S03.E04: I'm Gonna Lose My Mind

[Ms.Lulu]

Olivia plans a fun day with Ethan, Moriah, Max and Micah, but an argument nearly derails it; Moriah faces a tough choice; Olivia and Micah do a sexy photo shoot; Lydia tries to practice self-control when it comes to communication with her crush.

Original airdate 09/07/21

Edited September 8, 2021 by Ms.Lulu

[Back Atcha]

Lydia has all the qualities and experience (especially that prayer closet) needed to be a nun in the 40s and 50s.   She could skip Postulance and go directly to Novice.  WOO HOO!

[TrininisaScorp]

There wasn't a lot in this week's episode, but it has cemented some opinions for me.

I think there is love and care in Ethan/Olivia, but damn if they don't need a ton of therapy to help them with discussion and conflict.  Ethan shutting down entirely multiple times this season tells me he has a lot going on (and I miss him being goofy, but I think that was hiding some pain), and Olivia can't let shit go in the moment to find a better moment to discuss her concerns/wants in a productive way.  

I enjoyed the kids at the skating rink; they seemed to be having fun, for once.  I also enjoyed Micah and Olivia doing their animal photoshoot b/c it shows that she is meshed so nicely with Ethan's siblings.  There are healthy relationships there. This whole music thing with Moriah and Olivia playing accompaniment is going to be messy (and thus, maybe producer driven).   

I think boundaries are very healthy, and Ethan/Olivia are baby stepping their way. Personally, I totally agree with Kim dropping Lydia at the head of the driveway last week and next week's thing with Isaac is another example of having boundaries that will likely not be respected. Ethan could handle picking up Isaac better; maybe he stays in the driveway, and Micah goes to get the kid at the door. That said, I don't think the parents are the main source of the moving issue.  Olivia doesn't want to be in a small town like Cairo b/c she feels stifled with the added problems of her in laws being monsters (and probably shit talking her to everyone who will listen to their self righteousness). Ethan loves small town life, doesn't care for Tallahassee, and feels comfortable in his little box of safety.  These are fair discussions to have with each other to either go their separate ways or to find compromise.  Olivia's approach and overdoing needs work and Ethan is just a shell and is so angry at everything from his childhood, but I don't think the blame lays with only them. 

Watching the older kids and now Lydia too, it has crystalized my feelings about Kim and Barry.  Kim and Barry don't take any responsibility for their actions and how they have informed their children's lives. They blame Olivia for turning the older kids to worldliness vs. thinking about how their kids may have wanted to see the world for what it has to offer and what was seen as forbidden.  Barry and Kim always saying "maybe they'll see the perspective" and "I'm sorry you feel that way" is just a way of saying "maybe they'll see where they have gone wrong" and "I'm not sorry, but sucks that you are mad" b/c in their worldview, parents are always right and must be honored.  Thus, IMO, they'll never take a step to apologize for hurting their son's wife as role models for Ethan/Olivia to apologize for their behavior b/c they don't see themselves as doing a damn thing wrong.  As a South Asian person, I actually relate to that elder power structure a bit from my own culture.  It's good to be King/Queen, but it means that Kim/Barry will turn the screws if there is any mutiny (like withholding the siblings, which is petty and mean as hell).  I remember last season's thing about the Australian ppl wanting to share cookies and it being a huge thing for Kim to give in (but you could see her DYING inside). Control seems like everything to her, and she enjoys to flaunt it, whether it is using a phone or wearing jeans while the kids have to adhere to their weird, somewhat arbitrary rules.

The more I watch, the less I understand Kim and Barry's approach.  Those little girls are hanging out the windows unsupervised, and Kim is checking her phone to spy on Lydia's texts unbothered (that may be production fucking around, but the point is made)?  The elders essentially raised the youngers (hence, the deep connections between Ethan/Lydia and Micah/Mercy)? Sugar and pants are inappropriate?  We don't let the kids deal with those "unworthy" other people's children b/c they'll be a bad influence?  Maybe if the teachings were worth anything, other people's lifestyles and perspectives wouldn't seem like such a fundamental threat. (Yes, yes..."Satan" would be their answer to all of that) I think Kim and Barry had good intentions due to their own issues with their families, but the power got to their heads and they didn't have the tools themselves to make their decisions healthy (therapy would have done both of them well).  Twenty years later, it is ultra judgement and hard rules, and things like a skating rink is a new experience when the kids are in their 20s . We don't know anything about the oldest daughter's personality (we can read between the lines that she didn't invite mom to her child being born, right?), but we do know some clear things about the next oldest children:  They are emotionally immature, and have no idea how to handle conflict.  They have significant communication problems.  They are/were very sheltered to anyone that isn't in their very narrow view of the world.  They are having to learn cultural tentpoles as adults.  They feel some anger about this and are worried about their younger siblings. 

While Micah and Moriah are "back in the fold", I personally see some distance than when the kids that lived at home. Personally, I don't think they expect much from Moriah, so a nice Christian of some kind, white boyfriend who has the EQ to be respectful is good enough.  The real test is going to be if/when Micah brings a girl home.  Even though they aren't saying, it is clear to me there is a different treatment for the boys vs. the girls and expectations. Losing Ethan, IMO, has made Kim and Barry pretend to be accepting.  Mind you, they are searching out every piece of info they can find and judging the hell out of every move Micah and Moriah are making. Maybe it isn't the right path, but if the only things they've been exposed to is the narrow bullshit Kim/Barry are hocking, they are having to build their own path by themselves to operate in the world.  And, they are going to make mistakes.  That's Moriah wearing what she wears with 100 lbs of makeup b/c that's what being a grown up in the world is about in her mind.  That's Micah modelling without many clothes and some allusion to "living it up" with women (he's attractive and probably horny af...I'm sure there is no shortage of hooking up when he started modeling). I am curious to see what happens with Lydia as she continues to grow up.   

Edited September 8, 2021 by TrininisaScorp

[Back Atcha]

TrininisaScorp...THIS IS FABULOUS!!!

[Back Atcha]

7 hours ago, TrininisaScorp said:

Kim and Barry don't take any responsibility for their actions and how they have informed their children's lives.

Isn't this ALL Kim all the time?  (You spoke of jeans.  Kim demonstrated why her girls cannot wear them--they're SO provocative.)

7 hours ago, TrininisaScorp said:

It's good to be King/Queen, but it means that Kim/Barry will turn the screws if there is any mutiny (like withholding the siblings, which is petty and mean as hell). 

• Barry is the consort...King in name only (granted by Queen Kim)
• Barry discloses only the opinions he's allowed by Queen Kim
• Barry goes to work-for-pay every day, ordered, monitored. and approved by Queen Kim
• Barry sits/moves quietly at home with a beatific (idiot? medicated?) smile
• Barry makes no waves
• Barry lives another day at The Whim of Kim

[JocelynCavanaugh]

If Olivia was ever in love with Ethan, she isn’t now. She’s inching away from him and talking a big game about him needing to decide to come along. This way, she doesn’t look like the bad one when he can’t or won’t move with her (at least in her mind). Meanwhile, she enjoys stirring up sexual tension with his much hotter little brother, then suddenly doubling back so she can pretend it was innocent. As I implied last week, she’s a sneaky snake in this little swamp, but she’s going to be a bait worm when she tries this act in the sprawling metropolis of Tallahassee. 

[charmed1]

Isn’t Barry’s job in Tallahassee?

Moriah’s boyfriend needs to lay off the PDA a little. A kiss here and there is fine, but give it a rest while you’re driving and in front of her brothers, dude.

One good thing about the Plath kids is that they do seem to genuinely love and like each other. They are obviously happy to see each other even if they don’t show physical affection with big hugs and kisses, they do light up and smile when they see each other. Contrasted with the Duggars who are so stilted and weird around each other they seem more like strangers than siblings.

 

[Pingaponga]

I'd bet a whole whack of cash that Ethan is suffering from depression. He needs a therapist, to help him work his way through his relationship with his parents and his relationship with Olivia. Couldn't they live on the outskirts of Tallahassee? Is that not an option?

[SongbirdHollow]

Moriah roller skating gives me life!

[Ms.Lulu]

45 minutes ago, SongbirdHollow said:

Moriah roller skating gives me life!

I completely agree.  She already reminds me of a colt with her long arms and legs (I admit, it could be the short short clothes).  Now I will think of a colt on skates.

Edited September 8, 2021 by Ms.Lulu

[Ziggy]

It's hard for me to watch the parts with Lydia talking about not texting this guy.  I'm just at a loss for words.  I mean, 100 texts a day is called having a conversation.  Am I wrong, or did Kim tell her she had to get to know the guy without calling and texting?  Um, how does that work?

[Ziggy]

15 hours ago, TrininisaScorp said:

I think there is love and care in Ethan/Olivia, but damn if they don't need a ton of therapy to help them with discussion and conflict.  Ethan shutting down entirely multiple times this season tells me he has a lot going on (and I miss him being goofy, but I think that was hiding some pain), and Olivia can't let shit go in the moment to find a better moment to discuss her concerns/wants in a productive way. 

You really hit the nail on the head, here.  Ethan just has no idea how to deal with conflict.  I would really like to think that a part of him knows that shutting down or leaving is only prolonging the inevitable.  It has to be so hard for Olivia to be patient when he does that.

On the other hand, Olivia does have trouble letting go.  When they were in the car and he defined success, I did understand where she was coming from.  But there are much, much better ways to respond.  In the early days of my marriage, I probably would have done just what she did.  Now, though, I probably would have teased my husband for it and he probably would say something like, "Well that's a given, so I didn't think I needed to say it."  And my guess is that's exactly what Ethan was thinking ... that he didn't know he needed to say that he saw a good marriage as part of success.  It was just assumed.

I think Olivia's feelings are completely justified and that she really is trying to not focus on them so much.  But I also think she's so tired of being patient and understanding and being shut out.  And Ethan is shutting her out ... a lot!

[Twopper]

On 9/8/2021 at 2:10 AM, TrininisaScorp said:

I don't think the parents are the main source of the moving issue. 

I think Olivia might have been willing to hang around Cairo a little longer had the the parents not moved into town.  A house with an acre or two right outside of Thomasville or slightly north of Tallahassee might be a great compromise. 

I think much of Ethan's problems are a result of his being the oldest boy at a time when the parents--especially Kim --were checked out over the death of their toddler. Pa Plath would be at work during the day and Ethan was stuck at home as the "man in the family" during the day. 

I enjoyed the skating.  I recall not skating after about age 12 and then skating 20 years later only to realize my center of gravity had changed;  it was like learning again, and I stayed in the "baby rink" for most of the time.  Kim and Barry need to lighten up and let the younger kids go skating with the older ones.

Is it just me or has Kim gained another 25 pounds since last season.  She looks huge.  Or is it because I dislike her more and more each season?

On 9/8/2021 at 9:32 AM, Back Atcha said:

Isn't this ALL Kim all the time? 

yep, I think it is to keep her from checking out again.  and probably trying to keep from blaming her for the accident.  but he may have been that was all along.  I am still not over the shock from learning he had been married before.   I wonder when they told the kids?

[gingerella]

I agree with those that have said that Ethan is suffering from serious depression. And his comment that he went to therapy once and hated it, tells me they - Olivia and Ethan - don't understand therapy at all. I hate when a show has people 'go' to therapy once and they think they're cured. It's a process, and it can be a long process that one has to commit to once you find a therapist that you jell with. Ethan probably needs some meds as well to help him climb out of his depression fog. And Olivia, I know she's mentioned therapy but it's not clear if she goes regularly, she needs to as well. They need to see someone where they can go separately and together, because they each have their own issues and those issues are affecting their relationship. It feels like the amount of nerve it took for Ethan to stand up to his parents the end of last season has left him wrecked. I feel for these kids, their parents should be arrested for child endangerment because they're really running a child farm where the prisoners are their own children. It's sick.

[b2H]

On 9/8/2021 at 3:10 AM, TrininisaScorp said:

Olivia doesn't want to be in a small town like Cairo b/c she feels stifled with the added problems of her in laws being monsters (and probably shit talking her to everyone who will listen to their self righteousness). Ethan loves small town life, doesn't care for Tallahassee, and feels comfortable in his little box of safety. 

I found myself wondering why they couldn’t compromise and move to a small town just outside of Tallahassee.  That’s what compromise looks like to me.

[lightninggirl]

Lydia's religiosity is now borderline delusional. When she was talking about "getting signs from the lord" about not talking to her "special friend," all I could think about was those individuals who committed crimes because the news anchor was sending them direct signals during the newscast. "Hearing" veiled messages from her pastor to the point where she literally confronted him, asking if he'd talked to her parents about abstaining from communicating with the dude she likes? Wow. She's afraid to disobey her parents and talk to this dude to the point where she's grasping at anything in her fundie world/bible/etc., and while it's helping her cope it's not healthy. She seems intelligent and grounded, but damn, girl. Her martyr status is getting to the point where I'm wondering if she's carrying around her own body chalk.

[SunnyBeBe]

Is there a thread for tonight’s episode?  
 

Ethan seems like an old man nearing retirement and his wife a college student heading out into the world.  ☹️

[Kdawg82]

Kim is a bad person. Period. And meatballs...FROZEN....from a BAG....from (probably) WALMART?!?!?! Jesus wept. I am no chef by a long shot but have made my share of homemade meatballs and never would I ever make frozen meatballs. There's a lot I'll make from the freezer but meatballs ain't it. And no, I'm not Italian.  Just human. Apologies to anyone who uses frozen meatballs. Nothing personal.  I just really don't like Kim. And she seems lazy AF. What does she do or eat or NOT eat to maintain her physique?

Ethan- I feel so sorry for him. He deserves to have the life he wants, working on cars and doing what makes him happy.  It's nothing destructive.  Olivia should know what pieces of crap are out there and learn appreciation and compromise with Ethan.  A city life is not for some people & rural not for others.  It's a fundamental difference that couples need to see eye to eye on before even getting married. Hell!! "What environment do you prefer living in" isn't even a distasteful first date question. It's a "getting to know you" question.  Yes- Olivia has changed and that's not the marriage Ethan signed up for. It was a bait & switch in a way. People change but you have to compromise & change together over s longer period of time. Not like 2-3 yrs into a marriage or whatever they are. 

[lightninggirl]

5 hours ago, Kdawg82 said:

Kim is a bad person. Period. And meatballs...FROZEN....from a BAG....from (probably) WALMART?!?!?! Jesus wept. I am no chef by a long shot but have made my share of homemade meatballs and never would I ever make frozen meatballs. There's a lot I'll make from the freezer but meatballs ain't it. And no, I'm not Italian.  Just human. Apologies to anyone who uses frozen meatballs. Nothing personal.  I just really don't like Kim. And she seems lazy AF. What does she do or eat or NOT eat to maintain her physique?

I personally love Trader Joe's frozen meatballs and they do come in handy, but Kim is trash. The only - and I mean ONLY - good thing I can ever say about that walking pile of crap is that her eyes are a pretty shade of blue. Everything else about her is narcissistic garbage and she should never have been able to procreate. One of her kids is dead, and the rest are suffering.

[Kiss my mutt]

Frozen meatballs are the least of my worries about Kim.