A Case Of The Mondays: Vent Your Work Spleen Here

[chocolatine]

At-will employment is a two-way street, because it also allows employees to quit at will and not be forced to continue working in a job that they don't want anymore.

[Bastet]

3 hours ago, magicdog said:

they could do anything they wanted unless you're a "protected class".

That's "at-will" employment.  "Right to work" is a different set of laws, specifically about unions.

[EtheltoTillie]

At will employees can get screwed by a new ball and chain.  Theres an overuse of noncompete agreements for people such as low level retail workers for whom they should not apply. As I understand it, California has banned them, a very progressive approach. Perhaps @Bastet can comment on that.  In New York the law favors employees in some respects but the employees can get sued by aggressive former employers, and it can be a long expensive battle. Some employees are afraid to leave their jobs. 

Edited July 18, 2022 by EtheltoTillie

[Cloud9Shopper]

Last week of the soon-to-be old job is underway. I cannot wait until Friday to be out of here and never work as an editor again, unless I’m editing my own fanfics. (I much prefer writing or other bigger picture work.)

The employee survey just went out to the whole company so I’m tempted to take it one more time just for fun. 😅 But other than that I plan on working slowly and trying not to make myself too available for busy work type of tasks. My upcoming project work has already been cleared off my dashboard and most of it wasn’t going to be available any time soon already. Let my coworkers take the pile of leftover work for a change. 

Edited July 18, 2022 by Cloud9Shopper

[magicdog]

16 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Theres an overuse of noncompete agreements for people such as low level retail workers for whom they should not apply.

Those are very common in my job.  It's a given with on cam talent (reporters, anchors, weather and traffic reporters) but I also found out some years back that it can be applied to certain members of management too.  The news director (the last good one we had!) was fired when the new PTB decided his vision was no longer desired by the station.  I found out he had a non compete clause and had to sit it out for a good 6 months if he chose to remain in this market.  I'm not sure what he decided to do, but it's not uncommon to have that much remaining time on one's contract and just leaving the market to get work again.  

[EtheltoTillie]

16 minutes ago, magicdog said:

Those are very common in my job.  It's a given with on cam talent (reporters, anchors, weather and traffic reporters) but I also found out some years back that it can be applied to certain members of management too.  The news director (the last good one we had!) was fired when the new PTB decided his vision was no longer desired by the station.  I found out he had a non compete clause and had to sit it out for a good 6 months if he chose to remain in this market.  I'm not sure what he decided to do, but it's not uncommon to have that much remaining time on one's contract and just leaving the market to get work again.  

For what it's worth, the idea of on-air talent having a restriction at least makes sense.  The main idea of a noncompete is that you're not stealing the first employer's business.  So if on-air talent is desired by others, that explains why it could be enforceable.   It doesn't make sense for low level workers with no special business advantage for the first employer.  It's a nasty business for those people.  It seems ludicrous for your friend.  If they didn't like his vision, why should they care if he takes it to a competing station? It's all so ugly. 

People need to be aware that they are signing these things and perhaps can negotiate better terms at the beginning.

[SuprSuprElevated]

2 hours ago, magicdog said:

Those are very common in my job.  It's a given with on cam talent (reporters, anchors, weather and traffic reporters) but I also found out some years back that it can be applied to certain members of management too.  The news director (the last good one we had!) was fired when the new PTB decided his vision was no longer desired by the station.  I found out he had a non compete clause and had to sit it out for a good 6 months if he chose to remain in this market.  I'm not sure what he decided to do, but it's not uncommon to have that much remaining time on one's contract and just leaving the market to get work again.  

Non-competes are very difficult to enforce when they completely tie the hands of someone who needs to earn a living in their field of experience.  Often, non-competes are required in return for compensation (bonuses, etc), though I'm sure that isn't always the case.

Edited July 18, 2022 by SuprSuprElevated

[Bastet]

18 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Theres an overuse of noncompete agreements for people such as low level retail workers for whom they should not apply. As I understand it, California has banned them, a very progressive approach. Perhaps @Bastet can comment on that.

You're correct; they are unenforceable here.  But to expand on that, I'm going to be lazy and instead quote a recent press release from the CA Attorney General's office:

Quote

Noncompete agreements generally require workers to refrain from accepting new employment opportunities in a similar line of work or establishing a competing business, usually for a specified period of time and within a geographic area. Although frequently found in high paying, highly technical jobs, these provisions are also found in lower-paying, less technical jobs and can have an adverse impact on labor market mobility and worker compensation. For example, a 2019 study estimates that 53% of noncompete workers are non-salaried, hourly wage employees, 14% of whom earn less than $40,000 a year. Attorney General Bonta reminds both employers and employees that noncompete agreements are prohibited in the state of California, and urges individuals who are wrongfully presented with a noncompete agreement to know their rights.

“Despite being prohibited in California, noncompete provisions are routinely included in employee contracts, including contracts for lower-wage workers. This can have a tremendous effect of deterring workers from pursuing new, and oftentimes better job opportunities,” said Attorney General Bonta. “As our economy recovers, it is more important than ever for employers and workers in our state to have a system that protects competition in the labor market. Today’s alert is a reminder that noncompete agreements have no place in California.” 

California law prohibits employers, including those who operate out of state but employ California residents, from enforcing noncompete agreements. Even when invalid, these agreements can discourage workers from seeking new opportunities, causing workers in a variety of professions to mistakenly believe that they cannot pursue or accept a competitor’s offer of better pay or working conditions in fear of facing legal repercussions. From software engineers to baristas, those in noncompete agreements may believe that their only option is to continue to work for their current employer. These anticompetitive provisions also harm the economy by depriving businesses of the opportunity to hire workers who may otherwise be available or qualified. Noncompete agreements also prove to be harmful to wages, entrepreneurship, market concentration in the labor force, and equality amongst the workforce.

[crazycatlady58]

On 6/27/2022 at 6:32 PM, DearEvette said:

I am surprised on he regular how some people manage to not only keep jobs but to fail upward.

There is this one guy who is a Dean of a college at the University I work for.  When I first started working here, he was just the Interim director  of the Adult Education program.  So small potatoes comparably and a fairly self contained unit.  I remember he wanted to purchase some insanely costly software system for non-traditional learners.  I remember him presenting it will full flair at a meeting with IT, the CIO, the CFO, the Bursar and the Registrar.  I was there because it is my office which does all the data and analytics for the college and it was my job to provide the demographic and enrollment data for the past several years to the CFO. 

I remember asking my boss "is he on crack?" after I ran the numbers because the purchase, implementation, integration and support tier we'd have to get with the software, all told would cost the University a cool million dollars. And yet  enrollment of Non-traditional adult learners -- the people who take courses over the summer or just at night, no desire to get a degree -- was less than 2% of our total enrollment over the past several years and was declining.  Revenue for the Adult Ed program would not have paid for that system for the next 20 years.  The CFO's face when he saw the enrollment data vs. the cost projections made my day.  I could see that from his expression he was thinking to himself "Is this guy on crack?"  That proposal was dead in the water before we left that meeting.

But a few years later that same guy got promoted to the Director of the Graduate Studies programs.  Way more important, more money, more regulations.  And he was just as uniformed and clueless as when he was in the prior job.  It was his Associate Dir. who did all the work.  She hated him because he was always off golfing.  But she was so good she made him look good.

Over time he just kept getting promoted and job jumped.  Now he is a full fledged Dean of one of the colleges with the highest enrollment.  And still dumb as rocks.  And it isn't a secret.  In meetings he comes out with the most ass backwards things.  And we are all sitting there all thinking "Dude is still on that pipe."

The Peter principal in action. 

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 7/18/2022 at 3:23 PM, SuprSuprElevated said:

Often, non-competes are required in return for compensation (bonuses, etc), though I'm sure that isn't always the case.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't the case at Jimmy John's:

Quote

The Jimmy John’s agreement prohibited employees during their employment and for two years afterward from working at any other business that sells “submarine, hero-type, deli-style, pita, and/or wrapped or rolled sandwiches” within 2 miles of any Jimmy John’s shop in the United States, according to Madigan’s lawsuit. An agreement in effect from 2007 to 2012 extended that to 3 miles.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-jimmyjohns-settlement-idUSKBN13W2JA

[SuprSuprElevated]

1 hour ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I'm pretty sure it wasn't the case at Jimmy John's:

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-jimmyjohns-settlement-idUSKBN13W2JA

I'd pay the penalty myself if they would fire Brad Garrett.

[Cloud9Shopper]

For some reason I am still in disbelief that my new job is real and is going to happen. I have access to the employee portal for onboarding, my work equipment is being shipped, and I’ll be getting a schedule for my first few days soon enough. I’m excited! But I also sort of can’t believe it’s happening. Like I guess with all the news lately of rescinded offers and maybe too much time on Reddit I feel like it could all be pulled out from under me. I’m not going into tech, though, which is where a lot of the issues seem to be happening. So that helps.

I only have 12 working hours left at soon-to-be-Old Job, and for that I’m relieved. I will miss some of the people, but all the resignations in my department plus lack of internal growth opportunities and the cultural changes made it a really trying last few months. I’m looking forward to moving on and maybe trying to find a good freelance opportunity to do on the side once I finish school in a few weeks. 

[Cloud9Shopper]

The job is now a past job! So happy to be done, even though I had thoughts today that I will miss some of the people. 

Looking forward to having next week off and starting the new job on the 1st. 

[Cloud9Shopper]

I have two days under me at the new job now. It is a LOT of information, but that would be the case anywhere so I don’t think much of it. Once I get going I’ll have some general email boxes to oversee (like jobs@company.com types of things) and will get to work in our internal recruiting system to track applicants, and I’ll also be responsible for helping with the training calendar and promoting programs. There’s a lot of other things to do under the recruiting and training umbrellas, but that’s the general idea. 

I was nervous last week when I was off between jobs and had a thought about what if I had to go back to my old job. I really don’t want to do that haha. But over time I know I’ll settle in and it will work out. 

One small thing I like about the new company is that they have early closures the day before big holidays built into their holiday calendar. So I know the Friday before Labor Day and the day before Thanksgiving, among others, I’ll only have half-days. None of my past jobs offered that automatically (we either found out at the last minute we’d be let out or we’d be expected to work a full day even if there was nothing much to do), so it’s enough of a perk for me. 

I’m glad not to be in one of my original choice fields right now, instructional design or tech sales, as a lot of people are being laid off in tech or ID. Layoffs can happen to anyone, to be sure, but my original plans seem to be getting hit hard. 

[EtheltoTillie]

16 minutes ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I have two days under me at the new job now. It is a LOT of information, but that would be the case anywhere so I don’t think much of it. Once I get going I’ll have some general email boxes to oversee (like jobs@company.com types of things) and will get to work in our internal recruiting system to track applicants, and I’ll also be responsible for helping with the training calendar and promoting programs. There’s a lot of other things to do under the recruiting and training umbrellas, but that’s the general idea. 

I was nervous last week when I was off between jobs and had a thought about what if I had to go back to my old job. I really don’t want to do that haha. But over time I know I’ll settle in and it will work out. 

One small thing I like about the new company is that they have early closures the day before big holidays built into their holiday calendar. So I know the Friday before Labor Day and the day before Thanksgiving, among others, I’ll only have half-days. None of my past jobs offered that automatically (we either found out at the last minute we’d be let out or we’d be expected to work a full day even if there was nothing much to do), so it’s enough of a perk for me. 

I’m glad not to be in one of my original choice fields right now, instructional design or tech sales, as a lot of people are being laid off in tech or ID. Layoffs can happen to anyone, to be sure, but my original plans seem to be getting hit hard. 

Good news!  I was hoping to hear that you got off to a good start.

[magicdog]

Thought you might find this amusing:

Back in June, corporate initiated a contest as to who could hydrate the most.  They provided a sheet to document how much water you consumed daily.  When the contest date ended, you sent a pic of that sheet to  the department and various winners would get a cash prize of $800.00, $100.00 or $50.00 (at each tv affiliate).  I was sure to win since I drank on a regular basis a gallon daily (in my job, I'm seated much of the time so I make sure to keep it flowing by taking a gallon jug and keeping it in my bay).  I proudly kept track of my intake and when the time frame was up, I emailed my document.

Yesterday, I received an email from our office to see about picking up a prize regarding the contest!  I was so excited!  I entered and was given.....

TA DA!!

A coaster with the logo of the contest and congratulating me on being so hydrated.   I asked what happened with the amount of fluid intake and who beat me.  They said it wasn't based on how much you drank (then why fill out those sheets?) but a random drawing of participants (nowhere in the announcements was this mentioned!).  One of the reporters got the $800.00 prize I sought - she'd have been lucky to get 2 quarts in, considering they're so busy going in and out on various stories, etc.

I was so annoyed!  My edit partner (who was also a coaster winner) commiserated with me and then made me laugh by reminding me how similar is thing was to Ralphie's disappointment with his decoder ring in "A Christmas Story.  He even asked me if there was anything he could do to make things better!!  Sweet kid I have there!  

[Cloud9Shopper]

The new job is still going well (although we’re in a bit of a lull at the moment so I don’t have tons to do), but I am getting really stressed and anxious for payday. I started during a pay week so I haven’t gotten a check in three weeks. A project I had on Upwork (I’m deleting my account anyway since I couldn’t find any other work)  got canceled so I wasn’t able to bring in any extra income while I waited, and my old side gig of Instacart is non-existent where I live. I ended up making a whole $20 on Upwork so clearly it’s not the platform for me. 

Now I just need to hang in there for four more days.  

[Bookish Jen]

Have you heard of "quiet quitting?"

[EtheltoTillie]

4 hours ago, Bookish Jen said:

Have you heard of "quiet quitting?"

Yes, it's very much in the news for the last couple of weeks or so.  The NY Times had a story today also. 

[chocolatine]

It's not a new phenomenon, there have always been people who half-ass their work. Not a very smart thing to do when a recession is looming and many companies are laying people off.

[theredhead77]

13 hours ago, Bookish Jen said:

Have you heard of "quiet quitting?"

7 hours ago, chocolatine said:

It's not a new phenomenon, there have always been people who half-ass their work. Not a very smart thing to do when a recession is looming and many companies are laying people off.

Is doing what you're paid for and not putting in more than 40 hours really half-ass? Why, as a society, have we accepted we have to sacrifice our mental health and well-being to line the pockets of stockholders? 

I make really good money. After busting my ass for 4 years, working loads of extra hours and picking up slack after they laid off 2 counterparts and handed me and another coworker their area (with a pittance of a raise thrown at us), refused to hire one person at an admin level to help the two of us support 4 areas and refusing to replace him when he quit while expecting me to pick up the slack of 3 others, I had a mental breakdown and ended up on leave. I now do what I'm paid for. I work my 40-45 hours a week and that's it. If COVID hadn't prevented me from being in the field I would have broken down 3-4 months into managing 2 areas. It's just not possible do do what they wanted in the 'before times'.

Companies are laying off people who have busted their asses, sacrificed their health. What do they get? "We're letting you go" with no notice, maybe a pittance of a separation package. Insurance is turned off at the end of the day, or maybe the end of the month if they're lucky, and that's it. Why should we, as humans, bust our asses for companies who don't give a shit about us? Doing it out of fear is a sign that you are being abused or victimized.

No more.

Edited August 25, 2022 by theredhead77
To fix the quotes and streamline my thought.

[RealHousewife]

So my job went from mostly in the office, to mostly remote, to going back to being mostly in the office soon.

I've been in the office more lately just to get used to it, and while it's nice to see people, I'm dealing with coworkers who pry into my personal life again. I'd forgotten how annoying that is. Asking if I've gotten married, if I have a boyfriend, why I don't get on apps, all of it is annoying. I've been single for so long, I know people think it's strange. I don't even know how to answer the question. I haven't dated in awhile, and I'm not the type to like to share if I have either. I know once you open up, you'll only get more questions. I'd probably only share if I had a longterm boyfriend, and God knows when that'll happen. I'd love to find someone. I've posted about how lonely I've been on here, but I have a lot of issues I'm working on in therapy. I don't know if I'll be able to trust anyone anytime soon, much as I want to.

[magicdog]

1 minute ago, RealHousewife said:

Asking if I've gotten married, if I have a boyfriend, why I don't get on apps, all of it is annoying. I've been single for so long, I know people think it's strange. I don't even know how to answer the question. I haven't dated in awhile, and I'm not the type to like to share if I have either.

I find those questions rather personal and just wait and let it come up naturally, like if you say something in passing, "My boyfriend and I...".  I guess it depends on how close you feel with the person to discuss one's personal life.  My father used to tell me to try to keep your private things private - the world really doesn't need to know everything about you.  

[RealHousewife]

Just now, magicdog said:

I find those questions rather personal and just wait and let it come up naturally, like if you say something in passing, "My boyfriend and I...".  I guess it depends on how close you feel with the person to discuss one's personal life.  My father used to tell me to try to keep your private things private - the world really doesn't need to know everything about you.  

I do too and don't know how to politely dodge them. 

[chocolatine]

7 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

I do too and don't know how to politely dodge them. 

"I'd rather not discuss my personal life, thank you." Repeat until the questions stop.

[SuprSuprElevated]

10 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I do too and don't know how to politely dodge them. 

"I only discuss such things with clergy.  Are you ordained?"*

That should shut 'em up...about multiple things on multiple levels.  You'll be lucky if they ask you for the time after that. 

*If by chance they are ordained, give 'em an answer that'll curl their hair, just for insurance.

Edited August 26, 2022 by SuprSuprElevated

[RealHousewife]

10 hours ago, chocolatine said:

"I'd rather not discuss my personal life, thank you." Repeat until the questions stop.

I've tried, it's not always the most successful. I know it should be though, thank you.

14 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

"I only discuss such things with clergy.  Are you ordained?"*

That should shut 'em up...about multiple things on multiple levels.  You'll be lucky if they ask you for the time after that. 

*If by chance they are ordained, give 'em an answer that'll curl their hair, just for insurance.

lol see, yeah I feel like I want something smart to make them go uhh what?! lol Because trying to politely make it clear I'm private has not worked out very well. 

There's one coworker I've known for years, and he's very open with his stuff. I don't want to treat him as a stranger, but it's like he doesn't get there's a difference between candid one on one with friends and being put on the spot in front of other coworkers. 

Does any other single woman here deal with this? A lot of the comments I get sometimes can be really inappropriate. One time a guy was just like "been a long time, huh?" Maybe they think I'm too nice and non confrontational and they can just say whatever. 

[SuprSuprElevated]

7 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Maybe they think I'm too nice and non confrontational and they can just say whatever. 

That's on them, not on you.

[crazycatlady58]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

I've tried, it's not always the most successful. I know it should be though, thank you.

lol see, yeah I feel like I want something smart to make them go uhh what?! lol Because trying to politely make it clear I'm private has not worked out very well. 

There's one coworker I've known for years, and he's very open with his stuff. I don't want to treat him as a stranger, but it's like he doesn't get there's a difference between candid one on one with friends and being put on the spot in front of other coworkers. 

Does any other single woman here deal with this? A lot of the comments I get sometimes can be really inappropriate. One time a guy was just like "been a long time, huh?" Maybe they think I'm too nice and non confrontational and they can just say whatever. 

Maybe make up something really odd. " I am in a polygamist family.  I have 5 sister wife's. We are looking for a new member. Are you interested?"

[oliviabenson]

16 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I do too and don't know how to politely dodge them. 

I now reply with: you know someone to introduce me to? Shuts them up. 

 

[chocolatine]

6 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Does any other single woman here deal with this? A lot of the comments I get sometimes can be really inappropriate. One time a guy was just like "been a long time, huh?" Maybe they think I'm too nice and non confrontational and they can just say whatever. 

Not at my current workplace. Sometimes when people tell me about their kids they will in turn ask me if I have any, to which I answer that I don't and change the subject, and that's usually the end of it. I have worked for a company in the past where the head of HR (of all people!) had zero boundaries and would share people's life updates such as engagements and pregnancies at the company all-hands, complete with pictures from their personal Facebook or Instagram accounts. I set all my social media profiles to private during that time so that she wasn't able to get any of my personal information outside of what I was comfortable sharing with her.

[Annber03]

7 hours ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

"I only discuss such things with clergy.  Are you ordained?"*

That should shut 'em up...about multiple things on multiple levels.  You'll be lucky if they ask you for the time after that. 

*If by chance they are ordained, give 'em an answer that'll curl their hair, just for insurance.

LOL, I like this suggestion.

Could also go with, "Why do you want to know?/Why do you ask?" Turn it back on them and make them have to fumble for an explanation for why they need to know this information. That could make them think twice about asking again, too. 

[crazycatlady58]

44 minutes ago, Annber03 said:

LOL, I like this suggestion.

Could also go with, "Why do you want to know?/Why do you ask?" Turn it back on them and make them have to fumble for an explanation for why they need to know this information. That could make them think twice about asking again, too. 

Or you can say"  I will be glad to answer your question if I can ask an equally personal and intrusive question. "

[RealHousewife]

3 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

I now reply with: you know someone to introduce me to? Shuts them up. 

 

My luck, they'd say yes and try to hook me up. It's happened before. I've told someone I don't mix personal and work when he tried to set me up with his son. 

2 hours ago, Annber03 said:

LOL, I like this suggestion.

Could also go with, "Why do you want to know?/Why do you ask?" Turn it back on them and make them have to fumble for an explanation for why they need to know this information. That could make them think twice about asking again, too. 

I might be comfortable with that response depending on the person. There are coworkers I really think can't grasp the fact not everyone is as open as them. As much as the questions can be annoying, I don't want to hurt certain people's feelings. The ones I sense realize my discomfort and ask anyway, I am more comfortable being blunt with. 

1 hour ago, crazycatlady58 said:

Or you can say"  I will be glad to answer your question if I can ask an equally personal and intrusive question. "

lol, now I don't think I can be that blunt. I envy those of you who can. It's just difficult for me sometimes. Some people think I can already be a little too blunt as it is. 

One time I told this guy who kept asking me "you know, most of the time when someone's been really interested in my personal life, they've wanted to be part of it." It shut him up temporarily. 

[crazycatlady58]

2 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

My luck, they'd say yes and try to hook me up. It's happened before. I've told someone I don't mix personal and work when he tried to set me up with his son. 

I might be comfortable with that response depending on the person. There are coworkers I really think can't grasp the fact not everyone is as open as them. As much as the questions can be annoying, I don't want to hurt certain people's feelings. The ones I sense realize my discomfort and ask anyway, I am more comfortable being blunt with. 

lol, now I don't think I can be that blunt. I envy those of you who can. It's just difficult for me sometimes. Some people think I can already be a little too blunt as it is. 

One time I told this guy who kept asking me "you know, most of the time when someone's been really interested in my personal life, they've wanted to be part of it." It shut him up temporarily. 

I haven't used the " personal question " one..well for one reason I am old and no one asks anymore but I am saving it for the next person who ask me why I am wearing a mask.

[SuprSuprElevated]

4 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

"you know, most of the time when someone's been really interested in my personal life, they've wanted to be part of it."

I think you have already fixed the problem.  ^That is an awesome response; leaves one not quite sure if you are being funny or serious.

Run with that.

[RealHousewife]

4 minutes ago, crazycatlady58 said:

I haven't used the " personal question " one..well for one reason I am old and no one asks anymore but I am saving it for the next person who ask me why I am wearing a mask.

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you deal with that. 

2 minutes ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

I think you have already fixed the problem.  ^That is an awesome response; leaves one not quite sure if you are being funny or serious.

Run with that.

lol thanks

[SoMuchTV]

I wouldn’t want to give a response that was too confrontational, on the chance that the coworker was just bad at making small talk. I’d probably give them a small laugh and change the subject, implying “surely that’s not a serious question and I’m not going to pretend it is”. Unless this is someone with a track record of asking inappropriate questions. In that case, lots of good suggestions here. 

[RealHousewife]

1 minute ago, SoMuchTV said:

I wouldn’t want to give a response that was too confrontational, on the chance that the coworker was just bad at making small talk. I’d probably give them a small laugh and change the subject, implying “surely that’s not a serious question and I’m not going to pretend it is”. Unless this is someone with a track record of asking inappropriate questions. In that case, lots of good suggestions here. 

Agree, that's why I"m not comfortable getting too sassy with just anyone. 

[theredhead77]

If I'm asked if I have kids I answer "not that I know of". This confuses them since I am a cis-woman and if they persist I'll make up some outlandish story about not being able to remember a year of my life. They usually drop it.

[Jane Tuesday]

I don't mind if someone asks me if I'm married or have kids. Those are standard "getting to know you" questions, IMO, and not really that personal. Now, if somebody asks WHY I'm not married or WHY I don't have kids, or when/if I plan to do those things, that's a different story. But simple demographic info that could be easily found on the internet is no big deal. 

Of course, it does depend somewhat on context and tone. Is it a conversation or an interrogation? When I say I'm single with no kids, do they act like that's weird?

[RealHousewife]

29 minutes ago, Jane Tuesday said:

I don't mind if someone asks me if I'm married or have kids. Those are standard "getting to know you" questions, IMO, and not really that personal. Now, if somebody asks WHY I'm not married or WHY I don't have kids, or when/if I plan to do those things, that's a different story. But simple demographic info that could be easily found on the internet is no big deal. 

Of course, it does depend somewhat on context and tone. Is it a conversation or an interrogation? When I say I'm single with no kids, do they act like that's weird?

Yeah asking if I’m married or have kids doesn’t bother me. It’s the why are you single? When was your last boyfriend? What’s your longest relationship? Hot date this weekend? Don’t you want to give your parents grandkids? You should get on Tinder, etc. That’s when I get annoyed.

[SomeTameGazelle]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

Yeah asking if I’m married or have kids doesn’t bother me. It’s the why are you single? When was your last boyfriend? What’s your longest relationship? Hot date this weekend? Don’t you want to give your parents grandkids? You should get on Tinder, etc. That’s when I get annoyed.

Some of this sounds like it could be skating close to the sexual harrassment line. If so you might want to look at your workplace's policy and be ready with a response like "I don't think this is an appropriate discussion. Please don't bring it up again." (And keep records of when you made the request in case that doesn't shut it down and you need to escalate with HR.)

[SoMuchTV]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

Yeah asking if I’m married or have kids doesn’t bother me. It’s the why are you single? When was your last boyfriend? What’s your longest relationship? Hot date this weekend? Don’t you want to give your parents grandkids? You should get on Tinder, etc. That’s when I get annoyed.

Yikes!  I've never been in a workplace where people would ask things like that!  But speaking for myself, before I'd go to HR or tell someone to basically F-off, I'd assume social awkwardness on their part and answer with something like "Wow!  Nobody asked stuff like that at my last job!" and proceed to ignore the questions.

[RealHousewife]

On 8/27/2022 at 3:55 PM, SomeTameGazelle said:

Some of this sounds like it could be skating close to the sexual harrassment line. If so you might want to look at your workplace's policy and be ready with a response like "I don't think this is an appropriate discussion. Please don't bring it up again." (And keep records of when you made the request in case that doesn't shut it down and you need to escalate with HR.)

You don't want to hear some of the stuff that's been said to me. 

On 8/27/2022 at 4:05 PM, SoMuchTV said:

Yikes!  I've never been in a workplace where people would ask things like that!  But speaking for myself, before I'd go to HR or tell someone to basically F-off, I'd assume social awkwardness on their part and answer with something like "Wow!  Nobody asked stuff like that at my last job!" and proceed to ignore the questions.

Thank you both for the advice. I think it varies with each person-just making conversation, seeing me as a friend, and then the obviously intrusive.

[Blergh]

I think I'd reply that I'm there to do my job and stay ontask while I'm on the clock and NOT to date any coworkers . Hence, my present or previous dating life is SO not any co-worker's biz (and, yes, I'd write an email to myself detailing (and dating) the conversation).

[RealHousewife]

57 minutes ago, Blergh said:

I think I'd reply that I'm there to do my job and stay ontask while I'm on the clock and NOT to date any coworkers . Hence, my present or previous dating life is SO not any co-worker's biz (and, yes, I'd write an email to myself detailing (and dating) the conversation).

Thank you. I don't think the guys who've asked (recently) are trying to hit on me. I've been there though, and it's the worst. 

[chocolatine]

14 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

You don't want to hear some of the stuff that's been said to me. 

You should document all of that and report it to HR. They may or may not do something about it, but at least there will be a record in case any of those people every try to accuse *you* of anything.

I don't know what industry you're in, but that is not a normal or professional work environment, and may even be considered "hostile" depending on what's being said to you. You don't have to put up with it.

[SuprSuprElevated]

[Annber03]

Oh, my god, I need that cup.