Flaunting Your Flesh in Temptation's Raiment: Favorite LHOTP Quotes

[ATWTer76]

I don't remember the specific quotes/episodes, but I remember there being a few instances when Nels would mutter some insult or smart-aleck remark under his breath when Harriet was being particularly insufferable. She'd half hear him, ask"What did you say?" and he'd quickly come up with something else that sounded very similar. Hilarious!

Oh, and I loved Nellie's barrage of "short" jokes/insults when Percival was giving her a cooking lesson. "How about you write a cookbook? Shortcuts to Cooking?" :)

[DoughGirl]

I don't remember the specific quotes/episodes, but I remember there being a few instances when Nels would mutter some insult or smart-aleck remark under his breath when Harriet was being particularly insufferable. She'd half hear him, ask"What did you say?" and he'd quickly come up with something else that sounded very similar. Hilarious!

Oh, and I loved Nellie's barrage of "short" jokes/insults when Percival was giving her a cooking lesson. "How about you write a cookbook? Shortcuts to Cooking?" :)

"And again and again."

"What was that Nels?"

"I was just checking these shoe sizes. And a ten and a ten."

That exchange with Nellie and Percival was brilliant. "What about a shortcake? Do we need any shortening?"

[ATWTer76]

I loved the scene when Nellie was in her room crying because Percival was leaving. She was lamenting the fact that she was "too tall" for him and Harriet says something like, "Well, don't blame me, blame your father. Everybody on his side of the family is tall." And then Nels snaps back, "Your mother's right. Her side is just fat." :)

[Winipo75]

Charles to Caroline: "The only think I regret about marrying you is that I won't have the pleasure of asking you to be my wife again."

[BatmanBeatles]

Soap. And. Water.

 

 

That exchange with Nellie and Percival was brilliant. "What about a shortcake? Do we need any shortening?"

"I also have a short temper."

[RalyWilmy]

"Chickens can squawk, butterflies can flutter. But all Anna can do is stu-stu-stu-stu-stutter."

 

Nellie was such a beyotch.

[BatmanBeatles]

"Monkey Business. Monkey Business. Monkey Business."

[sgittinger]

"Nellie! What on earth happened"?? "Something wonderful! He said I was pretty"!

[Ilovemylabs]

I read that as well about Lucy Lee Flippen but not about Karen Grassle. I nominate Lucy Lee. Was not moved by Karen Grassle in the leg saga or any other episode featuring "Ma".

The 'cutting off the leg' episode was a remake of a Bonanaza episode in which Little Joe (ML) was about to do the same thing.  I guess everyone knows that.

[BatmanBeatles]

Ma is good

She cooks

She cleans

She works hard

[juneday]

Pa: "I'm just a dumb farmer!!"

[toodles]

Release the jackasses.

[PrairieSmoke]

Nellie: "I hate this place, I hate cooking, and I hate short people! There, Quackimoto!"

[scowl]

Pa remarking on the country's centennial:

 

"A hundred years! Hard to believe."

 

I couldn't tell if he thought countries usually only last a decade or two or that the United States has always existed. 

[ElderPrice]

Harriet:" Willie, I don't want to hear about you standing in the corner again!"

Willie:" I didn't want you to hear about it last time!"

[PrairieSmoke]

In Times Are  Changing the Carters are moving into the little house. Charles and Laura go in a tearily reminice. 

John Carter "That man was crying in there."

 

You just want to say, Oh, Pa cries at the drop of a hat, don't mind him. 

[kickedinthehead]

Pa: "Darn fool cow ... (something else, then repeated:) "darn fool cow."

 

From the Season 2 episode with the tornado, after a cow is killed. I can't explain why (especially because I find the rest of the episode rather dull) but for some reason that scene has always stuck with/amused me. (Not that there's anything amusing about a poor cow killed by a tornado!)

Edited December 1, 2014 by kickedinthehead

[juneday]

"You hate me!"

[camom]

Nels to Harriet:  "It may be your switchboard, but the wires are mine."  (Or something close to that.)

[merylinkid]

Wait, we never had a field day with that line over on TWOP?   I am so ashamed of all you Jezebels/beaus.

[SinInTheCamp]

I still love this exchange in "Second Spring":

 

Harriet: He is my son too, more so!

Nels: How do you figure?
Harriet: I bore him!

Nels: Well, you bore me too, but that doesn't make you my mother.

 

Ahahahaha...Oh, Nels!

[Eri]

charlieboo, I love that quote and use it all the time, too! Although I recall it as, "Sorry don't get the stumps out, son." Although that's a stupid episode that I avoid, so I'm most likely wrong.

 

I do remember that episode! It made me think of the poor boy being whipped and his father kept saying "Gotta learn son, gotta learn!"

 

My mind reverted to the "I Remember, I Remember" episode where a young Charles was always being punished by the cruel schoolteacher.

 

"This is grounds for immediate deportment!"

 

The exchange between Charles and his older brother on apologizing to Caroline was also pretty funny.

Peter Ingalls: So what did you say to her?

Young Charles Ingalls: What you told me to say. I'm sorry. I'm a dummy. A real dummy.

Peter Ingalls: Ahhhh... You just graduated from dummy to jackass!

Edited January 17, 2015 by Eri

[jenny2682]

"They's not pups, son....they's wolves."  Every time I see a coyote in the neighborhood, I think of that one.

I'd like to submit two quotes from other shows about LHOTP:

From WKRP in Cincinnati:  "We only watch good, wholesome family shows.  Like Little House on the Prairie.  It's about blind children and every week someone dies in a fire or from a horrible disease."

From Glee!:  "You'll be shedding more tears than Michael Landon Little House on the Prairie during  sweeps week."

My God you have no idea how many times that WKRP line goes through my head

[Lady Iris]

Pa: "Darn fool cow ... (something else, then repeated:) "darn fool cow."

 

Gotta love a darn fool cow.

 

Love a flustered Harriet's, "Oh for heaven's sakes!"

 

And of course the timeless sounds of Detoxing Albert on the Prairie and his spasming marionette legs, "Blurrrrrrrgh, blarrrrrrrrgh, blurrrrrrrrrrrgh" and the comforting father's "Let it out".

 

 

 

 

[camom]

Harriett: "Mrs. Ingalls, we will not be requiring any more eggs in the immediate future."

Caroline: "Mrs. Oleson, the hens will be relieved to hear that."

 

Harriett:  "If God wanted me to talk with my hands, he wouldn't have given me a mouth."

Nels:  "I guess even God can make mistakes."

[scowl]

After blind Adam and Mary buy horses...

 

Pa: "There are two things the blind should approach with caution: buzz saws and buying horses."

Mary: "Well, what's wrong with the horses, Joe?"

Joe Kagan: "Don't know where to begin, Mary. They wouldn't make glue, and if they did, it wouldn't stick."

Adam: "You're trying to tell me that only a blind man would buy those horses?"

Pa: "That's what I'm trying to tell you."

[PrairieSmoke]

After blind Adam and Mary buy horses...

 

Pa: "There are two things the blind should approach with caution: buzz saws and buying horses."

Mary: "Well, what's wrong with the horses, Joe?"

Joe Kagan: "Don't know where to begin, Mary. They wouldn't make glue, and if they did, it wouldn't stick."

Adam: "You're trying to tell me that only a blind man would buy those horses?"

Pa: "That's what I'm trying to tell you."

The best part is when Charles and Joe go to confront Standish in the bar, bringing the horses with them. After thouroughly embarrisng Standish, Charles drops the horses's reins and says, "Buy my two friends a drink."

[Emkat]

"It's a silly ole rock!" 

Weighting down a bag of puppies.  Being drowned in a creek.

[Reverand Alden]

"I got nothing to say to you, JEZEBEL!!"

"JEZEBEL!!  Flauntin' your flesh in temptation's raiment!  You will burn!   Oh, you will BURN!!!"

"Kith me my wub"

"I'll fix you, Laura Ingalls!  I'll fix you!"

"Oh my god, the BAY-by!!"

"Hester Sue, where is the baby?"

"Laura smells like a dirty horse!"

"If it offendeth thee, CUT IT OFF!"

"I can't see!! I can't see!!  Help me Pa!  I'm so scared"

"I'm not a doctor.  I'm a funeral director!"

[Emkat]

Harriet: "If you loved them you would send them to the school." 

Nels: "Well, I've got a life insurance policy. If I killed myself then you would have enough money to enroll them in the private school."

Harriet: "Nels; would you do that for us?"

[SCS]

Isaiah: No it ain't alright. It ain't alright at all. Look Charles, I got mad at you the other day because... well, I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at me. You were right. I was alone because I made that choice. Don't ask me why, I don't know. Guilt... Fear... I don't know. If I knew the reason, I wouldn't be where I am right now... It's just that I think these children oughta stay together. Grace, I know this ain't the time or the place, but if we're gonna have ourselves a family, we oughta get ourselves married. I love you.

Impossible to pick one line from something ^^ that is perfection in its entirety. Meanwhile, on a lighter note, courtesy of a fed-up Ma Ingalls:

You will be silent!!!

Edited August 7, 2017 by steelcitysister