S05.E10: Couples Retreat

[snarts]

Quote

With Stravy’s return, the house is abuzz about Lindsay’s chaotic relationship. Meanwhile, Hannah and Danielle dial up their phone relationships to the next level with in-person visits from their love interests. Luke is blindsided by information about Hannah and Des before the summer. And while everyone parties on a boat to kick off the weekend, Paige starts questioning the direction of her relationship with Perry.

Airs 4/8/2021

[RedDelicious]

Oh Stradivarius. Lindsay checked out two weeks ago (and has been bonking Luke). Cut your losses and get out of there before you embarrass yourself any further. 

ETA: Omg she doesn’t even want to kiss him 🤮

Edited April 9, 2021 by RedDelicious

[bosawks]

Isn’t, “I don’t know what I’m doing right now”, Luke’s baseline?

[Mr. Miner]

The chemistry between Lindsey and Stravy is explosive 🧨🙄

[Thumper]

So maybe Paige’s bf doesn’t want to be on TV in this mess?  I don’t blame him! 😁

[bosawks]

I kind of admire Luke’s one man mission to bring the high waisted jean back for men.

It’s doomed but his dogged determination is a sight to see.

Edited April 9, 2021 by bosawks

[RedDelicious]

25 minutes ago, Mr. Miner said:

The chemistry between Lindsey and Stravy is explosive 🧨🙄

It’s about as explosive as Danielle and Robert 😬

[bosawks]

If Danielle wants to spend the rest of her life wondering if her partner is even awake this guy is perfect.

Edited April 9, 2021 by bosawks

[Thumper]

Ewww, I don’t need to know this much about Des and Hannah’s sex life.  

[snarts]

The maturity level of 45 year old Des is quite impressive, marking his territory by telling everyone (at dinner, no less) that he banged Hannah on their second date...🙄 

Run Stravy, run!  He has more chemistry with Luke. Oh well, at least he got laid. Thank you (not) for sharing the period sex details, Lindsay. 

Edited April 9, 2021 by snarts

[Mr. Miner]

The skank level of Hannah is quite impressive! 🤮

[SarahPrtr]

1 hour ago, Mr. Miner said:

The skank level of Hannah is quite impressive! 🤮

Well, in the first talking head clip she did in season 3, she said that she's "A ratchet girl from Brooklyn.", but it's like she keeps needing to prove herself to be one to everybody.  We know, Hannah.  We know.

[Marley]

Jeebus I did not need to hear Hannah and Des fucking constantly.

Amanda and Kyle are so annoying. They think they are some wise ppl. It’s not entertaining to watch.

Des is annoying. I guess he’s a comedian. He doesn’t seem that funny to me so far lol.

Ppl in the house commenting on Lindsay and Stravys relationship is annoying. I’ve been friends with ppl who have had chaotic relationships and are on and off again and drama and you just don’t say anything about it. You just let it run it’s course. It’s not like they are gonna be like omg you don’t think we are good for each other and don't think we should be together thanks for the advice we are going to break up now.

Maybe Paiges bf doesn’t wanna be on tv? I wouldn’t wanna be on tv and be filmed banging my bf. No thanks.

 

 

Edited April 9, 2021 by Marley

[swankie]

6 hours ago, Thumper said:

Ewww, I don’t need to know this much about Des and Hannah’s sex life.  

Forget them!  Maybe I'm an old fogey, but they were showing Lindsay and her guy screwing....AND SHE'S ON HER PERIOD!!!  EWWWW!!!  So, I'm new to this show (I only started watching after seeing Hannah on that show with Gizelle and Porsha), so have they always shown them fucking like that?  I know they were covered up, but even Stevie Wonder could see that they were humping.  

Edited April 9, 2021 by swankie
Punctuation

[Passing Strange]

So Hannah admits that she was the one doing the leading on. She's not just a jerk, she's a stupid jerk. Des should feel some kind of way about this, but he's just as much of a jerk, so it's probably a good match. Nobody needs to know the specifics of your sex life, jerks.

I may be naive, but I don't think Luke and Lindsay had sex. Hannah said on WWHL that she made that up and that I can believe because "I got a text from a psychic" is pretty lame. I think Luke was telling truth that he liked Stephen and I'd say he's bro enough not to mess with his friend's GF. Plus, last winter he was still hung up on the old GF, as he stopped at making out with Danielle because of it.

Danielle and Robert are the antidote for insomnia. And now we find out Danielle has Daddy issues. So that's Danielle, Ciarra, Carl, Lindsay, Hannah and Luke with issues related to parents. It's like it was a question on the application form.

Stephen didn't know they were going out for dinner so he showed up to plant candles planning to keep it secret how?

I think the show is suffering from lack of seeing the cast members in NYC, traveling from NYC and being able to host or attend events. Still, these people are such messes I continue to love the show.

7 hours ago, swankie said:

So, I'm new to this show (I only started watching after seeing Hannah on that show with Gizelle and Porsha), so have they always shown them fucking like that?  I know they were covered up, but even Stevie Wonder could see that they were humping.  

We've seen it on this show before and on Below Deck, Big Brother and I'm sure there are others. On BB we even got to see a senior jerk off under the covers. It's tacky, but I prefer it to the scenes of Hannah and Des that made me shriek "Don't get off in the hot tub, you jerks!"

 

[RedDelicious]

I have to chuckle at Amanda being all territorial about HER engagement anniversary to the man child. How many anniversaries does one get? How many different anniversaries do regular couples actually celebrate, or is this the whole every millennial thing has to be an experience? And don't blame it on the pandemic either. The extension of their engagement because of the pandemic should be considered a blessing.

[bichonblitz]

14 hours ago, snarts said:

The maturity level of 45 year old Des is quite impressive, marking his territory by telling everyone (at dinner, no less) that he banged Hannah on their second date...🙄 

I can't believe they all thought that was ok and Hannah sat there gulping her wine looking so proud she finally found someone to fuck her. Then next day the others are all driving over to the boat talking about how much they like this jerk. I don't get it. They are both annoying as hell, just as I thought they would be. Ohhhhh, let's bang in the bathroom a bunch of times, let's bang in Amanda and Kyle's bed for spite, lets bang in the hot tub! These two are seriously getting married? 

53 minutes ago, Passing Strange said:

Stephen didn't know they were going out for dinner so he showed up to plant candles planning to keep it secret how?

Also, Kyle said Stephen called him and asked him about what he thought of his plan, so why didn't Kyle tell him then? 

Edited April 9, 2021 by bichonblitz

[SarahPrtr]

26 minutes ago, RedDelicious said:

I have to chuckle at Amanda being all territorial about HER engagement anniversary to the man child. How many anniversaries does one get? How many different anniversaries do regular couples actually celebrate, or is this the whole every millennial thing has to be an experience? And don't blame it on the pandemic either. The extension of their engagement because of the pandemic should be considered a blessing.

That shit's only funny if they're making fun of it.  Like on Modern Family, Jay says "Gloria, God love her, likes to celebrate every single milestone of our relationship.  The day we met.  Our first date... which I forgot, so we got in a big fight.  Now we commemorate the big fight."

 

And stop complaining about the noise that other housemates are making.  EAR PLUGS!!!  DUHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  Like the Wirkuses complaining about it every weekend and it's not like they're things that are SO hard to get.  Go to any fricking pharmacy and get a pair.  Get ten!!  I do shift work and when I do overnighters, sleep during the day and they really help... Especially when asshole neighbours have been dragging their construction for over 20 months!!!

[Ss55]

I didn’t care for Des and he looks older than his age. They are just a skanky couple, to me. #teamluke

[bosawks]

If Luke can figure out your shenanigans your shenanigans weren't all that complex.......

[kugrrl]

Hannah’s gingham outfit was hideous. The shorts looked like a diaper. 

[RedDelicious]

I'm not sure which grossed me out more, Hannah/Des defiling every room in the house, Lindsay & Stephen's hate sex (on Lindsay's part) or Amanda gushing over Des when they all got back from the boat because it was so incredibly phony. The only thing real about that moment was Kyle in his stupor pondering (by the expression on his face) if he was in some sort of parallel universe. 

I know we're hands-off Carl because of his family tragedy, but did anyone else think he seemed torqued up over Stephen coming back and Lindsay getting intimate with him right away? He definitely had the anxiety pacing/taking a moment in the bathroom thing going on.

[jkitty]

I just thought it was funny that Kyle said Hannah was banging his dad. Kyle is closer in age to Des than Amanda. That said, I agree Des looks older than 44. He looks like a well-maintained, childless 50-53 year old to me. 
 

Hannah and Des are beyond gross.  So rude and tacky. And very “17 and my parents are out of town.”  Grow up. 

[Thumper]

5 hours ago, jkitty said:

I just thought it was funny that Kyle said Hannah was banging his dad. Kyle is closer in age to Des than Amanda. That said, I agree Des looks older than 44. He looks like a well-maintained, childless 50-53 year old to me. 
 

Hannah and Des are beyond gross.  So rude and tacky. And very “17 and my parents are out of town.”  Grow up. 

Agree.

I’m out of the loop.  What is the family tragedy with Carl? In another thread?

[SarahPrtr]

2 hours ago, Thumper said:

Agree.

I’m out of the loop.  What is the family tragedy with Carl? In another thread?

His brother died.

[Passing Strange]

11 hours ago, Thumper said:

Agree.

I’m out of the loop.  What is the family tragedy with Carl? In another thread?

S05.E5: Best Frenemies

I don't think it's Carl is off limits as much as it is Carl has been less of an asshole than most everyone else. He fooled us. In the early episodes he looked and acted better because he'd stopped drinking and we loved him. Then came the fight with Luke, where Carl showed he was as much of a jerk as ever, it just took less alcohol for it to show. He got dragged for it here and rightly so. People have been kind and understanding about his grief, but I don't think he's been getting a complete pass for his behavior.

[FozzyBear]

So Dez is gross. Right? I’m not alone here? I’m his age and he is 100% that middle aged guy who dates (not very mature) women in their 20s because he isn’t grown up enough to have anything in common with women his own age. It’s not even about having a “hot young thing” on his arm, I’m guessing he just has nothing to keep an older woman interested. There were so many red flags. Wanting to have sex all over the house! Detailing thier sexual history to people he just met! Stalking her on social media until she agreed to meet him! “I’ve never felt this way”? You’re 44, that’s not a flex anymore! He just came across as a scumbag who wants to get on the show for his comedy career. Which may be perfect for Hannah, so congratulations! She and Amanda can now compete for most ill advised engagement.

Paige’s story was interesting. I always thought that she kept Perry off the show because she didn’t want that part of her life filmed. She and Danielle stike me as the most private of the cast so I always thought Snuffleupagus Perry was her call, but I guess not. It almost sounds like Paige is learning the lesson of when you marry for money your earn every cent  early and having second thoughts about her future as a trophy wife.

Robert seemed nice. Lindsay and Stephen are going to do their thing. Luke was fine (watch out for that scary temper🙄). Carl, I’m watching you. Seems you might still be a shit so we’ll see. Cierra is keeping classy San Diego and I support her in her efforts to cash a Bravo check without selling her soul. 

 

[SarahPrtr]

59 minutes ago, FozzyBear said:

So Dez is gross. Right? I’m not alone here? I’m his age and he is 100% that middle aged guy who dates (not very mature) women in their 20s because he isn’t grown up enough to have anything in common with women his own age. It’s not even about having a “hot young thing” on his arm, I’m guessing he just has nothing to keep an older woman interested. There were so many red flags. Wanting to have sex all over the house! Detailing thier sexual history to people he just met! Stalking her on social media until she agreed to meet him! “I’ve never felt this way”? You’re 44, that’s not a flex anymore! He just came across as a scumbag who wants to get on the show for his comedy career. Which may be perfect for Hannah, so congratulations! She and Amanda can now compete for most ill advised engagement.

^^^^ Everything you said ^^^

 

Hannah and Des.  Yeah, that's a marriage that will last.  Not.  The shit Des says is not funny and cute on an 18-year-old, let alone a 44-year-old!!  Discretion!!!  You could never trust him.  Yes, he's gross.  He's that loser who airs out sexual exploits because he wants to seem cool and hip and impress people around him.  Pathetic.  I want to beat him up and steal his lunch money.

 

Kyle does look surprisingly good for someone who's been drunk for half of his life.  He could pass for a 30-year-old.  But that might change in an instant and he will end up looking like George Hamilton with all of the outdoor boozing he has done.

 

59 minutes ago, FozzyBear said:

Paige’s story was interesting. I always thought that she kept Perry off the show because she didn’t want that part of her life filmed. She and Danielle stike me as the most private of the cast so I always thought Snuffleupagus Perry was her call, but I guess not. It almost sounds like Paige is learning the lesson of when you marry for money your earn every cent  early and having second thoughts about her future as a trophy wife.

It's like Gabrielle from Desperate Housewives when she said "Carlos, I didn't marry you just so that I could have dinner by myself 6 nights a week!  Do you know how bored I was today??  I came this |--| close to cleaning the house!"

 

But Paige didn't need to be on the show.  Bravo didn't give her a contract to be on the show indefinitely when she signed on in season 3.  Why exactly is she on the show this season, exactly???  Just for that extra bit of money?  It's not worth it to be feeling miserable and lonely all summer.  If he wanted to come, he would.  Men find ways to see the women they love, even if the woman says no.  This is a terrible example, but look at Stephen.  Lindsay shit all over her birthday dinner, got abusive, broke it off with him and he still came back.  Okay, maybe he had other intentions, but my point is, Perry would come if he wanted to.  He's smart not to, though. 

 

 

[gwen747]

Des looks like he's a long-lost Kennedy family relation. 

[FlyingEgret]

Does Hannah really believe she's emotionally intelligent? Even compared to the other knuckleheads in the group I would have to say she's mistaken...

[FozzyBear]

39 minutes ago, FlyingEgret said:

Does Hannah really believe she's emotionally intelligent? Even compared to the other knuckleheads in the group I would have to say she's mistaken...

I actually laughed out loud when she said that. However, I do think it’s true that she finally found a guy to match her emotional intelligence...

[SarahPrtr]

Does Hannah play tennis?  She does??  Wow, really?  I keep forgetting, because she's only been mentioning it on every single episode since she's been on the show.

[bichonblitz]

I can't believe Des has a career in stand up comedy. Umm...you're not funny, bro. And neither is your sidekick chick Hannah that also thinks she's a comic. I would love to be a fly on the wall when they are on stage being funny. 

[TheCouchPotato]

Ewww, I feel like I need a bath after watching Hannah and her grandad. I would be pissed if anyone had sex in my bathroom; I don’t even like people using it for its purpose. 

[SarahPrtr]

2 hours ago, TheCouchPotato said:

Ewww, I feel like I need a bath after watching Hannah and her grandad. I would be pissed if anyone had sex in my bathroom; I don’t even like people using it for its purpose. 

Should be like how it is in Pleasantville.  The stalls are just blank with floor tiles, no toilet.