Chit-Chat: What's On Your Mind Today?

[PRgal]

Author's proof of my children's book came in today.  Just one small change/picture swap and we're good to go.  Fingers crossed that I can start promoting it in December.

[ECM1231]

On 9/26/2023 at 9:17 AM, ginger90 said:

This made me laugh! I believe it will be in Lake Grove.

🙁Too far for me. Bummer!

[BooksRule]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

Author's proof of my children's book came in today.  Just one small change/picture swap and we're good to go.  Fingers crossed that I can start promoting it in December.

That's great!  I do some of the ordering for my university library, which includes a children's literature collection.  I would be interested in hearing what it's about.  Congratulations!

[oliviabenson]

I should try spicy mayo. In my older years I too am enjoying hot sauce/spicy food.

[stewedsquash]

Is this Kewpie mayo the stuff they call white sauce at the hibachi grills? Or a different thing like what is put on sushi? I only tolerate Texas Pete and siracha as hot sauces or heat. I can’t do jalapeno peppers. Anything other than the two listed above to me are just bitter and too hot. I do not enjoy the choking snotting tears that come from peppers nor my palate sensing them as bitter. I may try to sauce the next time I get sushi from Harris Teeter. I don’t do raw, I would barf. (I have second hand barf reaction from Top Chef tartar and cheviche). I do customized order of crab salad crunchy california roll, teriyaki sauce, pickled ginger and NO wasabi. I may ask for the spicy sauce next time based on feedback.

Edited October 5, 2023 by stewedsquash
Palate not pallett

[SuprSuprElevated]

~sigh~

Summer is done, and this coming weekend will accelerate the demise of our flowers in large parts of the US, so wanted to share a couple pics of my patio Dipladenia, which really performed after slow start back in May. I would love to see your favorites as well!

Autumn kitty flag ftw!

[JTMacc99]

This last hurrah of warm weather let this dahlia throw off a couple of VERY late blooms for me. 
 

[annzeepark914]

@SuprSuprElevated: Love this! I'll twitch my nose (a la Bewitched) & join you on the patio for some iced tea 😊  Being a kittycat mama, I love your flag.

Edited October 5, 2023 by annzeepark914

[SuprSuprElevated]

3 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

This last hurrah of warm weather let this dahlia throw off a couple of VERY late blooms for me. 
 

Love love love dahlias! She's a beauty!

3 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

@SuprSuprElevated: Love this! I'll twitch my nose (a la Bewitched) & join you on the patio for some iced tea 😊  Being a kittycat mama, I love your flag.

C'mon over!

[shapeshifter]

Has anyone here dropped off a package at a Walgreens or similar place that accepts Fedex packages? 

If so, is it okay to use clear packing tape to fix the label to the box like the folks in the Walgreens store say to do? 

The label I generated from the Fedex website says to "place label in shipping pouch and affix it to your shipment..."

I tried looking on Reddit, but didn't readily find an answer.

[EtheltoTillie]

@shapeshifterI have a feeling the clear tape would be fine.  I have a Fedex account for my business, and I keep a supply of those stick on plastic pouches and boxes and envelopes around, but ultimately, it's just the same plastic.  How are you generating the labels, though?  Are you creating a label on line with a tracking number?

Edited October 6, 2023 by EtheltoTillie

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, EtheltoTillie said:

How are you generating the labels, though?  Are you creating a label on line with a tracking number?

Yes. With a barcode too.
So it won’t be necessary at some point in the shipping process for them to take the label out of an envelope affixed to the box? 📦 
— which they won’t be able to do if I tape it down. 

Also:
There’s a big discrepancy between what the FedEx store employees say and what the website says about insurance.  
Interestingly, I got an actual human on the phone when I told the automated answering system my call was about “Insurance.” 
He was a nice, patient human, but all these alternate facts are stressful. 
I mean:
I just want to know the correct procedures for sending a package via FedEx so it won’t get lost, and, if it does, so we will at least get some of its value; it’s not like I’m asking for the meaning of life.
It doesn’t help that the contents are heirlooms created by my father — which made me feel like I kind of was asking the Insurance Support guy about the value of a life. 😶

[EtheltoTillie]

I doubt they take the labels out. But to be safe can you get yourself some of the official pouches?  No fedex or kinko nearby?  Or can you order the supplies?  

What kind of heirlooms?  So curious what kind of craft he might have done. 

[theredhead77]

5 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Has anyone here dropped off a package at a Walgreens or similar place that accepts Fedex packages? 

If so, is it okay to use clear packing tape to fix the label to the box like the folks in the Walgreens store say to do? 

The label I generated from the Fedex website says to "place label in shipping pouch and affix it to your shipment..."

I tried looking on Reddit, but didn't readily find an answer.

I always tape FedEX, USPS and UPS labels on with clear tape. It's fine. 

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, EtheltoTillie said:

I doubt they take the labels out. But to be safe can you get yourself some of the official pouches?  No fedex or kinko nearby?  Or can you order the supplies?

The nearest full-service FedEx is half an hour away — which is too long for me to sit without triggering a lot of chronic pain.

 

1 hour ago, EtheltoTillie said:

What kind of heirlooms?  So curious what kind of craft he might have done. 

I’m glad you asked, because the FedEx Insurance guy said if the box was “lost,” having photos of the contents would help getting the declared value reimbursed — which I wish I known before sealing it with half of a giant roll of tape (because the unused, Home Depot double-walled box seemed ready to decompose without the tape).

But I did have some photos from when I was giving my sister and my other daughters an opportunity to claim some of his pieces.

He made and sold silver jewelry from the mid 1970s to the mid 80s.

It all started with a rock tumbler.
Then he took some jewelry making classes.
He was very prolific.

Edited October 6, 2023 by shapeshifter

[EtheltoTillie]

Ah, @theredhead77 reminds me that I do tape on labels for USPS and UPS.  When I have a printed label from Amazon, for example.  There should be no difference with Fedex.  Now i think I'm going to start keeping extra Fedex pouches at home for use with any labels.  They're handy to use. 

We had a jewelry-making class in high school.  Why, I'll never know.  It seems a very odd thing to have offered.  It was fun, though.  I later took a few lessons at a NYC jewelry making school.  I really liked polishing things. 

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

I always tape FedEX, USPS and UPS labels on with clear tape. It's fine. 

Okay, but do you tape over the barcodes?
I printed on a deskjet printer (not laser) so if it gets wet, it might run if it doesn't have tape over it.

• "FEDEX SHIPPING LABEL POUCH

  "As an ecommerce business shipping goods to customers, you’ll want to ensure you know and follow the guidelines for each shipping carrier. To follow FedEx’s packaging guidelines, you might wonder whether you need a FedEx shipping label pouch. Is the FedEx shipping pouch necessary?

  "In general, you can simply stick a FedEx label onto a package, rather than using a pouch to hold the label. FedEx recommends not taping over the label as it can interfere with the scanning of the information.…" 
  
  https://www.ordoro.com/fedex-shipping-label-pouch#:~:text=To follow FedEx's packaging guidelines,pouch to hold the label.

In the morning I’ll call the nearby UPS facility and ask if they have the correct envelopes, and maybe even accept FedEx-labeled packages there. 
(My daughter in Chinatown says FedEx is the only way to send it so she will actually get it because they require the ID of the recipient.)

Edited October 6, 2023 by shapeshifter

[JTMacc99]

15 hours ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Love love love dahlias! She's a beauty!

I bought those in the 75%-off bin in June at Lowe's. They weren't exactly high quality roots; like one of the bags seemed to be mostly powder with something that might have been a wisp of a tuber. And that's probably why it wasn't until October that it finally cranked out three really nice flowers. As they're in a pot, it will be easy for me to store them up over the winter and probably have much healthier plants next year.

[SuprSuprElevated]

11 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

He was very prolific.

Great stuff!

[theredhead77]

12 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Okay, but do you tape over the barcodes?

Yes. Never had an issue.

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

Yes. Never had an issue.

Well, the 📦 box is on its way.
I wound up getting a free label pouch at UPS and then dropping it off at Walgreens. 
It’s already in the next town.
Whew!

[partofme]

13 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

We had a jewelry-making class in high school.  Why, I'll never know.

My high school offered one too.  I remember that it was very hard to get into.

[kristen111]

On 10/4/2023 at 9:27 PM, ECM1231 said:

🙁Too far for me. Bummer!

And, a few years ago, they were supposed to put a Cracker Barrel near the L.I.E. Somewhere near exit 53.  Guess they shut the idea down as it never happened.  The closest one to us is in Connecticut on I-95.

[ABay]

New England aster, the last flowers to bloom in the garden.

[SuprSuprElevated]

2 hours ago, ABay said:

New England aster, the last flowers to bloom in the garden.

I love this color! I've always thought they were mums, explaining why I could never find them. 🤦‍♀️ <doink>

[TattleTeeny]

On 10/2/2023 at 3:39 PM, shapeshifter said:

ETA:
But back to your list of choices, @Laura Holt, if you don’t already have an air fryer, this would be a chance to try one. I’ve been eyeing them on the antenna TV commercials.

 

Was just going to agree! My BF got me one a couple Xmases ago, hoping that I would dig it -- I did, and still do!

[stewedsquash]

Airfryer’s do get food crispy and crunchy better than a convection oven. Once you get the hang of what temperature and using spray it is as close to deep frying without the sogginess. That’s why it does make a difference to get one that you have a lot of temperature and setting control over. Fry, bake, reheat, and roast plus a range of temps for each setting on the Instapot. All those settings but a preset temp on the Pampered Chef which makes it less controllable. 

[peacheslatour]

22 minutes ago, stewedsquash said:

Airfryer’s do get food crispy and crunchy better than a convection oven. Once you get the hang of what temperature and using spray it is as close to deep frying without the sogginess. That’s why it does make a difference to get one that you have a lot of temperature and setting control over. Fry, bake, reheat, and roast plus a range of temps for each setting on the Instapot. All those settings but a preset temp on the Pampered Chef which makes it less controllable. 

I'm thinking about getting this one.

 

[ECM1231]

That's so cute, @peacheslatour!

 I'm embarrassed to say that I have used my air fryer exactly once, and the InstaPot only a few more times. Both were Christmas gifts from my sons. I tried making chicken cutlets in the air fryer but my husband immediately said they tasted too dry. Back to frying in oil. And honestly, I would probably use the Insta Pot more often, but I just don't have enough cupboard or counter space. 

[kristen111]

59 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

That's so cute, @peacheslatour!

 I'm embarrassed to say that I have used my air fryer exactly once, and the InstaPot only a few more times. Both were Christmas gifts from my sons. I tried making chicken cutlets in the air fryer but my husband immediately said they tasted too dry. Back to frying in oil. And honestly, I would probably use the Insta Pot more often, but I just don't have enough cupboard or counter space. 

Everything that was the rage at the time is now sitting in my pantry.  The Crock Pot, the Waffle Maker, the Grilled Cheese maker and who knows what else.  Like you, I’m frying again and use my small toaster oven and bigger counter oven only.

[annzeepark914]

24 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

Everything that was the rage at the time is now sitting in my pantry.  The Crock Pot, the Waffle Maker, the Grilled Cheese maker and who knows what else.  Like you, I’m frying again and use my small toaster oven and bigger counter oven only.

My waffle iron is in the pull-out cabinet drawer, along with the electric coffeepot. The Crockpot, hardly ever used (and I keep buying slow cooker cookbooks but returning them as the recipes don't sound good), is on a shelf of a small table. I don't want to give them away as who knows? I just may need them *some day*, right? 😏

[stewedsquash]

I hated my Keurig coffee maker but one gadget I won’t part with and will always have space for is my Mr Coffee iced coffee maker. I followed the directions the first time, poured it out, repeated again about four times changing up the ratios of water/ice cubes/coffee and found the perfect strength (I like it strong) and amount that works in my cup that I transfer it to and I have definitely gotten my money’s worth out of it. I bought a Walmart brand for $20 to take on our mountain trip over the summer and I didn’t like it as much. It worked but I guess I was used to my own. I only got it in case I accidentally left it at the cabin when leaving. I gave it to my son’s girlfriend when we were leaving and she uses it everyday. Don Pablo coffee beans from Costco (remembering to grind before I leave is sometimes an issue lol), Walmart brand honey/vanilla/cinnamon creamer (it’s the only thing I ever really go to Walmart for anymore) and I am good to go every day. It was a Christmas gift from the babyboy and special because he got the purple color. He said after he ordered it that he checked again and the price had doubled for that color and was out of stock. Anyway, Mr Coffee iced coffee maker is great. 

Edited October 8, 2023 by stewedsquash

[Anela]

I love my instant pot, for certain things, like soup. I had to get a new one in February, because my old one broke, but it lasted for seven years. 

I like my air fryer that my dad got me for my birthday, on sale, three years ago, but it sometimes does weird things, I don't fully trust it. It sometimes changes up the temperature, or suddenly counts down and shuts off, even if it has something like twenty or thirty minutes to go. I recently made jacket potatoes in the gas oven, for the first time in years, and they were just as good. My air fryer also looks too small to cook a whole chicken, even though it says that it can. I still haven't tried the rotisserie option, or the fries in the rotating basket. I might try another one, if we can afford one. I have that itch to shop, but I can't afford to. 

I turned on my TV tonight, to watch something on a streaming channel, and it's giving me the "no signal" screen for cable. I don't know what's going on, it usually brings up the Roku fish bowl, and then I hit a button to take it to the streaming options. We can't afford to buy a new one, if it's broken. We've had it for twelve years (A vizio that dad got at a Black Friday sale). I want to scream, everything is breaking. 

[kristen111]

5 hours ago, Anela said:

I love my instant pot, for certain things, like soup. I had to get a new one in February, because my old one broke, but it lasted for seven years. 

I like my air fryer that my dad got me for my birthday, on sale, three years ago, but it sometimes does weird things, I don't fully trust it. It sometimes changes up the temperature, or suddenly counts down and shuts off, even if it has something like twenty or thirty minutes to go. I recently made jacket potatoes in the gas oven, for the first time in years, and they were just as good. My air fryer also looks too small to cook a whole chicken, even though it says that it can. I still haven't tried the rotisserie option, or the fries in the rotating basket. I might try another one, if we can afford one. I have that itch to shop, but I can't afford to. 

I turned on my TV tonight, to watch something on a streaming channel, and it's giving me the "no signal" screen for cable. I don't know what's going on, it usually brings up the Roku fish bowl, and then I hit a button to take it to the streaming options. We can't afford to buy a new one, if it's broken. We've had it for twelve years (A vizio that dad got at a Black Friday sale). I want to scream, everything is breaking. 

Tell me about it.  We have a “Sharp” tv for 19 yrs now and it’s gorgeous.  44 in and the color is amazing.  Also, a new Smart tv in the bedroom.  I hate it as I have to keep asking the grandchildren how to operate it.  It’s too technical.  Everything is a hassle.  Forget about my I-phone.  I only know the basics.  It’s ridiculous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ABay]

@SuprSuprElevated, It is a beautiful color and the bees love it. There were 5 of them on it just now. They also love the salvia and catmint, which are also purple. And the hyssop, which is a much paler color than I thought it would be, but they love it. I sense a theme.

Edited October 8, 2023 by ABay

[kristen111]

16 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

That's so cute, @peacheslatour!

 I'm embarrassed to say that I have used my air fryer exactly once, and the InstaPot only a few more times. Both were Christmas gifts from my sons. I tried making chicken cutlets in the air fryer but my husband immediately said they tasted too dry. Back to frying in oil. And honestly, I would probably use the Insta Pot more often, but I just don't have enough cupboard or counter space. 

What if you’re cooking say a chicken.  You can’t baste it in an air frier, right?  Or a meatloaf.  I do lots of basting.  The frier does sound good for fries, nuggets and other things tho, and it’s not too big if you have the room.  Nice colors.

[RealHousewife]

Wasn't sure whether or not to post this here or in the workplace thread, but I decided to post here because I think the topic can apply outside of the workplace. 

Do any single women here ever feel like they have to have this perfect balance between not being so friendly that other women see you as a flirt but being friendly enough that men don't see you as standoffish?

I'm generally a quiet, reserved person unless someone approaches me to chat or we're friends. Even when I become a talker and can joke around, I don't get provocative. I'm not touchy-feely. There isn't a sexual connotation. Awhile back when the topic of flirting came up, one of the guys at work said "do you even know how?" He is a flirty dude, and I would normally pretend I didn't hear him or play dumb when I knew he was trying to flirt with me. A couple other guys have said I was standoffish. I can get along with most people and am a nice person. But I don't love the idea of becoming close friends outside of work. I'm not the type to run up and hug someone unless I know them very well. I've had guys who think I'm uptight if I don't want to take a long drive with them to a work conference or don't want to watch to watch a movie in a hotel room together. 

One time I complained to a woman friend about one of the guys hitting on me, and while she thought the guy was in the wrong, that our banter was flirtatious. She was a self-proclaimed man's woman, so I think that was part of it. I don't think I was ever flirtatious with that guy. But her comment did make me want to watch my behavior more. I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea, especially at work. I had another old coworker who really liked me. I don't think he saw me as anything but a kid he liked to tease. I was in my 20s, and he was approaching 70. When I met his wife, she was ice cold and turned her back towards me right after he introduced us.

The married women on the other hand? They can say and do a whole lot before  anyone takes them seriously. Men don't jump to think the slightest bit of friendliness makes it okay to hit on them. When married women are hit on, if a man is rejected, he doesn't take it as personally as he does when a single woman isn't interested. I've had guys who treated me horribly after they knew I wasn't interested.

I'm not saying all the above is stuff I deal with all the time, but I have a work trip coming up, and having dealt with harassment in the past, I'm nervous about it.

Edited October 8, 2023 by RealHousewife

[oliviabenson]

19 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

I'm thinking about getting this one.

 

It’s so cute!

[oliviabenson]

Finding headphones on clearance and buying 3 different pairs, feels like Christmas lol.

 

Bought a aldi hat for $4. I think it’s cute hope I don’t look ridiculous!

[Bastet]

11 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

When married women are hit on, if a man is rejected, he doesn't take it as personally as he does when a single woman isn't interested. I've had guys who treated me horribly after they knew I wasn't interested.

Because, in their lizard brains, the married women are rejecting them because they already "belong" to another man, not because they're uninterested in the jerk who's hitting on them.  But the single women dare to say no for no other reason than they're not interested, and that drives these assholes crazy.

11 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Do any single women here ever feel like they have to have this perfect balance between not being so friendly that other women see you as a flirt but being friendly enough that men don't see you as standoffish?

Hmm.  I have literally never had that thought in my life, but I can see how a woman would feel that pressure.

11 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I had another old coworker who really liked me. I don't think he saw me as anything but a kid he liked to tease. I was in my 20s, and he was approaching 70. When I met his wife, she was ice cold and turned her back towards me right after he introduced us.

At my parents' anniversary party, the husband of one of my mom's friends, in his 70s, was talking to my friend in her 40s for a while.  They were talking about cats.  But his wife was staring daggers at the two of them the whole time.  Dude, go join in the conversation.  Or go talk to someone else (there was another couple there she knew; it wasn't only her husband and my mom).  Just get over yourself.  If you can't trust him to have acceptable interactions with other women, because he's crossed the line in the past, divorce him.  If he doesn't behave inappropriately, though, don't get huffy about it.  Ugh.  That night was my first time meeting her, and my opinion of her has only gone downhill the more I've learned about her.

11 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

But her comment did make me want to watch my behavior more.

You police yourself too much already; you're not the problem.  Modulate your behavior based on what makes you comfortable, not based on catering to sexism (whether from men or women).

11 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I've had guys who think I'm uptight if I don't want to take a long drive with them to a work conference or don't want to watch to watch a movie in a hotel room together. 

Ah, yes -- "uptight".  Code for "A woman wouldn't let me cross a boundary".

11 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

She was a self-proclaimed man's woman,

I can't stand those women.  They're as sexist as the men they hang out with.  And I can sympathize with the fact they've been conditioned, and are navigating the patriarchy the way they think best, but I don't want to be around them.  Thankfully, I've encountered relatively few in my life.

Edited October 9, 2023 by Bastet

[theredhead77]

2 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Do any single women here ever feel like they have to have this perfect balance between not being so friendly that other women see you as a flirt but being friendly enough that men don't see you as standoffish?

Nope. I'm me and people can either like me or hate me. I don't give a flying F what other women (or men) think of me. I have a solid group of co-ed friends, and those friendships were formed by us being our authentic selves.

I don't try to be a "cool girl" or a "pick-me" girl, or anything but myself. I don't have the energy for the drama that comes with all of the things that come with being anything but me. 

3 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

There isn't a sexual connotation. Awhile back when the topic of flirting came up, one of the guys at work said "do you even know how?" He is a flirty dude, and I would normally pretend I didn't hear him or play dumb when I knew he was trying to flirt with me. A couple other guys have said I was standoffish.

Literally cannot relate to this. Constantly being in these situations with your male coworkers sounds like an HR nightmare and it sounds like everyone at your company needs some anti-harassment training.

3 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

But I don't love the idea of becoming close friends outside of work.

Work friends are work friends regardless of gender. Forming close, lasting relationships with work friends that sustain once someone leaves the company is rare. It's great when everyone gets along, when mandatory fun is actually fun, when a team wants to go out, but at the end of the day, they aren't your besties, they aren't your confidants, they are just work friends. Act accordingly. And don't shit where you eat. 

[partofme]

3 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Wasn't sure whether or not to post this here or in the workplace thread, but I decided to post here because I think the topic can apply outside of the workplace. 

Do any single women here ever feel like they have to have this perfect balance between not being so friendly that other women see you as a flirt but being friendly enough that men don't see you as standoffish?

I'm generally a quiet, reserved person unless someone approaches me to chat or we're friends. Even when I become a talker and can joke around, I don't get provocative. I'm not touchy-feely. There isn't a sexual connotation. Awhile back when the topic of flirting came up, one of the guys at work said "do you even know how?" He is a flirty dude, and I would normally pretend I didn't hear him or play dumb when I knew he was trying to flirt with me. A couple other guys have said I was standoffish. I can get along with most people and am a nice person. But I don't love the idea of becoming close friends outside of work. I'm not the type to run up and hug someone unless I know them very well. I've had guys who think I'm uptight if I don't want to take a long drive with them to a work conference or don't want to watch to watch a movie in a hotel room together. 

One time I complained to a woman friend about one of the guys hitting on me, and while she thought the guy was in the wrong, that our banter was flirtatious. She was a self-proclaimed man's woman, so I think that was part of it. I don't think I was ever flirtatious with that guy. But her comment did make me want to watch my behavior more. I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea, especially at work. I had another old coworker who really liked me. I don't think he saw me as anything but a kid he liked to tease. I was in my 20s, and he was approaching 70. When I met his wife, she was ice cold and turned her back towards me right after he introduced us.

The married women on the other hand? They can say and do a whole lot before  anyone takes them seriously. Men don't jump to think the slightest bit of friendliness makes it okay to hit on them. When married women are hit on, if a man is rejected, he doesn't take it as personally as he does when a single woman isn't interested. I've had guys who treated me horribly after they knew I wasn't interested.

I'm not saying all the above is stuff I deal with all the time, but I have a work trip coming up, and having dealt with harassment in the past, I'm nervous about it.

Does the company you work for have an HR department, because the things these men say to you sound completely inappropriate for a work environment and definitely violate the harassment training that my company makes me take every year.     I think these men’s behavior should be reported.  

[annzeepark914]

Hmmm...I was coming here to post this link about Michael Chiarello and noticed the posts re: men saying inappropriate things.  Anyway, Chiarello died from some type of allergic reaction.  I remember watching his show and thinking that he made me feel uneasy and I couldn't figure out why. Several years later, it was reported that two employees accused him of sexual harassment.  Maybe I felt weird watching his show because he had a whispery voice? I also remember he snapped at an assistant during one episode and that was when I stopped watching the show.

https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/michael-chiarello-dead-food-network-1235748613/

[RealHousewife]

8 hours ago, Bastet said:

Because, in their lizard brains, the married women are rejecting them because they already "belong" to another man, not because they're uninterested in the jerk who's hitting on them.  But the single women dare to say no for no other reason than they're not interested, and that drives these assholes crazy.

Hmm.  I have literally never had that thought in my life, but I can certainly see how a woman would feel that pressure.

At my parents' anniversary party, the husband of one of my mom's friends, in his 70s, was talking to my friend in her 40s for a while.  They were talking about cats.  But his wife was staring daggers at the two of them the whole time.  Dude, go join in the conversation.  Or go talk to something else (there was another couple there she knew; it wasn't only her husband and my mom).  Just get over yourself.  If you can't trust him to have acceptable interaction with other women, because he's crossed the line in the past, divorce him.  If he doesn't behave inappropriately, don't get huffy about it.  Ugh.  That night was my first time meeting her, and my opinion of her has only gone downhill the more I've learned about her.

You police yourself too much already; you're not the problem.  Modulate your behavior based on what makes you comfortable, not based on catering to sexism (whether from men or women).

Ah, yes -- "uptight".  Code for "A woman wouldn't let me cross a boundary".

I can't stand those women.  They're as sexist as the men they hang out with.  And I can sympathize with the fact they've been conditioned, and are navigating the patriarchy the way they think best, but I don't want to be around them.  Thankfully, I've encountered relatively few in my life.

Exactly.

Agree. I wouldn't want a relationship with someone I couldn't trust to interact with women. 

Same. Thank you so much. I really appreciate all the wisdom you share on here. We need more people like you in this wold.

7 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

Nope. I'm me and people can either like me or hate me. I don't give a flying F what other women (or men) think of me. I have a solid group of co-ed friends, and those friendships were formed by us being our authentic selves.

I don't try to be a "cool girl" or a "pick-me" girl, or anything but myself. I don't have the energy for the drama that comes with all of the things that come with being anything but me. 

Literally cannot relate to this. Constantly being in these situations with your male coworkers sounds like an HR nightmare and it sounds like everyone at your company needs some anti-harassment training.

Work friends are work friends regardless of gender. Forming close, lasting relationships with work friends that sustain once someone leaves the company is rare. It's great when everyone gets along, when mandatory fun is actually fun, when a team wants to go out, but at the end of the day, they aren't your besties, they aren't your confidants, they are just work friends. Act accordingly. And don't shit where you eat. 

I'm definitely not trying to be a cool girl or pick me girl either. I try to be myself, but I can lack confidence in my judgement at times. 

What's crazy is one guy was just let go for being a creep, but that's a whole other story. We were sent out an email and video on sexual harassment. I don't think that bit of training was sufficient for a certain individual, but I am thrilled there is one less weirdo I have to worry about. 

Yeah, I've always proceeded with caution with everyone at work, no matter the gender. There are some really nice people at work. They're not all inappropriate men. But as much as I care about some of them beyond coworkers, I'm leery of getting too close. I don't love the idea of going into the office and everyone knowing all of my business. Not saying there is a whole lot going on, but still.

7 hours ago, partofme said:

Does the company you work for have an HR department, because the things these men say to you sound completely inappropriate for a work environment and definitely violate the harassment training that my company makes me take every year.     I think these men’s behavior should be reported.  

We do. Thank you for your advice. I'll try to handle it, but I will go that route if I feel like someone isn't listening. I know I probably come across like this insecure damsel on here, but I am actually pretty good at putting men in their place. There was a guy I used to work with who said he was scared to ever cross me after I told off another guy. I just constantly second-guess my judgment and don't want to overreact in the moment. 

Thank you all again. 

Edited October 9, 2023 by RealHousewife

[PRgal]

Thing is, different people get different vibes out of others.  There are some vibes that are universal, but others are less so.  I might find one guy creepy or a gal a bit Karen-ish but you might not.  Where do we draw the line?  What if one person feels one way and another something else?

[Laura Holt]

I know American thanksgiving is always on a Thursday (but if they can people tend to make it a long week-end),  here in Canada it's the Monday (today) and I was curious - do most people have the turkey dinner (or however you choose to celebrate if you do) on the actual day or do you have it on the week-end?  We're doing it today for various reasons but normally we like to have the get together on the Sunday so we have Monday to recuperate.

[Bastet]

On 10/8/2023 at 8:59 PM, RealHousewife said:

don't want to overreact in the moment. 

If men spent even half as much time considering the effect of their words and deeds as women do considering whether they are - or, more accurately, will be perceived as - overreacting in their response to those actions, we'd all live in a much better world.

There's an episode of Designing Women where Mary Jo is mugged.  She thought a guy might be following her (when she stopped to look in a store window, he did the same, and when she exited the store she'd gone into, he was standing around outside), but second guessed herself, and he grabbed her purse.  She's angry that she doubted herself, so much she didn't start yelling when he approached her -- "If he wasn't following me and I screamed like that, why, I'd be embarrassed to death.  He'd think I was crazy". 

She just wants to forget about it, but it affects her daily life; she's scared to go places alone.  As TV characters do, the group of them decide to take a self defense course.  It's for women, and talks about using lower body strength as a physical defense, but emphasizes making a scene verbally. They talk about how, especially as southern women, they'd been conditioned and outright taught about "ladylike" behavior -- don't be aggressive.  Mary Jo has a tough time with it, and even though she does the exercises she doesn't think she'd be any different in another real-life scenario.

Fast forward, and when she starts get into a parking garage elevator, there's a man in there.  She tells him she's waiting for someone (her German Shepherd, "Killer", heh), so go ahead.  When the elevator comes back, he's still in it.  As she walks away, he says "Wait a minute" and reaches out for her.  She screams at him, he takes off, she goes to tell Julia what happened and how proud of herself she is. 

The office door opens, and it's the parking garage guy -- he's the client she has never met, scheduled to go to dinner with Julia.  He'd realized he recognized Mary Jo from a picture in an article, so came back down, and tried to stop her when she took off.  She's embarrassed and apologetic, and he says there's no need; he should have known better than to go up to a strange woman in a deserted parking garage.  She's relieved, saying a lot of men would have been mad at her.  He jokes he was terrified, not mad, but then says, "Any decent male who cares about women and their safety is not going to get mad at you for defending it."

It's not an overreaction.  It's a reaction to our reality as women.  If it turns out something wasn't actually dangerous/aggressive/harassing/discriminatory, so be it; that will get clarified, and it's better to have defended against it and find out in was unnecessary in that case than to have talked ourselves out of that when it - as it more often is - was indeed what we feared.
 

Edited October 10, 2023 by Bastet

[annzeepark914]

Years ago, my mom and I were walking toward the convention center in downtown Raleigh on a sunny afternoon. All of a sudden we heard heavy running footsteps behind us.  We both turned around and I guess we both had a look of fear on our faces because the young man apologized.  Females of all ages always need to be on alert in this world, unfortunately. 

[Browncoat]

I have ducked into shops when I thought someone was following me while I was walking somewhere -- notably Bar Harbor, ME.  That guy really was following me, though.  He started talking to me as a bunch of people were crossing the sandbar to Bar Island and back.  Fortunately, he did not follow me into the shop, and the shop happened to have two doors.  I went out the other one.

And when I've been concerned about being followed while I was driving, I will take a different, longer (convoluted) route home -- often one that goes by the police station.

[PRgal]

2 hours ago, Laura Holt said:

I know American thanksgiving is always on a Thursday (but if they can people tend to make it a long week-end),  here in Canada it's the Monday (today) and I was curious - do most people have the turkey dinner (or however you choose to celebrate if you do) on the actual day or do you have it on the week-end?  We're doing it today for various reasons but normally we like to have the get together on the Sunday so we have Monday to recuperate.

We're a Sunday turkey family.