S01 E01: Not Some Raggedy Prison Wife

[candall]

I don't know the protocol for starting the episode threads so I just threw this one out because I can't wait to see some commentary for this thing!

 

 

 

 

[kathybgd]

Wow! These losers don't need any airtime or recognition.

[Persnickety1]

What the actual fuck did I watch last night?

 

Okay, yes, I have some raging flu bug or the dreaded Ebola or something that renders me randomly comatose, but...

 

What was up with Little Mary Sunshine, Jhemini?  She looked absolutely tickled to death to be visiting her husband in the pen.  Hell, if I didn't know the backdrop, I'd think she was preparing to welcome home her husband from a 6-month deployment.  

 

And feeling some bizarre superiority that her hubby was "only" locked up for assault instead of homicide?  Seriously?  He tried to kill the other dude, he just failed.  Doesn't make him better than the other women's counterparts.  

 

I did love Kate's snark that had their husbands had better aim, they'd be in the same boat as the other women.

 

And LaQuisha?  What the hell, woman?  Nice looking woman, nice looking ex-husband, nice-looking child, everyone seems intelligent and...she married a high school fuck buddy who's behind bars for how long?  What's fundamentally wrong with this picture?

 

I need to watch this episode again when I can stay awake through it.  Unlike the Manzos or RHONJ, I didn't fall asleep because this was so boring but because I was sick.  I think.  I'll know for sure after another attempt.  

 

Thanks, Lifetime, for yet another barrel full of snark on an otherwise boring weeknight!

[helloagain]

Wow.  I am disappointed that there is not more discussion on this.  Hopefully more will join the party later

 

I just...do not understand what these ladies get out this?  Maybe the ones that can have conjugal visits and their husbands are getting out in <10 years (I still don't get it though), but the ones whose husbands are spending their lives in prison?  You can never make love, or cuddle, or hug your husband (well, only when you visit).  If you are having a bad day, you can't call him to vent or make you feel better.  The one woman (sorry, I'm not sure of everyone's name yet) said her husbands release date is 2060! That is fortyfuckingfive years from now.  If she's 30, she will be 75! What in the hell?  Is she going to be celibate for that long?  I just can't even.

 

And the one husband who told his wife that she better not be showing her camel toe in her spandex pants.  TMI.  And her snarking in her TH that since her husband is a lifer, he can never kill her.  WTF.  

I did see in the preview for the season that she was preparing for his early release so I guess he is getting out early.

 

I did like Kate.  I felt like she was keeping it real, especially when she said that if Gemini's husband had better aim, he'd be a lifer too. At least she's "allowed" to get it on with some ladies. 

 

I'll keep watching.    

[Persnickety1]

I'm going to keep watching, too.  

 

If for no other reason than to figure out what is fundamentally "off" with a couple of these women that they find security in being strapped to a man they may never actually physically touch.  Must be a big psychological component involved.

 

Okay, off to get back on the couch and watch this again, hopefully all the way through with no nodding off.

[candall]

Exactly.  All that "allowing" was shocking.  She can't have cocktails with her friends because his current living situation doesn't include booze?  One woman finally explained it:  her husband is suffering from not being able to control much in prison, so she lets him control her.  Wow.  These women have a sense of loyalty that seems pretty warped to me.  Do they all have in their minds that their husbands would be returning these favors if the situations were reversed? 

 

And how about those 48 hour conjugal visits, making little homecooked meals in their tiny kitchenettes and the viewer tips on how to sneak in sex toys?

 

I didn't agree when states started prohibiting cigarettes throughout their prison systems.  Obviously lots of people disapprove of it, but smoking can be extremely soothing for jangled nerves, which is probably an apt description of everyone in prison, all the time.  I don't know why smoking privileges would be denied while these few men who were able to snag wives from behind bars get to enjoy the occasional cozy dinner & shag fest.

[WhoaWhoKnew]

Jhemini is a wreck.

I loved how she described what her husband was in for. "An altercation and there was a weapon involved.." The man shot someone!

She seems to be the only one in serious denial though. I was honestly expecting a lot of talk about their husbands being railroaded.

[ExplainItAgain]

Whoa - I DVR'd this and just watched. This is so unlike anything I would normally watch.

 

Ana...holy crap, thinking he wouldn't get out because he was a "lifer" and then finding out the laws changed...yikes.

 

Kate is pretty much the definition of raggedy prison wife. Jhemini...makes me sad. Her whole life is her prison husband. She seems to have no friends, her family doesn't know she's married. LaQuisha...I can't even with her.

 

What are these photographs in front of fake waterfalls and beaches?? The prison provides those backdrops?? Or are they photoshopped?

 

I'm guessing this is in Washington, based on mentioning Puyallup/Bellevue?

 

The preview sucked me in...I'm in. Hello all!!

[red12]

Whoa - I DVR'd this and just watched. This is so unlike anything I would normally watch.

 

Ana...holy crap, thinking he wouldn't get out because he was a "lifer" and then finding out the laws changed...yikes.

 

Kate is pretty much the definition of raggedy prison wife. Jhemini...makes me sad. Her whole life is her prison husband. She seems to have no friends, her family doesn't know she's married. LaQuisha...I can't even with her.

 

What are these photographs in front of fake waterfalls and beaches?? The prison provides those backdrops?? Or are they photoshopped?

 

I'm guessing this is in Washington, based on mentioning Puyallup/Bellevue?

 

The preview sucked me in...I'm in. Hello all!!

The "he can't get out and kill me" lady was hilarious and tragic at the same time. Here's hoping he doesn't actually know where she lives and she can divorce him quickly. I know she probably won't, but here's hoping.

 

Judging from the peek I got into Jhemini's personality, I'm not confused about why she has few friends. She probably thinks women are just jealous though.

 

LaQuisha yelling at her daughter about homework while trying to talk to her "husband" made me want to smack her. Idiot, you were in the house while your daughter was watching tv. You didn't even ask if she had homework?

 

Based on these pictures and various A&E tv shows, I think the prison provides those backdrops for weddings or they all use the same photography contractor.

 

Koral is in Bellevue and I am surprised they let this show film there. They must need money.

[MakingBacon]

Oh how I love watching prison related shows. This reminds me of the old prison wives show. Other than Kate who seems to have had a real relationship with her husband prior to his imprisonment, the rest of these women seem to have been looking for men who are unavailable. They can say they have a man but don't have to deal with the issues related to actually being in a relationship. He won't cheat, unless he is on the downlow, and you know where he is every moment of the day. It's the perfect relationship for women who are afraid of trying, maybe failing, at the real thing or who have been abused. Jhemini screams this to me. She tries way to hard to convince everyone, including herself, that she and her husband are the prison version of Ozzie & Harriet. 

[ChristmasJones]

I love the subject of women who marry men who are in prison, and when I find one to record on my DVR, I sit down with a big bowl of my favorite snacks, and enjoy every minute of it.

 

one of my favorites was an interview with the woman who married one of the Menedez brothers after he was convicted for murdering his parents. She moved across the country so she could be close to the prison.

 

Anyway, I hope this will be a good show. its fascinating to try to understand what motivates a woman to choose a man who is incarcerated for a long time/life sentence. I can understand the ones with 10 year sentences and conjugal visits a BIT more.... but the lifers.....whoa.... I basically think its a way for a woman to feel safe. She gets to feel like she has a husband, but she never has to deal with any of the real conflict that comes when you actually live with someone. The relationship is limited to phone calls and letters, so it can have this fantasy element to it.

 

I'm in for this series!!

[jnymph]

I don't understand why these women didn't opt for long haul truck driver husbands instead. At least there'd be a regular paycheck coming in. (Guess what mr jnymphs profession is -LOL!)

Jhemini has an incredibley annoying accent. nails on a chalkboard to me!

[candall]

I don't understand why these women didn't opt for long haul truck driver husbands instead. At least there'd be a regular paycheck coming in. (Guess what mr jnymphs profession is -LOL!)

I'm with you, jnymph--I have fond memories of my various long-distance relationships: no time to bitch about the small stuff, time is precious, do we have dinner reservations? kiss me!

 

I'd think the attraction would be that these women are happy to have the marriage license or the emotional relationship or whatever, but they still get to retain complete autonomy over their own lives.   Except, they don't!  They throw that independence right into the pot, along with everything else.  You can get a regular hometown hubby if you want to listen to someone make rude remarks about your spandex pants--and he might even climb up and clean the leaves out of the gutter sometimes.

************************

I keep forgetting to ooh/ahh over the woman who works the late shift at 7/11 and her husband's concerned because that was his go-to territory for holdups.  Irony!

[Quilt Fairy]

This reminds me of the old prison wives show

Yep, that lovely series called Prison Wives, about which we had such lovely snark back on TWoP, and which ironically had a few episodes aired on some random channel a couple of days ago. They mentioned on one of those episodes that only 5 states actually allow conjugal visits.

[jnymph]

I keep forgetting to ooh/ahh over the woman who works the late shift at 7/11 and her husband's concerned because that was his go-to territory for holdups.  Irony!

 

Pure insanity, right?

When your hubby tips you off on prime targets for hoists............ummm yeah...........you really need to re-think your lot in life.   SMH.

[Trampolina]

How excited was I to find out this is in Washington?  I'm a juvenile parole officer and have been in the system for 14 years so I was really hoping to recognize somebody, but no such luck.  Oh well, still interesting.  I read a book years ago called 'Women Who Love Men Who Kill' and it talked a lot about how women who've been abused in the past feel safe with a lifer because they get all the positive attention in letters and phone calls and none of the abuse they suffered before.  I guess it makes some sort of sense, but it's still a lonely, hard way to live.  It's kind of funny because tons of men in prison have women on the outside but very few men are willing to date or marry incarcerated women...

[Jade Foxx]

 

What the actual fuck did I watch last night?

 

I came here to say exactly THIS ^^!!

 

I'll keep watching purely for the snark value...but this is some truly sad, disturbing shit.

[MakingBacon]

I wonder if Ana realizes that, if her husband gets out, he is going to use her for sex and money and then move on. LaQuisha annoys me at times but, at times, I think she and Kate are the most realistic about this life. That being said, she seemed shocked that her ex is still in his daughter's life and won't step away so her prison hubby can be her daddy. Her prison husband has no business having any input in whether she reduces her child support. He is probably worried she will have to put less money on his account. She did the right thing reducing it for two months, if the degree will help him provide even more support for their daughter.

Can someone explain how Kate can call her husband at the prison? I thought prisoners had to call out collect. Also, since when can you skype in prison? Apparently, if I choose to commit a crime, I need to do it in Washington.

 

 

How can there be a look for someone who is married to a prisoner and Jhemni doesn't want to look like that but yet she is married to a prisoner? I am sorry, you don't get to be a snob when you marry a man in prison. The party isn't her social scene? Her social scene is that one night a month she spends at the prison with her husband. Anyone really think Jhemni is going to stay with her husband when he gets out? If she wont tell her family about him now, she surely wouldn't later on. I will say that Jhemni's apartment is adorable. Does she have a real job other than thinking about returning to modeling? I assumed her family pays for her lifestyle and she was worried they would cut her off for being married to a prison.

[ExplainItAgain]

Maybe we can just convert this thread to an all-season talk thread? I don't know that we'll get enough traffic for individual episode threads.

 

Ana is a trainwreck. First she says her man is not going to control her and tell her not to drink, then she tells Rome that she loves her man controlling her. Uh, OK crazy. I think she is shitting herself that her husband is getting out of prison and she has no idea what to do about it.

 

LaQuisha, damn. LOL at a threesome when you're 85.

 

Kate seems so trashy to me, don't know why. She has Jhemini nailed spot on, though.

 

I wanted to save my final words for Jhemini, but jesus is she messed up. Her whole affected manner of talking is getting on my nerves. She is wound up so tight. Type A all the way. I'm also starting to get the feeling that her past "modeling" was code for something else (like stripping). Also, her whole attitude about not wanting to "look like" someone who is married to a prisoner. What does that "look like" pray tell Jhemini?

[kathybgd]

Jhemini is odd looking. Too odd looking to think she's 'all that'.

[MrsSmartyPants]

 

I didn't agree when states started prohibiting cigarettes throughout their prison systems.  Obviously lots of people disapprove of it, but smoking can be extremely soothing for jangled nerves, which is probably an apt description of everyone in prison, all the time.  I don't know why smoking privileges would be denied

I'm going to go out on a limb and say it 's the second hand smoke.  It's banned in restaurants, bars, etc - why not in PRISON? 

 

Plus, imagine the poor guards (who are basically doing time themselves) having to inhale that disgusting shit ON TOP of the health risks? 

 

 

 

I can SORT OF wrap my mind around the women who were already married when the men were charged - maybe even the ones that were in a relationship and eventually got married in jail (or right before the guy went in) - but the ones that met WHILE he was in?  'ol cameltoe is particularly pathetic with her tales of romance and shit to a man who married her ugly ass for commissary money. 

 

I wonder what will happen once he gets out - because right now he's blinded by circumstance - once he is out and his options open up ...

 

 

[MrsSmartyPants]

 

I assumed her family pays for her lifestyle and she was worried they would cut her off for being married to a prison.

 

 

It would be such a pity if somehow her family were to find out that he is not a guard but an actual prisoner.  It's a good thing, for her, that she's such a private person. Not, like say, the type to go on a REALITY FUCKING TELEVISION SHOW. 

 

 

[Persnickety1]

Well, episode #2 didn't disappoint in the ample snark.

 

I'm trying to put these women into some type of order based on their degree of delusion and/or fundamental dysfunctionality but damn it's a close call.  

 

Jhemini:  Totally head over heels in love with her "man"....And yet there she is, blatantly flirting with the photographer and blowing off a call from her beloved.  She wanted to just be normal for a day and not a prison wife?  Hun, nothing personal, but I have supreme doubt you've known what "normal" is for a very long time now.  As for looking like a prison wife?  What the actual fuck does that even mean?  Is there a "look" to this marital status?   Should I be able to look into a crowd and say, "Yup, there it is, a PRISON WIFE!!!"  Sounds to me more like you're embarrassed by your choice to marry someone pokey-bound.  And in light of the open flirtation with the photographer,  I find myself wondering how many times that ring has been removed from her finger and surreptitiously stashed so you can play Sex and the City.  And for god's sake, maybe it was the editing but, if not, please refrain from driving a vehicle.  Not sure if you're really so goddamned dumb that you really couldn't figure out how to enter a driveway 5 times or if it was some passive-aggressive bullshit because you didn't want to have a cup of coffee before the party.  I think your skull is thicker than concrete and filled with air, yet I'm leaning towards passive-aggressive shit in this case.  

 

LaQuisha:  Seriously, what the fuck, woman?  I get you're having a walk down memory lane with your high school fuck buddy, but why the fresh hell are you allowing him to have input into situations involving your ex-husband and your child?  And to let him sit there, behind bars for his extremely lengthy sentence, and refer to your ex-husband as a "bitch?"  Buddy, shut the fuck up and have a couple of seats...Or cots, as the case may be.  None of your business, even if you were knockin' boots with LaQuisha way back in your glory days of high school.  I find you the most confusing.  Nice looking, seemingly normal ex, lovely child, lovely home, articulate...I get wanting to play Cher and turn back time, but I don't get having to marry the pig to get a piece of sausage.  Well, taking that one step further, you aren't even able to get the sausage because no EFV's for you.  Absolutely perplexing, this situation.  

 

Ana:  You imbecilic twat.  "My husband" this, "my husband" that, "my husband" ad nauseum.  Bitch, please.  You can't even hold your "husband's" hand at this point so take a fucking seat with your "I love it when he's controlling"/"no one can control me" fuck-and-awe show.  I can smell your desperation through the TV and it seriously makes me gag.  I'm seriously doubting you had any real dating life before you stumbled upon the "write a prisoner" site.  In fact, if you were just looking for someone who needed friendship (snort), why did this asshat's looks even play a part in your decision to write to him?  There are lots of lonely people in prison, inmates who haven't had a visitor or letter in years.  Maybe even decades.  Hell, there are even women in that same set of incarceration circumstances.  Looking for a friend my ass.  Looking for someone to boost your self-esteem so you could say you were married and then lie about your husband's situation and claim he was a prison guard.  I find you, Ana, the most disgusting of the lot here.  And that's saying something.  And that party?  Grown-assed adults doing keg stands and everyone getting blasted on mini bottles of shots?  Yeah, pretty much the everyday housewarming party.  

 

Kate:  Okay, for some reason every time I see you on the screen, I juxtapose you with Sammi from Jersey Shore.  Might be the hair but I keep waiting for you to say "Rahnnnnnn" in that special way you have (gag).  I can at least comprehend your situation.  You were married to Carlo when this shit went down and you're standing by your man.  More or less.  At least you have some street smarts and seem to be living in the real world.  And kudos for not going postal on Jhemini when she missed that driveway the 3rd time.  I'd have probably hurled myself from the car, especially if I needed coffee.  And especially if my destination was Ana's craptastic party.  

 

That being said, it looks like from the previews the doe-eyed Jhemini is on a cozy-looking little date with the photographer.  Who she thinks might just be the sexiest thing EVER.  Who also is probably ruing the day she thought marrying her prison-bound husband was a splendid idea.

 

"Dysfunctional" doesn't even begin to cover these women.  

Edited November 6, 2014 by Persnickety1

[nkotb]

I'm so glad that I stumbled on this show (& that there is a forum!). I liked Kate from the first episode, primarily for her snark about Jhemini "if our husband's had better aim, they'd be in for murder, too." She's cute and real.

 

Now, Jhemini...my husband (who's not in prison) and I refer to her as a Kardashian-lite, because she has that affected way of speaking like them. She's super-cute, albeit really dumb, but there is no way she will stay faithful to her husband throughout this season, let alone for years to come.

 

Saddest of all is Ana. I'm going to be the mean one and say it, her husband is conventionally-good-looking, and probably out-of-her-league in the real world. The nano-second he gets out of prison, he will forget she ever existed (unless he needs to use her for a while so he can get back on his feet). She's not ugly at all, but he's just more conventionally-attractive than her, prison-record aside. Their situation reminds me of Annika on the Prison Wives show, where he was fairly physically-attractive, and you just know that if they had met at a party or something, rather than him being behind bars, he would've never, ever given her a second look.

[candall]

Hi, prison gang (heh).   I don't think this show is moderated, but I put up some Episode titles and descriptions, copied directly from the Directv Guide. (Typing "LaQuisha gets tired of waiting for a man's touch" made me laugh.) 

 

Do you want to copy & paste the posts already made here about Episode 02 and move them?  Or I can get somebody from admin to come and remove the individual episode titles and we can just keep going with one really long thread.

[Satchels of gold]

Ok I'm in. I stumbled on this show today and it is craptastic! Thank you baby Jesus. I will snark more later.

[fliptopbox]

I decided to DVR this today and I'm in love. These women are so snarktastic! Jhemini was wayyy too exicted and all about herself to go spend an overnight in a prison. That's not something I'd be bragging about, personally. Her modeling sounds like it's code for stripping, or even porn. She has that creepy Kardashian quality where the lights are on but nobody's home. Just a vacant smile. Ana seems sad, lonely, and totally desperate. She wrote to her man cos she thought he was hot and that was it. I think if her husband is released early he's going to file for divorce, or an anulment, as soon as he's siphoned every drop of cash he can from her. That's probably all she is to him, a willing person to give him commissary money. If he were on the outside (like at a party or whatever) he'd never give her a second look. Also, he seems super controlling and with a temper, which doesn't bode well if he's scheduled for early release. She may claim she likes it now while he's locked up but I guarantee if they're home together and he micromanages everything she does she'd have a fit. LaQuisha is just strange. She has a normal ex husband, a kid, seems like a reasonable and rational person....so why marry your high school FWB while he's in the pen? You can be friends and not get married. Totally happens, LaQuita. Go back to your ex husband. He seems nice and that he cares about you....or at least find a dude on the outside. Kate is the only one who seems to be normal and realistic about it. I want to hear more about why her husband is in jail. The episode's not over though and I still have the second one so maybe she'll go into more details. I also looooved Kate's snarking on Jhemini.

 

I think I am in for the rest of the season! Most definitely.

[MrsSmartyPants]

I love Kate ... as much as you can love someone in her situation lol.

and ABHORE LaQuinta Inn.

 

I'm a firm believer of letting other people do what they want with their lives - but she has a CHILD.  A CHILD that she's bringing into this bullshit.  Her ex seems like a stand up guy and will hopefully be a bit of stability for that little girl.

 

HOW is some fuckwit that you can't even HUG going to try and run shit in YOUR house that your ex probably pays for!??  "why is he calling?" "what do you mean he's going to lower OUR child support !?"  blah blah blah ..  boy! go back to your cell and do some push ups.

[Neurochick]

And that's what bothered me the most about LaQueshia, she has a child. My feeling about her is this:  Basically in high school, she was nothing more than a booty call.  He was light skinned and probably had his pick of girls.  Now that he's in jail, he gives LaQueshia a call, and she's all moist for him; to her, he's still FINE and she liked the idea of having a fine husband, so what if he's in jail.

 

Jhemini is just "middle class girl falls for bad boy" and now reality is hitting her.

 

Kate seems pretty realistic, she was with Carlo before he was arrested.

 

Ana seems desperate for attention and loves the idea of a man who's obsessed with her, but I don't think he'd give two shits about her if he got out; he'd take her money and be gone.

[CousinOliver]

Oh sweet mother of snark, why aren't more people talking about this? 

 

I don't like Kate.  I think that she's got a superiority complex that she can't even recognize, judgmental in her own way ("her way to Prison Wife is the right way to Prison Wife" kind of way.) But I loooove her for the snark and calling out Jhemini.  Someone needs to do that, just in case people out there in audience land were thinking that Jhemini's got it together. 

 

Jhemini is playing out some fantasy that isn't going to sustain her through 10 years.  She's a wreck.  A sweet, sweet, made for TV wreck.

 

LaQueshia and Ana are probably more typical of Prison Wives.  Lonely, fulfilling a need, have a man with no danger of being hurt (physically or emotionally), that kind of thing.  Interesting, infuriating, but more expected.    

[SnarkKitty]

What I don't understand is how LaQuisha's ex FWB hit her up on FACEBOOK while he was in?? What the hell? 

 

Also flabbergasted to see Skype (via JPay) and hear them talk about emailing their men. I guess, technology, okay, nobody writes letters anymore but for they have @jailmail.com, for real?

 

I like how both Kate and Jhemini (I can't with the spelling) are all full of piss and vinegar about what they NOT fittin' to do ... and then in the real scenes they're all smiles and doing exactly that.

 

The website for the original group idea (it seems): http://www.prisonwivesclub.com/ .  LaQuisha is seriously cray describing their "family" life.

 

Just stumbled across this and became ill - Phillip is in jail for murdering a pregnant woman! If this article is true, I have just gone from thinking LaQuisha is sane and rational to that bitch is crazy and I don't even want to know she exists on TV.  She has the nerve to be pissed at her mother for talking shit about her? Knowing this, it's no wonder!

Edited November 16, 2014 by SnarkKitty