Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[Joimiaroxeu]

Nick just plain doesn't respect women

The apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Edited November 29, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[kia112]

We know this isn’t Real Nikki, because she doesn’t want any whiskey.  She makes him drink water.  “So, this is how you’re going to handle it, huh?   No emotion, just a lot of whiskey?”  He says that sounds like a country song he and Phyllis would have two-stepped to.  Is that a joke?  Did that really ever happen?? 

 

Oh, I'm sad that you missed that.  Yes, that really happened.  Nick and Phyllis went to some country bar during one of their wild and crazy adventures.  I don't remember if they actually aired the two step or not.  If they didn't, they talked about it incessantly afterward.

[Slowpokey]

Oh, I'm sad that you missed that.  Yes, that really happened.  Nick and Phyllis went to some country bar during one of their wild and crazy adventures.  I don't remember if they actually aired the two step or not.  If they didn't, they talked about it incessantly afterward.

Wasn't the country singer Trace Adkins on one time singing at a bar while Phick was there? I know MS was on one of the Country Awards show as a presenter a few years ago.

[MollyB]

Vaugely remembering the "country/cowboy" episode (complete with Stetsons).  Weren't Phyl and Nick getting married or renewing vows and he got Phyl's favorite country singer just for her?  and then there was a fire in the north forty and all the cowhands and Nick ran out to fight it and when they returned Nick was a hero because he is the bestest firefighter ever?

[valleycliffe]

I think It was her birthday or something and he had arranged a treasure hunt for her with trace at the end.

 

I didn't bother watching it as I never watched anything disgusting phick did I only know about it because of recraps.

[Slowpokey]

I think It was her birthday or something and he had arranged a treasure hunt for her with trace at the end.

 

I didn't bother watching it as I never watched anything disgusting phick did I only know about it because of recraps.

Yeah I never watched anything with Phick in it.My co worker was a big country music fan and she made mention of the show. Recraps is a good name.lol

[peach]

Dang, too bad I didn't get to make fun of that.  Because it sounds really stupid.

[peach]

Wed, Nov 27  Half of Thanksgiving

 

Nikki’s preparing for Thanksgiving by looking around at everything Bonnie did, and ogling some open wine and champagne.  Victor interrupts.  Doesn’t everything look beautiful?  And curses on their kids and grandkids that won’t be there today.  He really can’t believe Noah and Summer aren’t coming, but Noah has a lot to sort through thanks to his sorry excuse for a mother.  I guess Summer’s going to be selfish and spend Thanksgiving with her recovering mom. 

 

That sorry excuse for a mother was nice enough to bring Faith over to her sorry excuse for grandparents as originally planned, even though she doesn’t have to, and sorry excuse Nick’s not even there.   Nikki’s like thanks, bye!  Sharon asks her to walk to her the door.  She tells Nikki that she doesn’t know what Nick’s said, but they haven’t told Faith the whole story of the breakup.  Nikki says they are very well aware and will protect Faith from everything she’s done.   She graciously slams the door in Sharon’s face.  Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Victoria calls Johnny who couldn’t care less.  Billy’s going to dinner later.  She’ll talk to him later when she gets the DNA results.  Billy looks kinda bummed when he hangs up, while Chelsea watches anxiously from the stairs.

 

Abby’s come to see Victoria.  I think Directv went wonky, and I apparently lost half the show.  But it’s Abby and Victoria so who cares?  It’s a holiday weekend, so I’m not worrying about it.

 

Picking up where Colin talks to Jill outside of Neil’s, with a glass of champagne.  She asks what’s up with him and Hilary.  I guess I missed a snippy exchange between those two.  Jill says it seemed like Hilary couldn’t get away from him fast enough.  Colin says he ruffled feathers, accidentally, of course, “by communicating a degree of disbelief that a beautiful woman like herself could be married to Neil.”  Like Neil is gross, old Larry King or something.  Jill thinks that’s horrible.  She’s wondered the same thing herself just because Neil has integrity! But she wouldn’t trust Hilary as far as she could throw her.  Colin thinks Jill’s smokin’ hot when she’s suspicious.  Jill says she must be smoldering, then, because Colin is keeping secrets.

 

Hilary tells Devon she spoke to Colin who’s being really coy.  She doesn’t trust him.  Neil asks about the plans for the doomsday lunch when they get to meet the Special Girlfriend.  Lily promises it’s in the works.  Blah blah blah.  Neil asks if she could be The One?  Devon just wants to get through lunch, okay?

 

Cane approaches him the kitchen and says he’s not buying it.  Neil and Lily might believe he’s seeing someone else, but Cane knows it doesn’t work like that.  When you’re in love with someone, you don’t just move on that fast, unless you’re Billy Abbott.

 

Mariah, Noah, and Sharon happily celebrate together at The Underground with turkey club sandwiches.  Sharon says it’s the BEST sandwich ever.  Noah explains to Mariah that Mom is a legend when it comes to holidays.  Sharon will let them in on a little secret, she doesn’t even like Thanksgiving dinner! 

 

Noah asks Mariah about her traditions.  Well, they know her life was weird.  She says The Path followers would get together and be thankful for Ian.  They were also supposed to share with the group how to be better people, but the whole time she really just wanted to watch football.  Hmm, kind of like Austin?  Noah says it must have been rough, but Mariah’s all hey, I survived.  So if she had to share with this group, what would she say?  Omg, it’s Thanksgiving, not New Year’s. 

 

Mariah admits she could be more patient, a little less self-centered, and she’s still working on the friends thing.  “Aren’t we all,” says Sharon.  Noah doesn’t need to work on anything, he’s perfect!  Ha ha.  So what about Sharon?  She asks if they want to go down that road, it could take all night!  They all laugh, and Noah hugs her.

 

Chris & Paul and Dylan & Avery are at the uptight Newman Thanksgiving.   Nikki wants to give a toast.  There really aren’t words to express what it means to have them all here tonight.  It’s been exactly a year since she announced she was Dylan’s mom.  It’s been an amazing journey, blah blah.  Dylan feels closer to her than he thought possible.  And Daddy Paul.  It’s been a rough, kind, supportive road.  Dylan toasts to Paul and Nikki. He’s grateful to call them his parents. 

 

Phyllis opens a gift from Jack. It’s a wishbone.  She was envisioning diamonds or pearls, but this?  He says there’s a story behind it:  Last Thanksgiving he and Summer went to the clinic hoping to make something positive happen with their super special magical thinking.  When Summer had no effect on a coma, it was pretty rough on her.  They made it through, but got back in time for Abbott Thanksgiving dinner.  Summer being the new youngest member, and believing in magic, got the wishbone.  Since she and Jack both wished Phyllis would come back, they glued it together and saved it.  Well, that means more than any jewelry.
 

Jack says she was gone so long, he stopped believing she was coming back.  He’s so sorry he lost faith, and he’s so grateful to have her back in his life.  They kiss and hug.

 

Billy takes a selfie with Johnny, Chelsea, and Connor.  Yay.

 

Stitch & Ashley are in the lab.  He tells Ashley it goes without saying he hopes the baby is his.  He gets that she’s naturally rooting for her brother.  Ash says she doesn’t have a say in this.  It’s up to Victoria who and what she wants.  She thinks they should quit chatting about their dysfunction and get to work on the fragrance.  Stitch says it sounds like a plan.

 

Nikki hugs Dylan for his beautiful toast.  She offers to serve Avery another glass of wine.  She hesitates at the bar, and lies that they’re all out of wine, so she’s going to get a new bottle.  Victoria and Abby show up with the baby.   Nikki would rather see the baby than sneak liquor at the moment.  Vicky wants to spend the night at the ranch.  She uncovers the baby, and she really is cute.  Christine drools.  “Now we have a Thanksgiving!” declares Victor.  Victoria’s glad they’re all there because she has an announcement to make.  She would like to introduce them all…to Katie.  Short for Katherine.  “Oh, my darling!” cries Nikki. 

 

Christine asks if she knew it was a girl.  No, call her OLD-FASHIONED, but when you don’t know who the father of your baby is, you wanted to be surprised by the gender also.  And Katie definitely surprised her!  Abby says it almost drove her crazy calling the baby It instead of She.   The zygote, please?!  Vicky knew there was only one choice for a girl.  They all miss Kay Chancellor so much.   It was because of her that Nikki and Dylan reunited.  Vicky says she really knew how to live.  She was present in every moment.  Blah blah fearless, loyal, strong blah blah blah.  All the things Victoria hopes her daughter will be.

 

Katie Newman, says Victor.  That’s a beautiful name.  He thinks Katherine is looking down on the them now.

 

Neil asks Jill how work is going for her.  Super.  Neil’s glad since he knows how hard it was for her to leave Chancellor.  Hilary criticizes how Lily’s setting the table.  Omg, they’re not even HAVING soup, Lily, what’s with the soup spoons??  She’s just really worried about Dad.  He’s been acting different.  She thinks he’s just putting on a brave face for them.  His blindness must be really getting to him.  Devon asks if she’s worried about him being tempted to drink.  She doesn’t know.  They just shouldn’t take for granted that he’s doing okay.  They should all do everything they can to help him.  Devon grimaces.  Poor Devon.

 

The Winters all sit down for dinner.  Neil would like to say a few words.  He’s super thankful for all their support..his beautiful wife, Hilary, his beautiful children, grandchildren, Cane, Colin, Jill.  They’ve been given so much in this world, and God, he thanks you for that, for protecting them, guiding and blessing them.  Hilary and Devon look slightly guilty.  Amen.

 

Mariah and Noah squirt whipped cream out of the can into their mouths.  Fun!  Sharon starts looking sad.  She’s had a great time hanging out with them today, but starting tomorrow they need to prepare themselves for what’s coming.  A lot of Newman bullshit.  Noah asks if Dad’s fighting her for Faith.  Mariah’s like, wait, WHAT?  Sharon says Nick is suing for full custody, and she doesn’t know what it’s going to take to stop him, but she’s NOT going to let him take her daughter away from her!  Mariah looks dead serious.   A storm’s coming!

 

Nick whines about having a hangover AND his a foot in a bear trap.  Waaah!  The dog’s been hanging with him all night.  I mean, it’s not like Nick fell down a well, but he finally decides he probably ought to go back to the castle for help.  Nick passes out, so at least we don’t have to hear him complain.

 

Phyllis is thankful that despite Jack’s doubts, he never really gave up on her.  Sure, he said he dated a little bit, but that was just someone to keep him company, right?  Yep, really close company.  “Listen to me,” says Jack, “you have nothing to worry about.  It’s over.”  She knows.  She goes to check on dinner.  Jack finally looks slightly suspicious that MAYBE Red knew what was going on the whole damn time.

 

Ashley says they’re no closer to a breakthrough on the perfume, so she’s heading out.  Is he SURE he doesn’t want to come to dinner with her and Traci.  And presumably Billy?  Yeah, no.  Stitch isn’t in the mood for being social.  He’d rather work.  She hopes he sees her as more than his boss, but also his friend.  Even though she knows things might get more complicated down the line.  He appreciates that.  She leaves.  Stitch gets a call.  He looks serious.

 

Billy gets a call.  I guess it’s the lab.  Because of course rich people’s DNA results come back on Thanksgiving day.

 

Vicky gets the call, too.  It was the hospital calling to say the DNA results will be ready in the morning.  “Hi, we called to tell you it’s not ready.”  So, they’ll tell us on Monday who Katie’s father is.

[smartyshorts]

Vicky gets the call, too. It was the hospital calling to say the DNA results will be ready in the morning. “Hi, we called to tell you it’s not ready.” So, they’ll tell us on Monday who Katie’s father is.

. If you substitute "writers" for hospital, makes sense. I'm pretty sure the writers were still sketching this reveal out up til the actors were saying their lines on camera. And it will inevitably be something dumb, like somehow it's Ian Ward's baby. Edited December 1, 2014 by smartyshorts

[Suby]

Dang, too bad I didn't get to make fun of that.  Because it sounds really stupid.

Don't worry, I made plenty fun of it on other sites back in the day ;D  good times

[movinon]

 

The hamsters in the wheel powering Summer's brain are totally sniffing glue

I am finally getting caught up on all the posts, and this one just cracks me up.  There are too many funny posts in this thread to comment on them all.  Grandson left yesterday, cried all day, slept 15 hours, and now it's time to be over it - after all, I still have the great grand-baby.  This is the very best place to get over it.  Thanks to all of you for being here and being so witty - I love this board.

[glowlights]

And I don't know HOW anyone thought I was in Nova Scotia, lol!

 

I guess in a mirror universe there's some person in Nova Scotia who I think is in the States. MADNESS.

(glad you're okay and SUPER SUPARRR glad you're recapping! thanks for watching so we don't have to!)

[movinon]

 

Nick whines about having a hangover AND his a foot in a bear trap.  Waaah!  The dog’s been hanging with him all night.  I mean, it’s not like Nick fell down a well, but he finally decides he probably ought to go back to the castle for help.  Nick passes out, so at least we don’t have to hear him complain.

Snorting here - I am loving Nick in the bear trap and hope he stays there till he pees his pants.  Almost caught up on the posts, everywhere except the daily episodes - that's gonna take a while from the 26th forward.  Thanks so much for these recaps - makes me feel like I haven't been away at all.  

[peach]

Mon, Dec 1    Son Of A Bitch!

 

Sharon shows up at the tack house and lets herself in.  “Nick, if you’re trying to avoid me, we need to talk!” she calls out. I guess Summer is pulling guard duty in the driveway and comes racing in the door.  “THIS is not your house, and you have no business letting yourself in!”  Well, you have no business copying Mariah’s exact hairstyle, because it looks terrible on you.  Sharon came to see her father, they need to talk.  “No, you don’t!  You need to leave him alone.  You’ve hurt him enough already.”

 

Nick’s hurt alright. He’s moaning and groaning about his stupid bear trap.  Boo hoo.

 

Adam’s doing pushups.  Nice.  Bugatti comes trotting up.  Adam tries the old buddy, old pal routine, but the dog barks at him anyway.  Sage wheels in Constance, who NOTICES.  Adam thinks his meds make him smell funny?  Sage says Bugatti’s been off since yesterday, constantly barking at the,um, window.  She’ll, uh, take him for a walk.  “Animal instincts,” says Constance.  “We ignore them at our peril.”

 

Klutzy Avery and Michael collide in the office, and Michael spills his coffee on her blouse.   Avery says she’s a professional klutz, so she keeps back up clothes in her office.  She doesn’t close her blinds, though.  She takes her blouse off right when Joe Superman shows up in the hallway.  Moral Dilemma! 

 

Dylan’s reading a newspaper article about the community fighting the redevelopment.   Avery’s “the community” now.  Stitch walks in, and Dylan shouts that it’s coffee on the house for the man who delivered his niece!  Thanks, bro!  Dylan says he saw the baby at the Very Newman Thanksgiving.  Stitch is crawling out of his skin because it’s the day of reckoning.  He finds out if he helped make that gorgeous little girl, or if he’s not the father.

 

Billy’s kind of moping around the penthouse.  Chelsea comes down and is surprised he’s not already at the hospital.  “Without you?!”  The test results affect both of them, and he wants her there with him whether he gets the thumbs up or down.  Chelsea looks surprised.  God, I hate that lipstick.

 

Vicky holds the baby in the doctor’s office.  He’s brought the results.  “Okay, Katie, it’s time to find out who you’re going to be calling Daddy.”  Katie doesn’t look too happy about it.  Victor's already gotten to her.

 

Jill and Colin are at the club.  He’s impatient to see Lauren because of some big doings she’s been talking about.  Jill asks what makes him think her big doings have anything to do with him?   If it affects Jill, it affects him, okay.  Especially if turns a profit, says Jill.  Does she gotta problem with that?  As long as it doesn’t turn Fenmore’s into a money laundering operation.  They banter about money and hearts.

 

Avery turns around and catches Joe getting an eyeful of her chestful.  What the hell is he doing?!  “Enjoying the view on my way to Michael’s office.”  Well, this isn’t it!  “Nothing I haven’t seen before or thought about since,” he says.  Avery’s pissed.  He just doesn’t get the hint, does he??  He asks if she always changes clothes with the blinds open?  She’s focused on her WORK, Joe, which includes crushing his vendetta project!

 

Joe/Puddy says Avery and her boyfriend keep saying it’s personal, but neither of them understand the potential or scope of this project.   It’s about the money, honey.  Oh, she understands the scope, okay, and so does the public.  Their grassroots opposition is growing momentum!  She shows him the two paragraphs in the local paper.  “A couple of has-beens reminiscing about the good ole days?”  Well, she’s cleared another hurdle getting landmark status for that dump of a coffee house.   A whole hurdle, huh?  Does she think she can get to the finish line before the deal closes?  She’s not worried.    Joe thinks she’s enjoying this.  It’s not personal, right, chides Avery.  It’s just business.

 

Dylan tells Stitch a baby is great, but it doesn’t fix everything.  Don’t they still have a lot of stuff to get past?  Not anymore, actually, smiles Stitch.  Everything’s coming up roses since they gave his mom a heart attack and she went missing in the mean streets of GC.   Remember when he told Dylan there was more to his story?  He finally opened up to Victoria, and now that she knows the real truth, it changes everything.  So, is he going to keep Dylan guessing? 

 

Blah blah, The Night My Drunken Asshole Father Died.  Mom burned the bitch down.  She just snapped.  “You and I know how that goes,” says Stitch.  Well, sure.  He says it was his choice to take the fall for her.  When he got out, he had a life for a while…Jenna, Max, med school. Dylan asks why he didn’t just tell everyone when Chelsea and Kevin started digging up his past?  “She was my mother, Mac.  I was gonna take it to the grave.  But then…Special Snowflake..I couldn’t let HER think her baby’s father is a killer.”  It’s okay for Just Jenna though.  Dylan feels like a jerk now.  Stitch still thinks Dylan is a real friend.  Real judgmental.

 

I’m not digging Chelsea’s Queen Guinevere hairdo.  She’s telling Billy he’s not the same man she met in Myanmar, and she’s not the same woman.  Why the hell is she bringing THAT up?  Billy thinks it’s safe to say that neither of them saw this coming, so just come with him!

 

Chelsea’s all stammery and says she was glad to go with him to TAKE the test, and it gave her a chance to speak to Victoria and tell her she’s happy for her.  And she IS.  But she didn’t tell her how happy she is for the two of THEM.  She insists he doesn’t have to hold HER hand whatever happens today.  She will be O-KAY.  The question is, will he be?  Um, I think that’s why his needy, insecure ass wants you to BE THERE, Chelsea. 

 

“Chels, I want her to be mine, I do.”  He got to see her take her first breath, like with Delia which changed his life forever.  And this baby is not some DeeDee stand in.  Chelsea knows how long he’s wanted this real baby with Victoria.  He says if his DNA matches, it doesn’t mean Instant Family, it just means he’s a dad again.  Chelsea’s like, Billy, come on!  It’s going to mean a lot of feelz!   Hey, she’s a realist, so here is something real.  He kisses her a bunch.  She hugs him and looks reaaaally worried.  But not worried enough to go along? 

 

Blah blah, the test measures 16 markers.  Victoria’s like, you’re absolutely sure it was secure?  And you’re 100% sure who the father is?  Because, believe me, shit happens in this family.  Hey, this ain’t Sweden, but this guy is really super sure.  Okay, this is it then.  Stitch walks in.  Staring.  Commercials.

 

Victoria thinks maybe they should wait for Billy so they can all find out together.  Stitch says it’s Special Snowflake’s call, like everything.  The doctor leaves them alone to talk.  Blah blah she’s staying at the ranch.  She asks if he’s heard from Maureen.  Nah, not since she left the hospital, so with any luck she’s dead.  Vicky asks if he told the police what happened.  He says Paul knows.  Vicky hopes he’ll be able to find her.  Stitch is very whatever.  He’s been worrying about his mother for years, but right now, this moment is all he cares about.  Missing heart patients can piss off, amirite?  Blah amazing baby blah.

 

Victoria studies all the little baby parts and thinks about getting to know Stitch.  She's still learning his parts.  “Victoria, you always knew the real me, it was just the details that weren’t true.”  Details shmetails.  Vicky feels really terrible about the things she said and the way she treated him.  Stitch is like what else would you think?  Well, she could have trusted him.  He made a selfless sacrifice.  What kind of mother wouldn’t want that man as a father for her child?  Billy walks in.  He's more the selfish sacrifice type.

 

Anita comes to give support for Chelsea.  Her advice is for Chelsea to get her butt over to the hospital and mark her territory, missy!  Chelsea rolls her eyes.  Anita lectures her.  “When has anyone ever handed us what we want?  You and me, we make our own luck!  Billy is yours now, so go get him!”  Chelsea can’t!  He has to want her and no one else!  She’s sick of being second choice!  WWWTF?  She had Dylan and Adam both falling all over her.  “Oh, Pumpkin.  What the hell were you thinking letting him go?!”

 

Summer’s frantically reporting this to SOMEONE on her phone.  Sharon tries to explain that she and Nick are Faith’s parents.  They need to work together, and that means talking.  “Yeah, talking, and then CRYING, and then begging for his forgiveness,” says the biggest crybaby of all time.  “We all know how you work, Sharon.  I heard plenty from MY MOM.”  Because THAT is unbiased reporting. 

 

Sharon sighs and says she’s so sorry for how she hurt Summer.  She has no idea how much she regrets that.  But she has to know that after the ECT she’d completely forgotten what she’d done.  They had grown close, and Sharon loved being her friend and listening to all her bullshit, and supporting her spoiled brat wedding and feeling  like family. 

 

“And what about JACK?” says Summer.  “The guy that you RANDOMLY made my father, and Kyle that you made my brother?  What about THAT family?”  Right, it was totally RANDOM to pick the guy that the DNA test was for.  Sharon knows how hard that was for her.  “NO!  What you KNOW is what is what YOU want and feel.  You took MY father from me, and then MY mother.  And then tried to take her place.”  Sharon would never… “You said that you loved my dad, and then you broke his fickle heart!   He left because he couldn’t stand to be in the same town with you (and Victor).  You will NEVER get the chance to hurt him, EVER AGAIN.”   Ruff ruff!

 

Oh, now a real dog is barking.  Sage has found Nick!!  He’s passed out.  She tries to wake him up.  He flutters a teeny bit.  It’s going to be okay!  She’s going to find help!  And then lock you in another room of the castle, Mr. Man!  She’s going to have a whole collection of Newman jackasses!

 

Lauren meets up with Jill and Colin.  No, he can’t kiss her.  She’s brought the awesome proposal for the new Fenmore’s in the great new development.  Wait, says Jill.  This is the project that Esther was blathering about.  She signed a petition against this!  Suddenly, Jill is acting like Esther has a valid opinion.  Lauren’s like big deal, there’s always opposition to progress.  Jill keeps acting like someone else, and says this is going to flatten the whole crummy area!  Colin’s like, we’re talking about economic Darwinism! 
Jill wants to know if Lauren saw what businesses would be affected?!  No, she didn’t, because who gives a shit? 

 

Dylan walks up.   Are they talking about the development.  Jill is FREAKING.  CRIMSON LIGHTS is IN THAT AREA!  Lauren’s like, OMG, WHAT?!  Yeah, whines Dylan, and the used bookstore and ice cream parlor.  HOW WILL THEY SURVIVE?  Colin’s like, hello, jobs, economy?  Dylan says it’s the rich getting richer and independent businesses moving somewhere else, I mean, getting squeezed, you guys…squeezed INTO OBLIVION!!  Omg, the rich people are SHOCKED!!!! 

 

Dylan drops the bomb that Joe Clark is Avery’s ex-husband.  This is a personal vendetta against Super Dylan’s 800 sq ft coffee shop.  He’s there to meet with other small business owners.  They are going to fight!  He’s sorry that’s going to put Michael in a tough position.  “Because Michael represents Joe,” says Lauren.  And she assumes Avery’s fighting this case for HIM?  Yep.  Omg, Michael and Avery are geniuses.  Fight this battle forever while one firm makes all the money.  Hahaha.  Lauren’s angry.  Michael didn’t say ONE WORD about how ugly this would be. 

 

Joe says, so this is you fighting your boyfriend’s battle.  “I’m protecting an important part of this town. This is MY home now.”  Joe’s like important part of town?  An insurance office and video store?  No!  It’s about the Little Guy!  She fights for people who deserve it, like the Innocents Foundation, because people with money  and power steamroll  over everyone else.  And she bakes!  Joe had no idea she was such a bleeding heart.  Obviously he didn’t pay attention when they were married.  Yeah, he found out the hard way.  “Nice blouse, by the way.”  He leaves. 

 

Michael’s really committed to this tomato treatment, and is bitterly slamming back some V-8.  Needs some vodka and celery.  Joe storms in.  “It’s called knocking, Clark!”  “What the hell are you doing about THIS?” demands Joe, throwing the newspaper down.  “You had no idea about the opposition, did you?”  Joe doesn’t think that’s something the CLIENT should bring to the attorney’s attention.  Avery’s also trying for landmark status, and he’s doing WHAT?  Drinking a bloody mary!  No, dammit, it’s just tomato juice. 

 

Michael broods and asks a paying client with whom he has a contract if HIS clients are aware of his intense personal mission with regards to his ex-wife’s boyfriend?  Joe is furious.  “My clients care about MAKING  MONEY.  I CARE about making money.  And I assume YOU CARE, based on the rates that you’re charging me.  So fix it!”  He storms out.  Too bad Joe doesn’t know what a terrible lawyer Michael is.  His doctor calls.

 

Charming Gabriel/Adam brings Constance some hot tea and chocolate.  He’s taking a big risk chatting with her without Sage around.  He says they were quite a team when he was a boy.  “Weren’t we?” oozes Constance.  “Even though I let you down.”  She thinks about what he did out there, that night, risking himself.  Adam’s so sad that he failed.  The man he was trying to save died.  He pretends he’s holding something back until Constance begs him to share with her.  He just thinks the man he used to be died , too, parts of him.  But there are these other parts, parts that used to have special connections.  And now after all this, his own dog doesn’t recognize him.  And Constance…looks at him like he’s a stranger sometimes.  “Oh, my darling,” she feels so bad now. 

 

Adam says he knows what he is and how to make it right now.   He reads her a marked page from that book she gave him.  “Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and it’s taught me to understand what your heart used to be."  He closes the book.  "I've been bent, and I’ve been broken, but hopefully into a better shape.”  Oh darling, lucky blessings from tragedy blah blah.  He says maybe they’re both lucky.

 

Chelsea tells Anita she let Billy go alone because this baby isn’t about her.  “Is he your man, or not?” demands Anita.  I like how she keeps everything simple.  She should have an inspirational calendar.  Chelsea wants him to be.  But she’s obviously not so sure.  Anita thinks Chelsea has misjudged the competition.  She’s Victor Newman’s daughter…she knows a thing or two about mind games.   Chelsea laughs that off.  She doubts Victoria’s enjoyed this whole process of not knowing who her baby daddy is. 

 

Anita’s like, OMG, puh-leeze!  “She loved every second of it!  Two men fighting over the baby, fighting over her, trying to outdo each other!” She high pitched mocks Vicky pretending she can’t trust anyone and will just take care of the baby HERSELF!  “What a load!”  (Seriously, you guys should watch this part.)  “She knows how to play that Who’s The Baby Daddy like a pro.  I think maybe she knew it was do or die when Billy shacked up with you.”  Chelsea doth protests too much, and says she has to work, and pushes Anita out.  She ponders once the door is closed.  Get on your A game, Chelsea, for crying out loud!

 

Two Men & Special Snowflake & A Baby wait until the doctor comes back.  Special Snowflake wants to see the results first.  She looks like maybe she got Michael’s results instead.  She silently hands the folder back to the doctor.  “You’re the baby’s father, Mr. Abbott."  Confetti and balloons drop from the ceiling!!  Stitch, if at any point, Mr. Abbott is unable to fulfill his duties as the Baby Daddy, you, as runner up, will be required to step in for him.  You also win Miss Congeniality!   He chokes out that the baby is beautiful, and he shakes Billy’s hand.  Congrats, man.  He really IS Miss Congeniality.  Billy thanks him, and Stitch sadly leaves the office.  Billy is all teary.  “Katherine, this is your dad,” says Vicky.  And she honestly looks like this kid’s father really is an axe murderer.  Interesting.

 

Sharon decides to waste some oxygen defending herself to idiot Summer.  Somewhere, a tree is waiting for an apology.  “Summer, I love Nick.  I love him more than I would love ANY OTHER MAN.  He’s the last person I would want to hurt!”  Summer says that is such a lie!  She must not watch this show.  She says Sharon knew exactly what she was doing when she messed with that test, WHILE TOTALLY INSANE, and then she decided to CUT HERSELF A BREAK by frying her brain with electricity so she could play innocent.   Maybe next she’ll cut herself a break by getting waterboarded. Sharon says she had no control over that. 

 

Summer says it’s just DISGUSTING the way she sucked up to her by kissing her ass nonstop and saving her life when she was on drugs.  Did she really think she’d forget her real mom if Sharon was just nice enough to her??  “What happened to Phyllis was an accident,” says Sharon.  “Really?  Because you’ve hated her since I was born!”  Weird, huh? Sharon says it was always the other way around.  Phyllis has always chased off ANYONE she felt threatened by, including grieving mothers.  She’s chased anyone away from Nick, and Daniel, and she’s probably done that to you and Austin, hasn’t she?  Summer’s getting even more pissed, because of course she has. “You have the nerve to badmouth my mother to me!”  says the world’s biggest mother badmouther.  “MY mother has people who are terrified of her!  I mean, LOVE her.  Who do YOU have left?!”  Sharon looks down.  “Exactly” says Summer.  Sharon better leave before she has security throw her out.  Good luck with that.  Summer storms out.

 

Mr. Sherman calls!  David!  Thank goodness.  She’s trying to find Nick, and she needs to talk to him about custody, but he hasn’t come back to town yet, and he hasn’t checked in with Faith.  Sharon listens.  Wait…what?  “You think we can use that against him?”  FUCKIN’ A, he does!!  She frowns.  She’s never thought of sticking it to Nick before.  Maybe it’s not such a bad idea.

 

Nick wallows around in the dirt.  WAAAAHH!!  HIS LEG.  WAAH AAAH. 

 

Sage comes flying in to see Adam.  He starts bragging about his little tea and chocolate trick but she doesn’t want to hear that shit!  “Stop talking!  The dog found someone!  A man, injured! Some lunatic put a bear trap in the woods, I need you to help me!”  Umm…a bear hunter, maybe?  “A man got caught in a bear trap?” asks Adam.  “Gee, that sounds serious, maybe you should call an ambulance.”  Wow, Adam, you think you don’t care NOW, wait til you find out it’s your jerk of a brother.  There’s no time for that!  There’s so much blood!  I didn’t see any. “I bet,” says Adam, looking at his computer.  Hey, someone died saving his life, can’t he bother with this guy.  Fine, let’s go.  As much as he complains, you'd think he'd like a reason to get out.

 

Jill walks in Crimson Lights, marveling at it.  Colin’s like, wow, a coffee shop.  It’s history, it’s memories, it keeps us grounded and honest, says Jill.  Geez, tear it down ASAP, then.  Dylan’s glad to know she’s on his side.  He’s not going down without a fight.  He’s not going down AT ALL!

 

Joe’s hanging out, too.  Dylan told him he’s not welcome here.  Joe says he’s living in quite a world of denial.  This deal’s going through, so why not just move on?  Dylan thinks he seems a little nervous.  Joe asks if he’s thought about the pressure this puts on Avery, worrying about Dylan blowing a gasket and assaulting him again.  Dylan takes a deep breath.  He’s fine, Avery’s fine.  Genoa City’s getting really fired up, and getting building permits in that atmosphere is really tough to do.  ESTHER HAS SPOKEN.  His investors should know they’re throwing money away.   Joe says Avery gave him a speech today about fighting for lost causes.  He realizes she was referring to him.  Also, he saw her boobs.  Dylan blinks.

 

Avery talks on the phone about landmark status.  Summer shows up to whine on her shoulder.  I really want to shave Mariah’s hair off her stupid head.  She’s worried because her daddy left town for a few days and hasn’t been in touch with anyone.  Avery says if Nick needs time… “No, Sharon broke my dad’s heart, and now no one’s even heard from him.”  He’s a GROWN MAN.   He’s not going to jump off a bridge.  Summer wants to know why Daddy hasn’t called HERRRRR?!  Waaaah?!  Avery’s like he loves all you kids a bunch, okay, he just needs time to get drunk in the woods, okay?  Get a life.

 

Michael’s on the phone getting irritated that they won’t give him his treatment options on the phone.  Bye.  Lauren marches in.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”  Michael’s like, omg.  “Something this big, that affects so many people, and you don’t say a word to me!”  Michael says he doesn’t know what she’s talking about.  “Joe Clark!”  Ohhh, that.  “He’s going to destroy the warehouse district, and you’re helping him!”  Where did Lauren think her Fenmore’s was going to magically appear? 

 

They fight.  She knows he had to know the details.  Michael shouts that his dealings with Joe are limited at best.   He has investors, they have opinions!  Lauren says that they aren’t locals or care about small businesses here.   And since when doesn’t Michael care?  Michael SCREAMS at her, “YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING!”   Man, if I were Lauren, I’d think Michael’s big secret was drug addiction.  Oh, well she knows he can’t be bothered to explain anything!  She starts to leave, and he jumps up and begs her to WAIT!

 

Billy holds the baby.  Blah blah. She has her mom, her brothers.  “And you got me.”  Super.  Victoria explains to the father what to call her baby.  If she’s named after Katherine, that means she’s going to be a handful.  Vicky was thinking for the middle name, Rose, for Dee’s favorite.  Blah blah blaaaaah.  Katherine Rose Abbott.

 

Sage and Adam wander around the plastic zoo rocks until they find Nick still passed out in the trap.  “Son of a bitch,” says Adam.  Word.

 

Billy calls Chelsea and says he’s looking in his daughter’s eyes.  Chelsea plops on the couch.  “Oh..Billy, I’m so happy for you,” she says flatly.  Hey, listen, he’s gonna go with Victoria to get the baby settled in!  Chelsea gulps.  So…this is the baby’s first time home? “Yeah,” grins Billy, “and I get to be there!”   Chelsea’s bummed.  Shoulda listened to your momma!!!

 

Michael hugs sad Lauren.  Avery walks sad Summer out.  Sad Dylan cleans up his coffee shop.  Someone throws a brick through the sad window!  Sad Stitch drinks at the club bar.  Hey, maybe he could get his other kid back?  Special Snowflake rocks her Special Baby while Billy carries everything and grins like a fool.  Sad Chelsea crumples up her drawings and weeps. 

 

Nick briefly opens his eyes and sees Gabriel/Adam.  Adam kicks his head in!  Just kidding.  Nothing happens.

Edited December 2, 2014 by peach

[NinjaPenguins]

 

Adam kicks his head in!  Just kidding.

Oh Peach, why you gotta be so cruel?

 

It was nice of Victoria and Billy to desecrate both Katherine's and Delia's memories.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Oh, now a real dog is barking. 

Brava!

 

Sage and Adam wander around the plastic zoo rocks

Heh, those rocks crack me up. They look like leftovers from the original Star Trek TV show. I keep waiting for some space alien woman with green skin, purple hair, and a silver lamé catsuit to jump out.

[movinon]

 

“No, Sharon broke my dad’s heart, and now no one’s even heard from him.”  He’s a GROWN MAN.   He’s not going to jump off a bridge.  Summer wants to know why Daddy hasn’t called HERRRRR?!  Waaaah?!  Avery’s like he loves all you kids a bunch, okay, he just needs time to get drunk in the woods, okay?  Get a life.

This girl is going to drive me crazy - does she ever stop whining?  I love the fact that Nick is still sprawled out in the woods in the bear trap, but I suppose Sage is going to make Adam help take him to the castle. Maybe Summer won't hear from Nick for a week or so - then her head can explode.  The rest of the recap is great, too - no surprise there.

Edited December 2, 2014 by movinon

[peach]

Heh, those rocks crack me up. They look like leftovers from the original Star Trek TV show. I keep waiting for some space alien woman with green skin, purple hair, and a silver lamé catsuit to jump out.

 

To give credit where it's due, my husband was walking by, and he asked me if they were at the zoo.  lol

 

Also, my kid came in to talk to me at the very second the doctor was going to do the paternity reveal, and I said I'd been waiting for months for this, so hang on.  And he rolled his eyes in disbelief and told me it won't be real anyway!!  "In 20 years, my wife will be watching this show and some girl is going to find out the other guy is the dad or something!"

[Foghorn Leghorn]

Brava!

 

Heh, those rocks crack me up. They look like leftovers from the original Star Trek TV show. I keep waiting for some space alien woman with green skin, purple hair, and a silver lamé catsuit to jump out.

Never fear Summer can't be far off!  LOL

[Snaporaz]

 

I like how she (Anita) keeps everything simple.  She should have an inspirational calendar.

My UO...I love Anita!  She preaches truth.

 

 

Vicky was thinking for the middle name, Rose, for Dee’s favorite.

The other "Rose" on this show (besides Hillary's drunk mother who died in a pool of her own vomit) was Rose DeVille, who ran the black-market baby ring and took Ronan from Nina.  Her daughter, Primrose, was the woman who sold Lucy to Billy.

[Snaporaz]

 

She (Sharon) frowns.  She’s never thought of sticking it to Nick before.  Maybe it’s not such a bad idea.

Please let this happen, and make Sharon stop pining for Neanderthal Newman.

[peach]

My UO...I love Anita!  She preaches truth.

 

The other "Rose" on this show (besides Hillary's drunk mother who died in a pool of her own vomit) was Rose DeVille, who ran the black-market baby ring and took Ronan from Nina.  Her daughter, Primrose, was the woman who sold Lucy to Billy.

I also love Anita.  Can't wait to see how she deals with new Adam coming back.  I'm liking this new Adam.

 

Hilary's mom was the first person I thought of when she said Rose!  Sounds like Rose is always a lot of trouble.  Maybe when Katie Rose hits seven she can bring this town to its knees.  At least they didn't make her middle name Delia.

[miamama]

I thought Nick was going away to be a lumberjack, maybe in Alaska, and now they're sticking him in the middle of Adam's return.  Don't the show runners know how bad of an actor JM is?  Oh wait, these are the ones that hired Steve Burton.

 

So much word to all of this. 

 

I'm liking this new Adam.

 

Me too.

And really? An eight-year-old girl LOVED roses? I hate the entire bullshit that was Delia and her tragic tragic Emmy baiting death.

[peach]

And really? An eight-year-old girl LOVED roses? I hate the entire bullshit that was Delia and her tragic tragic Emmy baiting death.

 

Not just roses, but English tea roses.  And the stage!  And deep thoughts by Jack Handy.  Delia was vastly more mature than Summer and her My Little Pony pink hairbrush and marshmallow fluff sandwiches.

[peacheslatour]

 

And really? An eight-year-old girl LOVED roses? I hate the entire bullshit that was Delia and her tragic tragic Emmy baiting death.

Yep.  It's Saint Cassie all over again.  They kill off girl children in an effort to tug our heartstrings and so they can create some stupid mythos around them that they can refer to whenever they need to plug a plot hole.  See also: THE PROPHECY.

[PatsyandEddie]

To give credit where it's due, my husband was walking by, and he asked me if they were at the zoo.  lol

 

Also, my kid came in to talk to me at the very second the doctor was going to do the paternity reveal, and I said I'd been waiting for months for this, so hang on.  And he rolled his eyes in disbelief and told me it won't be real anyway!!  "In 20 years, my wife will be watching this show and some girl is going to find out the other guy is the dad or something!"

 

Smart kid you've got there Peach! He's right though and we'll all be waiting for months to find out again. HAHA!

[photo fox]

Anita’s like, OMG, puh-leeze! “She loved every second of it! Two men fighting over the baby, fighting over her, trying to outdo each other!” She high pitched mocks Vicky pretending she can’t trust anyone and will just take care of the baby HERSELF! “What a load!” (Seriously, you guys should watch this part.)

Thanks for the recommendation! I just watched it, and it was indeed awesome. What does it say about this show that I prefer the grifters over the "heroine" from the core family? Anita has ALL of Victoria's numbers.

Sage and Adam wander around the plastic zoo rocks until they find Nick still passed out in the trap. “Son of a bitch,” says Adam. Word.

Really enjoying what I've seen so far of the new guy. I've missed Adam. This show needs a solid gray character SO badly. Enough with the Dudley Do-Rights.

[crosby777]

 

there's some person in Nova Scotia

ME ME ME!!!!

 

This girl is going to drive me crazy - does she ever stop whining?

I understand why she is whining so it doesn't bother me. Hell, Sharon has been whining for 20 years... THAT is what I am sick of.

 

, and make Sharon stop pining for Neanderthal Newman.

AND STOP BEGGING. It is so unattractive.

[crosby777]

 

This show needs a solid gray character SO badly.

OMG so much.. that is a big part of why I am so thrilled Phyllis is back.. all the other wimps are a total fucking bore.

[Snaporaz]

 

And really? An eight-year-old girl LOVED roses?

 

Not just roses, but English tea roses.  And the stage!  And deep thoughts by Jack Handy.  Delia was vastly more mature than Summer and her My Little Pony pink hairbrush and marshmallow fluff sandwiches.

Of course, we never saw Delia love roses of any kind.  We just have to take their word for it.

I have a soft spot for the name "Rose", but the name does not have any good connotations in Genoa City.

[MollyB]

 

And really? An eight-year-old girl LOVED roses?

Not just roses - tearoses.  Yeah, I called BS on that one, too.  (Yup, I'm watching the show again-y'all got me interested again.)

[crosby777]

When do we get Pratt's stuff?

[peach]

Tue, Dec 2   The Light Of Everyone’s Lives

 

Nick’s lying in the dirt, all woozy.  Adam just leans over and stares at him while SAGE grunts and groans trying to open the bear trap with her frail, bare hands.  We’ve got a real brain trust here.  Nick focuses on not very helpful Adam for a second... “You,” he says before passing out again.   “What have you done?” Adam snaps at Sage.  She’s like, wth? 

 

Dylan stares at the brick that just came sailing through Crimson Lights’ window.  Avery comes rushing in the back door!  Dylan!  Dylan!  Super Dylan tells Avery to STAY BACK!!  Dylan! Dylan!  He races out the front.  DYLAN!

 

Chelsea feels super sorry for herself and tears up her fashion sketches and weeps.  That’s it, she’s going out.  Mommy needs a break, she gasps.

 

Paul runs into Stitch at the club bar. He’s glad he found him.  Stitch says he’s not in the best mood right now.  That’s too bad, because Paul is about to make it worse.  Has Stitch seen his mother?  “Why do you want to know?”  Paul says the department‘s been pressured to make an arrest.  IOW, Victor called.   Stitch guesses it was just a matter of time.  “Well, she did lock Victoria in a closet…allegedly,” says Paul.  Stitch asks what Victoria told him.  Oh, he hasn’t talked to her, Victor called.  Exactly.

 

Giddy Billy helps bring baby Katie into the house.  Blah blah.  Victor and Nikki stop by.  “What is HE doing holding my granddaughter?” asks Victor.  Um, guess.  Victoria says he’s going to have to get used to it.  Billy is Katherine’s father.  Billy puts the ugh in smug while he smiles at them. 

 

I think Victor might actually cry from disappointment.  But Nikki says she’s very happy for Billy.  Thanks, but somehow he knows he’s not getting invited for family pictures.  Nikki says he helped find Victoria and deliver the baby, so they owe him a debt of gratitude, DON’T THEY, Victor?  “I think the man with the medical degree had more to do with that success.”  Victoria says they needed both Ben AND Billy to get through it, because she wants to milk the double daddy thing as long as possible. 

 

Nikki says it’s time to celebrate the new member of the family!  And the new member of the ABBOTT family, as well, Billy reminds them.  Victor counts to ten.  They’ve brought Vicky tons of baby clothes, etc, including a riding habit for a 2 day old infant.  Nikki and Victoria take the baby upstairs. 

 

Billy’s like, listen, Victor, I’m willing to lay off, if you’re willing to lay off of me.  “And you don’t have much say in the matter since biologically and legally, I’M Katie’s father.  WHICH you should be happy about, since the alternative is a murderer.”  Victor’s like, huh, I guess you haven’t heard.  Stitch is not the murderer.  In fact, quite the opposite, he’s a HERO.  You’re back to being thatloserdegenerate who is NOT a hero.  Billy’s like no fair!

 

Stitch has no idea where his mother is.  Paul says apparently she left the hospital in a hurry.  Did she leave a goodbye note of any kind?  Okay, a short one, but no indication where she went.  Look, Stitch, if she contacts you, you have to let them know.  Stitch says his mom didn’t mean to hurt Victoria.  He’s not excusing what she did, but he knows she would have come to her senses and let Victoria out of that closet if she hadn’t had a heart attack.  She even tried to tell him, but they whisked her into surgery. Paul asks if that’s the truth…it wouldn’t be the first time he’s covered for his mom. 

 

So, Victor told him everything?  Yep.  He told him Maureen killed his father.  And if it’s true, they have to prove it.  WHY?  WHO CARES?  And even so, it doesn’t let Stitch off the hook anyway.  It doesn’t negate the charges against him for practicing medicine without a legal license.  Stitch smirks.  Of course it wouldn’t.  Why would anything go HIS way?  Paul says a lot of wrongs have to be righted.  And to do that, they need to find his mom.  I guess he’s stuck being an exceptional chemist for now.

 

Avery calls.  Someone threw a brick through Dylan’s window!  And Dylan went after them!  Can he send a squad car?  Somebody’s gonna get hurt!  As if a squad car can catch up to Super Dylan.  He has lightning speed.  Don’t worry!  Paul’s on it!  He tells Stitch to take care of himself.  Stitch laughs bitterly and drains his glass.  “Nobody else is going to!”  Paul leaves.   “Another one, man,” Stitch tells the bartender.  Miserable Chelsea comes up and joins him.  “I’ll have what he’s having.” 

 

Adam’s like, I’m out!  Sage is like, what do you mean, I need your help!  “Nope.  We’re gonna leave him.  Now let’s go!”  I’m now madly in love with Adam.  Sage thinks he’s going to die!  “He’s NOT going to die. Someone else will find him.”  “In the middle of the woods??”  Nick moans.  Sage says they have to do something!  Adam thinks about it for half a second and says nah, he can’t risk it.  Sage is angry.  WHAT is the PROBLEM?!  Adam doesn’t answer, I mean, where would you even start?  “You KNOW him, don’t you?” demands Sage.  He stares.  “He’s my brother.”  And tooootally not worth it.

 

Paul hurries in Crimson Lights.  He’s got two squad cars looking for Dylan.  There was really no need, Super Dylan comes in breathless.  Paul says if anyone is threatening Dylan or his coffee shop, it is his business.  Dylan says nobody’s threatening anything.  Avery’s like what do you call this?!  It’s called a brick, everyone knows that.  It was probably just a couple kids causing trouble.  He saw a couple of street urchins tagging a wall just yesterday.  Did he report it??  Of course not.  He just painted over it, and this is probably their attempt at getting him back. 

 

Avery whines that if people find out vandals and troublemakers are around, they will stay away!  He’ll lose customers.  Dylan says her ex would love that, watching him lose money on this place, forcing him to sell.  Um…he’s leasing.  Avery’s more worried that the Landmark Commission will think this place isn’t worth saving!  Because landmarks are always in really good neighborhoods.  Paul asks if anyone’s buying that this area is…historical?   lmao  Avery’s like are you kidding me!  ESTHER DOES!  They were on the front page of the paper!  Ah, so the fight’s gone public.  Absolutely, it’s the best thing for their cause, insists Avery. 

 

Paul has his thinking cap on.  Dylan thinks he should get some security cameras, but Paul doesn’t think that’s going to solve his problem.  A customer tries to come in, but omg, they’re too busy to be open! Sorry, come back later.  Because THAT’S really good for business.  Dylan and Avery go get a broom.  Paul calls the club to find out if JOE CLARK is still registered there. 

 

Sage yells at Adam.  “He’s your brother.  And you’re just gonna BAIL on him?  His life is at risk!”  Obviously, Sage is already taken with the caveman.  She must have one hell of a Florence Nightingale complex.  Adam says HIS life might be at risk if he gets involved with this!  Nick recognized him.  “That’s IMPOSSIBLE!  You don’t look like Adam Newman anymore!”  Oh, no, he looked right in Adam’s hated eyeballs!  They had a moment.  Sage shouts that he was probably just glad that someone was helping him!  Probably not.  This is dumb.  Why don’t they just call 911 and leave? 

 

Adam says it doesn’t matter, it’ll take him five minutes of being around Constance to figure it out anyway.  She’ll start talking about Gabriel, and how HE saved Adam, and had plastic surgery!  Nick’s dumb, but he’s not too dumb to figure THIS out.  Sage isn’t going to listen to him anymore when this man is BLEEDING.  She tries to open the trap again.  HELP HER!  Adam’s like did you hear a word I just said, idiot?  She also heard him say he’s trying to be less selfish!  Whaaat?  That’s Gabriel, dumbass, not Adam.  She thought he was turning his life around!  Did he mean that or was he just LYING again?!  Umm, lying.  He stares at pathetic Nick.

 

Chelsea bitterly wants to toast to life’s little jokes.  Hmm, like how you’re shacked up with your rape victim?  How little, asks Stitch.  “About 6 lb, 7 oz.”  Ahh, so she knows about the DNA test.  Yep, heard about it from the proud papa himself.  Stitch is like yeah, Billy and Victoria finally got that baby they always wanted.  Chelsea is sorry it’s not him that’s passing out cigars.  “I bet you are,” chuckles Stitch. 

 

Chelsea insists this doesn’t mean Billy’s getting back with Victoria!  He’s happy where he is, says the woman coping with straight whiskey, “with a woman who doesn’t SADDLE him with unnecessary expectations.  “Well, I wouldn’t go putting Billy’s name on your mailbox just yet.  Not after what I saw today,” Stitch sneers.  The look those two gave each other when the doctor read the results told him everything he needs to know.  “That I don’t stand a chance...and neither do you.”  Goose and Maverick are over.   These two should just go have condolence sex.

 

Victor tells Billy the bad news, that not only did Stitch do time for his mother, he covered for her all these years.  That, to him, is the sign of a Real Man.  Well, in Billy’s book, that makes him an idiot!  He gave up half of life for what?  To protect a lie??  “To pro-tect his family,” says Victor.  Duh.   Billy says the guy lost his wife and son when the truth came out.  How is THAT protecting his family?  Honorable Victor says that statement indicates to him that Billy knows NOTHING about HONOR. 

 

Billy says maybe they should ask Victoria what she would rather have…the “honorable guy” that’s not part of her life, or the guy that’s ALWAYS there for her no matter what!!  “When have you ever been there for her?” growls Victor.  “Are you KIDDING me??  Who are you talking to?  Were you there for her when you were GAMBLING?  OR DRINKING?  Or nearly got her killed because of your shady connections?  Don’t compare yourself with Stitch, you’ll lose every time!”  Billy pouts.

 

Nikki and Victoria come downstairs.  The little angel is sleeping.  Vicky says Mom is going to stay for a few days to help out.  Victor thinks that’s wonderful.  Nikki likes being around new life, it makes her feel like anything is possible.  It’s even possible that Maureen has survived her heart surgery running around in the park, and just called her.  “Please don’t hang up!”

 

Paul finds Joe Clark in the lobby of the club.  “What brings you to our neck of the woods?” asks yummy Joe.  “OUR neck, is it?  You’re really planting your roots here, aren’t you?”  Joe says he loves their city, but his home will always be Chicago.  Is he there on official police business?  Not at the club, but Paul IS investigating some criminal activity.  “Sounds exciting,” says Joe.  #notexciting  “Hope you catch your culprit.”  He turns to leave.

 

Just a minute, Mr. Clark, where have YOU been the last several hours?  Like Joe would throw his own bricks.  GMAB.   Surely Paul isn’t accusing him of something?  “Just answer the question, please.”  Hmm, FU?  Actually, Joe woke up, had a bite to eat, and then went to Crimson Lights for coffee.  Oh, so he couldn’t find coffee at the club?  “Not that cup of heaven your son serves up,” says Joe.    I love his compliments of death.   And after that?  Back to the gym.  He’s even holding a gym bag.  What time was that? 

 

Joe’s like how about you tell me what this is about.  There was an INCIDENT at the coffee house.  Someone threw a brick through the main window.  Actually, it was just that little, tiny window above the bar.  Joe’s really sorry to hear that.  #notsorry  Paul thinks it’s interesting it happened the same day as the riveting expose in the paper.   Surely he doesn’t think there’s a connection?  Paul thinks maybe it was a warning to the business owners to  desist, or perhaps an attempt to devalue the neighborhood so his cronies can move in?  

 

Joe says he can spin his theories all he wants, but his clients have nothing to do with this.  And they could probably do a lot better than a lousy brick, you rube.  Paul wants to know if he has any alibi witnesses.  OMG, IT WAS A BRICK.  Joe says sure, the gym was packed.  “You’ll forgive me if I don’t take your word for it?” asks smarmy Paul.  “Well, apology accepted.”  #notaccepted  “But I can assure you, Chief, that where I come from?  We don’t throw bricks.”  TOLD YA SO!  He goes upstairs.  Paul squints.  He’s not sure how intimidating he came across.

 

Dylan and Avery clean up the broken glass.  Avery says it was a dangerous thing to go after the brick maniac.  Dylan asks if she means it was a stupid thing.  He said it, not her.  Is it just me, or is her hair super blonde now?  “I was defending my territory.  It’s what I was trained to do, it’s who I am,”  says Super Dylan.  Avery says he doesn’t have to do it alone!  He has people now who love him, and have his back, and can abuse the law for him.  Dylan says it’s kinda crazy how different things are now from when he first showed up.  A lot of people were against him, especially Nick.  Avery says he can’t really blame him for that.  No, we can never blame Nick for ANYTHING.

 

Hey, has he heard from Nick lately?”  Omg, people are more worried about Nick than they were about pregnant Victoria.  Avery says Summer is whining about him.  “Because he took off for a couple days to get away??”  Well, she says he was in a pretty bad state when he left.  He was making sad faces, you guys.  Dylan says that’s understandable.   Avery is concerned because they had a call set up to talk about Faith’s custody, and he missed it.   Dylan’s all you know how it is, when you get away and start thinking about your life and hallucinating ex-girlfriends and shit.   Yeah, but Avery’s left him lots of messages and told him Summer’s whining, and he still didn’t call back. That’s not Nick.  A hero always calls back.  Dylan’s like, he probably turned off his phone, okay?  There’s probably a perfectly good explanation.

 

Like a bear trap.  Adam tries to help get it off now, too, against his better judgment.  I really don’t think you can open a bear trap with your hands.  It’s a BEAR trap.  Sage is disgusted.  “Do you not have any feelings at all for your own brother?”  Uh, yeah, hate is a feeling.  Let’s be real, Nick would let Adam die in a bear trap.  Adam says of course he does, but they’re more complicated.  Let’s just get his leg out and be done with it.  Adam has no doubt someone’s looking for him anyway.  “He’s the light of everyone’s life back in Genoa City," he snarks. "They treat him like he’s a god.  Who knows, maybe he IS a god.  He’s managed to skate through his life so far, he’ll manage to get himself out of this.”  Marry me, Adam Newman. 

 

Adam finally gets the trap off.  “I’m outta here.”  He wipes his hands off on Nick’s pants.  Lol  Sage has to stop the blood with her scarf!  Will Adam at least call 911?!  Uh, no.  He doesn’t need any contact with the authorities.  He got his leg out of the trap, the rest is up to her.  Geez, Sage, how hard was it to call 911 half an hour ago from the castle?  Adam walks off.  Sage ties the scarf around Nick’s leg and shakes him a little bit.  “Help is on the way, alright?  Stay alive!”  She rushes away. 

 

Nikki can’t believe Maureen has the NERVE to call her after what she did to Victoria!  Maureen is SO SORRY, she wishes she could go back and change it all.  So what does she want from Nikki?  She wants to meet her at the park!  What if she won’t, will Mo tell everyone the truth about her?  Just PLEASE come!  Nikki says she has no choice, so okay.  She tells everyone she has another one of those incredibly convenient charity meetings.  I think I need to add some charity meetings to MY schedule.  She’s gotta go. 

 

Billy can stay a little while longer.  “So can I!” says Victor.  It’s a standoff.  The baby cries, and Billy goes to check on her.  Victoria looks at Victor and says she knows what he’s going to say, and she wishes he wouldn’t.  He takes her by the shoulders.  “The name on the birth certificate AIN’T Abbott.  It’s Newman!  As it should be.” 

 

Adam anxiously paces around the castle. That’s a very metrosexual sweater.  Sage comes in and says she called the EMT’s on a burner phone.  “So, relax. You’re safe.”  If he’s so safe, then what is his brother doing outside his front door?!  She’s like that wasn’t even our property.  It’s close enough!!  Does she think he was looking for Adam?! “Looking for a dead man??” scoffs Sage.  But maybe he knows Gabriel’s the one that died that night!  Sage is sure his tracks  are covered.  Maybe Nick was just staying in a cabin south of there.  Adam thinks it’s NOT a coincidence.   Sage says sometimes that happens!  

 

Why couldn’t he just vacation in Fiji, gripes Adam.  Sage is like, geez, he really shook you up!  Adam says it’s just a lot of stuff he hasn’t thought about in a long time.  "What did he do to you??"  HE STOLE MY FATHER’S LOVE!!!  Adam says, nothing, it was a long time ago.  Sage says you can’t outrun that stuff.  “I think you’d be surprised how fast I am.”  The sooner they can shove Nick in the back of an ambulance the better off they’ll be.  He needs a drink!  Would it be wrong to point out how sexy the back of his neck is?  That kind of haircut is really it for me.  I can even overlook the sweater.  Sage peers out the window.

 

Chelsea is NOT going to freak out on the basis of one look Stitch saw.  As far as she’s concerned, Billy is committed to HER.  Now where’s her drink.  “Hey, if you want to set yourself up for disappointment, go right ahead.  I have enough problems on my hands.  Like, OH, maybe the lawsuit your mercenary father brought against me!”  Chelsea’s trying to get him to drop that suit.  She even offered to pay him a cash settlement herself.  Stitch is like, really?  She understands he doesn’t think highly of her for digging up his past, but she is NOT the type to kick a guy when he’s down! 

 

“You did it out of the goodness of your heart?” mocks Stitch.  No, she wants to put all of that to bed and move forward with Billy. She believes HE can move forward with Victoria!  He has to stop selling himself short!  Stitch says the baby’s paternity CHANGES things.  She says it DOESN’T change the reason Billy and Victoria broke up in the first place.  Billy is not an OPTION for Victoria, because Billy is NOT available!  She’s going to see to that.  So will he toast to THAT?  Yep!

 

Vicky put Newman on the birth certificate for a reason, not to keep the father out of her life.  Victor’s very sorry to hear that.  “Dad, for you of all people to say that!  Were you better off without your father in your life?!”  With the kind of father he had?  You bet.  Well, Billy’s not like that.  He’s a good father and loves his children.  He would never abandon them, except for when he's getting ice cream.  “Sweetheart, if you must, let him be a part of your daughter’s life, but not part of YOUR life, for heaven’s sake!”  She couldn’t even if she wanted to.   He’s in another relationship.  Victor’s like, come on.  All you have to do is snap your fingers and he’d be right back at the door.  Vicky doesn't really disagree, but does he see her snapping?  He sees her fingers getting closer.  Whether she wants to admit it or not, she’s softening toward him!  “Listen to me.  There’s a man far more worthy of you.”  They’ve all misjudged Stitch.  He’s worthy of Special Snowflake.  He’s a good man.

 

Maureen has a flashback to shoving Victoria in the closet.  Nikki shows up.  Give her a good reason not to call the police.  “What about the baby?  Isn’t that reason enough?”  Probably…not.

 

Paul comes back to see Dylan.  Dylan could use his help.  He’s thinking of taking a REAL STAND, you guys.

 

Avery leaves Nick another message.  She just hopes he’s okay.  She goes in her office where Joe totally startles her again.  WHAT is he doing there?!  When is he going to get through his head?  She’s not interested in playing games with him!  “Then why did you accuse me of vandalizing Crimson Lights?  Do you honestly think that’s something I could do?”

 

Nikki asks what any of  this has to do with Vicky’s baby?  “Because if she is my grandchild, then I'll call the police for you.  And I'll take whatever punishment they give me for killing Richard.”  Nikki says that’s very noble of her.  #notnoble  But the baby is Billy’s.  Maureen puts her face in her hands.  “My poor Ben!”  This child would have meant so much to him!  And Kelly.  Oh, it’s just more heartbreak. 

 

She sinks onto a bench.   It’s been one nightmare after another for her family.  She might as well go turn herself in anyway.  She HATES what she’s become.  She hates what she did.  She ran and let Ben carry it for her.  “I hate who I am, Nikki.”  She wishes she knew how to ask for help when the abuse started, but..she didn’t.  And they have paid for that ever since.  “Well, I think you and your family have paid enough,” says Nikki quietly.  She pulls an envelope out of her purse.  Here’s enough for her to get out of Genoa City and never look back.  Wow!

 

Billy comes back to Victoria.  Grandpa Munster left?  He asks how the fantastic trash talk went.  Vicky says he did his best, but she’s heard it all before.  She doesn’t let it sway her.  “Even now?  When he has a real white knight to compare me to?”  He knows all about Mr. I Took The Rap For My Mother’s Crime Because I’m Such A Standup Guy.  Victor rubbed his face in it.  Waaaah!  Vicky says he shouldn’t let Victor to get to him.  Billy says it’s fine, all he has to do is look at the amazing baby.  He can’t believe it’s real, that she’s his…”That she’s ours.”  Victoria knows.  After all the disappointments…they finally have a baby.  They stare in each other’s eyes.   There’s a knock on the door.  It’s Chelsea come for her man!  Vicky gives her the side eye.

 

Dylan tells Paul he wants a big, loud demonstration to make an impact, but within the bounds of the law.  Paul’s like, okaaay, but these people have deep pockets and a lot of clout.  And if he angers them enough…   “I DON’T CARE HOW MUCH MONEY OR POWER THEY HAVE, I’M NOT BACKING DOWN FROM THIS!”  Paul says the worst thing he can do is play into their hands.  Dylan says this is the right thing to do and he’s going ahead with it.  With his help or without it.  #CrimsonLightsMatters 

 

Avery doesn’t know what Joe’s talking about.  She didn’t accuse him of anything!  Then why did Paul just interrogate him like a common criminal?  Avery says he must have come to that conclusion on his own, but it makes sense!  He’s the one with the most to gain!  “By throwing a brick through the window??  Someone could have gotten hurt.  I would never do that!”  He thought Avery knew him better than that, but clearly she doesn’t know him at all!  He storms out.

 

Maureen’s like, what?  You’re buying me off?  Nikki says that was her intention.  But it really doesn’t matter anymore.  She’s stopped drinking, so Maureen doesn’t have anything on her.  Maureen takes the envelope, confused.  “But why?”  Because you need it, says Nikki gently.  She’s a better woman than her snowflake daughter.  Nikki says it’s not life-changing money, but…it could change her life.  Help her get on a better show. 

 

Maureen’s like, so I should just go away?  But Ben and Kelly have been through so much.  Nikki says if she stays there, she’ll only be subjecting them to more, and she knows that.  Maureen nods.  She’s going to use this money to get back on her feet, and become the person her kids would be happy to see.    Nikki smiles wistfully and nods.  “Good luck.”  She starts to leave.  Maureen turns… “Nikki!  You and I both have a lot of demons.  Don’t let yours get you down.”  Nikki wishes the same to her.  Thank you, says Maureen, and she disappears.  Omg, I got a feelz from this.

 

Stitch is still drinking at the bar.  Victor sits down.  “How are you doing?  Okay?”  Stitch is surprised.  Victor respects the sacrifices he’s made in his life.  Would he make that same sacrifice for Victoria?  “In a heartbeat.”  Wait, what?  Did he just promise to go to jail if Victoria kills Victor?  LOL  “Then get off your sorry ass, and get over to that house, and prevent her from making the biggest mistake of her life!”  Stitch is like, hell yeah.

 

Victoria grudgingly lets Chelsea in.  She hadn’t planned on stopping by, but golly gee, she just started sketching, and came up with this.  She hands Vicky a drawing of a christening gown.  She offers to make it for her.  Omg, it’s the most beautiful gift EVER!  Billy really appreciates it. Special Snowflake says we both do, emphasis on WE.  Chelsea smiles at her like you fucking bitch.  My momma was right about you!  Snowflake looks coquettishly at the floor. 

 

Adam looks at a photo of Victor Newman and his godlike spawn online.  He remembers Nick’s voice saying “Doesn’t matter what you do.  You can take a THOUSAND bullets for Dad.  It’s not gonna do ANY good.  You’re always gonna be on the outside looking in.”  At least Nick is outside in the dirt for one day.  Sage holds his hand and the sirens and lights approach.  These woods have AMAZING access.  Nick comes to a little bit.  He looks up at Sage.  “Who are you?” he moans lovingly.  She rushes off to meet the ambulance.  Nick passes out again.  This is some of his best work.

[kia112]

Nick comes to a little bit.  He looks up at Sage.  “Who are you?” he moans lovingly.  She rushes off to meet the ambulance.  Nick passes out again.  This is some of his best work.

 

Oh, so Sage pulled a Little Mermaid on Nick?  If only the Ursula took away his voice instead.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Victoria grudgingly lets Chelsea in. 

Isn't Johnny at Chelsea's place? Princess Victoria doesn't even bother to thank Chelsea (or Anita) for babysitting. I guess Johnny doesn't rate now that Victoria has a Billy Abbott baby of her very own.

 

Nikki says if she stays there, she’ll only be subjecting them to more, and she knows that.  Maureen nods.

But with Maureen disappearing again how will Stitch prove that he didn't really kill his father? Does dry drunk Nikki realize what she just did or is she also on the Victoria&Billy4Evah bandwagon?

[peach]

Isn't Johnny at Chelsea's place? Princess Victoria doesn't even bother to thank Chelsea (or Anita) for babysitting. I guess Johnny doesn't rate now that Victoria has a Billy Abbott baby of her very own.

 

But with Maureen disappearing again how will Stitch prove that he didn't really kill his father? Does dry drunk Nikki realize what she just did or is she also on the Victoria&Billy4Evah bandwagon?

 

Johnny who?

 

I think it's been proven to the only people that matter:  The Newmans.  Paul pointed out that Stitch still used a fake identity to get his license, even if he didn't kill anyone.  But Victor and the Special Snowflake know Stitch is Worthy now.  I have to say I was kinda touched that Nikki helped out Maureen, and that she was able to get away.  Sure she wanted to cover her ass, but I think she really did feel a connection to her.  And had more compassion than her spoiled rotten daughter.

Edited December 4, 2014 by peach

[NinjaPenguins]

 

Billy says it’s fine, all he has to do is look at the amazing baby.  He can’t believe it’s real, that she’s his…”That she’s ours.”  Victoria knows.  After all the disappointments…they finally have a baby.  They stare in each other’s eyes.

These two need to shut the fuck up. They had cheap, unprotected sex and made a baby that will turn out more spoiled and assy than Summer. They didn't cure ebola or colonize the moon.

 

 

Adam says it doesn’t matter, it’ll take him five minutes of being around Constance to figure it out anyway.  She’ll start talking about Gabriel, and how HE saved Adam, and had plastic surgery!  Nick’s dumb, but he’s not too dumb to figure THIS out.

Adam, you magnificent bastard, of course Nick IS that dumb! He's even dumber! If he were any more dense, he'd form an event horizon. If his IQ were any lower, he'd be classified as the first human/root vegetable hybrid.

 

Another superb recap, peach! I just can't watch Avery and Super Dylan, so it's good to get your humorous take on them. They are one of the most passionless, chemistry-free couples on any soap; they have a sibling vibe if anything.

[peach]

I'm just so glad that Nick has finally found a kind woman that might be worthy of his greatness.  And doesn't have any of those pesky secrets, like, say, helping his evil brother fake his own death and change his identity.

Edited December 4, 2014 by peach

[movinon]

 

I really don’t think you can open a bear trap with your hands.  It’s a BEAR trap.  Sage is disgusted.  “Do you not have any feelings at all for your own brother?”  Uh, yeah, hate is a feeling.  Let’s be real, Nick would let Adam die in a bear trap.

There are too many funny ones to pick from - one more time.  This one is so true - Nick is the scum of the earth. and he would let Adam die, might even help him along.  Thanks again, Peach, and that last line is a real zinger. 

[peacheslatour]

How does one open a bear trap?  Is there some kind of mechanism?  I mean, lets say you caught a dog or some other innocent creature in your bear trap.  How would you get it off?  Or even if you did trap a bear, you'd still need to get the thing off eventually, right?

[MollyB]

I think you shoot the bear first (not in favor of that, so don't be calling the SPCA on me).  Adam seems to be smart enough to have thought of that.

Peach, I love the hash tag side comments and am sooo looking forward to more of them.

Sage has to be pretty obtuse not to understand why Adam doesn't want to get involved.  Ok, I accept she's not Skye =sniff= but she's involved in hiding this guy and changing his identity.  For a reason, right?  Adam was pretty straight forward about why he couldn't be involved.  Why did she insist he be there?  Calling the ambulance first and then going back would have saved a lot of time(blood).

Annnnd.  Joe should file harrassment charges, except, oopsie, the DA is the Chief's wife.  Can't tell whether I'm in Cabot Cove or Chicago.  You've got a woman who left the hospital-don't know whether it was on her own or at the hands of her confessed killer son-and now the Chief is asking if Stitch might know where she is.  But he has the manpower to send two (!?!) squad cars after a brick thrower. WTF?

rant over-too much coffee.

[peacheslatour]

 

I think you shoot the bear first (not in favor of that, so don't be calling the SPCA on me).  Adam seems to be smart enough to have thought of that.

And then what?  I was curious enough to google this and you do not want to know what I saw (what has been seen can never be unseen, etc,).  Not going any further.  Yikes.

[movinon]

 

I have to say I was kinda touched that Nikki helped out Maureen, and that she was able to get away.  Sure she wanted to cover her ass, but I think she really did feel a connection to her.  And had more compassion than her spoiled rotten daughter.

Agreed.....I thought it was a kinda sweet moment between two women who crossed paths for a short time.  I loved having Meredith Baxter on the show, even if she is a bad mother, and I enjoyed the connection between her character and Nikki.  They don't show enough friendships like Phyllis and Michael, and Katherine and Nikki.  They are working a good one right now with Mariah and Kevin, and I hope they don't drop it. 

[peacheslatour]

Agreed.....I thought it was a kinda sweet moment between two women who crossed paths for a short time.  I loved having Meredith Baxter on the show, even if she is a bad mother, and I enjoyed the connection between her character and Nikki.  They don't show enough friendships like Phyllis and Michael, and Katherine and Nikki.  They are working a good one right now with Mariah and Kevin, and I hope they don't drop it. 

I liked it too.  When Nikki told her that the baby was Billy's, you could see that the pain she caused and the enormity of what she did to her son just sweep over her.  It was like a physical blow.  Great job Ms. Baxter!  And you could see the kinship Nikki felt for her at that moment, the empathy.  And I couldn't agree more about needing more friendships, Mariah and Kevin are hitting it out of the park!

[glowlights]

Johnny who?

 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF LITTLE JOHNNY?

 

The Newmans can stuff it - Little Johnny is GC royalty to me.

 

(at least we won't have any more paternity conversations for a couple of months... until we learn there was a switcheroo with the dna swabs because Y&R is shameless like that)

[peach]

How does one open a bear trap?  Is there some kind of mechanism?  I mean, lets say you caught a dog or some other innocent creature in your bear trap.  How would you get it off?  Or even if you did trap a bear, you'd still need to get the thing off eventually, right?

I hate to sound like Summer, but I thought there was some kind of metal tool thingie that opens it up.  I'm basing that on a not very good horror movie, however.  I do think it's harder to open than a notebook binder.

Peach, I love the hash tag side comments and am sooo looking forward to more of them.

 Lol, thanks.  I feel like #sorrynotsorry is just the best way to convey Joe Clark's attitude when he says so many nice things.  "Sounds exciting."  I LOVE his ultra dry sarcasm in the face of the overbearing earnestness of Dylan, Avery, and Paul.

Edited December 5, 2014 by peach

[peacheslatour]

 

I hate to sound like Summer, but I thought there was some kind of metal tool thingie that opens it up.  I'm basing that on a not very good horror movie, however.  I do think it's harder to open than a notebook binder.

I finally consulted an expert (my husband) and he said that you have to pry it open with your hands and once you have it fully open, there's a locking mechanism which holds it open.  He did say it would take two people.  He also said "who the fuck sets bear traps?"

[miamama]

They are one of the most passionless, chemistry-free couples on any soap; they have a sibling vibe if anything.

 

Is it me or does Jessica Collins have a tendency to give off a mother vibe? She's beautiful and has those knockers but she just kind of becomes the comforting mama. She was like that with Nick and now with Dylan. She needs to be badass. She doesn't work as a good nurturing type.

 

It could also be the infantile losers she's paired with. 

[peach]

Wed, Dec 3     How Wooed

 

Michael walks dejectedly through the park that is now festooned with uber tacky Christmas decorations.   Phyllis is in what appears to be an alien coma trance, staring at Katherine Chancellor’s plaque.  Michael comes up and holds her hand.   Phyllis can’t believe she’s gone.  Was she in a coma THAT long?  Wow.  Jack told her, but she should have sensed it.  Katherine was such a presence.  Michael says nothing’s been the same without her.  Does he still miss her?  “Every damn day,” he says with tears in his eyes.   Phyllis is sorry, she knows how close they were.  He says it helps to know she lived a long, incredible life and made every moment count. 

 

Phyllis needs to make this about her and says that’s pretty tough to do from a coma that she is no longer experiencing.   Michael can’t imagine how it feels to lose a whole year of your life.   Well, apparently, it’s frustrating, irritating, infuriating, and maddening.  Now you know.  If Michael had a magic wand he would give her all that time back, and probably cure prostate cancer.  Well, he can’t, that time is gone forever, but she IS going to reclaim everything else that was taken from her!

 

Abby shows Jack photos of Katherine Rose.  Boy, you can’t do much better than that name.  Billy told Abby he couldn’t think of two better people to honor than Katherine and Delia, but he named his kid after them instead.   Jack talked to him on the phone and can’t remember when he’s heard Billy that happy.  Abby says think how happy he’ll be when he moves back in with Victoria and their kids. 

 

Jack warns they don’t know if that’s going to happen.  Omg, Billy and Victoria Belong Together.  If they didn’t know that before, they do now.  Jack’s like, uh, Billy’s with CHELSEA now.  Ugh, Jack, Chelsea was just keeping Billy’s bed warm until he could be with the woman he really loved, same as KELLY was for him.  Kelly has chosen that moment to walk in the door.  Awk-ward.  “Well, is she right, Jack?”  Jack’s mouth flaps per usual.

 

Kevin is hanging out with Mariah at The Underground while she stocks the bar.  Did she wrestle Faith for the turkey leg on Thanksgiving?  Oh, Faith was at the Newmans’.  Mariah was NOT at the Newmans’.  Kevin asks if she’s a pariah by association?  Nope, by choice.  So she and Noah had turkey sandwiches at the club with Sharon.  She didn’t want her to be alone.  Kevin raises his eyebrows.  “Aww.  Be careful.  Someone might get the impression that you care.” 

 

Kev did the whole family Thanksgiving thing, minus the family.  Gloria and Jeffery went on a singles cruise, “don’t ask,” and Michael and Lauren went to Arizona to see Fen.  So Kevin ordered Chinese food.  Mariah says that’s not pathetic AT ALL.  Kevin says it’s actually becoming a tradition.  Last year, Esther forgot the turkey, so they ordered kung pao, and Thanksgiving didn’t totally suck.   That’s saying something, considering it was the first one without Delia.  Sad music starts playing.  “I never anticipated spending the next one without Chloe, too.”  Aw, Mariah has feelz.  She puts her hand on Kevin’s.  He looks at her hand like it’s a mysterious foreign object.  She abruptly pulls it back and goes back to work.  He studies her over his laptop.

 

Hilary and Devon meet up at the club bar before the big doomsday lunch caper.  Hilary says to relax, the stand-in Special Girlfriend will be there.  Gwen is an accountant at Jabot.  Devon furrows his brow.  An accountant is totally not good enough for him.  So he doesn’t like dumb models OR smart accountants.  You’d think he’d be a little more worried that Hilary chose someone from HER JOB, the same place Neil is on leave from.  WTF did she tell her?  Help me cheat on my husband WHO IS A VP here?  With his SON?  This plan is also incredibly clever in that Devon has never spoken to this chick before.

 

Hilary says Gwen is quiet and reserved , but nice.  Devon is sickened by this description, but I guess that’s what Hilary’s going for.  She says the most important thing is that Gwen’s willing to go along with this.  Devon thinks the most important thing is that this woman appears to be someone he’s into.  Hilary’s like, you mean someone you can imagine a FUTURE with, a Woman of Substance with an IQ higher than a head of lettuce/himself. 

 

He says his family’s supposed to believe he’s in love, and that’s going to be tough sell if she’s too [ugly] shy.  The half-Asian casting call hottie comes strolling up in a sexy dress.  “There’s nothing too shy about me,” she smiles.  Devon’s like, wow.  Hilary’s like…shit.  Lord these people overdress for lunch.  Gwen looks like she could be Austin’s sister.

 

“Wow,” says Hilary.  “Gwen, you look…different..than how you look at the office.”  Hilary is really frustrated with this bait and switch.  “Did she make me out to be a boring accountant?” says Gwen charmingly.  “There’s more to me than calculators and spread sheets.”  Devon can see that.  Actually, she was a vocal performance major in college!  After graduating, she tried to make it as a singer, mostly cabaret stuff.  But then she somehow became an accountant at a major corporation.  I’m surprised she’s not a chemist. 
Devon’s like, wow, we have so much in common!  He was also a music major at GCU!  And a producer for his dad, and then had his own company afterwards.  Omg, you guys, he could probably make her a star!  Wow, Hilary didn’t tell her any of that!  Hilary says there’s a lot she didn’t tell her.  As in his entire background, apparently.  Why know a single thing about your fake boyfriend when you meet his family?  Aaand, it’s too late now.  Lily and Neil arrive.  Those are the two she has to convince they’re a couple. 

 

Hilary says they have to be SUBTLE, okay, so like, don’t touch him too much or anything, missy.  Otherwise they won’t believe it.  Subtle and convincing, says Gwen.  She’s got it.  She is as cute as a basket of puppies, I have to say.  I’d be worried, too.  Hilary goes to greet Neil. 

 

Devon tells Gwen he knows this sounds like the weirdest thing in the world, but he really appreciates her helping out.  Gwen is super understanding.  “Something like this…it can be tough breaking it to people.  I just hope one day you don’t have to lie to your family about who you really love.”  Omg, Hilary must have told her Devon is gay.  Hahahaha.   Maybe she has more game than I gave her credit for.  Gwen pours on the charm when she meets Lily. 

 

Summer and Austin show up at The Underground with Christmas decorations.  He’s wearing a Santa hat.  “Ho, ho, ho.  Santa’s elves are here!”  Mariah’s like, oh, great, Christmas cheer.  “Well, happy holidays to you, too, Mrs. Grinch,” says Austin.  Seriously, says Mariah, do they have to do this now?  Summer wants the place to be festive for Daddy when he gets back from his trip!  Also she doesn’t work or go to school, so she literally has nothing else to do. 

 

Mariah’s going to do all my heavy lifting today.  Summer just wants to lift Nick’s spirits.  “I thought suing Sharon for sole custody of Faith was supposed to do that,” says Mariah.  Summer says Nick is worried about Faith and doesn’t want to see her hurt any more than she already has been!  “And the best way to do that is to cut her off from her mom,” says Mariah.  “When your mom’s Sharon,” snipes Summer.  “As opposed to someone LOVING and NURTURING, like Phyllis,”  retorts Mariah.

 

Kevin interrupts.  “Hey, hey, hey, tis the season, remember?  Peace on earth, goodwill towards men, and women.”  “This spoiled brat has no interest in embracing the true meaning of Christmas,” accuses Mariah.  HEY! says Austin.  Brilliant comeback, bro.  “It’s TRUE,” says Mariah.  “She would rather TAKE than give.  Who cares if it hurts the little sister that she CLAIMS to love!” 

 

Summer frowny pouts that she is NOT the one who’s hurt Faith!  “You are ENCOURAGING Nick to take her away from Sharon!  How do you think she’s going to feel not being able to see her mom every day?!”  Summer KNOWS how it feels!  HER mom and HER dad were taken away from her for over a year, thanks to Sharon!  So suck it, Faith!  “You and Noah might be able to forgive her, but I would like to see her PAY for what she did.” 

 

“You really got the Victor thing going on, don’t you,” says Mariah.  “Dishing out your own brand of justice.”   Sharon DESERVES to lose custody of Faith, bitches Summer.  Mariah is so pissed.  “If Nick goes through with this custody battle…the ONLY person losing IS Faith.  JUST LIKE YOU WERE, when the Newmans and Abbotts fought over you.”  Personally, I think Summer came out WINNING! In that whole deal, but she’s pierced by that observation.  “Is THAT what you want for her?!” demands Mariah.

 

Phyllis blah blahs about how she wants all the missing pieces of her life, and she doesn’t want to be protected.  She’s recovered!  There is no excuse for Jack keeping things from her.  Michael says IF he is, it’s in her best interest.  “There’s no justifying lying, Michael,” SAYS PHYLLIS NEWMAN.  Sooner or later the truth always comes out.  It’s better if she hears stuff from Jack than anyone else.  Because there’s nothing worse than being blindsided by someone you love.  Phyllis would NEVER BLINDSIDE anyone, besides every minute of the entire last month.  Michael contemplates.

 

Abby apologizes to Kelly.  If she’d known she was standing there….  Kelly’s like, what, you would have censored yourself?  Probably not, admits Abby.  “Honesty.  How REFRESHING,” says Kelly.  She’s sure Abby’s THRILLED how things have turned out.  She’s no longer with Jack, Stitch isn’t the father of Victoria’s baby.. .  Abby just wants her family to be happy.  “Oh, isn’t that nice.  Isn’t that what we all want.”  Abby acts genuinely sorry and rushes out.  She’s wearing another short shorts and tights combo.

 

Jack tells Kelly, “You KNOW how much you meant to me.”  Ouch, past tense.  “Obviously I didn’t mean THAT much, or you wouldn’t have put the ring back on Phyllis’ finger.”  He made a PROMISE to Phyllis, and he’s fulfilling that promise.  So he’s doing this out of obligation??  No.  He’s doing this out of love. 

 

Lily apologizes that Cane couldn’t be there, but he’s helping Joe Clark with a real estate deal.  He’s got bricks to throw, plus he finds this farce way too nauseating to eat lunch with them.  Neil discusses the article about the grassroots movement to squash that development deal.  Lily and Hilary pat Neil on the head for his amazing reading skillz like he’s four years old. 

 

Lily mentions them preparing for a new baby.  Neil pus his arm around Hilary and says she has to get pregnant first!  Devon imagines stabbing Neil with his shrimp fork.  So enough about this annoying family, says Neil.  What’s Gwen’s story?  He wants to know EVERYTHING about the woman who has captured his son’s heart!

 

“What’s the matter, Summer?” asks Mariah.  “Suddenly you’ve got NOTHING to say?”  Summer casts about for a response, but can’t think of one.  “Why should I bother wasting my time talking if all you’re gonna do is twist everything around with reason and logic and make my dad look like the bad guy?”  Mariah says if Nick was such a saint, he would have cleared up this paternity mess AGES AGO.  Then Sharon wouldn’t have had a chance to mess with the results.  Austin tough squints a lot.  Summer is not surprised that someone with a rap sheet like Mariah’s is defending  Sharon’s DISGUSTING behavior! 

 

“Back off, Summer!” says Kevin.  “Stay out of it!” says squinty Austin.  “I’m surprised you’re even standing up for her,” Summer tells Kevin.  Underdog Kevin, seriously?  “Mariah is NOT responsible for what Sharon did.  I don’t even know if SHARON is responsible!  She was off her meds!”  I’m glad at least Kevin is able to remain consistent in the defense of unstable women.  Summer snorts.  “That might keep her out of jail, but my Aunt Avery will make SURE that she loses custody!” 

 

“You don’t give a DAMN about Faith!” shouts Mariah.  “All you care about is hurting Sharon and making sure she is completely alone!”  Summer says don’t worry.  She has YOU, Mariah. THANK GOD.  “You already filled in for one daughter,  you can always fill in for the other.”  She grabs her Christmas decorations and storms off, while hapless Austin follows with his tail between his legs.  He’s not allowed to speak until spoken to.

 

Kelly says that’s funny, Jack told her he loved HER once.  She thought he meant it.  “I did,” says Jack.  Clearly, they have different ideas of what love is, because to her it’s not something you can turn on and off, unless you’re turning it off for Phyllis.  “Jack, I loved you COMPLETELY!”  When they first got together, she thought it was safe.  Sam had just died, her heart was closed, except for that thing with Billy, and Jack’s was completely taken.   She thought, how could she get hurt?  And then he CHANGED THE RULES. 

 

“You asked me to move in with you, to YOUR HOUSE.  You asked me to redecorate YOUR HOUSE.”  Yeah, the redecorating thing was going too far.  He invited her to family dinners and events!  Kelly cries that he told her things were OVER with Phyllis, that he was ready to move on with his life.  “YOU WOOED ME, JACK!  With picnics, and Vivaldi, and roses!  You made me BELIEVE we had a future!  YOU MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU!....  I HATE YOU for that, Jack!”

 

Phyllis knows she’s lucky to be angry.  She plans to make the most of her second chance, starting with her engagement party.  Blah blah.  Michael’s glad she and Jack are back on the same page.  There he goes again, protecting her with secrets.  She KNOWS Jack dated while she was in the coma!  So how does she feel about that?  “How did YOU feel when Lauren hooked up with Carmine??”  I’m pretty sure Michael was conscious for that.  Michael’s like, um, SORRY, you can’t compare those two things!  They’re not the same!  “It is to me!” snaps Phyllis. 

 

Michael says she’s going to make him defend Jack.  Okay, Jack flew back and forth for months, and made the nurses hold up the phone so he could talk to her and play her music.  He would listen to her BREATHE.  And when everyone else gave up hope, he would get a second, third, FOURTH opinion from the best doctors in the country, although he overlooked Switzerland.  “And he still had time to date,” growls Phyllis. 

 

Look, all the doctors said there was an almost nonexistent chance she’d wake up again.  “ALMOST,” says Phyllis, who would have been humping all those experts if Jack was asleep.  Michael’s like, Jack was devastated!  And, it looks like he was a little lonely. She doesn’t BLAME him for finding comfort in someone, she just thinks there’s more to it than that.  “I am certain, that in spite of your unabashed narcissism, you will find a place in your dark, cold, little heart to put Jack’s pain above your jealousy.”  HA!!  Phyllis says don’t be so sure. 

 

Michael says if it were him, he would WANT Lauren to move on and find some happiness.  “Well, that’s a ridiculous comparison,” says Phyllis.  Michael’s not half as evil as Phyllis.  She says he’s young and healthy with his whole life ahead of him.  “We are going to live long and happy lives with the people we love,” she declares.   They hug.  Michael looks understandably depressed.

 

Mariah’s manhandling a broken blender, and Kevin thinks she should settle down.  She holds up her screwdriver.  “Would  you rather I use this on Mrs. Claus?”  Stick with the blender, he suggests, no jail time.  “I don’t need you or the Shield of Doom looking out for me.  I can handle all the spoiled princesses the Newmans want to throw at me.”  Kevin thinks maybe he should confiscate the screwdriver.  

 

Look, she’s not going to DO anything to Summer, it would be too easy to break that little twig in half.  Besides, some of the things she said were true.  She did some messed up stuff to Sharon.  Kevin says she’s making up for it now.  Look how she’s standing up for her with this custody mess.  “She’s Faith’s mom,” says Mariah.  “Kids should be with their mom.”

 

Austin’s feeling brave while cutting up white flocking, and suggests to Summer that Mariah had a point.  “So now you’re sticking up for her,” whines Summer.  “No.  But what she said about Faith getting caught in a custody battle?”  Summer says that’s complete bull!  “Come on, Summer,” chides Austin softly.  “You know what it was like having to choose between Jack and Nick.  I mean, think about what FAITH’S gonna feel like choosing between her parents.”  That’s not gonna happen, says Summer.  “If your dad insists on full custody, I don’t see how it couldn’t.”  He leaves to get a ladder.  Summer pouts.

 

Abby walks in.  She says Summer looks like she’s having as bad a day as Abby is.  Waaah.  Summer’s day is so bad because people think Faith should have a mom.  WAAAH.  Abby wants lunch, because she wants to put something in her mouth besides her foot.  She sort of told Uncle Jack she thought Kelly was a bedwarmer for Phyllis, and Kelly sort of overheard her.  Summer says that sucks.  Abby feels terrible, but it’s true.  #sorrynotsorry

 

Speaking of prior loves, Abby heard she spoke to Kyyyle?!  Summer giggles that she did!  AND?!  Summer’s like, and what?  “Summer, the thing that was keeping you and Kyle apart wasn’t true!  He’s not your brother!  Do you know what that means?”  Summer says it doesn’t mean anything.  She’s married!  Abby frowns in confusion.  Yeah, but to a poor!  It’s hard to believe she’s not a tiny bit curious about how things might have turned out for her and Kyle.  Summer looks down.  They go decorate.  MARIAH HEARD IT ALL.  She thinks and smirks.

 

Neil asks Gwen about herself.  She’s totally awesome.  She grew up in the SF Bay area, lived in NY, and now has a job in GC.  So far it’s nice, but she misses the 49ers.  Neil knows she ain’t going to root for the Packers!  Omg, Neil went to Stanford and SO DID GWEN’S MOM.  Neil thinks she’s a keeper!  Lily asks how they met.  Their clever plan didn’t include actually having a story, so Devon says they met at a club, while Gwen says they met through a friend.  Well, which is it??  “Both!” interjects Hilary.  Lily wrinkles her nose. “How would YOU know?”

 

Hilary says Gwen told her when they met earlier.  Blah blah.  Clubs, music, Beatles vs Stones.  How old are the writers?  You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t think Devon has a horse in that race.  Tupac vs Biggie, maybe.   (I say The Stones, if you want my 2 cents)  Neil wants to talk about Coltrane because he’s OLD skool.  Hey, Gwen heard you owned a record label, Neil!  Um, what?  Whoops!  Babe, that was his bio dad.  Right.  Whatevs. 

 

Gwen goes to the ladies room.   “I thought you two were serious,” says Lily.  #notserious.  “Who says we’re not serious?” says Devon.  “Well, you don’t seem to know each other very well.”  Devon gets all huffy.   First she wants to meet his Special Girlfriend, now she’s hassling him about how well he knows her?!  Neil says Lily is wondering the same thing he is.  Is Gwen The One, or what?   THIS FAMILY IS WEIRD.  I hope Gwen is running for her car.

 

Mariah plays the damsel in broken blender distress.  Austin tries fixing it.  Sooo, this whole Summer-Kyle-thing is kind of awkward, she mentions.  What Summer-Kyle-thing?  Well, Mariah heard they were pretty close before they thought they were brother and sister.  Austin’s like big deal.  They dated.  She dated other guys, too.  Austin’s the one who got her V-card. 

 

Mariah heard he might be coming back to town.  Doesn’t bother Austin at all.  And he fixed the blender, which was probably not ever broken.  “You’re good with your hands, you got that goin’ for you,” says Mariah, watching him walk away.  He also looks pretty good in that sweater.  Kevin comes up.  “Why are you messing with that guy’s head?”  “Was I?” says Mariah fake innocently.

 

Abby loves Christmas! It’s so Christmasy!  “But it must be hard splitting time between the Abbotts and the Newmans,” says Austin.  Double Christmases, such a hardship, jokes Abby.  Especially with the way her families try to outdo each other.  Who has the biggest tree?  The most presents?  The most lavish dinners?  The most DNA tests?  “I guess Kyle will be flying back for the big competition.  What with Phyllis being back and all.”  Abby’s like, umm, I’m going to get a drink.  Poor people have to make everything so awkward!

 

Genius Summer thinks Austin sounds a little worried about Kyle coming to town.  He just thought it might be awkward for her.  They were close, some say they were in luuuv.  Summer THOUGHT she was in love, but looking back, she doesn’t think she even knew what love was then.  “But you do now?”  “Yes!  It’s what you and I have!”  They kiss and hug.  Austin wonders if he could get away with shooting one more person.

 

Kelly throws it in Jack’s face that he accused her of always being the one who walked away, from her family, her problems, her marriage.  “You said you were afraid that if we hit a BUMP, I’D walk away from us.  And look at you.  Look at you now!  How IRONIC!”   Her lips are quivering.   “You have every right to hate me,” says Jack.  “I swear to you, I never meant to mislead you.”  He thought his life was over, blah blah.  Because of her he could laugh again, and love again.  “And yes, I DID love you!” 

 

“You obviously love her more!” wails Kelly.  “NOT MORE.  Just longer!  I HATE that you’re being hurt by this.  And I’m so GRATEFUL—“  Kelly SHRIEKS like he threw ice water in her face.  “NOOO!  God, Jack, don’t say that!!  I don’t want your gratitude, and I sure as hell don’t want your pity!!!”  She runs out the door and really does run into the bump named Phyllis.  Jack is going to rub a hole in his face.  “Wow,” says Phyllis.  “What was that about?”  She works extra hard to keep the triumph off her face.

 

Michael goes to his Web MD appointment, and of course, he was too stubborn to bring someone with him.  Blah blah stage 3 cancer, but not in the lymph nodes.  Blah blah treatment options.  Michael clenches his jaw while the doctor’s voice starts to fade away and sound like it’s in a tunnel, which is why you BRING SOMEONE. 

 

Michael asks about alternative medicine or clinical trials.  Sure, they can explore that, but this is what works.   IOW, you can forget the tomatoes.   Michael knows these methods destroy the cancer, but also everything in their path.  The doctor understands.  NO.  Unless you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, you don’t understand a DAMN THING, says Michael.  

 

The doctor sighs.  Michael’s really going to be a pain in the ass.   Michael says he isn’t doing this.  Doc says he needs to think of his wife and son!  Michael leans over his desk like some kind of psycho murderer.  “My family is all I’ve been thinking about, since I got diagnosed with cancer.”  He seems to like  enunciating “diagnosed with cancer.”

 

Abby comes bopping along and asks Kevin what’s he working on.   Kevin snaps his computer closed.  Why is everyone is this town SO NOSY?  Can’t a guy type on his laptop?  Abby’s like slow your roll, I was just being polite.  She doesn’t care what you’re doing.  He apologizes.  He’s just a couple days behind on paperwork.   She totally gets it.  They’re so behind on the fragrance launch.  She’ll let him get back to work. 

 

Mariah sneaks up behind him.  “Since WHEN is reading fantasy fiction part of your job, weirdo?” she grins.  He says it beats slogging through police reports!  Although these latest Plato Sphere chapters are lame.  He slams his lack of talent until Mariah says he’s CRAZY!  It’s GREAT!  It’s AWESOME!   This is the best stuff EVER!  She walks away, and Kevin is tickled pink.

 

Gwen actually came back from restroom.  It’s time for her to go, though.  Lily really wants to do this again!  She drinks coffee and looks suspicious.  Devon walks Gwen out to the lobby.  They made it! He’s pretty excited.  He seems pretty damn captivated by Gwen.   She apologizes for the bio dad mixup.  She’ll have to study up before their next get-together.  “You’re gonna do this again?” grins Devon.  Sure!  She can’t imagine how hard this must be, leading a double life.  Devon squints.

 

Jack asks what brings Phyllis by?  She didn’t know she needed an excuse to see her fiancé.  Of course not, it’s just a busy day.  It was nice of him to make time for Kelly.  Jack says she’s having a rough time.   Why, her mother’s heart attack?  Who lets that bother them?  The holidays are hard enough having lost a child, says Jack.  Phyllis just thinks it weird that she turns to HIM for comfort.  No, Jack asked her to come see him. 

 

He’s concerned she’s not in the right frame of mind to plan their wedding.   Phyllis thinks this is JUST what she needs to forget all the bad things in her life.   She keeps hearing Kelly is THE absolute best.  Doesn’t she deserve the BEST?  Um, of course.  Then it’s settled. Kelly’s going to help them plan their wedding!

 

Michael’s doctor gives him the business card for a therapist.  Um, no.   If he doesn’t start treatment soon, the cancer will spread.  “Can you guarantee that if I do this your way, that I won’t become some incontinent, impotent, pathetic shell of a man?”  He’ll be ALIVE, says Doc.  It’s his choice.  “YES!” barks Michael.  “It’s MY choice.  I will have treatment after the holidays,” he says imperiously.  Putting it off puts you at risk!  “I’M NOT GONNA LET THIS CANCER spoil my family’s holidays,” he says.  Well, dying would sure spoil Groundhog Day.

 

Austin finishes up the decorations and hugs Summer, while Mariah watches in the background.  Summer says it’s almost perfect.  What’s missing??  Kissing under the mistletoe, silly!  She wants to go hang it over the bed.  They run out.  Mariah watches them leave with blood in her eye.  Kevin says whatever she’s thinking, stop.  “And why should I?” says Mariah.  “Because trust me, it is not going to end well.” 

 

Devon gets Gwen’s coat.  So, uh, what exactly did Hilary say about him?  That he needed a girlfriend so his family would stop bugging him about not dating.  Look, she gets it.  Coming out is scary, but his family seems really supportive.  Devon laughs.  He’s not gay!  Omgosh.  If that’s not it, then..?  “The reason is that Lily and Neil want him to stop living the single life and settle down and have a family, etc.  So instead of just telling them no, he developed an elaborate, unsustainable ruse. 

 

Now that Devon is a hetero billionaire, Gwen is TOTALLY down with that! She’s with him on that one, she’s not ready for that stuff either.  But call her sometime if he’s free!  Devon smiles.  There is 1000% more chemistry between these two than Devon and Hilary.  He should dump her immediately for this woman.  Heck, Hilary should dump Devon for this woman.

 

Kelly’s on her midday martini.  Lily comes over and asks if she’s okay.  She is DEFINITELY NOT okay. Jack and Phyllis are getting married.  It’s official, she says half crazy.  Omg, Kelly.  Lily hasn’t heard the best of it.  Phyllis wants KELLY to plan the wedding.  “I’m such a fool!”  “No, you’re not!” says Lily.  If anyone’s a fool, it’s JACK.  He thinks he can pick up where he left off, and he can’t!  “Trust me.  He’s going to realize he’s made a huge mistake!”  They hug.

 

Jack says absolutely, Phyllis deserves the best.  Which is why he wants to hire someone who can give their full attention to the wedding!  Phyllis is really confident that Kelly will put aside her personal problems and give them the most spectacular wedding EVER.  Jack doesn’t want her to be disappointed.

 

That’s impossible, she has her life back, her fiancé back, and the only thing missing is her job at Jabot.  She knows Billy’s been filling in as the head of R&D.  Jack says he’s done a wonderful job.  Sure, why not. Phyllis thinks that’s great, he can get her up to speed.  Hey, he can’t just toss that workaholic Billy out. Even though it would be February before he even noticed. 

 

Phyllis says Jack can just give him another position.  He can head up advertising or the fashion division.   It’s all the same, right?  He’d probably like fashion, since he’s living with their lead designer, reasons Phyllis.  Jack just puts it out there that she could ALSO head up a different department.  “I could, but I don’t want to.  I want my OLD job back.  And we both know I always get what I want,” she says cozying up to him.  “Dammit, Phyllis!  You CAN’T ask me to go back on every commitment I made while you were gone!”  She glares.  “What OTHER commitments have you made?”  More mouth flapping.

[peach]

double post

Edited December 5, 2014 by peach