S05.E02: Week 2: Part 1

[OnceSane]

Quote

The drama begins as a noncommittal single returns from his date with a former flame and unwanted confrontation awaits him back on the beach. Meanwhile, the next date card goes to a professional wrestler who steals one lively lady away.

[leighdear]

So are we going to hear from Bibiana's ovaries or her Fallopian tubes tonight?  Which gynecological Magic 8-Ball is going to be evaluating the dudes for suitability on this episode?  She should pick Colton, since his genitals aren't involved in anything, and won't interrupt hers when they're making their decisions.  

At least we'll get to see Kenny on a date. 

Edited August 13, 2018 by leighdear

[leighdear]

Why is Chris appointing himself the date guru, that gets to decide who dates who?  He needs to STFU.  

Yeah, I can't stand Chris.  At all. In any capacity. 

[CindyBee]

Oh this goose gang attack is just too much.   

And why do they care if Tia is making a fool of herself!??!

[Armchair Critic]

"I just told Becca I love her I can't jump right back in with Tia".... then why did you bother going on BIP? 

[leighdear]

I will say Colton is pretty.  But he is one of the most stupid individuals I've ever seen on this show.  And those beaches have seen a LOT of stupid people.  

[Armchair Critic]

Just now, leighdear said:

I will say Colton is pretty.  But he is one of the most stupid individuals I've ever seen on this show.  And those beaches have seen a LOT of stupid people. 

Was it on here that somebody said he was the love child of Tom Brady and Gronk? heeheeee

[CindyBee]

Colton's desire for TV time and to be the next Bachelor is making him look pathetic. 

But I have to admit, I'm enjoying watching the Goose gang being all up in arms about his attentions.    Like a bunch of jr high girls

[dizzyd]

Omg, these guys are ridiculous. I actually sided with Colton in that dumb dispute. I can't believe that sentence came out of me ?

[Armchair Critic]

LOL at the "Goose" doing Karate Kid moves and the sad music and guys mocking him.

[leighdear]

Where did the whole "goose" thing come from with Chris?  I missed it....

[Armchair Critic]

Let Annaliese figure out Jordan herself, David needs to chill out.

[CindyBee]

2 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Where did the whole "goose" thing come from with Chris?  I missed it....

In his opening piece last week, he says he's not a bad guy but a good guy and somehow he's relating to a goose.  You see him feeding some and then riding in a big inflated one in a pool.

[leighdear]

And why do people say "I have a pit in my stomach" to mean a bad feeling?  It's IN the PIT of your stomach, you don't have a PIT in it. 

Why do people say that?  

And Annalese has a bad uptalk and a gigantic forehead.  She needs bangs.  

[TomGirl]

4 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

In his opening piece last week, he says he's not a bad guy but a good guy and somehow he's relating to a goose.  You see him feeding some and then riding in a big inflated one in a pool.

Except those looked like swans to me, not geese.

[Armchair Critic]

Yuki.....oh yay...NOT

[saber5055]

3 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Why do people say that?  

You have to ask that about this bunch? Bwha ha ha, surely you are joking. (And I just called you Shirley.)

I'm liking Jordan, and I never thought I would be saying that. He actually looks good, his hair works well in that humid environment and his non-date was sweet. Plus he asked Annalise about herself without turning the convo back on himself *coughBeccacough* and was interested in and reacting to what SHE said. Holy smokes!

Meanwhile, David continues his official role as Asshat Tool.

So Yuki knows how to mix drinks ordered in English? Alrighty then.

[CindyBee]

Yuki on screen means reaching for the mute button for me.   

[leighdear]

Krystal looks good without a lot of makeup.  But NO WAY she knew what Lucha Libre was before they got there.  

[saber5055]

KENNY ROCKS! That wrestling date was HEE-larious. Loved it. Finally, something about this show I love.

[dizzyd]

Ok, I know wrestling is staged, but that was scripted and choreographed for Kenny. And then onto the Krystal redemption story. I wanted to wipe Kenny's face before the kiss. 

Edited August 14, 2018 by dizzyd

[jette]

Love that TPTB tailor made that date for Kenny!

Smooth moves, inside and outside of the ring too

Edited August 14, 2018 by jette
Cause Kenny rocks

[Armchair Critic]

Krystal is a pretty woman if she can curb the flakiness.

[CindyBee]

2 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

Meanwhile, David continues his official role as Asshat Tool.

What is his problem!?  Oh I know, he wants to be famous but he's going about the wrong way as no one likes the tool.  

[saber5055]

1 minute ago, leighdear said:

Krystal looks good without a lot of makeup.  But NO WAY she knew what Lucha Libre was before they got there.  

I agree Krystal looks good. Too bad I don't like her after whatever season she was on.

Which Bachelor/ette season did they go to Lucha Libre? Maybe Krystal watched (or was on?) that season.

I'm all about Kenny now. Liked him when he was on B-ette, like him even more now. Hottie McHotness!

[leighdear]

Ugh!  Astrid has that horrible, like vocal fry, like ya know?  Like it's bad. Like really bad. 

[saber5055]

LOL at Kevin. He's all bent that Krystal went on a date, now he's "more compatible" with Astrid. Any port in a storm I guess.

Tia: "Me and him went on that date."

And the Death of Proper Pronoun Usage in this franchise continues ...

[CindyBee]

2 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

LOL at Kevin. He's all bent that Krystal went on a date, now he's "more compatible" with Astrid. Any port in a storm I guess.

Too funny, one minute Krystal is his dream girl and the next, Astrid is but then things move FAST in paradise so I guess no surprise.  

[rlc]

Most of these women look so much better, and so much younger without the makeup piled on.

[CindyBee]

Poor Chelsea, having to choose between Nick and David!?!?

[Armchair Critic]

Nick has no game, something tells me he is not getting a rose.

[leighdear]

Nick is right, he has NO business being there.  Idiot. 

[CindyBee]

Why Tia, why, are you so hung up on this guy!?

[Armchair Critic]

Did Colton just say he didn't want to do what Dean did? 

[leighdear]

The time between Colton getting booted from Becca & him showing up on this island is MONTHS. Him acting still heartbroken is ridiculous.  

Good lord, this woman is so pathetic and needy.  

[ECM1231]

Ha if looks could kill! Tia was not happy to hear Colton wants to keep his options open.

[CindyBee]

Gah Tia, grab a backbone and walk away.  Venmo John is RICH!!!

[leighdear]

OOoh, now she's threatening him.  Nice move, Tia.  Now you look like a needy and vindictive pathetic loser. 

No, she does NOT deserve something great.  

[ECM1231]

Yea Tia , you deserve something all right...the boot all the way back to Weiner, Arkansas. Can not stand this woman who is still nursing a grudge that SHE was not the Bachelorette.

[Stats Queen]

45 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

Let Annaliese figure out Jordan herself, David needs to chill out.

David is revealing more about him than about Jordan, and it’s not pretty.

[saber5055]

I missed all the Tia/Colton drah-ma while I was watching a fantastic run on American Ninja Warrior. Yeay for me! But back to BIP: I'd rather have Tia gone than Colton. She's worn out her reality-show 15 minutes in my book. She can get off my tv (and my lawn) now.

[Madding crowd]

I don’t like Tia basically threatening Colton or the other guys that are so angry at him for no reason. I would rather have him stay than Tia or angry Chris.

[leighdear]

Chris just wants to get in her undies.  He's so transparent.  

[Armchair Critic]

Chris get real, you are the back up who is most likely being used to make Colton jealous.

[Stats Queen]

3 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

Yea Tia , you deserve something all right...the boot all the way back to Weiner, Arkansas. Can not stand this woman who is still nursing a grudge that SHE was not the Bachelorette.

Seeing what she’s like here, so glad she wasn’t the bachelorette. Get a clue, he’s just not that into you.

[saber5055]

Chris to Tia: "Blah blah blah blah and yada yada."

Translation: I need a rose so I can stay and find someone I really want to "get to know."

[leighdear]

What kind of weird, shiny shoes was Colton wearing, walking across the sand?

There's  an Angela?

[Armchair Critic]

4 minutes ago, Stats Queen said:

Get a clue, he’s just not that into you

I don't get it, is the only way Tia can talk to Colton is if they are on TV? If they were seriously interested in each other they would have talked after Becca's season and before Paradise.

[leighdear]

Good for Jordan.  He wants Colton off his lawn too.  

And Colton was let go by Becca on April 25th.  Months to reconnect with Tia.  Seriously. 

Edited August 14, 2018 by leighdear

[rlc]

Angela’s laugh is the worst. And that’s on a season that includes Krystal.