Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[peach]

Tue, Dec 30  Schmoozin' and Boozin'

 

It’s New Year’s Eve.  Ashley is in the lobby of the club leaving Joe a voicemail.  She’s waiting for you, Handsome.  She’s wearing a shimmery, one shoulder, teal evening gown.  She runs into Stitch, who’s just dressed like a regular guy.  They smile awkwardly like this is supposed to actually be awkward.  It isn’t.

 

Victoria’s staying in with Katie and Reed, who looks like Billy, Jr.  Blah baby blah.  She tells Reed they’re all going to be together now, Reed, Johnny, and Katie, as one big happy family, except Reed lives 1,000 miles away.  “But where’s Billy?” asks Reed.

 

Billy is asking Chels for help with his cuff links, because his shirt is too stiff.  Matches the rest of him.  She comes in wearing a gray sweater with sequins and beads all over the shoulders.  What’s the deal, they’re going to the party at the club!  Oh, this is her “don’t let Connor spill anything on me strategy.”  Because that’s really a sweater you can just toss in the washing machine, and babies love resting their heads on sequins.  She’ll get really dressed when Anita shows up to babysit.  She wants to be half of the most stylish couple at the party!  Chels is already fantasizing about kissing him at midnight.  So where is her mom anyway?!

 

Anita is trying to choose “an adorable cupcake for my adorable daughter’s adorable son” at Crimson Lights.  She’s getting some advice from ADAM.  Anita is VERY into him.  He thinks she should pick the one with a dinosaur on it, because any boy would love it.  “You.  I know what you’re doing,” says Anita.  He looks worried, but I’m sure she just thinks you’re flirting with her.   Maybe he should look worried.

 

Avery and Dylan are getting ready for the party.  Um..wow.  I guess her usual extravagant display of cleavage is just her day look.  This dress plunges a lot further.  It looks like something Sophia Loren would wear.  Plunging black halter bodice with a gold, shimmery skirt.  Her hair is swept back Princess Grace style, though.  Dylan is digging it, and nuzzles her neck.  They should make NYE be just about them.  Nope.  Their landmark status got shut down so they need to get to that party and schmooze the hell out of everyone important. 

 

“Do you really think schmoozing’s going to help?” asks Dylan.   Avery’s like, YES!  Duh.  Schmoozing makes the world go round, dummy.  And he can bet Joe Clark will be working that room.  Oh, is that why they’re going to this party?  So he can compete with Joe?  Well, then, Dylan doesn’t want to go.  Let’s just stay in.  Avery’s like, umm, how can I explain this using smaller words?  How about if they leave at midnight?  “No schmoozing,” gripes Dylan.  “Minimal schmoozing,” insists Avery.  “I just want tonight to be about us.”  And neck kissing.  Well, she didn’t buy this dress for that, Dylan.  Ringing in the New Year together IS about them.  They leave.

 

Joe’s already schmoozing, of course.  He tells Cane the place looks great!  He really appreciates Lily going all out to make this event so awesome, what with the grocery store star balloons and everything.  He knows his cocktail party will take away any and all doubt about his project.  Like Lily, who’s one of the doubters, asks Cane.  Joe is confident he can change her mind. 

 

Cane grins, but it’s not very friendly.  “You can charm anyone, can’t you?”  Oh, well, not everyone, just 98 -99%, says Joe.  “Well, Lily’s that 1 or 2%,” insists Cane.  “For now,” says Joe.  Cane points out that his charm doesn’t work on his ex, either.  “Well, when charm doesn’t work, you try something new,” says Joe, smiling.  Like what?  “The night is young,” grins Joe, walking away.  Cane seems like he doesn’t know whether to admire or fear Joe.  Or both.

 

Kelly and Lily are going over details in the office.  Kelly is dressed like Veronica Lake, or the mother of the bride, or something.  Navy blue lace.  The short sleeves ruin it.  They should be cap sleeves or something.  Her hair and makeup look very pretty though.  NO red lipstick.  But I think she still might go crazy tonight.   Lily is NOT wearing a floor length evening gown.  SHOCKER.  Her dress might actually a smidge longer than her barely there business attire, and is a soft, swingy, pleated, silvery ombre thing.   Sorry I’m not a better fashion describer.  Hmm, from the side…it’s looks slightly like maternity wear.  If Jennifer Aniston wore this dress she would be declared pregnant for the 432nd time. Lily's hair is in a soft updo that's perfect and gorgeous.

 

Kelly wants everything to be JUST RIGHT.  Lily still thinks she should take the night off.  Kelly’s like, why?  “Um, because Jack and Phyllis are coming?”   She knows what’s going to happen as soon as they walk through the door. Look, Kelly’s worked too hard to make this party a success.  And she’s not going to let anything, or ANYBODY, ruin it.  Plus, it’s like, a party.  She already spent Christmas alone.

 

Jack’s already in his tux, while Phyllis runs around in a GCRB robe.  But Jack should be prepare to be DAZZLED.  She’s going to look super fantastic faster than he can think.  Her hair looks stupid, so I hope she’s not going with that.  Okay, but Jack’s in no rush.  “I want tonight to be perfect!” says Phyllis.  Perfectly awful for Kelly.  Jack says it will be, but he’s not very enthused. 

 

She asks how he spent LAST NYE, because that wasn’t in the video Austin made.  His sisters twisted his arm into going to the bash at the club.  Solo??  He just told you, he went with his SISTERS.  And it sucked, it was the usual try hard event NYE always is.  Booze and such.  All the things he tries to avoid, because HE’S AN ADDICT, Phyllis. This isn’t his favorite holiday.  “How about the party planner?  Did you avoid her?”  Jack’s like…great.  I’m pretty sure the shiny party planner was still a despondent kindergarten teacher last NYE anyway.

 

After the break there was some weird edit, and Jack says he’s just fine seeing Kelly at the party.  But he seems  worried about something.  Is it Phyllis?  “You do have a penchant for turning special events into grand opera.”   Why, whatever is he talking about?  She’s about as subtle as Scarlett O’Hara.  Hmm, Shick’s wedding?  “That was an exceptional situation,” she says with self-satisfaction.  There have been a few exceptional situations over the years, says Jack.  She thought he LOVED her flair for the dramatic.  “NOT. Tonight,” he says seriously.  Oh, now, she knows when to turn on the insanity and when to turn it off.  “Since when?” says Jack.  Since tonight.  It’s her NY resolution. 

 

She really just wants to be with her friends and ring out 2014 and all its darkest moments.  Jack says there were some great moments.  Like, maybe two.  Phyllis knows how hard this year has been for him, and he has not complained, thinking it was worse for her.  It WAS worse for her, he says.  “I slept through most of it,” she jokes.  But Jack suffered many losses.  Losing his idiot daughter back to Nick, and the unbearable tragedy of Delia, which also cost him someone he thought of as a son, even if Adam didn’t deserve it.  Jack falters at the mention of Adam.  Tonight, Phyllis wants to leave the sadness and ring in the New Year.  They kiss. 

 

Summer comes barging in and interrupts.  She’s meeting Austin at The Underground for NYE and her dress is a DISASTER!  WAAH!  Phyllis is thrilled.  “My daughter needs me!  This year is getting off to a perfect start!”  She jumps up to help Summer, and Jack looks away, losing his smile and looking terribly worried or sad or something not good.

 

Yep, Anita thinks Adam is flirting with her.  He goes for it.  And let him pay for that cupcake, since he suggested it.  Gosh, you think they can break a hundred dollar bill?  It’s all he’s got, he says, casually dropping it on the counter.  He knows Anita, all right.  She’ll be ready to bag him for Chelsea in no time.  “Let’s be honest,” says Adam.  “You’re too young to be a grandmother.  This cupcake is for your date, right?”  She does have a date with the cutest little boy in the world.  “It’s just hard to believe someone as alluring as you wouldn’t be out on the town on NYE.”  Well, her Chelsea’s had a hell of a year, and she deserves to go out and have some fun.  He easily gets her to tell him where Chelsea’s going.  The GCAC.   I mean, anyone who’s anyone will be there.  Well, that’s pretty darn convenient.

 

Billy tells Chelsea to get dressed, and he’ll go track down Anita!  Geez, why is he in such a hurry?  The party won’t get going til later, and only dweebs show up early.  Well, he wants to make a stop on the way, at Victoria’s, of course.  He wants to wish Reed a happy new year.  Chelsea thinks he should go do that while she gets ready.  But he wants her to come!  Oh, Billy, she doesn’t have to be by his side every time he goes to Victoria’s!  Omg, your mother is going to slap you for that.  She needs time to make herself presentable.  Billy says she could wear a burlap sack and still be the most beautiful woman in the room.  She pushes him off to Vicky’s, and besides, she reminds him, Victoria has SOMEONE ELSE to be kissing at midnight, while she is kissing Billy.  So there.

 

Stitch tells Ashley she looks amazing!  “You look freshly showered,” says Ashley.  Um, gross.  “You know how I like a good, hot shower,” says Stitch.  Nervous chuckles.  He’s skipping the party for a quiet celebration at home.  “With Victoria?” asks Ash.  He seems worried about admitting it.  She pushes his shoulder and says not to be like that.  It was JUST one, great night that she can never stop mentioning. They’re adults, so let’s move on. 

 

She acts mysterious about having a date, but Stitch knows she ain’t wearing that dress for Abby.  No, indeed.  Smokin’ Joe walks up and stands a head taller than Stitch.  Ashley introduces them.  Stitch is like…holy shit.  Okay, well happy new year.  He leaves.  Joe says Ashley looks stunning.  “So do you,” she says.  Yes. He shaved, btw. She takes his arm, and Dylan and Avery and Avery’s boobs walk in.  They act awkward, and Ashley clearly doesn’t get what their damage is.

 

Victoria reminds Reed that Billy doesn’t live there anymore.  But he’ll always be his dad, besides his other dad, just like she’ll always be his mom.  Reed’s third dad shows up.  Stitch tells him he’s got a son his age named Max, but he’s in Australia.  He’s got some cool videos of him boogie boarding because it’s summer there.  Reed thinks those would be cool to watch, because his own devices must have a dead battery.  Vicky thinks he’s wowed her son into wanting to spend New Year’s on the beach.  Who wouldn’t?  Stitch says maybe next year.  She likes the sound of that.  “We’ve got nothing but time,” he says.

 

Anita shows up at the penthouse.  Why doesn’t she answer her phone?!  So Chelsea can only nag her once for being late.  She had to stop and pick up a treat.  Billy admits any boy would love to get that dinosaur cupcake.  Always wanting what Adam wants.  “Well, that’s what HE said!” cries Anita.  Who, Dylan?  NO!  This rich, handsome young man who picked it out, and then insisted on buying it for her!  How young, asks Billy.  Old enough to know a good thing when he sees it!  He was flirting shamelessly with her!  Shameless is about right.  Okay, well, Billy has to go see the kids, and Chels will meet him at the party. She runs upstairs to change.  Anita gives Billy a NY hug.  He asks if they’re starting the year with a clean slate.  She still has her doubts about his loyalty to Chelsea, with his ex waiting in the wings.  But she can’t deny he brings a smile to her face, and after Adam died, she never thought she’d see her happy again.

 

Summer wasn’t going to buy a new dress since they’re sticking to a budget, but if she wears this old one, it makes her look like a little girl.  “Can we dooo something to it?” she whines.  Right, your dress is what makes you seem like a little girl.  Phyllis peeks in her garment bag.  YUCK!  That one’s a disaster, but Phyllis has a dress she can wear that’s sleek and sophisticated.  I don’t like Summer’s hair either.  It’s supposed to be a fancy updo, but she looks like an English maid.  Jack says he has end of the year paperwork to finish at the office, which really sounds like a CEO’s job, so he will just meet them at the party later.  Summer just wants him to know how awesome he was to her this past year.  And still is, because I’m pretty sure she isn’t paying rent now, either.  He’s grateful he got to be there for her when her mom couldn’t.  They hug.

 

Well…Avery didn’t know Ashley and Joe were friends.   Why would she know who any of Joe’s friends are?  “We knew each other in New York,” explains Ashley.  And that is a gorgeous ring Avery is wearing.  Ash heard they got engaged.  “Thank you,” says Avery, “has Joe tried to enlist you yet in his redevelopment project?”  Dylan suggests they go celebrate New Year’s.  Cane comes along and coaxes them into the bar. 

 

Avery grabs Joe by the arm first.  “You knew each other in New York?” she accuses.  He’s like yeah, is there a problem with that?  “I just hope you’re not using Ashley to push my buttons!” says Avery.  Right, what other possible reason would Joe want to date a gorgeous woman on NYE.   I thought Avery didn’t care about Joe Clark.  “Ashley is a beautiful, successful woman in her own right.  Give us some credit.”   Okay, fine.  She starts to walk away.  “HOWEVER…if I WAS trying to push your buttons, it looks like I was successful.”  Avery stares.  Way to play it cool.

 

Billy holds Katie.  Blah blah.  Victoria slobbers all over him right in front of Stitch.  “You always did know how to wear a suit,” she praises.  “NOT that there’s anything wrong with the ‘all natural’ look,” she says, throwing Stitch a bone.  That’s fine, he prefers his jeans and boots for hanging out with old Reed here, tossing the football around.  Billy’s going up to give Johnny a hug before he goes to the party.  Reed looks bummed.  Doesn’t Billy have time for one video game, asks Victoria.  No problemo!  Reed is thrilled. They run off.  Victoria thanks Stitch for playing nice with Billy.  It’s easy, like everything is easy for Stitch now.  He’s starting off this New Year happier than he’s been in a long time.  Oh no!  The baby spits up!  That’s because you and Stitch are gross.  She’s really warm, too!  OMG!  SOMETHING’S WRONG!

 

“You DID push my buttons, Joe,” complains Avery.  She really knows how to play her cards close to the vest.  Especially for an attorney.  “Longing for days past,” says Joe.  “I’m ANNOYED,” says Avery, which I guess means jealous and tingly.  “At me,” says Joe.  No, at HERSELF.  She wonders if she ever really knew the man she married.  “We knew each other better than we’ve ever known anyone else.”   Sure, why not.  It’s a trend.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, my date is waiting.”  He walks away.

 

Avery stomps into the bar where Dylan gives her champagne.  She looks like it bothers her he’s with Ashley.  “No!  I don’t care who he dates!”  She says it’s just REGRET, that she didn’t find Dylan before she married Joe.  And she hopes for Ashley’s sake, she doesn’t get too involved with Joe Clark.  “The man thinks the world revolves around him,” she says uncomfortably.

 

Joe brings Ashley champagne while she poses with her hand on her hip.  She’s curious why he never told her about Avery.  Meh, why dwell on stuff like that?  She can understand that.  He says why focus on the past?  Tonight is about the future.  They toast.  Rawr.

 

Lily tells Cane she’s worried about Kelly.  Blah blah.  Jack walks in.  Lily thinks she should warn him that Kelly who works there is working there.   She has a really bad feeling about this.

 

Summer twirls around in a black, one shoulder dress that seems to be the same dress as Ashley’s.  Only black and boring and short.  It literally looks like someone just sliced off one shoulder.  What a yuck neckline.  Phyllis thinks it looks wonderful on her.  Um, no.  She gets all choked up over what a beautiful young woman her little girl has become. “Are you going to CRY?” laughs Summer.  NO! Phyllis doesn’t cry.  She makes people cry. 

 

They realize the last time they did this, it was before the MS event.  Summer remembers every moment of that night.  Then Phyllis got so sick, and she was trying to get used to being Jack’s daughter, and trying to get over Kyle. Wah, wah, wah.  Blah blah, it’s over now, and in a few hours it will be a brand new year.  What does Phyllis want?  She wants to marry Jack, and play with Summer, and have fun at work, and not waste a single minute.  What does Summer want?  To sit on a bar stool at The Underground.  Phyllis says she gets to live her life the way she wants to.  But not really.

 

Adam’s in the club lobby, arguing with Sage on the phone. He DID check on Constance and she was SLEEPING.  If something changes, pick up the phone.  He looks breathtaking.  “I know what I’m doing, okay?  I didn’t spend all this time becoming Gabriel Bingham so that somebody could figure out who I was.  Not my brother, not anybody!”  Jack didn’t have to figure it out, because YOU TOLD HIM!  He hangs up with frustration.

 

Jack rushes up to him.  Is THIS how he keeps his promise about starting a new and better life, skulking around here??  How could anyone possibly have a better life AWAY from the athletic club.  He’s not SKULKING, Jack.  He’s blending in.  You know, as his business associate.  That IS how he introduced him to Billy, right?  Let’s not forget that it’s him we’re protecting.  Jack doesn’t need a reminder.   “I’m just keeping ya honest,” says Adam.  He thinks in the new year, they should figure out a way to work together!  Like it's no big deal.  Jack is speechless.

 

They’re interrupted by Kelly coming downstairs like the madam of a cat house.   “Good evening, gentleman!”  Okay, the dress looks a little better now that I can see the hemline, but I’m still 99% sure it came from David’s Bridal.  Lily sees and thinks maybe she should go over there.  Cane says let Jack handle it.  “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, Jack?”  He stammers, and Gabe introduces himself.  He seems to be as tall as Joe Superman. 

 

Kelly Andrews is the special event coordinator.  He charmingly compliments her work.  “Thanks for letting me tag along,” he says to Jack, natural as can be, “I really appreciate it.”  Jack’s about to have a stroke.  Gabe’s going to go check out the spread, leaving Jack and Kelly alone in the lobby.  She takes some champagne from a servant.  “What’s the matter, Jack?” says asks smoothly, “Does being alone with me make you uncomfortable?"  LOL  Poor Kelly.  Being alone with ADAM makes him uncomfortable.

 

“If you think I’m going to throw a drink in Phyllis’ face, or yours, you can relax.  That would be a waste of good champagne, now wouldn’t it?” I think she’s going to throw all those drinks down her throat.  Gullible Jack smiles, like this is for real.  So where is his date?  She’s on the way.  Kelly seems like she’s handling things…well.  Pretty upbeat.  Well, what choice does she have, she says all charmingly.  “Can’t do anything about the events of the past year, but this next year could be full of all kinds of unexpected surprises.”  Jack is starting to realize this might be bad.

 

Ashley and Joe walk up.  “Well, hello, Kelly.  How are you?”  A little busy, but she hopes it all pays off when everyone has a wonderful time!  See ya!  I guess it’s too much to hope that she’s going to blow up the whole damn place with everyone in it.  Ashley introduces Joe to Jack.  “Just the kind of forward thinking businessman we’ve been looking for,” schmoozes Joe.  Jack’s like, is this guy schmoozing me??

 

Avery can’t take her eyes off of Joe.  She is super…agitated.  Dylan says she promised to keep the schmoozing to a minimum!  Tonight is supposed to be about them!  OMG, Dylan!  Can’t you see Joe over there schmoozing up JACK?!  Dylan doesn’t care.  “We’re not gonna change anyone’s mind.  We gotta get’em on OUR turf.  Crimson Lights has great home field advantage.”  It’s holy ground.  Avery finally agrees.  This is NOT how she wants to ring in 2015, so let’s get out of here.

 

Ashley explains to Jack that she knew Joe in New York.  So what brings him to town?  Commercial real estate.  In fact, he and Cane are hosting an event to explain the project, and he’d like Jack to be his personal guest.  Sounds interesting, says Jack, but he has to find his, ummm, friend.  He asks Cane and Lily if they’ve seen this friend, Gabriel.  “Like the angel?” asks Lily.  Not exactly, says Jack.  Maybe a fallen one.

 

Chelsea comes downstairs dressed for the party.  Ummm…it’s a bright red Chelsea Lawson original.  From what decade, I’m not sure.  The 40’s?  The 80’s?  Chelsea definitely can’t get enough of the those hi-lo hems, but the sweetheart neckline, and layered puffy sleeves, and satin sash?  And bouncy hair…with a horrible, clunky black necklace?  WHY?  Anita thinks she’s a knockout.  The color is nice.  Put her good genes to work, and don’t keep that rich, handsome man WAITING for her.  Chelsea says she really has rich, handsome men on the brain.   Did she get that guy’s number?  Nah.  Anita tells her she was nice to Billy and told him how grateful she was for putting a smile back on her face.  Awww, especially after all those ominous warnings that he would dump her for Victoria.  Hey, they should still keep their fingers crossed!  No, it’s a done deal, says Chelsea.  Victoria is no longer a threat.  Like yesterday when he boo hooed on her shoulder about how they conquered the world!!!  What Chelsea and Billy have has got legs, she says.  But no brains.

 

Stitch recites baby reflux statistics to Victoria.  Her fever is low grade and will pass by morning.  Is he SURE?  Hey, remember when he was a pediatrician before he became a liver transplant specialist?  He’s 100% sure!  These things bother the parents more than the kid.  HOW can he be SURE, though.  He’s like, ummm, I’m a doctor? 

 

Billy walks in.  Look, Stitch, no offense, but you’re not practicing medicine anymore.  That was at least a month ago, so your medical training has totally expired.  Billy’s medical expertise is completely up to date, because HE’S Katie’s dad, so there’s every reason to be concerned.  Stitch swallows some vomit and says it never hurts to err on the side of caution, instead of punching Billy in the throat.  That’s what BILLY was thinking, Stitch, so he’s taking her to urgent care.  Any excuse to pretend he’s in charge of this family instead of going to a party with what’s-her-name.  Stitch says Vicky should go, too, and he’ll stay with the boys.  They decide that Stitch might still be qualified to babysit, and take Katie to clog up urgent care on a holiday with a baby that feels warm to expert Billy.

 

Phyllis hides her dress under her spy coat, as she is wont to do, and Summer says when Jack sees it for the first time, talk about fireworks! Said fireworks might be launched at her from the parapet, but go for it!  Phyllis says if she makes any kind of impression, it’s because she takes after her DAUGHTER.  Riiight.  Tell Austin how much she loves the video he made her.  Summer races off into the night.  Phyllis has a flashback to Jack’s real wedding proposal.  She does an alien tick with her head.  Her cell is ringing, so she grabs it up and just says, “Will you please have some patience?  I’m on my way!” she smiles, and also races into the night.  Why do I have a bad feeling about that call?

 

Avery and Dylan have returned to hallowed ground at Crimson Lights.  Blah blah blah.  He plays music on the jukebox and they slow dance and kiss.  They feel complete.

\

Joe and Ashley banter.  Is he disappointed Avery left?  Nope.  He’s been looking for Jack, though.   Is he playing hard to get, or is that a family trait?  Ash says she’s not hard to get, she’s just being realistic.  Joe says it’s no secret he’s attracted to her.  Hmm, but this New York conversation keeps going round in her head.  “The past rears its ugly head,” says Joe.  Yeah, he admitted he was still carrying a torch for his ex, who remained nameless, and he wouldn’t stop until he got her back.  She’s assuming that was Avery.

 

Cane tells Lily the night is a huge success.  She says don’t jinx it, Kelly has vanished.  Cane says to stop playing mother to Kelly.  Cane found a roooom upstairs, so let’s gooooo. 

 

Chelsea shows up.  She walks in the bar looking around for Billy.  Adam lights up like a kid.  “You looking for someone?”  She turns and stares.  Damn.  He’s too cute.

 

Stupid Billy is back from urgent care with one healthy baby, still in time to celebrate New Year’s.  Stitch left a note that he took the boys to get hot cocoa.  Good, now Billy doesn’t have to listen to him say he was right that Katie just had reflux.  Vicky says he wouldn’t.  Well, Billy would.  Blah blah blah.  They act like they’ve never had a kid before.  Vicky says this is so nice.  Blaaaah blah.  BLAH!

 

Phyllis drives to the party, and pats her hair, and smiles, but it’s weird.  Something is obviously off.  Is Kelly going to throw herself in front of the car in some kind of ghastly suicide?  Nope, she’s reappeared in the club lobby.  Gosh, if Phyllis isn’t there, she and Jack have time to talk.  I guess she just cut her brake lines.  Jack seems confused.

 

Phyllis’ car doesn’t crash in a ravine or anything.  It just dies by the side of the road.  She can’t be out of gas!  Not on NYE!

 

Gabe/Adam chats up Chelsea.  She’s Connor’s mom, right?  She made quite an impression at the park.  Looks like they’re both alone, he says.  Not really!  Oh, is she waiting for her husband?  He’s NOT her husband, she says quickly.  Too quickly.  Then what is he?  She’s still trying to figure that out.  I guess “boyfriend” is too easy.  Gabedam asks what’s to figure out?  She flaps.  It’s…complicated.   He says it would have to be complicated…she’s waiting for a man that’s not her husband, yet she’s wearing a wedding ring.  Chelsea’s like, ummm.  Adam has a satisfied little smirk. He knows why she’s wearing it. SHE LOVES HIM LIKE NO ONE ELSE!!!

 

Happy New Year, everyone!  ~Peach

[peach]

Tue, Dec 30  Schmoozin' and Boozin'

 

It’s New Year’s Eve.  Ashley is in the lobby of the club leaving Joe a voicemail.  She’s waiting for you, Handsome.  She’s wearing a shimmery, one shoulder, teal evening gown.  She runs into Stitch, who’s just dressed like a regular guy.  They smile awkwardly like this is supposed to actually be awkward.  It isn’t.

 

Victoria’s staying in with Katie and Reed, who looks like Billy, Jr.  Blah baby blah.  She tells Reed they’re all going to be together now, Reed, Johnny, and Katie, as one big happy family, except Reed lives 1,000 miles away.  “But where’s Billy?” asks Reed.

 

Billy is asking Chels for help with his cuff links, because his shirt is too stiff.  Matches the rest of him.  She comes in wearing a gray sweater with sequins and beads all over the shoulders.  What’s the deal, they’re going to the party at the club!  Oh, this is her “don’t let Connor spill anything on me strategy.”  Because that’s really a sweater you can just toss in the washing machine, and babies love resting their heads on sequins.  She’ll get really dressed when Anita shows up to babysit.  She wants to be half of the most stylish couple at the party!  Chels is already fantasizing about kissing him at midnight.  So where is her mom anyway?!

 

Anita is trying to choose “an adorable cupcake for my adorable daughter’s adorable son” at Crimson Lights.  She’s getting some advice from ADAM.  Anita is VERY into him.  He thinks she should pick the one with a dinosaur on it, because any boy would love it.  “You.  I know what you’re doing,” says Anita.  He looks worried, but I’m sure she just thinks you’re flirting with her.   Maybe he should look worried.

 

Avery and Dylan are getting ready for the party.  Um..wow.  I guess her usual extravagant display of cleavage is just her day look.  This dress plunges a lot further.  It looks like something Sophia Loren would wear.  Plunging black halter bodice with a gold, shimmery skirt.  Her hair is swept back Princess Grace style, though.  Dylan is digging it, and nuzzles her neck.  They should make NYE be just about them.  Nope.  Their landmark status got shut down so they need to get to that party and schmooze the hell out of everyone important. 

 

“Do you really think schmoozing’s going to help?” asks Dylan.   Avery’s like, YES!  Duh.  Schmoozing makes the world go round, dummy.  And he can bet Joe Clark will be working that room.  Oh, is that why they’re going to this party?  So he can compete with Joe?  Well, then, Dylan doesn’t want to go.  Let’s just stay in.  Avery’s like, umm, how can I explain this using smaller words?  How about if they leave at midnight?  “No schmoozing,” gripes Dylan.  “Minimal schmoozing,” insists Avery.  “I just want tonight to be about us.”  And neck kissing.  Well, she didn’t buy this dress for that, Dylan.  Ringing in the New Year together IS about them.  They leave.

 

Joe’s already schmoozing, of course.  He tells Cane the place looks great!  He really appreciates Lily going all out to make this event so awesome, what with the grocery store star balloons and everything.  He knows his cocktail party will take away any and all doubt about his project.  Like Lily, who’s one of the doubters, asks Cane.  Joe is confident he can change her mind. 

 

Cane grins, but it’s not very friendly.  “You can charm anyone, can’t you?”  Oh, well, not everyone, just 98 -99%, says Joe.  “Well, Lily’s that 1 or 2%,” insists Cane.  “For now,” says Joe.  Cane points out that his charm doesn’t work on his ex, either.  “Well, when charm doesn’t work, you try something new,” says Joe, smiling.  Like what?  “The night is young,” grins Joe, walking away.  Cane seems like he doesn’t know whether to admire or fear Joe.  Or both.

 

Kelly and Lily are going over details in the office.  Kelly is dressed like Veronica Lake, or the mother of the bride, or something.  Navy blue lace.  The short sleeves ruin it.  They should be cap sleeves or something.  Her hair and makeup look very pretty though.  NO red lipstick.  But I think she still might go crazy tonight.   Lily is NOT wearing a floor length evening gown.  SHOCKER.  Her dress might actually a smidge longer than her barely there business attire, and is a soft, swingy, pleated, silvery ombre thing.   Sorry I’m not a better fashion describer.  Hmm, from the side…it’s looks slightly like maternity wear.  If Jennifer Aniston wore this dress she would be declared pregnant for the 432nd time. Lily's hair is in a soft updo that's perfect and gorgeous.

 

Kelly wants everything to be JUST RIGHT.  Lily still thinks she should take the night off.  Kelly’s like, why?  “Um, because Jack and Phyllis are coming?”   She knows what’s going to happen as soon as they walk through the door. Look, Kelly’s worked too hard to make this party a success.  And she’s not going to let anything, or ANYBODY, ruin it.  Plus, it’s like, a party.  She already spent Christmas alone.

 

Jack’s already in his tux, while Phyllis runs around in a GCRB robe.  But Jack should be prepare to be DAZZLED.  She’s going to look super fantastic faster than he can think.  Her hair looks stupid, so I hope she’s not going with that.  Okay, but Jack’s in no rush.  “I want tonight to be perfect!” says Phyllis.  Perfectly awful for Kelly.  Jack says it will be, but he’s not very enthused. 

 

She asks how he spent LAST NYE, because that wasn’t in the video Austin made.  His sisters twisted his arm into going to the bash at the club.  Solo??  He just told you, he went with his SISTERS.  And it sucked, it was the usual try hard event NYE always is.  Booze and such.  All the things he tries to avoid, because HE’S AN ADDICT, Phyllis. This isn’t his favorite holiday.  “How about the party planner?  Did you avoid her?”  Jack’s like…great.  I’m pretty sure the shiny party planner was still a despondent kindergarten teacher last NYE anyway.

 

After the break there was some weird edit, and Jack says he’s just fine seeing Kelly at the party.  But he seems  worried about something.  Is it Phyllis?  “You do have a penchant for turning special events into grand opera.”   Why, whatever is he talking about?  She’s about as subtle as Scarlett O’Hara.  Hmm, Shick’s wedding?  “That was an exceptional situation,” she says with self-satisfaction.  There have been a few exceptional situations over the years, says Jack.  She thought he LOVED her flair for the dramatic.  “NOT. Tonight,” he says seriously.  Oh, now, she knows when to turn on the insanity and when to turn it off.  “Since when?” says Jack.  Since tonight.  It’s her NY resolution. 

 

She really just wants to be with her friends and ring out 2014 and all its darkest moments.  Jack says there were some great moments.  Like, maybe two.  Phyllis knows how hard this year has been for him, and he has not complained, thinking it was worse for her.  It WAS worse for her, he says.  “I slept through most of it,” she jokes.  But Jack suffered many losses.  Losing his idiot daughter back to Nick, and the unbearable tragedy of Delia, which also cost him someone he thought of as a son, even if Adam didn’t deserve it.  Jack falters at the mention of Adam.  Tonight, Phyllis wants to leave the sadness and ring in the New Year.  They kiss. 

 

Summer comes barging in and interrupts.  She’s meeting Austin at The Underground for NYE and her dress is a DISASTER!  WAAH!  Phyllis is thrilled.  “My daughter needs me!  This year is getting off to a perfect start!”  She jumps up to help Summer, and Jack looks away, losing his smile and looking terribly worried or sad or something not good.

 

Yep, Anita thinks Adam is flirting with her.  He goes for it.  And let him pay for that cupcake, since he suggested it.  Gosh, you think they can break a hundred dollar bill?  It’s all he’s got, he says, casually dropping it on the counter.  He knows Anita, all right.  She’ll be ready to bag him for Chelsea in no time.  “Let’s be honest,” says Adam.  “You’re too young to be a grandmother.  This cupcake is for your date, right?”  She does have a date with the cutest little boy in the world.  “It’s just hard to believe someone as alluring as you wouldn’t be out on the town on NYE.”  Well, her Chelsea’s had a hell of a year, and she deserves to go out and have some fun.  He easily gets her to tell him where Chelsea’s going.  The GCAC.   I mean, anyone who’s anyone will be there.  Well, that’s pretty darn convenient.

 

Billy tells Chelsea to get dressed, and he’ll go track down Anita!  Geez, why is he in such a hurry?  The party won’t get going til later, and only dweebs show up early.  Well, he wants to make a stop on the way, at Victoria’s, of course.  He wants to wish Reed a happy new year.  Chelsea thinks he should go do that while she gets ready.  But he wants her to come!  Oh, Billy, she doesn’t have to be by his side every time he goes to Victoria’s!  Omg, your mother is going to slap you for that.  She needs time to make herself presentable.  Billy says she could wear a burlap sack and still be the most beautiful woman in the room.  She pushes him off to Vicky’s, and besides, she reminds him, Victoria has SOMEONE ELSE to be kissing at midnight, while she is kissing Billy.  So there.

 

Stitch tells Ashley she looks amazing!  “You look freshly showered,” says Ashley.  Um, gross.  “You know how I like a good, hot shower,” says Stitch.  Nervous chuckles.  He’s skipping the party for a quiet celebration at home.  “With Victoria?” asks Ash.  He seems worried about admitting it.  She pushes his shoulder and says not to be like that.  It was JUST one, great night that she can never stop mentioning. They’re adults, so let’s move on. 

 

She acts mysterious about having a date, but Stitch knows she ain’t wearing that dress for Abby.  No, indeed.  Smokin’ Joe walks up and stands a head taller than Stitch.  Ashley introduces them.  Stitch is like…holy shit.  Okay, well happy new year.  He leaves.  Joe says Ashley looks stunning.  “So do you,” she says.  Yes. He shaved, btw. She takes his arm, and Dylan and Avery and Avery’s boobs walk in.  They act awkward, and Ashley clearly doesn’t get what their damage is.

 

Victoria reminds Reed that Billy doesn’t live there anymore.  But he’ll always be his dad, besides his other dad, just like she’ll always be his mom.  Reed’s third dad shows up.  Stitch tells him he’s got a son his age named Max, but he’s in Australia.  He’s got some cool videos of him boogie boarding because it’s summer there.  Reed thinks those would be cool to watch, because his own devices must have a dead battery.  Vicky thinks he’s wowed her son into wanting to spend New Year’s on the beach.  Who wouldn’t?  Stitch says maybe next year.  She likes the sound of that.  “We’ve got nothing but time,” he says.

 

Anita shows up at the penthouse.  Why doesn’t she answer her phone?!  So Chelsea can only nag her once for being late.  She had to stop and pick up a treat.  Billy admits any boy would love to get that dinosaur cupcake.  Always wanting what Adam wants.  “Well, that’s what HE said!” cries Anita.  Who, Dylan?  NO!  This rich, handsome young man who picked it out, and then insisted on buying it for her!  How young, asks Billy.  Old enough to know a good thing when he sees it!  He was flirting shamelessly with her!  Shameless is about right.  Okay, well, Billy has to go see the kids, and Chels will meet him at the party. She runs upstairs to change.  Anita gives Billy a NY hug.  He asks if they’re starting the year with a clean slate.  She still has her doubts about his loyalty to Chelsea, with his ex waiting in the wings.  But she can’t deny he brings a smile to her face, and after Adam died, she never thought she’d see her happy again.

 

Summer wasn’t going to buy a new dress since they’re sticking to a budget, but if she wears this old one, it makes her look like a little girl.  “Can we dooo something to it?” she whines.  Right, your dress is what makes you seem like a little girl.  Phyllis peeks in her garment bag.  YUCK!  That one’s a disaster, but Phyllis has a dress she can wear that’s sleek and sophisticated.  I don’t like Summer’s hair either.  It’s supposed to be a fancy updo, but she looks like an English maid.  Jack says he has end of the year paperwork to finish at the office, which really sounds like a CEO’s job, so he will just meet them at the party later.  Summer just wants him to know how awesome he was to her this past year.  And still is, because I’m pretty sure she isn’t paying rent now, either.  He’s grateful he got to be there for her when her mom couldn’t.  They hug.

 

Well…Avery didn’t know Ashley and Joe were friends.   Why would she know who any of Joe’s friends are?  “We knew each other in New York,” explains Ashley.  And that is a gorgeous ring Avery is wearing.  Ash heard they got engaged.  “Thank you,” says Avery, “has Joe tried to enlist you yet in his redevelopment project?”  Dylan suggests they go celebrate New Year’s.  Cane comes along and coaxes them into the bar. 

 

Avery grabs Joe by the arm first.  “You knew each other in New York?” she accuses.  He’s like yeah, is there a problem with that?  “I just hope you’re not using Ashley to push my buttons!” says Avery.  Right, what other possible reason would Joe want to date a gorgeous woman on NYE.   I thought Avery didn’t care about Joe Clark.  “Ashley is a beautiful, successful woman in her own right.  Give us some credit.”   Okay, fine.  She starts to walk away.  “HOWEVER…if I WAS trying to push your buttons, it looks like I was successful.”  Avery stares.  Way to play it cool.

 

Billy holds Katie.  Blah blah.  Victoria slobbers all over him right in front of Stitch.  “You always did know how to wear a suit,” she praises.  “NOT that there’s anything wrong with the ‘all natural’ look,” she says, throwing Stitch a bone.  That’s fine, he prefers his jeans and boots for hanging out with old Reed here, tossing the football around.  Billy’s going up to give Johnny a hug before he goes to the party.  Reed looks bummed.  Doesn’t Billy have time for one video game, asks Victoria.  No problemo!  Reed is thrilled. They run off.  Victoria thanks Stitch for playing nice with Billy.  It’s easy, like everything is easy for Stitch now.  He’s starting off this New Year happier than he’s been in a long time.  Oh no!  The baby spits up!  That’s because you and Stitch are gross.  She’s really warm, too!  OMG!  SOMETHING’S WRONG!

 

“You DID push my buttons, Joe,” complains Avery.  She really knows how to play her cards close to the vest.  Especially for an attorney.  “Longing for days past,” says Joe.  “I’m ANNOYED,” says Avery, which I guess means jealous and tingly.  “At me,” says Joe.  No, at HERSELF.  She wonders if she ever really knew the man she married.  “We knew each other better than we’ve ever known anyone else.”   Sure, why not.  It’s a trend.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, my date is waiting.”  He walks away.

 

Avery stomps into the bar where Dylan gives her champagne.  She looks like it bothers her he’s with Ashley.  “No!  I don’t care who he dates!”  She says it’s just REGRET, that she didn’t find Dylan before she married Joe.  And she hopes for Ashley’s sake, she doesn’t get too involved with Joe Clark.  “The man thinks the world revolves around him,” she says uncomfortably.

 

Joe brings Ashley champagne while she poses with her hand on her hip.  She’s curious why he never told her about Avery.  Meh, why dwell on stuff like that?  She can understand that.  He says why focus on the past?  Tonight is about the future.  They toast.  Rawr.

 

Lily tells Cane she’s worried about Kelly.  Blah blah.  Jack walks in.  Lily thinks she should warn him that Kelly who works there is working there.   She has a really bad feeling about this.

 

Summer twirls around in a black, one shoulder dress that seems to be the same dress as Ashley’s.  Only black and boring and short.  It literally looks like someone just sliced off one shoulder.  What a yuck neckline.  Phyllis thinks it looks wonderful on her.  Um, no.  She gets all choked up over what a beautiful young woman her little girl has become. “Are you going to CRY?” laughs Summer.  NO! Phyllis doesn’t cry.  She makes people cry. 

 

They realize the last time they did this, it was before the MS event.  Summer remembers every moment of that night.  Then Phyllis got so sick, and she was trying to get used to being Jack’s daughter, and trying to get over Kyle. Wah, wah, wah.  Blah blah, it’s over now, and in a few hours it will be a brand new year.  What does Phyllis want?  She wants to marry Jack, and play with Summer, and have fun at work, and not waste a single minute.  What does Summer want?  To sit on a bar stool at The Underground.  Phyllis says she gets to live her life the way she wants to.  But not really.

 

Adam’s in the club lobby, arguing with Sage on the phone. He DID check on Constance and she was SLEEPING.  If something changes, pick up the phone.  He looks breathtaking.  “I know what I’m doing, okay?  I didn’t spend all this time becoming Gabriel Bingham so that somebody could figure out who I was.  Not my brother, not anybody!”  Jack didn’t have to figure it out, because YOU TOLD HIM!  He hangs up with frustration.

 

Jack rushes up to him.  Is THIS how he keeps his promise about starting a new and better life, skulking around here??  How could anyone possibly have a better life AWAY from the athletic club.  He’s not SKULKING, Jack.  He’s blending in.  You know, as his business associate.  That IS how he introduced him to Billy, right?  Let’s not forget that it’s him we’re protecting.  Jack doesn’t need a reminder.   “I’m just keeping ya honest,” says Adam.  He thinks in the new year, they should figure out a way to work together!  Like it's no big deal.  Jack is speechless.

 

They’re interrupted by Kelly coming downstairs like the madam of a cat house.   “Good evening, gentleman!”  Okay, the dress looks a little better now that I can see the hemline, but I’m still 99% sure it came from David’s Bridal.  Lily sees and thinks maybe she should go over there.  Cane says let Jack handle it.  “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, Jack?”  He stammers, and Gabe introduces himself.  He seems to be as tall as Joe Superman. 

 

Kelly Andrews is the special event coordinator.  He charmingly compliments her work.  “Thanks for letting me tag along,” he says to Jack, natural as can be, “I really appreciate it.”  Jack’s about to have a stroke.  Gabe’s going to go check out the spread, leaving Jack and Kelly alone in the lobby.  She takes some champagne from a servant.  “What’s the matter, Jack?” says asks smoothly, “Does being alone with me make you uncomfortable?"  LOL  Poor Kelly.  Being alone with ADAM makes him uncomfortable.

 

“If you think I’m going to throw a drink in Phyllis’ face, or yours, you can relax.  That would be a waste of good champagne, now wouldn’t it?” I think she’s going to throw all those drinks down her throat.  Gullible Jack smiles, like this is for real.  So where is his date?  She’s on the way.  Kelly seems like she’s handling things…well.  Pretty upbeat.  Well, what choice does she have, she says all charmingly.  “Can’t do anything about the events of the past year, but this next year could be full of all kinds of unexpected surprises.”  Jack is starting to realize this might be bad.

 

Ashley and Joe walk up.  “Well, hello, Kelly.  How are you?”  A little busy, but she hopes it all pays off when everyone has a wonderful time!  See ya!  I guess it’s too much to hope that she’s going to blow up the whole damn place with everyone in it.  Ashley introduces Joe to Jack.  “Just the kind of forward thinking businessman we’ve been looking for,” schmoozes Joe.  Jack’s like, is this guy schmoozing me??

 

Avery can’t take her eyes off of Joe.  She is super…agitated.  Dylan says she promised to keep the schmoozing to a minimum!  Tonight is supposed to be about them!  OMG, Dylan!  Can’t you see Joe over there schmoozing up JACK?!  Dylan doesn’t care.  “We’re not gonna change anyone’s mind.  We gotta get’em on OUR turf.  Crimson Lights has great home field advantage.”  It’s holy ground.  Avery finally agrees.  This is NOT how she wants to ring in 2015, so let’s get out of here.

 

Ashley explains to Jack that she knew Joe in New York.  So what brings him to town?  Commercial real estate.  In fact, he and Cane are hosting an event to explain the project, and he’d like Jack to be his personal guest.  Sounds interesting, says Jack, but he has to find his, ummm, friend.  He asks Cane and Lily if they’ve seen this friend, Gabriel.  “Like the angel?” asks Lily.  Not exactly, says Jack.  Maybe a fallen one.

 

Chelsea comes downstairs dressed for the party.  Ummm…it’s a bright red Chelsea Lawson original.  From what decade, I’m not sure.  The 40’s?  The 80’s?  Chelsea definitely can’t get enough of the those hi-lo hems, but the sweetheart neckline, and layered puffy sleeves, and satin sash?  And bouncy hair…with a horrible, clunky black necklace?  WHY?  Anita thinks she’s a knockout.  The color is nice.  Put her good genes to work, and don’t keep that rich, handsome man WAITING for her.  Chelsea says she really has rich, handsome men on the brain.   Did she get that guy’s number?  Nah.  Anita tells her she was nice to Billy and told him how grateful she was for putting a smile back on her face.  Awww, especially after all those ominous warnings that he would dump her for Victoria.  Hey, they should still keep their fingers crossed!  No, it’s a done deal, says Chelsea.  Victoria is no longer a threat.  Like yesterday when he boo hooed on her shoulder about how they conquered the world!!!  What Chelsea and Billy have has got legs, she says.  But no brains.

 

Stitch recites baby reflux statistics to Victoria.  Her fever is low grade and will pass by morning.  Is he SURE?  Hey, remember when he was a pediatrician before he became a liver transplant specialist?  He’s 100% sure!  These things bother the parents more than the kid.  HOW can he be SURE, though.  He’s like, ummm, I’m a doctor? 

 

Billy walks in.  Look, Stitch, no offense, but you’re not practicing medicine anymore.  That was at least a month ago, so your medical training has totally expired.  Billy’s medical expertise is completely up to date, because HE’S Katie’s dad, so there’s every reason to be concerned.  Stitch swallows some vomit and says it never hurts to err on the side of caution, instead of punching Billy in the throat.  That’s what BILLY was thinking, Stitch, so he’s taking her to urgent care.  Any excuse to pretend he’s in charge of this family instead of going to a party with what’s-her-name.  Stitch says Vicky should go, too, and he’ll stay with the boys.  They decide that Stitch might still be qualified to babysit, and take Katie to clog up urgent care on a holiday with a baby that feels warm to expert Billy.

 

Phyllis hides her dress under her spy coat, as she is wont to do, and Summer says when Jack sees it for the first time, talk about fireworks! Said fireworks might be launched at her from the parapet, but go for it!  Phyllis says if she makes any kind of impression, it’s because she takes after her DAUGHTER.  Riiight.  Tell Austin how much she loves the video he made her.  Summer races off into the night.  Phyllis has a flashback to Jack’s real wedding proposal.  She does an alien tick with her head.  Her cell is ringing, so she grabs it up and just says, “Will you please have some patience?  I’m on my way!” she smiles, and also races into the night.  Why do I have a bad feeling about that call?

 

Avery and Dylan have returned to hallowed ground at Crimson Lights.  Blah blah blah.  He plays music on the jukebox and they slow dance and kiss.  They feel complete.

\

Joe and Ashley banter.  Is he disappointed Avery left?  Nope.  He’s been looking for Jack, though.   Is he playing hard to get, or is that a family trait?  Ash says she’s not hard to get, she’s just being realistic.  Joe says it’s no secret he’s attracted to her.  Hmm, but this New York conversation keeps going round in her head.  “The past rears its ugly head,” says Joe.  Yeah, he admitted he was still carrying a torch for his ex, who remained nameless, and he wouldn’t stop until he got her back.  She’s assuming that was Avery.

 

Cane tells Lily the night is a huge success.  She says don’t jinx it, Kelly has vanished.  Cane says to stop playing mother to Kelly.  Cane found a roooom upstairs, so let’s gooooo. 

 

Chelsea shows up.  She walks in the bar looking around for Billy.  Adam lights up like a kid.  “You looking for someone?”  She turns and stares.  Damn.  He’s too cute.

 

Stupid Billy is back from urgent care with one healthy baby, still in time to celebrate New Year’s.  Stitch left a note that he took the boys to get hot cocoa.  Good, now Billy doesn’t have to listen to him say he was right that Katie just had reflux.  Vicky says he wouldn’t.  Well, Billy would.  Blah blah blah.  They act like they’ve never had a kid before.  Vicky says this is so nice.  Blaaaah blah.  BLAH!

 

Phyllis drives to the party, and pats her hair, and smiles, but it’s weird.  Something is obviously off.  Is Kelly going to throw herself in front of the car in some kind of ghastly suicide?  Nope, she’s reappeared in the club lobby.  Gosh, if Phyllis isn’t there, she and Jack have time to talk.  I guess she just cut her brake lines.  Jack seems confused.

 

Phyllis’ car doesn’t crash in a ravine or anything.  It just dies by the side of the road.  She can’t be out of gas!  Not on NYE!

 

Gabe/Adam chats up Chelsea.  She’s Connor’s mom, right?  She made quite an impression at the park.  Looks like they’re both alone, he says.  Not really!  Oh, is she waiting for her husband?  He’s NOT her husband, she says quickly.  Too quickly.  Then what is he?  She’s still trying to figure that out.  I guess “boyfriend” is too easy.  Gabedam asks what’s to figure out?  She flaps.  It’s…complicated.   He says it would have to be complicated…she’s waiting for a man that’s not her husband, yet she’s wearing a wedding ring.  Chelsea’s like, ummm.  Adam has a satisfied little smirk. He knows why she’s wearing it. SHE LOVES HIM LIKE NO ONE ELSE!!!

 

Happy New Year, everyone!  ~Peach

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[peach]

I tried three times to get rid of that double post, and it won't go away.  Sorry, peeps!

 

I promise not to save Nick in the woods.  Happy New Year!

[Capricasix]

Have a super New Year, Peach, and I don't think I'm alone in saying that I'm looking forward to lots more peachcaps in 2015!

[Blueeyes]

Happy New Year Peach!! Excellent work on your recaps - love reading them!!

[Anna Yolei]

You know Jack knows it’s true.  “You TOOK his daughter, Adam!  And now you’re threatening to put him in prison!  This is the kind of man you are now?”  What kind of man did you think he was before, Jack?  The kind that gaslighted your sister?  Plus I don’t think I’d be very forgiving after the kidnapping/shooting/exploding/drowning incident, myself.  “I’m a DESPERATE man, that’s what I am now!”  He was trapped in that bed for year, bandaged like mummy in someone else’s life.

 

Yeah, I can understand Jack having no loyalty to Billy and especially Ashley who have turned on him to side with Newmans; but Delia was an innocent kid. He should have some loyalty to her as well as his unborn niece that Gabriadam threw in the fire after spooking Ash with wearing the previous Mrs. Victor Newman's dress.

[NinjaPenguins]

I didn't see today's episode, so I am grateful for an excellent peachcap!

 

What the hell is with Ashley? She is begging for a sexual harassment lawsuit so hard. Friendly word of advice: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THAT HUNGOVER, SLOPPY WORKPLACE SHOWER SEX!

 

 

Billy walks in.  Look, Stitch, no offense, but you’re not practicing medicine anymore.

 

Exactly. Whereas Billy is currently in the third year of his orangeness residency and well on his way to becoming a fully licensed doucheologist.

 

 

Adam has a satisfied little smirk. He knows why she’s wearing it. SHE LOVES HIM LIKE NO ONE ELSE!!!

 

Did Adam stick his head in Nick's bear trap? Don't get me wrong; what woman wouldn't want to be wooed by a legally dead man wearing another man's face? The spy cams in the nursery and lurking in the penthouse while Chelsea and Billy play grab ass only sweeten the pot. And yet as offensive as Adam's behavior is, I still think he can do better than Chelsea. Sad.

 

Happy New Years to all! Peach, while you're out in the wilderness, perhaps you'll find the answer to that haunting question: does a bear shit in the woods? If you find Nick Newman sprawled on the ground, you'll know the answer is a resounding yes.

[crosby777]

 

Phyllis was pretty campy yesterday and I think she is headed more that way with the character than when she first came back from the coma.

YAY... I love campy Phyllis... over dramatic Phyllis and feisty Phyllis..

[Canadian]

 

Happy New Years to all! Peach, while you're out in the wilderness, perhaps you'll find the answer to that haunting question: does a bear shit in the woods? If you find Nick Newman sprawled on the ground, you'll know the answer is a resounding yes.

OMG this comment is priceless...great way to start my day, NinjaPenguins you never fail to make me smile..it will be wonderful if peach can finally answer that age old question for us, hopefully her answer will be in her next recap...Happy New Year my friend...

[Slowpokey]

Great recaps Peach!!. The best thread on this board!!! To you and to all the wonderful posters on this board."Happy New Year!"

[peacheslatour]

Happy New Year everyone!  And peach, please take good care of your fine self out there in the wilderness! 

[Petunia13]

Amazing job, peach !! Have a great NYE everyone!

[photo fox]

Happy New Year everyone!

peach, if you find a hot millionaire wandering around out there who needs a new face and a hiding place to heal, you just send him on up my way, 'kay?

And if you find a douche in a bear trap, drag him behind some zoo rocks and put him out of his (and our) misery!

[Capricasix]

Happy New Year, all! I look forward to another year of snarking with you!

[crosby777]

LOL at Cane running CE...

[Canadian]

Happy New year everyone, may our visits to Genoa City this year of 2015, bring us angst, laughs, tears, and just plain old enjoyment, I am looking forward to a great year conversing with some of the most entertaining, intelligent and just downright amazing posters of any soap message board on the web..Happy New Year to the moderators here who keep us all on the straight and narrow...long reign Genoa City..:0)

[Capricasix]

Happy New year everyone, may our visits to Genoa City this year of 2015, bring us angst, laughs, tears, and just plain old enjoyment, I am looking forward to a great year conversing with some of the most entertaining, intelligent and just downright amazing posters of any soap message board on the web..Happy New Year to the moderators here who keep us all on the straight and narrow...long reign Genoa City..:0)

And the mods who give us cute bunny pictures to boot!

[MollyB]

 

"Kelly coming downstairs like the madam of a cat house": was the biggest laugh for me.  CM probably thought she was playing it like Bette Davis in All About Eve.

Cracked me up, too.  I had the same flash of Bette Davis.  Someone must be watching the old movies 'cause the dress thing was "Rebecca" for me.

And another golden 'peachism': " she takes some champagne from a servant. "  Caught Kelly's new confident mood perfectly-event planner extroidinaire, indeed.  Jack, run fast and far-this will come to no good.

[crosby777]

I really hope we get a worthy cat fight.. the last few have been so lame....and to far between.. I love a good catter.

[peach]

Wed, Dec 31    Shots, Yes?

 

Gabe/Adam asks Chelsea if that IS a wedding ring.  Oh, um, no, she just wears it to keep guys from buying her drinks.  Gabadam’s like, that’s a dumb answer, but he asks if she’s got something against free drinks.  No, but it’s easier than saying thanks, she’s flattered, but no thanks.  She hastily takes off the ring and stuffs it in her purse.  So, says Gabadam, now that the ring is gone, and she’s not afraid of free drinks, how about some champagne?  That’s a really free drink, since he didn’t pay for it.  “Thanks, I’m flattered, but no thanks,” smiles Chelsea.  Ha.  So clever.  She should really wait for her date.  Of course, agrees our charming Gabadam.  He doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea or anything, he’s waiting for someone, too.  He’s been waiting on her a long time, he says.  Chelsea says she must be very special.  “She’s perfect,” says Gabadam, with meaning.  Huh, and all this time I thought it was Chelsea.

 

Victor’s at the ranch, on the phone with Joe Clark.  He expects him to do his job, and sell the warehouse property!  I thought Joe’s job was to BUY the warehouse property, and since the buyer WANTS to sell it, this story is meaningless, but whatever, once he’s sold the property to himself, he should call Victor. 

 

Nikki walks in wearing various shades of black and taupe sparkles.  She seems kind of out of it.  She’s just been thinking about this year they’ve had.  She wants Victor to make her promise that she won’t be left in the dark anymore.  That he’ll be honest with her even if what he says might upset her?  “Well…can you promise the same?” he asks.  Cough*adoptedbabies*cough.  Nikki sort of half smiles and glances at the liquor bottles.  Nope.  These two should probably just stick to having secrets, which, of course, they will.

 

The party’s underway at The Underground.  Harding stands in the center of the much shorter group lined up to hear Kevin tell the rousing tale of his bunnysitting adventures.  Mariah looks fantastic, Summer looks meh, Courtney looks like Barbarella, Noah looks like his regular adorable self.  No one can explain to me why THE Abby Newman is at the low rent party, but she looks pretty.  She’s with no one in particular, and Devon’s with Gwen who looks like Tia Carrere and is wearing a hot, little, aqua, sparkly cocktail dress.  Abby’s date just keeps saying, “Shots, yes?” like the Swedish chef on The Muppets.  She doesn’t seem to find it charming.

 

They all tease Harding about his baby bunnies.  Summer says to give him a break, it’s bad enough he doesn’t have a date on NYE!  It’s a damn crime, I say.  He says he and his girlfriend, of whom we had no prior knowledge, called it quits.  “She dumped you,” corrects Kevin.  “Yeah, she said I didn’t understand women, whatever that means,” shrugs Harding.  Well, says Abby, if the Roscoe the bunny mama is any indication, he clearly has a disconnect with the opposite sex.  “Shots, yes?” says her date.  He must know that’s the only way to get through this show.   “Who is this guy?” asks Devon quizzically.  “That would be my date,” gripes Abby.  Like none of them like doing shots. 

 

Jack insists to super crazy smiling Kelly that if his being there bothers her, he and Phyllis can certainly celebrate NY’s elsewhere.  Sure they can.  But Kelly keeps smoothly insisting she doesn’t have ANY problem with him being there.  “Good,” says Jack, “because I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”  Kelly thinks HE is the one who’s hurting.  Jack’s like, ummm, why?  Cuuuz, he feels pretty good.  “Because you’re still in love with me,” she coos.  “And now you’re stuck with Phyllis,” she adds, wrinkling her nose.  Jack frowns. Issss she crazy, or just drunk?

 

Phyllis is freaking out.  How can she be out of gas?   Where is the nearest gas station?  She grabs her phone to find one, instead of just calling Jack, but it doesn’t matter, because her phone is dead!  “HOW CAN YOU BE DEAD?!” she screams at it.  It’s probably just playing dead in terror.  She pounds her steering wheel.  “This is not going to defeat me, mm mmm, “she harsh whispers.  “You know why?  Because you made it here from Georgia with five dollars and a stolen nurse’s uniform, and nothing beats you!  NOTHING BEATS YOU!”  Geez, is this a crazy contest tonight?  You just ran out of gas, it’s not that epic, Phyllis.  Don’t think she won’t WALK to that club, you guys!!  She’s WALKING!!

 

Abby introduces Lars to Everybody.  Everybody, this is Lars.  They all giggle like they’ve never met a foreigner in these here parts before.  Abby explains that stupid old Lars is a new model at Jabot and he doesn’t speak much of "the English."  They all laugh at him.  “Shots, yes?” says Lars.  Personally I think he speaks perfect English and this is his only defense to tolerate these people all night.  Also, Jabot’s models aren’t all that.  Just sayin’. 

 

Harding takes pleasure in telling Abby they say she doesn’t know anything about love, but she’s clearly found something special in this one, princess.  Cheers!  Like Harding or Devon wouldn’t get a medal for bringing a Swiss model that didn’t speak the English to this party.  Abby gets a call from KYLE!  Happy New Year.

 

Kevin jokes with Mariah that once again the sword of righteousness falls on the side of justice.  “Oh, Kevin, you are hardly Plato Sphere vanquishing the enemy!”  What?  Putting Harding in his place is good triumphing over evil.  “Yeah, you’re a regular one-eyed bludgeoner.”  She admits it was fun making fun of Harding, who took it all in good humor.  Kevin says NYE is turning out better than he expected.  Well, don’t get any ideas about midnight, because Mariah isn’t kissing anybody, she claims.

 

Oh, Kyle, WE really missed you over the holidays, gushes Abby.  Summer says to say HNY from her.  “Do it yourself!” says Abby, handing her the phone.  Austin watches disapprovingly from behind the bar.  Kyle!!  Summer kind of awkwardly says hi to Kyle.  Wearing her underage wristband.

 

Gwen tells Devon she’s having a great time, but like, why are they at this dirt hole when there’s a huge party at the club HE OWNS?  Yeah, well, Devon’s always at the club, so he thought they’d have more fun here, away from his mistress stepmother.

 

Nikki tells Victor that Katherine’s favorite charity just called, and their keynote speaker for tonight just cancelled on them, and they want Nikki to fill in.  Victor will go with her, of course!  Oh, sweetheart, it’s a battered women’s shelter, so an abusive husband like him wouldn’t really be welcome.  But sweetheart, he doesn’t want you to go alone!  Darling, it’s important to her.  But, sweetheart, you’re not up to it right now!  You can’t speak at a battered women’s shelter unless I give you permission, darling!  Blah blah.  She can go.  Whoopee.

 

Is Chelsea SURE that Gabadam can’t offer just one champagne.  Oh, sure, why not?  To the new year and new friendships!  Billy finally calls.  They just had a little scare with Katie.  “What kind of scare?”  Well, it was absolutely nothing, but they went to urgent care anyway like the couple of star-crossed idiots they are.  Chelsea would really understand if he wanted to cancel their plans, since the BABY comes first.  Adam listens intently behind her.  Cancel, Billy, cancel!!  Nooo, he wants to start the new year together.  Chelsea smiles.  She’ll see him soon.  “Everything all right with Connor?”  he asks, frowning.  Chelsea looks at him like waaait a minute, weirdo.

 

She gets over it during the commercials and explains that was about her date’s baby girl.  So her date has a baby?  Yep!  Blah blah.  Kids really change you.  He gets her to tell him all about spoiled Connor’s Christmas and all his soccer themed gifts.  Yep, ole Gabe loves the soccer, too.  Well, it’s Connor’s Grandpa hooking him up with that.  Oh, REALLY??  Well, she ought to be careful with that, because sometimes adults pressure kids into places they don’t want to be, like FAKING THEIR OWN DEATHS, you know what I mean?  Chelsea says his grandpa can be a BIT overbearing, but he does love his grandson.  Adam tries not to gag on his champagne.  “I’m sure,” he murmurs.

 

Speak of the DEVIL, there’s Victor now!  Chelsea was just talking about him!  Good things, Victor hopes.  Always!  He frowns like the Grinch at that suspicious elevator guy!  “I didn’t know you two know each other,” he says.  “I saw him in the elevator the other day.”  OMG, Chelsea knows a guy that was on an elevator?!  Adam feigns surprise.  “I can’t believe you remember that,” he gushes.  “You’re meeting all the Newmans,” says Chelsea.  Adam grins, like, yes, I fucking am.  “Does that mean you’ve come to your senses where BillyAbbott is con-cerned?” asks Victor.  Chelsea’s like, oh, Victor.  Adam muses.  Hmm, maybe Grandpa comes in handy once in a while.

 

Stitch has put Johnny and Reed to bed and hopes stupid Billy and Victoria don’t mind him taking them out while they ran their fool’s errand.  Billy admits it was just a tummy upset, and her almost fever is already gone.  “They didn’t even give us antibiotics,” says IDIOT Victoria.  Why the hell would they give you antibiotics?  Billy admits, “You nailed it, Doc.”  Gosh, thanks.  But Victoria says they’ve seen things go wrong with kids before, and they just wanted to be sure.  Doctors never see things go wrong, and Stitch totally understands that privileged, rich people always think they’re right.  They did the right thing wasting the emergency medical staff’s time.  Billy’s glad Stitch will be there to keep an eye on the baby.  He better catch up to Chelsea before she falls in love with Adam again.  He leaves.  Victoria apologizes to Stitch.  She is SO SORRY.

 

Austin is trying to hold off an anxiety attack listening to disgusting richie Summer on the phone with Kyle!!  “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve been skiing OR to Europe?” says Summer.  OMG, it’s been like SO LONG.  Maybe next year, she giggles.  She knows GC isn’t Italy, but they really hope to see him soon!  Austin’s like, ski trip, huh?  Summer says doesn’t that sound fun?  Austin claims he’s more of a hoops kinda guy.  I guess back in the hood, in the vacant lot, with chains for nets. 

 

Summer says he’s never been skiing with HER, though. Austin shrugs.  Sounds like that’s more for rich guys like Kyle. EARTH TO AUSTIN:  YOU’RE RICH NOW.  Summer gushes about sitting in front of the fire at the lodge!  “I’m sure he’s a pro there, too,” pouts poor Austin and starts walking away.  Summer’s like wait!  He has NO reason to be jealous of Kyle!  She’s happy with her life with him!  “Even without all the expensive vacations and stuff?” Absolutely, Austin is everything she will ever want or need!  He promises to make this a great year for them!  Wasn’t her Christmas gift some expensive tickets to a NYE event?  Wth are they doing there?

 

Kelly continues being crazy, as she calmly asserts that Jack’s in an impossible situation. He couldn’t turn his back on Phyllis after her coma.  But he wasn’t lying when he said he loved her and opened his home to her.  He wasn’t lying when he made love to her.  Jack’s like, yo, I love Phyllis and chose HER.  Kelly says feelings like that don’t just go away, Jack.  Tell her she’s wrong!  Tell her he has no feelings left for her like that, whatsoever!  He takes her hands.  “Kelly, I want you to listen to me,” crazy lady.  Man, Phyllis walks fast, you guys.   She’s standing inside the revolving door, watching this scene with demons blazing in her eyes.

 

Abby’s getting her drunk on.  She jokes with Devon and Gwen about how they went out (ONCE) and are better off as friends.  And Gwen and Devon make such an adorable couple!  Gwen appreciates that!  “I hope that you’re divorced, or SEPARATED at least!”  Everyone’s like WHAT?  Oh, Abby just ASSUMED Gwen was the married woman Devon was hung up on!  Omg, too bad Abby CAN speak the English.  What, no?  Gwen’s not married…right??  Nope, not yet, says Gwen.  Oh, well that’s GREAT!  Devon’s moved on from Mrs. Jones and can have a real relationship with someone great!  Gwen’s like, wow.  This is getting weird.  “SHOTS, yes?” says Lars.  Harding makes fun.  Omg, will someone just let this guy do some shots?!

 

Noah asks Courtney if she really loves the rather unsubstantial bracelet he gave her for Christmas, and she does.  Abby’s making the Foot In Mouth rounds, and asks Noah what’s next?  An engagement ring?!  Whoa, no way, says Noah, there’s NO wedding in HIS future!  Let’s get a drink!  Courtney’s face falls to her feet.  :o(  Poor Courtney, don’t date a guy with the most dysfunctional parents in Wisconsin.

 

Nikki is the keynote speaker at Katherine’s plaque in Chancellor Park.  She can’t believe it’s been two years since she’s seen her.  Etc.  She’s stayed dry since Thanksgiving.  She’s going to face the challenges of the new year head on!  “And I’m gonna do it, Katherine!  No. More. Drinking!”  She hears footsteps in the snow behind her!  OMG, Paul!  “You lied to me, Nikki,” he says somberly.

 

Chelsea hates to disappoint Victor, but this gentleman is just keeping her company while she waits for Billy.  And golly gee, she doesn’t even know his name!  “Gabriel Bingham,” he says holding out his hand to Victor.  She formally introduces herself, finally, as Chelsea Newman.  “Bingham, Bingham,” says Victor, “sounds familiar.”  Oh, surely everybody remembers Bingo, ole boy, from the castle next door, or at least destroying his father’s business, but Gabe insists they’ve never met, just that time on the elevator.  Victor’s like whatever.  He kisses Chelsea on the cheek and wishes her a Happy New Year. 

 

Gabe takes it from that encounter that her boyfriend isn’t Connor’s dad.  No, his father passed away earlier this year.  Gabe’s super sorry to hear that.  He’s lost someone recently.  Well, Chelsea says it’s been really, really hard, but she’s moving on.  “Moving on has been impossible for me,” says Gabe.   Chelsea’s sorry.  The hardest part is the unresolved issues…there was still a lot she had to say to him.  Adam looks very interested in that, but stupid Billy shows up.  No need for introductions, says Billy, he’s already met this man.  He seems to be spreading joy everywhere he turns.  “What’s up with that, Bingham?”  Adam sort of squints, and being as he’s a better actor than anyone else on this show, it’s just a subtle thing with his eyes.  I think he would enjoy punching Billy in the throat right now, or maybe that’s just what I would enjoy.

 

Phyllis stalks into the lobby of the club.  Kelly’s all faux oh my goodness!  Jack says Phyllis!  What happened?!  She tears off her spy coat to reveal…dun Dun DUN!  THE SAME DRESS AS KELLY!!  And it looks even worse on her.  Phyllis would NEVER wear that dress, sorry.  “It all depends on what I just walked in on.  Why don’t you tell me.  I’m waiting.”  Kelly quickly says that Jack was just admiring her dress!  LOL.  The look of mischievous delight on Kelly’s face is hilarious.  Christine decides to jump in on this from the main room.  “And Kelly, you look great in it.”  Zing.  Try not to get splattered in the parking lot. 

 

Jack wearily asks if he can have a moment alone with Phyllis, please?  Kelly struts off, and Jack has to hold Phyllis back from launching herself across the room.  “WHAT was going on with her when I walked in?!”  Jack was JUST TELLING HER that Phyllis is the woman he loves!  “She’s not accepting the truth right now, and there’s nothing I can do about that!”  It was Phyllis’ insane idea to come there in the first place.  So can they do what he wanted all along and skip this celebration and GO HOME?  No!  Not after everything she had to do to get there! 

 

She ran out of gas, then her cell phone died, and she had to WALK the rest of the way.  And she hates her hideous, dated dress, now that Krazy Kelly has it on, so surely she can persuade someone to open up the boutique for her right now, on NYE.  She promises not to get into it with Kelly tonight.  “Thatwoman is obviously delusional, and I actually feel kinda bad for her.”  Jack’s gonna get her a DRINK, okay, so calm down and go deal with her ugly dress.  Shots, yes?  Jack walks off, and Phyllis catches Kelly walking in the lobby again.  “Hi, Bitch.  I know you set me up.”  Kelly’s like, who, me?

 

Nikki whimpers to Paul that she can explain!  No, he heard what she said to the brick wall.  He was right all those months ago about her drinking.  She’s sorry she wasn’t honest with him.  He’s sorry she felt she couldn’t be.  Nikki cries that she was so embarrassed!  Paul says it’s okay if she didn’t want to lean on him, but she should go to her family for support.  NO!!  Dear God, not them!  She begs him not to tell her family.  He insists that they won’t judge her, they love her!  And she loves them!  THAT’S why they can’t know!  Besides, he just heard her, she’s NOT drinking anymore.  “How am I supposed to believe you when you just lied to me.”   Nikki says he HAS to believe she would never lie to a plaque!  She’s going to meetings! She begs him as a friend, PLEASE don’t tell them!  Paul shakes his head and sighs.  All right, he won’t tell her family.   She hugs him tight!  Thank you so much!

 

Vicky says she should have listened to Stitch, and she’s sorry she didn’t.  Stitch doesn’t blame her.   Her instinct is to be cautious.  Yeah, but he’s a doctor, and she should have trusted his opinion.  Hey, no one’s a prophet in their hometown.  And he’s given her more than enough reason to doubt his judgment.  She says that’s all in the past.  She knows he would never betray her, unless they were on a break and he was being sexually harassed at work.  Stitch is going to earn her trust.  “I love you, and I’m never going to stop loving you.”  They kiss.  She takes his shirt off, because all the wimmen want to strip him.

 

Billy is inexplicably rude to Gabe, explaining that he met him at Jack’s house, where he spread his own special brand of cheer there, too.  Way to talk to business connections you don’t even know.  Chelsea smiles and insists that Gabe, here, was just chatting with her about Connor’s father.  Billy squints at him.  “Did you know Adam?” he asks suspiciously.  “Nope,” says Gabe with just the hint of a smile.  I wish I could describe his contained satisfaction at pulling this off on people he hates.  “Lucky you,” says Billy.  

 

Chelsea says she and Gabe were just waiting for their dates.  “So where’s yours?” hints Billy.  Oh, well, he’s been waiting for his special lady for the better part of year now.  Billy says maybe she’s trying to tell him something.  “Lucky for me, I can’t take a hint,” smiles Gabe.  That’s just what Jack said about him.  Gabe explains to Chelsea that he’s hoping to do business with Jack in the future.  Billy says that means he’ll be dealing with HIM, since HE’S employed at the family company.  Chelsea says SHE works at Jabot, too, so she’ll make sure Billy’s not a total ass to him.  Gabe looks forward to working with both of them.  See ya. 

 

“I don’t like him,” gripes Billy.  “You don’t even know him!” laughs Chelsea.  Yeah, but I’m an immature asshat that’s threatened by other males.  And there’s just something about him, says Billy.  Chelsea likes that something.  Essence of Adam.  Now let’s go have some fun.

 

Phyllis accuses Kelly of siphoning the gas out of her car to keep her from getting there tonight.  “Then you FLAUNT yourself in front of Jack…wearing MY dress.”  Kelly says OBVIOUSLY she fills out this ugly dress just a little better than Phyllis does, “and these lips have never been used to suck gas out of a tank.”  Phyllis can’t imagine where they’ve been.  So what did Kelly do?  Spy on her at the boutique so she’d see what dress she bought?  Kelly laughs and says she hopes Phyllis is sharing these wild conspiracy theories with Jack.  “No, this is between you and me.  You want a war, you’ve got it.”  Phyllis strolls away confidently…upstairs.  No idea where she’s going.  Kelly thinks this is crazy fun.

 

Neil is randomly chatting with Hilary about two people being in love with the same person…will never end well for one of them, right?  Wth?  Did I miss something?  Why are they talking about that?  Hilary does NOT want to be talking about that.  She’s wearing a blush pink brocade kind of thing, and has to use the ladies room to escape this conversation.  He’ll wait right here for you, baby.  Discreet Hilary leaves her phone on the bar, so discreet Devon can send her a text that says, MISS YOU, LOVE YOU.  Neil hears the beep…and OMG, you guys!!  He can SEE THE SCREEN!  But it’s still too fuzzy to see the words.  HE CAN SEE!  He rubs his eyes!

 

Hilary comes back and snatches up her phone!  Omg, she forgot it!  And she also forgot to tell Devon not to send her obvious love texts.  Neil asks if it was anything important.  Not at all.

 

Gwen and Devon sit in a booth at The Underground, and he claims he’s just texting to make sure things are going okay at the party they didn’t go to.  She can’t have an empty glass on NYE!  Shots, ya?  She thanks him for his thoughtfulness, but she’s wondering what’s really up with Devon.

 

Abby tells Summer that Dad would surely let them use the jet to fly to Italy to meet up with Kyle and friends.  But Austin’s not allowed to leave the country.  Abby’s like, it’s a PRIVATE jet, duh, surely they could sneak him in.   Somehow Lindsay Lohan manages to traverse the globe.  Yeah, but Austin has to work.  Surely Mariah could cover for him.  She could certainly use the extra money, maybe for a MAKEOVER.  Summer laughs.  Umm, Mariah looks 100 times better than SUMMER does right now.  Mariah’s unperturbed.  “All of the riches and physical beauty of this world, cannot mask the ugliness of a cruel tongue and an empty heart.”  So there.  Abby mean girl sticks her tongue out, and she and Summer walk away.  Mariah waves.

 

“You’re QUOTING Plato Sphere now?” asks delighted Kevin.  Mariah says she didn’t see HIM coming up with any comebacks, not that HE could compete with Plato.  Did he see how easily his words rolled off Mariah’s tongue?  “It almost sounded like he wrote them just for you,” says Kevin.  Mariah says it’s like this dude just GETS her.  “I bet he’s awesome, super rich, smart…”  Kevin preens.  He bets he’s all those things.  Nah, who is Mariah kidding.  He’s probably a really gross guy in his 40’s who lives in his mom’s basement with 20 cats.  Kevin frowns.  He’s probably in his 30’s, okay.

 

Phyllis tells a random servant that she doesn’t care WHO he finds, just get someone to open up Fenmore’s boutique for her so she can take a dress.  I don’t know, how about call LAUREN.  She’s YOUR friend.  The servant rushes away.  Christine walks up in silver lame.  “Jack said you ran out of gas, so I guess I don’t have to worry about you being behind the wheel of a car tonight.”  Phyllis says, YES, of course, Christine is gloating.  “I bet you did that the whole time I was in the coma.  You were probably hoping I’d never wake up.”  Chris would never be that cruel, not even to her.  “Of course not.  Sweet, generous Cricket,” she snarks.  Ugh, Chris just hopes for Jack and Summer’s sake that coming close to death would make her WANT to become a better person.  Phyllis smirks.  Probably not.  Chris meets up with Paul for kissy faces.  Victor and Nikki walk in, too.  He congratulates them on the baby.  “I guess both of our wives will toast in the new year with nonalcoholic drinks,” he smiles.  Paul’s like GUESS SO.

 

Gabadam sidles up to Jack.  He didn’t tell him Billy had a new baby.  With Victoria, yeah.  Why does that make a difference?  Does he think that cleans his slate or something?  Replace one baby with another??  God, no, that’s not what he’s saying! Except it is.  You should have TOLD him, Jack!  Jack’s like whatever, it doesn’t change ANYTHING.  Look, he’s got a LOT going on in his life right now, with two crazy shrews fighting it out in matching dresses in the hallway, OKAY, so what does GABRIEL want anyway?“You’re gonna give me a job at Jabot.”  Jack freaks.  “NO. WAY.”  Yes way!  Everybody can get a job a Jabot!  “You’ll do it,” says Gabe.  “You’ll do it, or I’ll go to the police and tell them Billy tried to kill me.”  He wouldn’t want him to be without his daughter, would he?  “You’re playing with fire now, Adam,” warns Jack.  “It’s Gabriel.  And I don’t have a choice.”  Plus this is kind of fun.

 

Now Jack’s just looking at his watch, wondering what’s taking Phyllis so long to go shopping in a closed store.  But there she is!  She comes sashaying in wearing a proper Phyllis dress, a long, slinky, red evening gown.  “Wow!” says Jack. Wow is how she likes it.  “On a scale of one to blown away..BOOM!”  Oh, he knows how she hates to be the center of attention.  Seeing her so happy and back in her element, wow.  The fact that they’re together almost doesn’t seem possible.  They’re about to kiss when Billy shouts that it’s almost midnight. 

 

They let NEIL hypnobore everyone with a New Year’s speech about the year full of challenges, and healing, new life, great joy, blah blah.  It was the best year Neil could hope for, because he found love again, and this time it’s for good.  He also WENT BLIND.  He kisses Hilary on the forehead and she tries not to throw up.  So here’s to 2015, y’all.

 

Paul starts the countdown!  We switch to The Underground.  Poor Lars shouts, “Shots, yes?” one more time and disgusted Abby finally tells him to go for it.  Seriously…he had to wait til midnight to do shots?  Austin and Summer kiss and the balloons drop.  Noah kisses Courtney.  They hug, and she looks at her empty ring finger and tries not to weep with disappointment. 

 

Harding grabs Abby around the waist and lays a good, old fashioned kiss on her, then walks off.  Abby’s like wow.  She liked it, you guys.  Kevin and Mariah slam back a healthy sized shot, and then she says, “What the hell.”  She grabs Kevin’s face and kisses him good, then says “Don’t you get any ideas!”  “Don’t YOU get any ideas,” he replies, and then run off from each other.  Abby seems to still be holding her mouth in a trance in the background.  Gwen and Devon kiss fairly sincerely. 

 

Back at the GCAC, Neil and Hilary kiss.  Happy New Year, baby.  Paul and Christine are going to focus on their baby.  They kiss and hug, and Paul watches Victor and Nikki.  “Happy New Year, my baby,” coos Victor.  It’s gonna be the best year yet for the Newmans.  Booo.  They kiss and hug, and Nikki looks worried.  Jack gazes at Phyllis.  “Welcome home.  This is our year.  I know it!”  They kiss, while Kelly watches from around the corner, lit up all scary, and I honestly think she might be snarling.  Eek. 

 

Stitch and Victoria do it on the couch at home.  I hope Reed is a sound sleeper.

 

Chelsea looks up at Billy.  “No more looking back.  The past is behind us.”  Dead and buried, says Billy, with his usual poor taste.  “Nothing can stand in the way of our happiness now,” whispers Chelsea, and they start mashing lips, while Adam painfully watches from across the room and tries not to cry.  Shots, yes?

[Joimiaroxeu]

Victor’s at the ranch, on the phone with Joe Clark.  He expects him to do his job, and sell the warehouse property!  I thought Joe’s job was to BUY the warehouse property, and since the buyer WANTS to sell it, this story is meaningless, but whatever, once he’s sold the property to himself, he should call Victor.

Yeah, that story's gotten a bit convoluted since Victor showed up in it. Originally, whoever owned the warehouse district (eventually revealed to be Victor) had ended all the leases and it was just a countdown until the businesses there had to leave. There was a separate group in Chicago who were going to develop the area. Now it seems like the developers have punked out and Victor's left with this property that he's trying to sell against the protests of Dylan's silly campaign. It also seems like Joe works for Victor instead of the developers from Chicago. I stand by my earlier theory that EB horned in on this story after he saw the attention SE was getting as Joe Superman.

 

Gwen who looks like Tia Carrere

Yes!

 

Kelly says feelings like that don’t just go away, Jack.

"I'm not going to be ignored, Jack. You might have to drown me in the bathtub to get rid of me."

[crosby777]

 

I stand by my earlier theory that EB horned in on this story after he saw the attention SE was getting as Joe Superman.

I just don't buy it that EB has that power with the current writing team. I am not seeing that at all. Vic has a shit story..

[Canadian]

. I stand by my earlier theory that EB horned in on this story after he saw the attention SE was getting as Joe Superman.

 

I would not be the least bit surprised if your theory is right...it seems as though the whole story line has shifted to add Victor..his nose needs to be involved in everything....

[NinjaPenguins]

 

“She’s perfect,” says Gabadam, with meaning.  Huh, and all this time I thought it was Chelsea.

Zing!

 

 

Oh, sweetheart, it’s a battered women’s shelter, so an abusive husband like him wouldn’t really be welcome.

You can’t speak at a battered women’s shelter unless I give you permission, darling!

 

Victor may want to stop at the burn unit on his way to the party. These babies are third degree.

 

 

“Does that mean you’ve come to your senses where BillyAbbott is con-cerned?” asks Victor.

I don't get this. Victor should just be relieved that Billy is with someone other than Victoria. This new Billy is so much fluff compared to BM's Billy and big brother Jack that I don't know why Victor wastes any resentment or scheming on him. Up your game, Newman.

[movinon]

 

Kelly thinks HE is the one who’s hurting.  Jack’s like, ummm, why?  Cuuuz, he feels pretty good.  “Because you’re still in love with me,” she coos.  “And now you’re stuck with Phyllis,” she adds, wrinkling her nose.  Jack frowns. Issss she crazy, or just drunk?

Crazy - no doubt about it, and maybe drunk, too.  I can't wait to see how far she will go with this before it gets seriously dangerous.  At least, there are 3 stories keeping me interested now.  This one, Mariah and Kevin, and watching GabAdam make a fool of Billy.  I do worry about the involvement between Joe and Victor - Joe is getting lots of attention and EB will probably pull something to get him fired.  Great recap, as usual, Peach.  Welcome home - glad you didn't get caught in a bear trap.

[peacheslatour]

 

Adam sort of squints, and being as he’s a better actor than anyone else on this show, it’s just a subtle thing with his eyes.  I think he would enjoy punching Billy in the throat right now, or maybe that’s just what I would enjoy.

You and me both.  Great to have you back, peach! 

[movinon]

I just don't buy it that EB has that power with the current writing team. I am not seeing that at all. Vic has a shit story..

I hope you are right - he has been influencing who get hired, fired, who has the last word in a scene, who gets the best storylines, etc., since he first came on.  I don't see his power as being with the writing team or even with JFP - it has to come from higher than that, because his power has lasted through years of writers and producers.  I just hope it's finally running out.  

[peacheslatour]

I can't express how much I love that you pick up on these subtle things that I notice also. I really love this Adam. I have three guys now who make my heart pitter patter: Joe Superman, Adam, and that freaking cute, sexy as hell, full of personality Chip on Fixer Upper. 

 

Oh, and my tall dark handsome hubby. Ah-hem. I didn't really forget him.

I agree with all of this and will raise you one Harding.

[peach]

The woods were safe from bears and trust fund douchebags, so I made it back in one piece.  Cleaning up Christmas shenanigans today.

 

I can't express how much I love that you pick up on these subtle things that I notice also.  I really love this Adam.

 

I love this guy.  He has such an expressive face. The rest of them should take some notes.  I know he's supposed to be the town villain and a reprehensible character but I luuurve Adam, especially this incarnation.  He's no worse than the rest of the scummy citizens of this town who all act like they're better than him, especially his own disgusting family.  I hope he wreaks havoc on them all.  I watched a funny clip of him and the other new actors on The Talk, and he was about to make his debut, and laughed about now he could finally start wrecking their lives (to the rest of the panel).

 

And if he wants Chelsea, well, then, I hope he gets her.  Just like I feel with Sharon...what Sharon wants, Sharon should have.  lol  I don't think I can EVER EVER go another round of Shick after this one, so ideally, I guess I would hook up Adam AND Sharon again and have them bring down all the Newmans, eventually.  Then, and only then, they can cancel it.  Ha.  I thought he had more chemistry getting a packet of sugar from Sharon then he did fantasy kissing Chelsea anyway.  That being said, my UO is that I like Chelsea in general.  They just need to dress this girl like Sharon, Phyllis, and Abby.  They're the only ones who dress according to their station, IMO.  And Hilary, she's fashionable.

I agree with all of this and will raise you one Harding.

 

I really hope they give Harding more story.  I would be totally happy with a fun fling between him and THE Abby Newman.  Especially since they seem to be moving away from Stabby, much to my disappointment.  Stitch has zero chemistry with Ashley.  I hate that storyline all the way around.  I like Stitch when he's playing more for comedy.  That's his strength.  Victoria's just boring, period.  Anyway, MORE Harding!

[Runningwild]

I hope you are right - he has been influencing who get hired, fired, who has the last word in a scene, who gets the best storylines, etc., since he first came on. I don't see his power as being with the writing team or even with JFP - it has to come from higher than that, because his power has lasted through years of writers and producers. I just hope it's finally running out.

Nobody has that much power in daytime. He didn't tell MM to be a lecherous perv who talked too much smack on Twitter. And he didn't tell TIIC to miscast Maura West as DianeJenkins and tell her to play it as Carly (ATWT). They were fired without EB's help.

He might sneak in the last word now and then because he knows the budget is too limited for retakes. other than that, not so much.

Edited January 4, 2015 by Runningwild

[peacheslatour]

 

I like Stitch when he's playing more for comedy.

This got me thinking, they should have hired him to play NuBilly.  I could totally see him as a hotshot card player and a goofy fuck up, a duality perfectly portrayed by BM and so not by Jenkins.

[Slowpokey]

The woods were safe from bears and trust fund douchebags, so I made it back in one piece.  Cleaning up Christmas shenanigans today.

 

 

I love this guy.  He has such an expressive face. The rest of them should take some notes.  I know he's supposed to be the town villain and a reprehensible character but I luuurve Adam, especially this incarnation.  He's no worse than the rest of the scummy citizens of this town who all act like they're better than him, especially his own disgusting family.  I hope he wreaks havoc on them all.  I watched a funny clip of him and the other new actors on The Talk, and he was about to make his debut, and laughed about now he could finally start wrecking their lives (to the rest of the panel).

 

And if he wants Chelsea, well, then, I hope he gets her.  Just like I feel with Sharon...what Sharon wants, Sharon should have.  lol  I don't think I can EVER EVER go another round of Shick after this one, so ideally, I guess I would hook up Adam AND Sharon again and have them bring down all the Newmans, eventually.  Then, and only then, they can cancel it.  Ha.  I thought he had more chemistry getting a packet of sugar from Sharon then he did fantasy kissing Chelsea anyway.  That being said, my UO is that I like Chelsea in general.  They just need to dress this girl like Sharon, Phyllis, and Abby.  They're the only ones who dress according to their station, IMO.  And Hilary, she's fashionable.

 

I really hope they give Harding more story.  I would be totally happy with a fun fling between him and THE Abby Newman.  Especially since they seem to be moving away from Stabby, much to my disappointment.  Stitch has zero chemistry with Ashley.  I hate that storyline all the way around.  I like Stitch when he's playing more for comedy.  That's his strength.  Victoria's just boring, period.  Anyway, MORE Harding!

I think Shadam will have another shot. And with this guy and SC  I am betting this time around is going to be beyond steaming! (;

[peach]

Thurs, Jan 1     Visualize This!

 

Lily is relaxing with Cane.  It’s a day for the three F’s:  family, food, and football.  I’ll add one more:  filler.  Let’s make this quick, because all the good stuff happens on Friday.

 

Lauren, Gloria, and Jill are lunching at the club, working on plans for Fenmore’s next big extravaganza, but Jill’s not paying attention, which REALLY hacks Lauren off.  Jill’s super distracted with online business news about how Chancellor’s suffering due to the Bonaventure fines.  All she can really think about is taking Chancellor over, and Lauren’s really on edge because of Michael’s big cancer secret.  Or rather that Michael is being a complete idiot about it.  Jill calls Lauren out on her uncharacteristic edginess, so Lauren decides they should just forget this for today.  She starts to leave with Gloria, but gets an emergency call!

 

Kevin is out jogging with Michael, who I can only believe is overacting on purpose at this point.  Maybe he hates his prostate storyline, too, because he’s beyond ridiculous.  He’s taking midlife crisis and New Year’s resolutions to a new level and wants Kevin to train him for some kind of run, but Michael’s gone insane and thinks he can go full out after not running for two years. 

 

He shrieks about creative visualization, and how all he has to do is VISUALIZE strength, and THEN NOTHING CAN HARM HIM!  Then he immediately slips and sprains his ankle.  LOL  He keeps trying to run though, because he’s freaking crazy.  STRENGTH AND WHOLENESS, STRENGTH AND WHOLENESS, he keeps screaming until he collapses again.  Kevin really has his hands full while Michael fights him like a toddler.  “Visualize this,” says Kevin, we’re going to the hospital.

 

He calls Lauren from the ER, and instead of asking him what’s wrong with Michael, she just hangs up and races over there in a panic, with Gloria in tow.  Everyone acts weird, and Gloria’s like, geez, Michael, it’s not like you have cancer.  AWK-WARD.  Gloria gets very still and scared, and asks if he DOES have cancer.  So they lie!  Again!  She’s glad, because a cancer announcement would really ruin NY’s day.  Kevin drags her out. 

 

Michael and Lauren blather the rest of the episode about how he needs to quit with crap like creative visualization and get some REAL cancer treatment.  He argues that he’ll do it in his own way and time, because that’s working out great.  Blah blah, never take life for granted or some shit, I stopped listening.

 

Avery and Dylan box up fliers to help save the coffee house.  Blah blaaaah.  They decide to go sledding, instead of watch football.  But first he wants to drop a box of fliers off to Nikki so she can hand them out to her volunteer buddies.  If only they knew that Nikki never really goes to charity meetings. 

 

Nikki and Victor chit chat with Reed about how cool Ben is, and also that Ben was still there this morning.  Classy.  Victor gets a suspicious call from the mayor, but acts like it’s no big.  Victor decides to thrill Reed by reading out loud from Treasure Island.  That sounds even better than watching Ben’s kid videos.  What a great vacation. 

 

Avery and Dylan stop by with their brochures and converse about how the landmark commission rejected his status.  “What?  Why would they do that?” gasps Nikki.  Umm, because it’s not a landmark?  Victor tends the fire and tries not to laugh.  Blah blah, Nikki suggests they go sledding on their super special Newman hill behind the barn.  Dylan kindly offers to bring Reed along, so they all go sledding.  Later they come back and commiserate about how some dastardly, powerful person must have gotten to the landmark commission.  Victor insists they not talk shop on a holiday, so STFU about Crimson Lights already.  They finally leave.  Dylan resolves to make Avery happy.

 

The Winters crew are all having a football day over at Neil’s.  Colin is there, and he needles Cane like he always does about working in a bar instead of running the world.  He leaves to meet up with Jill. 

 

Devon shows up with GWEN.  Hilary is aghast.  Hilary and Devon go and check on stuff in the kitchen quite a bit, so they can have flustered conversations about WHY he brought GWEN?  Umm, because Hilary told him to?  She wants to know if he slept with her last night.  Oh em gee, how can she even ask that.  He gave her a consequences ring, remember??  They admire the ring, and Neil comes along, and he can see the outline of Hilary! 

 

Cane admits to Lily that he really misses big bizness, and Lily admits that she and Devon could probably throw parties without him.  She gives him her blessing to go after Chancellor again.  Colin meets Jill at the club so they can talk about HER running Chancellor again.  He’s behind her all the way, if that’s what she wants to do, but maybe it’s too much of a wound for her that Kay didn’t give it to her. 

 

At first Jill thought it meant Kay didn’t trust her to put business first, which she has aptly proven to be true by fighting the warehouse redevelopment.  But after two years, she’s now rationalized that Katherine left the company to VICTOR, instead of her, as a test!  Kinda like the music box.  Jill has to prove she really wants it by wresting control AWAY from Victor!  I’m sure a pillow fight will do the trick.  

 

Colin is Team Jill, unless he’s Team Cane.  I’m confused. They leave and visit the plaque in the park so Jill can tell the brick wall herself that she resolves to take over Chancellor.  So there.  Meanwhile, back at Neil’s, Maddie and Charlie make them all write out New Year’s resolutions, too.  Cane also resolves to run Chancellor again.  I don’t know if two resolutions cancel each other out or what. 

 

Neil resolves to see again.  That should take care of it.  STRENGTH AND WHOLENESS!  Hilary resolves…to be honest.  LOL!  Neil’s resolution sounds more reasonable.  Devon resolves to be patient.  Lily resolves to let go.   They put the resolutions in a fish bowl, but there’s no talk of setting them on fire to release them to the great goddess of fortune, Kay Chancellor, so it seems like a wasted exercise to me. 

 

Victor resolves to protect and cherish his family always.  Nikki stares at the liquor in the living room and resolves to find the strength the meet her challenges…one day at a time.

[Desperately Random]

He shrieks about creative visualization, and how all he has to do is VISUALIZE strength, and THEN NOTHING CAN HARM HIM!  Then he immediately slips and sprains his ankle.  LOL

 

OK, I LOLed when I read this. Which means I enjoyed the recap about 1000 x more than I did the show. I have to give you props for getting through the entire show peach. I couldn't do it. I lasted about ten minutes and then I ffed the rest. I stopped occasionally to see what was going on and just couldn't.  Between CLB embarrassing himself with his histrionic acting choices and the sheer boredom of the rest of the scenes, that episode was making me seriously rethink my decision to start watching again. (Fortunately the next day's episode was really good so I'm sticking for now. )

Glad you're back. Peachcaps are the best!

[peach]

Fri, Jan 2   Who’s Got Game?

 

This episode explores just who’s got  game, the best game, in this town.  And the answer is surprising.

 

The holidays are over and even Billy is working.  Phyllis catches him at Jabot.  Her hair looks so much better straight.  I love it.  She thinks fatherhood really agrees with Billy, he’s so dashing in his suit.  “Whaddaya want, Phyllis?”  She needs his help, and it has nothing to do with Jabot.  It’s about something far more…treacherous.

 

Treacherous Kelly sits at the club drinking coffee, grinning like a cat over the top story on the GC Buzz:  Who Wore It Best? Complete with a photo of Kelly and Phyllis both wearing the ugly dress.  Stitch looks over her shoulder.  From the looks of it, she didn’t have such a great holiday.  She laughs.  It wasn’t so bad!  Stitch asks if GC Buzz got it wrong then, and Phyllis didn’t get in her face?  “Oh, she did,” smiles Kelly, “and it was enlightening.”  Really?  What’d she find out?  “Jack still loves me!” she whispers like a total loon.

 

Adam’s in a capital mood when he shows up on Jack’s doorstep.  Jack is NOT happy to see him!  “At least I knocked this time,” smiles Adam.  “I don’t like repeating myself, ADAM!” shouts Jack.  Yo, it’s Gabriel.  Ya gotta do better on that, Jack, geez.  It’s important.  “Why are you HERE, Gabriel?”  Adam smiles like this is all totally normal.  “I’m here to talk about the job you’re gonna offer me.”

 

Noah stops by the cottage and asks Mariah how Mom is doing before the big custody mediation.  She says Sharon’s changed clothes like ten times.  Noah says they need to be encouraging!  They sibling bicker about who does or does not know how to be encouraging.   Sharon nervously comes down looking great in a basic black dress.  Faith hides around the corner and listens!  Sharon says it could all be decided today!

 

Nick shows up early at Avery’s office for the mediation.  He looks like a hockey player with that hair and a suit.  She briefs him on what to expect. He mopes and looks at the floor.  Is he okay?  “Will the mediator decide right away and just give me full custody of Faith?”  Oh, sure, it totally works like that.  She’ll just say here ya go!  Avery thinks she’ll take some time to actually consider the entire situation.  He sighs a lot and looks sad.  Hey, she needs to know he’s 100% on wanting full custody!  “Is it?  IS it what you want?” 

 

Jack says there is NO job!  “What you’re not understanding is that you don’t have a choice,” smirks Adam.  But hiring him at Jabot would not only be insane, it would be dangerous!   “Dangerous for who?  Your brother?” snaps Adam.  No, for him, too.  “If Billy finds out who you really are—“  Adam says they’re gonna make sure that doesn’t happen.  Jacks says it’s bad enough that he’s kept it from Billy that Adam’s still alive!  “Do you want your brother going to prison for attempted murder?” asks Adam.

 

Jack says to consider the risks…if they’re both at Jabot, they’ll run into each other ALL the time in the hallway and elevator.  At least once a month!  Adam says he’ll be running into Gabriel Bingham!  Jack thinks there are too many opportunities for him to slip, and Billy to find out WHO he really is!  Well, if that happens, he’ll be prepared for it.  “Prepared for my brother to want to KILL you again?!” scolds angry Jack.  He looks like he wants to take Adam to the woodshed, or take away his allowance or something.

 

Nick admits he’s been doing some soul-searching.  I wonder if he found it.  He confesses that when he found out what Sharon did, he was SO ANGRY that he just wanted to hurt her.  Within hours, he decided to take Faith.  Avery asks if he thinks he acted too quickly?  I don’t know, I mean, he did wait HOURS.   Nick asks if he’s doing the right thing.   Avery looks really beautiful today, btw, with her hair in a pretty chignon, and she’s wearing a lovely plum suit.  Except it’s unzipped like 8 inches. 

 

Nick says it was Christmas.  Faith was SO happy, and they were all together, and getting along.  “Were you happy?” asks Avery.  Cuz that’s what matters, how happy NICK is.  “There were moments,” he admits.  Avery asks what’s BEST for Faith here.  “Honestly, I don’t know anymore.”  Well, he needs to figure it out before the mediator gets here in 30 minutes!  She NEEDS HIM 100%.  For God’s sake, don’t take any TIME to THINK about it!  It’s only a kid’s life.  “I’m trying to get there, Avery, I really am.”  He’s trying to decide if going for full custody is really what’s best for her, or if it’s just because he’s angry at Sharon.  “When you searched your soul, what did it tell you?” asks Avery.  Hey, bro, want a beer?

 

Noah thinks the meeting is gonna be fine!  Sharon and Dad got along well at Christmas.  Sharon’s like, yeah, but despite the holiday thaw, she’s sure Nick’s at Avery’s being coached not to give an inch.  Faith is still listening.  Avery!!  Mariah says maybe Nick’s come to his senses.  “I mean, you look great, that’s gotta count for something.”  I like that she gets how simple Nick is.  Sharon really appreciates their support. 

 

She says all their little sister knows is that she and Nick are having a meeting to talk about their family today.  Ever the realist, Mariah asks if she’s SURE that’s all Faith knows?  Sharon doesn’t want her more  upset than necessary.  Faith comes out and plays it cool.  Sharon leaves, and Faith runs to get a game.  Noah and Mariah joke and bicker about who Mom likes best.  There’s a knock on the door. Mariah answers it, and it’s idiot Summer and Austin.  Yay.  Mom definitely doesn't like HER best. “One big, happy family,” says Mariah.

 

Kevin shows up late to work, with some kind of mystery box.  Courtney warns him that Harding’s on the warpath because he wanted a computer check done THIS MORNING.  Kevin says he spilled coffee on his shirt and had to go change.  “I’ve seen you with mustard on your shirt for two days,” says Courtney.  And what’s in the box?  Kevin ignores her.

 

Billy’s annoyed.  He doesn’t have time to GUESS what your damage is, Phyllis, so just tell him.  “I want to know more about the clingy, conniving homewrecker ya slept with.”  Billy’s like is that supposed to be funny?  “Do you want me to clarify WHICH clingy, conniving homewrecker?”  “Okay, I got work to do, so not nice talking to you.”  Wait, wait, she’s sorry.  She just didn’t know how to approach this with him. Welll, not like a bitch!  She apologizes.  She could really use his help, and not just for her sake, but Jack’s.  She is CONCERNED about Kelly! 

 

“Yeah, of course you are.  Because she’s NOT clingy, or conniving, OR a homewrecker.  And she’s got you running scared.”  Phyllis snorts.  Billy tells her to relax.  Kelly’s just a nice girl who had a relationship with his brother while she was sick.  Phyllis says she’s not letting GO of that relationship.  She’s doing things.  Billy’s like, look, Jack chose YOU.  He put your ring back on your finger, why are you stirring up problems when you’ve already WON?

 

It’s Kelly who hasn’t accepted that reality, and Phyllis needs to get a handle on her, so she can avert a disaster!  Billy laughs dismissively.  A disaster??  Seriously?  YES!  Why is she the only one who can see what’s going on here!  Kelly went from manipulating one Abbott brother, to manipulating the other.  Billy’s not laughing any more.  He’s pissed. “You keep thinking like THAT, and you’re going to manipulate YOURSELF into some REAL problems.” 

 

Adam asks if Jack thinks he’s bluffing.  You think he won’t go straight to Paul Williams’ office and tell him Billy tried to kill him?  “What would be the point in that?” asks Jack.  No kidding, that’s a terrible plan, Adam.  “MY LIFE is the point, Jack! I want it back!”  Jack says Billy wants him dead!  And don’t forget that Billy is the one who figured out on his own that Adam was driving the car that killed Delia.  I’d add he also cracked the Ben Russell case.  “You think he won’t figure this out?  And when he does, is it WORTH it??”  For his wife and child?  Damn right it’s worth it. 

 

His phone has kept ringing, so he finally answers it.  It’s Sage calling from Constance’s bedroom.  She’s crying.  “Gabriel, you need to come home!”  For once, he doesn’t argue.  He’ll come right now.  “I’m not changing my mind about this, Jack.  Next time I see you, I expect to hear about this great job opportunity you have lined up for me.”  Jack’s frustrated.  They are NOT finished with this!  But Adam has to go fulfill some of Gabriel Bingham’s obligations.  He leaves.  “Well, I have to fulfill some of my own,” says Jack.

 

Courtney fishes around to see if maybe Kevin was late because he was out with Mariah last night.  If that’s the case, she would totally cover for him.  Who knew she was such a romantic!  Kevin smirks.  He and Mariah are NOT dating.  “Why not?” asks Courtney.  Lots of reasons.  Kevin says she’s coming off a terrible year, and the timing alone makes it impossible.  Courtney starts to walk away, but turns back for a moment.  “You know, Kev, falling in love has nothing to do with timing.”  Not getting engaged has left her older and wiser.  Kevin ponders. 

 

Stitch sits down with Kelly.  So Jack’s not with Phyllis anymore?  Oh, it hasn’t quite come to that.  “But it’s headed that way?”  Oh, Stitch, let Kelly explain how Jack is just sticking with Phyllis out of loyalty.  “I mean, the poor man, he’s a prisoner of his conscience.”  He can’t abandon Phyllis right now, despite how HORRIBLE she’s become.  Stitch is like, wow!  Jack told you all that?  “Well he didn’t have to,” says Kelly.  Stitch is like, oooo..yikes.

 

“Then, uh, Kell…I mean…what makes you think Jack still loves you?”  She gets pouty and defiant.  “Because I looked him in the eye and dared him to deny his feelings for me, and he couldn’t do it.”  Stitch is getting embarrassed for Kelly.  “Do you think…maybe, he just didn’t want to hurt your feelings?”  No.  It’s MORE than that, BEN.  Stitch suggests that if Jack is still engaged to Phyllis that maybe she’s setting herself up for more pain.  “You know things worked out pretty SWEET for YOU, Ben,” she sneers.  “Why not me?  Why can’t you just be HAPPY for me, for ONCE??  Stitch is like wtf is wrong with you? 

 

Avery says even though she’s no fan of Sharon’s, avoiding a custody battle IS best for everyone.  He knows how this goes.  They can’t really shield Faith from all the ugliness that will come out.  Nick sighs.  He appreciates her honesty and friendship.  Sharon arrives.  She was hoping for a private moment with Nick before they get started.  He’ll hear what she has to say.  Cuz he’s got the hero gene.

 

Sage is looking over Constance’s will when Adam walks in.  Constance is unconscious.  Sage weeps and says the doctors say there’s nothing more they can do.  Adam acts respectful, like he must have found some human emotions on NYE.  Sage says she probably won’t last through the day.  “She’s so dear to me, I just hope the end is easy for her.”  Adam asks what will she do without Constance in her life.  “I don’t know,” she weeps.  Adam says she probably ushered in the New Year with her, whether she was awake or not.  He seems to mean this sincerely, but Sage hears it as judgment.  “You think I’m pathetic, don’t you?” she says angrily.  No, he really doesn’t!  Well he doesn’t need to worry about her, okay, Gabriel, she has PLANS. 

 

Billy tells Phyllis to get it straight.  Kelly never manipulated him.  So he’s playing the noble man and defending the Other Woman.  “What I am saying, is that some men can’t tell when a woman is workin’em.”  “Speaking from experience,” surmises Billy.  Hey, let Phyllis fill you in on what happened NYE.  Umm, wasn’t Billy there?  “Kelly needed an opportunity to get her hooks back into Jack on THE most romantic night of the year.  And guess what?  My car mysteriously ran out of gas, when I had JUST filled the tank!”  Billy smirks hilariously, like, oh, really?  Jack has just walked in and heard this.  “Are you seriously suggesting Kelly sabotaged your car??”  This is a lot of aggravation for Jack today, and it’s not even noon.

 

Sharon really appreciates Nick listening to her.  “The holidays were wonderful.  We make a good team,” she says softly.  Nick doesn’t want this to be a thing where they’re constantly at each other’s throats.  Sharon either!  Nick thinks avoiding court altogether would be best.  “That would be PERFECT.  Are we saying the same thing?!” Sharon asks hopefully.  Nick’s had a lot of time to think about this, and he’s willing to compromise.  “Oh, Nick!”  Thank you for being a human being!  She hugs him which he accepts uncomfortably.

 

Summer thought they’d stop by and visit Faith while Dad and Sharon tried to hash things out.  Noah says they just missed Sharon.  Yeah, she didn’t want to get into it with Sharon, so she and Austin waited by the stables til they saw her drive off.  And then you came in her house.  “Guess you didn’t count on me being here,” says Mariah.  Summer can’t really answer, because Courtney also stops by.  She surprised Noah by deciding to help keep Faith’s spirits up. 

 

She asks Mariah if everything’s okay with Kevin.  She’s like, uh, yeah, why?  He just seems a little off today.  When DOESN’T Kevin seem off?  Noah jokingly asks if she thinks he’s breaking the law again.  Mariah’s like, hold up.  “I didn’t know Kevin had been arrested!  For what??”  Breaking and entering, burglary…some other things, says Noah.  Courtney is quick to point out he’s turned his life around, and more than paid for his crimes.  Frigging SUMMER sing songs that it looks like Mariah and Kevin have a lot in common.  Nyah.  With her COP SHOOTING KIDNAPPER HUSBAND standing behind her.

 

Kevin sits at his desk and thinks back to Mariah saying she likes Plato Sphere because he’s a realist, and their near Christmas kiss.  He smiles, and starts writing another Plato story about the timing not being right, but love pays no attention to the clock.  I like their nerdy love story. 

 

Kelly’s just sayin’ she deserves to be happy.  “Great,” says Stitch, “that’s what I want for you, too.”  He looks kinda worried.  I mean, she’s wearing a puffy sleeved, WHITE blazer in January, so clearly she’s insane.  Kelly says her love life’s just a touchy subject lately.  “Look, I’m just a little worried about you.  You seem…wound a little bit tight about all this?” he says, almost laughing.  Brothers.  Kelly’s angry.  They haven’t spent quality time together in years, so how could he POSSIBLY KNOW how WOUND or UNWOUND she GETS?  “Give me some credit, Kelly!”  I can tell when you’re batshit crazy!  Kelly says she has EVERYTHING under control.  “I just have to be patient.  Like you were!”  Patient in anticipation of what, exactly?  She thinks about it.  “For justice to prevail.”  Ai yi yi.

 

“Your fiancée has been subjecting me to her delusional accusations,” complains Billy.  Oh, Phyllis is delusional??  The woman showed up in the same dress!  “GASP!” says Billy.  “The horror!”  Jack says it was just a COINCIDENCE.  Men!  “The woman is out to get me, Jack.”  Jack’s like, look, I asked Kelly on NYE to stop trashing you.  I’m gonna ask the same of you with her.  “So Kelly WAS trashing me on NYE!”  Jack sighs.  “Didn’t you say she wouldn’t accept that we’re committed to each other?”  Geez, that was an emotional, defensive reaction, it wasn’t some master plan!  Phyllis looks at Jack like he’s an idiot.  “I’m sure Billy can shed some light on this.”  What did Kelly have to say about herself in those grief counseling meetings?  Billy’s disgusted.

 

Sage and Adam sit with Constance.  She opens her eyes.  Sage tells her Gabriel is there.  She looks..into The Light!  It’s Real Gabriel!  Cuz he’s dead! “Grandmother, welcome to the Hereafter,” he glows and echoes, “I can’t wait to be with you again.”  I guess they don’t shave in the Hereafter.  “The light!” moans Constance, “Wait!”  Adam takes her hand.  “Grandmother, I love you,” he says gently.  She looks away from the light, at ADAM.  “You are not my grandson!”  Sage and Adam are like, uh-oh.  They never thought about the damn light!

 

Faith and company play the Game of Life, leading to much discussion about how SOME of these folks need to pick a real career of some kind.  Or…get married.   Courtney smiles while looking sick.  Summer tells Faith you can’t always just wait for things to happen. Sometimes you need to give’em a push.  She goes in the kitchen.  “I know somebody who needs a big push,” says Faith.  Like Avery.  Off a cliff.

 

David Sherman bursts in on Nick and Sharon.  Whoa, is this an ambush by Nick??  No, wait, says Sharon, but Avery bursts in next and says the mediator is there.  So stop this fraternizing!!!  They all sit down with the mediator.  If mediation fails, a judge will determine Faith’s future.  Nick says he is willing to pull back on his demand for sole custody.  He’s willing to meet Sharon halfway, which is where they already are.  So they could all just leave, I guess.  Avery says that’s super generous. 

 

David says on the contrary.  These are just desperate measures.  Ms Newman has plenty of evidence against the other disgusting Newmans to get sole custody herself!  Sharon keeps trying to interrupt, because she and Nick TALKED, okay… Nick and David don’t listen either one.  “SOLE CUSTODY?  Are you kidding me?” blusters Nick.  Only HE can go for sole custody.  “Sharon is the one responsible for all this!”  She stares.

 

Sage and Adam try to comfort Constance that he is Gabriel.  “Gabriel is waiting, I saw him.”  She stares at Adam, afraid.  “Who are you, really?”  “I’m Gabriel,” says Adam.  NO!  She pleads with Sage.  “YOU know!”  Sage is crying.  “I know that Gabriel loves you.  And after the accident, you needed him to survive.  I believe that with all of my heart!”  Constance gasps a little…and dies.  “Constance!” weeps Sage.  “She’s gone,” says Adam quietly.  He holds Sage in his arms.  Goodbye, Sally Kellerman.  Go gently into that good night.

 

Billy snaps that he would NEVER repeat something that was said during their GRIEF support meetings!  “So she IS hiding something,” says Phyllis.  Billy shakes his head no, like, wow, you suck.  “HOW can you keep her secrets?!  Even a shrink has a duty to break confidentiality when their patient’s being lethal.”  Jack says that’s enough!  Billy is RIGHT.  Kelly’s not a threat.  “You’re taking HIS side on this?  You think you know everything there is to know about thatwoman.”  She’s a GOOD PERSON, Phyllis.  “Why do you keep elevating her to SAINTHOOD?  She slept with Billy and broke up his marriage!”  Billy says that was his own damn fault, so just leave him out of this.  He storms out.  Jack asks if she’s quite finished with this nonsense?  “Not by a long shot.”

 

Sharon tells Nick she thought they’d turned a corner.  Nick thought so, too, but then her attorney blindsided him!  She insists she didn’t get a chance to--  Nick talks over her and says she had him thinking they were talking about joint custody, “But then you and your lawyer show up here ready to take my daughter away from me!”  Just…wow.  Sharon’s like, hey, “I HAD to have a PLAN, just to stay in Faith’s life!  You were comin’ at me guns a’blazin’!”  And she may have mental illness, but she is treating it.  There are many ways he’s a less stable parent than she is! 

 

The mediator tries weakly to mediate, but Nick shouts, “YOU NAME ONE BAD THING ABOUT ME AS A PARENT!  JUST ONE!”  Hmm, how about when Faith just ran away on HIS watch, all the way to the godforsaken warehouse district!  And then, there’s his nightclub!  Nick says there is nothing ILLEGAL going on there.  Hello, she’s talking about the hours he works, so he isn’t home for dinner or to tuck Faith in at night.  “Worst of all, Faith has repeatedly said that she hates her Daddy!”  He twitches.  This can’t be how mediation actually works.

 

Mariah goes to visit Kevin at the station.  She sees the box and opens it right up.  LOL.  She’s alarmed to find a dagger!  He walks in and catches her.  “What, are you elk hunting?” she asks.  She thinks it’s serious, it’s a WEAPON.  Kevin whispers it’s serious, undercover police work.  Yeah, no.  “You’re not an undercover cop,” says Mariah.   She came by because she found out his past isn’t so squeaky clean, and if he’s in trouble, he can always talk to her. 
“Why, so you can  make fun of me?”  No, well, maybe that too, but he really can talk to her.  She starts laughing when she realizes that this dagger is Kingdom Beyond memorabilia.  Wow, Plato Sphere has memorabilia and fan events?  Impressive.  He liked that she didn’t know it was just a prop. “It made me mysterious,” he says.  “It made you WEIRD.”  They flirt and banter and giggle.

 

Stitch tells Kelly to call him if she needs to talk.  “I won’t need to,” she assures him.  He sees Billy on the way out who asks for a baby report.  Katie’s fine, she slept through the night and no fever in the morning.  “All night house call, huh?” chides Chelsea's lover. Stitch is like, see ya.  Billy walks up to Kelly’s table.  He thinks they need to talk.

 

Sally Kellerman has already been removed, along with her sheets.  Sage really hopes Constance is with Gabriel now, but she’d like to believe she never knew she outlived her grandson.  Adam comforts her that her last look was of acceptance.  He looks over the copy of the will.  “She loved her grandson even more than I thought.”  Oh, yeah, Gabriel was EVERYTHING to her, especially these last few years.  She didn’t want a monument or hospital wing named after her, or a plaque in the park, she just wanted to make Gabriel happy.  He’s like, what about YOU, though?  You dedicated your life to her, and she left you a pittance here!

 

“Keep lookin.’  I’m in there.  As a matter of fact…I get half the inheritance.”  Adam stares at her.

 

Avery and her unzipped top goes on about how every child hates their parents when they don’t get their way, while you, Sharon, are truly guilty of a despicable crime.  Sharon’s like, WHAT?  She wasn’t ON her medication!  David says no charges were ever filed, so that’s a moot point.  Nick goes on again about how idiot Summer suffered because of what Sharon did…which is what Nick did, but nobody brings that up.  Nick insists IT WAS A CRIME.  Now, he knows it was made under mental duress, and she tried to tell him the truth when her medication was working and she was lucid.  But she still didn’t tell him. Blahblah.  David is not impressing me right now.  Nick keeps going that the reason Faith hates HIM right now, is because he would never tell her what her mother really did, so he’s getting the brunt of her anger.

 

“Clearly, this isn’t going to work, and Nick and I can’t be in the same room together without hurting each other.”  Nick says on that, they are agreed.  See you in court.  Avery snaps that David and his client can find their own way out.  Always so professional at Baldwin Clark.  She tells Nick she’s so sorry.  The mediator will tell the judge that none of the grownups did their jobs and they’ll prepare for a trial.

 

Sharon is horrified that David went on the attack and wouldn’t stop!  “Look, no matter what your ex-husband led you to believe, that is not a man who is willing to compromise.”  NO, but he WAS!  “DO YOU want to lose your little girl?” asks David.  No!

 

Courtney really didn’t have fun playing Life with her noncommitting boyfriend.  She goes in the kitchen.  Omg, did Austin pick up on that WEIRD VIBE between Courtney and Noah whenever marriage came up?  Omg, it’s so weird!  WHAT DOES IT MEAN???  Austin says they shouldn’t butt into their business.  Summer’s so sad it could end up being a thing for them, especially when she gets all the happy life points being married to him!  They hug.

 

Billy heard about the blowout from Phyllis.  She can be…territorial.  Kelly says she got “the up close experience with Phyllis in full-on bitch mode.”  Then, she understands.  “Honestly, I don’t understand how Jack puts up with it!” says Kelly conspiratorially.  Yeah, about that.  He wants to talk to her as a friend.  “If you’re still thinking that something could happen with Jack…I think you should forget about it.”  Oh, did Jack talk about her with him?  Well, no, he’s just speaking from experience.  “It was just really hard for me to let go and  move on from Victoria, but—I finally did it.  And I think you need to make that leap, too.”  It’s easier if you can start screwing some other desperate person.  Kelly says she’s let go of Jack!  “Just as much as you’ve let go of Victoria.” 

 

Billy’s like…right.  Because her short fling with Jack was just like his dramatic marriage to VICTORIA with whom he just had a kid.  Okay, then, he tried.  “I hope this is a great year for you and that you find happiness.”  Kelly smiles her loony smile.  “I expect to.”

 

Phyllis gets that Jack wants to believe good things about Kelly, but thatwoman is playing games.  “How do you KNOW that?!”  Because she’s played them herself.  DUH!  Okay, but Jack thinks this is still a stretch.  “This is what you’re telling me.  On NYE, a night that Kelly is in charge of the BIGGEST social event in Genoa City, she was busy emptying your gas tank.  Do you know how ABSURD your conspiracy theory sounds?”  Phyllis says Jack BETTER start taking this seriously, because SHE saw the look behind Kelly’s eyes.  Hell hath no fury! 

 

Jack scoffs that Kelly is a woman scorned.  “There is no way she’s through with you,” says Phyllis, “or either of us.”  She will pull something else!  Jack says she’s wrong.  “Fine.  Refuse to heed the warnings.  I will find a way to prove it.”  You’d think Jack would be less skeptical about nutso exes, but this just seems like a big thorn in his side.

 

Adam is also skeptical.  “YOU get half the inheritance,” he says to Sage.  “What are you trying to do, blackmail me here?”  No, Sage says quietly.  “If I don’t share the wealth, you’re gonna tell everybody that Gabriel Bingham is Adam Newman, is that the sick game you’re playing?”  Geez, Adam, ya greedy bastard.  You owe her at LEAST half, since she MADE YOU Gabriel Bingham. 

 

“I’m not blackmailing you,” says Sage.  “It’s in the fine print.  We share the fortune.”  She takes the papers from him, and starts looking for the right page.  “What’s yours, is mine.  The choice has been made for you.”  He snatches the will back, and looks at it.  “I’m YOUR WIFE,” says Sage.  HA!  HA HA HA!  Adam stares at her in disbelief.  She got you good, bro.  Show, you got me good, too. 

 

Sage Bingham has got game.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Avery looks really beautiful today, btw, with her hair in a pretty chignon, and she’s wearing a lovely plum suit.  Except it’s unzipped like 8 inches.

Heh, well Avery's always gotta work that sexy lawyer look, even when it's not Halloween. Anyways, I really liked her suit, especially the color. I thought it looked so much better than the mother-of-the-bride getup she wore on NYE

 

Cuz he’s got the hero gene.

Ugh, I guess that particular gene comes from Nikki? (Since both of her sons think it's up to them to right every wrong. But only they get to decide what's "wrong".)

[miamama]

Nick shows up early at Avery’s office for the mediation.  He looks like a hockey player with that hair and a suit.

 

YES! That's exactly what he looks like. lol.

[movinon]

 

Treacherous Kelly sits at the club drinking coffee, grinning like a cat over the top story on the GC Buzz:  Who Wore It Best? Complete with a photo of Kelly and Phyllis both wearing the ugly dress.  Stitch looks over her shoulder.  From the looks of it, she didn’t have such a great holiday.  She laughs.  It wasn’t so bad!  Stitch asks if GC Buzz got it wrong then, and Phyllis didn’t get in her face?  “Oh, she did,” smiles Kelly, “and it was enlightening.”  Really?  What’d she find out?  “Jack still loves me!” she whispers like a total loon.

While I would have loved to have seen Cynthia Waltros play this out, I think Cady McClain is doing a good job at this point.  I didn't like the Jack and Kelly story, but she is playing delusional really well.  I can't wait to see what she does next - while I have always enjoyed the Phyllis character, she does have some past-due shit coming her way.  I wonder if they are going to keep it fairly harmless like the NYE thing, or take it further, with one of them being in real danger.

 

[NinjaPenguins]

 

It’s a day for the three F’s:  family, food, and football.  I’ll add one more:  filler.  Let’s make this quick, because all the good stuff happens on Friday.

I know another F we can add. It's usually on my lips when Nick Newman is greasing up my screen.

 

Something has been nagging at me since Friday, and I have no idea why. Courtney seemed quite interested in Kevin and his weird ways. Did I miss something? Are Courtney and Kevin friends or do they work closely together? Was Courtney just babbling about Kevin as a plot device to get Mariah to the police station? I don't even know why I care, but it's been bugging me.

[Foghorn Leghorn]

 

Avery looks really beautiful today, btw, with her hair in a pretty chignon, and she’s wearing a lovely plum suit.  Except it’s unzipped like 8 inches.

 

 

LOL At first I thought oh how nice an outfit on Avery with no frontal eye draw and then the zipper!  The suit was beautiful and she can wear so many great colors but cleavage all the time takes away from her character!

[peach]

But only they get to decide what's "wrong"

Exactly.  And it's never them (or at least Nick, anyway).

Was Courtney just babbling about Kevin as a plot device to get Mariah to the police station? I don't even know why I care, but it's been bugging me.

 

I chalked it up to that, myself.  I liked it, though.  I'd like to see more of the PD interactions.  They could make that a stronger thread through the show.

[peacheslatour]

 

I know another F we can add. It's usually on my lips when Nick Newman is greasing up my screen.

Here's a couple more: Fast Forward.

[peach]

Mon, Jan 5    We Can’t Have Nice Things

 

Billy and Chelsea are at the club, and he tells her about the christening.   Thanks, Billy, but she’s not going.  Well, that’s a dumb move.  Billy squints at her like, wth?

 

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Adam looks at the will.  “So, you’re my WIFE?” he asks angrily.  “Til death do us part,” says Sage.  “Don’t you tempt me!” he snaps. She snickers, which…she doesn’t know Adam very well.  I wouldn’t be laughing about that, though I can’t blame her savoring this a bit. 

 

So, when the hell did THIS happen??  “Why?  You gonna buy me an anniversary gift?”  Seriously, when did it happen, Sage?  “It happened the day you became Gabriel Bingham.  He and I were married, which means, now, you and I are husband and wife.”  That was one hell of a honeymoon.  Adam’s in shock.  “Husband and wife.  And you bring this up NOW, when Constance is DEAD, and there’s money involved?”  Duh!  “You’re bluffing the wrong guy,” he warns.  Geez, why can’t you just split the fortune, ingrate?

 

Avery works at her desk in her unzipped top, and Dylan arrives.  Time to take a break!  Oh, thank goodness, because her life is so hard stealing children as Nick’s whiny pitbull.  Dylan has good news, the Chronicle has an editorial urging people to save Crimson Lights.  Avery thinks they need to parlay this into something bigger!  “How about we take it directly to the property owner?” suggests Dylan.  Wow, a local newspaper editorial?  That should totally change his mind.   Avery reminds him it’s just a holding company with a ridiculous name.  Yeah, but clever Dylan figures SOMEBODY has to be in charge, so they just have to get a name.  And they should start with her ex-husband.  Maybe unzip that thing all the way.

 

Abby, Stitch, and Ashley discuss the rape fragrance at Jabot.  Ash hired some specialist guy they call The Nose.  Well, Abby smells roses.  What?  Stitch says that stuff smelled like Victor, I mean, rotting skunk carcass.  Nope, she really does smell roses, because here comes Joe Clark bearing a bouquet of them.  Abby thinks maybe SHE should be The Nose!  She’s definitely Nose-y.

 

Victor’s on the phone in his office, yelling at someone about the editorial in the Chronicle.  The author made a very strong point!  “And it’s your responsibility to counter that!  I hired you for that!  If you can’t do that I’ll hire a new PR firm, YOU GOT THAT?”  He slams the phone down.  Victoria comes in with baby Katie.   Isn’t she cute, blah blah.  “I hired a full-time nurse by the way.  I expanded child care.”  Just for you, though.  Vicky thinks that’s wonderful.  Anything for Special Snowflake.  She’d like to know about that phone call, though, it sounded personal.  Victor just laughs and says she doesn’t miss a beat.  “You’re your father’s daughter,” he gushes, kissing her head.  And not answering the question.

 

Victor keeps making over the baby.  Blah blah.  Victoria keeps asking about the call and his fire eyes.  He loves that.  “Like a dragon?” he says.  Sure, whatever.  Victor tells her about sending a spy in Jabot, and Ashley figured it out and sent them false information.  Like the formula for tequila.  They chuckle.  “She knows you too well,” says Vicky.  He’s going to have to find a different angle, then.  “Meaning…ME?  You want me to get information out of Ben??  No, Dad.  Do not even go there.” 

 

Ashley and Joe coo over each other.  She asks if he’s trying to woo her over to the dark side.  “What dark side?” asks Abby excitedly.  Oh, his high rise development that will raze a city block.  Abby’s like, ohh, they’re guilt roses.  Those don’t smell so sweet.  Joe says more like thank you flowers for a memorable NYE.  Stitch is still just taking in the amazing Superman.  Joe remembers meeting him at the club.  Abby The Nose wants to know all about this NYE.  Ashley says she and Joe just kept each other company because he’s new in town.  Joe says he knew Ashley in New York, though.  “Did you now?” says The Nose.  “And she never mentioned it,” she says, smiling pointedly at Ashley.  Well, they better all get back to work.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” says Stitch, “your project, right?”  Joe says he’s seen Stitch at the coffee house.  He must be friends with McAvoy.  “And you’re the guy leading the charge to flatten Crimson Lights, right?”  Abby says that’s where the project is supposed to be??  “Good luck with that.”  Joe will just save his speech about creating jobs and reinventing the area, then.  “And erasing history?” says Stitch.  Significant historical coffee house history?  Well, he’s gotta get past Mac first, so fair warning, it won’t be easy.  Joe smiles.  “So I’ve heard.”  It’s always lovely to see Ashley, and bye.  Abby’s grinning with gossipy delight.  Hmm, seems like Ashley doesn’t need the new fragrance to drive men wild!

 

Dylan must have had a brain injury in Afghanistan.  He wants Joe’s number so he can ask him the seller’s name.  Avery’s like, Dylan…it’s not in his best interest to reveal the name of his client.  “But it’s in the best interest of this town,” says Dylan.  People DO care about Crimson Lights and they’re starting to take a stand.  So Joe will just join in or something.  Avery tries to explain that Joe’s not the sentimental type.  “Look, I’ve argued with this guy since he came to town.  I just need to reason with him.  He just needs to know that Crimson Lights is the kind of place that feels like home to a LOT of people, maybe even our little cheater kids one day.” 

 

Avery frowns at Dylan, like, omg, you are so dumb.  She’s like what good would it do to ask JOE for his help.  “What harm can it do?”  He promised he wouldn’t touch the guy.  And she’ll be right here with him.  “We’re a team.  Who can say no to Us?!”  Um, the person you fucking BETRAYED??  Avery says they’re about to find out.  She calls Joe.

 

Sage assures Adam this is NO bluff.  Gabe had to be married to receive his inheritance.  Oh, a marriage of convenience, is that what it is?  Sage and goody goody Gabe running a scam?  “You have NO CLUE about the life you stole!” cries Sage.  “I DIDN’T STEAL ANYTHING!  You HANDED it to me to protect Constance!  Now you want to cash in by conning me!”  Sage says his jaded and vicious talk is nothing like Gabriel.  He laughs.  “And you’re a poor, naïve soul who apparently isn’t above blackmail.”  Adam really seems to think he’s entitled to a stranger’s money, and Sage isn’t. 

 

Sage says she isn’t BLACKMAILING him, she’s making him honor his agreement.  Their agreement was to protect an elderly woman who she apparently loved, protests Adam.   “It seems to me she thought you were a sweet, attentive soul living in the servants’ quarters, so you gotta forgive me for not buying into it!”  Okay, she says smugly.  She pulls the marriage license out of the desk, where anyone including unobservant Adam could have found it.  “It’s real.  We’re married.  And dear husband…DO NOT call me a liar again.”  Adam peers at it, like, this blows!  Look at the upside.  Nick’s beloved angel of mercy is YOUR wife. Ha!  Nick can suck it.

 

Billy doesn’t get why Chelsea won’t come with him. I don’t get why there are shadows on their faces for no reason.  “Christenings are private,” says Chelsea.  She’s stepping back so he can share the day with Katie and her mother.  Billy didn’t ASK to have it without her.  He wants her there!  They’re interrupted by the waitress, and Billy just stares at Chelsea in hurt confusion.

 

Joe gets to Avery’s office.  He LIKES this, Avery calling him for a change.  Then he sees Dylan.  ARGH!  It’s an ambush!  Avery says it’s NOT an ambush.  She told him she wanted to talk about the project, and her client is joining them.  She gets out a violin.  Super Dylan’s not here as a client, okay.  He’s here as a guy trying to protect a part of this town’s history, protect something people care about.  Joe’s staring daggers.  “You know, next time, CALL me.  I don’t have time for this,” he growls, heading for the door. 

 

Wait!  Avery explains that Dylan would like to speak to the seller directly, and try to convince him or her not to make the sale.  Joe’s like, are you on drugs?  “Yeah, and how do I get paid if this deal tanks?”  So, wait…Dylan’s trying to figure this out.  “So you’re saying that for you and the seller, it’s just about making money?”  It’s called c-o-m-m-e-r-c-i-a-l  r-e-a-l  e-s-t-a-t-e.  “Unless I’m confused about business, then yes,” Joe glares. 

 

Dylan insists there are other buildings, on other blocks, in other towns, without this kind of history!  Only Crimson Lights history matters!  “You can find a new location and still make money!”  Well, so can you, Dylan.  But Avery says THIS building means too much, to too many people.  Like, about 17 spoiled people who like a muffin now and then.  “Joe, if you’re the man I thought I knew, you’ll tell us who’s behind the sale!” whines Avery.  STFU, cheater.  They stare plaintively at Joe, who looks like he’s thinking about what size concrete shoes Dylan wears.

 

Victoria blathers about how Victor is the Champion Of Working Parents Everywhere, if by that you mean just her.   It feels good to be back, with all the excitement of the new year.  Speaking of New Year’s excitement, Reed tells him Ben spent the night at her place.  Victoria stammers.  Uh…yeah, he slept on the couch, Dad.  On top of me.  Victor asks if it’s getting serious.  “Do you like him again now that he’s not a killer?”  He says Ben didn’t lie to save his own skin, like Victor does every day, but he lied to protect his mother.  That is indicative of A Man.  Then Vicky’s NOT going to spy on him!

 

Billy and Chelsea continue their tedious conversation about the christening, while Billy is bathed in Casablanca lighting like he's Ingrid Bergman.  She admits it just stirs up dark memories of Connor’s christening, and Adam putting Connor in Victor’s arms…because Victor was blackmailing him…for killing Delia.  So, no, she doesn’t want to go to Katie’s christening and think about THAT.  They bicker and the clueless waitress interrupts them again to tell them about today’s specials.

 

Adam also comments on the marriage license being where anyone could see it.  “Who would see it?” asks Sage.  Umm, Adam?  “Did Constance know you two were married?”  No, she was going to tell her after her health improved, as in never.  “Really.  Well, you were a little bit late on that one!”  So it appears.   Constance didn’t want Gabriel to float through life like a useless playboy, so she put that stipulation in the will.  “So Gabriel convinced you to go along with the con, hmm?  How’d he do that?”  Sage eyes the settee. 

 

She has a flashback to herself and Real Gabriel joking around while cozying up on the settee like two peas in a pod.  “Gabe, what do you think, Constance is just going to open up her vault and send you out in the world to eat, drink, and get lucky?  Gabe laughs.  A boy can dream can’t he?  “Money makes things so much easier, doesn’t it?” he says.  They laugh hysterically about the idea of him getting a JOB.  Can you imagine?!  LOLOLOL.  

 

But this whole marriage thing, it’s so cruel of Grandmother, isn’t it?  MARRIAGE?!  “The way she wants you to be looked after and cared for?  Geez!” says Sage.  Gabe grimaces.  As if he knows anyone who would want to do THAT.  He knows fortune hunters, and ski bunnies, and party girls.  Maybe he should take out an ad for somebody boring and presentable.  Sage’s eyes burn with longing.  Hmm, she thinks they can find a granddaughter-in-law that Constance would like.   They lean close to each other, smiling face to face.  “What about me?” breathes Sage.  “What about you?” asks Gabe, “is that a proposal?  “Say yes, Mr. Bingham,” glimmers Sage.

 

“How did Gabriel convince me to marry him?” says Sage. “He was very persuasive,” she says unconvincingly.  She turns away from Adam, in pain.  “So archangel Gabriel enlists you to help him get his grubby little hands on all that Bingham money. This guy sounds like a real saint.”  Sage says he was a better man than Adam could ever be.  So she keeps saying, over and over and over again, but entering a sham marriage just to swindle your grandmother out of some money…that’s pretty devious, idnit?  Sage looks down.  “Unless, of course, that’s not what really happened.  Sage, why don’t we try something new here.  You tell me the truth.”

 

Sage says she and Gabriel were best friends, they both loved Constance, so marriage made sense.  Especially when she got more frail and closer to dying and giving up all that money.  So this alleged wedding?  She says they went to a justice of the peace.  It was like making a pact in a treehouse, best friends for life.  And suddenly they were husband and wife.  They were driving home to tell Constance the wonderful news when they saw Adam’s burned up ass floating in the river.  And Gabriel went in to save him.  “On your wedding day,” says Adam.  Not even four hours a wife before she became a widow.  Adam’s like, well, you weren’t really much of a wife, if the only reason he married you was to get his inheritance.  “He married me for LOVE!” protests Sage….”of Constance.”  So what did SHE do it for?  Sage got exactly what she wanted!!  Money of her own!  “WHAT did I tell you about trying to BLUFF ME?” shouts Adam.  Ya can’t con a con.

 

Chelsea asks Billy how giving him space to be with Victoria is some kind of issue?  Because it isn’t about BILLY, it’s about ADAM.  Etcetera, etcetera.  “Adam will always be between us.  Because of YOU, not me,” says Chelsea.

 

Abby teases Ashley about “friends” like Joe.  Hey, let’s just try out some fragrances, okay??  They go in Jack’s office.  Abby asks if they’re going for what a woman would choose, or what a man would react to?  Both, actually.  Because a woman would buy it first, says Ashley, and buy it again if it worked.  And a man would buy it for a woman so he could rape her, I mean, as a gift.  Yeah, a gift.  Stitch is like, yeah, you associate a certain scent with a woman from her perfume.  Or even her shampoo in the shower, says Abby.  Stitch knocks over half the bottles.  They find one they all like in like 10 seconds.  Abby rushes off to marketing. 

 

Stitch and Ashley act sort of awkward. They discuss NYE.  Stitch mostly watched the boys.  Ash insists Abby read more into hers than was there.  Well, that’s good, because Joe Clark?  “He’s a snake that would happily ruin the best guy I know.”  The best cheating guy he knows.

 

Joe is sitting in the conference room with Avery and Dylan.  He’s annoyed.  “This is an old-fashioned double team.”  Dylan hits him with this plea for the community, and YOU, Avery, hit him where it hurts!  “The man that you thought you knew,” he mocks.  Avery says it’s not meant to hurt, Joe, it’s a reminder that things that don’t have to be this way.  Just continue to give us whatever we want and screw your own needs and plans. 

 

“I understand that you’re in business and want to make a profit, but all we’re asking is that maybe there’s another way.”  Like not making a profit.  Please, just hook them up with the seller directly so they can ruin your deal!  “You’re killing me,” he groans.  The cheaters look on earnestly.  “So you’ll give us the name?” asks Dylan.  “Look, if I get you in a room, that’s it.  It’s on you.”  OF COURSE.  Thank you so much, Joe!  He’ll do his best, Avery, so that you get all the things. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!

 

 

He leaves.  Even Avery can’t believe this.  “Did that just happen?”  Even Dylan gets that Joe is just doing this to score points with her.  The phone rings.  Omg, the Chronicle wants to do a follow up interview with Dylan?  At Crimson Lights in 30 minutes?  Mr. McAvoy will be there!  Joe was LISTENING!  Maybe he didn’t take crazy pills.

 

Victoria blah coparenting blah.  So, don’t stir up any bad feelings, Victor!  “I won’t.  Billyboy Abbott is a sad waste of space.  I will try to keep the thoughts to myself, K?”  Thanks SO much.  And clear your schedule for the christening.  Obviously, Billy will be there, so promise to be on your best behavior.  “For the sake of the baby..I will try to have Billy killed.”  Just kidding.  He says he’ll try to be on his best behavior.  Which isn’t a very high bar.

 

Chelsea tells Billy they’ve been happy, and they’ve been through some “crazy stuff” like, you know, her raping him in a revenge plot.  But if she can’t be honest with her feelings…  Blah blah.  She should come with him!  Okay, fine, she’ll go to the christening.  Billy’s like…you know what…just forget it.  She’s like Oh my GOD!  Which is it?! They bicker. He loves her!  She’ll go!  They giggle and decide to get out of there.  The dumbass waitress arrives with coffee.  Whatever, bring the check.  “Nothing else for you and your wife?”  Well, that was awkward…?  Was it?  Was it really?

 

Sage says it’s NOT a BLUFF.  “So I’m to believe that you’re this money grubbing opportunist?” asks Adam.  He KNOWS it’s not about the money for her!  She has her reasons! “I’ll uncover every single one of them!” shouts Adam.  He narrows his eyes a bit.  Hmm.  Maybe it IS about the money for her.  “Yeah…you just got tired of being Cinderella under the stairs.” 

 

Maybe it was for vengeance, says Sage, just like him.  Adam says it’s not vengeance, it’s justice.  Surely she doesn’t mind him avenging the suicide of Gabe’s father, sticking it Victor Newman for sending him to an early grave?  Sage wouldn’t mind it at all.  “Well, looks like I’m not the only predator on the block,” he says.  So let’s hash this out.  It should be pretty simple. 

 

Cinderella under the stairs smiles knowingly.  It’s not simple.  “It IS simple!  We get a damn divorce, we do it as soon as we possibly can, and we take the inheritance and split it 50/50.  That’s what people do!”  Sage says he always thinks he’s one step ahead, doesn’t he?  “I usually AM!”  Not this time, blondie.  Keep reading.  He looks at the will and shakes his head at her.

 

Dylan’s going to the interview.  Avery tells him to remember the way he talks about Crimson Lights.  He gets this look in his eye, focused and intense!  Dylan stares at her blankly.  “That’s the look that made me fall in love with you,” she gushes.  You get the Chronicle to capture THAT, Super Dylan’s intensity, and he’s unstoppable!  WE are unstoppable, corrects Dylan.  He says even Joe thinks they make a great team.  #CRAZYPILLS! Avery thinks they obviously got to him if he agreed to set up this meeting!  Yeah, you really got Superman on the ropes.  Well, he hasn’t come through for them yet, but go to this interview.  It’s important, so go get’em, tiger.  I just realizes Avery’s suit also has a zipper going UP the BACK of the skirt.  Which is also half unzipped.  Ummm…no.

 

Joe calls!  He’s at the club.  “It worked.  The seller’s willing to meet.  But it has to be now or never.”  Uhh, Dylan just left for his CRUCIAL interview!  “Avery, come on, this is a one time offer.  If Dylan’s not serious…”  WAIT!!  Will I do?!  “What, the guy’s girlfriend?” smirks Joe.  No, his ATTORNEY, with a DEEP VESTED INTEREST.  Obviously, Joe is the deep vested interest.  He’s playing her like a violin.  “Look, if he walks out, that’s not on me.  Understood?”  Great, she’ll be there!  Okay, well it had to be neutral territory, so he booked a suite at the club for privacy.  “You booked a suite??”  Hey, it was SUPPOSED to be Dylan, but if that’s an issue, he’ll cancel it.  But that’s it, Avery.  There’s not gonna be another opportunity.  “Tell the seller I’m on my way.”  She frets.

 

Ashley says Joe’s just brokering a business deal, he’s not out to destroy Dylan.  “Avery fell in love with the Dylan while she was married to Joe. You don’t think the guy’s still a little bitter?” asks Stitch.  Well, he didn’t seem bitter on NYE.  “Well, booze has that effect on people.”  Oh, is he talking about his own tequila fueled evening?  “No, but I guess you are.”  Ashley giggles.  She’s sorry, she’s not supposed to bring that up, even though she does every single day.  Business and personal overlaps blah BLAH. 

 

Abby comes back.  She senses the weird vibe between them again.  Wow, Ashley’s “business” suit has a sheer black lace cutout in the back.  I always wondered who ordered Victoria’s Secret “business” clothes.  Abby asks if they can really promise that if women put on this love potion, that men will react?  “Oh, it’s the truth,” says Stitch.  “It lights the match.”  Abby is suspicious.  Her skirt has zippers all over it, too.  At least they’re zipped.  Stitch leaves.  “Now that he’s gone,” says Abby, “can we talk?”

 

Avery rushes into the club and runs into FREAKSHOW Michael who asks why SHE is so jumpy.  Wow.  She’s trying to find out who the owner of the warehouse property is.  She has a secret meeting with the seller, arranged by Joe.  Michael asks where he is.  He usually takes care of business at the end of the bar.  Hello, it’s a SECRET meeting.  It’s in a suite upstairs.  Oh, well then Freakshow will go with her.  Um, why?  Well, he represented Joe’s business affairs, he DOES know both ends of this argument.  Yeah, and you quit and pissed him off.  YOU AREN’T INVITED, Freakshow!  Omg, he’s a TERRIBLE LAWYER.  

 

Avery says it’s a delicate situation, and Joe was jumpy on the phone.  She thinks it’s best if she plays by his rules on this one.  Michael frowns.  “All the more reason I should join you.”  It’s PRELIMINARY, Michael, no.  “I don’t like him.  I don’t trust him.  What, you alone, up in his suite?? His rules, no witnesses?  I don’t like it.”  I guess a rapist would know.  Avery’s like whatever.  “I can handle Joe Clark.  I was MARRIED to the man.  He’s a snake oil salesman, but he’s harmless.”  Bye, Freakshow.  Oh, but don’t tell Dylan.  Michael’s offended, like he tells Dylan everything?  No, you just tell the authorities.  “Well, your first reaction was to be protective…times that by 100.”  Dylan has a hard time listening to reason where Joe’s concerned, or anything else.  Reasoning is hard.  Michael says we all have our little secrets.

 

Chelsea and Billy forget they’re in the 1% and think they need to explain their relationship status to an idiot peasant waitress.  She goes to get the check.  “Omg, she thinks you’re my illicit lover,” whispers Chelsea.  Billy says it looks like they’re cheating.. because of THAT.  He points to her wedding ring.

 

Abby and Ashley don’t know the full story they each have from NYE.  Well, Abby’s date barely spoke English, and she ended up getting kissed by a cop at midnight that she barely knew.  But it wasn’t so bad!  So, Abby the Nose wants to know what did ASHLEY do to EARN those dozen roooses?!  “Did you really just say EARNED?  Are you kidding me right now?”  She didn’t mean it like that.  It was a date with a friend, that’s it.  Abby thinks Stitch didn’t like it.  Go kiss your policeman again.  She tells Abby to take the fragrance samples back to the lab.  Hmm.  Abby gets a test tube out of her purse and steals some love potion.  Well, this should be interesting.

 

Stitch chats with Dylan at Crimson Lights about the interview.  That Joe Clark is too slick, says Stitch.  He guarantees that guy practices his smile in the mirror every day.  Cough*jealous*cough  “I hear ya, trust me.  But there might be an actual human being inside that suit,” says homewrecker Dylan.  Stitch doubts it.  Dylan blabs about the secret seller meeting.  Ahh, come on, that’s just to look good in front of his ex, it’s a slimy move.  Hey, Dylan knows, he knows, but he’ll take it!  “Once this deal’s off the table, there’s nothing for him here.  The sooner that guy leaves, the better.” 

 

Joe lets Avery in the suite.  How long before the client gets here?  “Actually, it’s just going to be you.  And  me."  HE LOCKS THE DOOR.  Dammit, show!!!  WHY CAN’T WE EVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE???

 

Well, we just haven’t had enough of Vicky and Victor today.  Blah blah blah.  She’ll see him at the christening, on his best behavior.  “And now that you’re not romantically involved with Billyboy Abbott, I may even shake his hand.”  Wow.  What’s the world coming to?  “No!  No physical contact!” says Vicky.  And he’s still in her life blah kids blah.  They’ve both moved on.

 

Billy and Chelsea argue about the big, shiny thing right in front of them.  “If you are over Adam, then why are you still wearing his ring?”  Because it’s about 20 carats, that's why.

 

Adam stares at the will.  “No no no no no no, this isn’t real!”  Sage says Constance knew Gabriel always took the easy way out, and she wanted a commitment.  The marriage had to last.  “THREE YEARS?!  I can’t be married to you for THREE YEARS!”  Wow, Constance was a real sadist.  That would be like the longest marriage in Genoa City history.  On the bright side, Adam served one of these years in a hospital bed, so he’s down to two.

 

“I already have a wife!” says Adam.  “You have a WIDOW,” corrects Sage.  “Your name is Gabriel Bingham, and if we want this money, we have to be married until the end of THREE years.”  Adam is pissed.  “I am ALIVE, Sage.  I am not your dead husband/best buddy Gabriel!”  Okay, fine, she says, picking up the phone.  “Why don’t you call your wife and tell her you’d like to come home?”  Adam’s like…dammit!

[peacheslatour]

 

HE LOCKS THE DOOR.  Dammit, show!!!  WHY CAN’T WE EVER HAVE ANYTHING NICE???

OHSONOFABITCHDAMMITSHIT!!!

[NinjaPenguins]

So Joe Superman has gotten rapey. Well, homegirl doesn't play that. Go lick a kryptonite popsicle, Joe.

 

 

Ashley giggles.  She’s sorry, she’s not supposed to bring that up, even though she does every single day.  Business and personal overlaps blah BLAH.

 

Meanwhile, the ongoing sexual harassment saga at Jabot continues apace.

 

 

Dylan stares at her blankly.  “That’s the look that made me fall in love with you,” she gushes.

Poetry.

 

 

They laugh hysterically about the idea of him getting a JOB.  Can you imagine?!  LOLOLOL.

I wish Gabriel was still alive so he could hook up with Summer. They are perfect for each other.

[movinon]

 

Ash hired some specialist guy they call The Nose.  Well, Abby smells roses.  What?  Stitch says that stuff smelled like Victor, I mean, rotting skunk carcass.  Nope, she really does smell roses, because here comes Joe Clark bearing a bouquet of them.  Abby thinks maybe SHE should be The Nose!  She’s definitely Nose-y.

Do we have a new name for Abby?.....I kinda like it.  Great recap, Peach.  It's too much - that gorgeous Joe with roses - I think I could pass out any time now.

[peach]

Tue, Jan 6    SQUIRREL!!

 

So, yesterday Joe locked Avery in the suite with him.  She stands up, concerned. “What do you think you’re doing?”  “Conducting business,” he says.  Then why did he lock the door?  “Because I wanted some privacy.”  Someone from the Winters clan could burst in for sex at any moment.  “The seller’s not coming, is he?  This was an EXCUSE to get me alone with you.”  He stares.

 

Sharon comes in as Dylan finishes up his interview with the reporter at Crimson Lights.  She hopes it helps his cause.  He does, too, because he’s running out of options.  “It’s amazing how willing people are to destroy something that’s meant so much to them,” she says. Dylan agrees.  “They forget how much went into creating it.”  IT’S A COFFEE SHOP.

 

But of course, it’s special to Sharon, she has a lot of old memories from high school, and when she and Nick bought the place.  There was also the tiki engagement. I think she ought to burn it to the ground!  She looks on the terrace.  “That spot right there used to be Cassie’s corner,” she smiles…but then, she trembles and struggles to hold back the tears.   “I’m sorry,” she weeps.  “I just can’t bear the thought of losing one more thing in my life.”  Oh, man.  Feelz.  Dammit, Joe Superman!  You made Sharon cry.  Save Crimson Lights!  #flipflop #dontjudgeme

 

Nick apprehensively shows up at Victor’s office. So, Victor understands the mediation didn’t go so well.  Maybe because Nick’s a knucklehead.  Nick says he’d really rather Victor not be involved in the custody battle.  “Too late, son.  I’ve been asked to give a deposition.”  Nick frowns.  Avery didn’t mention that.  That’s because SHARON’S attorney requested it.  Nick’s like why would they do that?  Gosh, I don’t know.  Because he’s the sociopathic instigator of most of Sharon’s mental problems and sent a paid ghost to break into Faith’s house?

 

Devon walks down the hall to a suite.  He sends Hilary a text. “Thinking of you.  Only you.”  He smiles.  He knocks on the door, saying he got a call about a problem in this room?  And you insisted on seeing the billionaire owner--  Omg.  It’s Gwen.  Looking ah-mazing wearing a slinky black dress and winning smile.  “Yeah, I insisted on the seeing the manager,” she says, slipping off her wraparound dress and revealing some pretty incredible lingerie.  “It’s something only he can handle,” she purrs.  Devon is stunned.  She beckons him with her finger. 

 

Chelsea and Billy argue about her wedding ring.  “You haven’t had your ring tattoo removed, so explain that one, Billy.”  Yeah, that’s the same as jewelry.  What do you want him to do, scrape it off with a pocketknife?  Put his tattoo in his pocket?  Billy starts stammering about it, but they’re interrupted by Neil.  I didn’t think it was possible for me to be glad about that, but I AM. 

 

He’s there for a meeting with the SBA or something, to get his input on the economic impact of the development project.  Still more interesting than Chilly arguing about Adam.  Neil’s obviously pleased to be doing something businessy.  Chelsea says they miss him as the head of fashion at Jabot.  He’ll call her sometime.  Oh, no, he’s leaving!  Chelsea starts in on why Billy hasn’t had the tattoo removed.  Well, that doesn’t explain why she doesn’t take a ring off, like, now.   For the love of God, SHUT! UP!

 

Meanwhile, back at the castle, the bitter standoff continues.  Sage holds out the phone to Adam.  “Go ahead, ADAM, why don’t you call Chelsea and tell her you’re alive.”  He sulks and turns away in pain.  “What’s the matter?” snarks Sage.  He slams the phone in the cradle.  It’s a pretty old phone, the good, old-fashioned, slamming kind.  Sage smirks in the background.  Like, she’s actually trying not to laugh.  “I will not be held hostage in this marriage, Sage,” he pouts.  He turns and looks at her.  “And I will not let you keep me from the woman I love.”  Relax, Adam, it’s not like you have to share a bedroom or wear matching Hawaiian shirts.

 

“What are you planning to do?” asks Sage warily.  “Well, there is the obvious choice.”  “Which is?”  He chuffs.  Um, killing you??  “Well, nobody really knew you were married to Gabriel, Sage.  You don’t have any family…you really don’t have any friends,” he shrugs, sorrynotsorry.  “As far as I could tell, Constance was the only one who knew you were alive.”  Sage is like, so?  SO?  Girl, you in danger!!  “If you were to go missing, who would look for you, who would wonder where you were?  Who would even care?”  He smirks.   You could say that about him, of course, but she says, “You wouldn’t DARE.” 

 

He moves toward her, a cocky predator.  “You really don’t think I’m that driven to get my life back?  That desperate to get back what I had with Chelsea?”  Sage holds her ground.  “I don’t know, ARE you?”  He says she better damn well believe he is.  She studies him.  “Do yourself a favor.  Don’t you ever forget who it is you’re dealing with,” he says menacingly, leaning down in her face.  He starts to turn away, but she grabs his arm.  “Don’t you forget,” she says just as menacingly.  “Like you said, I have nothing.  I got nothin’ to lose here.  So it seems like the person who should be careful…is you, Adam.”  He frowns slightly, like, why isn’t this working?

 

Nick’s too dumb to understand why Sherman would call Victor as a witness.  How would that help them?  “By claiming that my tormenting and harassing Sharon made her do what she did.”  Oh, that’s right.  “You mean because you hired Mariah to pose as Cassie, endangering Sharon’s well-being, and Faith’s in the process.”  Yeah, THAT.  Victor says he did it to protect Nick and to protect Faith!  Any fool could see how safe and beneficial and not insane that was for Faith.  “Well, that’s not gonna stop Sherman from trying to prove that Faith is better off with Sharon than ANY Newman, including me,” says Nick.  EUREKA!  He’s got it!

 

Victor assures him he’ll say nothing that would hurt his chances to gain full custody.  Right, like he’s not going to go all Jack Nicholson in there.  Nick says he may not be able to avoid that after everything’s he done to Sharon.  Hey, Victor’s just warning him about the tactics Sharon’s going to use.  He might be able to handle that David Sherman guy, but that bastard’s going to go after other members of their family, including his mother!  And we all know the kinds of things he’ll say about Grandma Baby Hater.  Nick frowns.  “So are you saying I need to drop this custody suit?”

 

Sharon explains to Dylan how they were ABOUT to reach a shared custody agreement, when suddenly it all went sideways, and she doesn’t even know how.  NICK’S AN ASS, that’s how.  Dylan says they were able to put aside their differences for Christmas.  Yeah, but Sharon says that was easy for HER, because she still cares about Nick.  “Part of me can’t believe that somehow his love for me just…died.”  She keeps thinking about his reassurances that Love Was Going To Win, and nothing would change the way he felt about her.  Dylan looks sad. “I’m sorry,” he says.  Guys just say shit like that, what can you do?

 

Well..now she has to do EVERYTHING she can to keep her daughter, like get a job.  She has some leads.  Since she can’t work for Jabot or Newman-Chancellor…what does that even leave?  Dog walker?  Fenmore’s?  Maybe she can get Kelly’s job when she goes off the rails.  Dylan has to go find Avery about the meeting Joe set up.  “Well, hopefully both of our situations will resolve soon,” says Sharon.  Dylan’s situation will probably resolve in getting arrested very soon.  Hilary walks by, smiling at Devon’s text. “I bet I can guess who that’s from,” smiles Sharon.  Betcha can’t.

 

Devon comes in the suite and closes the door.  He kinda stands there.  “I just wanted to surprise you,” Gwen says uncertainly.  He doesn’t say anything, so she hastily grabs her dress.  “Clearly I did, just not in the way I’d hoped.”  Devon looks pained.  He’s sorry.  It’s a fine surprise…it’s just that she caught him at a bad time. What, a gay time?  She’s like, ugh, “I wish you wouldn’t do that.  If you’re not interested…” He’s like what are you talking about, I like you a lot.  She’s like, that’s the problem, it’s just like.  When they kissed on NYE….ugh, clearly she got the wrong impression. 

 

She rushes out of the room, and he follows her into the hallway.  “Gwen, wait!”  She says, “Look, if you’re back with that married woman you’re into, just tell me!”  NEIL walks around the corner.  Well, if it isn’t Gwen and Devon he hears.  “Yeah, it’s me,” says Gwen, embarrassed and hurt.  “Bye, Devon.”  She takes off, and Neil says, “Well, son, it sounds like we have a lot to talk about.”

 

Michael’s in his office being rude on the phone.  Kevin shows up and nags him about choosing a cancer treatment, but Dylan blows in and interrupts.  He’s trying to find out if Avery found out anything about the holding company.  They did a basic Internet Search, but couldn’t find anything.  These lawyers are crack researchers.  Kevin says, well…in the hands of the right computer tech…  Michael says DON’T even think about it.  “I’m just saying people have found a lot more, with a lot less.”  Dylan squints.

 

Avery says, “I don’t know WHAT you’re thinking, Joe.”  He just wanted to TALK, that’s all.  She has an office!  Hey, he didn’t want to be interrupted.  It’s perfectly normal to lock a woman in a hotel room for little chat.  She’s hastily stuffing her papers in her briefcase.  He’s like just give me a MINUTE.  “After the way things ended, you owe me that much!”  Holy Pete, you lost that argument the second you LOCKED THE DOOR.  She’s like WHAT is left to say?!  “Everything I should have said when you left Dylan and came back to try and make our marriage work.”  Wait, when did they add that?  “That was a mistake,” says Avery, heading for the door.

 

Joe says the only mistake was that when he found out about the affair, he didn’t give them a second chance.  “Joe, you saw what I didn’t.  That what we had was over!”  WTH are they TALKING ABOUT?!  Dylan was her epic love, and she never looked back.  HE ACTUALLY COMPLAINED ABOUT IT IN A DIFFERENT EPISODE.   #crazypills 

 

“It wasn’t over for ME!” he says.  So this is why he came to GC?  He swears that was a coincidence.  “What WASN’T, Avery, was when I saw you.  The floodgates opened.  All those feelings, everything we had.  When you had that affair with Dylan, I was devastated.  I lost the most precious thing I’ve ever gotten,” he pleads desperately.  He sounds pretty sincere for a door locker. 

 

NOW Avery gets mad.  “You can’t blame SUPER DYLAN for that!!”  He doesn’t!  “I don’t blame you, I blame me!”   He knows he was too caught up in his career, making money, he did it all for her!  “And I never felt more alone!” she cries.  Blah blah.  “That’s why I’m here, to ask for a second chance.  A chance to make this right,” he begs.

 

Billy and Chelsea continue their petty argument.  She has to go pick up Connor, so she leaves.  They’re both frustrated.  Riveting.

 

Sage says Adam doesn’t deserve Gabriel’s face, and he sure as hell doesn’t deserve to have his [money] life.  Adam starts laughing, kinda like Jerry Maguire.  “THE MAN CONNED YOU!  He tricked you into marrying him so he could get his grandmother’s money!  THAT’S ALL IT WAS!  You defend this guy like you’re in love with him, my God!”  Now it’s Sage who turns away to hide her hurt.  Adam’s like, oh, hell, that’s what it was!  He laughs more.  “That’s how he was able to get you to go along with this con, huh?  Hidden passion, secret longing?”

 

Sage glares.  She never claimed that she and Gabriel had this Great Love.  “Unlike you, who goes on and on about your Deep Connection with Chelsea,” she mocks.  “Yeah, it must not be THAT deep if she moved on to another guy, into your penthouse, into your bed, around your children..”  That’s enough! “Oh, you can dish it out, but you can’t take it??”  They bicker.  Adam rubs his chin.  This is gonna be a long three years, isn’t it?  NOPE!  It’s gonna be two years, two weeks, and one day.  But who’s counting? 

 

“So we reconvene at that time, split everything up, and we never have to see each other again!” he says.  Well, it cannot come fast enough for HER.  She plops down in a chair.  Adam fidgets a minute.  “I’m not THAT bad,” he finally says.  “YES.  You are.”  Fine!  “But hear this..and I really hope you’re listening to me right now, because I’m gonna warn you.”  Sage raises her eyebrows, like, oh, please, warn me, big man. 

 

“I may be stuck in this sham marriage with you because of that old lady’s will, but you better stay out of my way!  Because I WILL win Chelsea back, she WILL be mine.  And no one’s gonna stand in my way.  That includes you.”  She’s like whatever, asshole.  He storms out, and she deflates a little.  Chin up, Sage!

 

Victor says OF COURSE he doesn’t want Nick to GIVE UP the custody fight.  Sharon is an unfit mother!  Nick’s conflicted.  “I’m doing what I think is best for Faith. And that doesn’t include bashing Sharon.  She is Faith’s mother.”  HERESY!!  “Have you forgotten how easily she handed over Summer to JackAbbottofallpeople?!”  Of all people?  You mean of all the people who might have been Summer’s dad for the past 18 years?  Because that was pretty much just JackAbbott.  Nick sighs.  No, he hasn’t.
“She made you suffer the loss of a child!  Are those the actions of a loving mother?  Who does that??” says VICTOR NEWMAN.  “I’ll TELL you who does that, son.  Someone as SICK AND DEPRAVED as Sharon is!  I’m gonna do everything in my power to make sure you win this case!”  Nick doesn’t have much stomach for this.  “I think the only thing you need to do, is tell the truth.” 

 

Victor stares at the ceiling and heaves a sigh. Kids today!  “Have you forgotten the lengths Sharon will go to, to win this case?”  He stares Nick down.  “You have to get in the trenches with her!  You have to fight dirty!  Otherwise you’re going to lose your daughter!”  Or, you know, you could just share custody like you do right now.  Nick frowns a lot. This sure sounds like a lot of work.

 

Chelsea gets home to the penthouse.  Adam catches her outside the door.  “Chelsea, is that you?!”  Omgosh, Gabriel!  What are you doing here?  Oh, he’s waiting for a realtor to show him a penthouse.  WHAT A SMALL WORLD.  But, gosh, it looks like he’s not showing up.  He knows it’s forward, but is there any way he could come in and look around her unit for a minute?  Chelsea’s like, ooo, my boyfriend’s gonna be home soon, and he’s not gonna be in the best mood. “You know, I’m sorry I asked,” he says graciously, “it’s clearly not the best time, plus you don’t really know me.”  Chelsea the brilliant con artist says, you know what, it’s fine, I can show you around!  Well, that’s nice of her!

 

Devon and Neil sit in the restaurant.  So is everything okay with Gwen?  Oh, yeaaaah,  they’re fiiine.  Blah blah.  If Devon ever needs a woman’s perspective he can talk to Hilary.  I think Devon’s gotten quite a bit of her “perspective.”  But how is Neil doing?  Lily’s worried about him.  Neil says he’s doing better that he’s done in a long time.  Guess why?  HILARY IS THROWING AWAY HER BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.  Devon’s like, that’s…fantastic.  He’s so HAPPY for you guys.  Neil says he doesn’t SOUND happy.  And he thinks he knows why.  He doesn’t want to wear a condom, that’s why.

 

Sharon says she just noticed Hilary’s smile when she read her text.  It’s so SWEET of Neil to send messages like that.  Hilary’s like, yeah.  Listen, Sharon, Hilary is really sad you got fired from Jabot. “It’s just collateral damage from the war I’m in, with…just about everybody,” she says.  But she’s determined to stay strong for her family, especially Faith.   Hilary says Sharon was the only one who was nice to her when everyone else wasn’t, so if there’s ANYTHING she needs… 

 

Sharon says she’s already doing it.  Hilary’s an inspiration that no matter how bad things are, they can always work out!  “Look at you and Neil.  He forgave you for what you did to his family, and now you have a wonderful life with the man you love!”  Hilary looks like she’s going to burst into tears.  Sharon frowns.  “Is everything okay between you and Neil?”  Hilary says it’s just the usual stuff.  That’s actually true in GC.  She better get going, and rushes off.  Which is okay, because Nick just walked in.  He glares at her.  “I didn’t want this to get ugly, but you’ve left me no choice!”  Yeah, Sharon, why’d you have to make it get UGLY when he stole your kid?

 

Michael points his pen at Kevin.  “I meant it, Kevin, NO HACKING!”  Kevin’s like, bitch, please.  “I don’t hack.  I navigate cyberspace with precision and alacrity.”  Well, don’t call MICHAEL when you get arrested for illegally “navigating.”  Kevin never said he would!  Dylan never asked!  Good, so, what is that you know about this holding company, asks Kevin excitedly.  Blah Gerolamo blah. 

 

Dylan was wondering if Avery heard anything about Joe’s meeting.  Michael intones darkly that she’s meeting with a client.  He apologizes for ever taking Joe on as a client and helping make this happen.   Like that’s the worst thing he’s ever done to Dylan.  #muddyboots  Dylan says Michael realized there more important things than the bottom line.  Let’s just hope Joe reaches the same conclusion. 

 

Joe insists he can treat Avery right this time.  She blathers about loving Dylan.  She’s going to MARRY HIM!  Joe thinks she’s just trying to prove something, that because she left him for Dylan, she has to see it all the way through and marry him!  “Don’t give up the rest of your life just to prove a point!”  She WANTS to!  And he has to accept that and move on!  Avery, he cries.  “YOU CALL THE SELLER, and you tell him to STOP the warehouse sale!”  She storms out the door, but then she leans on the wall in the hallway.  She's reeling.  Is Joe RIGHT about her??

 

Neil guesses Devon thinks he can’t handle another baby because he’s blind? Devon smirks.  “You have to admit that things are different now.”  Yeah, but he’s adjusted.  And, HELLO, he’s praying his vision returns.  Duh.  Devon’s like, great, but does he think the timing is right?  Neil frowns.  The timing is PERFECT, Devon.  Hilary wants this baby as much as he does.  Devon’s like, right, did she SAY that? 

 

Neil’s confused.  Why would she SAY anything.  HE TOLD HER she wants a baby. DUH.  If she didn’t want one, she’d tell him, and he’d ignore her.  “We have such a SOLID relationship that we don’t hide anything from each other.”  Instead of feeling even a flicker of shame, Devon is trying not to LAUGH.  You’re totally going to hell, Devon.  Neil says why shouldn’t they start a family?  “I can’t think of one reason,” snickers Devon.  Hilary walks up and joins them.  She feels like she’s interrupting something.  Nope, Devon is just taking off, actually.  See ya.  Ohhh, apparently he’s MAD at Hilary.

 

He walks up to Gwen who’s sadly nursing a glass of wine at the bar.  “I want to apologize.  And I want to make it up to you, upstairs,” by using you to get back at someone.  “I think it would be a damn shame to waste what you got underneath that dress.”  It would be a damn shame to waste it on DEVON, but she smiles.  He starts passionately kissing her.  Hilary looks on like, whaaaat the hell is going on?

 

SHARON BRINGS IT:  “Do you expect me to just hand Faith over to you on a silver platter and not fight for her??”  Nick expected her to FIGHT FAIR, and not go after his demented family.  “How is it FAIR that you’re trying to take my daughter away from me?!”  Nick says, “YOU brought this on yourself.”  Okay, Sharon admits she made a big mistake—“A MISTAKE?  You didn’t accidentally alter Summer’s DNA test.  You did that on purpose. You purposely screwed with her life. I will not allow you to screw up Faith’s life, too.” 

 

“Ohhh my GOD, Nick!  I am SO sick and tired of you coming down on me like you’re some kind of saint!  You’re NOT!  You’ve made mistakes, too!  You’ve DONE THINGS that have hurt our children!!”  Nick glowers.  “Nothing I have EVER done compares to what you did.”  Except for when I did it. 

 

“You abandoned Noah and me when Cassie died! He was just a little boy!  We were GRIEVING!  You ran off and got PHYLLIS pregnant!  And just when Noah got USED to you not being around, then you came back to me, remember?  That was when Faith was conceived, the daughter that Cassie told us we would have.  But you didn’t stay with me then, either.  You LEFT me again.  You abandoned Noah, AND me, AND FAITH, A-GAIN!!!”  <round of applause>

 

“I never claimed to be perfect,” pouts Nick.  “Oh, FAR FROM IT.  You knew that the first DNA test was corrupt, and you kept that to yourself.”  Ohh, is Nick gonna cwy?  “You didn’t mention that to Phyllis, OR Jack, or anyone.  What if things had turned out differently, hmm?  What if YOU had been keeping Jack’s daughter from HIM all this time?  Would that make YOU unfit?” she asks rhetorically.  <standing ovation>

 

Nick sticks his bottom lip out.  There’s your DNA test.  “We have both made mistakes.  Mine are just fresher.  All I’m ASKING you to do, is look inside your heart, and ask yourself honestly…do you think that I’m unfit to raise my daughter?” He zoned out, because…wait, a fresh woman walked in.  SQUIRREL!!  “Nick, ANSWER ME!”  He looks at Sharon like who are you again?  “We’ll talk later,” he mumbles and just walks away.  Sharon’s like, are you kidding me?  Write this down, Sharon.

 

Sage stands at the counter, looking sad.  Omg, she looks SAD!  Custody’s not that important when his new angel is bummed out!  “Sage…what’s wrong?”  Too bad she didn’t get to hear Sharon’s speech.

 

Chelsea’s finished showing smug Adam around his penthouse.  It’s warm and cozy!  “You know, I LOVE what you’ve done with your son’s nursery.”  Instead of instantly deciding this guy is a stalker pedo, she’s just sorry she didn’t turn the light on, so he could see it and her sleeping baby better. “Do you have children?  You never told me.”  Adam’s deciding how to answer, when Billy walks in.  “What are you doing here?”  Chelsea puts on an innocent face, but I think she’s really trying to stick it to Billy. 

 

Chelsea explains with wide eyes that Gabriel was looking for a unit to rent and the agent never showed up.  Billy’s like, ah, and he just happened to run into you?  Yep!  Gabe says Chelsea was nice enough to show him around.  “Sounds like fun,” Billy smiles coldly.  His eyes are like flint.  “So if you’re finished,” he says, looking at Chelsea, “I’d like to talk to you about where we left off earlier?”  Ugh, not that.  “I thought we were finished,” she says, with attitude.  They stare at each other. 

 

Gabe’s like, um, he’s taken up enough of her time, so thanks for the tour.  He swipes one of Connor’s toy cars while getting his coat.  Get a grip, Gabriel.  Oh, and Billy, he’ll be seeing more of you, he’s just taken a job at Jabot.  Billy’s still “smiling” suspiciously because obviously this dude is up to no good.  “Jack didn’t mention it to me.”  Oh, well, he’s sure he’ll clue him in to the details.  Chelsea smiles at him.  She LIKES him.  Bye, Gabriel.  He leaves.  He admires his stolen toy car in the hallway.  Weird.
Chelsea asks Billy WHAT is his problem with that guy??  Wow, so she sees Sage inside a major hotel, and she’s a stalker, but Gabriel can “run into” her EVERYWHERE including her FRONT DOOR, and ask her personal questions about CONNOR, and it’s all just a coincidence.  But Billy doesn’t want to talk about him.  He wants to talk about THIS, he says, pulling his bandaged finger out of his pocket.  Omg, I was kidding about the pocket knife.  Chelsea’s stunned.  How’d you get a tattoo removed in the last five minutes?

 

Nick sits with Sage and comforts her.  “I’m so sorry.  I know how close you were to Bingo’s grandmother.”  Sharon watches this weirdness unfold in disbelief.  “She was like a grandmother to ME,” says Sage.  He scoots closer.  “Is there anything I can do?” he asks earnestly.  No, she needs to go to the lawyer and sign some papers.  Well, if she needs anything, she knows where to find him.  She smiles sadly, and wipes away a tear.  “Thank you,” she whispers, and leaves.

 

Nick starts checking his phone, and Sharon walks over, shaking with anger.  “YOU…have TIME…to talk to some..STRANGER, and you don’t have time to talk to ME about our DAUGHTER?!”  Nick’s like…wut?  “I think a judge is going to find that very interesting!”  Nick looks around, confused. 

 

Kevin’s hovering in Michael’s office.  “What’s it gonna take to get rid of you?”  Tell him how exactly he plans on treating his cancer.  Actually, he’s seeing a new doctor tomorrow.  Kevin’s like, does that make THREE?  Nope, it’s actually four.  It’s called being thorough.  Kevin says it’s called STALLING.  Michael whines that when Kevin has cancer he can call it whatever he wants.  “Michael. YOU DO have cancer!”  And it’s SPREADING!  How many doctors is it going to take?  A thousand?  “When are you going to stop and face the truth!”  Michael looks like he might cry.  Just please, no screaming.

 

Avery wanders into Crimson Lights in a daze.  Dylan walks in.  She somehow gets the story out that she met Joe in a suite at the club, but it was just a trick to be alone with her.  Super Dylan launches himself toward the door, but Avery grabs him.  “NO.  That’s EXACTLY what he wants you to do!”  Dylan’s like, he wants YOU, Avery!  She insists he just wanted to talk, he wasn’t trying to bed her or anything.  “You don’t think it’s on his mind?!”  Avery’s like, no, she thinks it was a ploy.  “Yeah, to get you into bed!”  Avery says Dylan is making headway on stopping the project!  Joe’s desperate to derail his efforts!  “How does seducing you do that?”  Because he wants you to come after him!  “This isn’t ABOUT me, it’s about YOU!”  Well, what’d he want to talk about.  Or does he even have to ask?

 

Neil holds Hilary’s hand.  She asks why Devon seemed…upset.  Upset enough to make out with Gwen at the bar.  Oh, Neil told him she threw away her birth control pills, and they’re seriously trying to get pregnant, so he was concerned.  She’s like, omg.  She watches Devon take Gwen by the hand and lead her away.

 

Joe meets with Victor and says they’re expecting a great turnout for the cocktail party.  “So what’s the bad news?”  Dylan and Avery are determined to find out who the seller is.  “So what,” says Victor.  So, Joe just wants to make sure this deal is going to go through, and nobody knows of his involvement.  Victor peers over his glasses.  “I’m certain of it.”

 

Dylan paces around, and Avery says it doesn’t matter what JOE wants.  “I want YOU. I love you and I’m marrying you.  Joe’s just going to have to accept it.”  Well that’s not going to be easy, because she’s a hard woman to forget.  Dylan could never get her out of his mind.  “And we are finally together. Don’t let Joe ruin that for us,” she smiles.  They hug.

 

Nick will have Sharon know that her name is Sage.  And she is a friend, and she just lost someone very close to her.  Well, boo f’ing hoo.  “So PLEASE, do not try to use what you just saw against me in court.”  Sharon just stares at this monster.  “There was a time, and not that long ago, when you cared about MY pain, Nick!  NOW, I’m wondering how ugly you want this to GET, how far you are willing to go.”  Nick will go as far as he NEEDS to go to protect his daughter.   He walks out.  Sharon’s shaken.  SCORCH.HIS.EARTH.

 

Adam plays with Connor’s car back at the castle.  Sage walks in.  “You saw Chelsea,” she says.  “You jealous, Mrs. Bingham?”  She’s like, you do realize you’re not reuniting with your soulmate on your timetable?  Adam’s all giddy, because he thinks Billy’s going to do it all for him.  “He’ll screw this up one way or another.”

 

Chelsea holds Billy’s bandaged finger.  He did this for her?  Yeah, and the one that said Victoria on his back.  It might leave some scarring.  “It doesn’t matter,” she coos.  “You did it.”  “I love you,” says Billy.  She slowly takes Adam’s ring off, and puts it in a drawer.  She smiles at him poignantly.  “I love you, too.”  They kiss.

[Slowpokey]

Awesome Peach!!! Standing O!!!!!!!

[Joimiaroxeu]

SCORCH.HIS.EARTH.

YES. PLEASE!

 

Blah Gerolamo blah.

Well, at least we got reconfirmation that Joe does work for the Chicago developers and not Victor. He's just brokering the deal, which apparently hinges upon Victor being able to sell the property. What I don't understand is why the developers don't just buy it themselves. Is that illegal or something?

[peacheslatour]

 

Well, at least we got reconfirmation that Joe does work for the Chicago developers and not Victor. He's just brokering the deal, which apparently hinges upon Victor being able to sell the property. What I don't understand is why the developers don't just buy it themselves. Is that illegal or something?

Seriously.  Can't Victor just sell the property directly to the developers?  What's the hold up?