S17.E16: Rocky Retreat

[Retired at last]

12 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Your complexion detracts from your overall appearance.

And THAT'S saying something!!!

[Elizzikra]

Quote

Enough! And Michael, instead of spending money on ridiculous wardrobe items, go to a good dermatologist and get some advice regarding your facial acne scars. Not trying to be mean, just stating the obvious

I don't think there is much that can be done about them. No one would tell him to see a dermatologist if his scars were from burns or injuries.

I say if he can afford his wardrobe, have at it. I love certain brands too and I saw several pieces in his closet that I would love to have. To each his own...

[Yeah No]

On 2/9/2024 at 5:15 PM, princelina said:

After last night I think he's being kind of a jerk about it because he keeps acting like it could happen - he made her think that about the couples retreat when they were talking beforehand!  And he made it seem like his desire to sleep in the other room was something they had discussed beforehand, rather than a made up excuse the next day.  I think she tried to grab his dick and he bolted 😄

Not to defend him, because I would really rather not, but on my second viewing of this episode (while my husband watched it for the first time and I was multitasking) I caught a conversation at the couples retreat where they're all sitting around drinking that evening and Austin did mention how he really wanting to sleep in that bedroom.  I don't know if I'm ready to believe that he had already made that up in advance as an excuse to use for not sleeping with her.  He's a jerk but is he that much of a jerk?  I don't know.  It was weird how he bolted out of nowhere, though.  You're probably right that it was after she was once again attempting to move things forward sexually with him.  She said the way he told her she could come with him didn't sound too inviting and that's why she didn't follow him, but who knows?

[SummerDreams]

Michael is not obligated to fix the scars on his face, like Becca is not obligated to wear a bikini that will cover her breasts entirelly for us to be happy. They are there to find a love partner, not to become America's next top model ☺️

[Yeah No]

When I give an opinion on how someone dresses I'm always coming from the point of view of wanting them to be happy.  I'm not here primarily for these people to please me.  What would please me is seeing them find love and if I think they're defeating themselves toward that end I will say something about it in the spirit of wanting better for them.  Sometimes finding a love partner involves engaging in a little self care, and in my opinion that extends to the whole person, body, soul and mind.  We are still physical beings with physical desires that can be put off by things like a person's clothing choices and when trying to attract a mate those things still make a difference. 

I don't think any of us would accept just any kind of appearance from a potential partner.  We all have our preferences and limits in that regard.  Not to factor that in when making choices about one's appearance is in my opinion unrealistic and defeatist, which may be a clue as to why some of these people are not already with someone (especially Michael).  The way Michael dresses he might be attracting the wrong kind of women for him or very few women in general.  His personality doesn't seem to match with his wardrobe choices.  He seems more level headed and not as out-there as his wardrobe implies.  So that may be one reason he's having trouble finding a partner.

That said, facial scars are something that can't be helped and can only be changed with a lot of money and effort and I wouldn't ask someone to go through all that unless they were really that bad (which in this case I don't think it is).  However, wardrobe choices are usually a cheap and relatively easy thing to change.

[SummerDreams]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

When I give an opinion on how someone dresses I'm always coming from the point of view of wanting them to be happy.

Sorry but both Becca and Michael seem very happy with their wardrobe choices and their bodies, I think.

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

Sometimes finding a love partner involves engaging in a little self care, and in my opinion that extends to the whole person, body, soul and mind. 

That is, if they WANT to make a change. People assuming that Michael doesn't have a partner yet because of his scars or Becca because of her not skinny body, is the way most people think, but I consider it wrong, and the reason for that is that I see people who are not good looking and/or have weird types and/or don't dress good and/or don't have attractive bodies etc who are in a relationship and they are very happy.

This shows me time and time again that there is someone out there for everyone. If someone doesn't want to change their appearance, they have every right to not be pressured to do so. :)

[Yeah No]

32 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

Sorry but both Becca and Michael seem very happy with their wardrobe choices and their bodies, I think.

I don't know them so I don't know how they feel about themselves, but on the Afterparty Michael made some changes to his look that I think will help him succeed in finding (or keeping) love, so he must have decided it was better for him to make those changes. 

But to be honest I would think that anyone that happy with themselves wouldn't go on a reality TV show to be matched with a stranger at the altar.  And sometimes people don't know what they're doing that's defeating them finding a relationship.  Just because they're happy with it themselves doesn't mean the people they hope to attract will love it either.  Just my opinion, which I will stake on a decade of watching one of my favorite shows "What not to Wear" which dealt with this over and over again.

37 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

That is, if they WANT to make a change. People assuming that Michael doesn't have a partner yet because of his scars or Becca because of her not skinny body, is the way most people think, but I consider it wrong, and the reason for that is that I see people who are not good looking and/or have weird types and/or don't dress good and/or don't have attractive bodies etc who are in a relationship and they are very happy.

My personal opinion is not about bodies or facial scars because I agree with you that with perseverance and a little luck we can find someone out there that will find us attractive no matter what God, nature and/or genetics (or whatever you believe in) gave us.  My point is that sometimes people make themselves look worse than what they were given.  Does Becca do justice to her body?  I don't think so and that is what I'm commenting on.  I think her body is fine and she could do so much more justice to it with a little well meaning guidance.  It's not about her unadorned body but what I think she's doing to make it look worse that I think she could benefit from changing if she wants to attract her person.  I think we can unintentionally put people off if we misrepresent ourselves in any way including our appearance.  I don't think she's accurately representing the attractive woman she really is.  Same goes for Michael (although he's  a man).  That is my opinion and my point.  BTW I liked Michael's updated look on the Afterparty.  It was much more understated and his hair was much better in my opinion.  So he himself must have realized he needed to make some changes.

47 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

This shows me time and time again that there is someone out there for everyone. If someone doesn't want to change their appearance, they have every right to not be pressured to do so. :)

By giving my opinion here I am not pressuring anyone to do anything.  And again, obviously Michael saw reason to change his appearance between the time this season was filmed and the Afterparty.

[SummerDreams]

3 hours ago, Yeah No said:

on the Afterparty Michael made some changes to his look that I think will help him succeed in finding (or keeping) love

Lets agree to disagree. In your opinion, a person can find love if they fix their appearance, in my opinion I find that love has nothing to do with how someone looks. :)

[Gator Stud]

On 2/10/2024 at 9:40 PM, Yeah No said:

The thing I can't figure out is how calm and happy go lucky Austin seems to be about it all.  One would think he would be showing signs of taking the enormity of decision day more seriously.  Everyone else's stomach is tied in knots (including Becca's) but he's just breezin' along with his hat on backwards seemingly without a care in the world.  I don't get that, it doesn't add up.

Its called weed.

[Yeah No]

7 minutes ago, Gator Stud said:

Its called weed.

I know, someone else got there first.  I should have spotted the signs, I dated a pot smoker in college.  Not my thing.

[Elizzikra]

46 minutes ago, Gator Stud said:

Its called weed.

Thats my theory and I’m sticking to it.

[Empress1]

On 2/13/2024 at 9:05 AM, SummerDreams said:

Sorry but both Becca and Michael seem very happy with their wardrobe choices and their bodies, I think.

No idea how Becca feels about her body (for what it’s worth, she’s not skinny/toned but many women her size and bigger have found love, and she’s not even that big), but Michael dresses that way on purpose. It’s a very cultivated wardrobe/style. It would be easier to dress the way Austin and Brennan do (very basic, jeans, t-shirts, button- downs) than the way Michael does. If he wanted to dress differently, he would. He clearly doesn’t. Nor should he, in my opinion.

[Hip-to-be-Square]

Becca would look better if she didn't wear such baggy tops and pants and flannel.  She should dress to embrace her body rather than putting on big shapeless men's-style button up shirts and tunic tops all of the time.  

Edited February 14 by Hip-to-be-Square

[SummerDreams]

6 minutes ago, Hip-to-be-Square said:

Becca would look better if she didn't wear such baggy tops and pants and flannel.  She should dress to embrace her curves and rock them rather than putting on a huge shapeless men's-style button up shirts and wide leg pants all of the time.  

She should embrace her curves, but she knows we live in a world where people will just critic and/or mock bigger women, so she plays it safe.

As you see, there is a screenshot with her in her bikini even in this site!

[Hip-to-be-Square]

On 2/14/2024 at 8:00 AM, SummerDreams said:

She should embrace her curves, but she knows we live in a world where people will just critic and/or mock bigger women, so she plays it safe.

As you see, there is a screenshot with her in her bikini even in this site!

I think that Becca could wear a lot of cute outfits and tops if she gets rid of the baggy tops and big pants and finds a new wardrobe to enhance and shape her frame.  I will admit that the bikini was a little snug and an unflattering color on her, but I think it takes time to figure out the right bikini colors and styles for any girl. 

Edited February 16 by Hip-to-be-Square

[princelina]

On 2/13/2024 at 1:04 PM, SummerDreams said:

Lets agree to disagree. In your opinion, a person can find love if they fix their appearance, in my opinion I find that love has nothing to do with how someone looks. :)

I think you're both right - in the real world people find people who find them desirable all the time, even if others can't see it.  When you are going to TV shows to find love, you need to step it up a bit 😄

[qtpye]

On 2/9/2024 at 11:15 AM, Retired at last said:

It seems to me that over the last several seasons, the show has, perhaps, hired/cast/selected these young women with very large breasts. I also think that these women may be living with the thoughts of a younger generation in that "bras are for grandmothers and mothers. Not us! We are young and free and vibrant and we don't need no stinking bras!" OR, maybe these women are so desperate for a husband and nothing has worked so far, so they are leading with their strongest assets to get a guy interested? 

That said, and I have mentioned this before, as large as they are, and spending years without support, is going to take a toll on their backs, much sooner than the mothers and grandmothers who bothered to wear supportive undergarments! 

As a large-breasted petite woman who likes to swim, I say AMEN!!!!

I need a good support garment with my swimsuit.

I'm 39 but this post makes me sound like I am 100.

Maybe I should borrow Chloe's fake vintage trunk...

 

[LuvMyShows]

On 2/13/2024 at 1:04 PM, SummerDreams said:

Lets agree to disagree. In your opinion, a person can find love if they fix their appearance, in my opinion I find that love has nothing to do with how someone looks. :)

I am sincerely curious how SummerDreams, or anyone else who genuinely thinks looks are irrelevant to attraction and love, would feel if someone with long, stringy, dirty, matted hair, lots of missing teeth, wearing stained filthy clothing, with a Manson-like intensity stare, came up to you and started flirting. It's hard for me to believe that appearance would not be relevant, so I would love to hear that thought process.

[LennieBriscoe]

On 2/13/2024 at 6:03 AM, SummerDreams said:

Michael is not obligated to fix the scars on his face, like Becca is not obligated to wear a bikini that will cover her breasts entirelly for us to be happy. They are there to find a love partner, not to become America's next top model ☺️

Well, the show is "Married at First Sight," not "Married at First Personality" or "Married at First Occupation" or "Married at First Personal Code of Ethics."

We are shown pre-wedding scenes of participants buying gowns and tuxes to look their best. Of participants getting hair styled or "Special Day" makeup applied in order to look their best.

Then we see the participants post-ceremony sans makeup, in sweatpants and T-shirts, in unflattering beards or bikinis, and we and they all wonder where the wonder went! 🤪

 

[Elizzikra]

2 hours ago, LuvMyShows said:

I am sincerely curious how SummerDreams, or anyone else who genuinely thinks looks are irrelevant to attraction and love, would feel if someone with long, stringy, dirty, matted hair, lots of missing teeth, wearing stained filthy clothing, with a Manson-like intensity stare, came up to you and started flirting. It's hard for me to believe that appearance would not be relevant, so I would love to hear that thought process.

There is a HUGE difference between appearance and hygiene. Someone who is dirty (and has the means to not be dirty) is not merely unpleasant to look at but also smells bad. I have to wonder if someone who doesn't wash themselves or their clothes (and can) has something else going on like depression or lack of self-esteem. I wouldn't want to be intimate with a dirty person because I don't want to be dirty myself, nor would I be able to tolerate a bad smell for long. Same with dental hygiene, though I will say that my own bottom teeth are crooked (had braces, didn't wear the retainer) and I'm currently missing one top tooth in the back. I hope people don't judge me badly for that, but if perfect teeth are a thing for you then yeah, you probably wouldn't find me attractive. I don't think it really says anything else about who I am as a person except that I fear pain and don't want to spend money on an implant.

I get physical attraction. There are some people I find physically attractive and others I don't. Most people are somewhere in the middle. As I have gotten older though, physical appearance matters much less to me in relationships (no offense to my very handsome husband, who has long shaggy hair, a beard, lots of tattoos and favors old t-shirts and sweatpants). I have learned not to assume anything about a person based on appearances alone, which includes what someone is wearing and how they style their hair. You just can't tell anything reliably about someone's intelligence, kindness, material success, education or anything else truly important by the clothes they wear or how they cut their hair.

As for love - I hope that love is totally unrelated to physical appearance. If my face goes through the windshield tomorrow, I hope that my husband still loves me. I can't imagine loving him less if he looked any different - in fact, he looks completely different now than he did even four or five years ago. If anything, I love him more now than I did when I first fell for him, even though he probably looks less like the physical type I'd found attractive now than he did when I first met him.

Quote

 

Well, the show is "Married at First Sight," not "Married at First Personality" or "Married at First Occupation" or "Married at First Personal Code of Ethics."

We are shown pre-wedding scenes of participants buying gowns and tuxes to look their best. Of participants getting hair styled or "Special Day" makeup applied in order to look their best.

Then we see the participants post-ceremony sans makeup, in sweatpants and T-shirts, in unflattering beards or bikinis, and we and they all wonder where the wonder went! 🤪

 

I don't wonder where the wonder went. Obviously people dress and groom themselves differently for something more formal, like a wedding, than they do to mop the kitchen floor. Sure it's "married at first sight" but I hope that none of the participants really expect their matches to be in full hair/makeup/formal clothes throughout the actual marriage.

The title of the show is something of a misnomer, in fact, because the premise is that these couples are matched on something deeper than the surface. I think they pay lip service to trying to match on some physical characteristics but what they claim is that, despite the initial attraction, love grows as the matches get to know one another on a deeper level. It occurs to me that one of the (many) problems this show has is that it assumes that physical attraction always grows if other compatibilities are there, and I don't think that is necessarily the case. I'm not even sure that it's possible to predict when couples will be able to develop attraction when it isn't there "at first sight" which is why I think so many of these pairs could make really good friends but don't last as married couples. Physical attraction does matter but I think the point of the show is that a) it can develop over time, in some cases, even if it isn't there at first glance and b) it shouldn't be the only thing that people base a relationship on, or even maybe the potential for a relationship - too many people rule out what could be a good match just on that first look. 

Edited February 26 by Elizzikra

[SummerDreams]

6 hours ago, LuvMyShows said:

I am sincerely curious how SummerDreams, or anyone else who genuinely thinks looks are irrelevant to attraction and love, would feel if someone with long, stringy, dirty, matted hair, lots of missing teeth, wearing stained filthy clothing, with a Manson-like intensity stare, came up to you and started flirting. It's hard for me to believe that appearance would not be relevant, so I would love to hear that thought process.

Personal hugiene is irrelevant here. Even if Megan Fox came to you without having washed or brushed her teeth for a month would not be accepted by you or anyone.

Regarding looks, I'm so sure that looks don't matter finding love because life itself proves it time and time again every day. I see really bad looking ugly people every day who are in a relationship, happily married for years. There is someone out there for every one of us. I mean, if someone is not that good looking or has some other flaw on them, will maybe have less proposals and they might take more time to find their significant other, but they will surely find them.

If I reject someone because of their looks doesn't mean this someone won't find another person to accept them.

[ByTor]

I think my hair colorist said it best. Physical attraction will get you the initial dates, but the personality is what makes it grow into a relationship.