Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[peacheslatour]

 

What does a perfume that smells like Phyllis smell like?

Dammit p&e, you beat me to it!

[peach]

I kinda understand why Dylan is upset. After everything he and Stench went through while at war I think they should have developed a level of trust that would allow Stench to be honest about his past. Finding out your best friend killed someone, lied about his background, and stole someone's identity would be pretty shocking.

But it would have been shocking then, too.  He doesn't tell people because they freak out.  I think to someone in this position, they change their identity to themselves, like he's not just pretending to be Rayburn, he became Ben Rayburn.  And there's no point in changing your identity if you're going to tell anyone later. 

 

I'm disappointed they're making Kevin so stupid. Yet another character is acting stupid so this stupid story can work.

IKR?  They could have at least had him drop the badge by accident or something. 

Edited August 1, 2014 by peach

[Thumper82003]

Based on Kelly's statement about her mother worrying about getting Ben out of jail, I predict that it will turn out that Stitch took the rap for his mother, since he was a juvenile.

Of course these writers don't do the obvious or logical so who knows?

Kevin should have wiped fingerprints off the badge, then drop it on the floor on the hospital. He'd never bring it back to the station!

I still want Billy arrested for Adam's "murder". He kidnapped Adam at gunpoint, then Adam "died" because of that abduction. All this "he's a murderer" about Stitch, but Billy is too. Billy more so, since it was premeditated. Billy killed Victorias brother, and she doesn't care? But Stitch killed his abusive father as a teenager and it's a major crime? Selective memory, and they don't even have the excuse of ECT!

[Petunia13]

Chip is such an idiot. He's stupidly risking his career (in a bumbling manner) for CinderCon and Old Ass CW Billy neither of which give a flying fig about him. Oh course this is all just a set up by the hack writers to make Stitch all sympathetic and more likable than the less new (and nob jill created) cast members.

Jill's very transparent. Any faves she has them go through a bunch of moronic persecution (or perceived persecution) and have all the character laude their looks daily. She's done it for Dylan, Summer the village idiot, and Stitch.

Edited August 1, 2014 by Petunia13

[thewhiteowl]

I would just love one person, ONE PERSON (bonus points if it's Vikki) to say to Billy right after he has ranted about Stitch being a MURDERER! "Yeah, that's horrible, him being a killer and all. By the way, where's Adam, again? "

[peach]

I would just love one person, ONE PERSON (bonus points if it's Vikki) to say to Billy right after he has ranted about Stitch being a MURDERER! "Yeah, that's horrible, him being a killer and all. By the way, where's Adam, again? "

 

I would give the bonus points to Chelsea.

 

Some previous peachy Billiness:

Lol.  I hate Billy!

Edited August 1, 2014 by peach

[miamama]

I am really enjoying Mariah and the writers are giving her some good lines. How is that possible? 

[peacheslatour]

The colors are being used because the style right now is "mid-twentieth century modern".  That's why we're seeing a lot of turquoise, lime and geometric shapes.  Victoria's living room, the rooftop bar/disco/nail salon and especially Dummer's apartment are great examples of this.

Edited August 2, 2014 by peacheslatour

[peacheslatour]

^Ha, the houses don't bother me, it is the colors of the clothing. I should have been more specific. Ever since peach pointed out the GCRB, I have been obsessed with the color schemes of the clothes. It is like YR had their colors done and are sticking with a palette of only those colors. 

True dat.

[crosby777]

 

I haven't watched any of this trial. I just can't do it. But I'm with you, Peach. The idea that they are basically putting a pregnant teenager who was being viciously abused on trial is ridiculous. "She hated the baby" -- I believe I read this came up in the journal. Of course she did. She was a kid who was RAPED. Even well-established grown women hate the baby they are carrying at times. It means NOTHING. What she hates is the situation.

THIS x 1000 . I haven't watched this crap either. The show is so bad I don't even have much to say about it and that is not normal LOL I am a yackkadooooo normally.

[crosby777]

That was kinda creepy the way Sharon kept her eyes open while she was kissing Nick. Seems like a move you'd make if you were up to no good.

She always does the weirdo eye movements. Sharon is up to no good we know that.. she chose to fry her brains over telling the truth. She showed us who the real Sharon is.

[Canadian]

I have been shown for years who the real Sharon is, everything that makes her a great soap opera character..I have been shown a very flawed, certainly not perfect, but yet a very compassionate, forgiving, and caring character, I would never venture to say she has shown US who the real Sharon is because I would never assume to speak for others, but she has shown ME who she is..

[Joimiaroxeu]

I have been shown for years who the real Sharon is, everything that makes her a great soap opera character..I have been shown a very flawed, certainly not perfect, but yet a very compassionate, forgiving, and caring character, I would never venture to say she has shown US who the real Sharon is because I would never assume to speak for others, but she has shown ME who she is..

Was this posted in the wrong thread? Nobody's arguing about Sharon over here.

[Canadian]

Was this posted in the wrong thread? Nobody's arguing about Sharon over here.

Nope, the post I was replying to has been removed..LOL

 

.....but now it is back!!

Edited August 2, 2014 by Canadian

[miamama]

So I wonder if they are going the Sharon imagined the test switch route? As Peach pointed out they seemed to suggest this with her comment about perhaps having imagined a "memory" - specifically visiting the lab. Has she said this about the Creamy Nude memory (which as I recall did not fall down the stairs like that - I guess she's conflating Phyllis and the lipstick, lol). It occurs to me this would help fix her image big time in the sense that it showed she was so delusional that she confronted Phyllis in the stairwell over something that had never even happened. Who could argue she was in her right mind?

Edited August 2, 2014 by miamama

[peacheslatour]

So I wonder if they are going the Sharon imagined the test switch route? As Peach pointed out they seemed to suggest this with her comment about perhaps having imagined a "memory" - specifically visiting the lab. Has she said this about the Creamy Nude memory (which as I recall did not fall down the stairs like that - I guess she's conflating Phyllis and the lipstick, lol). It occurs to me this would help fix her image big time in the sense that it showed she was so delusional that she confronted Phyllis in the stairwell over something that had never even happened. Who could argue she was in her right mind?

"Conflating Phyliss and the lipstick".  This is very insightful, very Freudian. Reminds me of the Hitchcock film "Spellbound"  Can the writers possibly be smart enough to do that?  Nah.

[valleycliffe]

So I wonder if they are going the Sharon imagined the test switch route?

 

I think that is EXACTLY what they are going to do as Sharon has said the same thing before.

[radishcake]

OK the nickname Sharin is now off the table as we are doing away with nicknames that are misogynistic and slut shaming.

DO NOT comment on this post. I don't want to see any back and forth on it AT ALL. If you like it click the button. If you don't PM but keep in mind that the moderators have had it up to HERE with disrespect of other posters and characters on this entire topic.

[PatsyandEddie]

I think that is EXACTLY what they are going to do as Sharon has said the same thing before.

 

Sharon has said this multiple times which is why I've always gone with the theory that she didn't do anything. It would be a great way to move one from this mess IMO. I just hope that when the dust settles, Summer has an honest DNA test ( not in GC ) which proves who's daughter she is. My vote is still for Jack. Nick was behaving in a dodgy manner back in the day which raised my suspicions even at that time. Phyllis needs to move on in her own direction as stewed suggests. 

[Capricasix]

  His hair is perfect. 

Ah ooo, werewolves of London...

 

[Capricasix]

Who is the actor playing the judge in Nikki's trial? I recognize him, but can't remember where from.

Editing to fix an hour-old typo!

Edited August 4, 2014 by Capricasix

[glowlights]

This goddamn show. If I'm not missing scenes because I fell asleep, I'm missing scenes because there's a special news crisis interruption. I lost about the last 1/3 of today's epi (here in the U.S.). Did anything happen? Did Devon die? Did we solve the music box mystery? Did Phyllis wake up?

 

(hi, how's everyone been?)

[Capricasix]

The judge in Nikki's trial is played by an actor who has been in many things. He was on Six Feet Under as the gay florist friend of Mama Fisher.

 

The actor's name is Joel Brooks

Something funny just happened - I was Googling a site called "Hey It's That Guy", and one of the results was a book that was written by Tara Ariano, a co-founder of TWOP and this here site!

At any rate, I remember Joel Brooks from a sitcom called "Teachers Only", that was on for a couple of seasons in the early eighties and starred the late Lynn Redgrave.

[peach]

Hey, peeps!  Just a quick note to say I've been INSANELY busy lately.  I'm now so far behind on my laundry that I will be catching up on that as well as my recaps soon.  Gettin out the laundry soap and the soap soap.  I guess it's too much to hope it improved since last Thursday?

[glowlights]

Hey, peeps!  Just a quick note to say I've been INSANELY busy lately.  I'm now so far behind on my laundry that I will be catching up on that as well as my recaps soon.  Gettin out the laundry soap and the soap soap.  I guess it's too much to hope it improved since last Thursday?

 

Yes, peach, it is way too much to hope. Your recaps are the only worthwhile thing about it. (Good luck with the laundry! Remember to separate the darks.)

[peach]

Fri, Aug 1, 2014

 

Faith is playing wedding dress-up and puts Nick on the spot about marrying Mommy.  He does his best with a wishy washy answer, but she totally calls him out on being scared to get married again.  Faith is probably the smartest Newman at present.

 

Chelsea Newman’s apologizing for finding out Stitch killed someone and she kept Billy out of the loop, because…she likes being with him!  The guy who also killed someone, as in her husband, and kept, well, everyone out of the loop.  Billy smug smiles, like, well, of course she does.  Chelsea loves “fixing his back,” and this news about Stitch would put him back with Victoria.  She fast talks about how she doesn’t just want to NOT be alone, she wants to be WITH him.  Gosh, he feels the same way!  It’s so awesome how they can spend time together and not judge each other for all the horrible things they do to people.  Like that drug rape?  Yeah, like that!  Aww, they’re so [gross] cute together.  BUT…Billy still loves and misses Victoria.  “So now what?” asks Chelsea.  How do they keep doing “this thing” when they both have other people in their hearts?

 

Kelly’s very bummed out that after Jack professed his love and they did it and everything, she finds him staring at Phyllis’s perfume and feeling guilty.  Deep down he thinks this is wrong, doesn’t he?

 

Jill and Colin are boring.

 

Michael wants to know why Harding is arresting Kevin.  How about because Mr. Sticky Fingers stole the chief of surgery’s ID badge and committed felony stuff with it.  Michael looks at Kevin like that’s something he would probably do.

 

Stitch is pleading his case with anguished Victoria.  She’s like, you killed your own father!  I don’t know you!  What else is there to say, what is she supposed to do?  He holds her hand and says, “Trust me.”  She says, “Are you insane?!”  He wants her to just..trust.  Trust their feelings, that she can have faith in him, feel safe with him.  This approach is not working.  HOW is she supposed to do that now?

 

Stitch says what happened with his father is because he was a mean drunk who made a lot of people miserable.  If you know one of those, you probably aren’t as upset as Victoria right now.  She’s like, oh, “what happened with” his father?  That’s how sociopaths speak!  She ought to know, she was raised by one.  They argue about what Stitch’s options were, particularly NOT killing someone.  But he loves her blah blah, trust.  She says he’s still not trusting HER and telling her everything.  Dr. Shelby calls.  She snarks that he must have a life to save.  Yeah, bust him for that, Vicky.  Doc Bart wants to see him at the club.  NOW.

 

Harding is pretty happy about finding the ID in Kevin’s desk.  Michael says it’s illegal search and seizure.  Snort!  Harding disagrees, obviously, since he had every reason to look in the police station’s desk.  Kevin says Harding couldn’t find his own ass with a map. Harding reminds Kevin how he couldn’t be bothered to look into the stolen badge case which adds obstruction.  Michael’s like, why are you so invested in this?  Um…it’s his job??  Kevin whines that this is what Harding does all the time. Right, his job.  Which he is loving right now, because Kevin is screwed, and is going to “look adorable in that orange jumpsuit.”  Michael needs to speak to his idiot client alone.  Harding is really growing on me.

 

Billy says he and Chelsea are both kind of screwed when it comes to who they love.  But the thing is, Adam’s dead, since he killed him, and Vicky is very alive, so he still has a shot.  So Billy’s ruining your life twice over, Chels.  She agrees that he has to go for it, so this friends with benefits thing has to end.  No more benefits, and really, no more friends either.  No more anything.  She gives him the file from Kevin, that he’s about to go to jail for, and says whatever he does with it is his business now.

 

Jack insists to Kelly that this is love, this is good and strong.  She’s like, if he’s still really emotionally connected to Phyllis, she needs to know.  Blah blah connection blah, love.  It’s been magical ever since he saw her drink in the music in the park, etc, etc.  And it could be so much more.  She says but we’re not there yet, are we?  No, we’re not, he says.

 

Coma doc is checking on the Red Menace, and is putting headphones on her.  He says her fiancé feels music might be a way to bring her back, so maybe she can prove him right.  Seems like a year is a long time to wait to try that.

 

Jill loves that her desire to hurt Colin is what made all their dreams come true.  He loves it, too.  He bought them tickets to the West Indies for a honeymoon, and they’re leaving this minute.  Hilary would be so jealous. Jill will just buy everything they need when they get there.  She also thinks they should fly in a private jet instead.  “How To Lose 18 Million Dollars Quick,” by someone who should know better. 

 

Michael tells Kevin he thought he was holding it together better than this.  Kevin’s like who says he isn’t.  Michael lists his stupid crimes, and Kevin says he can’t go to jail.  Michael knows this, and says Kevin sure has an odd way of going about it.  Well, he was doing someone a favor.  Michael says taking someone to the airport is a favor, not committing a crime.  How can someone with a rap sheet like his do something so stupid? 

 

I guess Billy and Chelsea are still going to be friends long enough for Captain Obvious to read Stitch’s criminally obtained file.  Stitch said he’s never been convicted of a felony!  That’s a crime!  At the least he could lose his medical license.  Chelsea says if he has half a brain, he’ll leave town.

 

Nick and Faith have a tea party, and Nick explains he and Mommy are happy enough as is.  Faith’s main concern is that she wants to be a maid of honor.  Victoria stops by.  She tells Faith sometimes make believe is better than the real thing.  Faith makes awkward comments about Uncle Billy being a dad.

 

Faith goes upstairs and Nick and Vicky grimace about how difficult it is to hide their trashy lifestyle from kids these days.  She tells him she didn’t go through with the paternity test.  Nick’s like, um, this baby has a father whoever it is.  She insists that because she wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant, this baby is HER miracle, so why can’t that just be enough? Knowing who the father is just ties her to someone she doesn’t trust either way, and she doesn’t want that for this baby or for HER.  Nick’s like, hey, you deserve it all, so forget those guys.  Fathers, who needs’em?

 

Stitch meets Doc Bart at the club, fearing the worst.  But Barton tells him congratulations instead.

 

Jill excuses herself and the waiter brings champagne to Colin…only it isn’t the waiter!  It’s the bad guy, and he drops the stupid necklace in Colin’s glass.  It’s a fake, he says.  Colin plays dumb, saying Katherine Chancellor had more money than God, she wouldn’t mess around with a glass bauble.  Whatever, Colin has 24 hours to pay his debt or they go after his wife.

 

Jack tells Kelly they can’t go forward the way things are now, it would be wrong.  She’s getting a little aggravated with his back and forth bullshit.  Slow your roll, Kelly, Jack says they can get through this difficult situation.  But he still gets that rush of hope when the phone rings.  Wait, but now it’s dread, too.  It’s both.  Omg, Kelly, leave.  Jack’s one of those guys that when YOU said you didn’t want to be with him, he cried he loved you, and took you to bed, and an hour later, now he’s “confused.”  Bleh.  Wait, now he says it’s time for him to completely let go of the past.

 

Kevin’s dissembling and saying the cops want him to hack all the time to help them out, just not to tell them about it.  So how’s it different if he’s helping a friend?  Um, your friend’s not a cop?  And not much of a friend?  Michael says it’s different because he STOLE the ID badge, etc.  Kevin insists it was for the public interest to expose Stitch as a killer and a liar.  Michael mocks this.  He says this is Kevin scratching an itch because Chloe’s gone and he’s depressed.  Hacking and stealing is his drug.  Kevin says Ben Rayburn is going to get what he deserves, even though there’s no reason on earth for Kevin to care about that.

 

Doc Bart is telling Stitch how great the hospital board thinks he is because of his excellent skills AND character.  That’s hard to find.  Stitch stammers a lot about how not special he is, and Doc Bart says modesty doesn’t save lives.  Boldness does, courage, respect for life.  The chief resident job is his, so it’s time to celebrate.  Stitch is conflicted.

 

Nick offers to tell Billy and Stitch to beat it.  She laughs because she’s the oldest and doesn’t need his protection.  They sibling bond.  Faith brings Vicky some baby things.  She’s sure the baby will be a girl because Delia would want a sister now.  So I guess it’s a girl.

 

Billy’s still at Chelsea’s.  He thanks her for the file.  She says no more games.  Blah blah repeat conversation.  She says Victoria will probably never spend time with Stitch again.  Billy asks her about Adam, after everything he’d done, would she still take him back?  Pretty much.  He says well, you can’t control who you love.  She agrees and asks him what he’s still doing there?  Why isn’t he on his way to Victoria’s right now?

 

Jill’s back.  She talks about committing fraud to take the target off his back and that’s true love.  Well, the fraud part was about getting herself some money, as I recall.  He’s like, let’s get on that flight!!

 

Suddenly, Billy doesn’t know what to do with that file.  He says knowing Stitch is a murderer should be enough for Victoria.  This feels like overkill.  Chelsea says ammunition is ammunition.  Blah blah. Billy tells her she’s not some consolation prize.  How they met was insane, sure, but now she’s an amazing woman in his corner.  She doesn’t see him as some jerk.  Guys love that.  She says he’s not a jerk, and she wants him to be happy.  And it’s time for him to go.  He kisses her on the cheek and leaves.

 

Kevin says Dr. Rayburn doesn’t deserve a great job, a beautiful girlfriend and possibly a baby on the way.  Ohhh.  Michael says they’ve all talked about what Billy lost, what Chloe lost…but what about what Kevin lost?  He loved Delia.  He lost her, and then Chloe because of it, and all that energy spent on saving her.  So now he’s just going to lose himself?  Bitter and making bad choices was Kevin five years ago, not now.  Michael wants Kevin to “come back” to them.  Kevin says he needs a lawyer not a shrink. 

 

Harding comes bouncing in to take Kevin to get a new mugshot for his collection.  Michael says Harding’s always had it in for Kevin and maybe he planted evidence.  Harding’s like GMAB.  Chief Williams keeps Kevin around for a pet, but he’s not there right now, so Harding’s putting this mutt in a cage.  Kevin freaks out, but Michael promises to get him released.  Geez, they let Austin roam the streets, it should be easy to get Kevin out.

 

Kelly asks how Jack proposes to let the past go?  He says that’s the question that keeps him awake at night.  He says he thinks he doesn’t have a choice.  He thinks he has to leave Kelly.  Well…just to go see Phyllis and break up with her.  He can’t pretend she just doesn’t exist, he has to tell her.  And the only safe way to break up with Phyllis is when she’s unconscious.  They hug.

 

Coma doc tells himself Phyllis has no brain activity so pending family approval, she’s a candidate for the magic medicine trial.

 

Kevin’s whining about going into a cell.  Michael says that’s what happens when you leave evidence in your desk drawer, but he’ll get him arraigned ASAP.  Also, he wants him to stop giving himself permission to screw up.  Well, Kevin would do it all again, because Stitch doesn’t deserve a free pass like Billy does, and Chelsea’s his last connection to Chloe so he’s willing to jack up his own life for her.

 

Chelsea’s bragging to Connor about how she did a crazy thing and put other people first, by destroying some other dude’s life.  She’s really unselfish now.  Then she says “Yay” in a very sad little voice.

 

Nick comforts Victoria some more.  She admits that this baby could make Billy happy again.  Nick doesn’t care about Billy, which makes one person in GC, he just wants Victoria to be happy.  She wishes she knew how to get there.

 

Doc Bart toasts Stitch, Memorial’s new chief resident, and the best damn decision this hospital’s ever made.  Man, Doc Bart is REALLY into Stitch.  Stitch can’t take it anymore.  “Sir, there’s something you should know.”  Of course, just then, Billy walks up with the file.  “Would you mind if I join you?”  Stitch glares.

Edited August 6, 2014 by peach

[Joimiaroxeu]

Faith goes upstairs and Nick and Vicky grimace about how difficult it is to hide their trashy lifestyle from kids these days. 

LOL. I used to say that the Baldwins were the most ratchet family in GC but between Nikki, Nick, and Victoria, I think the Newmans are reclaiming the crown!

 

And the only safe way to break up with Phyllis is when she’s unconscious.

I keep saying Jack should just send her a text message. That's the way all the cool kids are breaking up now. No muss, no fuss.

[peach]

Mon, Aug 4, 2014

 

Victoria complains to Nick about her rich sister problems, but she’s glad to know he has her back.  Mariah pops in.  Nick introduces her, but it’s kind of obvious who she is.  Mariah asks if Victoria wants to see her Cassie impression, which is kind of…bold.  Vicky says, “Don’t insult my niece by comparing yourself to her.”

 

Ian shows up at Crimson Lights to tell Dylan he’s sorry.  He’s apologizing for all the harsh revelations he had to endure from NIKKI, all those words of rejection from his own mother.  He rubs this in for a while.  He gets a text that the judge’s ruling is in, and now they’ll see who the real liar is.

 

Nikki’s panicking on the phone with Michael about how long the judge took to make a decision.  Michael’s very noncommittal, probably because he has to deal with Kevin right now, but says if Nikki loses, they’ll fight it.  Nikki stares at a liquor bottle and says she doesn’t know how much fight she’s got left.  Maybe stop hanging around the bar.

 

Kevin gets excited because he thinks Michael’s going to court to free him, but it turns out it’s just Nikki and her case.  “What about me and my case?” he whines.  Yes, the world will stop turning on a dime because you’re stupid, Kevin.  Forget these dockets and paying customers.  He says, “You know how I am, I cannot spend another minute in that cell.”  THEN STOP COMMITTING CRIMES.

 

Victor meets Nikki to go to court.  They hear a commotion at Stitch’s table.  “I don’t appreciate your rude interruption!” spits Dr. Barton Shelby at Billy.  He’s having a moment with the best damn thing that ever happened to Memorial Hospital, Billy, so step off!  Billy doesn’t think Stitch is getting any promotion today.  He asks Victor and Nikki to come listen to the news about the guy Victor’s pushing on his daughter.  Stitch is like, Billy, is this really how you want to do this?  What do you possibly have to gain?  Victor wants to know what’s going on here.  So does Dr. Barton Shelby!  Stitch grabs the file from Billy’s hand, and gives it to Doc Bart himself!  This is what he wanted Doc Bart to know.

 

Victoria finds Mariah and what she did repulsive.  Mariah’s like, yo, it was YOUR DAD’S idea.  Well, yeah, but so what?  That’s totally different.  Nick says they’re giving Mariah a chance now.  They get the text that Nikki’s case is being settled.  Mariah offers to take care of Faith so Nick can go to the courthouse.  Vicky can’t believe anyone would trust that little girl with her, even though they trust all their children with Victor who hired her.

 

Ian tells Dylan when he wins the case, he wants to share the money with him, since they’re both Nikki’s victims.  Dylan says it will be a cold day in hell before he takes a dime from him.
Kevin whines that Michael can’t leave him to go do his job properly.  Blah blah, life is unfair.  Michael says he’s calling reinforcements.

 

First, Dr. Barton Shelby wants to know how Billy Abbott got confidential personnel files. “Oh, that’s not important right now.”  LMAO.  Kevin thinks it’s important right now, but I guess why would Billy care about that?  My son just happened by, and asked me why is Kevin helping them again?  Because they say so, son.  Victor says Billy is just trying to tarnish a good man’s name and not to listen to him.  No, Stitch is going to come clean.  He tells them he’s not who he says he is.  He took someone else’s identity.  Billy says to skip to the good part when he killed his own dad.  Collective gasp!  Even Nikki thinks there must be extenuating circumstances, but Victor wants to take her away from all this and back to her own messed up drama.  Dr. Shelby says he’ll have to investigate, but Stitch says that’s okay, he’ll go ahead and resign.

 

Kevin begs Harding to give him a break and at least keep him out of a tiny cell.  Guess you shouldn’t have insulted him so much.  Harding tells him he’s not getting any special treatment.  They start to haul him away but Gloria comes strutting in looking all fly and says not to worry, Mummy’s here!  Michael called, and she could just strangle that Chloe for dumping him and driving him back to a life of crime.  She asks who’s in charge, and then starts to apply her charms to Harding.  Kevin grosses out.

 

Billy offers to help Stitch clean out his locker.  Dr. Shelby is looking at the file.  Stitch knows how bad this all looks, but he swears that his past has never interfered with his practice of medicine.  It’s more than a job to Stitch…it’s what he lives for.  He just wants to save lives.  Billy looks sheepish for maybe one second.  Blah blah, then Doc Bart gets all huffy and there’s more blah blah about Stitch’s deceit. He says there will probably be legal ramifications as well, and storms out.  Hell hath no fury like a Dr Shelby scorned.  Maybe Leslie will have a talk with him.

 

Victor helps Nikki into the court room.  Dylan comes in with Michael.  The press is being annoying outside because Ian tipped them off.  Victor promises that no matter what the judge decides, there is no way Ian Ward is going to beat them.  Paul’s not coming because Christine took him away for some R&R, possibly bound and gagged.  Nick and Victoria show up.  Nikki’s worried about Vicky because of Stitch, but yo, she has her brothers backing her up.  She says let’s just concentrate on defeating Ian.  Speak of the devil, in he walks with an evil grin.

 

Gloria tells Harding that Alex was hopelessly smitten with her and left town because he couldn’t have her.  Harding looks like he thinks she might be insane.  But he keeps listening to her go on and on about Kevin’s amazing investigative talents, and Harding's big and strongness, etc, until Kevin wonders aloud if a holding cell might be better.

 

Mariah’s playing games with Faith, trying to pump her for info on Nick’s favorite things, which are basically peach pie and sports.  Shocker.  Faith surmises again that Daddy is scared to marry Mommy.  Mariah finds that quite interesting, especially since she has the crazy lipstick on.  She says maybe she can help her dad out.

 

Everyone bickers with Ian in the courtroom until Victor says, “Let’s not engage with this pathetic scoundrel any longer.”  Ian threatens to sue them yet again for that.  The judge comes in.    He’s a big, fat misogynistic bastard who says the most disturbing thing about this case is that a mother robbed a son of his father.  Except for that father, Terry McAvoy who sounds pretty awesome.  Ian grins his worst Leland Palmer grin that still scares me to this day.

 

Stitch asks Billy if he’s just made up his mind that he’s some cold-blooded killer? Billy drinks scotch and says you can’t argue with the facts.  Whatever happened to Billy’s gun, btw?  Did he pitch it or is it at home?  Anyway, Stitch tells Billy he was just a kid when all that bad stuff happened and he was good to Victoria and always would have been.  Billy’s like you’re not getting a medal of approval.  Stitch says Billy tanked his entire life, and why?  To get Victoria back when he lost her due to his own actions.

 

Billy says let’s look at your actions!  Stitch is like LET’S!  How about all the lives I’ve saved, like people in your own family! Like YOU!  After that car crash that left some other dude dead.  And when Summer took that Viva Surge?  Omg, I forgot about all that.  These people really are jerks.  But Billy doesn’t care, he doesn’t want a convicted murderer around his son. 

 

Stitch brings out the big guns.  He tells Billy about that night, last year, when they brought that little girl in after a car accident, and how he stayed all night and worked so hard, so all the best doctors and nurses could work on that little girl.  Billy starts losing it and crying.  And when Stitch found out she didn’t make it, it went into a room and broke down and cried.  That’s the kind of doctor he is.  Or was, he says.  He walks away, and selfish, useless Billy wipes the tears from his face.

 

Judge Bastard says being a young, naïve rape victim is no excuse for not informing all the dudes what was up, including her rapist.  But he doesn’t like Ian, either, who has no naivete to use as an excuse.  He nags him for a while about cheating on his wife, plus he already said he was infertile in another court of law.  So the plaintiff acted unethically.  He dismisses the case with prejudice, which means it can’t be brought again.  But he scolds Nikki one more time for good measure, in case she thinks she won or something.  Nonetheless, it’s over, and Nikki did win!  Hugs all around, and Michael has to get back to his other client.

 

Ian wants to go another round, but his lawyer tells him it’s over.  Dylan and Nikki hug and blah blah.  He’s happy for her.  Victor wants everyone to go celebrate, but Nikki has to go to the hospital for a meeting. Victoria offers to go with her.  First she has to go tell Ian that he didn’t beat her.  He lost.  She leaves, and Nick, Dylan, and Victor discuss what might be next with Ian.  “Who the hell knows what that SOB is up to now.”  Victor turns and WINKS at Ian, which is kind of great.

 

Gloria’s practically groping Harding until he hides in Paul’s office.  This has distracted him long enough for Michael to get back to the station.  Michael and Gloria cackle at her outrageous antics while Kevin is still skeeved out, until he figures out it was all just to buy time.  Harding comes out and is grumpy now because the DA doesn’t want to pursue a case against Kevin.  I don’t think Dr. Barton Shelby is going to appreciate that.  Gloria gloats and they leave.

 

Victoria explains how she’s not getting the paternity test.  Nikki’s like, um, I just got chastised in court for not identifying my baby’s father.  Victoria says her situation is different because she’s a special snowflake and one of Dylan’s fathers wasn’t a convicted murderer.  So Stitch is worse than Ian Ward now?  Nikki doesn’t think so.  She says at least Stitch is likable!  And doesn't run a cult and rape young girls.

 

Victoria whines about her poor baby and what kind of father did she give him?  Again Nikki thinks her whole Dylan ordeal should show Victoria that it really kind of matters knowing who the father is.  But of course she’ll stand by her no matter what she does because that’s kind of a thing now.  Then Nikki sneaks off somewhere down the hallway behind Vicky’s back.  Stitch comes out of the elevator with a sad little box of his things.  They stare at each other.

 

Nick gets home, and Mariah informs him she’s making dinner for the family.  Nick’s impressed.  He tells her Ian’s lawsuit was thrown out completely.  That throws her off for a split second, but then says Congrats! And throws her arms around Nick for a big hug.  He’s like, uh, yeah, okaaay.  He thinks she should be upset about Ian, but she’s like, nah, he’ll bounce back.  She’s happy for NICK.  He says, well, justice WAS done.  He smells… peach pie!  It’s his favorite!  What a coincidence!  It’s Mariah’s favorite too!  Nick smiles but looks a little nervous.

 

Dylan runs into Billy at the club.  He wants to make sure Dylan knows he was RIGHT and Stitch is a murderer.  He can get proof from Stitch’s secret sister, Kelly.  Dylan doesn’t really want to talk about it, and Billy sneers/asks if he’s standing by his rotten friend, on his side?  No, says Dylan, but he’s not on Billy’s side either.  What, so you’re neutral, asks Billy.  No, he’s standing on the only side that counts:  Victoria’s side, and the baby’s.  Billy pouts.  I guess nobody's going to high five him for ruining Stitch.

 

Stitch explains that he’s done at the hospital.  Victoria acts SURPRISED.  What, this is a problem?  He tells her there’s no way he can practice medicine now.  He doesn’t know what’s going to happen until his case goes before the hospital board.  She says she can’t help but feel like he’s holding something back, but maybe that’s just her wishing she wasn’t wrong about him.  He says he’s made his choices and he’s gotta live with them.  He walks away.  Vicky looks sad.

 

Ian’s leaving the court room and Victor asks if he may have a word with him.  “Don’t you ever…make the mistake..of coming after my family again,” he throaty whispers.

 

Nikki’s meeting is an AA meeting.  Good for her.  Nikki tells the AA group about how she sat in the bar and stared at liquor and almost ordered a drink.  Etc.  She thinks things have worked out so she won’t be tempted again.  A really heavy anvil drops.

 

Ian’s lawyer apologizes for losing the case.  Ian says all is not lost.  He says he has one last weapon left in his arsenal.  One they will never see coming.

[LeftPhalange]

 

Faith is probably the smartest Newman at present.

 

That's not saying much. 

[Petunia13]

Hey, peeps! Just a quick note to say I've been INSANELY busy lately. I'm now so far behind on my laundry that I will be catching up on that as well as my recaps soon. Gettin out the laundry soap and the soap soap. I guess it's too much to hope it improved since last Thursday?

I'll send Esther over to help!

[peach]

Tue, Aug 5, 2014  What Does That Even Mean?

 

It’s a Winters day.  Lily is in a skin tight, skimpy, GCRB dress for like, work, in the morning.  She questions Devon as to why the rooftop deck is closed!  Is it for a party or something?  It is, it is for Devon’s private party which is a date with Abby.  Hilary overhears and looks like someone just stole her parking space at the mall.

 

Neil runs into Cane in the park and tells him he bought the lake property.  He’s got an architect and is fixing it all up special, which is every woman’s dream, to have someone else plan out her home without her input.  Cane’s like, whatever, he has stuff to do.  Neil’s like hold up, Cane’s been nothing but opinionated and now he has NOTHING to say?  How suspicious.

 

Ugh, it’s a Summer day, too.  Summer and Austin are  hanging out in the Barbie townhouse, and she’s pouting because she doesn’t know where he is every second of the day.  He was out getting breakfast groceries, because God knows Summer probably can’t make a PopTart, and also he had something else important to take care of.

 

Mariah’s new trick is to run around the house in a tiny tank top and shorts with her laundry basket, because golly gee, she didn’t know Nick was home!!  But Sharon comes home a day early!  She’s like what’s this about?  See above.  Sharon’s like, hey, why don’t you just take clothes out of MY closet.  And after that, I’ll buy you a new outfit!  There’s nothing she doesn’t want to give Mariah because she remembers being young and poor.  So now Sharon’s going to HELP Mariah Single White Female her.  And also, she can help her go over those memories.  Hmm, Mariah’s thought about that and thinks there’s really nothing else she can tell her. She flashes a look at Nick, like look how loyal I am to you.

 

Mariah goes off to change, and Sharon tells Nick it was good to focus on work, and he’s right, she’s been pushing herself too hard to remember.  Everything they have is wonderful and perfect now anyway.  They kiss, and Mariah spies from around the corner.

 

Austin’s brought Summer’s honeymoon to her.  It’s Hawaii in a bag!  Which is STILL more than Hilary got.  Maybe Austin reminds me of Oscar Goldman? Is that it?  They pretend they’re in Hawaii like dorks, and he hugs her while looking worried.  And he kinda looks like he has makeup on, but he’s going to give her a massage, so who cares?

 

Neil insists that Cane not saying anything IS saying something.  Cane’s like, well, you don’t listen to me, so why would you listen to me now?  Blah blah he doesn’t know Hilary, etc.  Cane’s like hey, maybe it just might work.  Neil’s like…”Maybe…it just might work?”  How underwhelming.  What exactly is Cane saying to him?  Geez, Neil, do you need Cane to draw you a picture?  Also, Cane finally got a haircut and it looks much better.

 

Abby shows up for the no pressure date with Devon.  He says he has a surprise for her, and she bubbles that she LOVES surprises.  “I know you do,” smiles Devon, and they head for the stairs, but he gives Hilary a sharp look before leaving.  Hilary narrows her eyes.  Call me crazy, but Abby and Devon were really cute together.

 

Lily confronts Hilary for even being there, but she’s meeting Neil and Sharon, downstairs so she doesn’t get pushed in the pool.  Lily says it doesn’t matter because DEVON has closed the whole rooftop for his date with ABBY.  Now if she can only find a new woman for her dad.  SHUT UP, say Hilary and throws her drink on Lily.  Lily’s shocked!

 

Devon pours the champagne for Abby.  She’s enjoying it. 

 

Cane says he’s tired of all this crap already, especially being stuck between his wife and Neil’s.  Neil says okay, he doesn’t know Hilary that well, but does understand her when other people can’t.  “What does that even mean?” asks Cane.  LOL.   Blah blah, sometimes she withdraws because of being a child of an alcoholic, and not because she’s making out with Devon or anything.  She puts up walls, and he’s going to help her take down those walls with this house and making her feel safe.  Etc. “Well, in that case, my friend, I hope this marriage turns out to be everything you want.”  He leaves.

 

Lily says Hilary is such a bitch.  Hilary says nobody would blame her.  She doesn’t back down and lets Lily have it.  Lily runs off to the invisible boutique for a new dress, thank God.  She runs into Mariah.  She wrinkles up her nose and says Mariah looks so much like Cassie that it just freaks her out.  “It’s just so…wrong.”

 

Nick tells Sharon she should keep a little emotional distance from their houseguest.  And perhaps financial distance, and not give her cash for clothes when Mariah’s supposed to be paying SHARON.  Yeah but she cooks and cleans and makes peach pie.  Still, Nick’s worried that Ian is slithering around and might use Mariah somehow.  Sharon doesn’t think she’ll turn on them at this point.

 

Austin’s trying too hard with Hawaii Day, and Summer gets the feeling he’s not telling her something.  Okay, okay, his trial date’s been set.  It’s next week.  Oh Em Gee!  I guess they don’t want to put that set away.  Nooo, whines Summer.  She thought they had a month or so.  It’s not right, says Summer, Leslie has to push the date back.  Unbelievably, the police and the courts really don’t care if Summer doesn’t like it.  “This is really it,” says Summer.  “They’re really going to try to take you away from me.”

 

Lily’s on a roll today.  “I’m Lily Ashby, and Abby Newman’s a very good friend of mine.”  Well, la-dee-da.  Good for you, says Mariah.  Abby told Lily all about Mariah.  She’s like that doesn’t need to be staring at me like you’ve seen a ghost.  Well, Lily and Cassie were really good friends!  And she was a good kid, yeah, yeah, says Mariah, she’s heard all about Saint Cassie.  Lily gives an impassioned speech about how much everyone loved her, and that she was the last person to see her before she got in that car with Daniel.  And that her death hurt everyone terribly and sent their lives in different directions.  She does not understand how Nick and Sharon can have her around.

 

Nick tells Sharon that Faith is still kind of obsessed about them getting married, but he explained that if you love each other you don’t have to be married. Let’s see if he says that when it’s Faith they’re talking about.  Also, Nick is kind of on Team Faith and still wants to marry Sharon if she will.  Not yet.

 

Summer wants to go on the run again with Austin.  He’s like, um, we tried that.  She’s like, yeah, with no plan like a couple of kids.  They’re two weeks older and wiser now and married, so they can do it right this time.  She says she doesn’t like how reality is seeping into their fantasy, so let’s take this fantasy on the road to Mexico.   They can have a beach café.  Or a dive shop.  It’ll be just like The Bourne Identity!  He says the adult thing to do is go to trial and take responsibility for what he did.  Summer pouts.

 

Nick goes to work and thanks Mariah for not helping Sharon with her memories before she’s ready.  She shows off her little black dress she bought with Sharon’s money.  Nick wants her to wear the t-shirt.  Mariah thinks the dress will get her more tips, but Nick says service gets tips.  She doesn’t need to use her body when there’s so much more to her than that.

 

Devon and Abby are yukking it up on their date.  This seems a lot more fun than hanging out with Hilary.  Abby says it didn’t have to be so fancy, even though she clearly loves it.  He thinks their next date should step it up a notch and they should go to Miami.  It’s too hot in Miami, so they’ll go to New York, maybe hit the US Open.  Abby deflates.

 

Sharon meets Hilary at the club.  Hilary says married life is, um, the best.  Neil’s the best.  She’s so lucky and her life is pretty perfect.  Sharon looks at her and says, “Liar.”

 

Devon asks what he said wrong.  Abby says it’s nothing, she’s just a terrible first date.  He says she can shed a few tears with him by now, right?  Well, Tyler had gotten them tickets to the US Open, and it’s tough getting over him.  She thinks Devon’s trying to get over Esmerelda but realizes now it’s someone else.

 

Sharon says she knows Hilary and Neil took a lot of flak for their relationship, so things have to be hard for them.  And no marriage is ever perfect.  But she and Neil are good together.  Hilary asks why it is that Sharon and Nick haven’t remarried.  But Neil interrupts.  Hilary wonders what Neil is up to, but it’s a surprise.  She says just don’t go overboard because she doesn’t deserve it.

 

Lily starts yapping nonstop at Cane about the witch Hilary and how she threw a drink on her yadayadayada.  Cane is like, omg, it never ends.  He tells Lily he does NOT want to HEAR IT.  She is stunned.

 

Summer whines.  Austin wants to live in the moment until the trial starts.  Create the best, happiest memories two people ever had.  Instead, he'll have to do it with Summer.  Summer whimpers that she wants that too.  They kiss.

 

Someone calls Mariah.  She asks the person to try to get money out of Ian, she can’t help her.  She has her own debt to pay.  Then she says, “Why did you have me if you didn’t want me, Mom?!” and hangs up.  Nick hears.  HEY!  You told Sharon your mother was DEAD.

 

Austin and Summer did it pretty quick, they’re cuddling under the blankets on the couch.  She wants to go to Hawaii after all whenever they can, even if it’s after prison.  He’s like, okay, baby.

 

Now Lily is pissed at Cane in addition to Hilary and Mariah.  He begs her to shut up about it.  She rapidly goes off some more about it anyway.  He tells her if she doesn’t back off she’s going to hurt Neil worse, and then she’ll be sorry.  They have their OWN marriage to worry about, and kids and business.  She might love all this drama, but he doesn’t. He walks off.  #TeamCane

 

Devon admits he fell for some other woman really hard who is married.  He’s trying really hard to move on and start over.  She commends him because getting involved in a marriage is always a disaster.

 

Neil promises Hilary’s going to love this secret.  He says some secrets are worth holding onto.  Hilary and Sharon both consider this.

 

Nick is PISSED at Mariah.  How cold, he says.  Did you think you’d get more sympathy from Sharon as a poor orphan?    So much for building trust.  She swears that her mother abandoned her and left her with Ian, just like she said.  Helen Copeland NEVER loved Mariah, or anyone but herself.  Cassie starts crying and says Nick can believe whatever he wants about her, but when she said her mother died a long time ago, it’s because she IS dead to HER!  She runs away, and Nick looks upset.  It’s a good scene.

[Joimiaroxeu]

She says just don’t go overboard because she doesn’t deserve it.

Yeah, I wonder if she's going to be saying that when Devon starts making his billions rain on her.

 

#TeamCane

Who'd've thought, right? It'll come back to bite him though when Lily and Neil realize that Cane knew about Hilary and Devon and didn't say anything. I can hear Lily shrieking already. Heck, dingos in Australia can probably hear her when she starts up with her crap.

Edited August 7, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[Petunia13]

I was kidding about Esther. She's more incompetent and annoying than Amelia Bedelia and totally bites her style.

Peach were you offended that Nick likes eating you?

[peach]

Nope.  Peach is the best.  ;D

[peacheslatour]

Nope.  Peach is the best.  ;D

Sing it Sister!

[peach]

Ah ooo, werewolves of London...

 

You read my mind!

[radishcake]

Yay @peach! Good to see you back in fine form! 

[peach]

Wed, Aug 6, 2014   I Just Can’t With These People

 

Maybe it’s due to doing a marathon of three recaps yesterday, I don’t know, but Wednesday’s show was such a big box of yuck that I can’t bring myself to say more than a few things about it.  Here are the “highlights.”  As if.

 

~ Billy puts the ug in smug while pressuring Victoria hard to be a family again when they meet in the park to exchange Johnny.  Relentless pressure = love on this show.  She chastises him for going so far as ruining Stitch’s entire career and such, but Billy says he wasn’t trying to punish Stitch, he was just doing it all for Victoria because Billy’s selfless like that. Then he uses Johnny as guilt bait to hang out with him.  Vicky is resistant but does let him kiss her once and agrees to get ice cream.

 

Then Stitch comes jogging by and ruins Billy’s moment.  They have an insufferable conversation where Billy repeatedly says Stitch is a lying murderer, and I’m just losing the energy to point out the obvious anymore, that Billy is a lying murderer of Victoria’s own brother.   Victoria has had enough and wants away from both of them, but before you possibly feel sorry for her, she takes Johnny BACK when she leaves, even though she’s just going to leave him with the nanny and go get a massage.  I hate Billy with the fire of a thousand suns, but it was his turn with his kid.

 

~ Mariah and Kevin bump into each other at Crimson Lights and have a brief conversation that bonds fair Genoa City’s two delusional Robin Hoods in friendship.  The rest of Kevin’s scenes are about how this unrepentant criminal who never shows up at work is the poor, pitiful victim of that unfair meanie, Detective Harding, who, like, arrests people for breaking laws and stuff, and works all his scheduled hours.  Michael and Lauren are part of this crap.  Kevin finishes by beginning to write a short story about how he is the noble lad who’s going to defeat the evil that exists as Harding.  His writing skills suck.  Much time is wasted with Michael and Lauren being romantic at home.

 

~OF NOTE:  Dr. Mead runs into VICTOR at the club bar, and he offers to buy her a drink.  She’s telling him to get lost, but Sharon runs into them and completely freaks out that Victor’s tried to get to her therapist, AND that Dr. Mead never told her about it.  Dr. Mead is FIRED!!  Sharon tells Victor to stay out of her life.  No problem, he’s messing in Phyllis’s life right now.  The doctor needs that family approval, stat, if they’re going to do the magic medicine experiment, as if time is of the essence when someone’s in a COMA.

 

~ Stitch runs into Victor and tearfully pleads that he cares about Victoria, and he never meant to hurt anyone and he really is a good guy.  Victor isn’t interested in anything except “Youhurtmyfamily,”  specifically Victoria who is the specialest snowflake that ever snowflaked.  He adores her, you know.  Like when he adoringly had her arrested on her wedding day.  He still seems to have less animosity toward Stitch than Billyboy Abbott.

 

~ Mariah is forgiven by Sharon and by association, by Nick.  Duh.

 

If I left anything out, it certainly wasn’t memorable.

[movinon]

Love Victoria being a special snowflake.  Love most everything you do - this thread is the first thing I read.

[photo fox]

Love Victoria being a special snowflake. Love most everything you do - this thread is the first thing I read.

Agreed! @peach, you're a gem.

[glowlights]

Mariah’s new trick is to run around the house in a tiny tank top and shorts with her laundry basket, because golly gee, she didn’t know Nick was home!! 

 

 

These writers/producers are having a field day with Mariah. First she was with Tyler, which was what-the-fuck. Now they're throwing her at Nick, which is what-the-yuck. i don't think they have a clue where to take this character. Maybe I just don't like the actress? Is there anything to like in these scenes?

Edited August 8, 2014 by glowlights

[LeftPhalange]

 

Deacon is on B&B, so I wonder if they're going to do a downward spiral for for Stitch and pair him up with Nikki, you know, just to honor the history of the show.

 

If Stench hooks up with Nikki maybe Victor will finally have the decency to have him shipped off to a foreign prison.

[EngradyPind]

I like Stitch.  I am really disgusted with so many people busting his ass about his father without asking WHY DID YOU DO IT?  There has to be a big, awful story there that will explain why a teenager would set fire to a shed where his father was.  Was said father abusive?  Probably.  Was said father showing his darling daughter Kelly how much he loved her?  Kelly's and Stitch's attitude toward their parents was vastly different.

I want to know why he did it.  I want major characters to save their condemnation until they know the entire story.

[peach]

Thur, Aug7, 2014

 

Nick bursts into Victor’s office.  “What is with you, Dad??” But, it’s NOT Dad.  It’s Victoria!  In a GCRB dress.

 

Hilary’s blazing through the park in a flattering seafoam green, sleeveless, plunging V-neck blouse and runs into a jogging Devon.  She angrily asks if his girlfriend knows he’s stalking his father’s wife??  Devon smirks because that is stupid.

 

Michael fell asleep on Lauren the night before.  He’s embarrassed he missed “the lingerie related activities.”  I don’t know what’s stopping them now, exactly, but he quotes some poetry instead.

 

Avery visits Dylan at Crimson Lights.  Something’s happened, but she needs his word that he’s not going to freak out about it.

 

Nikki is having a ladies breakfast with Faith at the club.  Ian Ward interrupts.  He tells Faith that life is a blessing and a gift.  He has to leave Nikki with something shameful:  a tabloid with her photo on the front, and caption that says “Secret Sex Cult Diary!”

 

Devon’s like, yo, I’m not stalking you, Hilary.  This is my park, that’s my grandma’s plaque over there.  Oh yeah, Devon, well Hilary got married there.  He remembers.  I guess she’s wearing green today because she’s insanely jealous of his hot date with THE Abby Newman.  The both obviously lie about how happy each of them are.

 

Nick is like, whoa, so you’re back at work at Newman-Chancellor??  He asks why?  Vicky says, why not?  “Seriously?” asks Nick.  “Why not?”  Well, gosh, Victoria isn’t going to concentrate on Dad’s sins, Nick. She’s got Billy’s and Stitch’s garbage to worry about plus growing a baby.  And she saw Daddy at the club who reminded her of her special snowflake status so she’s back at work, while he’s out of town [meddling with Phyllis] on business.  “Someone’s got to be in charge.”  I’m sure all the VP’s are happy that it’s Special Snowflake who hasn’t been there in a year.   She’s even contacted some department heads, you guys.  And now she doesn’t have to obsess about the father of her baby, because that’s what Newman-Chancellor’s for.  She tells Nick he’s just going to have to deal with it.  He says if she’s the one sitting in Dad’s chair then she’s going to have to hear about the latest stunt he’s pulled.

 

Avery’s given the tabloid to Dylan.  She says it’s pretty awful, but Dylan takes a deep breath and says he’s okay.  Avery seems to want to get Dylan really upset about it. She’s got the crazy lipstick today, and says Ian’s a vile, disgusting, waste of skin.  She rants about wanting to rip his face off, and Dylan thinks it’s kind of cute.  He’s calm, but he plans on going to see Ian at the club.  Avery insists on going with him…as a partner, not a babysitter.

 

Faith asks Nikki to see the magazine.  Nikki says they don’t read trash like that.  She sends Faith to play a video game so she can confront the disgusting pig, Ian, for leaking her diary.  Ian claims he has nothing to do with it, but he reads her some excerpts about how she didn’t love Dylan.  “You bastard,” she says.

 

Michael brings Lauren breakfast in bed, with fresh flowers even. He’s still beating himself up for falling asleep on her.  Blah blah blah. She retrieves her lingerie.

 

Nick explains to Victoria how Dad tried to get dirt from Sharon’s therapist.  So she had to fire her and now find a new doctor.  What Dad has done is despicable!  Victoria shrugs.  Yeah…and…?  Nick’s like, but..there you are, in his chair. She’s like, yeah, whatever, he had me arrested on my wedding day.  They have a complicated relationship.  She takes us on a strange trip of logic about how it’s not okay that Dad is a maniacal sociopath, but you know what else isn’t okay, you guys??  That she’s involved with two men who are liars!!  There’s an obvious connection to be made here, but why bother? 

 

Anyway, the POINT is that this is all about Victoria.  Even though Dad is evil, this is the place she needs to be, not the Father Knows Best house she bought with Billy.  Nick reminds her that N-C isn’t exactly stress free.  Well, Nick is the one causing her stress by giving her a hard time right now.  Okay, he’ll back off.  She says this place used to be her lifeblood.  Nick says it used to be his, too, but even walking through the doors skeeves him out and reminds him that he’ll never get under Dad’s thumb again. Ooo, that makes Vicky mad.  She’s like what about you giving MARIAH a job and letting her into your house?  That’s different, he’s keeping her close to get into her head and follow her trail.

 

Ian’s still rubbing it in to Nikki about how awful it is for everyone to hear about how a mother couldn’t love her own child.  They argue.  He gloats about the lusty portions of her diary about the chief of police, and he finally leaves.  Nikki’s trying not to freak out, and leaves Victor a message.  She tells Faith it’s time to leave, and the paparazzi come running up to the table taking photos and asking her about giving away her love child.  Dylan and Avery come rushing in and hear Faith ask, “Grandma, you gave away Uncle Dylan??”  Where did she think her surprise uncle came from, anyway? 

 

Devon tells Hilary that he and Abby are just friends, and why doesn’t she just admit she’s glad about that.  Hilary says she wishes she COULD be happy for him to meet a beautiful woman, and they could all have dinner together. Devon’s like, that’s not gonna happen.  She drops some papers, and they do that thing for the hundredth time where their hands accidentally touch and there’s staring.  I’m on the edge of my seat.  THEIR HANDS TOUCHED!

 

Vicky’s like, how could Mariah be hiding anything at this point?  Yeah, well Nick just caught her in a huge lie, plus she’s close to Ian.  Vicky agrees that’s a problem.  He says it’s a keep your enemies close type thing.  Vicky says Mariah gives her an Adam vibe with all her little secrets and head games.  Now wait a minute, Nick says Adam was just out to destroy everything in his path, and Mariah’s not like that.  She’s just a kid who made some mistakes.  Well, Vicky thinks he should sleep with one eye open.  He says he’ll let her get back to world domination in Newman’s name, and she points out he still cashes those dividend checks.  Vicky gets a call, and pulls up the tabloid story on her computer.  They’re shocked.  “Ian’s going to break Mom once and for all,” says Victoria.

 

Faith’s still asking Nikki judgy questions, and the reporters are still making digs.  Avery tells them they are trespassing.  Dylan doesn’t have to wait for the cops and chases them out.  Faith rejects her evil, baby abandoning Grandma because she’s a Newman to the core.  Avery’s working on a cease and desist, and Nikki needs to see Michael ASAP, even though he’s kind of busy at home right now.  Dylan’s going to watch Faith, who won’t even let Nikki kiss her goodbye.

 

Avery and Dylan take Faith to the park.  She asks what a love child is, even though she seemed to know exactly what it meant when a reporter shouted it at Grandma five minutes ago.  They stammer around as if they don’t have multiple real life examples to share with her.  Dylan tells Faith that Nikki didn’t give him away, she gave him a great life, and there’s nothing to be sad about.  She’s happy that Dylan is theirs now and hugs him and says she’ll never give him away.

 

Lauren’s changed back into her lingerie, and Michael is wide awake this time.  But their doorbell is ringing nonstop.  It’s bawling Nikki who thinks it’s okay to visit her lawyer at home early in the morning, without calling, because she has a problem.  She sobs about how Ian is trying to destroy her by hurting everyone she loves.  She does apologize for bothering him.

 

Ian and his lawyer are laughing over drinks.  The lawyer tells him that leaking court documents is serious business, while laughing about it.  Ian says his hands are spotless, and if he finds the culprit, he’ll sue him, too.  The lawyer seems impressed by Ian’s game.  Ian says as far as Nikki, her lover, and their bastard child go, all they can do is watch. 

 

Hilary and Devon are still whining in the park.  It’s tough for Hilary because she has so many feelz about Devon, and thinks about him all the time.  She’s depressed because Neil’s planning a huge, romantic surprise, and she doesn’t deserve it.  Devon says that’s ridiculous because Hilary deserves the world.  She’s like, uh, NO.  She kissed her husband, and thought of DEVON.  It’s horrible, she says, horrible!  Out of all the awful things she’s done in her life, this is the worst.  Neil’s the best guy ever.  Devon finally takes some blame for pursuing her, and, hey, it’s HIS dad.  She says this is like an avalanche that’s going to pull them all under, a really boring, slow-moving avalanche of Xanax. So something needs to happen, says Devon, and it needs to happen now.  Yes, could something please happen?  Anything?

 

Avery calls Nick and explains what went down at the club.  He tells Vicky that Dylan was Super Uncle and talked Faith through it.  DYLAN IS A HERO, YOU GUYS.  Nick wants Victor to do something about Ian Ward.  “Oh, so Dad’s games are okay as long as you approve of the victim?” asks Victoria.  Yeah, they are, says Nick.  Whatever it takes to make a piece of garbage like Ian Ward go away, that’s what needs to happen.

 

Lauren comforts Nikki while Michael frantically tries to get a court order on the phone.  Avery shows up and tells Nikki that Dylan’s taking care of Faith and he’s a protector, that’s what he does. Dylan is the greatest thing ever.  Nikki wallows.  Lauren tells Nikki she understands, because of when that video of herself and Carmine got broadcast to the world, and it was unbearable.  But they bear it because they have to.  She reminds Nikki that they are scandal survivors, but Nikki still cries over making her family suffer. 

 

Michael hangs up and says the tabloid’s going to pull the story from the website and not print anything more.  But the damage has been done, cries Nikki, as if the whole world gives a single crap about her and Dylan McAvoy.  “Ian should be punished for causing all this pain!!”  Michael says they can’t prove it.  She complains a lot more.

 

Dylan gets back to Crimson Lights to find Ian there.  He says it’s brave for him to be sitting there.  Ian plays dumb about leaking the story, and goes off some more about Nikki being a liar who changed his life.  FOR THE BETTER.

 

Devon wants Hilary.  And if she wants him too, then she will meet him at a bar on the outside of town this afternoon.  And if she doesn’t, he’s gonna blow this town.  He can’t keep seeing her every day knowing she can’t be with him.  He hands her a match book with the address and says he’ll see her later.  I always bring a match book when I go jogging, in case it starts snowing and I have to build a fire to survive, like Jack London. Just kidding!  I never go jogging.

 

Victoria and Nick have joined the party at Michael’s where it is further confirmed how awesome Dylan is.  He didn’t lose it with those nasty reporters.

 

Ian is still taunting Dylan.   His theory is that Paul is the one who leaked the story to the press so he could get revenge on Nikki.  Dylan starts yelling.  Ian won’t let up until Dylan shouts, “GET OUT!!!” with veins bulging in his neck.  Ian says, good luck, son.  He leaves.  Dylan starts destroying his own coffee shop, breaking glass and furniture and whatnot.  His chopped up liver doesn’t seem to be bothering him at all.  He storms toward the camera.  Oh noes!

 

Nikki calls Victoria and Nick and they all worry about each other.  She just needs to be alone to think and tells Nick he needs to go be with Faith.  She hangs up.  She’s at the bar, y’all, and orders a vodka martini.

Edited August 10, 2014 by peach

[peach]

Fri, Aug 8, 2014  ZAP!  POW!

 

Dylan’s been trashing Crimson Lights in a rage since yesterday.  A stuffed Nemo is a lifeless victim on the floor. He’s moved into that second room to break all the stuff in there, too, because that will really show Ian.  He comes back to throw another chair at the broken bar when Avery walks in.  The stare at each other.

 

Paul’s been drinking early or something, on his R&R with Christine at the Abbott cabin.  They are being silly, which makes her happy.  She says [Nikki] the rest of the world can carry on without him for a while.  He looks worried because how could that possibly be true?

 

Nikki’s carrying on without Paul at the bar.  She reaches for her martini with a lime twist.  The music builds!

 

Billy’s in Jack’s office whining because he has to weaaar a suuuit.  Apparently Ashley is going to make a family announcement so big that there is a dress code for it.  Traci and Abby arrive.  Abby’s hair is elaborately braided Swiss Miss style.   But Ashley wasn’t on the plane!  What happened, asks Abby.  Jack sucks his lips in.  I hope it’s not Ebola.

 

Cane notices that Devon is distracted during their riveting meeting about rooftop deck hours.  Devon flashes back to asking Hilary to meet him at a bar in the afternoon using his handy matchbook.  Hilary fondles said matchbook while Neil bores her at lunch with talk of going to Tahiti.  Baby is so distracted.  Neil goes to check on their food because the GCAC has terrible service as usual.  Devon wistfully stares at Hilary from across the room and walks away.

 

Neil is back.  He wants to know if Baby can get time off in January for that Tahiti thing, because he wants to combine his business there with their honeymoon.  No working honeymoon is too good for his baby.  Gosh, January is super busy for Jabot.  Neil reminds her of that surprise that will be happening before January.  What’s life without surprises, says Neil.  Probably much less heartbreaking.

 

Evil murderer Stitch is carefully tending to a wounded skateboarder in the park.  Chelsea walks by.  The skater asks if Stitch is really a doctor.  Stitch looks at Chelsea.  “Nah, man, I just play one on TV.”  Lol, Team Stitch 4Evah.  But he loses a point for telling the kid that was a sick grind off the bench.  The kid limps off, and Stitch asks Chelsea if she’s going to report him for practicing medicine without a license.  She says she’s sorry.  “Oh, I bet you are.”  Also, her hair is wavy, which I never dig on her.

 

Ashley told Jack she would be late because she had to work more on her project before she unveiled it.  Now Abby is really curious, but Billy just wants to leave.  They all have a jolly laugh about ruining Stitch.  They chuckle about Team Abbott until Jack announces that he’s in love with Kelly.  <record scratch>  His says it’s time he let go of Phyllis.  Abby frowns, Traci looks lovingly patient, Billy’s smirky.

 

The music plays at the bar…the martini lifts…it gets closer to Nikki’s mouth.. and closer.  DEVON WALKS IN.  Omg, Nikki freaks out.  She doesn’t want Devon to catch her.  He doesn’t notice her, though.  Pretty soon probably neither one of them is going to “see” each other.

 

Neil assures Hilary he is always going to be there for her. She gets emotional. “You are so wonderful,”  she says.  Neil is so happy.  He sends her off to work because he has a surprise to plan.  “You trying to get rid of me?” she asks weakly.  “Never..ever..ever.  I love you way too much, baby.”  She says she loves him, too, and kisses him softly before she leaves to cut his heart out.  Neil tells Cane about the big mistake house, and wants him to come give his opinion about the renovations.  Cane’s not thrilled about it, but can’t deny his amazing renovations expertise and agrees to go.  Neil says this house is perfect and what he and Hilary both want. 

 

Nikki watches Devon out of the corner of her eye.  The bartender says she looks awfully familiar.  She says she must have one of those faces…those scandalous billionaire faces.  She leaves Victor another desperate message.  He can’t be reached, so she decides to call Paul.  She hates to interrupt his vacation, but not really because she has a problem.  She decides she has an even better idea, which is to go track him down, I guess.  What could go wrong?

 

Christine has turned into the gal from Misery as she forces Paul to do a jigsaw puzzle with her and refuses to allow him to discuss work.  She wants him to RELAX, Mr. Man.  Paul says he might actually be able to relax if he knew what was going on in the outside world.  She can’t help him with that, especially since she hid his cell phone.  Paul thinks it might matter if there was, like, an emergency.  Chris has it handled, she checks in and decides what’s an emergency.  She doesn’t want him to worry, because being totally controlled in a faraway cabin isn’t stressful at all.  I hope she doesn’t smash his ankles with a sledgehammer.

 

Chris says it was enough of a concession to even tell him that Ian’s lawsuit was dismissed.  Yeah. He wonders how Dylan is handling it.  O.M.G.!!  She puts her head in her hands.  WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR SON, PAUL?  Enough with having a son!  She knows he wants to be Dylan’s father, but he can’t do that if he isn’t well and she doesn’t keep him hidden away from society.  They decide to go fishing.  Maybe Paul can swim for help.

 

Dylan explains that Ian came by.  Avery thinks they had a fight, but, no, Dylan just had a fight with the coffee shop.  He complains about all the stupid crap Ian said.  Avery thinks he needs to go back to therapy, so he can get tools to handle stuff.  HE DID HANDLE IT!  He didn’t kill Ian!

 

Billy asks if Jack is really sure about this breaking up with Phyllis thing.  Hey, Jack can’t stay in limbo when he’s found the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.  Traci wants Jack to be happy.  Abby wants Jack to be happy, too, but not with the woman Billy tanked his marriage with.  She’s going to go do some work while they wait for Ashley.  Billy is not. 

 

Jack doesn’t want to hear any crap about Kelly from him.  Billy says he has no room to criticize because of his own mess, and why doesn’t Jack tell him it’s all going to get better?  Jack says because Billy makes stupid mistakes like sleeping with Chelsea that one time.  Oh, about that, says Billy, it MAY have been more than once.  Jack is like, are you TRYING to keep Victoria away from you?  Billy’s like, it’s JUST sex.  Oh, so you’re using her? asks Jack.  Wait, no, they’re just “helping each other cope.”  He swears he would never take advantage of Chelsea. He really, REALLY cares about her.  Uhh, as friends.  Jack’s like, oh, great.

 

Stitch is like, congratulations, Chelsea.  Digging up his past and destroying him in Victoria’s eyes has just paved the way for Billy to get back with her.  He hopes that’s what she wanted.  Chelsea says she doesn’t regret what she did for Billy, but she does feel an eensy bit bad about destroying his career when he’s obviously a good doctor. She would feel bad if she couldn’t do what she loves anymore.  Stitch says it would be a real shame depriving the world of another dress.  Burn.  So she snaps at him that he DESERVED IT, but also that she feels REAL COMPASSION for him.  Wow, take a pill, Chelsea. 

 

He apologizes for judging her, but he’s kind of miffed that she’s apologizing now for tearing his life apart, like it never occurred to her before what she was really doing to him… “You’re not the only person who lost something!!” she cries. Chelsea lost a boyfriend she never had, Stitch, so quit complaining about this whole waste of medical school and career or not having a friend in the entire world or maybe losing a child.  Okay??  Stitch smirks that he was right about her jonesing for Billy.

 

Avery notices a gash on Dylan’s arm and wants to take him to the hospital.  Super Dylan thinks it’s just a scratch.  Avery thinks he should at least call…who?  Stitch??  Dylan would rather bleed to death!!  Bleed the true, red blood of self-righteousness right to the last drop.  “Gasp!” says Avery.  Please don’t even say things like that.  Dylan says it will be alright.  Nothing’s been broken that can’t be fixed, except for anything Stitch did, that can never be fixed.  Dylan’s crazy ass destruction is totally fixable, though.  Avery looks very concerned.

 

Paul and Christine had so much fun fishing, except for her making him throw his big fish back because she’s a control freak.  They need groceries, and Chris says he can stay there and SHE will take care of it, because letting Paul out of captivity isn’t part of the plan.  He might be able to signal the cashier or something.  Chris went to the store through a time-space wormhole because six seconds later, Nikki is at the door.  Maybe she was just hiding in the bushes til Chris made a fatal error and left Paul alone.  “Ohhh, Paaaul,” Nikki emotes with her hand on her chest.  She’s so glad she found him.  They better make a run for it now before Christine comes back with a chainsaw.

 

Nikki whines profusely about how Ian leaked her journal to the tabloids, like he’s going to be able to do anything about it.  She wants to warn him that the reporters are going to be chasing after him now.  She’s so stupid they probably followed her up there.  She says they have to “do something” about Ian.  Wouldn’t Victor be a better candidate for “doing something” rather than the police chief who’s married to the DA who hates you?

 

Avery bandages Dylan’s arm and comforts him.  Dylan thinks it’s only human of himself to get so mad at Ian.  She says he needs to rest.  He kisses her.

 

Billy tells Jack he knows how vulnerable Chelsea is, and he’s always careful with her when he uses her for sex and then runs to Victoria.  Jack certainly hopes so.  He doesn’t compare the Kelly situation, because that was different.  Jack’s really proud of how great Billy’s handled losing Delia.  He could have done something terrible like gambled his life away or drunk himself to death, or kidnapped and murdered someone, but he didn’t.  Traci and Abby come back in and they group hug.   Okay, enough of that, Billy really needs to go…somewhere.  He leaves and heaves a deep sigh in the hallway.

 

Neil shows Cane the big mistake house.  He knows Hilary is going to love it, but for some crazy reason she doesn’t think she deserves it.  Neil knows what it is, it’s old voices from her past, not his kid chasing her skirt all over town.  Neil intends to silence those voices.  She’s going to have a lot happiness in this home whatever it takes.  Then…the power goes out.  IT’S A SIGN!!

 

Devon’s about to give up on Hilary, but she walks through the door.  They stare.  Devon looks excited.  Hilary just looks the same as she always does.

 

Abby asks Jack just how serious it is with Kelly?  Does she need to buy a black dress for the wedding?  Ha.  Abby says she went on a friends date with Devon.  Abby’s such a good friend to Devon that she blabs that he said he was in love with a married woman.  I think I’ve said this before, but remind me never to commit a crime with Abby Newman.  But even if Devon wasn’t in love with a married woman, Abby just doesn’t think she’s ready for a relationship right now.  Traci doesn’t think Abby should close herself off like that, staying out of a relationship as soon as you break a wedding engagement is so limiting.  Jack doesn’t think anyone should shut the door on love.  You find it in the strangest places.

 

Chelsea’s still trying to pretend to Stitch that it isn’t like that with Billy, when Billy himself comes along. He asks if she’s okay.  I mean, my God, she’s talking to a dangerous murderer.  Stitch smirks and says he’ll leave the two of them alone.  Chelsea rolls her eyes.  Billy says he was just crossing through the park and starts to walk away.  “Billy, wait!”  They stare wistfully.

 

Cane’s checking out Neil’s breaker box and bad wiring, and fixes it!  Cane rocks.  He says Neil really needs to call an electrician.  Neil mixes his metaphors and says he’s gonna lay the foundation, and he and Hilary are going to build the rest of the train together.  Cane looks confused.  They’re going to live in a train?

 

Hilary goes to Devon and they embrace for a long time.  She says she almost didn’t come, but she knew he would leave town for real if she didn’t.  He says she’s given him every reason in the world to stay.  They start making out in the middle of the bar.  She says she didn’t want this…she tried SO HARD, you guys.  She did everything she could to stop herself from running to him..and telling him…”I love you.”    Devon smiles.  He loves her too, and it’s about damn time.  He’s had to wait DAYS since she married Neil. 

 

She wants to know how they’re gonna do this. She can’t go behind Neil's back.  Well, of course not.  They’re going to tell him the truth, and they’re going to tell him now.    Hilary nods.  “A clean break.”  Yeah, it’ll be really clean when it’s with his son.  Neil can get on with his life, the life she kept him from because she was too much of a coward to tell him she was choosing someone safe instead of putting her heart on the line.  What a great thing to tell him. 

 

Devon doesn’t want to hurt Neil any more than she does because Neil is so damn wonderful.  He’s the BEST, you guys.  He deserves someone to love him the way she loves Devon.   I hate Neil, but this is making me sick.  Devon says they’re going to find a way to tell him, “and then everything’s going to be [horrific] fine.”  Hilary says she has to be the one to do it.  She doesn’t want Neil blaming Devon for HER mistake.  Devon’s okay with that, because, I mean, it’s going to be FINE, and not, like, a potential murder-suicide or anything.

 

Ashley never did show up.  Abby and Traci make further plans to go out on the town man-hunting.  Jack’s glad they haven’t given up.  Traci finds Jack so inspiring because he found love again.  It’s so hard for attractive, charming billionaires, but Jack beat the odds.

 

Chelsea invites Billy to Connor’s birthday party.  He doesn’t want her to feel obligated, but of course she doesn’t.  She wants him to be there.  He killed Connor’s dad, what kind of party would it be if Billy didn’t come?  They stare at each other with flirtatious warmth.

 

Nikki’s still whining, hoping she can talk to Christine so that maybe she can charge Ian with sharing the journal.  I’m sure Chris will get right on that after she anchors your body to the bottom of the lake.  Paul says the journal is public record.  Well, waaaaah, do something else to get him out of their lives!  Nikki doesn’t know WHAT she’s going to do..she came so close to… waaaahhh wahhh.  It’s all too much for her, it’s ALL TOO MUCH!!  It’s all too much acting, that’s for sure.  She sobs in Paul’s arms.  He comforts her, and Christine walks in the door.  She shoots daggers out her eyes.  That puzzle is never getting finished.

 

Dylan’s having a nightmare while Avery watches him.  It’s Sully in the desert again, and we all know how that one ends.  Dylan bolts awake.  Avery comforts him but she looks super serious. 

 

Hilary’s dreading telling Neil.  Listen, says Devon, they will get through this, and so will Neil.  She gets out her phone.  Cane has left Neil alone in the money pit house/train and the lights start flickering again.  I know it’s wrong but I’m already laughing. Neil’s going to get electrocuted, isn’t he?  Omg, this show.  Anything to drag this crap out.  He opens the fuse box.  Let’s see…is it this wire? NOPE!  ZZZZAPP!!!!  Kapow!  Neil collapses on the floor.

[Joimiaroxeu]

“Someone’s got to be in charge.”  I’m sure all the VP’s are happy that it’s Special Snowflake who hasn’t been there in a year.

All they have to do is wait a week and she'll be gone again.

 

She hates to interrupt his vacation, but not really because she has a problem.

First Michael and Lauren, and now Paul. Nikki really thinks the world revolves around her, doesn't she? I guess losing her enabling BFF Kay has left quite a hole in her life.

 

Dylan’s crazy ass destruction is totally fixable, though.  Avery looks very concerned.

At this point Avery the instigator is probably wondering if she should let Dylan borrow her tube of Crazypants Crimson.

[Lamplighter]

Jack doesn’t think anyone should shut the door on love.  You find it in the strangest places.

 

 

Strangest?  Name a place Jack hasn't found love.  I'm surprised Mrs. Martinez isn't counting her mutli million dollar settlement.

Edited August 10, 2014 by Lamplighter

[Suby]

I know it’s wrong but I’m already laughing. Neil’s going to get electrocuted, isn’t he?  Omg, this show.  Anything to drag this crap out.  He opens the fuse box.  Let’s see…is it this wire? NOPE!  ZZZZAPP!!!!  Kapow!  Neil collapses on the floor.

 Why is there a fuse box on the wall in what looks like a dining room?  Does anyone have fuse boxes anymore?

[peach]

 Why is there a fuse box on the wall in what looks like a dining room?  Does anyone have fuse boxes anymore?

 

This one really is a fixer-upper, I guess.  And Neil must have been too cheap to have it inspected before he bought it.  

[Suby]

I guess I get the fuse box.  But on the wall in the dining room?  The fuck?