S01.E02: Episode 2

[Tara Ariano]

A scandalous relationship between a previously ousted contestant and a crew member comes to light. Meanwhile, two new bachelors arrive in Mexico and begin soliciting dates.

[Bella]

It will be interesting to see how this franchise defines "scandalous." It could be anywhere from "it existed" to "it involved the local college's swim team (both genders) and leftover props from Cirque du Soleil."

[leighdear]

THIS is the episode I've been dying to see.  I hope it does justice to the spoilers...*LOL*

[FlyingEgret]

I just returned from a vacation where my fellow travelers were more interested in eating dinner than watching BIP. I know, I don't know how I can remain friends with them either... Anyway, I was very relieved to find Episode 1 on my DVR; because otherwise I never would have been able to fully appreciate this hot mess.

[Superpole2000]

"REENACTMENT!"

 

Of course his last name is Putz. Of course!

[bosawks]

I just returned from a vacation where my fellow travelers were more interested in eating dinner than watching BIP. I know, I don't know how I can remain friends with them either... Anyway, I was very relieved to find Episode 1 on my DVR; because otherwise I never would have been able to fully appreciate this hot mess.

Thank goodness you could watch and catch up otherwise you'd be lost all season long.....

[Armchair Critic]

Crew member: "You better talk to Chris, he's the man".  Michelle: "He's just a host". LOL and even Chris Harrison made a face after she said that.

 

Could Claire actually have some brains? Smart girl deciding to figure out Chris Bukowski for herself. I know he is kind of a douche but I love the drama he will bring.

Edited August 12, 2014 by Armchair Critic

[Rhondinella]

Heh.  Fleiss tweeted something this weekend about something going down with a "putz" but I didn't realize it was the guy's last name.  Double heh.

[Stella MD]

Ouch, Elise. That was a classic example of 'things he said' vs 'things she heard him say'. Yes, clearly he's telling you to date other people because he's afraid of the depth of the connection you have. Clearly.

[FlyingEgret]

"REENACTMENT!"

 

Of course his last name is Putz. Of course!

Has to be true if they had the REENACTMENT title card

[bosawks]

I think I just developed a cold sore watching this.

[JenE4]

28 minutes in, and it's more action-packed than any show in The History of the Bachelor Franchise. I now appreciate the wisdom of Fleiss for taking last summer off and retooling the show. This show deserves an Emmy.

[Rhondinella]

I don't think I can take Lacy's voice for one more second.  It's babyish and vocal fry all at the same time.  Ugh.

[Armchair Critic]

Did Dylan say his sign is "Scorpion"? He doesn't strike me as the brightest bulb and the evil side of me hopes it bites him in the ass blowing off the girl who likes him to date around.

[FlyingEgret]

Marcus to Lacey: You're not afraid to dive deep

Lacey: Absolutely. How was your time on the Bachelorette?

I'm guessing Marcus really didn't mean that Lacey dives deep conversationally

[Armchair Critic]

Marcus better strike while he still has hair (Elaine from Seinfeld), the wind blowing it shows how thin it is.

[bosawks]

I think Lacey is the first person to ask Marcus certain questions about his time on The Bachelorette because the rest of the people in his life are like, "DUDE YOU WEREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP!"

[leighdear]

Awww, Clare says they all need rainbows & butterflies!  That's diving deep, girl!  She's getting all the dates, too!

 

Michelle Money looks SO much prettier without all the makeup.  Younger too. I didn't like her much in Brad's season, but I like her now.

 

Clare: "I love that feeling when you get that feeling"

 

Oh my god, I am LOVING the conversations in this show!. 

Edited August 12, 2014 by leighdear

[Armchair Critic]

Did Chris call Dylan "Fat Damon"? Elise is delusional but Dylan seems like such a meat head I can't really root for either of them.

[JenE4]

Fat Damon? More like James Van Der Bleak.

[bosawks]

Knob Dylan?

[Armchair Critic]

She's getting all the dates, too!

 

 I am surprised nobody is bitching she is getting all the dates. I like Clare, and seeing the video of some of the guy contestants singing "Baby's Got Back" and Clare dancing to it made me like her more.

[leighdear]

Dylan does look a lot better with less hair flopping in his face.  But his face is square.  I'll say block head in addition to meat head.

 

And Chris "Grown-ass-man" Bukowski put his douche-bag on right on schedule....."He's Baaaack!"

 

Knob Dylan?

Ok, now my cat is hiding under the couch from my laughing at that....she says you suck...*LOL* (j/k)

Edited August 12, 2014 by leighdear

[TiredMe]

Ouch, Elise. That was a classic example of 'things he said' vs 'things she heard him say'. Yes, clearly he's telling you to date other people because he's afraid of the depth of the connection you have. Clearly.

Elise, honey, he's just not that into you! Gah!

[JenE4]

Elyse is killing me with these nonstop justifications about how they'll be together. Yes, Dylan not taking you on the date means that he loves you. Just like making out with Chris will show Dylan how much you love each other. (rolls eyes)

[Stella MD]

I have to admit, I laughed out loud at 'Fatt Damon'

[leighdear]

Poor Sarah, being a pawn in the Dylan/Elise mess.  Dylan has zero interest in her, and only asked her because he knew he had to ask somebody, and Sarah is safe. I think Sarah knew exactly what was going on, and that's sad. 

[Armchair Critic]

Sarah's vocal fry is also annoying

 

And in a shocking, new development - somebody (Ben) may not be there for the right reasons. GAH

 

Michelle Money, is this the 4th show she has been on? Maybe she is taking the space of somebody by not connecting with somebody after being on the show multiple times? Get over yourself honey.

Edited August 12, 2014 by Armchair Critic

[Stella MD]

I stand by my previous assertion that they're putting crazy sauce in the KoolAid.

When someone first joins the Bachelor family, do they sign some sort of contractual agreement that they can only date other Bachelor people? I don't get Michelle's bawling freakout about having to leave her daughter to come here for a date. Is this really the only option for 'love'? Are there no men wherever she (and her daughter) live?!?

[Roaster]

Is Ben the only person on this show with any perspective?  Why are all those women crying?  People are here for the "wrong reason"??  Hey, EVERYONE is here because they want to be on TV.  "This is not just a free vacation" one woman tearfully complained.  Yes, that's EXACTLY what it is, as well as a chance for you all to become D-level celebrities.  This is insane.

[JenE4]

Why is Michelle so hysterical over Ben having a girlfriend? No missed opportunities--no other guys went home, and he didn't know this girl when he was cast. I could understand if she thought she had a connection with Ben, but he hasn't "faked it" with anyone so chances are he'd go home this episode anyway. Follow-up question: What grown-ass man has a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle backpack?

[Roaster]

Sarah's vocal fry is also annoying

Yes, was going to mention that.  The least attractive features of all the women on this franchise, in general, are their annoying voices.

[reggiejax]

Michelle Money, is this the 4th show she has been on? Maybe she is taking the space of somebody by not connecting with somebody after being on the show multiple times? Get over yourself honey.

 

 

Shit like this is why I have never fallen under Michelle Money's spell.

 

Get over yourself honey, He came for the same reasons you did: a free vacation, to get some more airtime, a chance to make some money (I think. Is there prize to be own here?), and to have a shitload of fun, in every way imaginable. Namely, all the right reasons. 

 

And please don't bring up your kid, and how much you miss them. This is her 3rd go around in this disease ridden cauldron, at this point her kid no doubt plans all sorts of fun adventures when mommy is away getting banged by closeted douchebags. 

Edited August 12, 2014 by reggiejax

[Stella MD]

Okay, I'm just flat-out laughing at Elise's crazy cluelessness.

'If you offer me the rose, I won't accept it'

'Wait, what are you telling me?'

Honey, it's not even subtext anymore - he's about to spray you with mace.

[betha]

Marquel, you're a brave man. And dumb. What timing. 

But Michelle, that was a lot of crying for Ben if you were that interested in Marquel. 

 

 

[Roaster]

Chris Harrison thinks everyone left is sincerely looking for love!

[leighdear]

I've never been a Marquel fan, and this just shows how judgmental he really is.  I don't see any of the humor or charisma other people see.  Interesting how HE keeps getting involved in controversies.  I'm surprised Michelle gave him the rose.  He needs to take his hipster glasses & go. 

Edited August 12, 2014 by leighdear

[Armchair Critic]

LOL at the background music while Elise was giving her speech. I don't think Chris cares about being 2nd choice as long as he gets to stay.

[betha]

I can't believe how much delusion we missed out on with Elise during her season. 

Dylan, learn to be direct. 

[Roaster]

Wow, with the music during Elise's speech and the cuts to the reactions, they are really playing this for comedy.

[Armchair Critic]

Glad they are playing to the people like me who watch for the snark, not the romance

[TiredMe]

I'm so entertained yet so embarrassed by this show. Michelle definitely showed her crazy. I thought she was normal, but nope!

Hello Zach! I don't remember him looking so hot on his season. Go Claire!

As each minute passes on the show, I am worried I will spontaneously break out in a case of the crabs. Eeps

[crgirl412]

Elise is DELUSIONAL (said just like Kristen Taekman did to Aviva Drescher on the Real Housewives of New York on the Reunion Part 1)

 

Why can't can't Michelle Money just stay the hell home and do Match like every other single parent I know???  She's getting very close to resembling a Burning Love contestant. 

[leighdear]

They were playing the "Jaws" theme when Bukowski was walking up the beach.  Genius.

[KnoxForPres]

And at some point didn't they play the music from Intervention? The hell. I love it.

[KnoxForPres]

You are not alone. The absurdity of the forbidden love and jumping off balconies, complete with reenactments was hilarious. What about when Harrison was like "actually this balcony here" and they quick cut to next scene where ole Chris is now on the balcony. And then the guy in the casts named Ryan Putz P-u-t-z, Putz.

God it's all more glorious in hindsight somehow.

[JenE4]

I've never been a Marquel fan, and this just shows how judgmental he really is.

I think perceived or actual alcoholism or over drinking is a huge dealbreaker, speaking as someone whose first husband was an alcoholic and ended subsequent budding relationships when I thought the guy drank too much. If Marquel perhaps has an alcoholic parent, for instance, it's not judgmental, it's a valid issue when evaluating whether you should continue building a relationship with someone. That being said, I cringed when he brought it up minutes before the rose ceremony! Why didn't you wait until the next day when you'd get another week to then talk it through/reevaluate the relationship?! Whew! That was a close call!

Trying to decipher the meaning of Elise's soliloquy backed with deranged carousel music... But, count me among those with the WTF and OMG looks. I THINK that she was still trying to convince Dylan of their true love, but then giving the rose to Chris instead isn't the way to go. She should have sacrificed herself and said if you won't take this rose, then I won't give it to anyone else. Based on the previews, she seems to get over Dylan pretty quickly--but Chris might see where Dylan was coming from with this one. A lot of Stage 5 Clinger action coming up! I don't blame Sarah for not wanting to get in the middle of Elise's drama...yeah, Robert, no one is into either one of us, so what do you say?

[Curio]

I jumped into the episode 4 minutes late and seemed to have missed nearly all of the broken leg controversy. Damn it!

 

Dylan, when you don't have the balls to straight up tell a girl you don't like her, you don't deserve a rose. YOPO!

[KR Vermont]

BiP is pure soap opera shite. These forums keep me entertained, though. :)

[Armchair Critic]

YOPO!

 

You only (play?) once?