MarkySnark

When Jimmy got out of the car to talk to the three chuckleheads at the end, I noticed that his track suit was just like Steve Austin's in the Six Million Dollar Man. When he started running away, I half expected to it to be in slow motion with the cha-cha-cha-cha sound. I am probably just old, but I am going to give Gilligan props for a wardrobe shout-out to my favorite show as a youngster.

Not only is Kevin Rayburn the dumbest person on the planet, but now he has produced a child. That poor child had no chance at all.

Mykelti was raised by Christine, who believes that everyone outside their little religious bubble is "dangerous" or "unsafe." That is what probably brings on Mykelti's need to be protected. She's been told from Day 1 that outsiders want to break up her family and thus always needs to feel protected.

To MzLiz, that was my thought exactly. Kate will think she sexed her boyfriend to death because this show believes that fat people should be shamed. If a box of cookies is opened, even though the family has two skinny boys who are just as likely to have opened it, it must be the fat girl that did it, even though her tummy hurts because of appendicitis. But mommy, who believes daddy is holding their parenting down to a nine, says fat girl has a tummy ache because of eating cookies while daddy, the one holding them back, mind you, actually feels her head and says she is warm. Perfect mommy just figures fatty ate too much. Then, when Kate is grown, mommy asks if she did this horrible thing to her. You know, made her fat. Would she be asking if she was at fault if Kate was thin and had some sort cancer? No, because apparently being fat is worse than having cancer. On this show, the skinny folks can do whatever they want. Sex it up with whomever is around (Kevin), eat brownies laced with pot (Beth and William), drink hallucinogenic smoothies (Randall), marry a dead spouse's best friend (Rebecca). But be overweight and have sex (Kate and Toby) and one of you is going to die. Nice message, show. And from all of us fatties out there, go fuck yourself.

Best moment of the episode for me... Someone asks what scallops are and smug-ass Jessa, thinking she knows more than everyone, says they are like onions. No, honey. You are thinking of shallots, not scallops. She just said it like she was so sure of herself that I almost pissed myself trying not to laugh out loud because Mrs. Snark won't let me make fun of the Duggars.

When they were all trying to describe hip-hop, I was totally expecting one of them to whisper... "It's the devil's music." You know it's what they were all thinking because they've been taught that anything that doesn't originate from the TTH is the devil's work and is to be avoided at all costs.

I think that, for the Browns' situation, it's OK for Aspyn to move back onto the compound because she is still in school and, therefore, still able to be claimed as a tax deduction. Mykelti, on the other hand, is no longer a student and serves no financial purpose at home. Instead, KoDouche offers her up to the pawn shop owner he owes money to so she can work off the family debt. Mykelti, in turn, flips KoDouche the bird and says "Fuck this. I'm marrying the first guy that comes around."

Kody was positively giddy about the thought that Baby Sister might be born at the end of December. "That way, you don't have to pay for her the whole year, but you get the tax deduction for the whole year." Which is probably the REAL reason why the divorce from Meri and the legal marriage to Robyn. Meri has only Mariah as a tax deduction. Now that Robyn's kids are officially adopted by Kody, there are five tax deductions. Bleed that beast, baby.

Few things about Meri here. Just watched the episode where she explained her involvement with this "evil person." Not one mention from either herself or from any one of the rest of the Browns that Meri's intention in this whole matter was to cheat on Kody. If, like they claim, they are still "spiritually" married, Meri's intention, before she found out this "man" was a woman, was to meet up with him and have a relationship. And yet, Meri refuses to accept responsibility for that decision. It's all this "evil person's" fault. No honey. You wanted some strange. You got caught. That's why you are pissed off. Also, in Meri's defense now, if the marriage to Robyn is "paper-only" and was done solely for the purpose of adopting the kids, why wouldn't they just do the same for Meri now, since the adoptions have gone through? She obviously feels rejected by the family. Maybe having that paper license with her name on it would make her feel like a bigger part of the family. But, not even a mention of that from anyone. That's because there's no way in Hell that Robyn is giving up that No. 1 status of "legal wife," even though they claim it means nothing.

Four words... Prom Night Dumpster Baby

I liked this character better when his name was Josey Wales.

So... correct me if I am wrong because I binged and may have the timeline screwed up, but something's screwy. Suzanne goes batshit crazy and beats another inmate within an inch of her life and is somehow able to be among the general population as if nothing happened. Lolly, meanwhile, is innocently sitting in a box, holding a potato, thinking she's going to go back in time and is put in the psych ward, albeit she did admit she killed a guy weeks before. It seems to me that Suzanne should have been placed in the SHU or Psych after her physical altercation, even though the guards practically forced her to do it. I guess this is to illustrate the total and complete ineptitude and disregard of human decency of the new guards and, by extension, MCC. To me, that's too much of a stretch. It's not like Broom Closet Girl was a universally-hated inmate that everyone knew was in need of a beatdown. I guess the only explanation can be if they sent Suzanne to the SHU or Psych, the guards would have to explain why the fight happened and they would get in trouble. I guess I will have to hope that someone will slock the hell out of the guard that started it. He makes Pornstache look like a model employee.

Let me put this show in perspective. Poppy from Frasier is the SMART ONE in this family.

When Brad Garrett was running through the woods, I was kind of hoping that a bull would be loose from a farm and gore him in the ass. Oops, sorry. Upper thigh.

I really wish they would have had Gacy dress up as Twisty the Clown from Freak Show. Would have been a nice call-out to the only decent character from last season. I guess maybe Murphy wants to forget all about that season, too.

I think Rino was telling Jim to take his hands out of his pockets because he thinks it makes him (Rino) look like he's mobbed up. In The Godfather, Michael had Enzo the Baker put his hand in his pocket outside the hospital to make it seem like he had a gun. Rino thinks that if people think that he's mobbed up, it will give him and his restaurant some street cred.

I think this family would have been better off if Robert had just been more like Dewey Cox's dad and kept telling Danny, "Wrong kid died!!"

Yes. JimBoob believes that every elderly person should have access to an office chair with wheels.

Noticed that they didn't show Ray's hands when he was at Frank's door at the end. I wonder if he is wearing his gloves of doom that he wore to beat up the reporter and Dr. Noah Drake.

That ring is so ugly I wouldn't be surprised if they had it special ordered from My Sister Wife's Closet. Wouldn't that be a special pairing? Have the KoDouche Brown clan travel to Arkansas so they can visit the Duggars and do a Celebrity Wife (Wives?) swap. Hilarity ensues.

Has anyone seen Andy Samberg & Co.'s HBO mockumentary "7 Days in Hell"? They absolutely nailed it. It would be awesome if they could give True Detective the same treatment, and call it "Who the Fuck is Stan?"

Every time Colin Farrell's kid is on the screen, I keep waiting for him to ask Collin, "Do you want me to make you some sandwiches?" like the kid in Bad Santa.

No sighting of this series' biggest breakout star - the personal trainers Dirk Diggler-like appendage.

Better Call Stan?

Between the opening singer (young Kurt Russell) and the mayor's wife (Courtney Love), I thought this episode was a game of "Spot the Celebrity Impersonator." Also, since Frank seems to be a much better street thug than he is a money manager, maybe the crime organization should let Mayor Drunken Snidely Whiplash run the business end of things and have Frank be his main enforcer.