Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[oliviabenson]

A guy asked for a hook up/specific act he wanted. I had to google what it was lol. 
 

I unmatched. Not to mention he is in another state! 

[oliviabenson]

Todays guy says he lives with his baby and nanny. The nanny has to be his baby mom. Lol

[oliviabenson]

Oh I found the worst dating app ever. Avoid tagged app at all costs. 

[theredhead77]

Dating is similar to friendship. 

If I'm asking all the questions (always initiating plans) he's not into me.

If I feel annoyed that he keeps asking me questions, I'm not asking him any and should just unmatch because I'm not into him (the friendship).

[oliviabenson]

That’s the guy I’m texting with now. I’m asking all the questions. He doesn’t flirt or compliment my pictures. Nothing. After tonight bye P.

I even said you are so cute P! Crickets.

[Lantern7]

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

That’s the guy I’m texting with now. I’m asking all the questions. He doesn’t flirt or compliment my pictures. Nothing. After tonight bye P.

I even said you are so cute P! Crickets.

I'd be afraid if stepping on toes and breaking the connection. I don't want to gone off superficial, so I don't cite the photos much.

[oliviabenson]

17 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

I'd be afraid if stepping on toes and breaking the connection. I don't want to gone off superficial, so I don't cite the photos much.

After I say hey I think you cute… 

Guy should say something back or at least hey I like your hair or anything. And not asking questions means he does not care. Or even ask me for a coffee date.

We been chatting for a week already… 

Time for me to move on.

[RealHousewife]

8 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Oh I found the worst dating app ever. Avoid tagged app at all costs. 

Thanks for letting us know. I never even heard of tagged. I'm sorry you're having such a negative experience with it. 

Dating is indeed a lot like friendship. Biggest differences at the top of my head is that there has to be a physical attraction, and you're going to be pickier in your romantic life if you date to be with someone long term. I don't really care if my friends smoke, have kids, how they vote, etc. 

[HerkyJerky]

45 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

you're going to be pickier in your romantic life if you date to be with someone long term. I don't really care if my friends smoke, have kids, how they vote, etc. 

SO TRUE!

[Bastet]

That's interesting.  The average friend is going to be in your life far longer than the average romantic partner, so requiring more compatibility from the latter seems off at first glance.  But, upon second look, even the closest of friends generally don't live with you, but you might wind up co-habitating with a romantic partner, with that degree of togetherness making it more important to agree on the fundamentals.  And on stuff like smoking -- if a friend smokes in their own home, oh well, but if a romantic partner does and then you move in together, now it's an issue. 

As to how someone votes, I've never understood Matalin-Carville type relationships.  No matter how many common trivial interests you share, and how stimulating debate between two intellectual equals is, how can you bind your life to someone whose fundamental worldview is the opposite of yours so that you disagree on every major issue?

[theredhead77]

3 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

After I say hey I think you cute… 

Guy should say something back or at least hey I like your hair or anything. And not asking questions means he does not care. Or even ask me for a coffee date.

We been chatting for a week already… 

Time for me to move on.

Is it really chatting if you're asking all the questions? 

Did you ask him on a coffee date or are you waiting for him to ask?

Why would you want to go out on any sort of date with someone who doesn't engage in basic conversation?

[oliviabenson]

Todays prize: claims no wife no kids…

I looked him up thanks to a site: 

He has a wife and 2 kids in their 20’s… 

Sigh.

Edited January 23, 2023 by oliviabenson

[Lantern7]

Maybe I should find these assholes and hang with them. A few days later: “Okay, so I’m a little broken in the head . . . but I’m not married and/or asking you to do some freaky bedroom stuff! Eh! Eeeeeh???”

[oliviabenson]

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

Todays prize: claims no wife no kids…

I looked him up thanks to a site: 

He has a wife and 2 kids in their 20’s… 

Sigh.

added:

went from let’s meet this weekend to let’s meet tonight for fun. He is picking me up in his car too. Fun probably means a hook up 😢. 

Block/unmatch. Oh he made himself 5 years younger to boot. 

[oliviabenson]

New prize:

We started chatting today:

Call him daddy. We look to be the same age…

He is into bdsm/no condoms and sent me 25+ explicit pictures of him/him and women doing x rated things.. Wanted to meet after work to do you all know what. I’m surprised my phone didn’t die from all the texts.

 

I seem to attract nothing but creeps. I don’t know how to look at men anymore without disgust… 

[RealHousewife]

I'd just get off that particular app at this point. I know there are lots of awful men in the world, but there are still many good guys out there. 

[Bastet]

2 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Call him daddy.

Gross.

[Jaded]

2 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

New prize:

We started chatting today:

Call him daddy. We look to be the same age…

He is into bdsm/no condoms and sent me 25+ explicit pictures of him/him and women doing x rated things.. Wanted to meet after work to do you all know what. I’m surprised my phone didn’t die from all the texts.

 

I seem to attract nothing but creeps. I don’t know how to look at men anymore without disgust… 

Delete that app because.....🤢

 

[Lantern7]

I couldn't be a "daddy." I'd be lucky to qualify as "uncle."

I meant that in the non-grossest way possible, and I probably failed.

[AgentRXS]

To all the identifying as boys/men participating or lurking on this thread, some advice:

Using a photo that identifies you as a prison inmate as a profile pic is not a good look. Also, please refrain from using a pic of yourself on the toilet naked and covering your bits and pieces as your profile pic as well. Just, no. Thank you.

Sincerely,

All of us who identify as female and are attracted to men. 

 

 

[Lantern7]

6 minutes ago, AgentRXS said:

To all the identifying as boys/men participating or lurking on this thread, some advice:

Using a photo that identifies you as a prison inmate as a profile pic is not a good look. Also, please refrain from using a pic of yourself on the toilet naked and covering your bits and pieces as your profile pic as well. Just, no. Thank you.

Sincerely,

All of us who identify as female and are attracted to men.

I figured as much.

Seriously, though, what sort of photos would attract women's attention? One of my hang-ups is that I feel like I can't smile in a "normal" way.

[AgentRXS]

Honestly, its a witty intro and someone who projects confidence and warmth in their profile that does the trick. Looks are a small part, but personality is everything. Also, put in a little effort. Make sure the pics are not blurry and are taken in good lighting.

[RealHousewife]

38 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

I figured as much.

Seriously, though, what sort of photos would attract women's attention? One of my hang-ups is that I feel like I can't smile in a "normal" way.

Try to smile with your eyes. :)

[Bastet]

55 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

One of my hang-ups is that I feel like I can't smile in a "normal" way.

Do you have a good candid photo someone took of you when you weren't posing for the camera?  One that gives an accurate look at you (not just 1/2 of your face or something), but you in a natural moment rather than you trying to smile for the camera?

Of myself and others, I like a good number of pictures where we know we're being photographed, but many of my favorites are moments I didn't know were being captured.  I went through 50 years worth of photographs to create a slideshow for my parents' anniversary party, and my absolute favorite was one from my college graduation where they had no idea my uncle - who was a fantastic amateur photographer and spotted and framed a moment - was snapping a picture as they stood facing about 3/4 forward, and then turning a little more to smile at each other. 

[JTMacc99]

On 1/16/2023 at 3:45 PM, Bastet said:

That's how a friend met her husband; he came up to her in Home Depot and asked her a question. 

Amusingly enough, I stumbled across this earlier today. Apparently there is a bit of a thing where women are having fun recommending to ditch the dating apps and go look for a man at Home Depot. (It's mostly them being silly, for what it's worth.)

https://www.businessinsider.com/tiktok-users-look-for-future-husbands-home-depot-stores-nationwide-2023-1

If this ever catches on for real, it could bode well for me, as I'm pretty much the guy in the last video with the dog, except I'm more of a Lowe's guy.

[oliviabenson]

4 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

Amusingly enough, I stumbled across this earlier today. Apparently there is a bit of a thing where women are having fun recommending to ditch the dating apps and go look for a man at Home Depot. (It's mostly them being silly, for what it's worth.)

https://www.businessinsider.com/tiktok-users-look-for-future-husbands-home-depot-stores-nationwide-2023-1

If this ever catches on for real, it could bode well for me, as I'm pretty much the guy in the last video with the dog, except I'm more of a Lowe's guy.

You are a male?

[HerkyJerky]

RealHousewife, I noticed that you also frequent The View message boards like me.  Look what's on Tuesday's episode:

Tuesday, Jan. 31 – Jay Shetty (author, “8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It and Let It Go”)

We'll both have to watch it and report back here if there are any useful tips for our fellow forum members.😉

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 1/24/2023 at 11:47 PM, Lantern7 said:

Seriously, though, what sort of photos would attract women's attention? One of my hang-ups is that I feel like I can't smile in a "normal" way.

I said upthread that my I met my boyfriend 25 years ago online, when selfies hadn't been invented (oh, how I long for that time).  People almost never had more than one photo, and his was from his Malibu Grand Prix driver's license, with some photoshopped clouds in the background to make it look less like a Malibu Grand Prix driver's license photo.

Then again, he rarely takes a bad photo (hence an acceptable Malibu Grand Prix driver's license photo, FFS), and claims his secret is smiling like crazy.  I, on the other hand, take the worst photos on the planet, no doubt because I know I take the worst photos on the planet and my attitude is written all over my face.  Plus I'm hard of hearing so every time somebody says something before snapping the photo, I go, "Huh?" and that always results in a wretched photo.

People like me need to heed Bastet's advice and have photos taken when we don't realize we're being photographed. 

Actually, that reminds me--I once had to have a studio photo taken, and I took out my contacts hoping that not being able to see anything would help.  It didn't.

On 1/23/2023 at 3:29 PM, oliviabenson said:

went from let’s meet this weekend to let’s meet tonight for fun. He is picking me up in his car too. Fun probably means a hook up 😢. 

Block/unmatch. Oh he made himself 5 years younger to boot. 

I can't tell--were you even considering letting a stranger pick you up at your house in his car?  I did online dating back in the kinder, gentler days, and even then I never let any of them know where I lived, and only one advanced to picking me up in his car at my house (the eventual winner, Mr. Outlier).

[oliviabenson]

19 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I said upthread that my I met my boyfriend 25 years ago online, when selfies hadn't been invented (oh, how I long for that time).  People almost never had more than one photo, and his was from his Malibu Grand Prix driver's license, with some photoshopped clouds in the background to make it look less like a Malibu Grand Prix driver's license photo.

Then again, he rarely takes a bad photo (hence an acceptable Malibu Grand Prix driver's license photo, FFS), and claims his secret is smiling like crazy.  I, on the other hand, take the worst photos on the planet, no doubt because I know I take the worst photos on the planet and my attitude is written all over my face.  Plus I'm hard of hearing so every time somebody says something before snapping the photo, I go, "Huh?" and that always results in a wretched photo.

People like me need to heed Bastet's advice and have photos taken when we don't realize we're being photographed. 

Actually, that reminds me--I once had to have a studio photo taken, and I took out my contacts hoping that not being able to see anything would help.  It didn't.

I can't tell--were you even considering letting a stranger pick you up at your house in his car?  I did online dating back in the kinder, gentler days, and even then I never let any of them know where I lived, and only one advanced to picking me up in his car at my house (the eventual winner, Mr. Outlier).

No

[Anela]

On 1/27/2023 at 2:28 PM, JTMacc99 said:

Amusingly enough, I stumbled across this earlier today. Apparently there is a bit of a thing where women are having fun recommending to ditch the dating apps and go look for a man at Home Depot. (It's mostly them being silly, for what it's worth.)

https://www.businessinsider.com/tiktok-users-look-for-future-husbands-home-depot-stores-nationwide-2023-1

If this ever catches on for real, it could bode well for me, as I'm pretty much the guy in the last video with the dog, except I'm more of a Lowe's guy.

I saw two men with dogs, in a Lowe's, last night. I wonder if they've heard about it, too. 

I told dad, I smiled when he'd asked if I'd seen the first dog, and a little while later, I heard a man ask his wife, "Did you see the dog?" 

The second one was walking in, as we left. 

[HerkyJerky]

On 1/29/2023 at 11:01 PM, HerkyJerky said:

Jay Shetty (author, “8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It and Let It Go”)

From the introduction to his book:

"What is the difference between like and love?" asks a student.  The teacher responds, "When you like a flower, you pluck it.  When you love a flower, you water it daily." This frequently cited dialogue illustrates one of my favorite ideas about love. We are attracted to beauty-we long for it-and want it for our own.  This is the flower that we pluck and enjoy. But attraction, like a cut flower, eventually withers, and we discard it. When attraction develops into love, it requires more care. When we want to keep a flower alive, we don't cut it and put it in a vase. We give it sunlight, soil, and water. And it's only when you care for a flower over time, doing your best to keep it alive, that you fully experience its beauty.

[JTMacc99]

On 1/30/2023 at 2:15 PM, StatisticalOutlier said:

Plus I'm hard of hearing so every time somebody says something before snapping the photo, I go, "Huh?" and that always results in a wretched photo.

People like me need to heed Bastet's advice and have photos taken when we don't realize we're being photographed. 

Heh.

Now that we take pictures with our phones and not with actual film, whenever anybody asks me to take a picture, I just start snapping while the group is still posing, getting ready for the picture, and all the way through the actual "okay, smile!" part.

Who knows? Maybe the photos of them chatting with each other might actually be better than the one where they all smile for the camera. If not, they can just delete them.

[Bethany]

 I used to belong to the long gone now snopes message board and two of the participants did actually strike up a friendship online through the board and eventually met and married.  I wonder if message boards are a better opportunity to really get to know someone as opposed to a dating site?

Edited February 3, 2023 by Elizabeth Anne

[JTMacc99]

20 minutes ago, Elizabeth Anne said:

I wonder if message boards are a better opportunity to really get to know someone as opposed to a dating site?

Getting to know somebody? Definitely.

You're sharing thoughts and ideas and even your feelings about things, and you're doing so regularly and over a period of time much longer than what you would expect from a dating site. A dating site conversation exists for the goal of meeting in person. There's a clock running once you strike up a conversation on a dating site. 

But message boards lack the two really important things you need for the purposes of finding a romantic partner: Proximity and Physical Attraction. You'd need to be really lucky to hit it off with somebody on a message board, and then find out that they're in your neighborhood, the same general age range, and you're attracted to them once you actually see them (and they to you.)

 

[Bethany]

14 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

You'd need to be really lucky to hit it off with somebody on a message board, and then find out that they're in your neighborhood, the same general age range, and you're attracted to them once you actually see them (and they to you.)

Fair point.  It was just a thought as  I've been involved in message boards and facebook groups and guestbooks (that predate the FB age) where participants arranged to meet up. But I guess the goal there was friendship not a relationship.  

[JTMacc99]

Friendships, absolutely! Especially if you're already starting with a shared interest that brought everybody to the same message board.  It's super cool that you know of a pair of people who managed to turn it into marriage.

I would think that the friendship they forged first, even if it were just an online one, made the transition to dating easier and kind of exciting. 

[Bastet]

I've made three friends via message boards, but, yeah, only one was local (she is unfortunately no longer with us), so I don't get together in person with the other two terribly often.

I, too, used to know a couple who met on a message board and wound up getting married.

[ECM1231]

6 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

You'd need to be really lucky to hit it off with somebody on a message board, and then find out that they're in your neighborhood, the same general age range, and you're attracted to them once you actually see them (and they to you.)

True, but sometimes if the attraction is strong enough, people will move. I used to belong to a message board for a particular American Idol contestant. Some super fans of this contestant split off from a larger fan message board and formed this smaller, more intimate one. We got to know each other really well. One of our members lived in NYC and struck up a friendship with a single member in Chicago. The guy from NYC moved to Chicago and he and his bf have been together happily ever since. 

[HerkyJerky]

4 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

I used to belong to a message board for a particular American Idol contestant.

ECM1231, now you can't tell us that but not tell us which one!  There are so many great contestants from the past that I'm dying of curiosity!  LOL!

[ECM1231]

1 hour ago, HerkyJerky said:

ECM1231, now you can't tell us that but not tell us which one!  There are so many great contestants from the past that I'm dying of curiosity!  LOL!

Elliott Yamin, who came in 3rd place during season 5. He's had a fair amount of success, with several albums, and is still out there performing. 

This is a fairly recent collaboration he did.

https://youtu.be/46zVFDa3Vtc

[HerkyJerky]

My favorite Elliott Yamin performance from AI:

 

The first comment under this YouTube video:

It's 2019 and I'm still screaming "Elliott Yamin was robbed!"

[ECM1231]

59 minutes ago, HerkyJerky said:

My favorite Elliott Yamin performance from AI:

 

The first comment under this YouTube video:

It's 2019 and I'm still screaming "Elliott Yamin was robbed!"

Still feeling the same way in 2023! 

[oliviabenson]

This guy says he probably will not meet me/not doing well mentally. Then out of the blue texted me eventually got this:

After you tell a girl you don’t want to meet why invite her to the movies?

Well his response is clear: leave me alone 

[RealHousewife]

Honestly, this thread makes me more and more scared of online dating. 

I'd appreciate some advice from those of you who date a lot though . . .

Any of you good at picking out a good person? Does it just take time?

I try to pay attention to the obvious stuff like how they treat servers, their relationships with their family (especially females), but anything else that gives a quick insight into what someone's really like?

I've had a number of experiences where guys are nothing but nice until they get rejected or don't get something they want. I am a sensitive soul, and at my age, I'm not looking to date just to date either. I'd love a life partner and would like to try for kids before it's too late. My number one thing is kindness. I need to be attracted but he doesn't have to be conventionally attractive, don't color what color a guy is, where he's from, have even become more open when it comes to how a guy votes, etc. I just really want someone who's a sweetheart, very respectful of women, and would never intentionally hurt anyone. 

[aradia22]

I don't think there are any magic tips that are really helpful in looking through online profiles. I've gone out with guys who haven't written a ton. And even if he has a great profile, it only proves he can write an appealing profile. I think you have to know what you want and to have the patience to suss someone out. That's really the only way to know. If you don't want to go on that many dates, I think phone calls can be helpful to determine chemistry. Otherwise, talk about real things on your dates... not necessarily heavy subjects, but things that you care about. Of the guys I went out with, 3-4 were relatively good guys but just not for me.

I'm still on a dating hiatus. But personally, I could never find that combination of a person I could see myself going to bed with that I actually enjoyed talking to. A romantic partner should make your life better, not worse. 

[oliviabenson]

Well a guy sent me pics of himself naked and “happy” on the toilet… then asked would I have a hook up with him on a subway! WTH??? He claims that he has hook ups on the train and train platforms. Eeww. 
 

 

 

[oliviabenson]

And so many say I’m not into condoms! What???

 

[Mondrianyone]

42 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Well a guy sent me pics of himself naked and “happy” on the toilet… then asked would I have a hook up with him on a subway! WTH??? He claims that he has hook ups on the train and train platforms. Eeww. 
 

 

 

I would tell him I'd do it if he would lie down on the third rail. We're each entitled to our own subway kinks, after all.

[oliviabenson]

18 minutes ago, Mondrianyone said:

I would tell him I'd do it if he would lie down on the third rail. We're each entitled to our own subway kinks, after all.

He is into bdsm too. What a cheapo creep. Let’s play daddy on a subway with an audience lol. 

[Annber03]

3 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Well a guy sent me pics of himself naked and “happy” on the toilet… then asked would I have a hook up with him on a subway! WTH??? He claims that he has hook ups on the train and train platforms. Eeww. 

Sometimes I truly wonder how some people manage to function in their day to day lives. The hell?

How do guys think stuff like this is sexy and enticing? How?