Toaster Strudel

Her Albanian boyfriend can't leave.

And she texts this when the flight is arriving rather than before it departs! Then she stops answering him. He's alone eating the edible panties and "pouch."

HAHAHA It looks like she cancelled her reservation and cashed in, and he believes her that her flight was cancelled!

ALL the litigants in the Divine case looked like they walked out of a John Waters movie.

I will boycott Pillow Talk - I'm not watching Colt and Debbie. I'm DONE!

Well here's a huge red flag!

Oh great, they've ruined Pillow Talk. I will not watch.

Some sleuthing folks on Instagram have uncovered that Tom's pictures are stolen from other accounts. The lifestyle he presented was not his. He lives with his parents and is not the Lothario he claims to be.

I can't wait to find out why that is!

How can a woman watch her boyfriend ask to see her friend's titties, and still hope to get a proposal the first time they meet?

That fridge is perfectly clean and completely empty.

The men "helping" Kriny by sending her money are probably not... disinterested.

The Ferrari Douche has an ex-wife with Debbie-like qualities. She is cray. She still thinks he's her family. He likes Colombians because of their family values. Uh? Like Pao's? Where do guys get these ideas? I have to cut him some slack because he's still involved with his ex-wife's daughter and she thinks the world of him. Jennifer sure knows how to work her angles, talking to him with her head sideways and looking at him with one seductive eye. Douche was willing to pay for the privilege in the form of a $500 dress. Douche's moral code, by his own admission, is that you have to go all out to please hot chicks. But average chicks... they can be had on the cheap and with minimal effort. Kinda like what Zied is doing with Rebecca.

Darcey's James Bond. After reading the illiterate and unimaginative text conversations between all the other fools, I was pleasantly surprised that James Bond is able to write at senior high school level. How refreshing! He is a smoker... gross. By involving her daughters in conversations about her love life, she is modeling for them behaviors that they might very imitate unconsciously. She's clearly Jessematized and on the rebound. "Let's not talk about Jesse so much" said James, who probably never brings up Jesse. The injection appointment was fascinating. They were like grotesque, bloated gargoyles after the treatment. Stacey especially looked like she'd been punched in the face, or in the middle of an anaphylactic reaction. Darcey's upper lip overhung her lower lip like Daffy Duck.

Still-married Rebecca is a head on collision of two runaway, no-brakes freight trains, one transporting dumpster fires, and the other, airline fuel and hot garbage. First, there's the juvenile furry fox snapchat filters with the chipmunk voice, how old is this venerable beldam? Almost 50? Second, there's the full makeup regimen before each trivial, say-nothing chat session, and a ring light. This is how insecure she is. When she started to tear up over, I kid you not, an overabundance of lazy emojis as evidence of sincere love, I had to pause, get up and pace in disbelief for 5 minutes. Most people are over this developmental stage by the time they turn 4. "I can tell he really means it" - you can tell he really means a row of 25 repeated emojis? Please, Sharp Entertainment, have mercy on me. And when she walked down the hallway of framed collages of her snapchat filters and his blow up avatars I completely lost it. She's a freaking obsessed stalker. Then she grabbed a mug with his picture on it. There was nothing left for me to do than to stand on my head and spit wooden nickels. Alas! There was to be more bad news in the form of her Rasputin look-alike boyfriend reciting tired old love clichés with the halted, monotone delivery of a mortician. "I lahve yuuu muuhhhhhhhhhRRRRRRR. Yoh a' mahne!" Serious question, was he trolling her? Of course he told her that age doesn't matter. WAIT WHAT ~UTURN~ She did a K1 with a Moroccan guy who looks in his early twenties, if failed, and she's doing it again? "I know I've done this before but it's different this time." How? Is it the right amount of emojis, moron? I CAN'T!!!!!! This is too much train wreck even for me! Is it me or is all she does is put GPS trackers under everything that moves for a living? Her kids look furious and disgusted, like I imagine all viewers do too. They are completely exasperated and done with her romantic delusion BS. Rebecca got really testy receiving even a small dose of reality. "DON'T SAY THAT" - she barked, like Andrei grabbing Libby's phone. Why did she wait so long to divorce her Jay-aged scamming Moroccan? I want to know.

Oh! The perils of yearning for a relationship with someone way above your pay grade in the looks department, and needing to rummage through the beauties in poorer countries in order to do so. Ceasar is a few croutons short of a salad. He's totally into her looks. He sees himself walking down the street with her and being the envy of every other man, her presence inflating his status in society. They never met (as long as she can help it, this will remain true for eternity), and she calls him "my husband" to make it obvious she's scamming him but he refuses to see this. He is completely bogged down and paralyzed with the sunk cost fallacy. He's poor; $800 extra a month (probably more, he's embarrassed to admit the real amount) would go a long way for him. Wanna bet that "Maria" isn't clipping coupons in Ukraine? She sure doesn't want him to show up in Ukraine. He'd be in control. He'd be showing up on her turf. He wouldn't cancel. Under the guise of Ukraine being "too cold" she demands to meet at a resort in Mexico while Ceasar tries to compute how many coupons he'll have to use to make it happen. He trusts her; he re-assures her; he tells not to worry, he'll come through for her. He's trying to be her most humble and perfect servant for her. Then he begs his skeptical boss for money. The guy doesn't believe she'll show up but he loans him the money. Ceasar is going to be rubbing feet and pressing mails 'til Kingdom comes to pay him back. He sends her the money, and tells him that she can no longer leave Ukraine for vague bullshit reasons. Her tone is angry, condescending, and guilt-inducing. She even tells him that he only cares about himself, which makes him cry in front of the cameras, because he let her scam him of so much money for so long, how can she call him selfish? That's what happens when you allow yourself to believe that some silicon, kiss-blowing barbie in Ukraine wants to marry into your coupon-cutting, bicycle-riding lifestyle, is keeping her legs together saving herself for you. Perhaps she rather live off the $800/month, which "goes a long way in Ukraine?"

I will begin the roasting with Avery, a freshly baked Muslim with a still uncooked center. Normally, I would dismiss the fears that she might join ISIS as irrational, borderline racist poppycock from her family members. But after watching the whole segments, I'm utterly convinced that she has the perfect combination of traits that would make her an easy and enthusiastic recruit for the next terrorist cell or organized crime enterprise that half-ass try to lure her. Or a hostage. She's absolutely daft enough for this. Romanticizing living in a war-torn country, lacking any forethought or planning, and longing for an iron rule upon her life, she's a perfect mark. For some reason she seems to crave the tight swaddle of authoritarian structure. Well... she does, for now. It's the flavor of the moment. Did she yearn for the Muslim faith, or to surrender her daily decision making in a misguided search for utopia? "Something to keep me in line and on the right path" were her exact words. To this end, she now adheres to a rigid set of instructions of what to eat, how to dress, when to pray, etc. No dating in Islam! No kissing before marriage! She tried to cajole her family into learning Arabic - a preposterous request. They may learn a few words for fun, but it's not her business to make this request. "You guys can deal with what I do," she hisses to her family, as she is keeping secret that he already proposed and she is flying to Lebanon to marry him and move to Syria. Why is her mother indulging her recklessness by accompanying her to Lebanon? Since Avery needs structure so much, why not give her what she needs and coerce her to wait a 5 year cool off period before marrying this guy? He proposed without meeting her, a huge red flag she refuses to reckon. I eyerolled pretty hard at the "King & Queen" texts. People really fall for this nonsense? She was really gobbling it up.

She posted baby pictures on IG weeks ago, no?

I doubt LIE-da flew anywhere on Baraboo-Eric's budget. She might be repeating some stuff Deavan told her.

I doubt that he is. He is responsible to refund the government if she requires government assistance. Apparently it's rarely enforced. I bet she already is. That's why she wants Rooos to come and save her from child care, even though she can't stand his breathing. Maybe she'll beat Colt to a murder charge, who knows?

So apparently Alladin deleted all their pictures on IG and vagueposted about respect. He's done!

I don't believe a word of this. It probably comes from Colt who lied about how much he paid for the wedding ring by a factor of 10.

Re-reading that post... it's like I was reading all their minds and seeing the fufure LOL.

This information wasn't his to reveal. It was incredibly malicious and scheming; wicked even. Imagine, after how well his own father was received by Libby's family, to sabotage her relationship with her own father. Her father who is also her employer, and indirectly, the person who puts bread on his table, and his child's. He's sabotaging his family's financial future, and his extended family's peace and harmony lashing out with destructive jealousy. He only thinks of the thrill he gets from it in the moment, he has no foresight whatsoever. He's a reactive ball of tightly wound antisocial personality disorder. Libby didn't flinch because she's grown accustomed to it, and slowly adopting his pathological, antisocial, "always the aggrieved party" world view.

She's already had a child with Ronald. She's in for a lifetime of hurt with this guy.