Chit-Chat: What's On Your Mind Today?

[Ancaster]

14 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Suburb of Tacoma.  We have been there in all seasons over the years.  Not for me for 9 months of the year.  In the best of times, even though I am with loved ones, it brings me down.

I can believe that - 40 inches of rain/drizzle a year.  And when it's not rainy it's often overcast, and Tacoma isn't the most exciting place in the world (sorry anyone who lives there).  At least it has The "Pungent" Sound, as Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers* used to call it.

* The NPR Car Talk presenters.

[ECM1231]

2 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

And then Sweet Son got cancer and died.

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

[kristen111]

16 hours ago, Anela said:

I didn’t like being the eldest kid. I liked having a sibling, but wished that I had an older one, too.

I have two sisters.  The oldest is in Florida, the younger is a PhD. Psychologist in New York City, and is nuts.

[fairffaxx]

8 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

... the younger is a PhD. Psychologist in New York City, and is nuts.

My late husband's best friend also suffers from that malady, seems to be fairly common among those in the profession (not only in NYC).  I've been watching reruns of Frasier, which are hilarious but probably quite true.

[kristen111]

42 minutes ago, fairffaxx said:

My late husband's best friend also suffers from that malady, seems to be fairly common among those in the profession (not only in NYC).  I've been watching reruns of Frasier, which are hilarious but probably quite true.

Not to be mean, but even my Mother couldn’t figure her out.  She was never happy or satisfied.  I can’t say we didn’t try.  I never watched  Frazier, but I will now if I can get it.

[Ancaster]

47 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

Not to be mean, but even my Mother couldn’t figure her out.  She was never happy or satisfied.  I can’t say we didn’t try.  I never watched  Frazier, but I will now if I can get it.

I used to watch.  Like any sitcom, it won't be to everyone's taste, but I think it's definitely worth giving it a go.  The casting of the two brothers was genius.

Edited August 24 by Ancaster

[Anduin]

I stepped in something, now it's stuck in the ridges of my shoe. I tried boiling water and scrubbing brush, but what else to really get in there and dig it out?

[Yeah No]

2 hours ago, Anduin said:

I stepped in something, now it's stuck in the ridges of my shoe. I tried boiling water and scrubbing brush, but what else to really get in there and dig it out?

Try a toothbrush to get in the small cracks and soaking in an oily solvent cleaner like the spray cleaner "Goo Gone" then hot water. That has worked for me in the past but it might take several tries.

[Yeah No]

11 hours ago, Absolom said:

As the executor he was entitled to a fee usually a percentage of the estate and quite likely expenses.  (As said above it should have simply been paid as part of the process.)

 

It wasn't the same for me.  My parents used to live here.  They up and moved over half a continent away and then their solution was for me to sell my house and move closer to their now chosen location.  It did not happen.  They also did not move to a city with scheduled airline service or even direct flights to the closest large airport.  I, therefore, had to fly to say Las Vegas or Houston, and then get a flight to the closest airport, rent a car, and drive an hour and a half.  I'm currently between 130 and 145 miles from my kids and can still drive it myself.  Tell me about things being "a lot" when you have a full day of travel each way not to mention the price of unscheduled airline trips and the havoc that comes to life when your parents choose to move away, refuse to accept they need help, fire the help you hire, refuse assisted living, and do not call when emergencies occur.  They then have a big emergency requiring your presence when you have pneumonia and can't fly off at the drop of a hat and you are the sole person on the planet who can sign the paperwork for what needs to be done.   The state where they chose to live required that certain things must be done live and in person.  That's why I refuse to be that kind of burden on my kids.  I also made absolutely sure not leave the burden to an only child.  If they are only slightly nervous, then I'll try to improve my schedule to relocate and again it is less than 150 miles away and does not require airline service or rental cars.  Plus they moved away from here, I did not choose to have them leave. So I'll be leaving my doctors, my dentist, my housekeeper, my hairdresser, and my friends.  It also isn't surprising that I'm not in a hurry.  

So I've seen it or I'm seeing it from both sides. I'll still be moving to make life easier for them.  

My sympathies, that was a very tough situation. Good for you for doing things differently. I did leave a lot out where my father was concerned so it was no piece of cake for me either but for sure it might have been worse if he had moved so far away. Me being 100 miles away was bad enough. It might not sound like much but with the traffic it can sometimes take up to 3 hours to drive it.

Toward the end of his life (he lived to be 92 - it would have been longer if not for Covid) - he suffered from a condition I don't know how to name except that it was not dementia or Alzheimer's. It wasn't even "cognitive impairment" which I have read is supposed to be the precursor to that. No, he had all his "marbles" that way but he was regressing in terms of emotional intelligence. He was more like a rebellious, impulsive teenager than himself. And stubborn too. And he would lie about things, like telling me he went to the doctor when he didn't, and living so far away I had no way of knowing the truth.

He actually let another older woman who had once been a lawyer that he knew from his local pub live with him during the last two years of his life and he hid that from me. She was disabled and had nowhere to live after her aunt died. She was probably an alcoholic (he was not) but he felt sorry for her plus she actually paid him rent! But the problem was that he had signed the apartment over to me years before so I was liable for any accidents on the property. Plus the co-op board did not authorize her living there. So it was on me to get her out of there. You can imagine what this put me through. After much "pain and gnashing of teeth" on my part he finally assured me she was gone, and she was for about a year or so but eventually she came back after not being happy with where the city put her all the way out in Queens. And he lied to me about it. He knew the co-op board was threatening to penalize me if she was found there. When I would come over somehow there was no evidence of her being there, and he'd make sure she wasn't there when I visited. I did eventually find out about it from his caregiver/cleaning person.

Thankfully, after all that aggravation and worry the co-op management company decided to look the other way on it and I didn't kick that sleeping dog. I knew that they knew she was there but they chose not to bother me over it, and thank goodness or my life would have been even more of a living nightmare. I had told them I had my hands full with him and that he was not listening to reason. And note that they knew that this was NOT how my father was when he was normal. In fact, just the opposite. He was the most rational, wise, level-headed person before this. He would never do anything risky or strange like that. He had actually been the president of his building's co-op board for decades so everyone knew and loved him. So I was lucky that the management let this go or I really would have had more of a nightmare to deal with with him.

Luck was on my side when sadly his boarder died in 2018. If she had lived longer than my father I would have had all hell to get her out of the apartment despite owning it because of the laws in NYC about that sort of thing. I knew very well the precarious situation I was in with her there and it ate away at me. There was no way to get through to him about it. Also no way to get him to take care of some of his medical conditions, which actually is what put him at high risk where Covid was concerned and likely contributed to his death from it in early 2020. By the way, I knew Covid was around and that he was at high risk. I stopped going down to visit him at the end of February 2020 because of that and told him to make sure his caregivers were wearing masks. He assured me that they were but I really had no way of knowing if that was the case and my sense of helplessness and later guilt over not being able to protect him was significant. After he died I found out from his cleaning person/friend that she thought some of the nurses that were coming in to give him B12 shots weren't wearing masks. I don't doubt that, this was early and there was no emergency yet in late Feb./early March nor mask mandates yet.

While he was in the hospital with Covid and after he died was a nightmare for me because this was when NYC was in crisis with 700 people dying a DAY. There was nowhere to send his body and I was not allowed to go down there to deal with this in person. Everything was in lockdown. I wasn't even able to speak to him on the phone - I had to BEG the doctors to let me talk to him. They had to pull a phone over to him - they were inundated with patients and in crisis - It was a dire, emergency situation. I only managed to tell him we loved him. He couldn't speak, he was on oxygen. All I heard was air as he tried to gasp to us. The next thing I knew he was dead. His body was put on ice who knows where? I was told he was in the hospital morgue but we heard rumors of bodies being piled up in refrigerated trucks for weeks. As it was he was there for a MONTH before they found a crematorium that would take his body, and that was in PENNSYLVANIA. I really had no choice but to have him cremated, which would not have been his preference. His remains were sent to a funeral home local to his home which we were familiar with. I was not able to pick them up for a few months. Then I had to deal with clearing out and selling his apartment, which was in poor condition, all while everyone was on edge because of Covid. If not for my husband I would have had ZERO help.

So anyway that's some of what I left out before. But yeah, I sympathize and think your situation was in the big picture likely worse.

Edited August 24 by Yeah No

[Anduin]

2 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Try a toothbrush to get in the small cracks and soaking in an oily solvent cleaner like the spray cleaner "Goo Gone" then hot water. That has worked for me in the past but it might take several tries.

Okay, I'll try that. Thanks!

[Ancaster]

5 hours ago, Anduin said:

I stepped in something, now it's stuck in the ridges of my shoe. I tried boiling water and scrubbing brush, but what else to really get in there and dig it out?

Could you try freezing it (in a plastic bag!)?  I've heard that works for wax.

[Ancaster]

2 hours ago, Yeah No said:

My sympathies, that was a very tough situation. Good for you for doing things differently. I did leave a lot out where my father was concerned so it was no piece of cake for me either but for sure it might have been worse if he had moved so far away. Me being 100 miles away was bad enough. It might not sound like much but with the traffic it can sometimes take up to 3 hours to drive it.

Toward the end of his life (he lived to be 92 - it would have been longer if not for Covid) - he suffered from a condition I don't know how to name except that it was not dementia or Alzheimer's. It wasn't even "cognitive impairment" which I have read is supposed to be the precursor to that. No, he had all his "marbles" that way but he was regressing in terms of emotional intelligence. He was more like a rebellious, impulsive teenager than himself. And stubborn too. And he would lie about things, like telling me he went to the doctor when he didn't, and living so far away I had no way of knowing the truth.

He actually let another older woman who had once been a lawyer that he knew from his local pub live with him during the last two years of his life and he hid that from me. She was disabled and had nowhere to live after her aunt died. She was probably an alcoholic (he was not) but he felt sorry for her plus she actually paid him rent! But the problem was that he had signed the apartment over to me years before so I was liable for any accidents on the property. Plus the co-op board did not authorize her living there. So it was on me to get her out of there. You can imagine what this put me through. After much "pain and gnashing of teeth" on my part he finally assured me she was gone, and she was for about a year or so but eventually she came back after not being happy with where the city put her all the way out in Queens. And he lied to me about it. He knew the co-op board was threatening to penalize me if she was found there. When I would come over somehow there was no evidence of her being there, and he'd make sure she wasn't there when I visited. I did eventually find out about it from his caregiver/cleaning person.

Thankfully, after all that aggravation and worry the co-op management company decided to look the other way on it and I didn't kick that sleeping dog. I knew that they knew she was there but they chose not to bother me over it, and thank goodness or my life would have been even more of a living nightmare. I had told them I had my hands full with him and that he was not listening to reason. And note that they knew that this was NOT how my father was when he was normal. In fact, just the opposite. He was the most rational, wise, level-headed person before this. He would never do anything risky or strange like that. He had actually been the president of his building's co-op board for decades so everyone knew and loved him. So I was lucky that the management let this go or I really would have had more of a nightmare to deal with with him.

Luck was on my side when sadly his boarder died in 2018. If she had lived longer than my father I would have had all hell to get her out of the apartment despite owning it because of the laws in NYC about that sort of thing. I knew very well the precarious situation I was in with her there and it ate away at me. There was no way to get through to him about it. Also no way to get him to take care of some of his medical conditions, which actually is what put him at high risk where Covid was concerned and likely contributed to his death from it in early 2020. By the way, I knew Covid was around and that he was at high risk. I stopped going down to visit him at the end of February 2020 because of that and told him to make sure his caregivers were wearing masks. He assured me that they were but I really had no way of knowing if that was the case and my sense of helplessness and later guilt over not being able to protect him was significant. After he died I found out from his cleaning person/friend that she thought some of the nurses that were coming in to give him B12 shots weren't wearing masks. I don't doubt that, this was early and there was no emergency yet in late Feb./early March nor mask mandates yet.

While he was in the hospital with Covid and after he died was a nightmare for me because this was when NYC was in crisis with 700 people dying a DAY. There was nowhere to send his body and I was not allowed to go down there to deal with this in person. Everything was in lockdown. I wasn't even able to speak to him on the phone - I had to BEG the doctors to let me talk to him. They had to pull a phone over to him - they were inundated with patients and in crisis - It was a dire, emergency situation. I only managed to tell him we loved him. He couldn't speak, he was on oxygen. All I heard was air as he tried to gasp to us. The next thing I knew he was dead. His body was put on ice who knows where? I was told he was in the hospital morgue but we heard rumors of bodies being piled up in refrigerated trucks for weeks. As it was he was there for a MONTH before they found a crematorium that would take his body, and that was in PENNSYLVANIA. I really had no choice but to have him cremated, which would not have been his preference. His remains were sent to a funeral home local to his home which we were familiar with. I was not able to pick them up for a few months. Then I had to deal with clearing out and selling his apartment, which was in poor condition, all while everyone was on edge because of Covid. If not for my husband I would have had ZERO help.

So anyway that's some of what I left out before. But yeah, I sympathize and think your situation was in the big picture likely worse.

I'm so, so sorry you had to live this nightmare.  Truly all the worst things we heard about Covid, and then some.

I hope you are extra kind to yourself and let your husband spoil you, even though it's been a couple of years.

[nokat]

On a lighter note, is having crackers and cheese an acceptable breakfast?

Covid is hitting the people I hang out with, and it spreads so fast.  I still have masks.

[Browncoat]

56 minutes ago, nokat said:

On a lighter note, is having crackers and cheese an acceptable breakfast?

Yes.

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, Ancaster said:

I'm so, so sorry you had to live this nightmare.  Truly all the worst things we heard about Covid, and then some.

I hope you are extra kind to yourself and let your husband spoil you, even though it's been a couple of years.

Thank you. I would be lying if I said I was completely over it. Like someone else here said, grieving jumps around and is often triggered by reminders. Like yesterday, when I suddenly found myself in tears at one of my Dad's favorite restaurants. Every year we used to celebrate 3 birthdays together - my Dad's, my, and my Sister in Law's, which all take place in the same week at a family owned red sauce restaurant in Yonkers, NY that we have been going to forever. Well yesterday was the day we did that. There were a a couple of years we didn't do it after Dad died and because of Covid, but we started up again last year, this time minus my Father and his good friend and helper, who died suddenly in her sleep in 2021 (she was 74).  And yes, that was another big loss on top of loss for me as I knew her for decades. Also missing is one of my best friends, another tremendous loss, who suddenly dropped out of my life in 2021 with no explanation. Another long, sorry, sad story. At least my long time BFF still comes (thank goodness).

[Ancaster]

On 8/24/2024 at 3:17 AM, nokat said:

On a lighter note, is having crackers and cheese an acceptable breakfast?

 

Absolutely!  I am a strong proponent of eating whatever you want for breakfast.  I frequently have leftovers, whether it's a slice of pizza, pad thai, or the curry I made for dinner last night.  Cheese and crackers, especially if it were livened up with a little chutney, sounds great, certainly better than cereal, which I never eat.

Edited August 27 by Ancaster

[shapeshifter]

3 hours ago, nokat said:

On a lighter note, is having crackers and cheese an acceptable breakfast?

Yes, as others have said. 
"My" crackers are Triscuit "Hint of Sea Salt" variety, which have about half the sodium and only contain: "Whole grain wheat, canola oil, sea salt"
But I usually have them as an evening snack with Muenster cheese.

In my older age I can't tolerate much flavoring, be it salt, sugar, spicy hot, etc., but then I've never had Covid either.

And I am not attending the annual condo owners meeting in that stuffy room.
2 of my neighbors just got out of the hospital with Covid.
I did get the reformulated vaccine in April, and will be getting the new one coming out next month ASAP.
I too live alone.
I did not move near my daughter to be a burden for the next however many years/decades. My idea was to make it easier for them "when the time comes." 
I just wish I was still strong enough to babysit more.

[EtheltoTillie]

Triscuits are like crack for me.  Sometimes I will buy a box at CVS next door to my office and munch on them, but then I can't stop.  So I have to avoid.  I posted about another dangerous snack on the food thread.   I dare you to look, @shapeshifter.  You might not like it if you don't favor salt. 

[nokat]

21 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

"My" crackers are Triscuit "Hint of Sea Salt" variety, which have about half the sodium and only contain: "Whole grain wheat, canola oil, sea salt"
But I usually have them as an evening snack with Muenster cheese.

In my older age I can't tolerate much flavoring, be it salt, sugar, spicy hot, etc., but then I've never had Covid either.

I tried Triscuits with olive oil and cracked black pepper. Very hot, and it surprised me. You also have to be a fan of olive oil, which I am. I'm a fan of Muenster too.

My tastes have changed over the years. I eat things like raw spinach and broccoli slaw.  I did eat healthfully as a kid, and I try now.

 

 

[ECM1231]

{{{@Yeah No}}} 

[nokat]

12 hours ago, Anduin said:

I stepped in something, now it's stuck in the ridges of my shoe. I tried boiling water and scrubbing brush, but what else to really get in there and dig it out?

I think it's time to buy new shoes.

[graybrown bird]

I think cheese and crackers for breakfast sounds fine, with the critical addition of COFFEE!

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

"My" crackers are Triscuit "Hint of Sea Salt" variety, which have about half the sodium and only contain: "Whole grain wheat, canola oil, sea salt"
But I usually have them as an evening snack with Muenster cheese.

In my older age I can't tolerate much flavoring, be it salt, sugar, spicy hot, etc., but then I've never had Covid either.

48 minutes ago, nokat said:

I tried Triscuits with olive oil and cracked black pepper. Very hot, and it surprised me. You also have to be a fan of olive oil, which I am.

Forgot to mention: 
Those who can tolerate the typical amount of salt can get a lot of the Triscuit flavors in the larger size box for nearly half the price. 
Unfortunately for those of us wanting less salt, those do not come in the bigger box.
Now that I've typed this, I realize that's probably because salt is a lot cheaper by weight than the few other ingredients. Pepper, for instance, weighs less than salt, and I think baked flour does too.

Recently "shrinkflation" has impacted Triscuits.
The regular size boxes are smaller, and the price is higher. 

Hrmm...If the cost of packaging goes up, would they lower the prices per ounce of the crackers? 
Just wondering.

[ECM1231]

Never cared for Triscuits, but love Wheat Thins. I don't typically buy them, however, because I could seriously eat half a box in one sitting. 🤦

[emma675]

I still miss Ranch Wheat Thins, I don't know why they stopped making them. 

[chitowngirl]

If one can have Breakfast for Dinner (a family favorite!), then the opposite can also be true! 

I accidentally bought mini Triscuits instead of the regular ones. Very dangerous! Way too easy to keep grabbing handfuls. 

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, ECM1231 said:

Never cared for Triscuits, but love Wheat Thins. I don't typically buy them, however, because I could seriously eat half a box in one sitting. 🤦

In spite of their name, Wheat Thins contain sugar, as do most crackers.

[Salacious Kitty]

43 minutes ago, chitowngirl said:

If one can have Breakfast for Dinner (a family favorite!), then the opposite can also be true! 

I accidentally bought mini Triscuits instead of the regular ones. Very dangerous! Way too easy to keep grabbing handfuls. 

So guilty! 😂

[Dimity]

3 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

I did not move near my daughter to be a burden for the next however many years/decades. My idea was to make it easier for them "when the time comes." 
I just wish I was still strong enough to babysit more.

I always used to think if the time came for me to move in with one of my children that I'd be a wonderful help to them - cooking, cleaning, babysitting, whatever.  Now that I am a little older I am beginning to realize that if the time does come that moving in with one of the children does happen it will not be because I can help them but rather so they can help me.  Bit of an eye opener, I admit!

[Jaded]

5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Thank you. I would be lying if I said I was completely over it. Like someone else here said, grieving jumps around and is often triggered by reminders. Like yesterday, when I suddenly found myself in tears at one of my Dad's favorite restaurants. Every year we used to celebrate 3 birthdays together - my Dad's, my, and my Sister in Law's, which all take place in the same week at a family owned red sauce restaurant in Yonkers, NY that we have been going to forever. Well yesterday was the day we did that. There were a a couple of years we didn't do it after Dad died and because of Covid, but we started up again last year, this time minus my Father and his good friend and helper, who died suddenly in her sleep in 2021 (she was 74).  And yes, that was another big loss on top of loss for me as I knew her for decades. Also missing is one of my best friends, another tremendous loss, who suddenly dropped out of my life in 2021 with no explanation. Another long, sorry, sad story. At least my long time BFF still comes (thank goodness).

So sorry you had to deal with all that you did regarding your Father. I remember those posts about the friend that dropped out of your life. I've had some online "friends" that I had known for years tell me I was "too much" and couldn't stand to be around me anymore. When you have a lot of shitty stuff going on at once and/or single stressful events is when people's true colors come out. It also sucks when you realize someone you thought of as a friend was really taking advantage of someone in a vulnerable state. 

The older I get the more I like cats. Cats have always been there for me in ways actual humans haven't been.

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

In spite of their name, Wheat Thins contain sugar, as do most crackers.

And a bunch of other stuff, and I don't really care for the combination.  My mom likes those, but my dad and I both skip those and opt for (of the Nabisco crackers) Triscuit.  I like the flavor, and I like the added bonus that they just have wheat, oil, and salt.  I cannot taste a difference between the regular and reduced fat versions, but my dad swears he can. 

On the flip side, Milton's "Everything" crackers have sugar and a whole bunch of other stuff, and I love those.  I generally save those for Thanksgiving and the Super Bowl, and stick with Triscuit for regular cheese and crackers snacking (I usually just have cheese by itself, but when there's a good sale on Triscuit I'll pick up a box).

[Ancaster]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

In spite of their name, Wheat Thins contain sugar, as do most crackers.

I'm not quite sure why (or how) the name of something would reflect sugar.  I don't think anyone would call Wheat Thins cookies, despite their sweetness.  As @Bastet said, most (American) crackers contain sugar, as does most processed bread, and a lot of other "savory" things, including mayonnaise and canned tomato soup.

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

In spite of their name, Wheat Thins contain sugar, as do most crackers.

22 minutes ago, Ancaster said:

I'm not quite sure why (or how) the name of something would reflect sugar. 

You're probably right.
The name "Thins" was likely just supposed to describe their shape.
I was thinking it was a marketing ploy to make people think this was a cracker they could eat and still be "thin."
— which is true, as with any cracker or cookie when eaten in moderation. 

 

 

[Ancaster]

41 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

You're probably right.
The name "Thins" was likely just supposed to describe their shape.
I was thinking it was a marketing ploy to make people think this was a cracker they could eat and still be "thin."
— which is true, as with any cracker or cookie when eaten in moderation. 

 

 

You know, that never even occurred to me!

[nokat]

Sweet Oreo Thins, I have not heard your call.  I have one left in the house crying "eat me, eat me."

[Anduin]

7 hours ago, nokat said:

I think it's time to buy new shoes.

I only got them earlier this year, and they were quite expensive.

[ECM1231]

5 hours ago, Ancaster said:

You know, that never even occurred to me!

Nor me. I just thought it was so named because the cracker is very thin.

Edited August 25 by ECM1231

[nokat]

I  picked up my new prescription pills. I've been splitting my old tablets, and they don't go down so well. I would be half choking when I took these things. Thankfully I will no longer look like that fish.

[nokat]

[shapeshifter]

 

On 8/23/2024 at 10:23 PM, Anduin said:

I stepped in something, now it's stuck in the ridges of my shoe. I tried boiling water and scrubbing brush, but what else to really get in there and dig it out?

14 hours ago, Anduin said:

I only got them earlier this year, and they were quite expensive.

Ah. Been there. Stepped in my daughter’s puppy’s poop wearing new Altra shoes. 
Fortunately I have a lot of disposable gloves left from early in the pandemic.
I think I used mostly hot water, an old toothbrush, toothpicks, and maybe some dish soap. Or was it glass cleaner? Maybe a small screwdriver too.

Edited August 25 by shapeshifter

[shapeshifter]

When I moved from the Chicago suburbs to rural Western NY, I never thought I'd miss The Container Store.

[Yeah No]

19 hours ago, Jaded said:

So sorry you had to deal with all that you did regarding your Father. I remember those posts about the friend that dropped out of your life. I've had some online "friends" that I had known for years tell me I was "too much" and couldn't stand to be around me anymore. When you have a lot of shitty stuff going on at once and/or single stressful events is when people's true colors come out. It also sucks when you realize someone you thought of as a friend was really taking advantage of someone in a vulnerable state. 

The older I get the more I like cats. Cats have always been there for me in ways actual humans haven't been.

Wow, that really stinks to be told that to your face! I've never had that happen, especially with this friend. That has to be horrible. You have my sympathies!

I think mental illness or medical issues have something to do with my friend's disappearance. I have many reasons to think this, including that she has a small brain tumor that she told me right before disappearing had started growing again (it had stopped for a few years). She had already had some issues with that and had 2 car accidents inside of 2 years, which was very unlike her. I know that in at least one accident the other party was taking her to court over it. She had been prone to seizures because of the tumor so who knows if that's what happened? She was very sketchy with me about those accidents.

We were as close as sisters for 2 decades and there was nothing we didn't share with each other (or so I thought). In the last 2 years of her being in my life she increasingly started acting out of character for her. We never had any problem that I knew of, although based on our last conversation when I told her I was sad about her withdrawal from me, she revealed a paranoia about me that was completely unfounded. She told me she hid going back with an old boyfriend from me for at least a year. She says she felt I would judge her for getting back with him because he was in an open relationship with another woman. I would never judge her for that and had supported her before with boyfriends in much worse situations, so she should have known me better than that. She twisted and misinterpreted my words when she had asked me for advice about him. So part of her avoidance of me toward the end was because of that. She hid that from me but still got together with me and talked to me on the phone for over a year.

When I think back on what she went through to hide him from me it feels really off. She never once mentioned him again or asked me to clarify my feelings on their relationship. She never gave me any opportunity to settle the issue. And we didn't always agree on everything so why she would latch onto that was beyond me. When she started seeing another old boyfriend years before that was cheating on his then girlfriend I didn't exactly approve of that but she didn't care and was open about it anyway. I was and have never been that judgmental that someone couldn't tell me about something. Even if I did say I didn't think it was the best thing for her (which I didn't) I was never that intolerant about anything she or any of my friends did. So it really hurt me that she would act that way about me. I think the only reason she finally revealed it to me was because he had died a few months before that. 

The totally odd thing is when I wish her birthday wishes on her Facebook or respond to one of her posts she always messages me back that she misses me and loves me and will "call me soon" like nothing ever happened. There's something very strange about that too. She was never a person to act that way with people. She and I had a lot in common. She is an only child, bookish, liked similar TV shows and not a BS artist (at least before this). She was a lot like many of the women on this board. So it is even more puzzling. I often think she doesn't realize that she is not being honest or that she seems like she's BS-ing me. Which is another reason to think a mental issue is involved. I know both her parents had mental issues later in life and died early. Her father had dementia in his early '70s and died soon after. She is actually 70 right now. So anything is possible.

[Yeah No]

21 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

In spite of their name, Wheat Thins contain sugar, as do most crackers.

One reason I have given up crackers completely. I give up a lot of things but it doesn't seem to help. Imagine if I didn't? I'd weigh 300 lbs. in no time.

The other thing about crackers is that unless they're not made of wheat or rice flour they are starchy carbs. that essentially turn to sugar in the body anyway. So it's sugar on top of sugar.

3 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Fortunately I have a lot of disposable gloves left from early in the pandemic.
I think I used mostly hot water, an old toothbrush, toothpicks, and maybe some dish soap. Or was it glass cleaner? Maybe a small screwdriver too.

My husband is the king of getting crud out of shoe soles. I know he's used a lot of those things before. I mentioned Goo Gone because I've had it work on sticky substances like gum and sugary foods that stick like glue. It works like a solvent for those things. You have to let it soak in for a while before using the toothbrush on the area. Dish soap that also works like a degreaser is good too. Some brands are better for that than others.

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

When I moved from the Chicago suburbs to rural Western NY, I never thought I'd miss The Container Store.

I think the Container Store closed a lot of stores like many other retail chains in the past decade or so. They are now pretty much only in major metropolitan areas. We don't have any here in CT and there are only 2 in Massachusetts and one in Rhode Island. The closest one to me is in White Plains, NY (Westchester County). That's like 1.5 hours away by car with no traffic. I hate it that so many of my favorite stores have either gone out of business altogether or closed many if not all of their brick and mortar stores.

[shapeshifter]

21 hours ago, Jaded said:

I've had some online "friends" that I had known for years tell me I was "too much" and couldn't stand to be around me anymore.…

I had a real life friend tell me something like that. 
We met at a park when we were both single mothers of a toddler, artists, lived a couple of blocks apart, had the exact same birthdays, and even resembled each other physically.
We'd been friends about a year when she asked me to babysit her kid because her babysitter had bailed. I noticed large plates full of hor d'oeuvres in the fridge, obviously for a party to which I was not invited. I asked her about it when she got home and she said that, yeah, she just thought I say the wrong things. 
I don't think we ever spoke after that.

 

[kristen111]

21 hours ago, Dimity said:

I always used to think if the time came for me to move in with one of my children that I'd be a wonderful help to them - cooking, cleaning, babysitting, whatever.  Now that I am a little older I am beginning to realize that if the time does come that moving in with one of the children does happen it will not be because I can help them but rather so they can help me.  Bit of an eye opener, I admit!

Take my advice.  I just had the bad virus that lasted over sex weeks.  I’m still not right.  My husband wasn’t feeling well either.  If it wasn’t for our Son, we would be up sheets creek. He did everything.  CVS, grocery, cleaned the house, cooked, everything I would have done, but couldn’t.  The two girls are always busy.  Doing what?  Who knows.  Live near your daughter.  Are you moving?

[kristen111]

In my last post, I meant six, not sex.  Of course, lol.

[Dimity]

2 hours ago, kristen111 said:

 Live near your daughter.  Are you moving?

No definitely not moving any time soon.  But I agree with you, if we do move it will be to be closer to our children.

[PRgal]

That Asian Parent Stories subreddit is super-toxic and I find the majority of them to be fake (unless my parents fall under the "we're going to be as mainstream as we can without losing touch with our heritage when we bring up our kids" (well, they ended up with just me, so it really should be "kid").  There are still issues/cultural differences, but not to THAT extent).  Yet, I find it really addictive.  I'm trying to not look at that one and stay focused on the general parenting subreddit, which is much more fun.  I've only had one person think I was weird to not believe that a GenXer at 52 could be a grandmother.  I didn't actually say that, but it's just not really a thing in circle.  When I'm 52, I'll be a mother to a 13 year old middle schooler!

[kristen111]

6 hours ago, Dimity said:

No definitely not moving any time soon.  But I agree with you, if we do move it will be to be closer to our children.

Sorry.  Your name was on top , but my post was meant for Shapeshifter.  It was their mistake or mine.  Anyhow, nice to meet you.

[shapeshifter]

53 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

Sorry.  Your name was on top , but my post was meant for Shapeshifter.  It was their mistake or mine.  Anyhow, nice to meet you.

I did not get the home I bid on. It's still "pending," for what that's worth.