Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[oliviabenson]

Another prize:

started off okay but started to pressure me to meet in a hotel… wanted to get to know one another 🙄 after a shower together.

wanted us to shave/wash each other, oookayyy there horny buddy. 

 

Basically I said I’m not comfortable meeting you, well he said relax, take drugs haha jk.

 

uh oh what?! That took a turn, take drugs to relax. 
 

I blocked him.

 

[Bastet]

4 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I'm not even religious, but sometimes I think I need to start dating religious men to see if I have better luck.

Given the way many religions regard women, that doesn't seem like a good idea.

Edited October 22, 2023 by Bastet

[oliviabenson]

I’m gonna try OLD until the end of the year, after that I’m done. I can’t take anymore of these “men”. I’m not an escort or anything like that. At least have not been asked for $ recently by these “men”. 
 

[HerkyJerky]

On 10/22/2023 at 11:23 AM, RealHousewife said:

I'm not even religious, but sometimes I think I need to start dating religious men to see if I have better luck.

I was out with one of my women friends recently and I asked about a mutual friend of ours. He’s a nice guy, but he’s just kind of clueless and self involved. She told me that he met a woman on Christian mingle. I said I didn’t know he was that religious and she says he’s not Lol 

Edited October 25, 2023 by HerkyJerky
Fixed pronoun

[Scarlett45]

I found this very cool video that was uploaded to The Financial Diet about the Culture of Dating, financially, for both hetero and non heteronormative frameworks. 
 

I thought it was pretty funny and they had a lot of good points. 
 

I quote Chelsea “someone may be fun to go out with, good in bed, and a good friend but is that someone you want to own a business (like marriage) with?”

[JTMacc99]

On 10/22/2023 at 12:23 PM, RealHousewife said:

I attract a lot of men who are bad boy types, ladies men, players, you get the picture.

Pretty much by definition, those are the men who are actively making propositions. A LOT of decent men, mid-30's and older, become perfectly content to be on their own.

They're not against getting into a healthy relationship, but actively hunting for one takes a lot of emotional energy (for a good man). They'll often just be pretty damn happy going to work, engaging in whatever activities they enjoy, and that's it.

[Scarlett45]

I had an interesting phone date last night. Let’s call him Game Stop Guy. 
 He asked several times could he call me, so I said sure (nothing wrong with a video or phone date first from someone you meet online). 

It was going well, but then he disappeared and I heard him talking to someone else. I think he was at work!
Ummmmmm🫢. 

I wasn’t sure because he came right back, and we continued the conversation. The second time, I asked “are you speaking to me?” And heard the convo in the background. I hung up and texted him that I had to get ready for work, thanks for the conversation. 
 

Just odd. You ask to call me while you’re at work and leave the conversation without even saying “hold on” (which would’ve been fine, things happen) and expect me to just hang out on the phone?

On 10/26/2023 at 9:21 AM, JTMacc99 said:

Pretty much by definition, those are the men who are actively making propositions. A LOT of decent men, mid-30's and older, become perfectly content to be on their own.

They're not against getting into a healthy relationship, but actively hunting for one takes a lot of emotional energy (for a good man). They'll often just be pretty damn happy going to work, engaging in whatever activities they enjoy, and that's it.

I’m not a man, so I appreciate your perspective @JTMacc99. From what I have seen of men interested in a long term relationship once we are over 30, they date of course, but they aren’t putting in the energy into “hunting” the way players are. Plenty of players are men are of good character, but monogamy isn’t their thing (which I can respect) and they are upfront about that. However they spend more time “hunting” because they want more interactions with women!

[oliviabenson]

[oliviabenson]

Or an a different planet/alternate time line. He is somewhere, not here but somewhere else…

[Scarlett45]

6 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

This is funny. 

[oliviabenson]

1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said:

Pretty much by definition, those are the men who are actively making propositions. A LOT of decent men, mid-30's and older, become perfectly content to be on their own.

They're not against getting into a healthy relationship, but actively hunting for one takes a lot of emotional energy (for a good man). They'll often just be pretty damn happy going to work, engaging in whatever activities they enjoy, and that's it.

Makes perfect sense. Thanks for the male perspective 🙂

 

[Bastet]

As I have a Designing Women episode for every occasion, this conversation reminds me of when Mary Jo makes an absolute fool out of herself following the advice of one of those "How to trap yourself a man" books, and concludes:

The kind of guy I'm looking for is probably a homebody like me; he's sitting in front of the fire petting his Irish Setter.  Somebody who cares about the same things that I care about, you know, who would appreciate me.  But that kind of guy is just impossible to meet -- because he is at home.

[oliviabenson]

Another prize… why do I attract all the nooooozzz?! 
 

His=H’s

I don’t expect a guy to pay but wow. All I get is free nookie expectations/requests. 
 

 

[Lisa418722]

2 hours ago, Bastet said:

As I have a Designing Women episode for every occasion, this conversation reminds me of when Mary Jo makes an absolute fool out of herself following the advice of one of those "How to trap yourself a man" books, and concludes:

The kind of guy I'm looking for is probably a homebody like me; he's sitting in front of the fire petting his Irish Setter.  Somebody who cares about the same things that I care about, you know, who would appreciate me.  But that kind of guy is just impossible to meet -- because he is at home.

I just told someone the other day, I really want to meet a guy, but step one is leaving home.  My neighborhood isn't that great for meeting guys so I just stay home and dream the impossible dream.  

[oliviabenson]

2 hours ago, Lisa418722 said:

I just told someone the other day, I really want to meet a guy, but step one is leaving home.  My neighborhood isn't that great for meeting guys so I just stay home and dream the impossible dream.  

I had 2 fires and many firefighters showed up and zilch in the giving me the phone number. 

[Scarlett45]

I heard from Game Stop Guy (the guy who disappeared mid conversation!) again, which surprised me, thought he was giving me the brush off. Let’s see how this goes. 

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

I heard from Game Stop Guy (the guy who disappeared mid conversation!)

Did he say anything about that odd behavior, like "I'm sorry about that phone call -- I thought I'd have uninterrupted time, and then people kept barging into my office"?  (Still wouldn't explain not asking, "Can you hold on a minute?" though.)

[Scarlett45]

13 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Did he say anything about that odd behavior, like "I'm sorry about that phone call -- I thought I'd have uninterrupted time, and then people kept barging into my office"?  (Still wouldn't explain not asking, "Can you hold on a minute?" though.)

No. That’d be a reasonable explanation.

 

 He just asked what I was doing tomorrow and I told him. 

[RealHousewife]

 

On 10/22/2023 at 12:24 PM, Scarlett45 said:

I joke that very religious people LOVE ME😂, of all ages, genders and backgrounds. 

But I agree- men that are sexually promiscuous aren’t necessarily the ones that are rude assholes, and don’t violate boundaries. Plenty of “players” are gentlemen and aren’t sexually entitled.

Are you religious? I’ve found that 1. Men of genuine faith tend to partner young (like younger than 25) and 2. If they are religious they want someone who is the same- not necessarily the same religion, but that it has to be just a big a part of your life as it is theirs or there is a major incompatibility. 

So true, and if it's a retired player, I'm totally open! 

Nope, I believe we're about the same age. Yeah, I get that someone who's very into their faith wouldn't be the best fit, but maybe if they're religious but it doesn't consume their life, it's possible it could work? I'm just so tired of the men who hit on me who hit on everyone, who are married, who are way older, who focus a lot on my looks, who get get sexual very quickly. I don't need some over the top romantic Prince Charming guy. I just want an honest, genuinely kind gentleman who respects me and makes me feels special.

 

On 10/22/2023 at 3:48 PM, Bastet said:

Given the way many religions regard women, that doesn't seem like a good idea.

You're right. It's not the best solution. I wish I could find a way to weed out guys who see women as sex objects. I know there are going to be a lot of religious men who see women as sex objects and nonreligious people like myself who see people's value beyond the physical. It just seems like some of the most loyal, decent men I've met in my life happen to be religious. A couple of them actually married women older than they are too. 

On 10/24/2023 at 6:21 PM, HerkyJerky said:

I was out with one of my women friends recently and I asked about a mutual friend of ours. He’s a nice guy, but he’s just kind of clueless and self involved. She told me that he met a woman on Christian mingle. I said I didn’t know he was that religious and she says he’s not Lol 

lol to be clear, I'm not going on Christian mingle or pretending to be a believer. I just generally like to be on the same page when it comes to religion and politics. My number one thing though is a man who respects women. I think it's so important to me because I've worked with some sleazy men. 

On 10/26/2023 at 9:21 AM, JTMacc99 said:

Pretty much by definition, those are the men who are actively making propositions. A LOT of decent men, mid-30's and older, become perfectly content to be on their own.

They're not against getting into a healthy relationship, but actively hunting for one takes a lot of emotional energy (for a good man). They'll often just be pretty damn happy going to work, engaging in whatever activities they enjoy, and that's it.

Yeah it makes sense that the nice guy isn't out there hitting on everything. 

I hope I find one of those good single men around my age. I know they're out there. 

Edited October 28, 2023 by RealHousewife

[HerkyJerky]

On 10/26/2023 at 5:46 PM, Lisa418722 said:

I just told someone the other day, I really want to meet a guy, but step one is leaving home.  My neighborhood isn't that great for meeting guys so I just stay home and dream the impossible dream

I was watching Dr Phil (back in the day when the show was actually good) and he was asking this woman what she did to meet men and she basically said nothing.  He replied, "At this rate, he would have to throw himself on the hood of your car!"

[Scarlett45]

On 10/28/2023 at 2:22 AM, HerkyJerky said:

I was watching Dr Phil (back in the day when the show was actually good) and he was asking this woman what she did to meet men and she basically said nothing.  He replied, "At this rate, he would have to throw himself on the hood of your car!"

That’s funny. 
 

Meeting people isn’t usually a problem. I like people, and I think people like me- I feel I have a strong social network, but my biggest challenges in dating are meeting other guys that are childfree and actually liking them enough to put in the emotional labor required for a RELATIONSHIP (compared to scratching that sexual itch and moving on).

[RealHousewife]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

That’s funny. 
 

Meeting people isn’t usually a problem. I like people, and I think people like me- I feel I have a strong social network, but my biggest challenges in dating are meeting other guys that are childfree and actually liking them enough to put in the emotional labor required for a RELATIONSHIP (compared to scratching that sexual itch and moving on).

I can see that! You sound like a very nice person who knows what she’s doing. It is just tricky finding childfree men at our age, and putting in emotional work takes a lot more than having short-term relationships that are nothing but a good time.

[Scarlett45]

1 minute ago, RealHousewife said:

I can see that! You sound like a very nice person who knows what she’s doing. It is just tricky finding childfree men at our age, and putting in emotional work takes a lot more than having short-term relationships that are nothing but a good time.

You’re very sweet and kind to me!

It’s been my pattern to date for a little while, have fun and then it fizzles out. I start back up again when the sight of cute men makes me move faster😂😂. 
 

Now all of my friends are either partnered or parents (save for 3, one of whom lives in Taiwan while I’m in Chicago)- while I do think people still want me around and want to spend time with me, much of the time we want to do very different things. 
 

I never expected to get married or have a romantic partner (not against it on principle just never expected it to happen), but I also never thought about what things would look like when others did!

[Lantern7]

Quick question for any women who use dating sites/apps . . . does it make a difference when someone replies to your profile? I mean time of the day/night.

Edited November 3, 2023 by Lantern7

[nokat]

2 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Quick question for any women who use dating sites/apps . . . does it make a difference when someone replies to your profile? I mean time of the day/night.

I would think it would depend on location, such as are they local, and if they are working other than nine to five. I wouldn't dismiss someone just because of this.

Edited November 3, 2023 by nokat

[nokat]

8 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I never expected to get married or have a romantic partner (not against it on principle just never expected it to happen), but I also never thought about what things would look like when others did!

Not all of us do expect it and then end up doing it anyway. What I do see is so much animosity with a person you swore to love, and then found out too late that they are not what you expected.

[Scarlett45]

On 11/3/2023 at 12:50 AM, Lantern7 said:

Quick question for any women who use dating sites/apps . . . does it make a difference when someone replies to your profile? I mean time of the day/night.

Not really. I work a standard 8-5pm corporate job, and I am aware everyone does not. So I’m only checking in off work hours. Now what I think is odd is if you’re texting me in the middle of the night with an expectation that I respond (but that’s further on down the line). 
 

Also as far as lifestyle compatibility- if I’m chatting to someone who doesn’t function well before noon it’s HIGHLY unlikely it’s going to go anywhere. I get up early and go to bed early. I understand not everyone is like that, but I have to do what works for me. I’m not staying up all hours of the night and messing up my routine to date someone. 

[HerkyJerky]

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mychalthompson/reddit-shares-reasons-why-theyre-single

 

[Annber03]

From that link, I think this one sums me up the best:

Quote

"As someone who has been single for a while, you kind of get this strange mix of pickiness, cynicism, and preference for personal space that just keeps you single."

Yep. I also agree with the ones who talk about the struggle of putting yourself out there and opening up so much about yourself like that. There's just not a lot to do in my town, there's not really a lot of people around my age here and the ones that are here are usually already in relationships or have some kind of drama with relationships that I don't want to deal with, or they have kids and I'm not looking to be a mom right now (if ever)  And it's hard to find people here who share similar interests as me. 

And with online dating, knowing how my experience with social media goes, I feel like I'd be the sort who'd set up a profile and then totally forget to check it :p. I feel like if I were to connect with someone online, it'd probably be through an online setting where we're both already there for something we're interested in, like a fandom space or things of that sort. 

But yeah, I just tend to figure that if and when I do find someone I want to be with, it'll happen if and when it happens, I don't want to feel like I'm trying to force it. 

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, HerkyJerky said:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mychalthompson/reddit-shares-reasons-why-theyre-single

The headline: People Are Revealing Why They're Still Single, And I Wonder If You Sympathize With Their Situation

As if anyone asks married or otherwise coupled people to "reveal" why they're situated that way, and asks readers if they "sympathize" with that.

[HerkyJerky]

In the comments section below the article, one person said to go check out Daniel Sloss' Netflix Special called "Jigsaw" for the reason this person was single.  So, I watched it last night.  Very insightful!

[Scarlett45]

More tales from online dating- I’ve had some coffee dates, nice enough but no vibes. I am bummed Amazon guy didn’t ask me out again he was the best date I had in a long time. 
 

But in drama news, I’m going to share my interaction with Disco Guy (named because he had a disco ball in his picture on Hinge). 
 

He asks for my number and texts me a week ago, I say “hello nice to meet you” no response back, he calls me Friday at 2pm. 
I responded to him saying I was out with my mom Friday, asking how he was  

Today he got snippy with me when he messaged me again wanting to talk, I asked when did he want to schedule a time to meet-and he said I didn’t get the memo, we didn’t need to schedule a phone call. But he was busy at church call him later. 🤔

Then what the fuck do you want?

You don’t want to text, you want to talk on the phone/meet up but you won’t schedule a time??
But now you’re busy at church?
That makes not a lick of sense. 
 

obviously we aren’t compatible. 

[isalicat]

Saw a great interview with Chris Williamson, who is a combination of many talents, one of them as a life coach. Within the interview, which covers a lot of stuff, he talks about the current dating scene and what women have to put up with...and also how to go about being more successful in life, and within that, the quest for a true partner, if that is a personal goal. I highly recommend:

 

 

[oliviabenson]

 I was asked if I wanted to be a sister wife haha.

Edited November 14, 2023 by oliviabenson

[theredhead77]

What app is that? I've been on a bunch and have never seen that type of "add friend" button..

[oliviabenson]

31 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

What app is that? I've been on a bunch and have never seen that type of "add friend" button..

Tagged

[ginger90]

20 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Tagged

That app has lousy reviews. 

[oliviabenson]

43 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

That app has lousy reviews. 

It’s pretty bad haha

[oliviabenson]

From Bumble:

the guy is in grey. 
 

Anyone want a young guy to take care of/provide housing for? 

[Scarlett45]

I had a guy who hadn’t texted me in months reach out this week and ask me what my plans were for the evening. At least he’s honest. 

[Lantern7]

Looking for advice . . .  if I'm liking a profile, should I message that person? If so, how much should I write? I'm thinking 2-3 sentences.

[isalicat]

12 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Looking for advice . . .  if I'm liking a profile, should I message that person? If so, how much should I write? I'm thinking 2-3 sentences.

Yes - keep it brief and complimentary! Say something nice about what caught your interest in that particular person...and if possible, what about you "corresponds" to that...

Good luck!

[oliviabenson]

Men even turned Reddit into a dating apps. So many guys wrote me on Reddit. Including a very eager 23 year old who lives 2 states away. He was willing to drive 2 hours each way for some booty. He made sure to make that clear that he was expecting booty. Oookayyy. 
 

Bless his horny little heart he made me laugh for a while. 

[oliviabenson]

Ok Reddit can and is being used as a dating app by guys. My screen name is girly apparently. Next time I’m going with 

user878 or sausagefest2097 or something. 
 

Men are reallllyyyy horny.

 

I deleted all the apps and I’m happy as can be. What a waste of time to try dating using apps. 

[RealHousewife]

Has anyone had luck dating lately? I'd love for someone to give me hope. :)

[Lantern7]

Aside from an occasional response to my profile? Nothing, really.

[Lisa418722]

I occasionally think I need to get back on some site, but I'm not sure which one.  

[RealHousewife]

I'm struggling more being single the older I get. My family is small. I love my sister but can only handle her in small doses due to her immaturity and temper. Most of my friends have their own partners/kids. Just gets so lonely. 

I really want to find someone this year. Universe, please send me a kindhearted, respectful guy. 

[SunnyBeBe]

Hey everybody.  I just wanted to post my recent experience.  I went on a fitness/weight loss journey last year and was ready to start dating.  I go to a gym, but though friendly, no one there has asked me out.  I had a couple of longtime platonic male friends/colleagues ask me out, but I’m sort of wary of that due to our social cliches and how we run in same professional circles. So, I had just about decided  what I had to do. One day I was standing in my kitchen, staring out the window, thinking….no man is just going to pick up his phone, call me and ask me out….get a profile and date online like everyone else.  THEN, the next day, an old boyfriend that I had not seen in 22 years, called me out of nowhere and asked me out!   Really!  We’ve been dating now for about 2 months.  No labels, no expectations….which is what I want for now, but it’s good!  Fun, affectionate , exciting and comfortable.  
 

Oh, about 2 weeks ago, an old male friend that  got divorced last year, called and asked me out!  I said yes, but we haven’t scheduled it. He lives about 2 hrs away.  I hadn’t seen him in several years. 
 

I still might pursue online options.  I want to really enjoy my summer.  There are all kinds of possibilities!  Stay positive. I never would have guessed it was possible.  

Edited May 3 by SunnyBeBe

[RealHousewife]

^ Thank you for giving me hope! I'm very excited for you. :)