just to become "a wife."  

 

I don't think they're a good match.  Ryan needs a woman who can go toe to toe with him and give him "that look" when he's acting like a jerk.  Jessica cries and gets upset, which pisses Ryan off and that upsets Jessica even more.  

[Snarklepuss]

Honestly neither of them seems to be that much into the other.  I am not feeling it with them at all.

[JapMo]

"I don't think they're a good match.  Ryan needs a woman who can go toe to toe with him and give him "that look" when he's acting like a jerk.  Jessica cries and gets upset, which pisses Ryan off and that upsets Jessica even more."

 

Oh man...I've given "that look" to my husband more times than I could ever remember. 

[roamyn]

I consider a man who drives a speedboat so fast & recklessly that he flips it to be abusive,

But I've also read abt quite of few accidents (fatal ones) caused by reckless speedboat driving.

[shopper73]

OMG he is not marriage or even boyfriend material! Anyone who has the attitude of " this is just me, take it or leave it" is not capable of being in a relationship! And he is not affectionate, something Jessica wants. Forget it! How did he get past the experts?

[SaucyMommy]

It's like the third episode or something and already I think they're this season's Vaughn and Monet. 

 

 

Very first episode and I was like - they are this season's Vaughn and Monet. Sealed the deal immediately and cannot communicate to save their lives

[qtpye]

I think we definitely saw Ryan's not so great qualities on the honeymoon.  However, I am going to wait to reserve judgement, but I am not liking him so far.

 

I hate to say this, but after seeing Jessica on this show I am shocked at her modeling pictures.   She is so much prettier then how she appears in those pictures.   Her photos look totally trashy and she does not even look close to trashy in real life.

 

When I call her pictures trashy, it is not because of what she chose to wear.  I believe a woman has the right to wear as much or as little clothing as she wants.  It is the makeup and styling.  I hope with the money she gets she can afford to get her pictures redone.  They really do not do her justice.

 

However, if she is happy with how she looks then she should not change a thing.

[Kiss my mutt]

I don't know if this was in a preview but there was a scene where Ryan calls Jessica's tattoo and stud trashy. I'm surprised the experts didn't ask about that or he didn't mention that as something that would bother him that much. He's got a whole sleeve of tats.

Yeah, I'm not digging this dude at all. He seems like a sadist.

[girlplease]

I see Jessica as a weak people pleaser, who would turn herself into a pretzel just to become "a wife."   

 

I agree with this - it seems like Jessica has held up marriage as the end goal for so long, it's as if she hasn't considered that it's just the beginning of a new set of problems.

 

Ryan is a punk. I won't go so far as to say abusive, but I noticed in the jacuzzi scene it looked like Jessica had a big bruise on her leg! Of course, we don't know if that's from tipping the kayak or capsizing the jetski. But Ryan has been roughhousing with her like she's one of his bros - and if she's not into it, she needs to let him know instead of trying to be the "cool girl" who doesn't put up a fuss.

[Passthepopcorn]

I don't think he is that bad of a person I think there is in essence good intention in him. BUT, .

I DO think that he is choosing not to take the chances to make J. feel safe and protected. She says she is terrified of ocean water and there is your chance to be the "manly man" strong protector that he can easily be. Instead he capsized the kayak and the jet ski. He goes at scary speed far away from her instead of being together and reassuring her.

I don't know if he is ready and I don't know if this is the right girl. I think there's a type of woman that would go well with his teasing and roughs ways. I, personally, pass. And from what I see his ways are starting to get J. the wrong way and here come the tears. Sometimes I see potential, sometimes I don't...

[moonxyz]

www.aetv.com/married-at-first-sight/video/jessica-and-ryan-ds-first-fight
^^^^^^ Bonus clip of both their perspectives from the fight.

 

So basically, Ryan was pissed off that the issue was brought in from of the camera? Isn't that what he signed up for.

Based on these ITMs which are filmed at the end of the show, I don't think they are together. Jessica still looks very much pissed and Ryan Douche isn't as apologetic as he should be.

 

Also, can someone explain to me what Jess meant by "I expect more" when she talked about sex? Was she dissing Ryan's skills? Me thinks yes, cause if the has to asked if his wife enjoys sex that means she probably doesn't.

[Liberty]

I watched the bonus clip:

 

She says "He doesn't have my back".  Wonder if off camera they agreed that he should use this exposure to promote her modeling/acting career.

 

He says "She threw me under the bus".  Wonder if her bringing this up on camera violated their agreement about what to discuss on camera.

 

Between their hidden agendas and the editing  reality may be blurred for both Ryan/Jessica and the viewers. 

[moonxyz]

I watched the bonus clip:

 

She says "He doesn't have my back".  Wonder if off camera they agreed that he should use this exposure to promote her modeling/acting career.

 

He says "She threw me under the bus".  Wonder if her bringing this up on camera violated their agreement about what to discuss on camera.

 

Between their hidden agendas and the editing  reality may be blurred for both Ryan/Jessica and the viewers. 

Jessica is a model? I thought she was a Receptionist at a law firm?

 

But the "She's in it for herself" comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way. In it for what? I hope these two aren't being insincere. I personally don't know what Jessica gets out of being portrayed as a cry baby and Ryan as a douchebro. No one would willingly do that to themselves.

 

I'm hoping he meant that he didn't get why she brought up the conversation on camera when she didn't say anything while they were alone.

[Snarklepuss]

I really didn't get anything new from watching these clips that I hadn't already seen or figured out myself.  I did come away more convinced that there was more going on here than we saw on camera.  They're talking about something the audience didn't see first hand.  Why didn't they show it?  Because of that I don't think we'll ever know the full story.  It makes me think they're deliberately trying to keep the audience in the dark.

 

That said, Jessica's tattoo is often referred to by men as a "tramp stamp".   She may not understand that a lot of people might have a negative view of that particular tattoo and what they might believe it says about a woman.  Not that Ryan isn't a douche for saying that, especially when he knows Jessica is not the type of woman the popular image calls up, but seeing this clip again made me look at his comment in a slightly more understanding light.  It at least explains why he would not also consider his particular tattoo "trashy".

 

Also I just took a quick look online at question and answer sites and it seems that most people when asked think a Monroe piercing looks "trashy".  In light of that I can see why he stepped on a mine field trying to tell her that despite his image of these things in general he did not find them trashy on her.  Not a good time to tell her that, idiot.  I could see telling her that 3 years into the relationship but not after the first week!