Small Talk: The Regency Bar

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, realityplease said:

One daughter each. Hadn't noticed. Interesting!  As the saying goes, "A son is a son until he takes him a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for the rest of her life."

Not sure how true that is - but when I was the caregiver for my two elderly parents, I sure ran across more daughters being the caregivers for elderly parents than the sons, or doing more for them, or more attuned to their needs.  Sure, there were exceptions - but mostly, the daughters got the brunt.  With the housewives, this group of daughters sure landed some attention seeking & demanding mothers!  Sure won't be easy for them as these women age.

As for daughters being easier to relate to or becoming friends with daughters - sometimes yes, sometimes no.  Sometimes only after the teen years pass.  Had lots of friends at loggerheads with their moms throughout their teens - even those who eventually bonded & were close as adults, though some never did.  But at least for a time, some blamed their moms or took out everything & anything on their moms - while largely giving the dad a pass.  Guess it varies greatly & depends on the temperament of the individuals too. You don't always get the perfect child or the perfect parent - or the reaction or interaction you expect - though the expectation may be there. 

Yes, that's the saying that escaped me!

Women are supposedly more nurturing. A family friend who works at a hospital really wanted a daughter because he saw way more daughters visiting their parents than he did sons.

Yeah some women are terrified of having daughters. I've also heard men say they don't mind the little girl stage but dealing with teens and boyfriends freaks them out. I know people who strongly prefer one or the other. "Boys are fun and so much easier." or "Little girls are so cute, like dolls." I find it interesting as someone who would be thrilled to have healthy kids, no matter the gender. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

So, I feel kind of like a Real Housewife, but I was hoping that I could vent here. You guys are always so encouraging and supportive. You always make me feel safe. I feel like you guys hear me.

My sister, an enormously successful orthopedic surgeon, married a man who, on their wedding day, tapped my sister’s car and said, in front of my parents, “Now everything is half mine.” He owns a business that has been struggling; and has, barely, if at all, seen a profit. 

My son and I have been visiting my sister every summer, for the past three years.

My sister pays her housekeeper every Wednesday to clean the house. The housekeeper makes the bed on Wednesday. Every other day, no one makes the bed. My sister wakes up at 5 am. Her husband wakes up at 7 am.

I wanted to do something nice for my sister. So I made the bed.

It made her happy!

But then I hear him yell, “Stay out of our bedroom!”

Then, five minutes later, he comes over to me and yells, “Boundaries!”

So I apologize. My sister comes over later and asks, “Are you okay?” 
 

I tell her that I am okay, because I don’t want to create conflict between them. But this actually made me feel sick to my stomach. Because if this is how he talks to me, how does he talk to my sister? I love my sister very, very, very much. She is extremely kind and thoughtful and loving and generous with her time and everything! She and my mother are my heroes!

Today I discovered that my sister’s husband has been texting my 14-year-old son.

Now, if he had just asked me, “Okay if I text your son?” I would have been more okay with it. 
 

But they are in California. We are in NJ. He texts my son at 8:30 am, his time, while my son is at school. “I don’t want to get you in trouble!” 

He texted, “Are you getting lost in your new high school?” “I still have dreams about getting lost in my high school.”

He has texted ME only a handful of times during the past 25 years. Yet, he’s texting my son often. 
 

I crossed boundaries by making the bed, but this is fine?!?

 

Thank you for reading this. I always appreciate your kindness. ❤️❤️❤️

[Mindthinkr]

4 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

So, I feel kind of like a Real Housewife, but I was hoping that I could vent here. You guys are always so encouraging and supportive. You always make me feel safe. I feel like you guys hear me.

My sister, an enormously successful orthopedic surgeon, married a man who, on their wedding day, tapped my sister’s car and said, in front of my parents, “Now everything is half mine.” He owns a business that has been struggling; and has, barely, if at all, seen a profit. 

My son and I have been visiting my sister every summer, for the past three years.

My sister pays her housekeeper every Wednesday to clean the house. The housekeeper makes the bed on Wednesday. Every other day, no one makes the bed. My sister wakes up at 5 am. Her husband wakes up at 7 am.

I wanted to do something nice for my sister. So I made the bed.

It made her happy!

But then I hear him yell, “Stay out of our bedroom!”

Then, five minutes later, he comes over to me and yells, “Boundaries!”

So I apologize. My sister comes over later and asks, “Are you okay?” 
 

I tell her that I am okay, because I don’t want to create conflict between them. But this actually made me feel sick to my stomach. Because if this is how he talks to me, how does he talk to my sister? I love my sister very, very, very much. She is extremely kind and thoughtful and loving and generous with her time and everything! She and my mother are my heroes!

Today I discovered that my sister’s husband has been texting my 14-year-old son.

Now, if he had just asked me, “Okay if I text your son?” I would have been more okay with it. 
 

But they are in California. We are in NJ. He texts my son at 8:30 am, his time, while my son is at school. “I don’t want to get you in trouble!” 

He texted, “Are you getting lost in your new high school?” “I still have dreams about getting lost in my high school.”

He has texted ME only a handful of times during the past 25 years. Yet, he’s texting my son often. 
 

I crossed boundaries by making the bed, but this is fine?!?

 

Thank you for reading this. I always appreciate your kindness. ❤️❤️❤️

Do you have access to read all of those texts? I can understand an occasional one, but what does a fully grown man need to chat with a 14 year old about every day?  Perhaps it’s just me, but I’d be suspicious. I’ve seen too much on tv about grooming etc. 
 

P.S. I thought making the bed for your sister was a kind gesture. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

24 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

Do you have access to read all of those texts? I can understand an occasional one, but what does a fully grown man need to chat with a 14 year old about every day?  Perhaps it’s just me, but I’d be suspicious. I’ve seen too much on tv about grooming etc. 
 

P.S. I thought making the bed for your sister was a kind gesture. 

That’s exactly how I felt. Why is this senior citizen thinking about my son, first thing in his morning? I read the entire thread. It made me very uncomfortable. He knows what interests my son, so he sent links and photos about those activities. I would never do that with a 14-year-old nephew or niece, unless I ran it past my sibling. I would send it to the parent and ask him/her/them to share it with the child. The only time I would text the child directly is to say, “Happy Birthday!” or “Happy Holidays!”

He and I do NOT have a good relationship. But he’s texting my son?

Thank you, Mindthinkr, for reading my post, processing it, and sharing your thoughts. 
 

All I wanted to do, making the bed, was make my sister smile. And it did make her happy.
 

Thank you for your comforting words. I really appreciate it. 

[RealHousewife]

@hoodooznoodooz you seem like such a sweetheart, and I really enjoy your posts. Sending you positive vibes!

You sound like an awesome sister. I hope your BIL meant no harm, but I absolutely do not blame you for being suspicious. Adults only have so much to say to kids, especially when there isn’t a close relationship where he’d be in contact with you. I don’t have kids, but if I did, I wouldn’t trust them with this man.

[hoodooznoodooz]

4 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

@hoodooznoodooz you seem like such a sweetheart, and I really enjoy your posts. Sending you positive vibes!

You sound like an awesome sister. I hope your BIL meant no harm, but I absolutely do not blame you for being suspicious. Adults only have so much to say to kids, especially when there isn’t a close relationship where he’d be in contact with you. I don’t have kids, but if I did, I wouldn’t trust them with this man.

Thank you so much for your kind and understanding post. I am grateful that you recognize how important my sister’s happiness is to me. Are you a mother to any dogs or cats (or rabbits or parakeets or. . . .)? They are blessed to have someone so loving and considerate taking care of them. 

I truly appreciate your taking the time to help me process this. I value your words immensely. 

[RealHousewife]

2 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

Thank you so much for your kind and understanding post. I am grateful that you recognize how important my sister’s happiness is to me. Are you a mother to any dogs or cats (or rabbits or parakeets or. . . .)? They are blessed to have someone so loving and considerate taking care of them. 

I truly appreciate your taking the time to help me process this. I value your words immensely. 

Thank you for your kindness as well! All I have right now is baby fever.

Anytime! I also like to get opinions when I feel weird about something, but I think your mom instincts are right on. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

Thank you for your kindness as well! All I have right now is baby fever.

Anytime! I also like to get opinions when I feel weird about something, but I think your mom instincts are right on. 

Oh, that’s exciting! I had baby fever and still have baby fever! Children are so wonderful. Let me know if you want to discuss it. I had to use IVF, several cycles. So when my son was finally born, it was such a gift. 
 

I am the same way. And I feel that there are so many intelligent, rational individuals here, providing valuable insight into human nature.

Many thanks to you!

[Stats Queen]

On 9/29/2023 at 4:18 AM, hoodooznoodooz said:

So, I feel kind of like a Real Housewife, but I was hoping that I could vent here. You guys are always so encouraging and supportive. You always make me feel safe. I feel like you guys hear me.

My sister, an enormously successful orthopedic surgeon, married a man who, on their wedding day, tapped my sister’s car and said, in front of my parents, “Now everything is half mine.” He owns a business that has been struggling; and has, barely, if at all, seen a profit. 

My son and I have been visiting my sister every summer, for the past three years.

My sister pays her housekeeper every Wednesday to clean the house. The housekeeper makes the bed on Wednesday. Every other day, no one makes the bed. My sister wakes up at 5 am. Her husband wakes up at 7 am.

I wanted to do something nice for my sister. So I made the bed.

It made her happy!

But then I hear him yell, “Stay out of our bedroom!”

Then, five minutes later, he comes over to me and yells, “Boundaries!”

So I apologize. My sister comes over later and asks, “Are you okay?” 
 

I tell her that I am okay, because I don’t want to create conflict between them. But this actually made me feel sick to my stomach. Because if this is how he talks to me, how does he talk to my sister? I love my sister very, very, very much. She is extremely kind and thoughtful and loving and generous with her time and everything! She and my mother are my heroes!

Today I discovered that my sister’s husband has been texting my 14-year-old son.

Now, if he had just asked me, “Okay if I text your son?” I would have been more okay with it. 
 

But they are in California. We are in NJ. He texts my son at 8:30 am, his time, while my son is at school. “I don’t want to get you in trouble!” 

He texted, “Are you getting lost in your new high school?” “I still have dreams about getting lost in my high school.”

He has texted ME only a handful of times during the past 25 years. Yet, he’s texting my son often. 
 

I crossed boundaries by making the bed, but this is fine?!?

 

Thank you for reading this. I always appreciate your kindness. ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for sharing. This is just so not right. He seems like a really controlling asshole. All of the sudden he’s texting your son. That is not right. I feel like he is sending a message to you by texting your son. 
This is just disturbing.

I personally think you should get your son a new phone number. 
If your BIL had such a reaction to you making the bed, he should not be trusted. 
 

Your are such a delight and I love your posts and getting me hooked on Watch What Crappens - 

Edited October 2, 2023 by Stats Queen

[hoodooznoodooz]

18 hours ago, Stats Queen said:

Thank you for sharing. This is just so not right. He seems like a really controlling asshole. All of the sudden he’s texting your son. That is not right. I feel like he is sending a message to you by texting your son. 
This is just disturbing.

I personally think you should get your son a new phone number. 
If your BIL had such a reaction to you making the bed, he should not be trusted. 
 

Your are such a delight and I love your posts and getting me hooked on Watch What Crappens - 

Stats Queen, thank you so much for reading my post and analyzing the situation. 
I’ve spoken to a few friends about this. They have all supported and comforted me, and I am so grateful. But you are the first to speculate that my sister’s husband is a control freak and is sending me a message by texting my son. That’s exactly what I was considering!! It felt like he was trying to antagonize me. The easiest, quickest way to upset me was to involve my son.
A new phone number is a very good idea. Thank you very much! 
The feeling is mutual! Your posts are always so interesting, fun and/or thought-provoking. 
Another poster got ME hooked on Ronnie and Ben. I’m so happy that you are hooked, too. They are so hilarious, but also so self-aware and willing to be vulnerable about their own experiences and how they relate to the show. 

Again, I truly appreciate your reply. It really helps. Please let me know if you ever need to vent about anything. 

[ZettaK]

On 10/2/2023 at 3:10 PM, hoodooznoodooz said:

Stats Queen, thank you so much for reading my post and analyzing the situation. 
I’ve spoken to a few friends about this. They have all supported and comforted me, and I am so grateful. But you are the first to speculate that my sister’s husband is a control freak and is sending me a message by texting my son. That’s exactly what I was considering!! It felt like he was trying to antagonize me. The easiest, quickest way to upset me was to involve my son.
A new phone number is a very good idea. Thank you very much! 
The feeling is mutual! Your posts are always so interesting, fun and/or thought-provoking. 
Another poster got ME hooked on Ronnie and Ben. I’m so happy that you are hooked, too. They are so hilarious, but also so self-aware and willing to be vulnerable about their own experiences and how they relate to the show. 

Again, I truly appreciate your reply. It really helps. Please let me know if you ever need to vent about anything. 

He seems like trying to antagonize you, and appearing cool to a younger person.

And he could make the bed himself instead of complaining somebody else did.

Edited October 3, 2023 by ZettaK

[hoodooznoodooz]

On 10/3/2023 at 4:28 PM, ZettaK said:

He seems like trying to antagonize you, and appearing cool to a younger person.

And he could make the bed himself instead of complaining somebody else did.

Thank you for reading my posts. It really does feel like an aggressive move. My sister herself does not feel the need to text my son that often. He most likely wants to be that “cool” uncle.

I am wondering if my sister and he had a conversation/argument about this years ago. He might have claimed to be too busy to make the bed. I know that he left a lot of stuff in the garage for many months, perhaps over a year. She had trouble walking from her car to the door of the house, and kept asking him to clear a path. But he let everything just sit. 
 

But I truly appreciate your comforting words.

[Stats Queen]

Okay, this is personal, but this is small talk. I don’t have any friends outside of all of you that watch the real housewives. To make a long story short, I went to a Urologist today because I’m having challenges. The doctor gave me a list of what might be going on and have to go for more testing. When hubby got home, I thought I told everything the doctor said. 
I totally forgot that if it was this one thing, Botox in the bladder might work.

I forgot this right until I turned to Bravo and a Real housewives show was airing. Husband had escaped upstairs- it messaged him “ oh, I forgot that Botox might be involved until the Real Housewives” came on 🤣😊🤣

[hoodooznoodooz]

55 minutes ago, Stats Queen said:

Okay, this is personal, but this is small talk. I don’t have any friends outside of all of you that watch the real housewives. To make a long story short, I went to a Urologist today because I’m having challenges. The doctor gave me a list of what might be going on and have to go for more testing. When hubby got home, I thought I told everything the doctor said. 
I totally forgot that if it was this one thing, Botox in the bladder might work.

I forgot this right until I turned to Bravo and a Real housewives show was airing. Husband had escaped upstairs- it messaged him “ oh, I forgot that Botox might be involved until the Real Housewives” came on 🤣😊🤣

That’s funny word association!

I hope that you are not in too much pain or discomfort and that your doctor is sensitive and compassionate. 

[Chalby]

I want to scream with this forum. I want to scream at primetimers changes the last few months. It's bad enough with all the ads popping up, the slow loading, and the lack of being able to reply quickly and having a video right where I need to type, but now I'm seeing I have 25 notifications that aren't mine.

I've been coming to this site since it was TV without pity or something like that, but The amount of garbage I have to sift through now is unbearable. When I click on my notifications, they're not notifications I asked for. Just in the last day I received notifications for: Bosch Legacy, Rocky mountain romance, Bring the darn fish, Love after Lockup, and Pastry week. What the hell is this? I have no interest in any of this. When I click the notifications it's only notify me if someone responds to my post. That's it!! Am I the only one?

[hoodooznoodooz]

23 hours ago, Chalby said:

I want to scream with this forum. I want to scream at primetimers changes the last few months. It's bad enough with all the ads popping up, the slow loading, and the lack of being able to reply quickly and having a video right where I need to type, but now I'm seeing I have 25 notifications that aren't mine.

I've been coming to this site since it was TV without pity or something like that, but The amount of garbage I have to sift through now is unbearable. When I click on my notifications, they're not notifications I asked for. Just in the last day I received notifications for: Bosch Legacy, Rocky mountain romance, Bring the darn fish, Love after Lockup, and Pastry week. What the hell is this? I have no interest in any of this. When I click the notifications it's only notify me if someone responds to my post. That's it!! Am I the only one?

I think it’s definitely worse for you than for me, even though the way it forces me back to the initial spot over and over and over again is making me CRAZY. Are you using an iPhone? One of the moderators told me she would explain my issues to tech support, but I haven’t received any follow-up. I shut down my phone twice in the past two weeks. That seemed to help temporarily. 

What’s happening to you must be absolutely maddening!

Television Without Pity, Mighty Big TV, Previously TV. I have also been reading these forums forever!

If you know of another good site with intelligent, witty and kind posters, I would be happy to join you over there. 
 

It’s gotten to the point where I click on another thread, go do something else, then return ten minutes later to read what I want to read!

 

 

Edited October 29, 2023 by hoodooznoodooz

[TazDevil]

I downloaded Duck Duck Go (on my computer) and use that to get on this site and read/post.  It stopped all of the ads and problems for me.  

[JenE4]

1 hour ago, TazDevil said:

I downloaded Duck Duck Go (on my computer) and use that to get on this site and read/post.  It stopped all of the ads and problems for me.  

Yes, seconding this solution! Duck Duck Go makes this site manageable again.

[hoodooznoodooz]

1 hour ago, TazDevil said:

I downloaded Duck Duck Go (on my computer) and use that to get on this site and read/post.  It stopped all of the ads and problems for me.  

I’ve been using DuckDuckGo for about three months. It improved my experience somewhat. But I am still scrolling scrolling scrolling, only to be kicked back to my original spot.

[Stats Queen]

23 hours ago, Chalby said:

I want to scream with this forum. I want to scream at primetimers changes the last few months. It's bad enough with all the ads popping up, the slow loading, and the lack of being able to reply quickly and having a video right where I need to type, but now I'm seeing I have 25 notifications that aren't mine.

I've been coming to this site since it was TV without pity or something like that, but The amount of garbage I have to sift through now is unbearable. When I click on my notifications, they're not notifications I asked for. Just in the last day I received notifications for: Bosch Legacy, Rocky mountain romance, Bring the darn fish, Love after Lockup, and Pastry week. What the hell is this? I have no interest in any of this. When I click the notifications it's only notify me if someone responds to my post. That's it!! Am I the only one?

It is just awful and I should not need to download new app to fix the problem (I already use this a my search engine and that doesn’t matter). 
 

it is beyond ridiculous and, why?

[Salacious Kitty]

18 minutes ago, Stats Queen said:

It is just awful and I should not need to download new app to fix the problem (I already use this a my search engine and that doesn’t matter). 
 

it is beyond ridiculous and, why?

Ad revenue for the site. They've said nothing is changing, essentially shrugging their shoulders and telling us to deal with it. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

https://forums.primetimer.com/forum/4378-technically-speaking-bugs-questions-suggestions/ 

I did read about what other posters are experiencing. Many of us are experiencing the same problems. 

I am very frustrated.

[EtheltoTillie]

Seconding Duck Duck Go on my iPad. It’s made a big difference. 

[Chalby]

On 10/27/2023 at 8:35 PM, hoodooznoodooz said:

Television Without Pity, Mighty Big TV, Previously TV. I have also been reading these forums forever!

It’s gotten to the point where I click on another thread, go do something else, then return ten minutes later to read what I want to read!

Lol! Thank you for listing them. I couldn't remember all the names of this forum and its previous inceptions. Same goes to you - if you find a good forum I'll follow you.

Ps - I hate when I reply to two different conversations and they merge my replies. That's when I have to just shut off the phone and try another day.

[Stats Queen]

23 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Seconding Duck Duck Go on my iPad. It’s made a big difference. 

Is it the app itself?

[EtheltoTillie]

18 minutes ago, Stats Queen said:

Is it the app itself?

yes, once you install the app, you use that as your search engine to go to the  web site. 

[Chalby]

On 9/29/2023 at 12:37 PM, hoodooznoodooz said:

I am grateful that you recognize how important my sister’s happiness is to me.

I'm still shaking my head at him snapping, "Boundaries!" Making beds is crossing boundaries? I could see if you were rifling through his drawers or looking into bedside cabinets and such, but you haven't crossed anything.

I wish your sister had just piped up and said, "the maid does that, and more, yet you don't accuse him"?

How awkward for everyone. He's just being a goof, but I would keep my eye on him regarding control issues. Good luck (especially to your sister.)

[Meredith Quill]

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