Small Talk: I Like Them All, I Just Can't Choose!

[Booney]

21 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:

Well said, @Friedbaloney.

I agree with everyone. I snark more on what people say and how they act. People can't help it if they have a big nose, thin lips or whatever. I've remarked on the way someone is dressed. OES chooses to dress in a way that I don't mind saying I don't like it. Carolyn is a sales person and dresses in what she sells. She can make better choices, yes, but she's not being whore-ish. Carolyn dresses like most women I see 24/7. Not the outfit I said looks like a green christmas cracker. A t-shirt with another shirt on the top over jeans is the look I see all day. I'm not watching to see how fat I can say she is today, etc. 

I've asked myself many times if I want to participate in a current discussion or not. At this point Mr. Namaste gets no good words from me but I don't want to waste energy typing the same thing again that we all think. I feel the same way about the ex-host and the one who spars with Isaac. 

When a self-described designer picks sand or cardboard walls, it's time to replace them on the show. Those people aren't viable designers. They aren't even a good crafter. Some people just aren't good at designing or making things. 

My aunt took 2 sheets of manila paper, drew a design on one of them, stapled the 2 sheets together and stuffed the pocket full of cotton balls. She called it a "pillow" and gifted it to me. We were all supposed to ooh and aah over it. I did thank her, but it's not decorative nor usable.

She also took some old hardback books, glued them all together in a stacked look. She added purple mardi gras beads glued to the top. It was supposed to be a coffee table knick knack. These were old hardback books she ruined to do this. I would have gone the easy route and stacked the books directly on the coffee table without glue or beads. She boasts about her academic degrees, but deserves an F with her projects. 

Crafts are supposed to be about taking something not worth much anymore and turning them into something valuable or usable again, IMHO. My aunt took things that were worth something before but turned them into something worthless. The same with the straw walls, feather walls, sand and cardboard. That's destruction, not creation. 

Your aunt actually sounds like a hoot, but I probably wouldn't be saying that if I was the recipient of her "creations." To your point though, she should build her creations with things that don't have value - it's a shame to ruin nice books.

[MichelleAK]

We've added several new chain restaurants up here in the past few years, but still no Red Lobster or Cheesecake Factory. I occasionally go to both while traveling "outside." I do like the Cheesecake Factory, but always feel guilty, because I have to leave half the entrée behind. If I had one near home, I could take it home for later, but that's usually not possible while traveling. I haven't really noticed the prices being ridiculously high at those two restaurants, but being from Alaska, all the prices up here are high, even chain and fast food (usually a couple bucks more than the lower 48).

My usual "must go" when outside is Five Guys Burgers & Fries, if one is reasonably close. I'm going to Seattle at the end of the month, and will definitely be hitting up the Five Guys in Lynnwood (which is where my hotel is).

[StaceyNotStacie]

Everything is so "open concept" and modern that I wonder what type of designers they will have. I don't think we will see straw on the walls this time around. 

On another topic, they announced that the last two Kmarts in our town are closing this year. At one point we had five of them, including two Super Kmarts. I think the only reason they lasted as long as they did was because they were in good locations. I hadn't been in one since last fall, but they've been dumpy looking for years. 

[Thumper]

26 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:

Well said, @Friedbaloney.

I agree with everyone. I snark more on what people say and how they act. People can't help it if they have a big nose, thin lips or whatever. I've remarked on the way someone is dressed. OES chooses to dress in a way that I don't mind saying I don't like it. Carolyn is a sales person and dresses in what she sells. She can make better choices, yes, but she's not being whore-ish. Carolyn dresses like most women I see 24/7. Not the outfit I said looks like a green christmas cracker. A t-shirt with another shirt on the top over jeans is the look I see all day. I'm not watching to see how fat I can say she is today, etc. 

I've asked myself many times if I want to participate in a current discussion or not. At this point Mr. Namaste gets no good words from me but I don't want to waste energy typing the same thing again that we all think. I feel the same way about the ex-host and the one who spars with Isaac. 

When a self-described designer picks sand or cardboard walls, it's time to replace them on the show. Those people aren't viable designers. They aren't even a good crafter. Some people just aren't good at designing or making things. 

My aunt took 2 sheets of manila paper, drew a design on one of them, stapled the 2 sheets together and stuffed the pocket full of cotton balls. She called it a "pillow" and gifted it to me. We were all supposed to ooh and aah over it. I did thank her, but it's not decorative nor usable.

She also took some old hardback books, glued them all together in a stacked look. She added purple mardi gras beads glued to the top. It was supposed to be a coffee table knick knack. These were old hardback books she ruined to do this. I would have gone the easy route and stacked the books directly on the coffee table without glue or beads. She boasts about her academic degrees, but deserves an F with her projects. 

Crafts are supposed to be about taking something not worth much anymore and turning them into something valuable or usable again, IMHO. My aunt took things that were worth something before but turned them into something worthless. The same with the straw walls, feather walls, sand and cardboard. That's destruction, not creation. 

The paper pillow has me scratching my head, and yes, giggling!  :-)

[lovemesomejoolery]

4 minutes ago, Thumper said:

The paper pillow has me scratching my head, and yes, giggling!  :-)

Me, too.  I actually took two pieces of paper in my hand so I could visualize it, then laughed my bee-hind off.

@TexasTiffany - are you sure your aunt wasn't a bit "touched"?

**touched = crazy

[Booney]

4 hours ago, Friedbaloney said:

Good for you, Walnutqueen! Sounds like all those critters lucked out in finding you. ♥️

I try to create a haven in my yard too. The ferals I used to take care of (and also got fixed) passed away a few years ago but I've had a woodchuck living underneath my garage for seven years now! Not in the least bit friendly but I enjoy having it around-- even when it does occasionally eat my petunias! 

I have as well. We have all manner of wildlife in our backyard. We have several bird feeders, two bird houses and two bird baths so there are many different types of birds. We also put out a wildlife "trail mix" and ears of field corn for the squirrels and others. There is a group of nine deer that visit regularly (although I do try to keep them off my plants), as well as ground hogs and rabbits. Lately, we've seen a fox in and around the yard. Last year, we had a couple of coyote sightings in the yard, which sounds crazy for southeastern PA but they're everywhere now.

If you provide certain things in your backyard like feeding stations, fresh water, trees, nesting boxes, etc. you can become a Certified Wildlife Habitat by the National Wildlife Federation. I did it a couple of years ago. Basically, you fill out a questionnaire and pay a small fee and receive a certificate. It's probably of little value, lol, but it's still cool to have!

Edited June 7, 2017 by Booney

[Fishy]

4 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Since Pamela effing Hupp has been caught, I've shifted my "kill if I'm dying" list to any & all animal abusers.  I just can't abide the thought of sharing a planet with them.

I have a lovely little family of fixed semi-ferals who were born & raised in my back yard jungle.  It has been a haven for all creatures since I bought this place in '88, and I am an equal opportunity feeder - all critters are welcome to the unending food, as long as they don't fight.  My raccoons, possums, skunks & wild birds all find it an excellent place to raise their young, and they all get along.  Right now, I am teaching this lesson to a couple of neighborhood tomcats who want to fight each other on my property.  I've been unable to catch them, but I turned the hose on them the other day when they were killing each other in an impenetrable thicket.

The only way these creatures will ever suffer or be abandoned is if I am unable to find someone to inherit this dump when I die.  That's really the only drawback to being a reclusive old cat lady.  :-)

@Walnutqueen, I admire your efforts for the feral cat.  I'm a cat lover but have seen the unrest feeding feral cats can raise with other people who don't feel the same way.  

[Fishy]

57 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:

My aunt took 2 sheets of manila paper, drew a design on one of them, stapled the 2 sheets together and stuffed the pocket full of cotton balls. She called it a "pillow" and gifted it to me. We were all supposed to ooh and aah over it. I did thank her, but it's not decorative nor usable.

Was this meant to be a joke??  I call myself a craft person, but have never heard of a project such as this - totally goes right over my head.

[Fishy]

4 hours ago, PearlClutcher said:

I'm a tad embarassed about my ugly remarks in the other board.  Trying to elevate myself is a real struggle sometimes. 

Yes, sometimes it feels like a full time job for me... (groan)   There's just something about the 'anonymity' of it all that can be really seductive when you're in a bad mood or weak of will.  Not to be preachy, but I pray about it a L O T!

[TexasTiffany]

33 minutes ago, lovemesomejoolery said:

Me, too.  I actually took two pieces of paper in my hand so I could visualize it, then laughed my bee-hind off.

@TexasTiffany - are you sure your aunt wasn't a bit "touched"?

**touched = crazy

My aunt fancied herself an intellectual and better than any of us. I can see a child of 4 being enthusiastic over making a manila paper pillow, but not a 58 year old. 

11 minutes ago, Fishy said:

Was this meant to be a joke??  I call myself a craft person, but have never heard of a project such as this - totally goes right over my head.

We had gathered for a family reunion. 8 of us received a "pillow". I was lucky. Mine fit into my suitcase. I later used the cotton balls to remove nail polish. None of us understood it as a practical joke. Unfortunately. 

I wish I had it now. I could post it to her fb page and see if she'd own up to it. 

[WaitForMe]

49 minutes ago, Stacey1014 said:

Everything is so "open concept" and modern that I wonder what type of designers they will have. I don't think we will see straw on the walls this time around. 

On another topic, they announced that the last two Kmarts in our town are closing this year. At one point we had five of them, including two Super Kmarts. I think the only reason they lasted as long as they did was because they were in good locations. I hadn't been in one since last fall, but they've been dumpy looking for years. 

Yeah, our Kmart is closing too. That will leave us with just a Walmart. Too bad,  but I've seen it where Kmart had only a few cars in the parking lot. As a matter of fact, that was the norm, so I knew this was coming. I will miss shopping there. 

[Booney]

10 minutes ago, WaitForMe said:

Yeah, our Kmart is closing too. That will leave us with just a Walmart. Too bad,  but I've seen it where Kmart had only a few cars in the parking lot. As a matter of fact, that was the norm, so I knew this was coming. I will miss shopping there. 

All the KMarts near me have closed. I can't say I shopped there. The one closest to me was a mess and never looked very clean. I'm not a big Walmart shopper, but I think they do it better than KMart.

[Fishy]

22 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:

My aunt fancied herself an intellectual and better than any of us. I can see a child of 4 being enthusiastic over making a manila paper pillow, but not a 58 year old. 

We had gathered for a family reunion. 8 of us received a "pillow". I was lucky. Mine fit into my suitcase. I later used the cotton balls to remove nail polish. None of us understood it as a practical joke. Unfortunately. 

I wish I had it now. I could post it to her fb page and see if she'd own up to it. 

I know I myself would love to see that.  Oh well, I suppose worse things have been created in the name of art.  Hee!

8 minutes ago, Booney said:

All the KMarts near me have closed. I can't say I shopped there. The one closest to me was a mess and never looked very clean. I'm not a big Walmart shopper, but I think they do it better than KMart.

I still dearly miss one of my local Kmarts in particular, only this one.  One that was clean and always well stocked and easy to get in and out of.  So many retail stores anymore have expanded soooo much to include any and everything that it's a major hike to walk through them for one item.

Edited June 7, 2017 by Fishy

[ennui]

57 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:

We had gathered for a family reunion. 8 of us received a "pillow".

Let this be a warning to those of you who do not maintain a gift closet. You may find yourself staying up late, making paper pillows stuffed with cotton balls for the family reunion.

[Bronx Babe]

On 6/6/2017 at 0:16 PM, Thumper said:

Bronx Babe, any update on your mom?

@Thumper  Thank you for asking.  It's getting more complicated by the minute.  The head nurse at the nursing home said I should consider hospice, even though Mom is not terminally ill.  This nurse said that it's not a "death sentence" and that my mother just might need more "comfort" or whatever, even though she is stable now after they brought her heartbeat down. She's been lethargic and not eating enough.  I told the nurse that if Mom needs more help than the nursing home can give in terms of a health crisis, that they should send her back to the hospital.  The "attending physician's assistant" at the nursing home (not Mom's PCP) told me in so many words that even though Mom has bounced back before from these hospital stays, at 96 she is "declining".  I am now wondering if this is because Mom has a DNR in place, and if the nursing home thinks they no longer have to provide maximum care.  As POA, perhaps I should revoke the DNR?  That is, if Mom has a respiratory or heart seizure, I would want them to do everything they can to prolong her life.  I'm so confused.  Even her PCP, who she has known for over 20 years, told me that at 96 it would behoove me to utilize the DNR, as what quality of life could she continue to have -- so I don't know if even this primary care doctor would think my revoking the DNR a wise thing.  I just want Mom around for as long as possible.  The nursing home is pushing the hospice thing but Mom is nowhere near death's door.  Yes, it probably is a "matter of time" but I don't believe quite yet.

Edited June 8, 2017 by Bronx Babe

[ennui]

2 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

As POA, perhaps I should revoke the DNR?  That is, if Mom has a respiratory or heart seizure, I would want them to do everything they can to prolong her life. 

NO. It's not about what you want, it's about what your mother would want. 

I realize that you are struggling with this, but your mother is 96. She's had a good run. 

I think hospice is an excellent idea. They are wonderful people, and it is not a death sentence. 

[Bronx Babe]

Thanks so much for this input, @ennui.  I want to do the right thing.  It's just so overwhelming.

[SuprSuprElevated]

Regarding K-Mart and the retail landscape in general - 

Yes, KM was a victim of Walmart, but also of their own complacency IMO.  Before Walmart came to our area, the 2 or 3 KMs nearby had all of that business.  The stores were sloppy, dirty, poorly merchandised and customer service was a foreign concept.  Though you won't catch me singing Walmart's praises necessarily, the came-they saw-they conquered.  By the time KM knew what hit 'em, it was too late. I'm amazed that they have lasted this long.  Sears will be next, and probably Penney's after that.  These things to me are all what is wrong with Retail Land, across the board; brick and mortar, e-retail, television...all of it.  Poor customer service and a failure to recognize what the customers want.  The companies that focus on and master these things will survive, the rest will fail, and then we will be in a full blown helluva mess, trying to figure out what unskilled people will do for jobs.  We're headed that way anyway, but that's another story.

[ennui]

6 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

Thanks so much for this input, @ennui.  I want to do the right thing.  It's just so overwhelming.

Of course it is. This is one of those times when we all wish life came with a manual, so we knew what to do. This is where hospice can really help; they help your mother, but they also help you. It's like a flock of angels show up, and you'll wish you had called them sooner.

[Bronx Babe]

@ennui, Navigating the health care system has certainly been eye-opening for me.  That's all I will say.

As a fellow Moonstruck lover, the one quote that really sticks me with from that movie isn't "Snap out of it!" but Cosmo's "Everything is temporary!" 

So this too shall pass....

Edited June 7, 2017 by Bronx Babe
Birds fly to the stars, I guess

[Thumper]

I agree with Ennui.  What does your mom want?  Hospice will be able to talk with her, too. Thanks for the update. I know it is hard, and it sounds like you are doing this all on your own. That's a lot to bear.  ❤️

[Bronx Babe]

Thanks, @Thumper  I need to look through all the paperwork in connection with this and re-read everything carefully.  It's extremely depressing.  Yes I am going it alone.

Edited June 7, 2017 by Bronx Babe

[Bronx Babe]

14 minutes ago, hummingbird said:

I've been through this 

the last place u want to be is have her in the hospital without a DNR 

We did have one in place for my mother and wanted to avoide that scenario at all costs 

@hummingbird, forgive me but could you clarify a bit?  Do you mean if she's in the hospital she should not have a DNR so they can do everything to save her life?

Edited June 8, 2017 by Bronx Babe

[SuprSuprElevated]

@Bronx Babe - Everyone has a first time dealing with these things, so the experience is gained on the fly so to speak.  I've linked to the National Hospice page for you here:  about-hospice-and-palliative-care .  Perhaps this will help you to understand more about what they do, but more importantly, what to ask.  Call them and ask to see a representative one-on-one, and before your meeting with them, make a list of questions you might have.  You are your mother's advocate, and it's a heady experience, as many of us know.  Keeping her wishes and well-being at the forefront is a big responsibility, but you're up for it.  There's lots of resources for folks in your shoes, don't shy away from using them, and ask-ask-ask!  No dumb questions when it comes to this stuff.

[ennui]

5 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

Do you mean if she's in the hospital she should not have a DNR so they can do everything to save her life?

You need to give a lot of thought to what you are "saving." Would your mother want to be hooked to machines, with a feeding tube? If you do not have a DNR in place, you don't get to participate in the decisions. 

There are some things worse than death. 

[SuprSuprElevated]

1 minute ago, ennui said:

There are some things worse than death. 

Amen & amen.  

9 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

@hummingbird, forgive me but could you clarify a bit?  Do you mean if she's in the hospital she should not have a DNR so they can do everything to save her life?

No, I think she means avoid the hospital period, but especially if there is no DNR in place.  That would be my advice.

[Denver Hoosier]

The last Kmart is closing in Northern Indiana.  At one time there were dozens, and although they have become largely laughable now, at one time they were vibrant parts of the community.  We bought our school supplies there - both my own and years later my sons', we bought Chtistmas lights, pajamas, rosebushes, tires, kitchen gadgets, outfitted our first apartments and dorm rooms there. Many of us had our first job at Kmart.  I did, as did my older son. I bought a crib and a car seat, receiving blankets and baby shampoo, baseball gloves and hockey sticks for my kids there.   Many of our mothers took a Christmas job there and put our Christmas gifts on layaway.  It is sad to see the original store that was opened in the early '60s, snd the final one still standing, closing.

Totally off topic, I know, but the news hit me hard.

[SuprSuprElevated]

1 minute ago, Denver Hoosier said:

The last Kmart is closing in Northern Indiana.  At one time there were dozens, and although they have become largely laughable now, at one time they were vibrant parts of the community.  We bought our school supplies there - both my own and years later my sons', we bought Chtistmas lights, pajamas, rosebushes, tires, kitchen gadgets, outfitted our first apartments and dorm rooms there. Many of us had our first job at Kmart.  I did, as did my older son. I bought a crib and a car seat, receiving blankets and baby shampoo, baseball gloves and hockey sticks for my kids there.   Many of our mothers took a Christmas job there and put our Christmas gifts on layaway.  It is sad to see the original store that was opened in the early '60s, snd the final one still standing, closing.

Totally off topic, I know, but the news hit me hard.

Is the Mishawaka one the last one?  Heard it was closing, didn't realize it was the last one.

[Gam2]

My mother-in-law was in assisted living. She was on dialysis and had a disease that affected her not only physically but mentally. She insisted to my husband and me that she didn't want a DNR but wanted everything done to save her life. She was 86 years old and frankly, not in her right mind. Over some time, we were able to speak gently to her to try to convince her that this was not what she'd want at the end of her life. At the end, her doctor called my husband to say that it was time to stop dialysis (after many, many hospitalizations for various health problems).The day before we went to see her to tell her this, she had someone call my husband to say she'd decided on her own to stop dialysis. She died 2 weeks later. I've always been grateful that my husband didn't have to make that decision for his mom. She died peacefully with her family around her and ready to join her family in heaven. We were at peace with that. 

[SuprSuprElevated]

Just now, hummingbird said:

I think you need to talk to someone at the nursing home or hospice and her physician who can guide you through this process, you know  yr mother and her wishes.  

I can on,y speak to my experience and what I want done for me 

Yes, this is the best advice.  Hope I haven't overreached.

[Bronx Babe]

24 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

@Bronx Babe - Everyone has a first time dealing with these things, so the experience is gained on the fly so to speak.  I've linked to the National Hospice page for you here:  about-hospice-and-palliative-care .  Perhaps this will help you to understand more about what they do, but more importantly, what to ask.  Call them and ask to see a representative one-on-one, and before your meeting with them, make a list of questions you might have.  You are your mother's advocate, and it's a heady experience, as many of us know.  Keeping her wishes and well-being at the forefront is a big responsibility, but you're up for it.  There's lots of resources for folks in your shoes, don't shy away from using them, and ask-ask-ask!  No dumb questions when it comes to this stuff.

Thank you so much for that link, @SuprSuprElevated.  It's not about whiny Baby Boomer me right now but my mother.

27 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Amen & amen.  

No, I think she means avoid the hospital period, but especially if there is no DNR in place.  That would be my advice.

Thank you.

I feel so, I don't know, like a babe in the woods with all this.

[Bronx Babe]

12 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Yes, this is the best advice.  Hope I haven't overreached.

You haven't.  I value the opinions of all you wise women on these boards.

[ennui]

6 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

I feel so, I don't know, like a babe in the woods with all this.

No one is ever prepared, so don't be hard on yourself. The hospice folks will help you, they have the experience. They will hold your hand and walk you through it.

[Bronx Babe]

25 minutes ago, Gam2 said:

My mother-in-law was in assisted living. She was on dialysis and had a disease that affected her not only physically but mentally. She insisted to my husband and me that she didn't want a DNR but wanted everything done to save her life. She was 86 years old and frankly, not in her right mind. Over some time, we were able to speak gently to her to try to convince her that this was not what she'd want at the end of her life. At the end, her doctor called my husband to say that it was time to stop dialysis (after many, many hospitalizations for various health problems).The day before we went to see her to tell her this, she had someone call my husband to say she'd decided on her own to stop dialysis. She died 2 weeks later. I've always been grateful that my husband didn't have to make that decision for his mom. She died peacefully with her family around her and ready to join her family in heaven. We were at peace with that. 

Thank you for sharing this very personal story, @Gam2.  It sounds like you all came to a place of peace at the end.

3 minutes ago, ennui said:

No one is ever prepared, so don't be hard on yourself. The hospice folks will help you, they have the experience. They will hold your hand and walk you through it.

Thanks.  I'm noticing a tendency to get more cynical as I deal with all these health care providers and professionals.  I do not want to think that the nursing home is recommending hospice because of the fact Mom is a DNR patient.

[CanuckGal]

On 6/6/2017 at 1:02 PM, Fishy said:

oh.my.gosh, I totally agree and I'm no better - I totally get sucked in and then hate myself for how I sound.  Lately, I've been remembering something that Jen Coffey posted and it really stayed with me.   "You can't hang out with negative people and expect to live a positive life".   The ignore feature does work and depending on how you feel that particular day, you can always read what you've hidden.  I do that,  because I have days I can tolerate and then there are days I can't.  And another thing that bums me out is I seriously think there's a clique mentality that exists and if you don't participate well - who cares about you.  But like everything else it ebbs and flows.  Hang in there - you are not alone.

That's how I feel too, and partly why I haven't posted in awhile. I've still been reading. 

[ennui]

10 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

Thanks.  I'm noticing a tendency to get more cynical as I deal with all these health care providers and professionals.  I do not want to think that the nursing home is recommending hospice because of the fact Mom is a DNR patient.

I think they are recommending hospice from a place of kindness. You would want your mother comfortable and pain-free; you won't get that kind of care in a hospital.

Edited June 8, 2017 by ennui

[CanuckGal]

23 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

I haven't followed the Shopping Channel thread for about a year, ever since my Mum went into hospice, and thereafter rarely even did a quick driveby of jewelry shows.  Mum's forays into the Canadian shopping channel with funds I went into debt for that were supposed to be for her groceries gave me a new perspective on TV shopping in general, and my own past proclivities to indulge in jewelry and stained glass lamps in particular (back when I could afford such foolishness!).  When I saw the scads of her janky shopping channel jewelry the hospice folks sent to me, and noticed all the fine gold, silver, gemstone and unique collectible vintage jewelry I'd given her over the years was all missing, it left a very bad taste in my mouth.

But I do remember the Shopping Channel thread devolving into mayhem many times - so extreme that the Mods actually closed the thread on several occasions (sometimes for DAYS!).  I may miss the nice posters who were so kind & friendly to me (and am VERY glad to see many of you here), but I sure don't miss the hostility and negative tone I often witnessed.  Besides, the thread is just too cumbersome and moves much too quickly for me to keep up with the reading.   :-) 

So nice seeing you again @walnutqueen! I'm so sorry to hear of your mum's passing.

[imisspuddy]

My Dear Bronxoni,

       Back around Thanksgiving, the social worker at my mother's nursing home called.  My mother has had dementia for at least 10 yrs now and is 96. There had been a noticeable decline in her health, and the social worker thought it was time to call in hospice.  She said they would be able to devote more care and time with her one on one than the nursing home staff.  She said it would be a very good thing for my mother.

      I did what I always do - I am in this alone, too, oh, except for when the family wants to criticize my actions - I went into a silent panic.  I did not think my mother was anywhere needing hospice.  But I also trust that the staff at the nursing home know what's going on better than I do at this point, so I said yes.

      I spent a completely sleepless weekend wracked with guilt, shaking in fear.

     Hospice came in, met with my mother, and decided that she was not ready for hospice.  So that ended that.

    Now they have her up and walking fairly long distances again.  I got a recent phone call telling me they were doing more physical therapy and that my mother is "an amazing woman."

     So things change daily.

     I tell you all of this because now my nerves are shot (even more so than before), I am convinced that every time the phone rings, it's "the call," and I am just heartsick inside. 

     And as far as the DNR goes, I've had run around with that, too.  As much as I know it's a necessary thing and the best thing to have, it is hell knowing I had to make that decision, too.

      Nothing about what you are going through is easy.  It is hell.   You are not a whiny baby boomer.  You are a loving daughter doing the best you can for your mother.  Otherwise, you wouldn't be sharing any of this with us, or be wracked with guilt, or be so sad.

       I wish more than anything that you weren't going through this; I really do. 

       Please be gentle with yourself and try to get rest.

      I'm sending good thoughts and gentle hugs.

[Bronx Babe]

@ennui  As I understand it, it is a "visiting" hospice.  They come one or twice a week but do not give any medical help that the nursing home isn't already providing.  Mom doesn't have a terminal illness and isn't in any pain.  Of course the dementia is progressing and she needs assistance with most everything but is not what I would call in a vegetative state in any way.  Mom is responsive but I do think just the fact she is in a nursing home sort of "speeds up" the decline -- it's like a Catch 22.  The nursing home aides have 20 patients to look after and Mom is only one of them.  They spend about five minutes helping to feed her but when they leave the room she doesn't eat; however, she's not wasting away and appears to be at a decent weight.  She's not lying on her bed all day and all night slobbering or raving but sitting quietly in a wheelchair watching television.  But obviously she's not getting any "better". 

Edited June 8, 2017 by Bronx Babe

[ennui]

7 minutes ago, imisspuddy said:

 Hospice came in, met with my mother, and decided that she was not ready for hospice.  So that ended that.

I'm sorry, but that's kind of funny.  :)  Life can be such a roller-coaster.  

[imisspuddy]

2 minutes ago, ennui said:

I'm sorry, but that's kind of funny.  :)  Life can be such a roller-coaster.  

I should have re-read before posting!  It is funny, isn't it?

Edited June 8, 2017 by imisspuddy
it's a wonder I can still communicate at all....

[Denver Hoosier]

51 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Is the Mishawaka one the last one?  Heard it was closing, didn't realize it was the last one.

According to the website, the closest one to SBM will now be the one in Warsaw.

[ennui]

19 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

As I understand it, it is a "visiting" hospice. 

I think most of them are; I don't know of any hospice that is a physical location, aside from the administrative offices. Like I've been trying to explain, they have resources and experience, and they will help you. They are not the enemy. I hope you will at least listen to what they have to say. Please do it for your mother. 

Edited June 8, 2017 by ennui

[imisspuddy]

2 minutes ago, ennui said:

I think most of them are; I don't know of any hospice that is a physical location, aside from the administrative offices. Like I've been trying to explain, they have resources and experience, and they will help you. They are not the enemy. I hope you will at least listen to what they have to say. Do it for your mother. 

We do have a "physical" hospice nearby.  Many people with terminal diagnoses decided to spend their remaining time there, instead of at home.  I have heard it is a beautiful place.  More difficult decisions.

Since my mother is in already in a  nursing home, the social working was recommending the "visiting" hospice, which means staff coming in to be with my mother for longer periods with one-on-one attention.

I think this is what BB's mother would have, too.

[Fishy]

1 hour ago, ennui said:

NO. It's not about what you want, it's about what your mother would want. 

I realize that you are struggling with this, but your mother is 96. She's had a good run. 

I think hospice is an excellent idea. They are wonderful people, and it is not a death sentence. 

I agree with this and providing "comfort" is a good way to put it.

Sending comforting hugs to you too BB as you go through all this.... thinking of you.

[Bronx Babe]

15 minutes ago, imisspuddy said:

My Dear Bronxoni,

       Back around Thanksgiving, the social worker at my mother's nursing home called.  My mother has had dementia for at least 10 yrs now and is 96. There had been a noticeable decline in her health, and the social worker thought it was time to call in hospice.  She said they would be able to devote more care and time with her one on one than the nursing home staff.  She said it would be a very good thing for my mother.

      I did what I always do - I am in this alone, too, oh, except for when the family wants to criticize my actions - I went into a silent panic.  I did not think my mother was anywhere needing hospice.  But I also trust that the staff at the nursing home know what's going on better than I do at this point, so I said yes.

      I spent a completely sleepless weekend wracked with guilt, shaking in fear.

     Hospice came in, met with my mother, and decided that she was not ready for hospice.  So that ended that.

    Now they have her up and walking fairly long distances again.  I got a recent phone call telling me they were doing more physical therapy and that my mother is "an amazing woman."

     So things change daily.

     I tell you all of this because now my nerves are shot (even more so than before), I am convinced that every time the phone rings, it's "the call," and I am just heartsick inside. 

     And as far as the DNR goes, I've had run around with that, too.  As much as I know it's a necessary thing and the best thing to have, it is hell knowing I had to make that decision, too.

      Nothing about what you are going through is easy.  It is hell.   You are not a whiny baby boomer.  You are a loving daughter doing the best you can for your mother.  Otherwise, you wouldn't be sharing any of this with us, or be wracked with guilt, or be so sad.

       I wish more than anything that you weren't going through this; I really do. 

       Please be gentle with yourself and try to get rest.

      I'm sending good thoughts and gentle hugs.

@imisspuddy, if only The Great Bronxoni would stop futzing around making predictions about shopping channel hosts and start paying more attention to my life.....

Wow, your mother really is a marvel!  And it's interesting that you knew intuitively she didn't need hospice.  I wish I could say the same about Mom, just not sure at this point.  I want to trust the health care professionals who are taking care of her but a few people are so to speak whispering in my ear telling me that unless I call the nursing home 24/7 to find out how she is being treated, Mom will be "neglected" by the staff in one form or another.

[SuprSuprElevated]

15 minutes ago, Denver Hoosier said:

According to the website, the closest one to SBM will now be the one in Warsaw.

SBM?  Never mind, got it.

Edited June 8, 2017 by SuprSuprElevated

[Bronx Babe]

2 minutes ago, Fishy said:

I agree with this and providing "comfort" is a good way to put it.

Sending comforting hugs to you too BB as you go through all this.... thinking of you.

Thank you, @Fishy, sweet Pisces.

[Fishy]

37 minutes ago, CanuckGal said:

That's how I feel too, and partly why I haven't posted in awhile. I've still been reading. 

Yes, noticed you were 'missing in action' - hope you won't stay away forever.  we would miss you.

[ennui]

1 hour ago, Bronx Babe said:

@ennui, Navigating the health care system has certainly been eye-opening for me.  That's all I will say.

As a fellow Moonstruck lover, the one quote that really sticks me with from that movie isn't "Snap out of it!" but Cosmo's "Everything is temporary!" 

So this too shall pass....

Well, as long as we're on the subject, I think my favorite line is (and fingers crossed that it's taken with levity):

Rose: I just want you to know no matter what you do, you're gonna die, just like everybody else. 

Cosmo Castorini: Thank you, Rose.