S11 E11: May the Best Woman Win

[Jaundiced Eye]

Ariana finally breaks down over the end of her relationship with Tom; Katie and Schwartz vie for the affection of the same woman.

First aired 4/9/24

Katie claims to "love people." Okay.

She can't stop laughing while trying to kiss Tori.  She's so full of shit.
 

[Gharlane]

Quote

"May the Best Woman Win". Ariana finally breaks down over the end of her relationship with Tom; Katie and Schwartz vie for the affection of the same woman.

It's about freaking time, Arianna! I don't remember much else, but the three-some with Katie, Schwartz, and Cori(?) seems a bit contrived. I don't know, Jo and Schwartz seem like a cute couple.

[politichick]

Jo seriously does not need to be on this show. She's too weird and emotionally unequipped to deal with these people. Schwartz is not a good match for her, either. When they were at the singles thing and she kept running her hands through that hideous hair cut and color, I was, like, girl, slow your roll! Dip out. He's not the one for you.

As for Scheana and Lala, they need to shut the fuck up with this Ariana moving shit. Her lawyers may have advised her to stay in the home until an agreement has been reached. Her finances were precarious because all of the deal money had not yet started rolling in, and most important, why don't they suggest that Tom move since he's the one who blew up the situation? They get on my nerves. And Scheana implying that Ariana feels like she's too good to live in an apartment? Girl, shut up! 

[bosawks]

If I was debating whether Jo loved Schwartz that dye job answered it.

She hates him.

[Jaundiced Eye]

10 minutes ago, bosawks said:

If I was debating whether Jo loved Schwartz that dye job answered it.

She hates him.

Maybe it's me, but I thought Schwartz was being unnecessarily cold and cruel to Jo when he was basically telling her to GTFO. I don't think I ever really saw that side of him before. I'm shocked.
 

[snarts]

Schwartz has always been a dick, he just pretends to be a good guy & it fools a lot of people.

This was the point in the season where they realized it was hella boring & tried throwing a bunch of different storylines in: Katie & Tom's "interest" in Tori, Lala buying sperm/hanging out with Jo, the singles event, paintball, etc. 

They own the house together, why should Ariana be the one to move out? Any attorney worth their salt will advise against it. Scheana & Lala are just jealous assholes. 

[Katesus7]

51 minutes ago, bosawks said:

If I was debating whether Jo loved Schwartz that dye job answered it.

She hates him.

I took it as her being “oh, you went on a date?? Cool. Cool. That’s really cool that you dig her. Cool. OK, here’s your fucked up hair that I’m going to be playing with all night! Good luck with that other chick!”

[choclatechip45]

Schwartz was a dick to Jo. She should not be on a reality show.

Lala can stop with the house. I doubt she paid any of the mortgage when she lived in Randall's house. 

[Marley]

Boring. I don’t care about any of these storylines. This show needs to maybe end now.

Schwartz hair looks horrible. Is this an example of Jo’s work?

Lala continues to suck. Apparently she’s the only one allowed to feel anything about her ex.

Schwartz and Sandoval continue to gaslight and be narcs. Sandoval especially.

The singles event was so lame no thanks to that boring shit.

James is the only funny and entertaining one.

A paintball game? Really. What is this stupid shit.

The Tori stuff to me is so damn fake.

Edited April 10 by Marley

[BluishGreen]

1 hour ago, Gharlane said:

It's about freaking time, Arianna! I don't remember much else, but the three-some with Katie, Schwartz, and Cori(?) seems a bit contrived. I don't know,

1 hour ago, bosawks said:

If I was debating whether Jo loved Schwartz that dye job answered it.

She hates him.

Nah, she wants to make him look so ridiculous that she can keep him out of the dating pool.  They have been together (and, according to Jo, "together-together" with hook ups and I love yous thrown around) since at least 1 1/2 years, if not soon after he and Katie separated, and she moved in with him. 

 

[princelina]

2 hours ago, Gharlane said:

It's about freaking time, Arianna! I don't remember much else, but the three-some with Katie, Schwartz, and Cori(?) seems a bit contrived. I don't know, Jo and Schwartz seem like a cute couple.

Hahaha that "threesome" crap - you can almost hear the producers saying, "Can we get this done in a weekend?" 😂

2 hours ago, bosawks said:

If I was debating whether Jo loved Schwartz that dye job answered it.

She hates him.

I'm with those who have said that she was trying to make him undateable!

50 minutes ago, Marley said:

Lala continues to suck. Apparently she’s the only one allowed to feel anything about her ex.

Rules for being friends with "Lala":  

1.  She can do or say whatever she pleases - you are to recognize that that's how she is and get over it

2.  You must be very delicate in how you treat her or you will hurt her feelings irreparably and she will come after you like a tiger . . . then see Rule #1.

 

[hottesthw]

55 minutes ago, princelina said:

Rules for being friends with "Lala":  

1.  She can do or say whatever she pleases - you are to recognize that that's how she is and get over it

2.  You must be very delicate in how you treat her or you will hurt her feelings irreparably and she will come after you like a tiger . . . then see Rule #1

Replace Lala with Katie and the same rules apply. Except she’s a drunk tiger. 

This show sucks. You can tell they were all riding high from the attention the scandal was getting at the time. Watching it now, it’s embarrassing for them. They’re grown adults acting like high schoolers. Stick a fork in this show, it’s done. 

[hoodooznoodooz]

Charmin and Brawny are trying to contact Ariana’s agent now.

[hoodooznoodooz]

When did Katie have sex with a girl? Before Schwartz?

[dancingdreamer]

I quite liked Jo this episode. It's obvious  she cares for Schwartz. She irritated  me at the start, until she mentioned she had add, but tonight  she seemed  softer. Schwartz's hair looked awful, he's  using Jo.jmho.

How old is Tori, she looked too young for Katie or Tom. Katie  was her bitchy self  Lala can meet with Jo if she wants. Good lord, I'd hate for anyone  to tell me who I could meet. Definitely  on Lala's  side in this. Katie was banging Max, did she ask anyone? Ariana I understand,  Katie  needs to back off.

Ariana and Tom, same thing, different  day. She needs her own place.

[hoodooznoodooz]

I don’t know why, but it has always bugged me when someone says, “my kid” (singular). It sounds less loving than “my child” or “my daughter.” But if Lala were to say, “I have to pick up my kids from school,” it doesn’t bother me at all.

I have no rational explanation for this.

[hoodooznoodooz]

Ariana needs to go have lunch with Rand. Katie should have lunch with the two women whom they photographed with Rand.

[Marigold66]

Just a random thought but Tom mentioned that Scheana has been friends with Tori for 10 years and Tori is 24?  Why would she be friends with a 14 year old?  That strikes me as odd.  Anyone know the back story on this?

And I agree I am so sick of Lala telling Ariana that she just needs to get over it and move out of the house.  On the after show, Ariana mentioned she and Tom had $100,000 worth of furniture together.   There's no way in hell I would want to rush moving out until all those items were accounted for.  Lala is really pissing me off with this attitude.  

 

 

[hoodooznoodooz]

I’m actually one of the few individuals who likes Lala. But she really ticked me off, the way she was talking to Katie. Katie argued that Lala shouldn’t be supporting Schwartz and Schwartz’s friend Jo, because Schwartz never had Lala’s back; he played pickle ball with Rand, against Lala’s direct orders. But she should’ve said, “You eviscerated Schwartz for playing pickle ball with Rand. But somehow you can’t understand that it hurts my feelings that you met Jo for lunch?”

[Kiki777]

3 hours ago, Marigold66 said:

Just a random thought but Tom mentioned that Scheana has been friends with Tori for 10 years and Tori is 24?  Why would she be friends with a 14 year old?  That strikes me as odd.  Anyone know the back story on this?

And I agree I am so sick of Lala telling Ariana that she just needs to get over it and move out of the house.  On the after show, Ariana mentioned she and Tom had $100,000 worth of furniture together.   There's no way in hell I would want to rush moving out until all those items were accounted for.  Lala is really pissing me off with this attitude.  

 

 

Didn’t they mention a couple seasons back that Sandoval took a loan out of the house to invest in Schwartz & Sandy’s?  Knowing how he is, the so-called offer to buy Ariana’s share of the house probably didn’t factor in that loan and that’s why her lawyer had to go over it.

Watching this episode, an old expression popped into my head: “the opposite of love is not hate - it’s indifference”.   Gross as it seems, maybe a part of Ariana cannot let go of the love she had for him.  Or she needs more time before she can be in the same room as him without being triggered by him.

[Gharlane]

23 minutes ago, Kiki777 said:

Watching this episode, an old expression popped into my head: “the opposite of love is not hate - it’s indifference”.   Gross as it seems, maybe a part of Ariana cannot let go of the love she had for him.  Or she needs more time before she can be in the same room as him without being triggered by him.

Yes! Thank you for articulating what I've been unable to say this season about Arianna!

[Chatty Cake]

The Tori stuff seems as scripted as Schwartz kissing Raquel last year. 
How does Lala care for her daughter with those nails? 
I did feel more compassion for Ariana last night. She is in a tough spot. Filming this show with her ex had to suck but quitting would have been a financial loss. 
Toms hair looked awful and didn’t make Jo look very talented. I did laugh at James mentioning the wrong shade of brown. That guy is making the show this season with his commentary. 
The Jo part didn’t seem as fake to me. I got the feeling she really is into him.

[JenE4]

Re Schwartz being too harsh to Jo: I think he had to be blunt. We’ve seen him say before that he doesn’t want a relationship despite also saying how much he cares about Jo and how great they are together as friends (with benefits). But Jo seriously does think they are in a “secret relationship.” She even said that I have to get along with these girls if “I’m going to be in Tom’s life forever.” She truly believes that he’s just taking it slow because of Katie and ultimately they’re going to get married. I feel for her because she obviously believes they are soulmates. I think Tom has fun with her and likes that they are goofy together, but I tend to think she’s too goofy and awkward even for Tom to ultimately settle down with. She’s trying too hard to be all Three Stooges, Abbott and Costello, and at least 2 or 3 of the Marx Brothers all at the same time. Trying to have a “normal” conversation with her is like being in the front row of a Carrot Top or Gallagher show. I hate to say it, but I can kind of see why she feels that Tom keeps her hidden away. I don’t think it’s to spare Katie’s feelings. I think he likes laughing with her in private but knows “group dynamics” isn’t her strong suit—as evidenced by every group event she’s attended this season. Also if she’s possibly on the autism spectrum or some neuro atypical or behavioral health issues, she may already be having a difficult time reading social cues, and it’s even worse for her that Tom’s words and actions aren’t aligned. Hell, most people in love are going to just see what they want to see and ignore the red flags. Tom has apparently been leading her on for a year and a half with these “mixed signals” of fucking her, saying how great they are together—but also saying he doesn’t want a relationship. It’s understandable that in her mind this “situationship” means more to her than it does to him. It was apparently long overdue that Tom very clearly lay out his intentions—or lack thereof.

[Lassus]

11 hours ago, politichick said:

She's too weird and emotionally unequipped to deal with these people.

While "weird" seems to be a sad reason for her not to be on the show, the court must object to the implication that these people are somehow over a line of emotional stability that she is not.

10 hours ago, Jaundiced Eye said:

I don't think I ever really saw that side of him before. I'm shocked.

There have been a few episodes over the years where a surprising level of douchy anger and weirdness have shown through.  He plays the game very well for the camera but is a complete worthless shit of a human.

Edited April 10 by Lassus

[Lassus]

34 minutes ago, Chatty Cake said:

How does Lala care for her daughter with those nails? 

I can't stand Lala, but in fairness, her nails are not particularly unusual.  

[Gharlane]

7 minutes ago, Lassus said:

11 hours ago, politichick said:

She's too weird and emotionally unequipped to deal with these people.

While "weird" seems to be a sad reason for that, the court must object to the implication that these people are somehow over a line of emotional maturity that she is not.

By "deal with these people", I think politichick meant "deal with these immature people and their bullshit". 

 

37 minutes ago, Chatty Cake said:

How does Lala care for her daughter with those nails? 

How does LaLa slather on that makeup with those nails?

 

7 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

When did Katie have sex with a girl? Before Schwartz?

Didn't she and  LaLa fool around in the backseat of someone's car, or was that Arianna?

[Jaundiced Eye]

8 hours ago, hottesthw said:

Replace Lala with Katie and the same rules apply. Except she’s a drunk tiger. 

This show sucks. You can tell they were all riding high from the attention the scandal was getting at the time. Watching it now, it’s embarrassing for them. They’re grown adults acting like high schoolers. Stick a fork in this show, it’s done. 

I've never understood why people tolerate Katie. If she has anything to offer, I don't see it.

[bosawks]

LaLa has one of my least favorite personalities in that she demands grace from everyone else for the littlest things and gives no grace to others for even the largest things.

And she's a yutz.

[laurakaye]

Schwartz's hair might not look so stupid if he didn't seem to be styling it with melted butter and axel grease.  In the dark.

I kind of dig Jo showing up for her confessionals in leggings and a t-shirt with minimal makeup and regular hair, as opposed to some of the questionable fashion statements from Katie, Sandoval, etc.  And when Jo asked Schwartz if he was embarrassed by her, his "NO!" didn't seem at all convincing to me.  She deserves way better.

[JenE4]

1 hour ago, Gharlane said:

 

Didn't she and  LaLa fool around in the backseat of someone's car, or was that Arianna?

That was Ariana. It was even one of Sandoval’s “justifications” for secretly fucking Raquel for 8 months—because you, Ariana, fucked LaLa right in front of me (or technically behind him since he was driving) in the car.

[bosawks]

54 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

And when Jo asked Schwartz if he was embarrassed by her, his "NO!" didn't seem at all convincing to me.  She deserves way better.

The fact that Schwartz would be embarrassed to be seen with anyone is a sign of how truly deluded he is.

[Jaundiced Eye]

1 minute ago, bosawks said:

The fact that Schwartz would be embarrassed to be seen with anyone is a sign of how truly deluded he is.

I was struck by Schwartz's open hostility toward Jo when he told her he didn't want a relationship with her. Yet, when the cameras were rolling in the confessional, he was all "I care so much about Jo" simper, simper, aren't I sweet? The scales finally fell from my eyes. I always thought Schwartz was the nicest guy on the show. I used to wonder why he put up with the horrible Tequila Katie all these years, but it now seems to me that they deserved each other.

[Carolina Girl]

12 hours ago, snarts said:

Schwartz has always been a dick, he just pretends to be a good guy & it fools a lot of people.

Yeah, that "aw shucks" personna he tries to promote gets on my fucking nerves.

[Carolina Girl]

9 hours ago, hottesthw said:

Stick a fork in this show, it’s done. 

I've been trying to find the viewership numbers for this and for the Valley, which i notice they are STILL tying to the DVR tapings.  Which is completely dishonest since viewers determine ad pricing and my guess is the Valley is not pulling the viewers once VPR is over but the DVR keeps recording.  

I do know that they lost over 1/3 of their audience from episode 1 to episode 2 - I can't imagine they've gained any since then.  

Time for the chucklefucks to ride off into the sunset and find a way to make a living like the rest of us.  Predicting that once this show is over Brock is shown the door.  

29 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

because you, Ariana, fucked LaLa right in front of me (or technically behind him since he was driving) in the car.

Which of course he acted all sexually excited about five years ago when he was first telling the story.  Fucking fake.  

[Gharlane]

49 minutes ago, Carolina Girl said:

I've been trying to find the viewership numbers for this and for the Valley, which i notice they are STILL tying to the DVR tapings.  Which is completely dishonest since viewers determine ad pricing and my guess is the Valley is not pulling the viewers once VPR is over but the DVR keeps recording.  

Are they still inclusing The Valley as part of Vanderpump Rules? I noticed when it premiered and Jax literally walked into the new show, it was listed as a two-hour showing of ther first show.🤔

[TattleTeeny]

1 hour ago, Jaundiced Eye said:

I was struck by Schwartz's open hostility toward Jo when he told her he didn't want a relationship with her. Yet, when the cameras were rolling in the confessional, he was all "I care so much about Jo" simper, simper, aren't I sweet? The scales finally fell from my eyes. I always thought Schwartz was the nicest guy on the show. I used to wonder why he put up with the horrible Tequila Katie all these years, but it now seems to me that they deserved each other.

He's probably doing that "get her to dump me" routine because he's a tool and so later he can say, "but you cut off contact with me."

Edited April 10 by TattleTeeny

[princelina]

11 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

When did Katie have sex with a girl? Before Schwartz?

Yes - I remember him saying back in the day that Katie had "dipped her toe in the lady pond before" - or something like that.  Possibly when Sandy was telling them about Ariana and "Lala"'s little adventure.

2 hours ago, Carolina Girl said:

Which of course he acted all sexually excited about five years ago when he was first telling the story.  Fucking fake.  

He kind of did - but I always felt that telling Schwartz, Jax and James about it on camera was an act of hostility because he was not happy about it.

[ZettaK]

14 hours ago, choclatechip45 said:

Schwartz was a dick to Jo. She should not be on a reality show.

Lala can stop with the house. I doubt she paid any of the mortgage when she lived in Randall's house. 

Lala had no involvement in Rand's house (he owned it, not her), so she could leave (or rather be kicked out, because that's what Rand did- he called the police to force her out). Scheana owns her Palm Springs house herself (not with Brock), and rents the Marina Del Rey apartment. So, neither is in Ariana’s situation who co-owns the house, and she was advised to continue living there until the matter was settled legally.

Edited April 10 by ZettaK

[Carolina Girl]

10 minutes ago, princelina said:

He kind of did - but I always felt that telling Schwartz, Jax and James about it on camera was an act of hostility because he was not happy about it.

Not unlike Jax talking about Kristin and Brittany.  It's as if they feel a need to degrade their girlfriends.  

 

[JenE4]

8 minutes ago, princelina said:

Yes - I remember him saying back in the day that Katie had "dipped her toe in the lady pond before" - or something like that.  Possibly when Sandy was telling them about Ariana and "Lala"'s little adventure.

He kind of did - but I always felt that telling Schwartz, Jax and James about it on camera was an act of hostility because he was not happy about it.

 

2 hours ago, Carolina Girl said:

Which of course he acted all sexually excited about five years ago when he was first telling the story.  Fucking fake.  

Yeah, I recall Sandoval being really upset about Ariana and Lala hooking up when he told Jax, Schwartz, and James. James specifically was all hyped up about it and Jax was all it’s no big deal, but Sandoval was upset that Ariana just jumped right into the backseat and let Lala go down on her with him right there. He felt like he couldn’t even say anything in the moment. I saw this scene last season when they were replaying all of the episodes for the Scandoval Extravaganza. 

[ZettaK]

As for Lala and her long nails, she has a nanny (or two), and made her mother move from Utah to help with her daughter. 

[Carolina Girl]

13 minutes ago, ZettaK said:

Lala had no involvement in Rand's house (he owned it, not her), so she could leave (or rather be kicked out, because that's what Rand did- he called the police to force her out). Scheana owns her Palm Springs house herself (not with Brock), and rents the Marina Del Rey apartment. So, neither is in Ariana’s situation who co-owns the house, and she was advised to continue living there until the matter is settled legally.

I didn't realize Rand kicked her out - the story Lala tells is that she waited for him to leave and when he finally did, she packed up her belongings, took the baby and fled.  The way she told the story you would think that Rand would have held her captive if she hadn't left.

And I absolutely believe that Ariana's attorneys have instructed her not to leave until a settlement of sorts is worked out.  Sandoval is perfectly capable of trying to claim "abandonment" to complicate matters.

4 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

I saw this scene last season when they were replaying all of the episodes for the Scandoval Extravaganza. 

I'll have to go look again.  I may be having "senior" recollection about Tom's reaction - don't seem to recall anger.  But let's face it - he'll grasp at straws to justify his crappy behavior.

[JenE4]

7 minutes ago, Carolina Girl said:

I didn't realize Rand kicked her out - the story Lala tells is that she waited for him to leave and when he finally did, she packed up her belongings, took the baby and fled.  The way she told the story you would think that Rand would have held her captive if she hadn't left.

And I absolutely believe that Ariana's attorneys have instructed her not to leave until a settlement of sorts is worked out.  Sandoval is perfectly capable of trying to claim "abandonment" to complicate matters.

I'll have to go look again.  I may be having "senior" recollection about Tom's reaction - don't seem to recall anger.  But let's face it - he'll grasp at straws to justify his crappy behavior.

Not angry, but upset as in sad and hurt.

Edited April 10 by JenE4

[Lassus]

37 minutes ago, princelina said:

but I always felt that telling Schwartz, Jax and James about it on camera was an act of hostility because he was not happy about it.

Agree, which I admit I found actually slightly odd.  Worried?  Or, something?  First of all, I think I was never clear what actually occurred there.  Did it ever come up what happened?  I always had the impression it was a makeout session - a short one at that - and that was it.

12 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Not angry, but upset as in sad and hurt.

I dunno.  I recall anger.  But maybe.

19 minutes ago, ZettaK said:

As for Lala and her long nails, she has a nanny (or two), and made her mother move from Utah to help with her daughter.

I was going to say this earlier as well, but didn't want to be too mean.

[ZettaK]

I mentioned when I first saw the season trailer months ago that Schwartz was playing games with Jo (we already knew they were living together), and he seemed to be embarrassed by her (she specifically asked if he was) because I guess she is more awkward than he is, and he thinks he can do better. And if even Sandoval said that Schwartz gives mixed signals....Jo expected a lot more. 

The Tori storyline is so fake. But Katie seems to be antagonizing Schwartz with Max, and now Tori. 

Ariana has an emotional attachment to the house (she and Sandoval put so much effort into decorating, etc. as a COUPLE) on top of the legal issues. 

So, Tom Sandoval has another assistant.

[hoodooznoodooz]

14 hours ago, Kiki777 said:

Watching this episode, an old expression popped into my head: “the opposite of love is not hate - it’s indifference”.   Gross as it seems, maybe a part of Ariana cannot let go of the love she had for him.  Or she needs more time before she can be in the same room as him without being triggered by him.

Yes. They showed footage of that very night. Ariana was at Sandoval’s “concert” cheering him on enthusiastically. Then to abruptly learn that he was being intimate with Rachquel. 
 

Then to learn that he was delighting in betraying Ariana on camera. 
 

She was still raw when they filmed this season. 
 

ETA: Also, there’s a good chance that she hasn’t given herself a chance to truly process everything. She was very busy, which kept her distracted, which was probably good for her. But I don’t know if she has allowed herself to just sob for hours. 

Edited April 11 by hoodooznoodooz

[Gharlane]

3 hours ago, Carolina Girl said:

Which of course he acted all sexually excited about five years ago when he was first telling the story.  Fucking fake.  

I thought he was as excited as many straight men are by women making out (or so I am told), but I also thought if he weren't driving, he would have joined them in the back seat.

 

9 minutes ago, ZettaK said:

The Tori storyline is so fake. But Katie seems to be antagonizing Schwartz with Max, and now Tori. 

Schwartz seemed more "worked up" than "antagonized" to me. 

[Gharlane]

6 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

The Tori stuff seems as scripted as Schwartz kissing Raquel last year. 

Didn't Tori used to be Schemer's nanny? 

[ZettaK]

Ann (Maddox), Tom's former assistant started working for Ariana and Katie's sandwich shop business a few days ago (I have no idea if anybody else posted about it already). She is an actress, and she has a brand new podcast where she discussed Sandoval who said she made things up, and betrayed him. 

https://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/tom-sandoval-assistant-ann-maddox-starred-in-the-office

https://realityblurb.com/2024/04/05/tom-sandoval-threatens-ex-assistant-ann-maddox-with-legal-action-over-podcast-accuses-her-of-betrayal-lying-and-claims-ariana-never-wanted-her-around-plus-ariana-suggests-ann-was-fired-as/

23 minutes ago, Gharlane said:

Didn't Tori used to be Schemer's nanny? 

Yes, or babysitter. 

[LovesLinus89]

Tori kinda looks like a sleazier version of Rachel/Raquel