Toaster Strudel

What all women agreed on: Colt is a tool. A massive (literally), antagonistic, and witless tool. He managed to make every woman on the set seethe with rage and contemplate murder. What everyone agreed on: Eyerolls when Mother Einstein speaks, do the body good.

I need help from her too, I have a ground breaking project involving sticking bobby pins in electrical sockets.

The slot machine should be the only thing she asks. Imagine how many people around the world would watch her take a sledgehammer to it.

They both hate women with the fire of 10,000 volcanoes, but also hate that they lust after them, and depend on them, for sexual gratification.

Here's what really happened. For years, Karen heard the saying "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" and had no idea what the cryptic idiom meant. If a wit like Karen couldn't figure it out, what chance did the rest of us ever have? So she gave this a lot of thought. She thought about it before going to sleep at night. Alone while drinking coffee. When stuck at a red light. While looking out the window on rainy days. Then it dawned on her. Of course. It should have been obvious, but there's no shame in that, since Einstein himself was involved. The man whose theory of gravity revolutionized agriculture; orchards were never the same. It turns out, one cannot make sense of the idiom unless intimately acquainted with the perplexing and mind-bending concept of gravity, and few are outside of the hallowed halls of academia. After all, helium balloons go up, the Road Runner can remain suspended, rake handles hit your forehead when you step on the tines, and magnets move sideways. But apples, it seems, have a rather direct downward trajectory (known as a vector) from the branch whence they came from to the ground where they land with a thud. We ought to be grateful for the blessing she bestowed on us by explaining the historical context and science behind the idiom. I only wish the producers had let her use the powerpoint presentation she had prepared and enhanced with only the best clipart that Google image search has to offer. Last night, Karen shed some long awaited light on an enigma that combined the realms of physics, plant husbandry and language. She tried to vulgarize it to bring it down to a level that we could comprehend and she was prodigiously successful at it, as anyone who stayed awake could testify. With confidence, I can now announce that with respect to her idiot daughter Chantel, one could say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Laura & Aladin: Going Downtown for Dummies

Same could be said of Mo... but speed is the essence, they'll hook up with the fastest, most committed idiot.

Never mind her age, I want to know her height.

Oh great, another pit mauling statistic on the horizon. I knew Laura was trash when I saw her choice of dog breed, and now we hear one of them is a zero-error monster. Then she ditched that responsibility on her son to chase foreign dick. Niiiiiice. I wish we knew more about all those failed relationships in Laura's past whose breakdown Liam attributed to Laura's temper. Is it her temper or shitty decision-making?

I'm starting the countdown for Trashley to beg ICE to return him to her loving arms. 3, 2, 1....

This is very biggee differencee.

So she's not modeling, but re-modeling? I can do that too!

This show has like 500 different spin offs! I can't keep up!

No kidding, he needs buckets of butthurt cream every time he sees someone do something nice for someone else. It's like a personal slight to him. His infantile "pain" seems to run deep like he's holding back tears of frustration and anger.

Colt was packing her stuff and announcing prices like $30!!! $50!!!! and another $30!!!! to drill the point home to the viewers that Larissa has extravagant tastes. It backfired. 🧐

Imagine how big the lies were for this fat psycho slob to land a model.

Colt did own up to the fact that Debbie called the police that third time because they were merely arguing. That is beyond the pale and Judge Judy would blow her top if she heard such an outrageous abuse of police services and the legal system in her courtroom. Debbie was hellbent on pushing out Colt's sexwife. She used the police as a tool to speed up her personal agenda. I'll never forget what Colt's Friendly HVAC cousin suggested that he do. He told Colt he should bang Larissa ragged for 89 days, and ship her back to Brazil unmarried. He did marry her... but Debbie and Colt want to rage-deport her now.

I don't know who the source is for all that Larissa trash-talk that makes Colt and Debbie look like innocent victims but I don't buy it.

I can't believe they all fell for Trashley's melodramatic "Stage 3" kidney failure bullshit. It's an asymptomatic stage. If she does have lupus, her kidney function may rise and fall.

Me when anyone asked me if they could hold my baby:

There never was any room for Larissa to fit in.

Lovers.

Ah, just a bunch of filthy low-class liars having an internet cat fight bringing up puss funk and sugar daddies to cover up for an uneducated tatter with a penchant for public toilet humping. HARD PASS

Sumit said he quit his job "for" Jenny. To find a suitable apartment, towel-dry her hair... uh uh, sure. The moment he tried to paint it as quitting for her benefit, all the red flags slipped up every mast and I knew that he intends to live off her.

That's what makes me so furious. People with real disabilities who benefit from having an animal helper worked hard to get certain privileges, and now it's all being de-legitimized by selfish assholes you put froufrou dresses on their untrained "service cocker spaniels" and want to bring them on planes at no extra charge.