Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[peach]

Sweep the leg, Stitch!  Sweep the leg!

[Suby]

Was that a squirrel on Pauly TightPocket's head?

I cannot stand Kelly.

Or NunuBilly. Plus he has camel toe.

Detective Harding is as bitchy as Miss Devon. Pass the Midol.

[Oly]

LOL Suby---I am still giggling especially about Nunubilly--he is one of the worst ever---

Dry toast is more interesting than he is

Edited July 24, 2014 by Oly

[peacheslatour]

Dullan is made of wood- I swear yesterday I could see the knotholes!

[Petunia13]

Was that a squirrel on Pauly TightPocket's head?

I cannot stand Kelly.

Or NunuBilly. Plus he has camel toe.

Detective Harding is as bitchy as Miss Devon. Pass the Midol.

Lmfao!

And I agree Dullan can't act for love or money. Just awful. I'm confused why he's in this business to be honest he should have been in an industry that can use someone stoic and banal like a running a high school study hall or those guards outside Buckingham Palace.

However, I will say many scenes JM/Nick is as bad or worse than Burton/Dylan.

[crosby777]

 

Whatever.  I still think it did her no favors.

It was horrific. 

 

However, I will say many scenes JM/Nick is as bad or worse than Burton/Dylan.

So true. There are so many bad actors on this show right now. Too many to pick from. JM is amongst the worst.

[peach]

Thurs, July 24, 2014

 

Nikki and company (Nick, Avery, Dylan, Paul, and Christine) get ready for the trial.  Christine is still a snot.  Victor and Ian have an evil chuckling confrontation in the hallway.  Victor tells him he’ll get everything he deserves and more.  Ian takes his place in the courtroom and stares at Nikki.

 

Austin’s all spiffed up and looking cute in a suit for a cameraman job interview.  He probably shouldn’t tell them about kidnapping the talent.  He has a meaningless conversation with Summer on the phone, as she’s in Georgia visiting Phyllis.

 

Dr. Delicious and the Wet Fish talk about how good at distracting her he is.  He takes a phone call and Jack stops by her table.  She tells him that Billy’s in denial about the divorce.  Jack says but she and Billy have always gotten back together, and Vicky says that’s because they don’t make rational decisions.  They need to move on.  Jack asks her how much she really knows about this Ben Rayburn guy.  Kelly overhears.

 

Billy confronts Chelsea about the yearbook with Stitch’s photo.  She admits that Stitch is hiding that he stole the dead Ben Rayburn’s identity.

 

Victor embraces Nikki.  Ian tells Dylan he really appreciates him being there to testify.  Dylan glares.  Michael says Ian’s lawyer tried to bar Nikki’s journal as evidence, but the judge is allowing it.  Blah blah blah.

 

Victoria says Jack has to help Billy accept that she’s committed to a future with Stitch.  He’s like, a guy you’ve known for five minutes?  Victoria doesn’t want to hear any conspiracy theories, but Jack says this is NOT conjecture.  Kelly’s still listening, frozen in the corner.

 

Billy’s upset that Chelsea didn’t tell him but she says she just found out, plus he said he didn’t want to know.  Well, he wants to know now.  Did she find out why he changed his identity??  Yep, he did time for murder.  Billy is like, OMG!  “My wife is with a KILLER?!” he asks the widow of the guy he killed.

 

Ian testifies that Nicole Newman caused him extreme emotional distress.  Everyone was really mean to him when he came to Genoa City, for one thing.  Violins play while Ian describes his joy at finding out about Dylan, and then she ripped the rug out from under him.  Nick is disgusted.

 

Michael brings up Ian’s paternity suit when he told the court that time that he was sterile.   So how could he think Dylan was his son?  Well, Ian thought it was a miracle.  “Like seeing a saint in a grilled cheese sandwich?” asks Michael.  Somehow when it would cost Ian money, he was sterile, but when Ian could gain money, then it was a miracle?  Ian blames it on Dylan.

 

Victor gets a text from the doctor he bribed in Georgia about the secret, miracle de-coma medicine.

 

Phyllis is probably going DEEPER into a coma while Summer tells her all about her incredible, world-changing love with Austin.  He has a dead mom and they got married.  And it’s all going so great, she finally feels like Jack’s her real dad.  Phyllis’s Hand starts moving, but Summer doesn’t notice.  Yes, we have another active hand on the show.  Phyllis’s Hand is probably going to tap out NICK in Morse code.

 

Dylan testifies in monotone, but the court thinks it’s pretty dramatic.  The judge says Ian’s attorney may treat the witness as hostile.  Dylan’s tie matches his eyes.  I didn’t really pay attention to the rest. 

 

Stitch walks up to Jack and Victoria, and Kelly interrupts and pulls Jack away to talk.

 

Billy’s freaking out and can’t believe Chelsea and Kevin would keep Stitch being a MURDERER from him.  He doesn’t want to talk to them anymore, he’s going straight to the source.  He storms out while Kevin comes in.  Chelsea shakes her head and says he’s going to protect his wife.  She has a tone about it.

 

The coma doctor tells Victor that Summer is there visiting Phyllis.  Victor says he doesn’t want Summer to know what they’re up to under any circumstances because he doesn’t want to get her hopes up.  Summer tells Phyllis that Austin couldn’t come with her to visit because he has a job interview and not because he’s not allowed to leave the state for kidnapping her sister and shooting the police chief.  Also, when Phyllis gets well, they’ll have a THIRD wedding so she can see it, too.  Good God, did Summer not get to play with dolls growing up or something?

 

Chelsea cries on Kevin’s shoulder about feeling like she betrayed Billy.  Kevin says well, she did.  Also, he has more info from Stitch’s personnel records.  Oh, well don’t tell her, for heaven’s sake, because Billy’s pissed at her enough right now.  Let’s drag that out as long as possible, too.  Kevin says he warned her not to get too attached to Billy since she knows Victoria is his endgame.  Yeah, yeah, and she still loves Adam, and she has that handkerchief as a sign from Adam that getting involved with Billy was a huge mistake.

 

Kelly and Jack argue.  Victoria is part of Jack’s family, and he is really upset knowing this stuff about Stitch that she doesn’t.  Billy comes blazing in and glares at Kelly.  “Your brother committed murder…and you didn’t tell me?”  He’s disgusted that she let Stitch get close to his wife, his SON, even  though he hangs out with Adam’s son quite a bit.  He wants to know the rest of it.  Kelly refuses to say anything more.  Billy demands an answer, and Kelly begs Jack to help her make Billy understand. 

 

Billy’s like, wait, what?  You knew?  You’re covering for HER instead of telling ME?  Jack tries to apologize, but all Billy wants is the whole story.  Who did Stitch kill?  Jack tells him to go ask Stitch himself.  He’s down in the dining room with Victoria.  Billy storms out, and Kelly, is like, Jack!  What did you do??  He’s like, he already knows, duh.  It’s time for the truth to come out!  Kelly runs after Billy.  Jack follows.

 

Stitch asks what was up with Jack.  Victoria would rather just go the doctor than talk about it.  Billy rushes in and says Stitch isn’t going anywhere.

 

Victor tells Nick he needs to leave the courtroom because Nikki’s so embarrassed about her journal being read out loud.  Nikki testifies about how sure she was that Ian was the father until the blood type situation came up.  Montage of testimony about Ian’s continued rape and physical abuse of her.  It’s disturbing.  Even Christine gets upset and teary eyed.

 

It feels kind of wrong to juxtapose that with a scene of Summer dishing on her First Time with Austin in a cheap motel room.  She keeps hoping and praying Phyllis comes back to them.  The doctor watches.  He probably wanted to hear more about the First Time.

 

The judge is kind of a jerk.   Blah blah Nikki was sure Ian was the father.

 

Kevin tells Chelsea it’s like she thought “why don’t I find a wildly inappropriate guy as a placeholder until Adam comes back.”  But Adam isn’t coming back, and Chelsea needs to accept it.

 

Jack and Kelly watch Billy confront Stitch and demand he tell Victoria about how he took a dead kid’s identity and why.  Stitch tries to get Victoria to leave with him, but she asks him if there’s anything to this.  Everyone stares at Stitch.  He stares back.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Austin’s all spiffed up and looking cute in a suit for a cameraman job interview.  He probably shouldn’t tell them about kidnapping the talent.

Just when you think this Austin&Summer4Evah! crap can't get any more ridiculous. Who would hire a kid who's about to be tried for kidnapping and attempted murder? Is the job on some remote island in the Pacific where they don't have internet or get the news until months later? SMH.

 

Good God, did Summer not get to play with dolls growing up or something?

Yeah, it's starting to look like Summer's got issues about weddings. With all the examples of matrimonial stabliity in her two families, one can only wonder where she got them from.

 

Everyone stares at Stitch.  He stares back.

Two lines should be queuing up right about now: one to punch Stitch in the throat and one to punch his shady, enabling sister. Gawd those two are insufferable. I could feel Stitch's smugness through the TV screen and it was pure ickiness.

Edited July 25, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[peacheslatour]

 

Dylan’s tie matches his eyes.

So  I guess he finally got someone to tie it for him?  Great. 

Stellar work peach, I missed much of the show today because a bank robbery in down town Seattle interrupted with news coverage.  I'd watch it on TGTV but hubby would be, uh.. displeased.

[miamama]

Billy is like, OMG!  “My wife is with a KILLER?!” he asks the widow of the guy he killed.

 

So much THIS! aaaargh. It is beyond idiotic.

 

What they are all offended by is that this guy was actually charged, convicted and served time for a crime, something that never ever happens in GC.

[Petunia13]

Are they chem testing Chip and Chels or what? (Chipsea - "Chipsy")

[Runningwild]

What they are all offended by is that this guy was actually charged, convicted and served time for a crime, something that never ever happens in GC.

Did he? And then somehow got into the Army? Edited July 25, 2014 by Runningwild

[Thumper82003]

I would love Stitch to say " I accidentally killed my abusive father when I was a kid, but Billy planned, kidnapped at gunpoint and killed your brother! I took responsibility and paid for my crime but he never has. Who is worse?"

But never going to happen, too rational.

[LeftPhalange]

 

I would love Stitch to say " I accidentally killed my abusive father when I was a kid, but Billy planned, kidnapped at gunpoint and killed your brother! I took responsibility and paid for my crime but he never has. Who is worse?"

 

And then Billy kidnaps him at gun point, shoots him, and then pushes him off a cliff.

Edited July 25, 2014 by LeftPhalange

[peach]

Fri, July 25, 2014  Everybody's Mad At Everybody

 

Nick had to leave the trial to go to work at The Underground.  Sure, now he can’t miss work.  Mariah asks if he has a cool relationship with his mom.  He sure does and doesn’t like how she’s being treated by Mariah’s good pal, Ian Ward.

 

Nikki testifies that she gave the baby up for adoption BECAUSE she thought Ian was the father.  It’s time for her to read about doing so, and they are all hanging on whatever wicked pearls are about to drop from her lips.

 

Neil and Hilary come spilling into The Underground to drink water after going to see an action movie.  Neil promises next time they can see a chick flick about some kind of burning hot love triangle with two men fighting over the sexy woman.  Devon must be following them around or something because he overhears this like usual.

 

Billy demands that Stitch tell Victoria why he stole his dead friend’s identity.  Stitch says Vicky’s under enough stress already, and he just wants to leave and take her to the doctor.  Billy says no, and Kelly shrilly whines to Jack to make this stop.  Instead, Jack tells Stitch to tell Victoria, or he will.

 

Nikki breathlessly gasps and moans her way through the story of how sickening it was to be pregnant by Ian and how she had to give up the baby that she hated.

 

Mariah tells Nick about Ian’s other side that cares about people like Mariah.  Nick gets that she needed Ian when she was young, but she shouldn’t be hanging around guys like him now.  She asks if she should be hanging around guys like Nick.  Yes, she should, because Nick is easy on the eyes and his personality is legendary.  He actually said that.  It’s meant to be a joke at least, and he smiles and walks away, and Mariah’s eyes are shining.  Gross, gross, GROSS!!!!

 

Neil explains that this is his and Hilary’s honeymoon.  Playing hooky from work by going to rained out baseball games, screwing by the roadside, and now going to movies and not drinking in bars.  Hilary bets Neil that he can’t pull a dollar bill out from under a stack of quarters on a water bottle.  He’s an old fogey, so can’t do it.

 

Stitch gets choked up and tells Victoria that he tried to tell her the truth before but something always got in the way, like lies.  He finally says when he was younger, he went to jail for killing someone.  Gasp!  Tell her the rest, says Jack.  Tell her who he killed.  Stitch says… “my father.”  GASP!

 

Stitch cries and says he was a teenager and his dad was a mean, abusive drunk that he fought with a lot over grades and curfew and…other stuff.  His dad was all drunk in his shed one night and they had an argument, and his dad punched him and passed out.  Then a kerosene stove or something fell over and set the place on fire.  Stitch barely got out himself. 

 

He told the cops it was an accident!!! “Let me guess,” says Billy, “they didn’t believe you.”  (Gunshot, car, ravine, explosion, hello?)  Stitch looks at Kelly and chokes out that no one did!  Kelly weeps.  Thanks for nothing, Kelly.  Stitch didn’t want to put his family through a trial, so he confessed and went to jail.  Victoria asks if he killed him or not.  He says he wanted him dead, but in a wishful thinking voice.  Obviously this was an accident, but Victoria says she wants them ALL to stay away from her and runs off.  I don’t know what her problem is, a story like that would have Summer marrying him two or three times over.  Billy and Stitch stare at each other.

 

Neil bets Devon HE can’t do the dollar bill trick.  He bets him his Cubs ticket with Hilary.  Nick and Mariah join in the wagering.  If Devon does it, Nick has to mop, if he doesn’t, Mariah has to close every night.  Of course, Devon knows the trick because he’s young and hip and saw it on the interwebs just like Hilary.  On Youclick.  Neil’s humiliated that he’s behind on that social media jazz, and gives Devon the baseball tickets to take Hilary to the game.  I hope it doesn’t rain.  Also, Nick has to mop the floor.

 

Ian’s lawyer starts grilling Nikki on her checkered past as an escort and stripper and being married “a number of times.”  He makes a speech about how she was young and carefree and didn’t want a baby by anyone.  He makes her read all about how she was into hot, young Paul Williams.  Then he gives another speech about how she lied about the baby.  It takes Michael like 100 years to object to any of it because this show is ridiculous.

 

He goes off on her some more about how she only wanted kids with wealthy Victor Newman and a raft of nannies.  He doesn’t really ask her any questions.  He badgers her about how she cheated Dylan out of life, even though Dylan had two totally normal, loving parents instead of these dysfunctional losers.   He shouts at her for causing emotional distress to everyone until Dylan stands up and shouts back about how Ian is at fault and getting sick pleasure from all of this.

 

Omg, Neil gets a phone call and has to do work.  There’s a labor dispute in Hong Kong and he has to go and settle it, like now.  He doesn’t even have time to PACK, he’ll just buy whatever he needs there.  Why take her along and make a honeymoon out of it or anything?  He needs Devon to keep an eye on his beautiful lady for him at home instead.

 

Victoria goes to The Underground to cry on Nick’s shoulder.  She says Billy made her face the truth about Stitch, and she’s bummed because she really wanted to have a family with him.  Nick thinks it can’t be that bad, but Victoria tells him that Stitch murdered somebody!  Kind of like the other people in the family.

 

Stitch asks Billy if he’s happy now.  He tells Billy he’s a selfish bastard who just wanted to make him look bad.  What if he’s that baby’s father?  Billy says that kid would be better off without him.  KELLY is offended by that and tells Billy to just.stop.  Even though she’s said that to Stitch half a dozen times and estranged his other kid from him. 

 

Billy is mad at Kelly, too, for not telling him any of this and letting Victoria start a life with a dangerous man.  She insists he isn’t dangerous, and he’s like, then why did you tell Jenna?  Why did she take his kid halfway around the world?  It was so she didn’t have to tell little Max that Daddy killed Grandpa.  Grandpa, the vicious, clumsy drunk.  Stitch lunges at Billy and they tousle, but Jack pulls Billy off and out into the lobby.

 

Kelly tries to calm down Stitch, and Jack calms down Billy.  He says he’s trying to keep him out of trouble.  Billy says it’s more like keeping him in the dark is his specialty.  He’s like, you knew, Jack, you knew and didn’t tell me.  How could you do that?  Jack’s mouth flaps.  It’s a [sex] Vivaldi thing, Billy, you wouldn’t understand.

 

Neil’s gone, and Hilary says she’ll just take a cab home instead of Devon driving her.  “Neil doesn’t have to know.”  What a great relationship if you have to lie about deciding to take a cab.  Devon says they should just act normal instead.

 

Victoria can’t believe she was so stupid.   Nick says she isn't, Stitch fooled them all.  Not Billy, says Vicky.  She doesn’t know what the best thing to do for the baby is.  Nick admits he might not be the best person for advice.  She doesn’t like the idea of her baby having a murderer for a father.  Too late!.  Nick understands, of course, that she would want to lie to Stitch if he’s the father, because that’s okay, but what if the baby were Billy’s?  Would she lie to him?

 

Jack tells Billy he’s sorry.  Well, sorry isn’t good enough.  He’s furious with Jack for not telling him the “something troubling” at dinner the other night.  Jack says he couldn’t betray Kelly’s trust and was in an IMPOSSIBLE situation!  Billy doesn’t see anything impossible about it.  Jack let that MURDERER get close to  his family, to JOHNNY.  He can’t believe that after everything that happened with Delia.  Jack insists he was looking for ways to tell him.  He didn’t want anyone to be hurt.  Billy says tell that to Victoria. 

 

Kelly and Stitch are sitting at the bar.  She says she told him she wouldn’t lie to Jack.  She can’t build a life on lies, like he does.  He says thanks to her, he can’t build a life at all.  At least not with Victoria.  She says he doesn’t get to blame her for that.  Well, I sure as hell do, KELLY.  He’s upset that he was making a good life for himself in GC, at the hospital, etc, and now he’s just going to be known as the guy that killed his old man.  Well, you did kill him, says Kelly.  AND HE PAID FOR IT, he tells her.  He went to jail and lost his FIRST family, and now he’s paying for it yet again.  These people need some family counseling like yesterday.  He tells Kelly she can’t fix this…but he can.  He rushes off.

 

There is shouting and crying in court, and the judge calls a recess.  Ian tells Avery that Dylan really needs help with his anger issues.  Avery wants him to shut up.  Victor practically carries Nikki across the room, then tells Michael he needs to fix this.  Paul tells Dylan to stop being so stupid before he gets charged with contempt of court.  Dylan yells and asks Paul how he can let them get away with that crap!!  Paul stares at him as the reality that this is his son sinks in.

 

Michael gives an impassioned speech about the greatness of Nikki Newman.  The judge will review the transcripts and render his decision.  He sounds like he hates all of them.  Paul tells Dylan he hates what’s happening in there too, but sometimes life isn’t fair so deal with it.  Dylan says that’s what his dad used to say.  That’s what everyone says, dumbass.  But Paul smiles.

 

Ian comes out and says it’s in the judge’s hands now.  He says it’s Nikki’s fault they were kept apart, but hopes when this is over they get to know each other.  He walks away.  Avery is ready to go.  Dylan wants Paul to know that the lawyer was wrong.  Dylan wasn’t deprived, he had a good life.  “I was,” says Paul.  He missed having Dylan in his life.  He will always regret that.  Paul and Christine look across the room at Nikki.  She stares at the floor.

 

Vicky asks Nick how many times Billy has lied to her?  He’s lost track.  He thinks it’s fine for Victoria to lie to protect the baby, it isn’t like what he did which was just selfish.  She thinks there have been enough lies that cause people pain.  Nick is on her side whatever she decides.  She leaves.

 

Now Jack is apologizing to Kelly?  He tells her it was better to force Stitch to tell Victoria than for her to hear it from Billy.  Kelly says it would have been BETTER for him to keep his promise to HER.  It probably would have been BEST if she kept her own mouth shut then and now.  Billy can’t believe she’s blaming Jack.  He goes off on her for knowing for months that a murderer was with his wife and family.  She protected her ex-SIL and nephew…but not HIS family?   He accuses her of being pissed that he picked Victoria over her.  Jack tells him he’s out of line now.  “Go to hell.  Both of you!”

 

Devon’s taking the scenic route.  He brags about his car.  He doesn’t understand Hilary at all.  One minute she can be making out with him, and the next she’s having sex with NEIL in the car.  She’s like, he’s my HUSBAND.  He says just because she has a ring on her finger, she thinks she can just pretend there’s nothing going on between them? She asks why he can’t just accept she’s married to Neil.  He pulls over.  Because he doesn’t believe her, he says.  He doesn’t want to hurt Neil either, but lying to him is hurting him.  Does she really expect to live her whole life like this?  Fine, she admits she has feelings for Devon, but she MADE HER CHOICE.   Fine.  He tries to start up the car again, and his fancy car won’t start.  Omg, this is the oldest trick in the book, not to mention Devon is a big, fat copycat.

 

Kelly says she should never have gotten involved with either Abbott.  Word.  Jack says he’s the one who should be angry!  He says she should never have asked him to keep her brother’s secret!!  Seriously, Jack, you begged her to tell you that secret so you could be her saving grace. She sneers that she thought she could TRUST Jack, but apparently not.  He yells that he should have told Billy the minute he found out but he didn’t!  Why not, asks Kelly.  “Because I love you, dammit!’’  Gasp!  Phyllis’s Hand is probably twitching somewhere.

 

Dylan tells Nikki he hopes he didn’t screw things up in there.  She doesn’t know how he can defend her after hearing all the awful things she said.  Dylan knows she was young and scared, and he understands.  He leaves and Victor tells her it’s okay, Dylan really does understand.  “Paul doesn’t,” says Nikki.  “He blames me for taking away his son.”

 

Paul talks to Christine in the park. He says the universe is trying to tell him something.  He didn’t step up when April got pregnant, and he screwed up with crazy Ricky, and maybe that’s why he wasn’t able to be Dylan’s father.  Because he didn’t deserve to be.  Christine thinks they just need to get away.  She rented a cabin at the lake so they can have a real honeymoon.  He doesn’t think it’s a good time, with Dylan, and Nikki, and the trial.  She’s like, you heard the trial.  She thinks he has to wonder why Nikki never confided in him then.  This show never misses a misogynist beat.  Blame the rape victim for her sexploits and lies.

[thewhiteowl]

The judge will review the transcripts and render his decision.  He sounds like he hates all of them.

 

 

 I know I do.

[Joimiaroxeu]

This show never misses a misogynist beat. Blame the rape victim for her sexploits and lies.

Real talk. I'll never understand who TPTB think wants to see women treated the way they are on this show.

[LeftPhalange]

 

She asks if she should be hanging around guys like Nick.  Yes, she should, because Nick is easy on the eyes and his personality is legendary.  He actually said that.  It’s meant to be a joke at least, and he smiles and walks away, and Mariah’s eyes are shining.  Gross, gross, GROSS!!!!

 

Nick and Fake Cassie are going to have sex and Sharon will STILL be desperate to keep him. She will probably beg him not to dump her for her fake daughter.

 

 

She says Billy made her face the truth about Stitch, and she’s bummed because she really wanted to have a family with him.

 

She wanted to build a family with a man she barely knows and who might not even be the father of the baby. Has she even said ILY yet?

 

 

Jack says he couldn’t betray Kelly’s trust and was in an IMPOSSIBLE situation!

 

It wasn't really an impossible situation. Billy is his brother and Smelly is some chick he barely knows.

 

 

Kelly says she should never have gotten involved with either Abbott.

 

Ya damn right you dumb freak. Go back to wherever you came from.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Nick and Fake Cassie are going to have sex and Sharon will STILL be desperate to keep him. She will probably beg him not to dump her for her fake daughter.

One of the MWTs must be a Joan Crawford fan. If they pursue this storyline it'll look like part of the plot of Mildred Pierce (woman loses her man to the wayward daughter she'd desperately doted upon). Back when Sharon had her Newman Enterprises boardroom moment it was like that "this ain't my first time at the rodeo" scene in Mommy Dearest. Hmmm. Maybe I'm giving the writers too much credit...

[peach]

Real talk. I'll never understand who TPTB think wants to see women treated the way they are on this show.

I know everyone, including me, is sick of Nikki and her overacting, and basically this entire storyline, but it still bothered me by the end.  If they really go with Paul giving her a guilt trip over this, I think that's awful.  The story is that they were both teenagers in some rotten, mind control cult, and she was systematically sexually abused by the cult leader.  But now she's a whore because she turned to Paul for comfort?  And horror of horrors, was terrified when she was pregnant and didn't tell anyone and ran away.  Even if she did think there was any chance of Paul being the father, SO WHAT?  She didn't tell the possible teen dad who ran away from his other kid?  While she was under extreme emotional duress?  We're supposed to believe that Paul would have been super excited and ready to settle down and take care of a baby, in a cult, not to mention that Ian Ward was involved in all of this at the same time?  

 

It's total crap, and being driven by yet another Insecure Woman, Cricket.  I've never minded her, but this is just pathetic.  The best thing Nikki could have done was give that baby away to good parents which is exactly what happened.  Dylan is certainly glad for it instead of being raised in a cult with teen parents and IAN WARD.  But who cares what Dylan thinks, because now it's all about Paul.  What.Ever.  I can't believe I'm having any emotional reaction to this, lol, and I didn't much, until the end, and Paul and Cricket stared at her across the room and she looked at the floor IN SHAME.  I was thinking, fuck you people.

 

NOT TO MENTION, that Victoria was simultaneously discussing lying to her baby daddy because it was the best thing for her and the baby.  With her brother, another baby daddy liar. 

Edited July 26, 2014 by peach

[miamama]

I haven't watched any of this trial. I just can't do it. But I'm with you, Peach. The idea that they are basically putting a pregnant teenager who was being viciously abused on trial is ridiculous. "She hated the baby" -- I believe I read this came up in the journal. Of course she did. She was a kid who was RAPED. Even well-established grown women hate the baby they are carrying at times. It means NOTHING. What she hates is the situation.

 

This is really offensive. The misogyny has reached a new level. Women are the head writers of this show????

[peacheslatour]

I agree with what all you guys are saying and the poster up-thread who asked who the hell they think they're writing for here?  What demographic do they think watches soaps FFS??  Not your 4Chan types that's for sure.

Edited July 26, 2014 by peacheslatour

[peach]

Mon, July 28, 2014

 

We pick up where we left off with Jack, who’s hysterically shouting that the only reason he didn’t tell Billy about Stitch like he should have is because he LOVES KELLY and her crazy, sky high bangs.  He loves her?  Yes, he’s in love with her.  She asks why he’s telling her this now?

 

Nick reminds Billy how much of a dickhead he’s been to Victoria and how he doesn’t listen to her.  Billy thinks they should all be damn grateful to him for NOT listening and saving them all from Stitch’s terrifying past of defending himself against a violent drunk in a woodshed.  Billy thinks once Vicky calms down she’ll be falling all over herself to thank him, he says unconvincingly.

 

Stitch begs Victoria through the door to let him explain everything.  The only lie he told her was his name, since he never really told her anything else.  PLEASE, VICTORIA, JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE.

 

Nick tells Billy he’s the same guy who’s hurt his sister over and over again.  Billy says it won’t happen again, though. Nick’s like, right.  Okay, well, whatever, Billy’s made mistakes.  Who hasn’t? he asks.  But at least he’s a decent guy…unlike Rayburn or Russell or whoever the hell he is.  Sharon overhears this and doesn’t know what to make of it. 

 

Cane and Lily come in and Sharon introduces them to Mariah.  Lily keenly examines her.  They tell them that Devon and Hilary left together which perks up Cane’s betrayal antennae and he goes to find out what’s happening.  Lily is amazed how much Mariah looks like Cassie.  Cane leaves Devon a message reminding him that Hilary is his father’s wife.

 

Hilary wants to know how a gazillion dollar prop car dies on the roadside, and also why it doesn’t have a button so that lady in the sky can restart it for them.  Devon says his car has a concierge service but doggone it,  his cell phone has no service.  They don’t even have ONE bar. She bitches about how they keep getting stuck together, and he reminds her she’s retconning everything since it was always her choice.  He says it’s because deep down she thinks they really should be “stuck together.”

 

Kelly thinks Jack just said he loved her to get forgiveness for him telling Billy anything, which is stupid on all counts.  Well, of course not, this is Jack.  She says she didn’t know he felt that way.  “Neither did I,” says Jack.  But there it was in the script.  After Phyllis, he thought it was all over for him except for a few pleasant evenings with someone and his billions of dollars to cry in.  But with Kelly it was evenings…and then MORNINGS!  AND THEN…ENTIRE DAYS!  She made everything seem possible again.  So that’s why he kept Billy in the dark…for her.  Kelly’s like, that’s great, but HER brother had a LOT more to lose than stupid Billy did.  From the woman who ruined Stitch’s life her own damn self.

 

Stitch is asking Victoria to trust what they have.  She’s like, after I found out about Kelly, you looked me straight in the eye and told me you hadn’t done anything wrong.  Yeah, but he has a REASON.  Instead of telling her the reason, he just keeps asking if he can tell her the reason.  He wants to make this right for the first time in his life and can’t lose her over it.  Also, somehow it got dark during the big reveal because GC is the arctic circle or something.  Vicky says this is a high risk pregnancy and if he loves her like he says he does, he’ll go away.  Stitch leaves dejected.

 

“What is it with you people?” asks Billy.  Everyone acts like he did something horrible by exposing Stitch as a killer, says the killer.  Sure, sure, he just wanted to use whatever he could find about Stitch to his advantage, but NOW he just wants to protect Victoria and his baby (which is what he said before).   Nick says if it’s even YOUR baby.  Well, Billy doesn’t care about that, he’ll even protect Stitch’s baby from Stitch, with the flaming sword of his narcissism.  “You’re not listening, Billy,” says Nick.   Duh.  Victoria doesn’t NEED HIM to protect her.  She doesn’t want to have anything to do with Billy, and nothing has changed that.

 

Sharon tells Mariah she’s monitoring a fashion shoot tonight, I guess to keep the models from popping Viva Surge and falling down stairs again.  Mariah says that explains Sharon’s awesome dress, which is pretty awesome.  White with black roses, which is okay, but the cut is amazing.  Mariah asks if she needs help with Faith.  Faith is at camp, so it looks like Mariah’s stuck with just Nick tonight, all night.  I’m not acknowledging where this sickening crap is leading.  Lily is still creeped out by how much Mariah looks like Cassie, Nick’s dead daughter.

 

Devon is a handy billionaire who used to hotwire cars back in the day, so surely he can fix this silly little Rolls.    She snarks, “Color me impressed, Devon.”  If he hadn’t been showing off, she’d be home safe by now.  “Safe?” he asks.  They have their usual boring f’ing conversation about themselves and their nonrelationship.  He asks if anything’s ever good enough for her??  Certainly not this stupid storyline.

 

She can’t take this anymore.  She’s going to walk home, even if she wore six inch heels and it’s dark.    She hears a COW MOO, which is so terrifying that she leaps back into the car.  Devon laughs, making her laugh, and damn, their teeth are so white they are freaking glowing in the dark.  Which is scarier than cows.

 

Cane and Lily have to go back to work because the dishwasher [quit] broke and orders are piling up, and I guess they need Lily to…wash dishes? 

 

Nick and Billy have an amusing exchange where Billy complains about how Nick’s been on his case ever since Victoria got kidnapped in Miami.  Well, yeah, because of him being a loser with a gambling problem.  “Well at least I never killed anyone.”  O.o  Except for NICK’S BROTHER.   Besides Billy being a LIAR, Nick thinks “at least I never killed anyone” isn’t really going to earn him points with Victoria, and that she’s not going to forget or forgive him.  Speak it, brother. 

 

Billy says Nick needs to clean up his own house before criticizing Billy’s.  He calls Nick a hypocrite because The Newmans.  And hasn’t he noticed Nick hanging around Victor?  Sharon asks if it’s safe to interrupt and he asks if it’s ever safe with a Newman.  “My sympathies,” he says to Sharon, on his way out the door to go try to get his Newman wife back. 

 

Stitch has retired to Crimson Lights to lick his wounds.  Dylan describes how awful Nikki’s trial was and how bad Ian is.  He says the only person who got robbed was Paul, not Ian, but at least they can make it right now.  Stitch is bummed.  He tells Dylan the paternity test didn’t happen, and Vicky won’t talk to him.  She found out something about him that he thought was over and done.  He served his time and wasn’t deceiving anyone.  He starts crying.  Dylan’s like, dude, what’s wrong?  Stitch pours it out that he stole Ben Rayburn’s identity because he didn’t want anyone to know he’d done time for murder.  Dylan’s like, whoa.  Or something.  It’s hard to tell.

 

Nick and Sharon flirt and canoodle and gaze in each other’s eyes, but darn it, she can’t miss this shoot.  Mariah watches with interest.  Sharon says she’ll be home late but he has Mariah to keep him company.  He’s like…great.

 

Jack, for the life of him, can’t understand how a man could kill his own father, or how Kelly could forgive him.  Although, if Adam had killed Victor, Jack probably would have thrown him a party and adopted him.  Kelly doesn’t forgive him, but she can’t be angry any more.  And she’s wracked with guilt for ruining his marriage to Jenna out of vengeance.  So now she thinks it’s Jack’s fault this time because he didn’t stay out of it, which whatever.  This one is her fault, too.  Regardless, she can’t be with Jack right now because Stitch is so super important to her now.

 

Stitch has told Dylan the whole story, and that Billy couldn’t wait to go tell Victoria about it.  Dylan says he KNOWS Stitch and the lives he’s saved.  It sounds like his life was on the line, the lawyers sucked, etc.  Tell him he didn’t REALLY do this.  Stitch stares at him guiltily.  Jeez, just say no!  You can kill a man but you can’t tell a LIE?

 

Hannah the nanny is no longer invisible. She answers Victoria NEWMAN’S door and tells Billy that Vicky went to an important appointment.  Billy acts confused, like, gee what appointment could it BE, Billy?

 

Newmans really run on their own schedule and Victoria really needs this paternity test NOW, at night, even though she skipped her appointment, and her doctor is gone.  She’s gone to a conference in Vancouver, but this other doctor will just whip up a paternity test result for her now.  Also, Vicky needs to “control the outcome.”

 

The doctor’s like, uh, wth does that mean?  She just wants the results kept confidential for now, and she wants to make sure no one, like Dr Rayburn no one, looks at her medical file like he did last time.  The doctor is shocked, since he doesn’t seem like the type.  Unfortunately, says Victoria, we don’t know him like we thought.  Why not just put it on GC Buzz, Vicky, before you find out if this IS your child’s father.

 

Dylan wants Stitch to answer the question.  Uhhh, he can’t.  Not now.  Dylan’s like, ohhh, okay, is that what you said to Victoria and Jenna?  Dylan realizes Jenna didn’t know about Stitch either til after they were married.  Stitch mopes.  Dylan is shocked.  Sharon interrupts so Stitch leaves.  She asks what’s up with all that, and Dylan says let’s just say since he got to this town he found out a lot of things aren’t what he thought they were.  You should probably leave ASAP, Dylan.

 

Jack is sorry to hear Kelly say she doesn’t want to be with him.  He knows today’s been a rough day.  He meant it when he said he loved her,but he’s not going to push.  If she changes her mind, she knows where to find him.  Kelly weeps. 

 

Jack brushes past Cane and Lily who try to make excuses for their cheap ass broken dishwasher but Jack is too traumatized to know wtf they are talking about.  Lily sees Kelly weeping and rushes to her aid.  Kelly doesn’t know what to tell Lily, or what to think.  She just sent Jack away, boo hoo hoo.  She babbles out her usual contradictory BS, just all at once this time.  She cries that she thinks she just chased away the best thing that’s ever happened to her.  Lily says, then what are you waiting for?  Go after him!

 

Hilary, somehow braving the darkness and cows, holds the light so Devon can work on his crappy Rolls.  I guess hotwiring it didn’t work. Judging by the flowers behind them, they look like they’re stranded in front of resort.  Blah blah blah.  Now Devon implies Hilary married Neil in some sort of scam.  No, she didn’t.  Then why is she kissing Devon?? She is no longer kissing Devon.  I am passing into a fugue state.

 

Let’s talk about Dylan’s problems.  It’s one surprise after another, first Nikki, Ian, Paul…  Sharon asks how he copes.  Well, he’s been leaning on Stitch.  Waaah.  Now Stitch is a surprising liar, too!  He guesses trust only goes one way.  CREAMY NUDE!!!!  Cymbals crash.  Sharon shakes off her Creamy Nude flash, and tells Dylan she thinks he can fix things with Stitch.

 

Dylan walks up to Stitch and chokingly says, “You were my best friend.”  Is that past tense, asks sad Stitch.  Dylan stares off and feels…something.  Self-absorption?

 

Hilary’s still bitching about Devon not fixing the car.  So they listen to sexy music and look at frigging constellations.  Poor, deprived Hilary gives Devon a mythology lesson.  Orion was a mack daddy and then something about stars.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.  Devon likes exotic animals.  I like pina coladas and getting’ caught in the rain.  Pet peeves:  this show.

 

Nick and Mariah are at home.  He makes a good sandwich for someone raised by maids and butlers.  Boo hoo, Mariah was raised by wolves.  And the guru charlatan, Ian.  Aww, Nick cut off the crusts for her, like he does for Faith, and for….Cassie.  A model didn’t show up for the shoot, so Sharon’s home now, too.  She had such a weird day (CREAMY NUDE) she just wants to go to bed.  Mariah watches them go upstairs.

 

OMG, Hilary and Devon are still talking.  Blahblah Hilary wanted to be a professional dancer before she was a blogging liar and fashion executive, because when you’re dancing it’s like the world is a perfect place.  So they start slow dancing.

 

Nick has come down shirtless in the dark to go to the kitchen, and Mariah skulks in the shadows and watches him.  Weird!

 

Kelly got Mrs. Martinez to let her in so she can slip in Jack’s bed while he’s sleeping.  His hair is perfect.  She’s there to tell him…she loves him too.  They start making out.  I like their theme song.

 

Dylan says Stitch had his back during some of the most difficult times in his life, like, say, war and Chelsea…and thanks?  No, he’s finding it hard to accept that he lied to him, and Victoria.  He’s still trying to work out who the hell is family is…but one thing he knows for sure, he doesn’t want to see his sister hurt.  So fuck Afghanistan, buddy.

 

The doctor will make certain that either one of the loser potential fathers stay out of Victoria’s shit.  Vicky suddenly has an epiphany, and says she’s calling off the test.  She doesn’t want to know who the father is, because it doesn’t matter. This is HER baby.  Billy listens from around the corner.  Expect to be kidnapped, Vicky.

[movinon]

Peach - I am new to this board, and I just found this topic yesterday.  I came from another board, looking for a poster I knew as Red - you know her as Canadian.  She is a hoot and I love to read when she is bashing Phyllis - never mind that I love Phyllis (funny is funny).  I have been reading your recaps since I found them and have only reached page 4.  This is the kind of stuff you can't read quickly or you will miss half of the fun.  I just wanted to say that you need to be writing comedy for something bigger than this.  I have never laughed so much in my life and I am enjoying every minute of it.  The comments are priceless, too.  Keep up the good work.   

[peacheslatour]

Another gem peach and I have to agree with movinon, you should be writing for a living if you're not already!

[Lamplighter]

You forgot the most important plot point, Peach... Kelly has plainly stolen all of Nikki's old hair and is brazenly sporting it all over town, like an enormous golden dunce cap. 

Edited July 28, 2014 by Lamplighter

[PatsyandEddie]

HAHA! peach! 

 

 

  he’ll even protect Stitch’s baby from Stitch, with the flaming sword of his narcissism.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Devon says his car has a concierge service but doggone it,  his cell phone has no service.

That car cost at least a half million dollars. NFW it doesn’t have satellite-based communication built in. Devon clearly needs a woman in his life who can help him figure out how to spend his money because it's just dumb to be stranded out in the boonies in a car that expensive.

 

So that’s why he kept Billy in the dark…for her.

Jack is old-school. His policy is: "(word that rhymes with nose) before bros."

 

Well, Billy doesn’t care about that, he’ll even protect Stitch’s baby from Stitch, with the flaming sword of his narcissism.

Heh, maybe Billy and Stitch can battle it out Highlander-style. There can only be one...baby daddy! (Ditto comment upthread; "flaming sword of his narcissism" is a brilliant turn of phrase.)

 

Nick and Sharon flirt and canoodle and gaze in each other’s eyes, but darn it, she can’t miss this shoot.

That was kinda creepy the way Sharon kept her eyes open while she was kissing Nick. Seems like a move you'd make if you were up to no good.

Edited July 29, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[peach]

Peach - I am new to this board, and I just found this topic yesterday.  I came from another board, looking for a poster I knew as Red - you know her as Canadian.  She is a hoot and I love to read when she is bashing Phyllis - never mind that I love Phyllis (funny is funny).  I have been reading your recaps since I found them and have only reached page 4.  This is the kind of stuff you can't read quickly or you will miss half of the fun.  I just wanted to say that you need to be writing comedy for something bigger than this.  I have never laughed so much in my life and I am enjoying every minute of it.  The comments are priceless, too.  Keep up the good work.   

You're very kind.  I'm glad I could make you laugh!  Laughter is life!!  :)

Another gem peach and I have to agree with movinon, you should be writing for a living if you're not already!

Thanks, peacheslatour.  :)  I just write comedy for stress relief right now.  lol

You forgot the most important plot point, Peach... Kelly has plainly stolen all of Nikki's old hair and is brazenly sporting it all over town, like an enormous golden dunce cap. 

I just can't even understand what was going on there!  Do they hate Kelly?  This week is the big, long awaited reveal...and they do THAT to her head?  Wth?  lol  It was four inches straight up, at least.

That was kinda creepy the way Sharon kept her eyes open while she was kissing Nick. Seems like a move you'd make if you were up to no good.

I guess that was really subtle way they wanted to communicate how in lurve Shick is.  Because subtle is what they do best.  ;P

[peach]

Tue, July 29, 2014

 

We open at the cottage.  Nick tells Sharon the movers are there…to take his and Faith’s things back to the tack house.  What?  Why?  They’ve been so happy!  He says how could they be happy when she’s keeping things from him?  She insists she’s told him everything she remembers, she is not lying!  He yells that their whole life is a lie, and throws their family picture against the wall!  It’s OVER!  He’s DONE!  (He always says that.)  NO! Sharon screams…and wakes up on her couch.

 

Of course this was just a dream.  She looks at Nick and says, “Promise me you’ll never go.”  Of course he’s not going anywhere.  He hugs her.

 

Victor’s on the phone making arrangements for the miracle de-coma doctor to see him.  Nikki walks in.  “Victor, my darling.  When will you ever learn?”  Learn what, he asks.  I mean, Victor already knows everything.

 

Hey, it’s Tyler!  Remember  him?  He’s walking down the stairs of the club with a tall, leggy brunette in a very short dress. He says she really knows how to turn.it.on.  She’s a professional, she aims to please.  Well, she did all of that and more.  She hopes Tyler will call her again, as Abby comes in through the door.  Oh Em Gee.  The woman introduces herself as Destiny, and she has to get to her next job!  She blows Tyler a kiss.  Abby says, oh, so this is how you’re spending your time, and money.  What do you care, says Tyler.  Oh, she doesn’t, but she is surprised by his lack of taste.  But then again, he was engaged to Mariah.

 

Low rent Mariah is carrying boxes at the closed Underground.  Cutie Austin walks in.  Mariah asks if he’s starting early or finishing a long one?  Neither.  It seems like the kidnapper camera man thing isn’t working out, because he’s looking for a job.  He asks if the manager is around.  He knows Summer so barely that he doesn’t know Nick is the owner.

 

Sharon laments her terrible dream with Nick, especially that he was taking Faith with him.  Nick says he’s going to be there, like, forever.  She says he’s said that before.  Yeah, but they’re different people now and they’re done hurting each other.  She still thinks when he finds out whatever she did, he WILL be  hurt.  He asks if she remembered something.  (Creamy Nude!)

 

Nikki thinks Victor was making travel arrangements, but he was doing nothing of the kind.  But now that she mentions it, he thinks a vacation would be great for her.  Well, that’s just silly, there’s a trial going on.  And the family needs them.  Yeah!  Victor says what the hell were Nick and Jack thinking letting Summer marry thatboy?  If PHYLLIS were in town, that never would have happened.  Nikki can’t argue that one.  Also she cut all her hair off, it’s above the shoulders.

 

Summer calls Austin.  “Hey, gorgeous!”  She tells him he’s not at home…at their new apartment.  She says he has to see this place!  I swear that this is my fantasy of what the Barbie town house would really look like when I grew up and got to live in it.  And SUMMER got it instead.  And JACK’S paying for it!  Which is disgusting.  She can’t believe that Austin didn’t get the camera man job.  Maybe Jack could buy it for him.

 

Austin has to turn his attention back to the job application.  “Have you ever been convicted of a crime?”  Not yet, Austin says.  Ugh, what’s the point, nobody’s gonna hire him anyway.  Mariah asks him why not?  Deep sigh, he’s been arrested.  Mariah LAUGHS.  “Join the club!”  She asks what he did, and he tells her it’s none of her business.  She’s grinning and says she’ll tell him hers if he tells her his. 

 

Tyler laughs at Abby thinking Destiny is a hooker.  She’s a model, of course, and they were doing a photo shoot on the roof.  And no, he’s not sleeping with her, which is none of her business anyway since she called off the engagement.  She says, well she didn’t want the three of them in a marriage  - Abby, Tyler, Mariah.  He says it’s not fair what she and Noah did to Mariah.  Abby’s like, and THAT’S why I broke up with you.  He’s like, no, it’s because Abby is the most insecure woman that he has ever met in his entire life, and THAT is why they are not together.  He walks away, and Leslie heard it all around the corner.  “You feel better?” she asks.

 

Nick wants Sharon to tell him what’s bothering her.  She flashes back to looking at her traffic ticket, and CREAMY NUDE!  Sharon says it’s this damn secret!  She can’t help worrying about what happens when it comes out.  Nick’s like, argh, if he had a nickel for every time this comes up!  He would even rather talk about the Cubs.  They suck, Nick.  Sharon doesn’t want to talk about them either, so he jokes that they should talk about what a stud he is.  They get silly, but she says the main reason she loves him is the way he treats other people…like her and Noah and Faith.  And he’s even nice to Mariah and makes her sandwiches.  Nick says he did it for Sharon, he’ll do anything for her.  She hugs him and worries even more.  I think she has fresh Botox in her forehead. It’s PERFECTLY smooth, and kind of a…creamy nude shade.

 

Traci and Abby are in spa robes and downing mimosas at the pool.  Traci notices that Abby’s really agitated, even for Abby, who wants to drink BOTH of their mimosas.  She admits she ran into Tyler downstairs.  She says she sucks at breakups.  Traci says everyone does.  It’s because she still loves Tyler.

 

Tyler tells Leslie that Abby’s just having trouble figuring out what she wants.  Tyler is crystal clear, however.  Leslie thinks maybe not.  He says he doesn’t get women, or maybe just Abby.  Right?  I mean what is up with someone being jealous of your insane ex-girlfriend you flew across the country to bail out of trouble.  Chicks, man.  He says it started out so great, and then she just stopped trusting him when she found out about his lies.  He doesn’t even know what happened!  Mariah is what happened, says Leslie.  They rehash the Mariah debacle.  Leslie doesn’t understand how he got involved with her in the FIRST place.  Tyler says when you think you love someone, it blinds you a lot.

 

Cut to Summer arranging her spoiled rich girl flowers when the doorbell rings.  It’s Nikki.  Yes, she’s heard about Summer’s new husband.  After the fact.  Summer’s like, yeah, uh, it happened so fast.  It takes five seconds to send a text, says Nikki.  Okay, well it was more because he shot Paul.  Blah blah it was an accident and he’s super sorry and his mom is dead.

 

Mariah’s trying to guess Austin’s crime.  Identity theft?  Shoplifting?  She’s not even warm.  She says it’s obvious he’s not a gangbanger, so it has to be something harmless.  He says, so you think stealing is harmless?  It can even be noble, says Mariah!  You know, like that Robin Hood deal.  “Steal from the rich…give to us.”  Austin says, “I don’t really have to guess what YOU were arrested for.”  Mariah says those stupid one percenters don’t even MISS the stuff, except for the last guy.  He asks how she got the job?  Lying?  No, you just have [con them] smooth things over.  The owner’s a good guy, maybe he’ll give Austin a chance.  And here comes Nick now.  Omg, this is the guy who shot the chief of police?!  That’s gonna be hard to smooth over, says Mariah.

 

Sharon’s at the hospital and has a flashback of going into the diagnostic lab.  Dun dun DUN!

 

Nick looks at Austin’s impressive resume with his scholarship to film school, honors, awards, and internships and jobs.  So he really did have an internet cooking show job just to stalk Avery.  Gosh, he really had his life together before that.  Is he really willing to wash glasses now?  Whatever it takes to support his wife, says Austin.  Nick laughs.  Summer can support herself, thank you very much, on he two rich families' money.  Austin assures him he’s not going to live off Summer’s money, well, except for that sweet pad he’s moving into.  Maybe he’s just going to sleep on the balcony. 

 

Summer whines about how completely bogus Ian’s lawsuit is, and why is it taking so long??  LOL.  Like, it's taking whole DAYS.  Blahblah.  She tells Nikki about how great Sharon has been to her since Phyllis went sleepy-bye.  “Sharon??” says Nikki. Yes, Sharon.

 

Dr Mead tries to hypnotize Sharon but it’s not working.  She says maybe Sharon’s subconscious is putting up a wall.  But Sharon really wants to know!  Come on, Sharon, can’t you GUESS what you were doing going in that lab?  Dr. Mead doesn’t ask her that, though.

 

The coma doc comes to Victor’s house.  They discuss his experimental drug treatment that only Victor read about in the paper.  He says the patients vary in their response, from weeks to months, but they do respond.  Every one of them.  And Phyllis is an excellent candidate.

 

Traci and Abby talk about how hard Abby’s life is in front of the women giving them pedicures.  Abby has the same problems as everyone else, just with a bigger bank account.  Poor Abby.

 

Coma doc says he needs the approval of Phyllis’s family to put her in the drug trial.  Well, now, does he really need that?  Yes, he really does.  He doesn’t want to compromise his life’s work.  What if Victor funds the whole thing?  Um, no.  I'm sure he doesn't want any Bonaventure type stank on  him.

 

Austin comes home.  Honey, he got the job!  He’s surprised to see Nikki there, since she’s one of Paul’s friends.  Uh, and Summer’s grandma.  Well, that’s a surprise!  Austin needs to sit down tonight and Google a list of Summer’s family members and their occupations. Gosh, he’s super sorry about shooting and kidnapping people and it will never happen again.  She’s sort of wincing like, is this kid for real, and says he better make sure of that.

 

Abby wants to review her sad love life.  Pretending she was into art for Daniel, slumming with Carmine, playing cops and robbers with Alex.  But she thought Tyler was the one.  Blah blah, Traci’s life was a trainwreck, but she went to Europe, and came home and THIS FAMILY is the center of the universe and where Abbotts belong.

 

Summer doesn’t even know how to make a sandwich.  I’m not sure she’s even eaten a sandwich?  It all seems very confusing to her.  She’s spreading marshmallow fluff on bread like a five year old.  She doesn’t even cut the crust off.  Austin’s going to work for her Dad!  At Jabot?!  Nope, at The Underground.  Summer’s like, ewwww.  And he really likes that one cool girl there, Mariah.  Oh My God.  Mariah is NOT cool and he needs to stay far away from her!

 

Mariah asks Nick if he hired Austin to keep him an eye on him, too.  No, Nick respects what he’s trying to do, making things right before he goes to prison.  What a guy.  Nick remembers what it was like to be young and in love for the first time.

 

Traci’s going to be “traveling alone” for a while, so to speak, to find herself before she becomes someone else’s significant other again.  Abby needs to figure out what SHE needs.

 

Nikki is glad to run into Sharon at the hospital.  Sharon’s like, uh, you are?  Well, she wants to say thanks for being there for Summer.  She apologizes for being hard on Sharon, she knows she was ill when she did all that bad stuff.  And Victor’s a horrible person for using the memory of Cassie like he did.  Sharon thanks her.  Nikki mentions the drama about the paternity test, but maybe this is how things are supposed to be?  Sharon thinks about it…like, maybe it is.

 

Tyler whines some more to Leslie, and she’s basically like love is a mystery.  Look at Austin and Summer, somehow they’re making it work!  Ha.  They don’t even know each other!  And they’ve been married for three days.  She gets a text with Austin’s trial date.

 

Austin promises to keep his guard up around that piece of work, Mariah.  He’s going to have to get used to that before he’s around those other inmates.  OMG, we don’t talk about that in the Barbie townhouse!  My 17yo son has been watching this with me, because I have tacos, and just told me that Summer seems to be technically retarded.   He’s noticed that she doesn’t seem to understand basic concepts. 

 

Someone new is at the door.  It’s Victor!  Hi, sweetheart!  He smiles like the Cheshire Cat, so I guess Summer is “the family” he needs to give approval to Coma Doc, who I’m sure will be fine with getting it from a brainless teen instead of her medical power of attorney, Daniel.

 

Sharon is flustered at The Underground.  She drops her purse but Creamy Nude doesn’t fall out to accuse her.  Mariah asks her what’s up, and she had a flash memory that might be really important!  Nick hears and asks her if she remembers something.  Umm, uh…

 

Preview for next week shows The Winters.  I told my son if he thinks SUMMER is lame, he should meet The WINTERS.  He says…Winter is coming.

[Joimiaroxeu]

He says…Winter is coming.

If your son is not only a GoT fan, he also recognizes Summer for the walking and talking box of air that she is, I gotta say you raised him right.

Edited July 30, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[peacheslatour]

 

Sharon is flustered

And ...we're done.

[peach]

And ...we're done.

 

???

[Petunia13]

Give you son a high five for saying what I've been thinking for quite a while...that Summer is technically retarded (special needs).

Edited July 30, 2014 by Petunia13

[peach]

Give you son a high five for saying what I've been thinking for quite a while...that Summer is technically retarded (special needs).

 

He seriously wondered if there was something wrong with her.  Who can't make a sandwich, or know what goes ON a sandwich?  Also, he thinks Austin is in some real trouble when he gets to prison.  I told him Summer's biggest concern when he was in jail was that he had to wear the same clothes for two days.  Not understanding basic concepts, as he said.

Edited July 30, 2014 by peach

[canucktvwatcher]

He seriously wondered if there was something wrong with her.  Who can't make a sandwich, or know what goes ON a sandwich?  Also, he thinks Austin is in some real trouble when he gets to prison.  I told him Summer's biggest concern when he was in jail was that he had to wear the same clothes for two days.  Not understanding basic concepts, as he said.

This is the funniest goddamn thing I've read all day! It's so on point it's uncanny!

Dummer needs to be taken on a tour of the Skippy factory and kicked in a giant vat when she's not looking.

Give her credit, though, HK has been selling THE HELL out of the character being stupid and naive - and I mean that as a compliment! Maybe I was too quick to judge her as being unworthy of that Daytime Emmy!

[LeftPhalange]

 

My 17yo son has been watching this with me, because I have tacos, and just told me that Summer seems to be technically retarded.   He’s noticed that she doesn’t seem to understand basic concepts.

 

It needs to be revealed that somehow Summer is Sharon's daughter and Faith is Phyllis'.

[peacheslatour]

???

Sharon flustered is pretty much her whole personality any more.

[peach]

Sharon flustered is pretty much her whole personality any more.

Ohhh.  Duh.  lol  I thought maybe I said something wrong.  I didn't want you to be done.  Multitasking and recapping...sometimes things go over my head. 

Austin is a good example of the show's attitude towards the veterans.  He doesn't even know who they are, or what they do.  Maybe Austin is one of the writers.   

 

LOL!  Now that's brilliant. 

[peacheslatour]

 

I didn't want you to be done.

Lol.  NEVER!  I love your recaps, I read them aloud to my hubby and even though he doesn't watch he finds them hysterical too.

[peach]

Directv says about this episode:  Mariah and Summer butt heads.  Which could also mean:  Mariah and Summer, buttheads.  You be the judge.

 

Wed, July 30, 2014

 

Cane and Lily are at the pedicure pool bar.  Neil tells Lily on the phone that he hasn’t been able to reach Devon or Hilary all night.  Quelle domage.

 

Devon and Hilary stroll into Neil’s, laughing about their madcap adventure, to find Neil and the police waiting!  He was so worried!!  His trip to Hong Kong got canceled last minute, and his wife was missing all night with no one answering their cell phones!  Where were they all night?

 

Grampire has brought Summer a wedding gift since he missed her walking down the aisle.  Summer’s real sorry but she just didn’t want any drama.  Victor?  Drama?  He thinks that’s absurd.  He sees Austin and says, “Well, hello.  You must be the young man who shot Paul Williams.”  “Hello, drama,” says Summer.  Austin says it’s okay, what he did was wrong, and he’s ready to accept whatever comes his way, like this awesome free apartment.  Well I’llbedamned, says Victor.  Someone willing to accept responsibility for his actions.  He respects that, obviously more than that degenerate loser, Billyboy Abbott.

 

Nick asks Sharon what is it? What’s wrong?  She flashes back to going into the lab.  She can’t make sense of it.  She’s not sure if she’s remembering an actual memory…or something she just imagined when she went off her meds.  (Ahhh, so this is the out.  She didn’t really do it.)  Nick says her therapist will figure it out.  No, Sharon needs to do this another way, and Mariah can help.

 

Sharon’s not sure which times she really hallucinated Cassie, and which times it was just Mariah, so she needs help sorting that out.  Mariah seems to think that sounds pretty easy.   Nick would prefer she help by waiting on customers.  He thinks Sharon needs a qualified professional instead of a grifter bartender helping her on this.  Sharon says it’s just the same ole, same ole with Dr. Mead.  Nick’s like, look, everything that she’s trying to remember was part of Mariah’s agenda.  How does Sharon know she doesn’t still have one?

 

Victor wants to make it clear that he’s reserving judgment on Austin until he gets to know him better.  Austin’s like, no problem, and leaves for work.  Victor is surprised that he’s working for Nicholas.  Summer’s like, well, yeah, I whined really hard, and dad jumped on board.  So did Jack, who’s letting them live in the Barbie townhouse rent free.  Victor says well, isn’t that mighty big of him.

 

Summer opens his gift, which is a strand of pearls.  He says he gave a strand like that to Nikki when they got married.  She asks, which time?  They have a good laugh over that.  I’m sure he doesn’t remember.  He also gave some to Victoria one of those times she got married, and he wants to keep up the tradition. She’s happy he still considers her a member of the family, so she can keep racking up the free stuff for marrying a future convict.

 

Abby drops in on Cane and Lily. She skipped her Gold Facial because she’s too keyed up after seeing Tyler. She relates her embarrassing story of thinking the model was a hooker, but it wasn’t her fault since her name was Destiny.  Lily’s like, at this club?  Pshaw.  Sure, Lily.  She asks why she’s dwelling on Tyler when she can have the pick of any guy there, so she sics Abby on some “hottie” walking by.  She tells Cane she really has the perfect guy for Abby though.  Cane thinks Lily is a terrible matchmaker, and doesn’t change his mind when she says Devon is Abby’s match.

 

Devon explains to Neil that his crappy, gazillion dollar car died in no-man’s land with no cell phone reception.  Neil’s like what were you doing way out there, and better yet, WHY?  Oh, well, Hilary says she’s never been in a cardboard car like that, so she wanted to go for a drive, and then it all was terrible.  Neil’s like, it’s all good then!  The cop leaves with a grimace after dealing with these dumb, rich people, plus he’s never getting his SAG card if they won’t give him any lines. 

 

Neil’s just glad they’re safe, and he teases Devon about his million dollar lemon.  Ha ha, says Devon, Hilary’s already made fun of him.  Neil says once again, Devon is Superman, taking care of his wife.  He just doesn’t know what he’d do if he ever lost amazing Hilary.  They hug and she stares at Devon over Neil’s shoulder.

 

Mariah’s instructing Austin on how to do his job.  He’s got an attitude, and she’s like what’s your damage?  Ohhh, she gets it, he went home and saw stupid Summer, so she can guess how that conversation went.  YEAH.  Austin and Summer TALKED ABOUT YOU, Mariah.  Austin knows ALL ABOUT how she tried to drive Sharon insane. She’s like whatever, you’re up for kidnapping and attempted murder, and that’s all anyone's going to care about.  “They’re going to look at you the same way they look at me, so don’t go around here acting like you’re better than me, ‘cause you’re not.”  He looks sheepish.  She should tell them she doesn’t have a mom, and then it will all be cool.

 

Sharon asks Nick what happened to him giving Mariah a second chance?  He just doesn’t trust her yet.  Right, well, it was Victor who did it, remember?  Yeah, but he’s still not completely sold on her turning a new leaf, and then there’s her loyalty to Ian Ward.  He thinks they should just be cautious about how much they share with her.  Well, great, says Sharon.  Now she has no one to turn to. UNLESS?  Unless she goes to see Phyllis to get it sorted out.  I would say that’s stupid but somehow the idea of Sharon walking up to Sharon’s coma bed seems like it would wake her up faster than any experimental medicine.  “Hey, did I do anything to Nick?  No?  Okay, thanks, I’m going home to have sex with him now.”  Phyllis bolts straight up!

 

Summer explains to Victor that losing their moms is what connected them.  They talk about Phyllis. Amazingly,  Summer’s wedding news doesn’t cure comas.  She says Daniel’s been great about it, and yeah, HE has medical power of attorney.  Well, darn the luck.  Summer says having Victor on her side is the greatest gift of all.  He leaves and broods.

 

Sharon thinks just seeing Phyllis might jar some memories.  Nick’s like, that’s kind of dumb.  It sure is, so that’s why she should talk to MARIAH.  He walked right into that one.  Sharon walks away, and Nick goes and tells Mariah that Sharon’s made a lot of progress and he’s afraid something, well, Mariah, actually, is going to sabotage it.  She’s like, whaaat?  She just wants to make it UP to Sharon.  She has no reason to sabotage anything, except I guess something about shirtless Nick.  She asks him what he’s so afraid she’s going to remember?  Nick’s not afraid.  It’s just that it’s freaking SHARON out.  He’s worried about her stressing out and ending up in the hospital again, so please don’t talk about any of this with her.

 

Sharon’s got to go to Chicago to wrangle the models.  Today.  Mariah side eyes Nick with excitement.

 

Abby tells Lily she needs a guy who can string two words together.  That’s great, that means she can date Devon.  Abby giggles.  Devon is her friend.  FRIEND ZONE all the way.  Lily says that’s still great, because friends make the best partners!  Cane’s her best friend, and he never keeps anything from her!

 

Cane and Devon are furiously whispering about what happened with Hilary.  Devon insists it was just a simple car breakdown when he was doing the favor his DAD asked him to do.  Cane says it’s still an emotional affair and that’s bad enough.  If he doesn’t walk away from this, it’s just going to create problems for everyone, especially Devon and Neil.  And Cane knows Lily will never stop shrieking about it.

 

Neil asks Hilary how she and Devon passed the time for all those hours they were stranded.  Thanks, Neil, now we have to see a flashback to their annoying slow dancing.  She says they talked a bunch and it was boring and they took in the night sky.  He says that doesn’t sound that bad.  It wasn’t, she says.  Yes.  It was.  It was that bad.

 

Summer’s at The Underground to give Austin moral support on his first day on the job.  Omg, where is the taser?  Maybe she should try getting a job?  Blah blah, she wishes her mother never fell down the stairs.  We all do, says Sharon.  Speak for yourself, lady.  Nick wants to go home with Sharon and help her “pack.”

 

Victor’s on the phone setting up a grant to send the artist, Daniel, somewhere way off the beaten path.  Abby walks up and asks if he’s trying to run TYLER out of town so she doesn’t have to see him all the time. I’m not convinced that yellow skirt goes with that blue floral blouse.

 

Cane is still whispering to Devon that sooner or later, Neil is going to be asking questions and picking up on the dynamic between him and Hilary.  Devon weakly protests.  Lily walks up on them in dismay. Her dress is very cool. 

 

Neil snuggles with Hilary and says since his business trip he didn’t know about was canceled, he doesn’t have to go in the office today.  He hasn’t gone in the office all week!  But anyway, he still wants to stay in allll day with Hilary.  They start kissing, and then she has some kind of psychotic break and imagines she’s kissing Devon. I realize she didn’t get any sleep last night.  Then she’s just kissing Neil again, and this is so traumatic for her that she pulls away and says she just can’t do this.  She rushes away.  Neil is like, wth?

 

Lily thinks Cane is blowing the big surprise about the date she’s setting Devon up on…with the girl who was LAUGHING about such a thing upstairs.  Everyone rolls their eyes.

 

Abby thinks Victor really doesn’t have to do this getting rid of Tyler thing that he wasn’t doing.  She doesn’t have to hide from him, she’s going to be mature.  Victor doesn’t think it’s mature to just sit by and let someone get the upper hand.  That’s just crazy talk.  Abby just wants to ignore Tyler, and wants Daddy to do the same.  He promises no interference but she laughs and says she knows him.  She’s also way overestimating how much he cares about this.

 

Austin is a pathetic bartender because he can’t remember how much triple sec to use.  But Summer says he’s great at everything!  Mariah’s like, quit flirting with the wife and go bus the tables.  He gets to it, and Mariah tells Summer he has a job to do and doesn’t have time for her cutesy bullshit.  Also, she’s underage so get off the paying customers’ bar stool. 

 

Summer’s aghast. She’s the owner’s daughter.  Mariah’s like, uh, I thought you were Jack’s daughter, and Nick’s just been pretending to be your dad.  Summer can’t believe it.  The only person pretending to be anyone is Mariah!  Sharon might be fooled by her little apologies, but not Summer..and not AUSTIN, so don’t even try to be his friend.  Mariah tells Summer to relax, because she’s not interested in her man.  She has her eyes on someone even less appropriate.

 

Nick and Sharon are moaning over ice cream on the couch. Somehow they get on the topic of Phyllis, and Nick laments her being in a coma when she was so bold and larger than life…he stops himself because he shouldn’t be talking about Phyllis like that.  Sharon doesn’t mind because her brain was fried good.  Nick just doesn’t want Sharon to doubt his commitment to her.

 

Some nurse chats with Phyllis, and Phyllis’s Hand starts moving again.

 

Lily tells Devon not to scare them like that again.  Blame the car, he says.  She also wants him never to give Hilary rides anywhere.  He decides to deliver Abby a drink to avoid that conversation.  They have their usual laughs about how rich they are.  He floats the idea of a few drinks and a movie or dinner or something.  She…says okay, but it’s awkward with Lily and Cane staring at them.  She says they should keep it simple with like, brunch, or something that doesn’t involve kissing at the end.  They laugh and Cane tells Lily she was actually right for once, and this is just what Devon needs.

 

Hilary plays her rejection of Neil off as needing a shower, and darn, she needs to get to the office now!  He says she’s already late, what’s another hour?  Kiss kiss.  I don’t know, my boss thinks being ANOTHER hour late is usually worse.  Hilary’s saved by Neil’s phone ringing, and she escapes to work.  His call is from the real estate agent, and he has good news.  Neil cannot wait to surprise his wife.  She’s gonna be the happiest woman ever.

 

Austin tries to let Summer down easy and tell her how awesome it is to have her help getting through his first day at work and all, but she’s just too distracting because she’s so gorgeous.  Summer eats that up with a spoon, but says she’s seen him work before.  But that’s when he knew what he was doing, and he’s trying to learn new stuff.  Mariah says he has a great teacher.  Summer hates that, but finally leaves. 

 

Austin apologizes to Mariah for having a clingy wife, and also for being a jerk to her earlier.  He’s sorry for being so judgmental, but he thought that’s what Summer would want.  Then he pulled his head out of his ass, and realized he can make his own friends, and might not have the job without Mariah’s encouragement. Mariah says, you and I both know the only reason you got the job is because you’re married to the boss’s daughter, and so Nick can keep an eye on you.  He’s says, and on you.   She shrugs.  There are worse things, she says, because she’s liking those eyes on her. She evil smirks.

 

Nick feels so blessed to have a second chance with Summer.  And with Sharon.  He guesses it’s meant to be.  He carries her upstairs, with the ice cream.  I wish I could rock white jeans like that.

[Petunia13]

That was awesome Peach! I loved how you summarized the Summer, Mariah, and Austin action.

[Joimiaroxeu]

She’s happy he still considers her a member of the family, so she can keep racking up the free stuff for marrying a future convict.

Summer's found the answer! Women really can have it all, as long as they've got rich, doting parents and grandparents who'll give them anything just to stop the whining!

[peach]

LOL, I think Left Phalange has some quotes in there too...I can't take credit for the hilarious comments, too!

[peach]

Thur, July 31, 2014  Is There More To This?  There Must Be More To This.

 

At the Abbott manse, Billy’s moping over a family photo.  Jack walks in.  “I’m an ass,” says Billy.  Thank you.  He knows he came down hard on Jack for keeping Kelly’s confidence about Stitch (for like one day, if I may remind you) but he sees Jack’s side of it.  Jack’s serious with Kelly and trust is important.  It’s why his own marriage is wrecked.  Chelsea calls.  Oh, and that.  But Billy lets it go to voicemail.

 

Chelsea leaves him what must be yet another message.  She says she gets it, she knows he’s frustrated that she and Kevin didn’t stop digging when he asked them to, and this is her punishment.  She just wants to make sure he’s okay, and um, what he did with the info on Stitch? I can’t decide if I like her dress, it’s a modern, bi-level that seems to be made of the same aqua material that Sharon’s blouse was yesterday.

 

Now I see Kelly’s stretchy GCRB dress, and I definitely like CHELSEA’S.  Kelly’s run into Stitch at the club.  He looks miserable.  She stammers about, you know, the way it all came out…uh, um.  He says, and you’re sorry?

 

Dylan’s whining to Avery like a little girl about how he can’t believe he had no clue that Stitch did time for murdering his old man.  How is that even possible?  Understanding Avery says she does understand why someone doesn’t want to be known for a mistake they paid for years ago.  Dylan says this isn’t about lawyers and clients!  They aren’t people!  This is about Stitch, who was his friend.  He’s still your friend, says Avery.  What kind of friend?  Dylan confided in him and Stitch wasn’t honest with him about something incredibly more serious in return.  Maybe because you’re being an idiot about it.  Wait’ll he finds out his mother’s killed three people. 

 

Victoria arrives because she could use some legal advice.  She didn’t notice Dylan.  “What are you planning to do?” he asks.  I guess everyone’s supposed to tell him everything now.

 

Lauren and Michael are eating at the club.  She has no appetite though, because her BABY is going away to college in Arizona!  Fenmore’s leaving the nest.  And that leaves some interesting possibilities for them, says Michael.

 

Kelly says she’s been thinking a lot about Stitch and if he’s okay.  And she also deflated her hair, thank goodness.  Hell, no, he’s not okay, but he doesn’t blame Kelly.  She told him the truth would come out, and she was right.  Yeah, since it came out of HER mouth. She’s so sorry he’s having to go through this again.  The good news is it’s all out now and the worst is over.  He wouldn’t count on that.

 

Kevin’s looking at his ill-gotten personnel records on Stitch, when Dr. Barton Shelby comes in the station.  He’s angrily telling Det. Harding that he most certainly didn’t misplace his hospital ID badge.  Whoever stole it used it to hack into the hospital’s computer.

 

Lauren feels abandoned by Fenmore, but she’s actually really happy he’s getting a fresh start somewhere else.  And now she and Michael can spend a lot more time together.

 

Kevin’s hastily packing up the evidence, uh, the reports, and slipping out, while Doc Bart says someone took the badge at Crimson Lights and hacked the personnel records.  Harding watches Kevin basically sneaking out, and asks Barton whose records were looked at.  He says the IT people are still working on it.  He’s there to make sure they don’t get away with it.  Harding scowls, like, more.

 

Jill comes to see Billy.  She thought he’d given up investigating Stitch.  Well, he did, but Kevin and Chelsea kept digging, and he had to confront him when he found out.  Jill agrees that he had to follow up after that.  Billy says he’s not going to apologize for protecting his wife and son from a man who could kill his own father.  Jill says it sounds like he thinks Victoria’s going to be grateful to him.  So what’s wrong with that? He doesn’t care what Jill or Nick or anyone else thinks, he knows about the love he and Victoria share.  Jill says so you think that Stitch is no longer an issue?  He doesn’t look so sure.

 

Stitch says after Jenna left him he gave up on that part of his life.  Then suddenly, there was Victoria, drunk on tequila in the back of her SUV.  He thought they could be happy and have this amazing future.  Kelly says Vicky just found out, she’s still reeling.  It’s possible she could get past this with some time.

 

Jack walks in.  “Hi, sweetheart,” he says to Kelly. “I’m not sure what to call you,” he says to Stitch.  We’ll just call Jack “rude.”  “My name is Ben.  Friends call me Stitch.  But you can call me whatever you want,” he says harshly and leaves.  Kelly looks sad.

 

Victoria is glad to see Dylan because she wants to ask him about Stitch since he knew him before the war.  Did he know anything about his background?  Her ponytail looks good.  Dylan says Stitch is the kind of guy who didn’t talk much, but everyone liked him.  He says in a combat zone, you don’t learn about people by talking, but by how they act.  Which I guess was pretty awesome.  When he found out Stitch killed his old man he was completely blindsided.  He can’t reconcile that crime with the guy he knows.  Stitch is not a cold-blooded killer, and he IS a good guy.  No, Victoria, says, he’s a good liar.  She rubs her belly.  Dylan has to go to work.  Avery tells him they’re entitled to their opinions, but she thinks there’s more to this.

 

Vicky tells Avery she’s there to find out her rights.  She says neither one of these losers is trustworthy, and she wants them nowhere near her, so she’s decided to decline the DNA test.  She wants to know if they can compel her to do it.  “In a word,” says Avery… “yes.” What’s an heiress to do?

 

Billy tells Jill that Vicky’s through with Dr. Deception for now, at least.  He overheard her tell her OB that she doesn’t want the paternity test.  “AT ALL?” asks Jill.  Yeah, because she says it’s just her baby now, which is true Newman philosophy.  Jill says Vicky’s hormones are all over the place.  Billy thinks Victoria just reached out to Stitch because she was in pain, and didn’t look to closely at who he was, which is a fair assessment. Now that she does know, she might turn back to Billy because love.  Jill says sometimes love isn’t enough.  Well, if the baby is his, he just might have a shot.

 

Victoria asks if these two can really force her to do anything after the way they’ve acted.  Avery’s like…umm..you chose to be sexually involved with two idiots, which usually leads to complications.  Vicky says her mom was right that she rushed into things too quickly with Stitch, just to avoid Billy.  She says Stitch lied to her face.  She can’t trust him around this baby.  Avery says it’s more like she can’t trust him around her heart.  Vicky’s like, are you defending him??  Sort of.  He did his time, etc.

 

Victoria gets huffy and says this is a high risk pregnancy and she doesn’t need the stress of these two pushy cavemen hurting the baby.  So if Avery can’t help her, she’ll find a lawyer who can.  Avery says she’ll represent her, and legally she doesn’t have to have a paternity test til the baby’s born.  She’ll make sure no one pressures her otherwise.

 

Stitch is back at Crimson Lights.  Dylan stares at him like Stitch cheated on him.  Stitch hopes they’re still friends.  “Help me understand,” says Dylan.  Stitch says he hated lying to Mac and everyone else.  But he says what happened doesn’t define him as a person.  Dylan says his parents lied to him about being adopted, and then Chelsea lied about Connor, and then Ian lied about being his father.  It’s just lies on top of lies.  And now Stitch dumps this lie on him.  Dylan says he doesn’t even know his real name.  So clearly he’s no judge of character.  Even though he loves his parents, and forgave Chelsea, and Stitch never did anything to him, so maybe he should get over it.

 

Chelsea runs to answer her door.  Oh, but it’s just Kevin.  He asks if she was hoping it was Billy.  He thinks she ought to be thanking him for the multiple felonies he’s committed to get Ben Rayburn’s personnel files.  She’s like, sorry, but Billy’s not speaking to her, so she has no use for more secrets about Stitch.  Kevin says that’s too bad, because if what he learned ever gets out, the guy’s whole future is toast.  What’s it to you, Kevin?  Are they even paying you?

 

Dylan asks if there’s more to the story.  Stitch says Dylan should trust his instincts.  They’ve saved a lot of lives, done a lot of good.  Dylan’s like…that’s it?  Stitch is sorry, he’s lost a lot, blah blah.  Do guys really ever have to grovel to their friends like this?  Avery arrives.  Stitch asks how Victoria is.  “How do you think she is?” says Avery.  He leaves.  Dylan says there’s more to this.

 

Kelly tells Jack that Stitch alluded to the fact that this might not be over.  You mean Victoria?  She doesn’t think it was about that.  She hopes that somehow Vicky finds it in her heart to give Stitch a second chance.  Forgive Jack if he doesn’t share her sentiments since they are talking about his brother’s wife. 

 

Kelly wants to change the subject.  So they talk about how they both said I love you.  She’s like, but I do come with a lot of baggage.  He says, “Sugar, I own a whole line of luggage stores.”  He’s gonna need’em.  She says loving her comes with her past, her tragedies.  He doesn’t want an out.  Blah blah, he loves her, so her problems are his problems now.  He won’t go running at the first sign of trouble.  I mean, if he’s going to overlook those bangs of doom from yesterday, he must mean it.  She asks him to take her home, hubba hubba.

 

Kevin gleefully explains to Chelsea how by committing felonies and using a false identity, he’s been able to find out that Stitch has committed felony fraud by using his false identity to get in the Army and get a medical license.  This is his gift from him to her.  Knowledge is power, he says.  Chelsea actually doesn’t look that enthused about destroying Stitch’s whole life.  Not to mention that this part is just basic logic and not much of a “secret.”

 

Billy shows up at Vicky’s because he just wants to see Johnny.  She’s like, ugh, but lets him in.  She thinks he wants to gloat about Stitch.  Who, Billy?  He just wants to play blocks with Johnny.  She really wishes he would let her know when he’s coming over.  The baby moves, and Billy gives his smarmy smile and asks, “May I?” to touch her baby belly.

 

Johnny’s napping so next time Billy needs to call.  Billy’s a frigging MORON and tells Vicky that this new baby is going to need a father too, even if she doesn’t want to know who it is.  She’s like wait, what?  How did you…?  Oh, he was at the hospital eavesdropping on her.  He just happened to be there since he was following her and all.  Also, he doesn’t want Rayburn anywhere near their little boy and he is sure that is something they can both agree on.  She’s like, look, you got what you wanted.  His information has her completely terrified, so he should be happy.  He tells her she’s beautiful and a beautiful mother, and leaves.

 

Jill talks business with Lauren.  Lauren admits she’s super worried about Fen going away to school because of  his past drug problems.  Jill says he’ll always be her baby, like Billy will always be Jill’s baby.  Billy’s definitely a baby, I’ll give her that.  She says things aren’t good with Victoria, blah blah, but he’s a grown man, legally, and has to make his own choices.  They hold hands and sister bond over their babies.  It’s cute.

 

Kevin gets back to the station, and Harding busts his chops about being 90% breaks and 10% work.  Kevin is a sarcastic snot in return, and Harding reminds him he’s not a cop, but a criminal staying out of jail.  He wants him to find out who hacked into Memorial with Dr. Shelby’s ID badge.   Kevin acts like it will be a waste of time, but agrees.  Michael stops by to see him.  Harding, who is looking buff, goes through Kevin’s desk when he walks away, and finds Dr. Shelby’s badge, which should be in a Dumpster but [the writers] Kevin is sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.  “What a surprise,” says Harding.

 

Jack and Kelly passionately make out on his bed.  She stops and says when Jack said he loved her, it scared her.  She’s been alone for so long now, with no one to count on.  “You have me now,” whispers Jack. 

 

They’re wrapped up in sheets after the commercial.  He asks how difficult it was when her brother killed her father.  She was away at school, and it was too hard for her to comprehend.  She couldn’t face Stitch and shut him out of her life.  He’s like what about your mom?  Oh, she’s never forgiven her either.  Say what?  Her violent drunk dad was barely in the ground and all her mom cared about was her teenaged son.  “Let’s save Ben, we gotta save Ben,” she mocks.  Kelly laughs bitterly when she realizes how awful she sounds with her grudges.  She gets a text.

 

Avery tells Dylan if Stitch is still hiding something, there must be a reason.  Dylan says that’s what they all say.  Snow white Dylan who stole Avery from her husband just feels humiliated about everyone putting something over on him.  Avery tries to get him to see reason.  His mother only lied out of love and protection for example.  And Nikki's just dumb.  And Avery guesses that whatever Stitch is hiding has NOTHING TO DO WITH DYLAN.  Word.  He became a soldier, doctor, a man worthy of being Dylan’s best friend, so why can’t he understand that Stitch wants to put this behind him and have a little peace?  Yeah, Dylan, try BEING a best friend.  Dylan…stares.

 

Pitiful Stitch is at Victoria’s door now.  He had to see her.  He can handle everyone else looking at him like they don’t know him…he doesn’t care what other people think, just her.  She lets him in.

 

Yin to Stitch’s yang, Billy’s at Chelsea’s door.  She admits she didn’t tell him about Stitch because she didn’t want him to get back together with Victoria.  She didn’t want to lose him.

 

Harding confronts Kevin.  He wants to know why Harding’s always gotta be harassing him.  Maybe because he found Dr. Shelby’s ID badge in his desk!  Kevin tries to play dumb, but Harding arrests him.

 

Jack sits and gazes at Phyllis’s perfume, Scarlet Menace, I mean, Mist, and Kelly walks in.  She’s like, you’re thinking of Phyllis right now?  Well…yes.  She accuses Jack of feeling guilty.  Pretty much.

 

Victoria tells Stitch that he lied right to her face about his past and would do it right now if he thought he could get away with it.  If there was anything more would he even tell her?  Yes, he admits.  There's more to this.

[peacheslatour]

Geez peach, for a day where absolutely NOTHING happened, you sure made it sound interesting.  Kudos!

[LeftPhalange]

 

Is There More To This?  There Must Be More To This.

 

I want something moreeeee thannnnn this.

 

 

Kelly’s run into Stitch at the club.  He looks miserable.  She stammers about, you know, the way it all came out…uh, um.  He says, and you’re sorry?

 

Smelly and Stench are so weird. Besides their other issues, I have no idea what to make of their relationship. A lot of the time they don't even seem like they like each other and they still give off an ex lovers vibe.

 

 

Dylan’s whining to Avery like a little girl about how he can’t believe he had no clue that Stitch did time for murdering his old man.  How is that even possible?  Understanding Avery says she does understand why someone doesn’t want to be known for a mistake they paid for years ago.  Dylan says this isn’t about lawyers and clients!  They aren’t people!  This is about Stitch, who was his friend.  He’s still your friend, says Avery.  What kind of friend?  Dylan confided in him and Stitch wasn’t honest with him about something incredibly more serious in return.  Maybe because you’re being an idiot about it.  Wait’ll he finds out his mother’s killed three people.

 

I kinda understand why Dylan is upset. After everything he and Stench went through while at war I think they should have developed a level of trust that would allow Stench to be honest about his past. Finding out your best friend killed someone, lied about his background, and stole someone's identity would be pretty shocking.

 

 

Kevin’s hastily packing up the evidence, uh, the reports, and slipping out, while Doc Bart says someone took the badge at Crimson Lights and hacked the personnel records.

 

I'm disappointed they're making Kevin so stupid. Yet another character is acting stupid so this stupid story can work.

 

 

She rubs her belly.

 

Vicki rubbed her belly to remind Dylan and Avery that she's pregnant.

 

 

Billy tells Jill that Vicky’s through with Dr. Deception for now, at least.  He overheard her tell her OB that she doesn’t want the paternity test.  “AT ALL?” asks Jill.  Yeah, because she says it’s just her baby now, which is true Newman philosophy.

 

VIcki not wanting to get back together with Billy is one thing, but what does that have to do with him being a part of the baby's life if it's his? Does she really think he would do anything to harm him/her? If so why does she let him spend time with Johnny.

 

 

Kelly tells Jack that Stitch alluded to the fact that this might not be over.  You mean Victoria?  She doesn’t think it was about that.  She hopes that somehow Vicky finds it in her heart to give Stitch a second chance.  Forgive Jack if he doesn’t share her sentiments since they are talking about his brother’s wife.

 

Smelly is so stupid for even getting involved with Jack after what happened between her and Billy. Who acts like this. She and Billy are the reason why his marriage is in ruins and why Stench even had the opportunity to insert himself into their lives.

 

 

Jack and Kelly passionately make out on his bed.  She stops and says when Jack said he loved her, it scared her.  She’s been alone for so long now, with no one to count on.  “You have me now,” whispers Jack.

 

 

Pitiful Stitch is at Victoria’s door now.  He had to see her.  He can handle everyone else looking at him like they don’t know him…he doesn’t care what other people think, just her.  She lets him in.

 

Someone tell Smelly and Stench desperation isn't attractive.

[Joimiaroxeu]

I can’t decide if I like her dress

I can. I thought looked like something put together by Edward Scissorhands. I follow the website that tracks down where a lot of the Y&R women's clothes can be purchased and I can't wait to see who's selling that rag.

 

Then suddenly, there was Victoria, drunk on tequila in the back of her SUV.

Life was looking up!

 

My name is Ben.  Friends call me Stitch.  But you can call me whatever you want

Fine, how about Murdering Stalker D-Bag?

 

Avery’s like…umm..you chose to be sexually involved with two idiots, which usually leads to complications.

In other words, you a basic (garden tool which rhymes with snow). My girl Avery doesn't pull any punches.

 

Harding, who is looking buff

IKR? I never really noticed how nicely formed he is until today. Hel-lo, Detective Harding.

[Petunia13]

Phylthys Perfume...Scarlett Mist sounds like a title of an episode of Dexter .

What does a perfume that smells like Phyllis smell like?

[PatsyandEddie]

Oh Petunia! LMAO! 

In the effort to keep it PG, I will offer " Eau de Dumpster"

Edited August 1, 2014 by PatsyandEddie