S01.E04: I-N-S– INSPIRATIONS

[Drogo]

Exploring the city on their own, JJ and Kenneth realize strangers look at them as inspirational. The two push their luck, receiving free food and baseball game admissions. Kenneth lets this get to his head, goes overboard, and things fall apart. Meanwhile, as the family can’t do anything without having to worry about wheelchair accessibility, Dylan and Ray convince Maya to take them paintballing. But can she let herself have fun without JJ?

[bros402]

I liked tonight's episode a lot. I liked how it tackled the inspiration porn issue - Kenneth realized that it went to his head and recognized that.

I liked all of the plotlines tonight. Even the C-Plot of making the bathroom accessible - which I was wondering about.

[dmmetler]

I think this episode shows both that Kenneth isn't an experienced aide who and why, for the show, that's a good thing. Kenneth does things no aide would do, and in that role as JJ's friend, is able to make mistakes that illustrate great points-that by defining someone with disabilities as an "inspiration" it takes away their identity as an individual, and that's not right, either. 

The B plot was also excellent, because that's a real issue for families and siblings of kids with disabilities. And the Bathroom subplot was also right on. Accessibility is a real concern (and it's why last week's cluttered house rang false, because not only does JJ need wide paths to maneuver, but anything that isn't at the correct height is impossible for him to interact with. )

 

JJ's emotions and reactions ring very true. I'm sure it's because the young actor is basically playing himself-expressions are awesome. I loved him yelling at Kenneth :). 

[Bobbin]

I loved everything about this episode, especially JJ calling out Kenneth for "stealing his voice," literally and figuratively. I imagine the frustration and vulnerability of all of the non-verbal CP victims who don't have any means of communication and whose physical and emotional needs are unexpressed or ignored.

"Survivor guilt," sibling rivalry, accessibility, all very well done. Kudos all around.

[neuromom]

In an ironic twist, i had to put my special needs son to bed right in the middle of the episode. And my DVR failed to record, so I'm looking forward to catching up at a later date.

What I did see was right on. But, I'm wondering why the Dimeos felt that they needed to remodel the bathroom themselves? Did they explain that? I'd think a regional center would be able to assist with that..especially since they should be using a certified contractor. (I had to go through an entire process to get a tub lift for my son. Not just for the equipment, but for a professionl to install it. Anytime you're dealing with tearing down walls you can potentially be damaging structural integrity) 

[Bobbin]

1 hour ago, neuromom said:

I'm wondering why the Dimeos felt that they needed to remodel the bathroom themselves?

The family was thinking of fun things they could do for the day that didn't involve having to accommodate JJ's needs while he was out with Kenneth. But Maya started feeling guilty about the family having fun because JJ was out of the picture, so she brought the focus back to dealing with JJ's needs by tackling the bathroom door as a family project (squeezing through it was an issue at the beginning of the episode). 

[AConspiracy]

I have heard using handi-capable as a "free pass" to cut lines etc. is kind of a cottage industry already. Maybe JJ never knew that because mom doesn't take him to many public places?

[Vickismom]

Did I miss something at the beginning of the episode?  How did they get the wheelchair into the bathroom in the first place, in order for it to get stuck getting out?  

[Crs97]

They didn't say, but I assumed it has to be positioned  "just so" to get in/out and we were supposed to think the steam from the hot shower might have caused problems, too.

 

Another great episode that hit home for us on many levels.  My favorite part was JJ hitting Kenneth's hand and Kenneth telling him not to shout.

Edited October 13, 2016 by Crs97

[neuromom]

4 hours ago, Vickismom said:

Did I miss something at the beginning of the episode?  How did they get the wheelchair into the bathroom in the first place, in order for it to get stuck getting out?  

Hmm..good question. My assumption is that they  did a lot of lifting. With a couple of people, and depending on how much weight bearing JJ can do, it can be done. It's not always easy!   I'm single parent. And until I was able to get a tub lift,  I was having to "dead lift "my kid out of the deep Jacuzzi tub. He was about 80 pounds at the time.  And I was lifting him up and into my Honda CRV. Not easy. 

Come to think of it, I wonder how they get JJ in and out of the tub or shower? Maybe later episodes will address those issues. 

[Bobbin]

29 minutes ago, neuromom said:

Come to think of it, I wonder how they get JJ in and out of the tub or shower?

Without a lift mechanism, mom or dad would have to lift him in and out of the bath. The same with getting him on and off the toilet, cleaning him, etc, things that Kenneth does during the day. My recollection from an earlier episode is that Maya insisted that that was her job, ordinarily mortifying for a 16 year old boy, but often a necessity.

[needschocolate]

I thought I took this show off the auto record list, because I found the parents so unlikeable, but there it was under recent recordings and I decided to give it one more try.  I liked it!  The family wasn't obnoxious.  I will keep it on auto-record.

19 hours ago, AConspiracy said:

I have heard using handi-capable as a "free pass" to cut lines etc. is kind of a cottage industry already. Maybe JJ never knew that because mom doesn't take him to many public places?

The obnoxious parents we saw the last two weeks (being proud of being the bad neighbors, etc...) would surely know about and take advantage of any way to use JJ's disability to get themselves something, but I can see how the more normal people they were this week wouldn't exploit it that way.  

[OnceSane]

I loved the "stop shouting!" moment, I laughed so hard!  And I'm glad Kenneth realized he jacked JJ's day and tried to make it up to him.

The paintballing & ice skating were also terrific--especially the rest of the family realizing how guilty they felt having fun doing something JJ can't.  Felt very real.

[Big Mother]

I'm finding it harder and harder to enjoy this show bc of all the little things, and even big things, that make me bristle, as a special needs mom. I'm posting it here instead of the off topic thread bc it's relevant to the episode.

So, JJ finally goes away for a few hours with his aide. The kids FINALLY have their parents' undivided attention. And what does the mom choose to do? Home improvement for JJ. I wanted to scream. First of all, how darn lucky were these ppl that they haven't had to, in 16 years, find a sitter for their son so they could attend family or social events where he couldn't go? Granted, my son has severe behavioral issues, but he goes to respite multipel times a year, even multiple times a month. Right now we're in the midst of a zillion Jewish holidays and we keep finding respite families to host him so we can have a normal holiday meal and not have to chase him around the house and clean up his destruction. Okay, JJ isn't a destroyer, but still - they never had a family wedding? a family vacation? They rather chose to miss all those things than leave JJ with a sitter? Putting that aside, it's tiger moms like Maya who make the siblings resent their special needs brother. YOU CAN DO THE HOME IMPROVEMENTS WHEN JJ IS HOME! HE'S NOT KEEPING YOU FROM DOING IT! HE'S NOT HOME NOW - GO HAVE SOME FAMILY FUN! Her obsession with JJ really hurts the other kids. Putting THAT aside, I don't knwo what hick town they live in, but here in New York, there are actual government programs that pay to make homes of disabled, wheelchair accessible. There was no need for them to break their house apart.

Okay. Now that my rant is over, I realize that there is more to this plot... the guilt. Boy did I wrestle with this. The first few times we sent him to respite, even to summer camp, I felt awful. I cried buckets of tears why my son can't take part in the family holidays and events. But once I realize how much better off he was in an environment that catered to his needs, and that attending a family event with us where he'd be overstimulated and miserable would be worse, I was able to separate myself and enjoy it. I guess Maya has to go through this learning curve at this stage in JJ's life.

LOL. I love the little psychologist, setting her mom straight. :D

Kenneth's subplot was funny but I think it was a little out of character for him. Based on what we saw the first three weeks I'm not really sure he would let himself get carried away like that.

OMG. Taking away his communication device? Leaving it behind? That is HARMING the person he is protecting. No matter how good he is, I would've fired him for doing something like that. I'm in shock. He did redeem himself at the end but that's unforgivable.

Hey. Their house. it was a wreck when they moved in. when did it get so beautiful????

[mojito]

Quote

Leaving it behind? That is HARMING the person he is protecting. No matter how good he is, I would've fired him for doing something like that. 

But like JJ's parents,  you never would've found out, would you?

[neuromom]

49 minutes ago, Big Mother said:

I'm finding it harder and harder to enjoy this show bc of all the little things, and even big things, that make me bristle, as a special needs mom. I'm posting it here instead of the off topic thread bc it's relevant to the episode.

So, JJ finally goes away for a few hours with his aide. The kids FINALLY have their parents' undivided attention. And what does the mom choose to do? Home improvement for JJ. I wanted to scream. First of all, how darn lucky were these ppl that they haven't had to, in 16 years, find a sitter for their son so they could attend family or social events where he couldn't go? Granted, my son has severe behavioral issues, but he goes to respite multipel times a year, even multiple times a month. Right now we're in the midst of a zillion Jewish holidays and we keep finding respite families to host him so we can have a normal holiday meal and not have to chase him around the house and clean up his destruction. Okay, JJ isn't a destroyer, but still - they never had a family wedding? a family vacation? They rather chose to miss all those things than leave JJ with a sitter? Putting that aside, it's tiger moms like Maya who make the siblings resent their special needs brother. YOU CAN DO THE HOME IMPROVEMENTS WHEN JJ IS HOME! HE'S NOT KEEPING YOU FROM DOING IT! HE'S NOT HOME NOW - GO HAVE SOME FAMILY FUN! Her obsession with JJ really hurts the other kids. Putting THAT aside, I don't knwo what hick town they live in, but here in New York, there are actual government programs that pay to make homes of disabled, wheelchair accessible. There was no need for them to break their house apart.

Okay. Now that my rant is over, I realize that there is more to this plot... the guilt. Boy did I wrestle with this. The first few times we sent him to respite, even to summer camp, I felt awful. I cried buckets of tears why my son can't take part in the family holidays and events. But once I realize how much better off he was in an environment that catered to his needs, and that attending a family event with us where he'd be overstimulated and miserable would be worse, I was able to separate myself and enjoy it. I guess Maya has to go through this learning curve at this stage in JJ's life.

LOL. I love the little psychologist, setting her mom straight. :D

Kenneth's subplot was funny but I think it was a little out of character for him. Based on what we saw the first three weeks I'm not really sure he would let himself get carried away like that.

OMG. Taking away his communication device? Leaving it behind? That is HARMING the person he is protecting. No matter how good he is, I would've fired him for doing something like that. I'm in shock. He did redeem himself at the end but that's unforgivable.

Hey. Their house. it was a wreck when they moved in. when did it get so beautiful????

I can see your point in a lot of this. And I just have to say that you are very very lucky to have found appropriate respite..several times a year. I'm a single mom. I get away an average of ONE night a year, when I leave my kids with my parents. I qualify for 25 hours a month, but I can't find anybody I'd trust with my kid. I guess I'm one of those "Tiger moms", because I haven't found truly trustworthy respite for my kid and I have high expectations,  He has multiple disabilities, and he is almost 12. And I'm very aware of issues that can arise with the "typical" siblings, so I devote a ton of time to my older son too. As far as I can tell, the older brother doesn't resent the younger one. He is 15 and we HAVE talked about this. 

So, yea, I totally understand her guilt. And, I totally get that after 16 years of "focus" on the special kid, it is very difficult to make changes and let go. And even if there IS assistance available (respite, contractors, special devices) they aren't always easy to come by. 

[Crs97]

Quote

Hey. Their house. it was a wreck when they moved in. when did it get so beautiful????

In the last episode Jimmy cleaned it up so that Ray could have friends over.  

Hubby and I don't qualify for any government rehab projects on our house.  It's a fast jump to families being responsible for 100% of the cost so we would be more likely to DIY.

The family fun day is a struggle for us.  We try to balance it all out, and there are many things they get to do because they have a brother with special needs (the zoo has a dedicated night for families or the hospital has a picnic for families).  That scene again is where Jimmy shines by pulling the mom aside and telling her the kids need to see her happy.

[kathyk24]

Quote

 

I hope the show doesn't give the impression that the disabled are looking for special treatment. The only kids I've heard being able to skip lines are Make a Wish kids. I wonder why the family doesn't have a natural support system to give the family some respite. I also thought it was great that JJ wanted to spend time away from his family. He can't go to his friend's homes if they are inaccessible. I loved seeing the paintball scenes and watching Ray and Dylan bond 

[alexvillage]

I liked that they addressed the "stealing my voice" issue and I hope they g further and make mom and Kenneth stop talking for JJ and let him take charge of what he needs to advocate for.

The not-so-subtle inspiration porn moments were good but I am afraid it might get lost in the reality of non-disabled people. I wish they had been even more obvious, like having someone filming JJ and posting it on social media without his consent (like people who do that when people are being helped by the "heroes" in restaurants, fast food places...), or maybe someone having a chance to stop the bullshit that is "handicapable", "differently able", and other euphemisms people use to avoid saying "disabled", as if it the word, and the identity, are a reason for shame 

As for the rest of the show, I don't like comedy and find it hard to follow, or laugh. I did like the interaction between the two siblings though

[possibilities]

Why didn't they at least try swing away hinges?? The doorway was close enough to being wide enough, so that they almost could shove the chair through it. Swing Away hinges add 2" of clearance, cost very little, and anyone can install them, without doing any demolition. I hate when tv makes people unreasonably clueless because they think it's funny.

I don't know what states are handing out house remodeling for access, but it's definitely not something going on everywhere.

[bros402]

23 hours ago, kathyk24 said:

I hope the show doesn't give the impression that the disabled are looking for special treatment. The only kids I've heard being able to skip lines are Make a Wish kids. I wonder why the family doesn't have a natural support system to give the family some respite. I also thought it was great that JJ wanted to spend time away from his family. He can't go to his friend's homes if they are inaccessible. I loved seeing the paintball scenes and watching Ray and Dylan bond 

Yeah. Maybe they had a respite system set up before they moved around to 6 schools in 2 years and they'll get something set up soon.

 

9 hours ago, possibilities said:

Why didn't they at least try swing away hinges?? The doorway was close enough to being wide enough, so that they almost could shove the chair through it. Swing Away hinges add 2" of clearance, cost very little, and anyone can install them, without doing any demolition. I hate when tv makes people unreasonably clueless because they think it's funny.

I don't know what states are handing out house remodeling for access, but it's definitely not something going on everywhere.

I believe that at the least, the IRS has a deduction for making your home accessible.

[ItCouldBeWorse]

I hope they at least put up a curtain rod and curtain in place of the now too-narrow bathroom door so that they can use the toilet without everyone watching.

[Big Mother]

10 hours ago, bros402 said:

Yeah. Maybe they had a respite system set up before they moved around to 6 schools in 2 years and they'll get something set up soon.

 

 

From the show it seemed they had NEVER left JJ with anyone and gone away to do something fun / family w/o him.

[neuromom]

1 hour ago, Big Mother said:

From the show it seemed they had NEVER left JJ with anyone and gone away to do something fun / family w/o him.

And that's the part that can be so real for some of us.

[bros402]

13 hours ago, Big Mother said:

From the show it seemed they had NEVER left JJ with anyone and gone away to do something fun / family w/o him.

True. But I imagine that maybe when he was younger, they might've had a little bit of time - even if he just had ESY for a few hours each day in the summer. Or maybe his K-8 school was year round, as a lot of MD schools tend to be (at least here).

 

12 hours ago, neuromom said:

And that's the part that can be so real for some of us.

Yeah. I am nowhere near severely physically disabled, but I have a bit of trouble with activities of daily living (I really hate buttoning shirts, can't really do it). I can be a bit difficult, even now at 26. When I was younger, I was... very difficult at times. Usually once a summer, my grandfather and step-grandmother would have me, my brother, and one of my cousins sleep over at their house for a night, to give my parents (and my aunt and uncle) a break - while we got to have fun with each other.

Now, given recent medical developments with me, my brother has been my primary caregiver for the last year and a half (with my parents helping me when they get home from work) and, uh, respite is necessary for caregivers. It sucks how little (or none) caregivers can get, usually because of circumstances or finances.

I really hope in this show they at least touch on the financials - like how they are paying for Kenneth and that PT - I'm sort of hoping they go with the ridiculous "rich uncle" scenario - maybe the rich uncle set it up in a trust for JJ, so they can use the money for living expenses and other costs for him, and once he turns 18 (or 21, I wonder if they would keep him in through 21, maybe they'd keep him an extra year, but I think they would have him go onto college) the trust won't cover costs for anyone outside of him. That would be delightfully sitcommy.

[Gulftastic]

Another fun episode. I liked Kenneth getting carried away, especially when it cut to him singing during the 7th innings stretch (that is when they sing that song, right? I've only been to a couple of baseball games when I took a holiday in 'Murcca in the early 1990's).

Also glad that Minnie Driver said 'arse' instead of 'ass'. Wierdly, it wouldn't ever be used in a pre-watershed UK show, but does air on US imports. The word has a strange place in the swearing pecking order. It's not considered that rude, certainly when compared to the big C and F words, but it ranks above 'bloody'. This week's Coronation Street managed to slip in a 'bastard' but would never do the same with 'arse'.

[GRChereck]

Dylan was great in this episode -- acting as her mother's unpaid therapist, realizing how she and Ray can get along when they're working together at something they both find fun, and her elation-turned-guilt at having fun without JJ. :D

Loved Jimmy's line after Ray knocks over the family laptop ("Congratulations, toaster! YOU are now our most valuable possession!"), and his riff on how Maya uses her "British charm" to get him and others to do what she wants. (Oh, and "Those monsters! They shot you in my favorite breast!" after he saw Maya had gotten hit in paintball.)

As for the JJ/Kenneth plot, I was pleasantly surprised at just how flawed Kenneth could be while still being somewhat sympathetic -- so unused to special treatment, he let it go to his head until he simply forgot the day was supposed to be all about JJ. Granted, I was a little shocked that he would take away JJ's board like that, but the bit with his hands ("Impressive thinking on the fly, or wrong time to do a victory lap?" [JJ repeatedly punches the second hand.] "Okay, stop yelling at me, I got it!") was pretty ingenious.

Also, I thought the next ep was such a neat reversal of this: Instead of Kenneth being the grossly irresponsible one (not only taking the board but accidentally leaving it in the parking lot, not to mention all the advantage he had taken of JJ for perks), JJ ended up being the one to take advantage of Kenneth (who only wanted to be helpful) by tricking him and sneaking drinks behind his back at the Halloween party. I'm glad they both seem to have learned from these experiences since then... 

Edited February 28, 2017 by GRChereck