Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[Bastet]

Quote

I don't get why people seem to feel that complete strangers are obligated to know what holidays everyone does or doesn't celebrate. How exhausting!

With some exceptions, I don't tend to get annoyed when someone assumes I celebrate a holiday I don't.  But, on the flip side, I don't go around wishing people a happy anything unless I know they celebrate it, and I don't find that takes any energy at all, let alone exhausts me.

[TattleTeeny]

1 hour ago, Quof said:

And isn't that the precise point that is being made??? You don't know what holiday a stranger may or may not celebrate, and why should you assume they do exactly what you do?  I don't wish anyone happy birthday when I am celebrating a birthday.

Hey, man--all I'm saying is whether or not I celebrate something is moot; the other person was making a nice gesture by wishing me a happy one. I think my point was missed here; I'm not talking about what I say to others--I'm mainly talking about the fools who get all bent about the all-inclusive "happy holidays" instead of "happy/merry SPECIFIC holiday." I couldn't care less if someone assumes I celebrate something that I don't.

Edited May 10, 2016 by TattleTeeny

[Sandman87]

I had to make a trip to the local market yesterday, and I made a point of wishing the teenager at the cash register "Happy Mother's Day." Made her laugh. She's familiar with my sense of humor.

Happy National Lost Sock Memorial day, everyone!

[TattleTeeny]

I wished people a "Happy New Rob Zombie Album Day" just last week!

[Petunia13]

[zxy556575]

15 hours ago, TattleTeeny said:

Hey, man--all I'm saying is whether or not I celebrate something is moot; the other person was making a nice gesture by wishing me a happy one. I think my point was missed here; I'm not talking about what I say to others--I'm mainly talking about the fools who get all bent about the all-inclusive "happy holidays" instead of "happy/merry SPECIFIC holiday." I couldn't care less if someone assumes I celebrate something that I don't.

I agree that I'm a bit of a fool for getting bent, and I realize it's small potatoes in the entirety of the cosmos, but I can't help feeling just a smidge resentful when strangers automatically lump me in with groups whose beliefs I vehemently disagree with. In my area that includes the assumption that I'm a conservative Republican and a Christian. It cuts both ways because I have replied Shabbat Shalom and Ramadan Kareem to one particular clerk who always tells me 'God Bless and Keep You' and he was shocked as hell. I'm not stupid enough to try Allahu Akbar, but a lot of people would consider that to be a verbal assault on them.

I wish I could ease up and think of it as general, meaningless well wishes. This has really only become an issue with me since I moved to central Florida, but it honestly does sometimes feel like an attack on my beliefs, even if the intent is harmless. I'm sure most guys feel that their mainsplaining to me is done in a spirit of good will, too.

Edited May 10, 2016 by lordonia

[TattleTeeny]

Well, OK, though; feelings are one thing--they're "inside" and we can't really control them. However, your post sounds like you are pretty adept at not responding to people in an impolite or disproportionately annoyed or judgmental way; the fact that you wrote "feel" attacked" as opposed to "being" attacked makes a world of difference, IMO. Your post reads as that of someone who sees all the sides (for lack of a better term), and also puts more thought into the words than lots of other people. I think it's possible to realize that, in the grand scheme of life, this kind of thing is not a huge deal, but also be able to simultaneously intellectually ponder the deeper roots behind it (I say that as a fellow ponderer!)...sort of like "God bless you" when someone sneezes--I mean, is anyone really thinking about that phrase when they reflexively say it? It is actually kind of exclusive if you think about it, but also just a polite thing for someone to say and nothing to make a fuss over.

Also, I hope my use of "fool" was taken at face value--more like a Mr. T kind of usage than a true designation, if you will. If it helps, I was actually thinking of my own family and their endless "It's not happy holidays, it's Merry Christmas!!!1!!" Facebook memes every damn year. No, Uncle Walt--the gas station man is not implying that Christmas is bad and politically incorrect just because he says "happy holidays" when he hands you your change! 

As for mansplaining, oh my goodness! Even my own BF sometimes...really, dude? We met only seven years ago; do you think I was running around completely inept before that? Oy. The worst is when you tell some guys about some problem or issue you had and, before you even finish the story, they say, "Did you try [the most super-obvious--and practically naturally reflexive--thing ever]?" I had a deadbolt break in my apartment once, and I actually could not exit it! My BF at the time said...

"Did you turn the knob?" 

Edited May 10, 2016 by TattleTeeny

[DeLurker]

1 hour ago, TattleTeeny said:

As for mansplaining, oh my goodness! Even my own BF sometimes...really, dude? We met only seven years ago; do you think I was running around completely inept before that?

As the only girl (youngest) of four brothers, I can assure you they picture you as a soggy kitten stuck in a street drain before they came into your life.

[auntlada]

I only have two older brothers. I can't imagine coping with four. Even as an adult, as the youngest child and the girl, I can't possibly know more than them or remember anything correctly or be right about anything -- even though I quite often know more than them about quite a few subjects just because I read whatever is available to read. To them, I am simply not capable of things.

[TattleTeeny]

Sort of related (but maybe not? Not mansplaining but still a peeve): I have a sister who has a "big" and sometimes dramatic personality, at least to the naked eye, but there's often more "talking the talk" than "walking the walk." Lots of exaggeration in stories. Regardless, my entire family buys into it. I'm a quieter type and more private in many ways, and I don't love being the center of attention. Because of this, my family seems to think I am a meek delicate flower who would never be able to stand up for myself! Or that, because I take care of my stuff myself and don't broadcast it (for accolades, attention, sympathy, or whatever), I must not have things to take care of (or that someone else does it for me). It's irritating at family functions to be told how my sister would have handled some crazy situation when (A) her tales are greatly embellished, (B) I'm a pretty organized and hands-on "nip shit in the bud" person, and, (C) I'm probably not going to get myself into some of these (possibly made up) situations in the first place! 

She's also a co-opter of random things--like, as a silly example, since I was a child, I've loved the horror genre, and read and watched stuff that was generally inappropriate for my age*. Recently, she decided that she, for whatever reason, wanted to be known as a horror "buff" without really exploring anything but the mainstream movie offerings of the genre (no essays, books, docs, conventions). But on Mother's Day, my stepfather said to me that he and my sister were going to have a horror night and would I like to come too...

and do I know who Freddy Krueger is? 

* When I was in third grade, I think, I'd steal our shiny little HBO guide that came in the mail, and write down all the late-night showings of horror movies. Then I'd set my Raggedy Ann alarm clock to wake me up and I'd go down to our dark living room and watch them all alone!

Edited May 10, 2016 by TattleTeeny

[zxy556575]

I blithely decided to forego dental insurance for seven months after I retired but before I was eligible to buy a Medicare policy, Dun, dun, dun, $3.9K in root canals and other work, I also opted to reduce my cable bill by, among other things, discontinuing the $10/month fee for DVR repair/replacement. Gah. You see where I'm going here.

I drive my car infrequently and have been rethinking my auto policy. I can reduce it from $383 every six months to $152 by getting rid of some coverage, but I'm pretty sure fate is waiting in the wings to mock me again should I try.

12 hours ago, DeLurker said:

As the only girl (youngest) of four brothers, I can assure you they picture you as a soggy kitten stuck in a street drain before they came into your life.

Ha! I always thought it would be fun to have one or more older brothers because of course they would bring home their cute friends just for me. Perhaps I didn't think things through.

Instead I was stuck with an older sister who would wear my clothes and stretch out the sweaters because her breasts are twice as big as mine.

Edited May 11, 2016 by lordonia

[DeLurker]

3 hours ago, auntlada said:

I only have two older brothers. I can't imagine coping with four. Even as an adult, as the youngest child and the girl, I can't possibly know more than them or remember anything correctly or be right about anything -- even though I quite often know more than them about quite a few subjects just because I read whatever is available to read. To them, I am simply not capable of things.

Know that feeling, but have learned to accept it as the status quo regardless of truth.  In reality, they are all hella smart but in different ways.  I grew up in a household where no matter how well I did in a whatever (school, sports, looks, etc...), there legitimately someone better at it than me in the house.  I was in college before I realized I was on the brighter side of the general population, etc...On the upside, if I needed help with something someone was always available.  A lot of time it was not out of the goodness of their hearts, it was about making another brother look bad by comparison.  And since Dad ran a democratic household, I learned early the power of the swing vote since that was always me.  If they pissed me off, I would just refrain from voting - house rules said "majority rules and in the event of no majority, nothing happens". 

1 hour ago, lordonia said:

I blithely decided to forego dental insurance for seven months after I retired but before I was eligible to buy a Medicare policy, Dun, dun, dun, $3.9K in root canals and other work, I also opted to reduce my cable bill by, among other things, discontinuing the $10/month fee for DVR repair/replacement. Gah. You see where I'm going here.

I drive my car infrequently and have been rethinking my auto policy. I can reduce it from $383 every six months to $152 by getting rid of some coverage, but I'm pretty sure fate is waiting in the wings to mock me again should I try.

Ha! I always thought it would be fun to have one of more older brothers because of course they would bring home their cute friends just for me. Perhaps I didn't think things through.

Instead I was stuck with an older sister who would wear my clothes and stretch out the sweaters because her breasts are twice as big as mine.

Ouch! The dental cost is painful, but it isn't like you can forego the expense.

Dating and brothers were an interesting and confusing thing - especially since we are all close in age (7 years difference at max).  If I was seeing someone, they were often followed around on the weekend by older serious looking guys (my brother or his friends), just to torment and intimidate them.  If I was hanging out with my brother and his friends, if my brother had to take care of something, he would literally tell one of his friends they were in charge of me and to punch anyone who talked to me.  I have dated some of their friends over the years, but that was only because the guy was fully screened and under penalty of death if they hurt me.  When I wanted to stop seeing one of their friends, there was often a lot of feedback from the brother about how he was a great guy, yada yada yada.. Also, I, in all seriousness, could not get laid in high school even if I had wanted to.  Everyone knew I had older brothers and two of them had been very vocal about their attitude regarding premarital sex and their sister.

No sisters to stretch out my clothes, but I developed an affinity for oversized mens shirts early in life resulting in their closets getting raided.  My brothers frequently make reference to the fact that they get wary if I compliment a shirt they are wearing in anticipation of it going missing.  My indignant reply is "Lies spread by my enemies".

Edited May 10, 2016 by DeLurker

[Quof]

Quote

I drive my car infrequently and have been rethinking my auto policy. I can reduce it from $383 every six months to $152 by getting rid of some coverage, but I'm pretty sure fate is waiting in the wings to mock me again should I try.

How old is your car?  You may be able to forego collision coverage, or at least raise your deductible as much as possible.  I figure, if my car is damaged and it's someone else's fault, they can pay.  If it's my fault, then I should have been more careful and will have to live with the consequences.  Whatever you do, don't give up liability coverage, even if you live in one of those crazy states that doesn't require it. That's just asking for a beat-down on the Judge Judy forum.

[Petunia13]

Tattle Teeny that's funny. When I was a kid around that age is stay up all night watching horror movies too. I had the apartment in the house that wasn't rented out as my rooms so I would stay up all night. Besides having separate living quarters my parents often went out at night or for a a day and would leave us home alone. 

[TattleTeeny]

OH MY GOD, my parents too! They would go out for the night when I was 8 and my sister was 4! Oh, the '70s... 

[harrie]

22 hours ago, Petunia13 said:

Now that is a day I can celebrate!

Edited May 11, 2016 by harrie

[bilgistic]

We are all damaged children here, aren't we?! I was a latchkey kid at six years old, and beginning at age nine, I watched my sisters (aged five and six) daily from the time we got off the bus until our mother got home from her second job after 9:00. That continued for years.

[Quof]

I started as a latchkey at age 7, doing all the cooking by age 9 and all the housework by about 11.   My brother had no household responsibilities because a penis is a get out of jail free card.

[bilgistic]

Sadly, I've heard that so many times.

[zxy556575]

Is it sad to be a latchkey kid, or that the boys weren't expected to do housework?

My parents were divorced when my sister and I were toddlers and I don't remember ever having a babysitter.  Starting in kindergarten, we were responsible for getting ourselves to school in the morning, either walking or by public bus. We were alone with a list of chores after school before mom came home. She went out 2-3 nights a week. I think it made both of us very self-sufficient and independent.*

Nothing bad ever happened, though, which gives me the freedom to say that. We were born in 1950 and '51, so nobody gave a thought to calling social services on us.

 

* It's also part of the reason I can't wrap my brain around millennials in their 20s who are incapable of making the simplest of decisions without consulting their parents.

Edited May 11, 2016 by lordonia

[zxy556575]

New peeve, to go along with mansplaining: The Daily Show's Desi Lydic did a segment on momsplaining, wherein strangers feel it's their job to tell you how to raise your children. I'm not even a parent and it annoys me.

[TattleTeeny]

The only downside I can think of to my unsupervised childhood is that I am often unnecessarily independent in a "bad" way -- like rarely waiting for help to do things that would be much easier with two people, or not asking for assistance when I probably should. Also, I tend to feel smothered when sometimes people are just being considerate.

[bilgistic]

Sad that boys aren't supposed to do their share of the work at home. Latchkey kids at single-digit ages are understandably beyond sad.

Edited May 11, 2016 by bilgistic

[bilgistic]

9 hours ago, lordonia said:

Is it sad to be a latchkey kid, or that the boys weren't expected to do housework?

My parents were divorced when my sister and I were toddlers and I don't remember ever having a babysitter.  Starting in kindergarten, we were responsible for getting ourselves to school in the morning, either walking or by public bus. We were alone with a list of chores after school before mom came home. She went out 2-3 nights a week. I think it made both of us very self-sufficient and independent.*

Nothing bad ever happened, though, which gives me the freedom to say that. We were born in 1950 and '51, so nobody gave a thought to calling social services on us.

 

* It's also part of the reason I can't wrap my brain around millennials in their 20s who are incapable of making the simplest of decisions without consulting their parents.

I have nieces that I've watched grow up (the youngest is eight; the oldest is 17), and I would never, ever let my eight-year-old niece walk around with a friend like that.

Having lived through that kind of thing, I can say it is neglect, and it was very damaging to me. It took me a long time to reconcile all my feelings because my mother worked her guilt trip on me ("At least *I* was there!" (unlike my father)), but that doesn't mean her decisions were good ones for me and my sisters. I know she did the best she could at the time, but I have quit pretending it was okay.

I struggle with depression and anxiety, which is genetic, and was certainly exascerbated by our upbringing. I wasn't able to get treatment until I left home because my mother wouldn't/couldn't deal with it. It took her another 20 years to accept my condition.

My sisters struggle in different ways. Both have repeated the past in that they are now single mothers (something I vowed I'd never be), and we are all closed off to and wary about the perceived dangers of the world that we were taught about so long ago.

Edited May 11, 2016 by bilgistic

[ZaldamoWilder]

bilgistic I'm sorry for the effect this has had on you, that's simply awful.    

Becoming a parent makes me realize how retrospectively fortunate some of us were that nothing did in fact happen.  Because that in itself is pure dumb luck.  It's not like there weren't white econo vans driving slowly around the neighborhood in 1960, 70, 80.  When I think of it, it's a mix of embarrassment at what is probably ingratitude (because I don't give a damn what ya'll heard, leaving a 6, 7, 8 year old to navigate their way anywhere is NOT the best they could've done) astonishment, from the sheer number of us who grew up this way and survived, and amusement because it was so commonplace that no other reasonable and rational adults thought anything of it either.   Just, wow.   I don't think I was paranoid or a sanctimommy but my daughter was 13 before it had ever occurred to me that I could leave her in the house for 2 hours to go Walmart.  Dude, I grew up with both of my parents and when I think about being given and taught how to use our housekey in 2nd grade?   Fuck no.  That is not the best they could do.   Ask Etan Patz' parents. 

[Qoass]

I didn't learn to use a house key until I got one for my college dorm room.  We never locked up the house unless we were going on vacation and my parents still don't.  Different world, isn't it?

[TattleTeeny]

I never realized my upbringing was odd (which is not to say bad, necessarily--it wasn't, though it could have been better) until I was telling a story to my ex-BF (the dolt who said "did you try turning the knob?"), which started out something like, "Once when I was 8, my parents left me and my sister [who was 4] home one night..." This was only the "intro" and not the point of whatever story I was telling, and I apparently said that part super-casually, which caused my ex to stop me and say, "Wait, what?!" And that was when I realized it was, at best, probably not the norm and, at worst, kind of fucked up! However (for better or worse), maybe this kind of thing is what prompted me to move out of my dad's place when I turned 18? 

I've got to say that if any of my friends came out one night with me, and mentioned that they left their own kids of that age home alone, I would now today have the same reaction!

Edited May 11, 2016 by TattleTeeny

[zxy556575]

1 hour ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

Dude, I grew up with both of my parents and when I think about being given and taught how to use our housekey in 2nd grade?  Fuck no.  That is not the best they could do.  Ask Etan Patz' parents. 

Thanks for reiterating, @ZaldamoWilder. I used to care for my godsons two days a week when they were young and even though I was raised that way myself, I would never have let them walk to the park alone at 6 or 8 or 10. They weren't even allowed to play outside with neighbor kids on their own. My childhood was during a completely different cultural ethos. And my grandparents was too, as they left school after 8th grade to work full time.

[ZaldamoWilder]

Girl.  The article you linked is shudder-some.

Quote

"Parenthood is an exercise in risk management,”

The comment section though.  Free range parenting.   Uh huh.  Get back to me about statistics when your 5th grader should've been home an hour ago.

[Quof]

I have no issue with having been a latchkey kid at a young age. It made me mature, responsible and independent.  

My beef is with having to do all the housework solely because of my gender.  

[TattleTeeny]

Even when we did have babysitters, I could tell you some stories, man. Considering the babysitters we had were people my parents didn't even really know in the first place, I should probably count my blessings that I'm here typing today!

As for other peeves, that &^*^$%$#$#@! heart-shaped hand gesture. Please, everyone, stop it. Also, memes with "funny" sayings about how we ladies sure do love chocolate, memes with those minions and text that says something that's not even remotely witty (i.e., "Don't you hate it when you lock your keys in the car?" Um, yes, who doesn't?) or kind of inappropriately casual (i.e., picture of minion with text that says, "never forget" or something too serious for a minion). In case it is not obvious, I just did a Facebook scroll, and now I hate everyone.

[ZaldamoWilder]

23 minutes ago, TattleTeeny said:

In case it is not obvious, I just did a Facebook scroll, and now I hate everyone.

especially minions?  LOL!!!! 

giggling at heart gestures.  sorority/fraternity envy? 

[auntlada]

13 hours ago, lordonia said:

New peeve, to go along with mansplaining: The Daily Show's Desi Lydic did a segment on momsplaining, wherein strangers feel it's their job to tell you how to raise your children. I'm not even a parent and it annoys me.

I have been calling it, " Motherhood: You're doing it wrong."

[Wings]

The Johnson and Johnson ad for Hospice Nurses is back again.  Ugh, I hate it.  

"Not tonight Berta, not tonight."  

It is sending the wrong message.  Patients in hospice are not fighting for their life and the staff is not trying to save them to live just one more day.  It is a place where you are kept comfortable and pain free until you die. 

The end line should be,  I will leave the window open for you, Berta, so you can leave when you are ready.  I will be here to make you comfortable until then.  

They are playing into the fear many have that you cannot die in a medical facility!  Western medicine keeps patients alive at all costs (to you).  Bugs me!   

[zxy556575]

Peeve of discussion board software glitches?

[ZaldamoWilder]

LMAO!!!    formats akin to New Coke?   not naming names.

[bilgistic]

1 hour ago, wings707 said:

The Johnson and Johnson ad for Hospice Nurses is back again.  Ugh, I hate it.  

 

"Not tonight Berta, not tonight."  

It is sending the wrong message.  Patients in hospice are not fighting for their life and the staff is not trying to save them to live just one more day.  It is a place where you are kept comfortable and pain free until you die. 

The end line should be,  I will leave the window open for you, Berta, so you can leave when you are ready.  I will be here to make you comfortable until then.  

They are playing into the fear many have that you cannot die in a medical facility!  Western medicine keeps patients alive at all costs (to you).  Bugs me!   

In the still frame of the video (or whatever it is; I'm at work), it looks like the nurse has her hands on the patient's breasts.

[Bastet]

I have no idea how old I was when my mom would no longer make sure she was there when I got home from school -- junior high, maybe?  Sixth grade?  I don't know, but somewhere around that time is when I got a key (I remember the key ring, and the style is how I can place the general time frame) in case I was on my own for a couple of hours after school.  I remember the first time I was allowed to stay home alone for the weekend, though -- I must have been 15/16ish.  I was over the moon.  And then one of the cats decided to scare me by suddenly sitting up in bed and staring out into the hallway.  So I had to turn on all the lights and do a full sweep of the house before I could get back in bed.

I never had a babysitter; when my parents went out for the evening (or on holiday) either I stayed with my grandparents/they came over and stayed with me or I went to my best friend's house.  I was a bit envious of kids who had random teenagers as babysitters; it sounded cool (of course, in horror movies it always led to mass murder, so ...). 

Edited May 12, 2016 by Bastet

[MargeGunderson]

Looking back I can't believe how cavalier parents were in the 80s. I started babysitting when I was 11. That's insane. We also went all over the neighborhood and well beyond without supervision, even after there were 2 kidnappings in my small Midwestern city. It amazing we survived childhood - not to mention those poor kids I babysat for $0.50 an hour.

Edited May 11, 2016 by MargeGunderson

[BookWoman56]

I feel a little weird reading the various stories of latchkey kids because my childhood was nothing like that but at the same time, I had much more freedom than many of you and ended up being very independent. By the time I started school, my mother had gotten tired of staying at home with 5 kids and started working part-time. We had a maid who came in daily to take care of my younger sibling and deal with general housework. I walked to school, usually with my older siblings, but we lived maybe 6 blocks from the school. After school my older siblings were usually gone hanging out with friends and I came home by myself. No house key, because the house was never locked. I routinely did my homework and then went outside to ride my bike or whatever and didn't come back home until it got dark. We lived next door to my grandparents until I was about 12, and so they were always available if there was anything serious that needed attention. Both parents were always back home no later than 5 pm.

However, my parents made a point of finding time to do things for themselves without the kids in tow. For that matter, they made time to do things as individuals and not as a couple. Periodically they would go out of town for the weekend. When I was still in elementary school, this would mean that a designated adult (family friend or relative) would stay at the house with us. By the time I was in my early teens, it meant one of my older siblings, now married, would come by during the weekend to see if we needed anything. By my mid-teens, the routine was that my parents would give me and my brother money to use if we wanted to go out to eat; my brother had his own car by then so we had transportation. Periodically, we would have small parties (less than 10 people) while the parents were gone for the weekend, and despite a gazillion movies and tv episodes to the contrary, those parties were calm and controlled with no drinking or drugs, and only minor noise from playing  music. No complaints from the neighbors ever, no trashed house, etc., because we were smart enough to know that if we had a problem party, there would not be any others. The parents were fully aware of the parties and had no issue with them; my mother was always the type to encourage us to socialize more.

Also, I did not ever have a formal curfew. If I didn't come home immediately after school, it was assumed I was hanging out with friends. When I was old enough to go out with friends to movies or whatever, I never had to tell my parents what our specific plans were. I would usually tell them I was going out and with whom,  but with no details. If I was a little later getting back home than anticipated, the parents assumed I was having a good time with my friends, not that I was lying in a ditch somewhere.

Now as a parent myself, I have adjusted to a different reality. I grew up in a small town where people did not lock their doors; I raised my daughter in a large city where having your doors locked is expected. I did not ever leave her alone at home until she was about 10 or 11, and those were for the 10-minute trips to the corner convenience store. As she got older, I gave her more freedom but more responsibility at the same time. The result is that she has typically been much more mature and responsible than many of the kids her age.

So, I guess my peeve would be with the helicopter parents who do not ever allow their kids to be alone at any time or to make their own mistakes at any point. There's a difference between taking sensible safety precautions and having your kid be under your absolute control and direction 24/7 until age 18 or beyond. I occasionally teach freshman English for university students, and I have seen too many 18-year-olds who have never been on their own, never made their own decisions, never been responsible for anything. They are lost, because the parents have always been there telling them what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. I'm not advocating for small kids to have no adult supervision, but there's a middle road where parents can gradually increase the kid's freedom and responsibilities. Too many parents seem to be under the delusion that they can treat their adolescents like small kids until they turn 18, and somehow on the 18th birthday, the kid is going to wake up with fully adult sensibilities and judgment. 

[ParadoxLost]

1 hour ago, MargeGunderson said:

Looking back I can't believe how cavalier parents were in the 80s. I started babysitting when I was 11. That's insane. We also went all over the neighborhood and well beyond without supervision, even after there were 2 kidnappings in my small Midwestern city. It amazing we survived childhood - not to mention those poor kids I babysat for $0.50 an hour.

Honestly, I think parents are too overprotective now because of the 24 hour news cycle.  Its not necessary to have 20 parents at a bus stop with their kids.  Get to know your neighbors.  We went to the bus stop by ourselves.  Our parents gave us the illusion of independence and confidence (they told us in our 30s that the Mom who lived nearest watched us every morning from the window).    I only stayed in daycare until I was legally old enough to stay home and take care of my brother.  I would have been sprung earlier but my brother would have been intolerable.

I do think they may have regretted the confident and independent streak that they instilled the time someone tried to kidnap my dog and I shot out of the house in my PJs.  They didn't get my dog and fled.  I suppose in retrospect they might not have been dognappers and just fleeing the lunatic eleven year old chasing their car down on foot.  You don't mess with an eleven year old's dog.

[bilgistic]

I posted in Chit-Chat about my niece having broken her arm 2.5 weeks ago at a BMX meet/event/whatever a massive BMX gathering is called. My sister (not the mom of the niece with the broken arm) has not acknowledged my niece's accident.

My mom texted me today asking if she could call me to "vent". She told me that my sister (age 37) had texted her that a high school friend of hers was in the hospital (lives in the same city as my parents, where we grew up) and she was going to see him. Presumably, she hasn't seen this guy in months/years, but she drops everything to drive 1.5 hours to go see this dude. She posted on Facebook that she was going to see him, because of course she did in her dramatic way.

She regularly comes to my city, 1.5 hours away from her own, to go clubbing or some shit, and doesn't bother to tell me she's in town. She does the same thing to my parents. We find out on Facebook. She leaves her kids, my nieces, at home alone, and goes to Atlanta  or wherever for the weekend. The girls are 13 and 17, but she's left them home alone overnight for years.

Our "birth father" (because DNA is about all he ever gave us) was in the hospital after being burned several years ago, and she went and held vigil by his bedside many, many days, traveling back and forth daily. A couple years later, our stepdad, the man who raised her from age 13 on and has put up with her bullshit, was in the hospital for weeks and weeks with pancreatitis and some related illnesses, and do you think she bothered to show up?

I love her as my sister, but she's toxic, narcissistic and a drama llama mama. My other sister is done with her. I have very, very little left.

Edited May 12, 2016 by bilgistic

[zxy556575]

I have wonderful memories of childhood, especially after I got a bike when I was 10. My sister and I would make bag lunches on the weekends and venture off into the hills around San Diego, taking large pieces of cardboard to use as sleds. Had to avoid the prickly pears, though! Then over to the playground for some hopscotch and to the little corner store for some allowance candy. I don't remember us even staying in the neighborhood that much, once we had transportational freedom.

The most trouble we ever got in was when we hauled a parachute and chair up to the single story roof of our house and jumped off in the mistaken assumption that we'd float, seated, to the ground. No broken bones but a few gashes and scrapes that we weren't able to conceal. The other time was when we went wading in the irrigation ditch behind the house, which we were forbidden to do. We were careful to get home shortly before Mom returned but our sneakers and socks were wet so we had the bright idea to put them in the oven to dry them out. Set temp to 400 degrees and went outside to play, forgetting about them. Melted rubber and canvas in the oven; hoo boy the yelling.

My mother even planted a hedge of castor beans in the back yard (to screen the irrigation ditch) because they're quick growing. She knew they were poisonous and simply told us not to eat them.

We started babysitting when we were in 4th and 5th grades, which was, in hindsight, perhaps the stupidest thing of all. We were in charge of really young babies, too!

Edited May 12, 2016 by lordonia

[Bastet]

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If I was a little later getting back home than anticipated, the parents assumed I was having a good time with my friends, not that I was lying in a ditch somewhere.

Susan Sarandon's character in Safe Passage, whose son scoffs, "Yes, Mother, assume the worst; it's really best for everyone"?  My mom.  She wasn't a helicopter parent, thankfully, but her mind is prone to the worst-case scenario -- I think if she hadn't consciously kept herself in check, she could have been.

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I have wonderful memories of childhood, especially after I got a bike when I was 10.

I had a bike from as far back as I can remember, and all us kids in the neighborhood were constantly riding around.  Lots of great memories for me, too.

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The other time was when we went wading in the irrigation ditch behind the house, which we were forbidden to do.

Oh, more good memories -- I always sneaked off to do that when we visited my mom's cousins, who are farmers.  Such fun for the suburban kid!

Edited May 12, 2016 by Bastet

[ParadoxLost]

7 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Susan Sarandon's character in Safe Passage, whose son scoffs, "Yes, Mother, assume the worst; it's really best for everyone"?  My mom.  She wasn't a helicopter parent, thankfully, but her mind is prone to the worst-case scenario -- I think if she hadn't consciously kept herself in check, she could have been.

There was an incident with a teenage babysitter, a shoe, and my infant brother when I was little.  It was kind of amazing the lengths my parents went to make sure we were both safe and independent.  That incident could have gone helicopter parent real fast but they made sure to keep it in check.

On the other hand, I never learned any of these stories about my childhood until my 30's.  That is apparently when we were old enough that knowing how things really were, that we weren't getting away with as much when we were kids as we thought we were, would not stunt our development into productive and independent human beings.

[auntlada]

I always thought my father wouldn't let me have training wheels on my bike so I would learn to ride faster. My mother told me last year it was because he thought I wouldn't want to ride without them and would stay closer to home. It didn't work for long. I learned going in circles in the garage, then spent my time seeing how far away I could go without being in trouble.

I spent most of my childhood and teen years trying to get away from home, and my father spent that time trying to get me to stay home.

You guys make me appreciate my family, even though they drove me crazy when I was a kid. I don't think I stayed alone all night until college, which is also when I talked them out of a curfew. I babysat in junior high and high school, but mostly older kids, 3 and up. And I was only allowed to sit for people my parents knew after one woman they didn't know well got home several hours late.

We played outside in the summer till after dark, but our parents were in their lawn chairs in a neighborhood driveway the whole time. I rode the bus the first time in third grade, from my school to my mom's school. Before that, my dad took off from work to take me to and from school.

We did get to run around a lot, but knew where the limits were. It was a small town, and most people knew each other -- and particularly us because my dad was the newspaper editor. Our neighborhood was great, a sort of cul de sac with lots of kids the same age. I wish my son could grow up in a neighborhood like that one, but I don't think they exist any more.

[TattleTeeny]

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So, I guess my peeve would be with the helicopter parents who do not ever allow their kids to be alone at any time or to make their own mistakes at any point.

Haha--something my loony mom and dad were not guilty of! As for freedom, they went on a weeklong trip when I was 16 and my sister was 12. We stayed home because we had to go to school!

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I love her as my sister, but she's toxic, narcissistic and a drama llama mama.

This part ^! I too have drama llama (though she is not a mama) sister. 

Edited May 12, 2016 by TattleTeeny

[Bastet]

I think my parents struck a great balance, imposing reasonable restrictions/taking reasonable precautions that changed as I matured and otherwise giving me room to explore and learn, letting me fall flat on my face (sometimes figuratively, one time literally) from time to time so I'd learn how to accept consequences and avoid similar mistakes in the future.  Of course, at the time I thought they were super strict, but I came out of the womb ready to do battle with authority, so what did I know?  (Hell, I still struggle with the fact people exist in the world who can tell me what to do.)

Peeve: For Mother's Day, I took my mom to a restaurant she loves but that we hadn't been to in a while.  When I walked up to request a table for two, the host asked for my phone number.  Wondering why on earth he wanted my number rather than my name, I asked.  "We'll send you a text when your table is ready." 

Um, no.  My cell phone is lying dead in my car, in need of a charge.  Even if it was in my purse and working, you are not texting me -- I hardly ever use the damn thing, and when I do it's to call 99% of the time and text the other one percent, so I have a plan with a very low monthly fee that gives me more minutes per month than I'd use in five years and charges a fee per text.  I am not paying even whatever paltry amount it is for you to tell me my table is ready.  And you're not getting a phone number only about ten people have.  Give me one of those things that vibrates and lights up or exert your vocal cords to call out, "Bastet, party of two."  (He did the latter - and we got a great table twenty minutes shy of the estimated wait time.)

I was pleased to see as I looked around at the other families waiting outside (it's a busy place that doesn't take reservations) only half consisted of a group of people completely ignoring each other in favor of each one staring at a damn phone; the other half were engaged in conversation with the people actually sitting there with them.  Sad that this percentage is pleasing, but in this day and age ...

Edited May 12, 2016 by Bastet

[bilgistic]

Texting that your table is ready better not become A Thing. I've never heard of such. I would assume the restaurant would spam me to the end of time or sell my data, because I trust no one with my personal info.

Edited May 12, 2016 by bilgistic

[Petunia13]

On May 11, 2016 at 10:19 PM, lordonia said:

Is it sad to be a latchkey kid, or that the boys weren't expected to do housework?

My parents were divorced when my sister and I were toddlers and I don't remember ever having a babysitter.  Starting in kindergarten, we were responsible for getting ourselves to school in the morning, either walking or by public bus. We were alone with a list of chores after school before mom came home. She went out 2-3 nights a week. I think it made both of us very self-sufficient and independent.*

Nothing bad ever happened, though, which gives me the freedom to say that. We were born in 1950 and '51, so nobody gave a thought to calling social services on us.

 

* It's also part of the reason I can't wrap my brain around millennials in their 20s who are incapable of making the simplest of decisions without consulting their parents.

It was sad in a sense only sometimes my mom has rapid cycling bipolar disorder so that accounted for some absentism. a few times when she'd have an episode she'd take off and bring me and leave my younger sister and her husband and we'd go to a different state and start a new fake life. And a suicide attempt where she was gone and I had to stay with relatives.

 But usually it was fine being latchkey kids or spending nights up alone my single digits yes. And often she was home or doing mommy loving things especially during the day.