Agent Carter Quotes: Crikey O'Reilly!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Peggy: Don't hold your breath, especially with tuberculosis.

 

Colleen: You know there's a difference between being an independent woman and a spinster.

Peggy: Is it the shoes?

 

Thompson: Carter, I'm going to be a little busy with your friend Stark. If you don't mind, these surveillance reports need to be filed and you're really so much better at that kind of thing.

Peggy: What kind of thing is that, Agent Thompson? The alphabet? I can teach you. Let's start with words that begin with A.

 

Peggy: Howard, you're asking me to become a traitor in order to prove you're not one. You do see the irony.

 

Jarvis: Should you need me, call me any time before nine.

Peggy: What happens at nine?

Jarvis: My wife and I go to bed. Seven o'clock, sherry. Eight o'clock, Benny Goodman. Nine o'clock, bed.

[Jediknight]

"That's Sarah, she's a slut."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Peggy: So I've got two foreign agents with no voice boxes fighting over a milk truck full of experimental implosives.

 

Jarvis: On occasion, Mr. Stark enjoys adding a theatrical element to his romantic endeavours.

 

Peggy: I told you I don't need your help.

Jarvis: An ideal butler provides service without being asked.

 

Peggy: Comfortable back there, Mr. Jarvis?

Jarvis: Perfectly, thank you. These racks of explosives are distracting me from the smell of stale milk.

[Sandman]

Peggy [watching Jarvis suturing her lacerated leg]: You do that very well.

Jarvis: Mr. Stark's zippers are under considerable strain.

[Danny Franks]

"How long do you plan on working for the telephone company?"

"Only until I'm married, Mrs Fry."

 

I laughed out loud at that bit.

[TudorQueen]

Leet Brannis: "I don't kill people. I sell things to people who do."

 

Nice to know he has standards.

[Mars477]

Peggy: "Well that was a little premature!"

 

Hah.

[Trini]

Peggy: "Crikey O'reilly!"  <--Also my suggestion for a thread subtitle.

[AzureOwl]

"That's Sarah, she's a slut."

 

It was all in the delivery. There was no judgement, no recrimination, no meanness... she was just stating a fact.

Edited January 12, 2015 by AzureOwl

[Sandman]

Oh, I think it was plenty mean. Lightly said, but still mean.

[kennyab]

Oh, I think it was plenty mean. Lightly said, but still mean.

 

I wouldn't quite say mean, but I would definitely say judgmental. It's one of those things where I thought the delivery was fantastic, but the line itself made me cringe a bit. It gives me that cognitive dissonance where I realize it's being said by a character from the 40's, when the notion of slut shaming wasn't frowned upon, but was written by a modern writer, and I end up finding it funny and then feeling a bit bad that I find it funny. So then I imagine it coming from a crazy 80-year-old who doesn't know any better and hope the bad thoughts go away.

[Jediknight]

"I know how you feel, blindsided, like when my cousin Ralphie got hit by a bus, granted he did just knockoff a news stand, but still big shock."

[Advance35]

"I got 50 cents in tips today, The war is over, I thought we were all spending money again"

"50 Cents in tips would be a considerable improvement over my day"

[Minneapple]

Dooley: I gotta call Krzemenski's wife

Thompson: I'll call his girlfriend

Made me giggle in the midst of the mourning.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jarvis: [getting into a police car] Well, this will be novel. I haven't been in the back of a car in years.

 

Angie: I got a bottle of schnapps and half a rhubarb pie. Let's see which one makes us sick first.

Peggy: I was just about to go to bed.

Angie: It's 8:30, grandma!

 

Jarvis: Your knowledge of waste removal rather surprises me.

 

Jarvis: The war broke out and things became difficult.

Peggy: [Anna] was Jewish.

Jarvis: Still is, I'm happy to say.

Edited January 14, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Sandman]

Jarvis: I'm sorry, I can't agree to such -- pardon my language -- extortion.

Thug: It's not extrorshing. This is a shakedown!

[Rick Kitchen]

Dottie: is that an automatic?  I want it.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Thug: One grand bills? You ever even seen these?

Jarvis: I can assure you that's legal tender and far easier to transport than fifty thousand singles.

 

Jarvis: Your manners never cease to disappoint.

 

Howard: So how are you two getting along? Peggy tried Anna's goulash? Peggy, Jarvis know you can do 107 one armed push ups?

 

Miriam: Are you familiar with the id and the ego?

Peggy: Are they children's characters?

Miriam: Oh, good. It is unbecoming for a lady to read Freud but what you must understand is that until a certain age, you do not know how to govern your own impulses and that leaves me to defend young women from compulsions.

 

Lorraine: Don't you think your cousin looks just like Howard Stark?

Peggy: My cousin is a lot shorter.

Howard: And much better looking.

 

Howard: You don't have to get changed with the door closed. I thought we were friends.

 

Doobin: Howard Stark is either an ignoramus or a genius.

Peggy: Most likely both.

 

Peggy: Why is your moustache so sad?

[Sandman]

It's not really a quote, but in the "genius/ignoramus" scene where Science Guy was telling Peggy about his glasses melting off his face, I loved the background business with the two techs pushing buttons on Howard's gizmo and having to put out the flames; first green, then blue. It was like Muppet Labs in there!

[kennyab]

Miriam: Oh, good. It is unbecoming for a lady to read Freud but what you must understand is that until a certain age, you do not know how to govern your own impulses and that leaves me to defend young women from compulsions.

 

 

Can we have a whole episode that's basically an homage to Oscar Wilde? That's be great.

[Sandman]

I wouldn't even need a whole episode. If Jarvis were to make a remark about the quality of the Champagne in the Stark household, I'd be happy. Or even if Dottie complained about not liking to speak German because it makes her look plain.

[Danny Franks]

 

Peggy: Why is your moustache so sad?

 

Loved this line. She's so playful with it, yet there's no element of sexual interest or flirtation. Such a nuanced read.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jarvis: [Howard Stark] can be thoughtless, inconsiderate, vain, childish, unreliable, arrogant.

Carter: You flatter him.

 

Thompson: [The vest] is ten percent titanium alloy although I don't think they had 38-22-38 in mind when they designed it.

Carter: Math isn't your forte, is it, Agent Thompson? Or is that just words in general?

 

Thompson: What is the difference between a yeti and an abominable snowman?
Juniper: One's real and the other isn't.

 

Thompson: Looks like we beat the bad guys here.

Dum Dum: So we could have slept another hour?
 

Carter: Does anyone else feel a chill going up their knickers?
Juniper: I would if I wore knickers right now.

 

Carter: "Instill...fear."

Juniper: Really regretting the lack of knickers.

 

Li: Why are there shackles on the beds?

Juniper: It's Russia, man.

 

Jarvis: I remember a time not long ago, a time when you said you were here to tell me something.

 

Carter: Dugan, I'm about to get very cross with you.

[Dugan blows a hole in the wall]

Dugan: WAHOO!

Carter: Stop wahooing and help!

Pinky: Look at this mess! We were only gone five minutes.

 

Carter: Snap out of it, mate. Now get your ass in gear.

 

Dugan: Peggy, go, go!

Carter: YOU go!

Dugan: What would Cap say if I left his best girl behind?

Carter: He would say, "Do as Peggy says!"

 

Dr. Ivchenko: Not bad - for a girl.

Carter: I hate you all.

Edited February 4, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Sandman]

Dugan: What would Cap say if I left his best girl behind?

Carter: He would say, "Do as Peggy says!"

 

Possibly my favourite exchange of the series so far. Although I do love it when Carter twits Thompson for his lack of brainpower. That just hasn't gotten old.

[Leia1979]

ELECTRICBOOGALOO, ON 04 FEB 2015 - 05:34 AM, SAID:

Dugan: What would Cap say if I left his best girl behind?

Carter: He would say, "Do as Peggy says!"

 

Possibly my favourite exchange of the series so far. Although I do love it when Carter twits Thompson for his lack of brainpower. That just hasn't gotten old.

My favorite, too. Though I'm not entirely sure who was right.

 

And perhaps my most rage-inducing exchange:

 

Peggy: Yes, sir, Lieutenant Junior Grade, sir.

Thompson: Guess you're used to serving under a captain, huh?

 

Man, did I want to smack that smug bastard. 

[Sandman]

"You're wearing my brand!"

[Rick Kitchen]

"All those phone company girls are trouble."

[Sandman]

"Really? You think Ginger Rogers is a Russian spy."

"Have you seen her eyes? Dark gates of the Abyss."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Carter: Russia has been training young women to be undercover operatives and we both know that Howard's major weakness is-

Jarvis: Woman. And raspberry truffles.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Angie: You don't look like federal agents.

Souza: We're with the Strategic Scientific Reserve.

Angie: Well I'm with the Queens County 4-H.

Mrs. Fry: I suggest you take them seriously, Miss Martinelli. Miss Carter is not who she appears to be. She has defaced the very walls of this institution!

 

Thompson: [Peggy] ever tell you about her work?
Angie: At the phone company? Just the usual stuff, complained about her fathead male coworkers a lot.

Thompson: She keep weird hours? Stay out late? Bring guys over?

Angie: Of course not! Curfew's at ten. No guys above the lobby.

Mrs. Fry: Here here.

 

[Angie crying]

Thompson: Please...don't...do that.

Souza: Could you do something here?

Mrs. Fry: Actors wear their emotions close to the surface. I could no more stop her than I could Lawrence Olivier.

 

Angie: What's your grandmother's name?
Thompson: Gam gam.

 

Mrs. Fry: I hope you're happy, making my tenants cry. And to think my taxes pay for your incompetence.

 

Angie: I knew you didn't work at the phone company!

Edited February 11, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Sandman]

Carter: Russia has been training young women to be undercover operatives and we both know that Howard's major weakness is-

Jarvis: Woman. And raspberry truffles.

 

I think Jarvis actually says "raspberry trifle," but, either way, it's a beaut.

[Leia1979]

I think Jarvis actually says "raspberry trifle," but, either way, it's a beaut.

I was trying to decide if he said truffle or trifle. I think we'll have to taste-test before we can decide.  :)

[Sandman]

Jarvis: What if there are people on the other side of that mirror?

Carter: They might be hurt; there'll be a spray of glass.

Jarvis: I see. ... Wait! What if the people on the other side of that mirror have guns?

Carter: We might be hurt; there'll be a spray of bullets.

Jarvis: I see.

 

Jarvis: I can't help noticing -- We're still attached to a table.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Carter: You think you know me but I've never been more than what each of you has created. To you, I'm a stray kitten left on your doorstep to be protected, the secretary turned damsel in distress, the girl on the pedestal transformed into some daft whore. You're behaving like children. What's worse, what's far worse, is that this is just shoddy police work.

Dooley: I'm not stupid. Even if this is true, why would I give up Carter or you for a piece of paper?

Jarvis: A signed piece of paper.

Dooley: For the record, I find you repulsive.

Carter: And I suppose the confession portrays me as, what, a patsy? A doe eyed idiot who succumbed to the charms of America's moustachioed Casanova?

Jarvis: That is the gist, yes, with a bankruptcy sideplot sprinkled on top to provide motive for Mr. Stark's deeds.

Carter: Have you ever been hanged, Mr. Jarvis?

Jarvis: I can't say that I have, no.

Carter: It is quite unpleasant.

Carter: You know Morse code?

Jarvis: Your surprise wounds me.

Dooley: Agent Carter.

Carter: It's Miss Carter. I don't work here anymore.

Dooley: I'm supposed to believe that you pulled off your own investigation without any of us noticing.

Souza: Why would you go through all that trouble instead of coming to one of us?

Carter: I conducted my own investigation because no one listens to me. I got away with it because no one looks at me. Because unless I have your reports, your coffee, or your lunch, I'm invisible.

Ivchenko: You're late.

Dottie: We've been compromised.

Ivchenko: I know. It's irrelevant.

Jarvis: Please help! We're taken hostage in here!

Carter: No one's coming.

Jarvis: I know you may be universally despised in this establishment but they barely know me.

Carter: Mr. Jarvis, how would you feel if we smashed that mirror with this table?

Jarvis: I would feel splendid about it.

Edited February 19, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Sandman]

Peggy's "I'm invisible" speech is the zinger I've been waiting all series for.

 

Well, that, and "Flippin' hell!"

[I Love Me]

Favorite word of the night?  Moustachioed!!

[TudorQueen]

"Atta girl"  Perfect, concise, and no I am not crying.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

[Howard clips his nose hairs while Jarvis holds a mirror]

Howard: How does that look?

Jarvis: Like a nest of spiders  - with very short legs.

 

Howard: Hero. He is a hero.

Thompson: He is...a hero. For all Americans.

Howard: Humbled by his genius. No, brilliance. Humbled by his brilliance.

Thompson: We are humbled...Here's Howard Stark.

 

Toy: See? I told you it was a great idea.

Jarvis: Your genius knows no bounds, sir.

 

Carter: I know my value. Anyone else's opinion doesn't really matter.

 

Angie: You got a phone? I have to call my mother.

Jarvis: Naturally. There's a telephone in every room.

Angie: Omigawd, are you kidding me?

 

Jarvis: How refreshing to meet someone who appreciates the finer things.

Carter: I appreciate the finer things. I just don't want to know what's happened in and on the fine things.

 

Jarvis: My next project is quite engrossing - a complete and total overhaul of the kitchen spices.

Edited February 25, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Ceindreadh]

 

Jarvis: How refreshing to meet someone who appreciates the finer things.

Carter: I appreciate the finer things. I just don't want to know what's happened in and on the fine things.

 

 

 

The best thing is the way Jarvis then just looks at the cushion he's holding as if he's thinking of exactly what's 'happened' in and on it!

[Aoife]

James D'Arcy is the master of the slightly appalled / perplexed expression.

 

Pretty sure everyone has quoted everything there is to quote in an eight episode season, but my favourites:

 

1. The back and forth in the interrogation room in the finale.

 

2. The Ginger Rogers one. I howled.

 

3. "Still can't find my leg" 

 

4. "Bloody Nora" (which may have been used in real life)

 

5. "I took two buses to an audition, and sang two of "Are you or Ain't you" and they cut me off. I guess I ain't." I love Angie for that quote alone. Exact song title might need citation though.

[charis]

The actual song seems to be "Is You Is Or Is You Ain't (My Baby)", which was a 1944-vintage jazz standard. The utter matter-of-factness of Angie's delivery makes that line for me.

[Sandman]

"I'm not really one for the cinema."

"What do you do for relaxation? Assemble rifles?"

Oh, how I've missed the Carter/Jarvis banter!

Also:

"Radio?"

"... No."

::zzzzzzuump::

"Good Lord, is that a mirror?"

Edited January 20, 2016 by Sandman

[AimingforYoko]

"What are you going to do, punch everyone in Los Angeles?" "I could do with a hobby."

[Sandman]

I thought the switch on "Love the hat" was cute, too.

 

I liked that the show just picked right back up with Danger Dottie as nemesis.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Thompson: It's a real burden being everyone's favorite agent, isn't it?

 

Jarvis: You're puzzled.

Peggy: Puzzled, yes, that's the word.

Jarvis: It's the flamingo, isn't it?

 

Jarvis: You have no idea how foreign Los Angeles will seem to a civilized person such as yourself. They eat avocados - with everything. The foliage is preposterous. Take the palm tree. Would you trust the structural integrity of such a thing? They afford no shade! Everybody says it's a very dry heat but that doesn't mean it isn't unbearably hot. And worst of all, the drivers are both abundant and abundantly irresponsible.

 

Jarvis: Miss Carter, since our last adventure my life has consisted of oiling floorboards, cleaning pools, and transporting exotic livestock. I'm profoundly and exhaustively bored.

 

Peggy: When can we expect our esteemed Mr. Stark to return from the preproductions of his motion picture?

Jarvis: That depends on how long the location scout allows Mr. Stark to scout her locations.

 

Samberly: That's not ice.

Peggy: Then what is it?

Samberly: Short answer is I don't know. So's the long answer.

 

Wilkes: Taste this.

Peggy: You poisoning me?

Wilkes: That's ethanol, so yes.

Peggy: I'm usually a whiskey girl but this is the best wine I've ever tasted.

Wilkes: See? See? I realized that by manipulating the oxygen and the acid, I could tweak the pH balance-

Peggy: So you're a genius.

Wilkes: No. But yes.

 

Andrew: Calvin Chadwick is a wealthy industrialist. He's not going around killing women and throwing them in a lakes.

 

Jarvis: I couldn't maneuver [barnard] into his enclosure. He's the devil in pink.

 

Anna: I sewed you this.

Peggy: What is it?

Anna: A garter - that's also a holster.

Peggy: You are fantastic!

 

Peggy: I'm not one for the cinema.
Jarvis: What do you do for relaxation? Assemble rifles?

 

Jarvis: Is [my nose] broken?

Peggy: You'll live.

Jarvis: Of course I'll live. I'm worried about the aesthetic.

 

Jarvis: I've actually developed into rather a dangerous judoka.

Peggy: How many butlers can say that?

 

Sousa: It's a pretty swanky place. You might want to get yourself dolled up a little bit.

Peggy: I'm perfectly dolled up, thank you.

 

Jarvis: I thought Mr. Stark's leisure car would be appropriate. Couple of things I ought to show you. This button here is in case you find yourself dehydrated. [flips open compartment with champagne bottle and two glasses]

Peggy: Howard Stark becomes more ridiculous the longer I know him.

Jarvis: This button here adjusts the windows for more privacy. There's a small compartment in the back with a change of clothes. And this is what Mr. Stark affectionately refers to as his "sock on the doorknob."

Peggy: WHAT?!

Jarvis: It's a tracking device. Mr. Stark activates it when he's abandoned the car for the evening because he's found companionship.

Peggy: When I think Howard has reached the depths of depravity, you dig up a wellspring, Mr. Jarvis. [points to a button] Radio?

Jarvis: Noooo.

[seat flips down]

Peggy: Good lord, is that a mirror?

 

Peggy: And suddenly I was alone. I had nowhere to turn and it dawned on me that I was going to have to face this all by myself. Then the door opened and the headmaster walked in to find me wearing a bandit mask in his bedroom, my hands filled with his wife's knickers and his most expensive bottle of brandy.

 

Wilkes: I'm starting to think I'd make a pretty good secret agent.

 

[Peggy retrieves the tire iron]

Wilkes: What's that for?

Peggy: You used all of my bullets.

 

Jarvis: I'm immensely relieved you're not harmed.

 

Anna: Edwin suggested tea but I thought whiskey was more the order of the day.

Peggy: Bless you.

[Bort]

Dottie: Weren't you taught any manners? Help the geezer.

[Tiger]

Peggy pretending to be one of Howard's girls: "I get so confused around books".

HA added the perfect bit of 'valley girl' to her usual Yankee accent.

Edited January 27, 2016 by Tiger

[ProudMary]

Peggy:  I'd rather be the cowboy.

 

Loved it!

[Sandman]

Jarvis: It's a temporary measure. I have no desire to spend eternity as a disembodied voice.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Howard: [The Arena Club] keeps their ranks male and pale. Jarvis here isn't even white enough for them.

Jarvis: I'm one-sixteenth Turkish.

 

Howard: Who's Dottie Underwood?

Jarvis: She kidnapped you.

Howard: ...

Jarvis: At gunpoint. Not long ago.

Howard: ...

Jarvis: You were wearing your brown leather jacket.

Howard: The Russian knockout with the killer backhand.

 

Thompson: Figured I'd drop by and clean up another one of your messes.

Carter: Is that what you think you do?

 

Carter: The only communist I know is Dottie Underwood. Have you gotten one iota of information out of her yet? Or is she still rearranging the office furniture atop your sternum?

 

Torrance: You'll find that the majority of our membership hails from the Ivy League. of course - Harvard, Yale, Princeton. Last month we even admitted a gentleman from Brown, heaven help us.

 

Stark: Listen, Torrance, you've got one hell of a building here. Unfortunately what you've got inside that building is duller than Sunday mass.

Torrance: Take my word for it, it can get quite raucous. Why, just yesterday we had the monthly rehearsal of our very own barbershop quartet.

 

Stark: From the pharmacy, get me some saline solution and some sterilized water. From the lab, get me some silver halide and some ammonium thiosulfate. And pick up any heavy metal you can find, just in case. Oh, and from the market, get me some of that cheese I like. You know, what is it? That yellow one.

Jarvis: Velveeta. I'll get two bricks.

 

Stark: You just make sure you let me know if I'm going to need to find myself a new butler.

Jarvis: I'm more than happy in my position, sir.

Stark. I know. I'm great!

 

Peggy: I've never met a famous movie star.

Whitney: Oh, please. We're just like everybody else. We put our pearls on one strand at a time.

 

Sousa: Early bird's got nothing on the night owl.

Edited January 27, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo