Muffyn

Ding, ding, ding! I think you've hit the nail on the head. This season is boring with Theresa trying to act like a victim and martyr, Mel and Joe Go dialing back the vitriol, and the twins and Dina adding all of the excitement of paint drying. Jim has people talking, even if all of that talk is about what a total assclown he is. They are probably hoping people will tune in to see if he is as bad as people are saying.

In white collar criminal federal cases, it is much more common that a surrender date is negotiated. The person can surrender at the sentencing, especially if they are fairly certain of what it will be or if it has also been negotiated in the plea deal. It is also not uncommon to have a very long delay in federal proceedings when dealing with financial crimes. A friend's colleague is going to prison for three months for insider trading, a crime he committed six years ago. There was a lot of back and forth not only working out the sentencing but more so for the amount of retribution payments. While the Giudices' lawyers may be delaying getting materials to the court to drag things out (speculation only, I can't really say), the court may also be requesting additional documentation, which would make sense given their finances may be as straightforward as untangling a big ole bowl of spaghetti (with or without homemade sauce).

Perhaps Terry was slacking on his delegation duties? After all, there is so much delegation in a homestead that large (give me a moment while I fight back the tears over the glory of their dual staircases) that Heather could not be expected to handle it all on her own. She needed delegation assistance.

Korina's coat seems like a vest to me. Given that it doesn't close and is very long, I found myself humming "And then came Maude . . . ."

It reminds me of the ad for the place that buys used and broken cell phones. The woman say something along the lines of "It's like I send them my cell phone and they send me money" as if she's astonished by the thought that they did what they said they would do. What a crazy world we live in when we can sell goods for money. Perhaps she's used to bartering for goods or simply steals things because she can't figure out how this whole money for goods thing works. (Or she used to things being delivered through a bottle placed in the ocean and allowed to float away with the hope that it will someday get to the intended recipient - much like the person in The Honest Company ad).

I believe they are taking the ever so mature tactic of "friends are people who hate the same people". Rather than looking for ways in which they enjoy each other's company and the traits they admire, they bond over making someone else an outsider and the butt of their jokes. Junior High is calling.

It as a night of fuckery, incredibly boring fuckery. Gia breaking down after being subjected to the extreme fuckery of her mother taking phone calls about her court case on camera. This is just so sad and so wrong. Who exploits their children this way? The Giudices, that’s who! Dina’s past life explanations – was she hit in the head as a child? Yet more fuckery, although this is self-inflicted. Dear Dina, you are not that special of a snowflake. Get over yourself. The screechfest at Dina’s – aaaarrrrrgh! I tried to watch it multiple times and finally gave up. I did realize Dina and I were probably, at some point, sharing the same look of what is this fuckery? There is not enough STFU in the world for the twins with their nails on a chalkboard voices. Amber, Amber, Amber. From her opening salvo of damn near begging Theresa to open up to her and break down about her court case to the ridiculous pulling Theresa aside at Dina’s to discuss, at length, why they shouldn’t bring up the Santa rumors, she has well overplayed her hand. I am going to venture she has spent the last several years of her life not just watching as much reality TV as she could, but studying it in detail, trying to figure out how to make herself important to the story by shoving herself into every storyline and creating drama whenever possible. I swear, if one of the show’s veterans needs a colonoscopy, Amber's face will be the first thing the doctor sees when he puts in the camera. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when the brain trust that is Theresa Giudice can see through your machinations, you are a moron. So much ill-conceived fuckery.

Which makes him a TwAT?

I have a moderate to severe case of not giving a moderate to severe fuck about anyone's moderate to severe case of anything.

When Theresa Giudice thinks you're overly dramatic and ridiculous, you are so far above and beyond normal behavior that you should simply be locked away with your chinless douchebag of a husband. Okay? Hey, did you know, Amber had the cancer!

When Amanda said she was going to make a jumpsuit, I thought it would have wide legs and look more like a split skirt. I cannot imagine someone wearing a skintight jumpsuit to a gala. Was she thinking of the MTV video awards? It made no sense with her jewelry. The organza overlay was ridiculous. I think they gave her credit for sewing the organza rather than designing that POS look. The praise for this look reminded me of when the bright green neoprene dress with the big splash of dye won – the designer put it together in about an hour out of desperation. This was another crazy Nina like it moment. Samantha’s dress seemed like something that the people who hand the awards to the winners at a major award show would wear. At the Oscars, the women who carry the statuettes on stage usually wear simple, dark evening gowns that are very classic but plain. Being formal, they don’t look out of place on the stage. Being plain, they don’t outshine the award recipients or presenters. I wonder if the watch and ring that Samantha had was supposed to go with one of the pairs of earrings from which Char got to choose. I’m rocking my watch and ring because I plan to keep my hand in front of my face on the runway. (Just saw your post, sleepyjean, and I think you may be right. Char was lucky she didn’t get a Seymour Butts necklace). Whenever I see Korina and Amanada together I think they should mash their faces together. Korina’s large chin could fill in for Amanda’s lack of a chin. I’ll let myself out . . . .

If she moved over to Million Dollar Listing, they would have to rename it Zero Dollar Listing. Trailer Park Travails? Rat Trapped with Tamra?

Who serves tequila all day and then busts out a mechanical bull and expects that no one will vomit? Heather was lucky that the only nastiness coming out of people's mouths was stupidity. Then again, she did wear a dress to a party that she was throwing that had a mechanical bull. Perhaps she's not as smart as think she is.

To me Shannon did seem very scared and fragile early in the season. She was an easy target for the more vicious of the howives (yes, I'm thinking of that angry racoon, Tamra). I agree with your assessment. Her passive aggressive behavior toward her husband was very extreme but it also might be the only way she could figure out how to express herself as their communication got worse and worse. Doesn't excuse it but it explains it. This doesn't mean she cannot be snobbish sometimes. We've seen examples. Although hers seems to be more snobbishness brought on by not understanding there are other ways that people live rather than trying to always prove she is better than everyone else (Heather). I could understand her balking at the room at Vicki's condo based on learning that Michael was going to have to sleep on the couch. Her reaction based on it being small was snobbish. I always chose to stay at a hotel; I have to be very careful how I sleep because of some injuries. Then again, I make these plans in advance and graciously reject offers to stay with people. I assume this whole set up was production chimps at work. The overall level of fear and uneasiness she shows also makes sense in terms of her apparent hypochondria and need to see a "healer" all the time. She is trying for a physical fix to a psychological issue - all the crystals in the world aren't going to help with that. Shannon, having grown up with money, has nothing to prove on that account. The Douchebrows are constantly trying to prove they are better than others. So are you saying your lawn should get off your lawn? I'll shake my fist at the sky for you.

I had a big problem with Korina's style. This beauty came to mind. http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25000000/Missi-Pyle-as-Fran-in-Dodgeball-A-True-Underdog-Story-missi-pyle-25072338-1360-768.jpg

I gladly accept this nomination on behalf of all of the excessive TV watchers, those willing to risk their sanity by watching endless hours of real housewives shows and those willing to risk their vision by staring directly at Tamra Judge and those who can nevertheless enjoy the pure brilliance that is Arrested Development.

The problem with protecting the image of the "star" of Botched is Terry does himself in every time he does a pre-surgical breast exam and goes back and strokes the woman's breast after the exam is over (the man really likes those foobs) or does his usual mediocre surgery. He is a hack but he is willing to do any snarky talking head they want.

Tamrat Judge: Rodent in a Weave. That's how I'm thinking of her from now on. Well played! She and Vicki are very much the same when it comes to their children. They want their children to love their mothers and make everything about them. They do not really care about their children other than how it reflects on them. Vicki is a little better, although it may just be that her kids are older so she and Donn did not have custody issues. Hosebeast Tamra is using her children as a weapon against her ex and trying to use them to shore up her position on a reality show,. Unless we end up with a Buster Bluth situation, I suspect her kids may well pull a Michael and disengage once they are of age.

I appreciated what a good job Shannon did of making Tamra and Heather look like morons at the reunion, but I just can't with her and the healer. What a load of crap. I hate when this particular kind of idiot gets featured on a show because then more people will fall for these charlatans. Shannon has just been lucky her children have not had any major illnesses where she wasted time taking them for muscle testing. I suspect she drags them to him whenever they sneeze, so it's pretty easy for them to feel better in a day or two. Didn't she say she sees him two to three times a week? I'll take that money and do some good with it.

Now you've done it. I will have Viva Viagra in my head for hours. Hours!!!!! Must watch penis pump commercial with the guy with the bad dentures saying "If you have a brain in your head" to get the Viagra ads out of my mind. And how long has that burger been sitting there congealing? Unless you know the person is always punctual and nothing else could happen on their way to the house (i.e., they live next door) who would leave fast food sitting in the bag getting cold and nastier. Everything about that ad makes me stabby.

A new disease, prostate dysphoria - when the race of the prostate does not match the person's race, most common among non-Asian men who have Asian prostates. I hear Super Beta Prostate can cure this. Unless of course you're Asian and have prostate of a different race. Super Beta Prostate is only prepared for Asian-prostate dysphoria.

Aren't they Bu-Jews? It is very common in some areas of California for people to consider themselves Buddhist. It's a US version of Buddhism that tends to become whatever the person wants it to be. I personally know Bu-Jews, Bu-Christians and Bu-Atheists. More and more people are creating their own ideas of spirituality. Yes, Shannon started the talk about the health of her marriage, by the way she treated David in front of others, the complaints she made about him not wanting to spend time with her and ultimately telling Tamrat about the email. Tamra then, under the guise of being nice/asking Heather to be kinder to Shannon, ramped up the drama and turned it into David asking for a divorce. Proving that her intentions were not good, she and Heather then made fun of Shannon. So Shannon was ultimately responsible for putting the issue out there. Tamra and Heather did their best to make sure it went from issue to Dramah!!!!! Of course, if they could keep their frozen mugs in the most dramatic scenes, all the better. RHOC is a viper pit.

At least in this case when they blame Ryan's up-bringing, we can all look at Tamra and say, "Yeah. I go fucking nuts too!"

Between the horrible editing and the horrible job Andy does at these reunions, we are all left of playing a bizarre game trying to piece together what actually happened both during the season and at the reunion. Danielle/Cousin Oliver disappeared somewhere into the night, taking her rarely seen husband with her. It seems like she may have done a good job keeping not-as-bright-as-she'd-like-us-to-believe Lizzy riled up over petty BS. But whatever really happened was lost on the editing room floor. Then the reunion shows a focus on total BS again, with most of Tamra's crazy edited out. Oh sure, we got some quality shrieking (THAT'S MY O-PI-NION!) and even real tears (Lizzie hasn't turned herself into an over botoxed freak yet), but none of makes any sense, even within the puerile reactions that make up the housewives universe. This season reminds me of when people play the game in which one person starts a story and each person adds another line. Only, in this case, they didn't always hear the preceding section. Tamra's face made me think of Arrested Development and the creation of the new horror film character based on drunken Gangee after her facelift. Move over Freddy Krueger, Tamra Judge is here! Ryan is sporting a look to move to a cabin out in the woods (or a van down by the river as stated above) and spout crazy survivalist theories. With his girlfriend's ample gun supply, he could really set himself up nicely. Items needed: One crappy cabin completely off the grid; several dozen assault weapons; shotguns for greeting people who stumble upon his humble abode; thousands of rounds of ammunition; good axes - he's got some building to do; plastic barrels for collecting rainwater; and, of course, small nuts and seeds for feeding the family of squirrels that resides in his beard. His other option is to learn to tattoo and become a contestant on ink master. They keep bringing on inktestants with overgrown red beards. With his hideous visage and questionable social skills, he would fit right in. The 'roids are just the icing on the cake.

Saw the Hooters ad about a thousand times too many while catching the Simpsons marathon. While I certainly understand that there are many people who enjoy going to Hooters and who may even feel it makes their enjoyment of "the game" better, I absolutely do not believe that having women in tight baby tees and short shorts helps my "beer stay colder" as promised in the ad. That is unless the Hooters waitresses have taken to wearing ice packs strapped to themselves so that whenever they lean in or brush by the table they are helping chill the beer. Or have their hearts frozen into blocks of ice from spending their working hours deflecting the advances of customers? Have they become soulless from hawking wings with a side order of cleavage thereby rendering them ice cold? Unless any of these are true, I'm going to say the beer temperature is not affected by the waitresses (although if you're getting an erection from watching them, they might be helping the beer get warmer if you're holding it too near your crotch).