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The GCEh?C: Canadian Episodes (Spoilers for Non-Canadians)


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(edited)
38 minutes ago, HeatLifer said:

So Billy spends the morning flirting with Vic and calling her beautiful then ends his afternoon flirting with Phyllis and calling her beautiful. And this is the dude Phyllis basically ended her marriage for. I hope she has to walk on a sprained ankle.

Billy did more than that though. He literally spent the entire morning badgering Victoria. He was rubbing her face (he did it like 4 times) and called her beautiful. She was uncomfortable and walked away. Then she saw the Brash and Sassy samples. He tried to get her to talk to him about that. She changed the subject and then he was all about trying to get her to tell him who she was fucking. It was wild. She said no and he was like, "I am banging a waitress but she means nothing, so now your turn. Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" No wonder she was left. He looked confused when she said he was ruining the progress they made. Billy clearly still loves and wants Victoria. He has been attached to her since this grand speech about "love" which makes me question who he was REALLY talking about. 

Edited by TwistedSoul7
  • Love 10
7 minutes ago, TwistedSoul7 said:

He has been attached to her since this grand speech about "love" which makes me question who he was REALLY talking about. 

The writing is absolutely atrocious. Is Billy supposed to be conflicted now? The severe, sharp turns his character takes from day-to-day is laughable.

  • Love 8
(edited)

The writing is atrocious.

But I think he's supposed to be confused rather than conflicted. He gets more aggressive with Phyllis every time Victoria shuts him down. The whole stalker thing started after Victoria had him served with the custody arrangement and he realized she is moving on. Before that he was all "we were hot" with Phyllis but when she said we're done he said "fine, ok."

I didn't watch the "declaration of love" to Phyllis -- in front of Jack -- but on another board they were suggesting he was talking about both Victoria and Phyllis. I'm starting to think they were right. He's got it muddled in his head. Add to that his desire for revenge on Jack and he's even more confused. Maybe he really does have a brain injury. RME.

Edited by miamama
  • Love 9

A brain injury would explain everything.

I dunno. I personally thought it was obvious Billy was talking about Phyllis in that scene with Jack. He was describing their situation and was looking directly at her. And Phyllis was talking about her feelings when she was giving her POV about "Victoria."

Regardless, that scene is an example of how extreme and OTT they write Billy. The inconsistency is more offensive than his offensive behavior.

  • Love 9
(edited)
Quote

Regardless, that scene is an example of how extreme and OTT they write Billy. The inconsistency is more offensive than his offensive behavior.

This is true. Just. I'm very offended by his behaviour. And calling himself a "man slut"? He was making declarations to Phyllis as though he were the hero in a Harlequin Romance. He was banging Bethany and seeing Phyllis's face. So what was that? LMS? Lovesick teenager? Sure. But not man slut.

The character is a clusterfuck.

Edited by miamama
  • Love 11
1 hour ago, babyhouseman said:

I'm sure she didn't call 911 after she ran over Cricket and Paul. Calling 911 means true love. 

HAHAHA!!!   GREAT post!  Love means never having to say you're Billy.

Good episode in virtually everything that wasn't grubbed up by Keebler ButtBiscuit or Dummer and Der Babaloo.  Jill, Nikki, Esther, there's gold in them thar vets.  Decently written and very well acted.  Jill's smackdown of Hillary, classic Jill with just a wee drop of Katherine tossed in.  Nikki calling Summer out on her bad behavior, not enough but more than we've ever seen  before from anyone in her family.  Noah argues with her but always defaults to her eventually.   Nikki actually called her out for being hurtful.  

Where's Noah when you need him?  His backing up skills are something I'd like to see him exercise again, before any ambulance gets there.

Keebler ButtBiscuit really shouldn't try to swagger.  He just looks like he really needs to pee.  Inviting Phyllis to go on a bike ride around the park on his motorcycle - was that supposed to be a Marlon Brando kind of sexy, because it read to me as a Barney Fife kind of delusional.  Give that man a badge!

He's portraying Billy as the kind of guy everyone in town would secretly and not so secretly be laughing at, the guy pushing 40 who still feels inadequate because he was always picked last in Red Rover, Red Rover, send ButtBiscuit over.  

But the ladies who lunch, they were all marvelous today!

  • Love 12
37 minutes ago, HeatLifer said:

I dunno. I personally thought it was obvious Billy was talking about Phyllis in that scene with Jack. He was describing their situation and was looking directly at her. And Phyllis was talking about her feelings when she was giving her POV about "Victoria."

I think he was talking out both sides his mouth.

He was talking to Phyllis about her and to Jack about Victoria. Since that episode all he has done is protect Victoria. Spend time with Victoria. Flirt with Victoria. I think Billy will say and do just about anything to get what he desires in that moment whether it is authentic or not.

That is who he is these days.

  • Love 6
12 minutes ago, miamama said:

This is true. Just. I'm very offended by his behaviour. And calling himself a "man slut"? He was making declarations to Phyllis as though he were the hero in a Harlequin Romance. He was banging Bethany and seeing Phyllis's face. So what was that? LMS? Lovesick teenager? Sure. But not man slut.

The character is a clusterfuck.

He legit makes NO sense. He went from full-LMS ("I can't live without you!" "You'll be my everything!" "I love her and I know she loves me!") to good ol flirty, snarky, dad and ex-husband of the year in the span of a WEEK.

  • Love 5

Nikki looked marvellous. Loved seeing Jill. 

I really really like Hilary. I feel sorry for Devon. BH seems like a sweet, normal guy. I wish they'd write something for him that doesn't involve him being a leading man. I think he might actually have been a good choice for Summer. Just background young summer love story. Making him a billionaire who does nothing was such a mistake. It only highlighted what an eternal little boy he is.

I have to say, KSJ was pretty good today. I saw some depth in his acting I don't usually see.

If Bethany is going to be crazy, they cast her well. She looks bonkers. Interesting that Jill made it clear NEVERBilly is in love with his ex wife. Yeah, Bethany is so going to fuck with Philly. 

Gah. NEVERBilly stroking Victoria's face and wanting to play truth or dare about the people they're fucking who don't matter. What a charmer. RME.

  • Love 9
54 minutes ago, miamama said:

Gah. NEVERBilly stroking Victoria's face and wanting to play truth or dare about the people they're fucking who don't matter. What a charmer. RME.

I LOL'd when he said he wasn't looking for a relationship. Again, this is a few days after he practically proposed to Phyllis.

And Phyllis acting like Jack is the one cheating on her is bananas.

This storyline is at epic levels of WHAT!?

  • Love 6

Summer wants Luca to move in already? She's so stupid.

Phyllis calls 911 and runs away? How did Jack get the call already when Billy is still on the road with the bike on top of him? Did Phyllis also give the 911 dispatcher Billy's name and say to call Jack Abbott? LOL  

Everytime Jack has a public event for his foundation Phyllis is always off with Billy and not with her husband. I think she and Billy is going to push Jack off the wagon.

  • Love 7
13 hours ago, boes said:

Jill with just a wee drop of Katherine tossed in.

This is what I was getting at in an earlier post.  Jill needs to slip on Catherine's queenly robes (and red fingernails and rings).  Show needs this, if only to bring to the screen everything Preverts are saying. When Jeanne Cooper died I thought that Jill would take her place-it seemed like a natural transition to me.  Imagine my dismay (and resulting refusal to watch the show) when they went right past her to Devon (still don't buy his heritage) and then on to NonononoBilly.  JFP had to rub it in publicly at the reading of the will-ignoring the history of Catherine's and Jill's relationship and pretty much kicking her off the show.  This isn't just bad writing-it's a sociopathic vendetta.  #bringonthevets

 

13 hours ago, TwistedSoul7 said:

I think Billy will say and do just about anything to get what he desires in that moment whether it is authentic or not.

That is who he is these days.

It's who Billy always was-but everybody knew this about him so they didn't give him anything to do (with Jabot, family matters) without close supervision.  Old Billy would never have gotten any money out of Jack, been allowed to re-do the mansion or steal/buy a company like B&S.  He did things on his own like win a restaurant (that he fucked up), marriage to a Newman (that he fucked up), kill his kid (ultimate fuckup).  This version of Billy is like an Equal Opportunity nightmare.  We have to 'give him a chance' or he's not getting a fair deal.  News Flash:  the viewers aren't getting anything near a fair deal.

Question for Preverts:  When Billy moved into Murphy's trailer (in one of those "I'm on my own" snits) did he have a bike?  I vaguely remember the handlebars of a Harley showing in the carport.  Possibly a symbol of his break from the corporate world of his family?

 

11 hours ago, HeatLifer said:

This storyline is at epic levels of WHAT!?

uhh, bullsh*t?

  • Love 10
(edited)

You know, with both Billy & Phyllis as closed head injury survivors, they could have an informative PSA on the behavioral problems & after effects of head trauma. They could partially write themselves out of this failed story about Billy & Phyllis. But that would take researching head trauma, accurately writing about it etc. Prattfail doesn't have it in him.

It wasn't mentioned today but the Gabe/Adam /Constance murder storyline has so many legal flaws that even one who's only legal degree comes from Forensic Files can see them! Once Dickoless brought the diary to the police demanding his brother be arrested, Sage was public property. Once the police exhumed Constance to arrest Adam, he has equal rights to forensic evidence. And who was the creep following Gabe & Sage when they were "married"? Wasn't he the executor, not Sage or Nick? Nick wouldn't have anything to do with it. And if the diary was true, Sage was at least an accessory to the murder.

Edited by Thumper82003
Spelling
  • Love 7

Ah, the brain tumor: the last resort of writers who have realized they've written themselves into a hole and they can't get out of it.  That said, considering we're talking about an eight-year-old who tried to commit murder, I'm a little inclined to let it slide.  Tie it back to the car accident that killed Jenna and we're good.

Having read that same recap, though, I'm kind of flipping out in that we're also apparently getting Meredith seducing Victor.  GAAAAH.

  • Love 6
20 minutes ago, mariah23 said:

I read Soap She Knows recap-the writers decided to use the old brain tumor to absolve Max of his crimes.  Typical.

Maybe someone should check the lead levels in the water in GC. It seems a tad excessive for so many people who all know each other to have brain tumors. Of course it would explain a lot about the personalities and decision making abilities of the denizens of this berg.

  • Love 10
(edited)

I cannot get over the levels of contrived shit we're seeing. First Phyllis wanders away from this big foundation event to sit in the park where Billy apparently regularly wanders with his bike helmet (and are we to believe Phyllis wasn't wearing one or that he had an extra on him? If so, where is it? In the gas station bathroom trash?). Then we are to believe Phyllis in her stilettos and strappy very light fabric outfit only got a scratch on her chest when a motorcycle crashed? Her one bruise/scratch is conveniently below the fabric of her outfit and yet the fabric -- did I mention it looked very light and flimsy? -- did not tear. But Billy with a helmet and full clothing and jacket was knocked out and appears from pics to have bruises on his face (despite having a shield on his helmet).

Then she runs off and cleans up and arrives just in time to shake her head so Billy -- who just awoke from an unconscious state -- has the presence of mind to see her and come up with a lie. Then Phyllis is stoooopid enough to personally go to Bethany and pay her off. It would have been easier to let Bethany say I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. Billy knocked his head for the zillionth time. Maybe he was confused. Who is going to investigate this?

And why are they lying? Yes Jack will be pissed and suspicious but what is Phyllis's endgame? Jack is not blind like Neil was. Phyllis is not dependent on him financially. He's a nice guy. He won't come after her like Victor would. Billy has no fucks to give about his brother. Why not just end the marriage if Billy is so important to you?

Because then we have no story which will now include blackmail and more secrets. Jill is supposed to "catch a flight." This means she'll show up at Billy's house when he leasts expects it -- where Phyllis will be and catch them doing or saying something they shouldn't be. And then more secrets and lies.

And it's all so badly written I can't...

Edited by miamama
  • Love 14
(edited)

Phyllis clearly has a concussion. She SCREWED Billy and has the audacity to try to guilt-trip Victoria to take him back? And then outing her own affair...for no reason? Alrighty then.

Quote

And why are they lying? Yes Jack will be pissed and suspicious but what is Phyllis's endgame?

In all her convos with Billy, has she ever once said she's in love with Jack? Or is this all so she doesn't "tear apart the family"? Because if it's the latter, the affair is nothing compared to Billy STILL not giving a single fuck about his own brother. And at this point, Phyllis looks like she's covering her own ass than protecting Jack, as she's making out with Billy in public, etc.

Edited by HeatLifer
  • Love 4

I either don't watch or half watch Philly scenes so I don't know if she's ever said she's in love with Jack to Billy. When I have watched it's "don't want to tear this family apart" or "Jack has been good to me and this is how I repay him" or "We are selfish and this is a mistake". 

Who cares about "the family"? Certainly not the woman fucking two brothers and being married to one of them. And Billy, who hates his brother more than he hates anyone on earth apparently, cannot muster up one fuck about Jack, so what family is she protecting?

This story gets more stupid every day. Amazingly. No one's motivations are clear. I generally try to go by spoilers put out by show or what Pratt says he intends rather than what's on screen (because the writing is so fucking bad). He described Phyllis's decision to go on that fateful bike ride as her being pulled into something reckless because she's bored with her life. The bike ride representing this reckless thing she's drawn to -- and presumably she and Billy share this (hence his idiotic speech about not needing to live up to expectations while on his bike -- as though Billy has ever been anything but an irresponsible loser). Leaving aside how absurd this is after the year Phyllis has had and the trauma she's claimed, I'm not reading any genuine feeling for Billy into it. 

Also some spoilers said Phyllis "makes a decision about her marriage" in today's Canadian. I guess the coverup is choosing her marriage?

And who does Billy want? Victoria? He did for two days.

But then they throw in shit like Victoria saying she "feels something's changed and Billy has moved on" (after he was basically all over her hours earlier clearly very much into her) or this Bethany who has spent a few hours fucking Billy who just knows he's not hung up on his ex wife, but rather someone else. RME. 

It's truly trash writing. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Soaps usually telegraph. This is shit being thrown at a wall.

  • Love 10
(edited)
1 hour ago, miamama said:

But then they throw in shit like Victoria saying she "feels something's changed and Billy has moved on" (after he was basically all over her hours earlier clearly very much into her) or this Bethany who has spent a few hours fucking Billy who just knows he's not hung up on his ex wife, but rather someone else. RME.

I was very confused watching this. Billy seemed very concerned to me when Victoria got annoyed an left. He seemed to try and stop her but she stormed out. Jack and Jill read him the riot act and all he could say was, "Victoria doesn't care and she does not want me" or whatever he said. Still interesting how he has yet to say he does not want her. He wants Phyllis, sure, but never has uttered he doesn't also want Victoria.

Now Bethany not thinking he wants Victoria but wants Phyllis was an obvious plot point for this blatant blackmail set up. No way would Phyllis reveal herself like that and open herself up to be played by this woman. $10K? Yeah right. Phyllis just showed her hand. It will be $10K the first lie. Then another to keep it going. Welcome to a little thing called extortion. 

Another thing that stood out was Billy explaining to them how he rides because he feels free from the burdens of his life. That just about sums everything he does up. He just looking for a damn thrill. 

Max has a tumor? Talk about a cop out. Meredith fucked Victor? Ew. Why the hell is Travis so mad? The woman he sleeps with is rich? So what?!

Edited by TwistedSoul7
  • Love 3
Quote

I was very confused watching this. Billy seemed very concerned to me when Victoria got annoyed an left. He seemed to try and stop her but she stormed out. Jack and Jill read him the riot act and all he could say was, "Victoria doesn't care and is not want me" or whatever he said. Still interesting how he has yet to say he does not want her. He wants Phyllis, sure, but never has uttered he doesn't also want want Victoria.

And Victoria knew about this woman so why did she flip out? I suppose we are to read her reaction as jealousy. (Because she also flipped out when he told her about Bethany that morning .) She has also said "you don't love me" to Billy not that long ago in a sulk fight. She goes there. And he goes there. It's really ridiculous for people their age with all this history between them to be like this. RME. 

Phyllis with her "you can't believe anything Billy says" and stating he's trying to fill this void in him but nothing can except Victoria. That struck me as some explanation for his ridiculous declarations to Phyllis. But then because it's Pratt, Victoria had to make her "I feel that he's moved on" comment so we can drag Philly out into July sweeps.

Quote

Another thing that stood out was Billy explaining to them how he rides because he fees free from the burdens of his life. That just about sums everything he does up. He just looking for a damn thrill. 

Yes. And Jack pointed out the "thrill ends and here you are in a hospital bed." So that ride was the metaphor for Philly. (Which Pratt pretty much stated in the latest SOD or SID). They both are seduced by this wild ride (free of obligation etc.) and are unwilling to face the disaster that awaits when the "thrill" ends. 

God help me. Is this making sense to me now???

  • Love 4
10 minutes ago, miamama said:

And Victoria knew about this woman so why did she flip out? I suppose we are to read her reaction as jealousy. (Because she also flipped out when he told her about Bethany that morning .) She has also said "you don't love me" to Billy not that long ago in a sulk fight. She goes there. And he goes there. It's really ridiculous for people their age with all this history between them to be like this. RME. 

I think she was annoyed because he was so pushy on her a few hours prior. He made a big stink about how the waitress was nothing so that meant she could tell him who she was all sex addicted too. Then she leaves him and he was in a wreck with said waitress? She has no right to be annoyed but she loves the idiot and can't help it. 

You are right that they are too old for this shit. They have been together almost a damn decade. I get why their families think their love is made of gold or some nonsense. They are the worst exes I have ever seen. Even divorced they still all up in each other's lives. Probably the main reason Phyllis keep trying to push him away. She likes the thrill but she knows better than to ruin her life because Billy is having a meltdown.

  • Love 4

Phyllis with her "you can't believe anything Billy says" and stating he's trying to fill this void in him but nothing can except Victoria. That struck me as some explanation for his ridiculous declarations to Phyllis. But then because it's Pratt, Victoria had to make her "I feel that he's moved on" comment so we can drag Philly out into July sweeps.

Phyllis was being so damn manipulative in that scene to me. She's trying to use Victoria so she has some other reason to stay away from Billy and Billy away from her. Apparently being married isn't enough.

And I can't believe how much both Phyllis and Billy are making Jack and Victoria look like absolute fools. 

  • Love 4
Quote

I either don't watch or half watch Philly scenes so I don't know if she's ever said she's in love with Jack to Billy. When I have watched it's "don't want to tear this family apart" or "Jack has been good to me and this is how I repay him" or "We are selfish and this is a mistake". 

how soon before the "see no evil" monkeys re-emerge and this time it's billy she gives one to instead of dick.

  • Love 3
9 hours ago, HeatLifer said:

 

Phyllis was being so damn manipulative in that scene to me. She's trying to use Victoria so she has some other reason to stay away from Billy and Billy away from her. Apparently being married isn't enough.

And I can't believe how much both Phyllis and Billy are making Jack and Victoria look like absolute fools. 

Yes I see this. But I took it differently (primarily because I had read Pratt's "reckless ride" analogy). At one point before they went into Billy's room, Jack said to Phyllis: "I so wish you and I had been able to get through to Billy and stop him from doing something reckless or dangerous" or something to this effect. Phyllis looked guilty because of course SHE is being reckless and dangerous WITH him. So it seemed like a possible light bulb moment for her. Because I felt like GT delivered her lines to Victoria with heart rather than the bitchy tones she does. She seemed to get that he's full of shit with what he says and does (i.e. stalking her and declaring his love etc.) because he's trying to fill the hole left by Victoria and his family unit. It was Victoria's "he has moved on" that made Phyllis pause. But that's been established as well. Victoria gets pissed and sulky and declares she and Billy are done every week. Then she admits she still loves him and can't really move on. Whatever.

Also Phyllis stupidly running over to Bethany and offering $10-grand to make sure she's not outed drove the point home that she is determined to halt this destructive path at whatever cost. It is not to say she will end it. I expect her to be "no no yes yes" slobbering all over Billy in a day or so.

We have a month before July sweeps after all.

  • Love 7
(edited)

Who exactly did Sharon Case piss off so badly for Sharon Newman - (or is her last name now OldOakTreeStump, I can never remember) - make one bad decision after another, to do things that will pretty guarantee the whole town will be howling for her head once again.  

I didn't even SEE her obstructing the Adam story coming.  That one got right by me.

Dick(olas) sure has a banana up his butt since Ol' Hammertoes bit off her last nail, railing against anyone disturbing Constance or Sage's bodies.  First I heard anyone mention wanting Sage's remains dug up, unless Nick is desperate for one last romp....it's almost as if he's emulating Dad, but in reverse.....  He just needs something new and shiny, then Adam can exhumed Constance to his hearts content.

So did the new doc buy Victor's sad dad routine?  Will he be another of his conquests?  

Edited by boes
  • Love 6

I can't watch Sharon any more. Sometimes I do to see Baby Cutie or Mariah but otherwise it's too horrible. Show has turned her into a one trick pony. She has no perspective. She just plays that one-note pod person you can't sympathize with because she's making such stupid choices. This "Dylan will suffer" thing is so weak I can't even. And I fear it's gone on so long there's no saving her. I remember when they had her switch the paternity test and then lie about it all after Phyllis went into a coma. I didn't think it could get worse. sigh.

  • Love 9
8 hours ago, HeatLifer said:

Lawd, now Jack has to sit there like an idiot and act like it's normal that some random chick says Billy can't stop talking about Phyllis. SIGH.

Right? How many MORE months does PB get to play clueless while GT and JT get meaty story hiding secrets and scheming and lusting. 

  • Love 8
11 hours ago, miamama said:

I can't watch Sharon any more. Sometimes I do to see Baby Cutie or Mariah but otherwise it's too horrible. Show has turned her into a one trick pony. She has no perspective. She just plays that one-note pod person you can't sympathize with because she's making such stupid choices. This "Dylan will suffer" thing is so weak I can't even. And I fear it's gone on so long there's no saving her. I remember when they had her switch the paternity test and then lie about it all after Phyllis went into a coma. I didn't think it could get worse. sigh.

LOLOL  i sometimes look at celebrity dirty laundry (don't judge) and let out a huge guffaw when i read the newest headline...i have often joked that it will come out that sharon is the one who forged herb's diary and now at dirty laundry, it is their headline and victor blackmailed her into it..this is the headline they are using:

 

The Young and the Restless (Y&R) Spoilers: Sharon Behind Sage Journal Forgery, Blackmailed Into Doing Victor’s Dirty Work?

i SWEAR i was just joking when i made the comments...

  • Love 5
Just now, valleycliffe said:

LOLOL  i sometimes look at celebrity dirty laundry (don't judge) and let out a huge guffaw when i read the newest headline...i have often joked that it will come out that sharon is the one who forged herb's diary and now at dirty laundry, it is their headline and victor blackmailed her into it..this is the headline they are using:

 

The Young and the Restless (Y&R) Spoilers: Sharon Behind Sage Journal Forgery, Blackmailed Into Doing Victor’s Dirty Work?

i SWEAR i was just joking when i made the comments...

Gah. I was thinking: wasn't crazy Dr. A - in a vengeance plot against the dastardly Newmans and Nick - the bad guy in this story? So how is Sharon left holding the bag? It's fucking stupid.

I also notice the same people cheering on the lying cheating hateful (murderous, DNA-switching) Phyllis describe Sharon as a horrible human being. And this speaks to the lack of perspective Sharon gets as a character. She's become a plot device while characters like Phyllis are written as leading, fully fleshed out characters. 

That's why I won't watch Sharon. It's just straight up garbage.

  • Love 6

Another episode of Jack is a dumb dumb.

God it's stupid, boring, nonsensical and ENDLESS.

Billy sulky that Phyllis wants to protect Jack, his brother FFS. And more double talk about the "woman Billy loves."

How was this stupid as fuck story greenlighted?

Love MEK. So much. He is just so great with Ashley. But he's on a few times a month, if that. 

  • Love 11

Another episode of Jack is a dumb dumb.

Another episode of LMS acting like he's being cheated on.

Another episode of Phyllis defending LMS to Jack's face.

Another episode where TPTB try to convince us that Philly have some great history and love over Phack.

Another episode of everyone talking about Billy non-stop.

You know what would be nice? If Bethany started to get to know Jack and WANT to tell him. Hell, if ANY character gave a damn about Jack himself and not what he needs to do for Billy.

I'm so over The Young and the Billy.

  • Love 16
7 hours ago, HeatLifer said:

 

Another episode of LMS acting like he's being cheated on.

Another episode of Phyllis defending LMS to Jack's face.

Another episode where TPTB try to convince us that Philly have some great history and love over Phack.

Another episode of everyone talking about Billy non-stop.

You know what would be nice? If Bethany started to get to know Jack and WANT to tell him. Hell, if ANY character gave a damn about Jack himself and not what he needs to do for Billy.

I'm so over The Young and the Billy.

THIS. 

  • Love 1

I remember the pure hell Jack endured with Kelly and his brief sojourn on a tropical human trafficking cruise; he was so determined to reunite with the faithless dumpster humper. A baseball bat to the head, heavy drugs, a possible sexual assault, waking up next to a bloody corpse, and one exploding boat later, we discover that we can't possibly begin to understand true suffering until we've walked a mile in a Buttbiscuit's boots.

Do any of us know what it's like to not be handed a few million dollars in investment money when we've whined and pouted so vigorously for it? Has a starving child in Africa felt the gnawing emptiness left in the wake of a departing software program? Does the homeless veteran know his own good fortune that he's able to warm his hands over a trash can fire when others are denied the cozy heat found under their sister-in-law's clothes? There's undoubtedly an innocent man on death row today who'd weep at the true injustice of being blamed for shitty business decisions you actually made. That inmate might enjoy his last meal and think "I might die wrongly, but by God at least my brother kissed my ass while I mocked him to his face!" Bet those final bites of mashed potato were all the sweeter. A kicked dog's pain is temporary; the agony of having your mother read your decorating sensibilities for filth leaves an oozing sore on the soul that never heals. Funeral parlor blue is a straight up aphrodisiac, but when the woman who gave birth to you rains on your sex parade and you can only shag two chicks in the same week? Makes a person ponder why we waste time and resources on poverty and disease and climate change when mansluts need our most valiant efforts. 

The Buttbiscuit struggle is real. I thank Chuck Pratt for calling my attention to it and hope he soon gets plenty of free time to devote to the existential dilemma of our times. 

  • Love 17

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