Snark Talk: Home, Home on the (De) Ranged

anneofcleves · January 20, 2018

I always picture Ree driving through Pawhuska like a presidential motorcade - a line of black SUVs traveling very close and at a high rate of speed. As the vehicles slow to park, the camera crews hastily pile out of the vehicles and scramble to get in position to film Ree delivering cookies to the homeless shelter or elderly shut in.

Now, thanks to hearing of all of their traffic tickets*, I’m envisioning a few dead bodies along the way as she mows them down in the parking lot of wherever they’re shooting.

* The cynic in me is not surprised to hear of all the unpaid parking tickets. I think that with that level of income, fame, and local celebrity a massive sense of entitlement, and downright cheapness about how they spend THEIR precious money, emerges in some people. A lot of stuff gets published about her that, I’m sure isn’t true, but for whatever reason I can totally picture this one.

Edited January 20, 2018 by anneofcleves

Lura · January 20, 2018

Last night I watched the episode called "Anniversary." I noticed that Ree referred to the day as HER anniversary. The thing that set me on my ear, though, was her pronunciation of the word as anni-ver-shury. I thought maybe that was some colloquial way of saying the word in Oklahoma, so I looked it up at Webster's. There were three pronunciations given, but none of them were Ree's version. Maybe Ree had a few slugs of bourbon first. In any case, we have a new "Ree-ism" -- Happy Annivershury, Ree. And where does Ladd fit into the picture?

Kohola3 · January 20, 2018

10 minutes ago, Lura said:

And where does Ladd fit into the picture?

Annivershuries are too girly for big ol' cowboy Ladd. He's off having beers and brats with the boys. She can stay home and have her girl food.

peacheslatour · January 20, 2018

If I was going to refer to something as "my anniversary" it would like the anniversary of my quitting smoking or something I had actually done myself, our wedding anniversary is not mine, it's ours. She's an idiot.

Lura · January 21, 2018

If the wedding is supposed to be all about the bride, then you can imagine why Ree remembers it so fondly. She even squealed to the camera that it was almost the exact time of day (when she was filming) as it was for "her" wedding! How thrilling is that? Ree is brainless. Her head is filled with some kind of a tape recording that she presses before each show so that she makes the same food, uses the same tired expressions, and reaches for the same spices every time. If it was "her" wedding and "her" wedding trip, how the heck did she ever get pregnant on "her" honeymoon?

Edited January 21, 2018 by Lura

peacheslatour · January 21, 2018

Quote

If it was "her" wedding and "her" wedding trip, how the heck did she ever get pregnant on "her" honeymoon?

Good one!

grisgris · January 22, 2018

When I read that in Ree's book, my first thought was that maybe she was preggers when she got married. I don't think for one moment that it was a shotgun wedding but maybe once Ladd put a ring on it, they did the deed. (I always cast a sideways glance at those tales of "so-and-so was born exactly nine months to the date of our wedding ... )Her book leads you to believe that they had a perfectly chaste courtship. Ree would always have to drive herself to the Drummond Ranch and she and Ladd would cook a meal then spend the evening watching movies on VHS tapes. (I don't believe that's all they did, either as Ladd had his own place.) Then after that exciting evening, Ree would drive herself home on dark unfamiliar roads. I only recall one story where Ladd actually drove to town, picked up Ree at her house, spoke to her family, then took her on a date. I would put up with that maybe once, and after we'd been dating for several months, otherwise forget it. (That's probably why I am nearly 59 and single! LOL!)

cathy · January 22, 2018

I made a mistake in my previous post. In the star magazine article it said that Ree and Ladd racked up 30, not 300 traffic tickets. I mis-typed it. Sorry everyone. The rest I wrote was accurate, with it being reported that they drive like maniacs. It also says that Ree and Ladd are "sweet" people.

Kohola3 · January 22, 2018

20 hours ago, Lura said:

If it was "her" wedding and "her" wedding trip, how the heck did she ever get pregnant on "her" honeymoon?

The same way their prize cows do? AI?

Quote

In the star magazine article it said that Ree and Ladd racked up 30, not 300 traffic tickets.

And do you think for a hot minute that any of use could get 30 tickets and walk around free?

film noire · January 22, 2018

9 hours ago, grisgris said:

Then after that exciting evening, Ree would drive herself home on dark unfamiliar roads. I only recall one story where Ladd actually drove to town, picked up Ree at her house, spoke to her family, then took her on a date. I would put up with that maybe once, and after we'd been dating for several months, otherwise forget it.

Riding shotgun with you on this post, GrisGris (which is good, since I can't drive. But I can scream out a window like a pro - "WE ARE LADY BANDITS, SON, RUN FER YER LIFE!" Also -- just so the lay of the land is clear in this scenario -- I'm dressed in Cher's "Half Breed" Bob Mackie outfit and you're wearing Bianca Jagger's iconic white pantsuit. We'll be singing "The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia" -- original recipe Vicki Lawrence - and we'll take to the night road and burn gas until everyone in this forum is on board, in their cups, and singing their favorite story song.)

Back to the topic at hand -- isn't the purpose of a cowboy (sidebar before I continue: I'm talking in broad stereotypes -- the kind found in bad rom-coms and Dear Penthouse letters) but isn't the whole purpose of a friggin' COWBOY supposed to be that said cowboy IS A GODDAMN GENTLEMAN? Tips his hat and runs to fetch you some refreshing water from that-there creek, ma'am, and tells this-here-city-girl that she's purtier than a dove's soft wing taking flight? Isn't that the whole schtick, right there? Fiddlers at a harvest moon dance playing "Oh My Darling Clementine" as the awkward but endearingly manly dude in his best checked shirt and hat wins your heart with his courtly cowboying? THAT SHIT?

Because what I get from Ree sure ain't that -- I get some lazy-ass sumbitch dude-bro who lets a woman drive home alone -- in the deep dark prairie, past fields full of Roswell rejects and an army of Slender Men -- cuz he's too fucking lazy and selfish and dozy from his 32 ounce steak and half pound of cream cheese mashed potatoes to do the right thing and see a lady home.

Fuck that shit. (Puts on Indian headress and climbs in pick-up) Giddy-up, GrisGris! We gotta make Lura's before sunrise! And a dozen more stops after that!

~and then the murders began

Edited January 22, 2018 by film noire

IOU Payne · January 22, 2018

When are you coming by my place? I'll be wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt, because that's what I usually wear. And my story-song is American Pie and we'll all sing along with Don McLean!

I'm a city girl who refuses to live anywhere that's not within walking distance of the Metro. So of course I met a farmer on line and we dated for a while. At first it was 50 Shades of Hay, but eventually I had to write him a John Deere letter.

I'll be here all week. And then the murders began.....

cathy · January 22, 2018

13 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

And do you think for a hot minute that any of use could get 30 tickets and walk around free?

Yes, but it depends upon how many tickets you get in one year. Also state law. In my state if you get 3 or more moving violations within one year your license is suspended for a period of time. I bet their insurance premiums are high.

Lura · January 22, 2018

I'm so glad yur comin' by to pick me up -- I hate sittin' home alone with my long-eared dawgs, watchin' re-runs. Didya know I grew up on a golf course? It's a long story, but my daddy's a doctor, an' he hated all the moles that dug holes in the ground at the course, so he'd grab one of his irons and go out an' take swings at the moles. Killed 'em every time! That's how Mole Golf Course got its name.

I used to live in the Big City of LA. Didya know that? That's where I learned kulture. I also learned how to be a vegetaryan. I ate scones at a coffee shop while lookin' fer a man, but it didn't turn out so good. So I came back here to the crossroads nobody ever heard of, got me a BFF named Hye, an' picked up a rich cowboy at a bar. Ev'ry Friday I'd drag myself to the grocery for a prime stake, potatoes for Hasselbecking, an' all sorts a fixin's and cook fer that cowboy every Sataday night while he watched cowboy movies. I got sick n tired of that, I can tell you, so I said, "No more you-know-what on yer lumpy bed 'til you marry me." He's an eater (of food), so of course he said yes, on one condition -- that I give him four kids to help on the ranch. Done! Jist like that!

Now I write a blog an' I'm known far and wide for my good deeds. Seems like I cook for the en-TIRE county! I don't want people thinkin' that all I do is travel to France, NYCity, 'n all those high-fallutin' places, so I bake my butt off and talk about my do-goodin' as much as people can take of it. I have a good rep for havin' a big heart.

I think I'm gonna get the kids to go out mole-huntin' tomorrow night and drop a big bag of 'em in Harvey's Grocery. He wouldn't discount his lobster for me last week. Wanna come along?

An' that's when the murders began....

Edited January 22, 2018 by Lura

film noire · January 22, 2018

6 hours ago, IOU Payne said:

When are you coming by my place? I'll be wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt, because that's what I usually wear. And my story-song is American Pie and we'll all sing along with Don McLean!

Soon! Listen for the signal at your window (GrisGris shouting "BUNCHA!")

(And I bow to your song choice: American Pie is an excellent call.)

Quote

At first it was 50 Shades of Hay, but eventually I had to write him a John Deere letter.

LOL

film noire · January 22, 2018

3 hours ago, Lura said:

I'm so glad yur comin' by to pick me up -- I hate sittin' home alone with my long-eared dawgs, watchin' re-runs. Didya know I grew up on a golf course? It's a long story, but my daddy's a doctor, an' he hated all the moles that dug holes in the ground at the course, so he'd grab one of his irons and go out an' take swings at the moles. Killed 'em every time! That's how Mole Golf Course got its name.

I used to live in the Big City of LA. Didya know that? That's where I learned kulture. I also learned how to be a vegetaryan. I ate scones at a coffee shop while lookin' fer a man, but it didn't turn out so good. So I came back here to the crossroads nobody ever heard of, got me a BFF named Hye, an' picked up a rich cowboy at a bar. Ev'ry Friday I'd drag myself to the grocery for a prime stake, potatoes for Hasselbecking, an' all sorts a fixin's and cook fer that cowboy every Sataday night while he watched cowboy movies. I got sick n tired of that, I can tell you, so I said, "No more you-know-what on yer lumpy bed 'til you marry me." He's an eater (of food), so of course he said yes, on one condition -- that I give him four kids to help on the ranch. Done! Jist like that!

Now I write a blog an' I'm known far and wide for my good deeds. Seems like I cook for the en-TIRE county! I don't want people thinkin' that all I do is travel to France, NYCity, 'n all those high-fallutin' places, so I bake my butt off and talk about my do-goodin' as much as people can take of it. I have a good rep for havin' a big heart.

I think I'm gonna get the kids to go out mole-huntin' tomorrow night and drop a big bag of 'em in Harvey's Grocery. He wouldn't discount his lobster for me last week. Wanna come along?

An' that's when the murders began....

(Applause)

So funny, Lura (and this line "So I came back here to the crossroads nobody ever heard of, got me a BFF named Hye, an' picked up a rich cowboy at a bar." - that's her whole life in one sentence. Funny *and* on the nose) Brava!

BUNCHA!

Edited January 22, 2018 by film noire

film noire · January 22, 2018

4 hours ago, cathy said:

Yes, but it depends upon how many tickets you get in one year. Also state law.

Get in the truck, Cathy - you're about to find out how many parking tickets Gris can rack up in two hours! - final stop is The Mercantile, folks. We should make good time, with no traffic (thanks to anneofcleves -- dressed like Anne of Cleves - being on board, we're a bonafide royal procession :)

Edited January 22, 2018 by film noire

IOU Payne · January 22, 2018

I think we should be blaring the Vengabus Song as we approach the Merc. And I'll wear a Deadpool t-shirt, because he's the Merc with the Mouth.

grisgris · January 22, 2018

BUNCHA! I'm gassin' up the 70s VW van as we speak and I'll be blaring "We Won't Get Fooled Again," whilst wearing my Who/Union Jack t-shirt. ("That's a damned funny-lookin' Confederate shirt you've got there, sister ..." ) We can drive through Panda Express while we're on the road.

Kohola3 · January 22, 2018

Road trip!

grisgris · January 22, 2018

I sent an invite to my old friend in Tulsa the other night via LinkedIn and I'll see if she answers. If there is a way we reconnect and she's amendable to me passing through Tulsa, I may strive once again to make the pilgrimage to the Merc this year. (Not holding my breath!)

film noire · January 23, 2018

3 hours ago, grisgris said:

whilst wearing my Who/Union Jack t-shirt. ("That's a damned funny-lookin' Confederate shirt you've got there, sister ..." )

LOL

ShoePrincess · January 23, 2018

My first post here. I recognize Lura from the Barefoot Contessa boards.

Y'all are killin' me. I'm ready to hop on the VW bus to hell. As an aside, I really did have a 1970 VW us, which I loved. I'll be wearing a gray long-sleeve t-shirt emblazoned with the words "Life's short. Drink champagne." I think the Beatles' " Bungalow Bill" might be an appropriate song to sing as we enter Pawhuska.

Hey, Bungalow Bill

What did you kill, Bungalow Bill.

Lura · January 23, 2018

1 hour ago, ShoePrincess said:

My first post here.

Welcome, ShoePrincess! You arrived during one of our silly times, but be patient. We can dish the snark, too. From your name, I take it that you're as crazy for shoes as Ree is for boots.

film noire · January 23, 2018

7 hours ago, ShoePrincess said:

My first post here. I recognize Lura from the Barefoot Contessa boards.

Y'all are killin' me. I'm ready to hop on the VW bus to hell. As an aside, I really did have a 1970 VW us, which I loved. I'll be wearing a gray long-sleeve t-shirt emblazoned with the words "Life's short. Drink champagne." I think the Beatles' " Bungalow Bill" might be an appropriate song to sing as we enter Pawhuska.

Welcome & BUNCHA, ShoePrincess!

IOU Payne · January 23, 2018

Hi, ShoePrincess!

grisgris, I saw The Who a BUNCHA times (twice, 40 years apart! My son took me the last time for my 60th birthday!) Won't Get Fooled Again was one of the many highlights. Roger Daltrey still has an amazing voice - he nailed the scream at the end of the song!!!! As we take over the Merc, will we have to sing "Meet the new boss/Not the same as the old boss?" Because there will be some new sherrifs in town! We'll slash all the offending items from the menu just for starters. Our slogn: Gender neutral food that on't kill ya!

anneofcleves · January 23, 2018

12 hours ago, grisgris said:

I sent an invite to my old friend in Tulsa the other night via LinkedIn and I'll see if she answers. If there is a way we reconnect and she's amendable to me passing through Tulsa, I may strive once again to make the pilgrimage to the Merc this year. (Not holding my breath!)

We will expect a full, online fashion show, fully accessorized, with you and your friend in Pioneer Woman fashions! Do it before you eat!

Edited January 23, 2018 by anneofcleves

grisgris · January 23, 2018

Welcome, shoeprincess! The Who was the very first concert I saw when I was in high school. back in 1975! I had seen "Tommy" and had a HUGE crush on Roger Daltrey. (Keith Moon was still alive and they did not disappoint. Roger wore that skin-toned suede fringed outfit. YOWSA!) Fast-forward 20 some years later and I went to see The Who. My friends and I followed the crowd to the hotel where the band members were staying, hoping to catch a glimpse or maybe an autograph. It was the 90s after all, so I had on ice blue satin pants (cringe) and these beige-ish heels with ankle straps that were wobbly. I lost my balance and sort of tripped. I felt a hand at my elbow and a male voice asking, "Miss, are you OK?" OMG! I'd nearly fallen over on Roger Daltrey! I think I managed to gulp out, "Excuse me," and my friends and I complimented him on the show before we got jostled out of the way by other people. I have never washed my elbow since! Ha! Ha!

IOU Payne, if you want to hear a great non-Who song by RD, go on YT and search for "Kashmir" sung as a duet by Roger and Ann Wilson! IMHO, it's almost better than Zep's version!

Off to gas up the van, but I'm having a hard time find a station with 1960s pricing ...

Edited January 23, 2018 by grisgris

peacheslatour · January 23, 2018

Quote

Roger wore that skin-toned suede fringed outfit.

Did you know he made that outfit himself? He had a shed out back of his parents house where he had a sewing machine and he would make a lot of his own clothes. He got that leather from a car upholstery shop.

grisgris · January 23, 2018

Wow, peaches! That's very interesting! I thought it looked like it was made out of car chamois, so I guess I am not too far off the mark. I read way too many memoirs of rock stars (more often written by their bitter, jaded, ex-wives!) and first of all, I can't get over how tiny all of those guys are. When a lot of them were getting started, they wore the clothes of their "model" girlfriends or wives during the boho chic days in London. I also read that in the lean salad days of Aerosmith, Steven Tyler got his stage clothes at thrift shops and a lot of them were women's outfits. I guess they were so raggedy that he just ended up wrapping them around the mic stand. LOL!

Stevie Nicks' stage clothes always were a source of fascination to me. While they were beautiful, they didn't really go with the rock chick persona she was trying to cultivate. I have always read that Janis Joplin and men like Hendrix, etc., were her early inspirations, but the ethereal "good witch" airy-fairy dresses didn't quite click. The stuff she wore with FM were closer to the mark, but not for her solo gigs. Oh, well ... gotta love her ... no matter how she dresses.

peacheslatour · January 23, 2018

Quote

Steven Tyler got his stage clothes at thrift shops and a lot of them were women's outfits.

Same with Robert Plant.

ShoePrincess · January 23, 2018

Goad to be here for a buncha good snarking on she who I call the (faux)pioneer woman.

I'd be happy to bring my accordion along on the VW bus to hell ... I mean, the Merc ... to accompany our singing.

grisgris · January 23, 2018

3 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Same with Robert Plant.

That's probably why (ahem) he was unable to button his shirts. (No complaints, here!)

IOU Payne · January 23, 2018

So, basically I have a 40-year-long collective crush on curly-haired blond Brit lead singers. Daltrey, Plant and Ian Hunter = so awesome!

ShoePrincess, if you take requests, I'd love to hear Bad Romance. That song was made for the accordian. (BTW, I have seen Weird Al in concert three times too)

grisgris · January 24, 2018

I like Weird Al and Ian Hunter. I like that you are equally opportunity and included a ginger in the mix!

Well, I liked Steven Tyler (when he was younger) and Joe Perry past and present. I think that Jimmy Page is one who definitely got better looking as he aged. I dig his white ponytail.

"Kicking and Dreaming," by Ann and Nancy Wilson is a good read. There are full details of Ian Hunter and Ann immediately hooking up when he toured with Heart. What can I say? They are both Geminis. He was married at the time (so what?)

IOU Payne · January 24, 2018

Oh, I must read Kicking and Dreaming! I saw Heart in 1977 when they opened for Rod Stewart. I saw them a few years ago with Joan Jett opening. Heart's encore as a Zep medley. Amazingly wonderfu!!l

film noire · January 24, 2018

I love this crazy little forum :)

grisgris · January 24, 2018

Me, too! So many kindred spirits here. It's too bad we're all spread across the nation. Love you all!

ShoePrincess · January 24, 2018

Quote

51 minutes ago, film noire said:

I love this crazy little forum :)

So do I. I love the Barefoot Contessa forums for actual food and cooking things. My 600 Pound Life is the cautionary tale that nudges me towards the gym on days when I'd rather be a slug. This is a great place for some good snarking.

Add me to the gang of music fans here. I saw the Who back in the early days. Back in the really early days, I saw the Beatles in. On our first date, Mr. Shoe Princess took me to a Leon Redbone concert. Thirty-two years later, we still love going to concerts. Sheryl Crow was the most recent.

Lura · January 24, 2018

I'm sittin' up here in the front of the bus, taking tickets. No ticket, you don't get on. It's a darned good policy since Ree has spies all over town. She leaves that work to Don Guido, the guy who owns the adult "book store" and video place and also owns the Smoke Shop (anything you wanna smoke). Ree and Don Guido been friends since they was in Bartlesville in the same class, and he was the only pimply-faced Italian she knew, long before he became head of the Pawtuska mafia.

Don Guido and I became acquainted because I love opera, as long as it's sung by Placido Domingo, that sexy tenor. Guido and I got into a serious argument when he claimed that Pavarotti was the greatest tenor, and I said Domingo was. We made up over a dinner of fava beans and a nice Chianti. Well, anyway, his boys are all over town and don't miss hardly anything, so this ticket policy is a must. You guys can sit in the back of the bus and raise hell singin' that wild band music you can't understand a word of, and I'll stay here with my headphones listening to Domingo and maybe even singin' along. You can't understand a word he's singin' either, but at least it's in Italian or German and doesn't matter. BUNCHA!

Edited January 24, 2018 by Lura

peacheslatour · January 24, 2018

Quote

BUNCHA!

We should get pink truckers caps with this printed on them instead of those red ones certain people wear.

Kohola3 · January 24, 2018

I'm coming along - because I can.

Lura · January 24, 2018

3 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

We should get pink truckers caps with this printed on them instead of those red ones certain people wear.

You're darned tootin', Peaches! Great idea! We'll become known all over the Southwest as the Buncha Gang! I also think we should all be armed with a cans of neon pink spray paint... you know, for little words we might like to leave behind.

peacheslatour · January 24, 2018

I was just on Amazon and they have cut baseball style hats in pink and they are customizable. I just can't get the text to stick. If anyone can do this they are $5.99, I'll send you the cash. #BUNCHA!

Edited January 24, 2018 by peacheslatour

IOU Payne · January 25, 2018

I could give it a shot, peaches. Send me the link. Thanks a BUNCHA!

peacheslatour · January 25, 2018

13 minutes ago, IOU Payne said:

I could give it a shot, peaches. Send me the link. Thanks a BUNCHA!

Oh, dude. If only I knew how to send links.

Lura · January 26, 2018

On ‎1‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 5:16 PM, peacheslatour said:

Oh, dude. If only I knew how to send links.

That's no problem, Peaches. All we need is the item number so we know we're looking at the same item you are.

Ooooo, we're all going to look so cute in our pink BUNCHA caps! You know, Ree is going to be so jealous. She'll probably wish that SHE had a pink cap to clash with her orange hair, just like some of her blouses do.

grisgris · January 26, 2018

I am on Amazon.com and there are literallly a buncha pink baseball caps but I can't find any for $5.99 that you can customize.

Can you go back to the page, go up to the URL, copy (highlight the link and copy it Controlp and paste it Controlv here?

This one just screams "REE!" to me, complete with her silly butterfly pot lid handles.

https://www.amazon.com/KitMax-Personalized-Butterfly-Embroidered-Baseball/dp/B017Q0W69O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1517009736&sr=8-1&keywords=women's+personalized+pink+baseball+caps

Edited January 26, 2018 by grisgris

chessiegal · January 26, 2018

On ‎1‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 8:16 PM, peacheslatour said:

Oh, dude. If only I knew how to send links.

Put your mouse over the URL of the page and right click. An option of "copy" should come up, click that, then come here to comment. When you are in the comment section, right click on your mouse again, and a "paste" option comes up - click on that. The link will show up - won't be pretty but it will link.

IOU Payne · January 27, 2018

grisgris, that's the fugliest cap I've ever seen! Too bad they don't ship to Montreal, because this lil' filly would totally buy it! I wouldn't wear it unless there was an M-16 waving at me, but still.....

Kohola3 · January 27, 2018

26 minutes ago, IOU Payne said:

grisgris, that's the fugliest cap I've ever seen!

Yep, which it is so totally suitable for the Merc staff to wear. I wonder how many would quit?

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