S05.E11: Why Can't We Just Get Along / S05.E12: Playing For Keeps

[WhosThatGirl]

Ryan lived with the girlfriend last season. I assume when they broke up, he moved back in with his parents.

 

ETA: I think her name was Shelly? Dark hair, glasses?

Edited January 25, 2016 by WhosThatGirl

[leighroda]

Ryan lived with the girlfriend last season. I assume when they broke up, he moved back in with his parents.

ETA: I think her name was Shelly? Dark hair, glasses?

Shelby? I think you are right that was her apartment, I remember there being an episode when Maci was waiting for Ryan and wound up leaving because he over slept, I think that was Shelby's apartment I guess.

If I was Maci, my concern would be not only that Ryan seems to have been coddled to death by his parents, but if that is the same treatment Bentley was getting when her was there... Grandparents are famously more lax with grand children, so in theory of Ryan was so coddled that he became what he is, I know as a mother I would not want my child becoming like that so I would be hesitant about the time spent with the people that created that. In no way do I think Bentley should be kept away, don't get me wrong Jen and Larry love him very much and I do think they deserve to have time with him, whether Ryan wants to or not... I just mean that knowing the majority of Bentley's time with Ryan is spent with them would make me aware enough that I would be on the lookout for behaviors that may need to be nipped in the bud.

[WhosThatGirl]

Yeah, I believe Ryan, more or less "lived there" but it wasn't an official thing but he was staying there most if not all the time. I do think that probably Shelby wanted it to be an official thing and Ryan said no and when they broke up, he just went back home to his parents. 

[FozzyBear]

I also don't think it's Maci's responsibility to make sure Jen and Larry get time with Bentley. That's up to Ryan. It's not as if Ryan is dead or in prison or otherwise out of the picture. He's a perfectly capable adult with plenty of resources to try and get more custody of his son. He just never has. And Maci shouldn't have to factor in the schedules of 4 extra people (all the grandparents) when looking at custody issues. I've never gotten the feeling she has any issue with Larry and Jen spending all the time in the world with Bentley...as grandparents. But if what's actually happening is they're acting as parents, well then maybe Bentley doesn't need to be there every weekend. I don't mean to sound harsh and I'm not one to automatically assume the mother should get custody (see my comments about the Amber/Gary mess or the Leah/Corey mess), but Maci and Ryan are Bentley's parents and if Ryan can't pull it together to be the primary caregiver 2 days a week then maybe Bentley shouldn't be there as often. You know Ryan could wake up before noon and go see a lawyer if he's unhappy about it, but I doubt he will.

[Darknight]

I think Ryan regrets not using a condom. He wanted to hump then dump. Not hump and parent with a girl he now has to deal with forever.

[leighroda]

I also don't think it's Maci's responsibility to make sure Jen and Larry get time with Bentley. That's up to Ryan. It's not as if Ryan is dead or in prison or otherwise out of the picture. He's a perfectly capable adult with plenty of resources to try and get more custody of his son. He just never has. And Maci shouldn't have to factor in the schedules of 4 extra people (all the grandparents) when looking at custody issues. I've never gotten the feeling she has any issue with Larry and Jen spending all the time in the world with Bentley...as grandparents. But if what's actually happening is they're acting as parents, well then maybe Bentley doesn't need to be there every weekend. I don't mean to sound harsh and I'm not one to automatically assume the mother should get custody (see my comments about the Amber/Gary mess or the Leah/Corey mess), but Maci and Ryan are Bentley's parents and if Ryan can't pull it together to be the primary caregiver 2 days a week then maybe Bentley shouldn't be there as often. You know Ryan could wake up before noon and go see a lawyer if he's unhappy about it, but I doubt he will.

I'm not sure if you were replying to my post, but it kinda feels like you are, but you twisted my words a little, so I just want to clarify what I meant, my apologies if you weren't.

I never said custody should be sorted out by all six parent/grandparents involved. The fact of the matter is that it seems that Bentley spends the majority of Ryan's time with Jen and Larry, Jen and Larry have developed a relationship with Bentley, and I don't think that should be broken, regardless of Ryan's lack of interest in parenting Bentley. I just mean Bentley should still see them in my opinion, but I never said that was Maci's responsibility to figure that out... And I don't think Jen and Larry should lose out on getting to see Bentley just because Ryan is a douchelord, it doesn't have to be every weekend, or every other weekend, but I'm just saying just because Ryan doesn't step up, I don't believe they should lose out completely.

That being said, it does seem they do the heavy lifting when it comes to parenting when it's Bentley's time with Ryan, and if I were Maci that would be a concern to me, that the same adults that allowed Ryan to be how he is, I would not probably want the same thing to happen to my own child (in this case Bentley). Should they be in the position to "parent" Bentley? No, probably not... But Ryan isn't doing it at this point, so somone has to. My point was just that if I were Maci I would be keeping an extra close eye on his behavior and if I noticed any "Ryan" tendacies, I'd probably act on that.

[vegankitty]

Edited because someone already responded and posted what I had posted, too :-).

So I'll just say some other random thing: there was a scene where Maci was holding the baby...standing and Taylor was on the couch...where she had piled a blanket (it looked like) literally on top of Jayde's face. It just looked like suffocation waiting to happen and was kinda strange.

That is all.

Edited January 25, 2016 by vegankitty

[ebkitty]

Well I think Maci is being spitful, Ryan's parents have done everything to support Maci, for her to take away visits after 7yrs is down right mean. I mean she needs a babysitter for her new kid, or to take off on vacations, she calls Ryan's parents. I have always firmly believed that Ryan doesn't like being around Maci, which is why we see so much bitterness from Ryan during the filming. She's been mad from day one that his parents wouldn't force him to marry her and tow the line, her line. She is just as bad as Ryan if not worse in different ways. I feel awful for Ryan's parents always trying to support Maci in public and Maci kicking them in the teeth every time. I also would be shock if she actually gave up her weekends or free babysitters, I see Maci talking a bunch of crap and throwing threats out there but nothing will really change.

[Tatum]

I never said custody should be sorted out by all six parent/grandparents involved. The fact of the matter is that it seems that Bentley spends the majority of Ryan's time with Jen and Larry, Jen and Larry have developed a relationship with Bentley, and I don't think that should be broken, regardless of Ryan's lack of interest in parenting Bentley. I just mean Bentley should still see them in my opinion, but I never said that was Maci's responsibility to figure that out... And I don't think Jen and Larry should lose out on getting to see Bentley just because Ryan is a douchelord, it doesn't have to be every weekend, or every other weekend, but I'm just saying just because Ryan doesn't step up, I don't believe they should lose out completely.

 

I DO think it is Maci's responsibility to see that Bentley gets time with Jen and Larry. Not because she owes it to J&L, but because she owes it to Bentley. He has a relationship with them and that should not be cut off. Now, as far as I know, Maci has given no indication she wants to cut them off, and I don't believe she ever would, but if say, Ryan up and left the state and cut off all contact with Maci and Bentley, then I'd still say Maci has a moral obligation to her son to see that he spends time with Jen and Larry for as long as he wants. Kids come first, and what is "fair" for the single parent does not trump the best interest of the child.

 

Reading between the lines, it sounds like to me that Maci and Ryan had a casual agreement worked out between the two of them, that resulted in every other weekend for Ryan, with the weekend starting Thursday and ending either Sun night or Monday morning. I remember the Thursday was negotiated between the two at mediation and Maci cried, and for the next 3 seasons, every time she got wind of Ryan going out, she would say, I GAVE you an extra day even though it KILLED me, and you're going out and it is PISSING me off. Then I would gather over the last few years, with Maci traveling and going out, she probably started letting J&L have Bentley even when it was her weekend, and it just kind of morphed into an every weekend thing. Then I bet when Jayde first came along, Maci probably still wanted to keep it that way because she was exhausted with a newborn and maybe she worried Bentley wasn't getting enough attention. However, now that they have kind of made their adjustments, Maci is more able to watch two kids, but can't go out much with the baby, and no longer sees a benefit to having Bentley gone every weekend.

 

If Maci wants to scale back and say, let's go back to every other weekend, I think she is well within her rights to do so. But it should be because she wants him home, or he wants to be home, not because she's pissed at Ryan. If even every other weekend becomes not feasible (all this assumes Ryan has completely checked out), then I still think she should work out some kind of regular visitation with J&L. It's not about what's best for her, or what's best for Ryan, or what's best for J&L. It's about what is best for Bentley.

[truelovekiss]

If I was Maci, my concern would be not only that Ryan seems to have been coddled to death by his parents, but if that is the same treatment Bentley was getting when her was there... Grandparents are famously more lax with grand children, so in theory of Ryan was so coddled that he became what he is, I know as a mother I would not want my child becoming like that so I would be hesitant about the time spent with the people that created that. In no way do I think Bentley should be kept away, don't get me wrong Jen and Larry love him very much and I do think they deserve to have time with him, whether Ryan wants to or not... I just mean that knowing the majority of Bentley's time with Ryan is spent with them would make me aware enough that I would be on the lookout for behaviors that may need to be nipped in the bud.

I agree with you, but I think at this point Maci is looking at it more as how much harm can be done in one or two overnights per week? If she's strict with him and keeps him on a good schedule from Sunday night to Saturday morning, I think he'll probably be alright getting a little bit spoiled. But I agree that Maci should be aware of bratty, selfish behavior and make sure to discourage it early on.

[FozzyBear]

I'm not sure if you were replying to my post, but it kinda feels like you are, but you twisted my words a little, so I just want to clarify what I meant, my apologies if you weren't.

I never said custody should be sorted out by all six parent/grandparents involved. The fact of the matter is that it seems that Bentley spends the majority of Ryan's time with Jen and Larry, Jen and Larry have developed a relationship with Bentley, and I don't think that should be broken, regardless of Ryan's lack of interest in parenting Bentley. I just mean Bentley should still see them in my opinion, but I never said that was Maci's responsibility to figure that out... And I don't think Jen and Larry should lose out on getting to see Bentley just because Ryan is a douchelord, it doesn't have to be every weekend, or every other weekend, but I'm just saying just because Ryan doesn't step up, I don't believe they should lose out completely.

That being said, it does seem they do the heavy lifting when it comes to parenting when it's Bentley's time with Ryan, and if I were Maci that would be a concern to me, that the same adults that allowed Ryan to be how he is, I would not probably want the same thing to happen to my own child (in this case Bentley). Should they be in the position to "parent" Bentley? No, probably not... But Ryan isn't doing it at this point, so somone has to. My point was just that if I were Maci I would be keeping an extra close eye on his behavior and if I noticed any "Ryan" tendacies, I'd probably act on that.

Hi, sorry. I don't mean to twist your words. And I wasn't referring to your post so much as this feeling I get about the way the show is edited. I sometimes feel like the tone of the show throws out that maybe the moms are responsible for helping the dads be dads. I think its especially bad with Maci and Chelsea. There's this undertone of them being mean by implying that Adam and Ryan don't actually do much parenting even when they do have custody(not to compare Adam and Ryan. 2 different situations.). I feel like the SHOW as much as anything else has always put Ryan on some weird grading curve of parenting because he's not abusive or out of the picture or something. I don't get it. Ryan is 27 or 28 which means he was 21 or 22 whe Bentley was born. That's not even that young to be a parent, but the show has always presented him as some goofy 16 year old kid that just needs time to grow up...still...even though he's pushing 30. I think the fact that the show presents this situation as if Maci should worry about making sure Jen and Larry get enough time with Bentley even tough Ryan is fully capable of pushing for more custody and Maci has never tried to keep Jen and Larry away from Bentley is weird. I don't care for Maci on a personal level, but it's weird to me how little everyone expects of Ryan. I can't find a reason he couldn't be a more involved Dad, he's just not. I'm not sure why the show is edited to have Maci address that more often than Ryan. It's a strange sexist double standard to me. But again, YMMV. I will admit Ryan's special combination of smug and dumb annoys me.

[leighroda]

Hi, sorry. I don't mean to twist your words. And I wasn't referring to your post so much as this feeling I get about the way the show is edited. I sometimes feel like the tone of the show throws out that maybe the moms are responsible for helping the dads be dads. I think its especially bad with Maci and Chelsea. There's this undertone of them being mean by implying that Adam and Ryan don't actually do much parenting even when they do have custody(not to compare Adam and Ryan. 2 different situations.). I feel like the SHOW as much as anything else has always put Ryan on some weird grading curve of parenting because he's not abusive or out of the picture or something. I don't get it. Ryan is 27 or 28 which means he was 21 or 22 whe Bentley was born. That's not even that young to be a parent, but the show has always presented him as some goofy 16 year old kid that just needs time to grow up...still...even though he's pushing 30. I think the fact that the show presents this situation as if Maci should worry about making sure Jen and Larry get enough time with Bentley even tough Ryan is fully capable of pushing for more custody and Maci has never tried to keep Jen and Larry away from Bentley is weird. I don't care for Maci on a personal level, but it's weird to me how little everyone expects of Ryan. I can't find a reason he couldn't be a more involved Dad, he's just not. I'm not sure why the show is edited to have Maci address that more often than Ryan. It's a strange sexist double standard to me. But again, YMMV. I will admit Ryan's special combination of smug and dumb annoys me.

No worries at all! I wasn't upset, your post was just different enough that I truly wasn't sure if you were responding or going off your own thoughts, but I just wanted to clarify just in case you misunderstood me, but it's not a big deal at all.

[CentralTexas]

I still don't understand why Ryan still lives at home, he's almost 30 years old.

His parents need to cut the cord already.

Edited January 26, 2016 by CentralTexas

[Brooklynista]

Have we ever met Tyler's Best Woman before?  Ashley?  Was that her name?  I don't recall seeing her at the stag party or on any other episodes.  I would think a bestie like that would have made an appearance in the years we've known him.

Have we ever met Tyler's Best Woman before?  Ashley?  Was that her name?  I don't recall seeing her at the stag party or on any other episodes.  I would think a bestie like that would have made an appearance in the years we've known him.

[Drapers4thWife]

Quite frankly, maybe it wouldn't be the worst if Jen and Larry had less time with Bentley. Maybe they need the wakeup call of realizing that Ryan is a deadbeat dad and that HE, not Maci, is responsible for their relationship with Bentley, and if they don't cut the cord and force him to get his act together they may lose Bentley in the long run thanks to him (because as Bentley grows older he's seeing more and more of the true Ryan, and he doesn't seem to like it). Especially because Taylor does seem really great with Bentley - with a loving stepdad Bentley may want to pull away more and more from Ryan. 

 

The thing that's always creeped me out about Ryan's parents is the way his mom seems scared of him. Every time Ryan mouths off about anything, Jen freezes and becomes silent. She has so little to say normally, but even when she ventures forth with one of her extremely mild comments, as soon as Ryan responds she just backs off totally. While Larry will occasionally call Ryan out, I feel like either Jen has never punished or called Ryan out on his crap ever, or she used to and something major happened and now she's scared to. That's a huge reason why IMO Ryan is always so disrespectful to anybody, but especially women. If he tells his mom to shut up, she clamps her lips shut and averts her eyes. 

 

There's only so much eye-rolling and "Oh Ryan"'s Larry can do. I'm sure Ryan realizes it's all bullshit and there aren't any consequences. Jen and Larry won't kick him out and force him to get his own place, his own job and do his own parenting anytime soon. They'll just continue to take care of his kid, feed him, house him and let him sleep all day, go dirt-biking and party with his friends. 

[qtpye]

think Ryan regrets not using a condom. He wanted to hump then dump. Not hump and parent with a girl he now has to deal with forever.

 

 

I think Ryan is the one who should be talking to young men on the dangers of unprotected sex.  He definitely seems miserable whenever he is around Maci.

 

There's only so much eye-rolling and "Oh Ryan"'s Larry can do. I'm sure Ryan realizes it's all bullshit and there aren't any consequences. Jen and Larry won't kick him out and force him to get his own place, his own job and do his own parenting anytime soon. They'll just continue to take care of his kid, feed him, house him and let him sleep all day, go dirt-biking and party with his friends

 

Maybe Ryan and Farrah's parents can get together and take a class called "HOW NOT TO LET YOUR SPOILED ADULT OFFSPRING TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP, WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE TAKING CARE OF THE GRANDCHILDREN".

[Tatum]

Maybe Ryan and Farrah's parents can get together and take a class called "HOW NOT TO LET YOUR SPOILED ADULT OFFSPRING TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP, WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE TAKING CARE OF THE GRANDCHILDREN".

 

The problem is, due to the Abrahams' and Jen and Larry's legitimate affection for their grandchildren, Ryan and Farrah don't consider their parents to be doing them (Ryan and Farrah) a favor by raising them- they think they are doing their parents a favor by "allowing" them the privilege of raising the grandkids.

[ebkitty]

I think Ryan loves his child but hates filming and hates being around Maci, which I don't blame him.

[Moonage Daydream]

Re: Butch's prison tan

I think that has less to do with him having access to the prison tanning bed, but more likely that he probably has Hepatitis C.

[DangerousMinds]

I think Ryan loves his child but hates filming and hates being around Maci, which I don't blame him.

I assume he can choose not to sign a contract to be on the show. He is on the show and filmed by choice.

[GreatKazu]

Re: Butch's prison tan

I think that has less to do with him having access to the prison tanning bed, but more likely that he probably has Hepatitis C.

He'd be yellowish then. Butch is toasted. I saw a bit of a tan line in one scene.

[pakalolo]

Prisons sometimes have work programs or other situations that may have allowed Butch to regularly go outdoors. Another possibly is the 'just out of jail' scene was refilmed for TM after Butch had already been out for a few weeks and working building fences outside.

[eightoclock]

Have we ever met Tyler's Best Woman before?  Ashley?  Was that her name?  I don't recall seeing her at the stag party or on any other episodes.  I would think a bestie like that would have made an appearance in the years we've known him.

 

I believe she was on one of the early Teen Mom seasons once or twice.  I think she had long hair!