S02.E08: Adjusting To Married Life

[leighdear]

^  And the experts evaluation of the commonality between Davina & Sean? Late sexual maturity, bullying and neglect.  Now those are the building blocks of a rock-solid marriage!  *LOL*

[zxy556575]

If there's going to be any more new seasons of this 'experiment' then the three experts need be fired and replaced with experts that can do a better job of vetting the applications before they match people up.

 

There are four of them. The more the stupider. :)

 

Regarding the interminable geographic discussions -- hey! It's only for 4 weeks. Nobody is about to quit a job and uproot him- or herself to move to a different city for someone they don't know. Everyone's current shared housing is a temporary situation and either the couples subsequently figure it out or they divorce. They're all being bunch of nitwits about it, if you ask me.

[moonxyz]

I thought the fight would have been entertaining but it’s gotten to the point where it’s uncomfortable to watch. Production/the « experts » should have shut that shit down.

 

I don’t care whose side you are on, but things shouldn’t get this ugly, in front of the cameras. I don’t even have to imagine what happens when the cameras aren’t there.

 

Some believe Jess « made Ryan angry » therefore his piggish behavior is justified. I disagree. I never partook in the abuse accusation, but that was classic display of emotional and verbal abuse. Right down to when he broke her down and made her apologize.

 

 

What angers me even more is that they are probably going to make up and the abuse will be swept under the rug. I hope that if she is still with him, that watching the episode will give her the courage to leave him for good. I would never allow myself to be treated and such a way and would never allow for a relative or friend to be treated like this.

 

Ryan is an idiot. He was embarrassed she brought up the $100 and didn’t want to look broke on national TV but in wanting to repair his bruised ego he has done far, far worse damage to his image.

 

And the icing for the cake for me is Dr Pepper admitting they were paired because they would sexy together. Ha! Finally, the truth came out. I wasn’t buying the “strong family values” BS they were harping on. This match is a complete and utter failure. All matches this season are.

 

HOWEVER, I can’t forget the editing trick from last week’s episode. I feel that we are being set up and I’m frankly annoyed at the thought of these 2 staying together.

[PityFree]

What in Sam Hill made Dr. Pepper comment about Jessica and Ryan "It's great that they didn't return to their parents' homes during their fight!" Hey, Dr. Pepper? You might want to sit down for this, but both Jessica and Ryan have been living as adults, outside of their parents' homes, for nearly a decade. In fact, they still have their old apartments if they really wanted to go home. I seriously wonder if the "experts" would recognize this season's participants if they ran into them on the street -- that is how oblivious they seem.

[Adeejay]

Most of the houses are cute and close together but compared to most areas in the Bronx (with the exception of Riverdale, where I lived) it must look like a suburban paradise to Jessica.

 

There are actually some very nice, middle class, safe and beautiful neighborhoods in the Bronx.  I don't think it would really make a difference where Jessica grew up, because she seems to be touting several bags of issues.  When she told Ryan that her ex-boyfriend's family thought he was too good for her, he actually smirked.  Jessica seems to have a lot of confidence when the cameras are on, because that is when she goes for his jugular.  I believe that is what made him so angry.  I can't stand Ryan.  He appears to be arrogant and thinks way too highly of himself.  However, I can understand where he is coming from.  The camera aren't around 24/7.  If something is bothering her, how about waiting until they are alone and letting him know how she is feeling. Instead, she holds it until the cameras start rolling, thereby making him look like an even bigger douche.  Unless that is her intention. 

[ZaldamoWilder]

If something is bothering her, how about waiting until they are alone and letting him know how she is feeling. Instead, she holds it until the cameras start rolling, thereby making him look like an even bigger douche.  Unless that is her intention.

 

With you up until the bolded.  They can edit douchebaggery, they can't put it in.  Actually you've made me look at Jessica in an altogether new and admirable way.  I mean if this is as passive aggressive as it sounds, she's a brilliantly manipulative puppeteer. Lol.  I'm not sure how that would serve her once the crew leaves, but I can't help but giggle at the possibility.

[Bella]

I'm seeing little spots of excessive heat in some of these posts.

 

Let's try to avoid that. 

 

Thanks!

[Palomar]

And previews look kind of like Jaclyn and Ryan are heading for a fall...probably the producers drumming up drama...

 

 

This is the only couple that seems to have a chance but only if Ryan realizes that Jaclyn IS his family.  Yes, he feels obligated to help raise his niece but everyone deserves to start their own family.  His mother should not expect him to give up his own life. An hour is not that far away.  He really needs to concentrate on now with Jaclyn and see if it works out or he will have a lot of regrets someday.  Maybe the neice could eventually even live with them down the line.  Jaclyn has already said several times that he doesn't have to choose.

[Snarklepuss]

There are actually some very nice, middle class, safe and beautiful neighborhoods in the Bronx.  I don't think it would really make a difference where Jessica grew up, because she seems to be touting several bags of issues.  When she told Ryan that her ex-boyfriend's family thought he was too good for her, he actually smirked.  Jessica seems to have a lot of confidence when the cameras are on, because that is when she goes for his jugular.  I believe that is what made him so angry.  I can't stand Ryan.  He appears to be arrogant and thinks way too highly of himself.  However, I can understand where he is coming from.  The camera aren't around 24/7.  If something is bothering her, how about waiting until they are alone and letting him know how she is feeling. Instead, she holds it until the cameras start rolling, thereby making him look like an even bigger douche.  Unless that is her intention. 

 

I neglected to mention the other several nice areas in the Bronx - My bad, I didn't intend to do that, honest!  Actually the Bronx is on the upswing in several areas that until very recently were left for dead by the rest of the world, such as the way far down South Bronx, which is now seeing a slow re-gentrification.  Plus the bad old South Bronx is no more.  You go to those neighborhoods now and it's a totally different world.

 

I loved the comment above about the experts not knowing these couples if they fell over them - I thought Dr. Pepper's comments to Ryan and Jessica sounded completely ignorant and I didn't even catch her mentioning them not returning to their parents' homes when they both live independently of their parents!  The stuff she was telling Ryan and Jessica to do as "exercises" was IMO completely useless.  Unless the "real" advice she kept off camera.  Not sure I believe that there was any better advice, though.

[SaucyMommy]

Was I the only one that was annoyed by Sean and Davina being all "we have the same sense of humor" and they are laughing about bed wetting and he was all read between the lines...OMG it's no wonder these two were bullied and I'm so not in to bullying. But they are hard to like.

[Snarklepuss]

Was I the only one that was annoyed by Sean and Davina being all "we have the same sense of humor" and they are laughing about bed wetting and he was all read between the lines...OMG it's no wonder these two were bullied and I'm so not in to bullying. But they are hard to like.

 

Yeah, I haven't really wanted to say anything about that because the whole thing creeps me out.  I'm beginning to think Davina is just as creepy as Sean is.  The batteries comment was in really bad taste and she LOVED it.  On national TV no less?  Who does she think she is, Samantha from SATC?  Ugh, I'm feeling embarrassed just watching the two of them!

[SaucyMommy]

Same I need a shower after watching them.

[JapMo]

 

Yep, I said the same thing a couple of weeks ago about this show - maybe they decided to put the emphasis on the "experiment" for drama value rather than put together people who had any real chance of matching well.  Or perhaps they're testing the old adage, "opposites attract".  Having one thing in common while everything else is at odds is not a match.

 

And that kind of fits in with the fact we have not seen any one-on-one contact with the experts. They talk to the camera a lot, but who knows when that took place? Might have all been done in a room a week before the weddings. That way they don't have to pay them for their visits, which I felt was so well done last year. And why wouldn't they want the experts around besides having to shell out more money? Because they want more time for the couples to mess up, IMO. That creates the drama. So the show actually wants as much conflict as possible, while IMO the experts really have good intentions and want the couples to succeed.

[Wings]

Am I allowed to hate all 3 couples? Not the people, necessarily, but the matches? Because I do.

 

 

Yes, you are.  Schooch over and let me sit beside you.  

 

The premise intrigues me and I think it could make an interesting reality show with some huge changes.   A larger budget that only a major network could provide partnered with a top dating site (match.com, etc).  Right there you have a larger pool and people who have already stated some significant preferences like distance, to name one.  From there you interview them to find how they manage conflict resolution etc. And you would not invite anyone to the table who does not state that they are looking for marriage.  

 

And above all, find some real experts to work on this.  I would suggest marriage counselors on the panel.  I did this, in a workshop setting, for many years.  

[Jade Foxx]

 

Very, very interesting. I ran into a similar thing many years ago when I was working for low wages in a downtown city area with a lot of other single moms. I'm white and many of them were black. It was stunning to me how many of them refused to even speak to me when I started work there. I was sure no better and no richer than they were, and working just as hard. And all it did was hold THEM back.

 

In my experience, certain populations (particularly those who are under-employed, under-privileged, and are routinely discriminated against because of low socio-economic status)  - and thus are most affected by systemic discrimination and/or the white entitlement behavioral syndrome that exists in this country - may show outward mistrust and contempt toward a member of that historically entitled group, until the character of that person is validated. Them's the breaks. It's not an excuse, but an explanation.

 

 

So, yes, "ghetto mentality" is a very real phenomenon, and seeing certain community leaders encourage it by telling folks that somebody else is victimizing them and holding them back does absolutely nothing to help. Tends to make said community leaders very rich, though, through the donations their followers send them.

 

As a black woman who works in the medical field and academia, I can assure you this so-called "ghetto mentality" is not restricted to community leaders in impoverished neighborhoods. I have witnessed some of the most auspicious and respected members of this profession display some of the same behaviors.

 

Like others who've posted, I don't prefer to use the phrase "ghetto" because it is inflammatory, and usually (inextricably) linked to race.

 

A little OTT - but felt the need to interject.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Jade Foxx

[leighdear]

I'd love to know how Jac-Ryan's mom REALLY feels about the whole thing.  Since he's only an hour away, I'm betting that she's ok with the situation.  She may even LIKE not having him constantly underfoot.  And as much as the niece also depends on him, she's a tween, right?  Her friends, clothes, gossip & such are probably taking a lot of her time.  She may actually want more time with Aunt Jaclyn than with Uncle Ryan.

 

I have NO doubt that Ryan is very important to both of them, but maybe just not quite as much as he assumes.  Some people just REALLY need to be needed.  We saw some of that with the grocery situation. 

[sleekandchic]

Was I the only one that was annoyed by Sean and Davina being all "we have the same sense of humor" and they are laughing about bed wetting and he was all read between the lines...OMG it's no wonder these two were bullied and I'm so not in to bullying. But they are hard to like.

I got the impression that Davina's excessive laughter was forced, phony and largely due to embarrassment. I think she's at the end of her rope with Sean's phony posturing and is just playing along at this point. Maybe counting the days, too.

[okerry]

In my experience, certain populations (particularly those who are under-employed, under-privileged, and are routinely discriminated against because of low socio-economic status)  - and thus are most affected by systemic discrimination and/or the white entitlement behavioral syndrome that exists in this country - may show outward mistrust and contempt toward a member of that historically entitled group, until the character of that person is validated. Them's the breaks. It's not an excuse, but an explanation.

 

 

As a black woman who works in the medical field and academia, I can assure you this so-called "ghetto mentality" is not restricted to community leaders in impoverished neighborhoods. I have witnessed some of the most auspicious and respected members of this profession display some of the same behaviors.

 

Like others who've posted, I don't prefer to use the phrase "ghetto" because it is inflammatory, and usually (inextricably) linked to race.

 

A little OTT - but felt the need to interject.

And just wanted to add: I have some ex-in-laws who could be described as your basic "trailer trash" and strongly resembled Jamie's family as we saw it on the show. They had exactly the same "ghetto" mentality we were talking about, as in, they were all victims and it was always somebody else who was keeping them down. I do understand not wanting to use the word "ghetto", though I don't mean it to be a racial thing in any way - technically, it refers to any group isolated in a certain area by race, class, ethnicity, etc., but many think it only refers to a black neighborhood. The meaning is actually much larger and I've certainly seen "white ghettos," too.

 

Anyway, it's not entirely OT since it was a very interesting observation for the poster above to point out that Jessica did seem to come across with this sort of inferiority complex. And thank you, Jade Foxx, for an equally interesting discussion.

Edited May 6, 2015 by okerry

[essexjan]

I want that shower curtain.

[Wings]

I want it unironically because I'm a crazy cat/dog lady *hides*

 

 

amazon.com

[Jack Sampson]

I actually get Ryan R. He's not happy being this far away from his mom and niece and he needs to know that that will change in the future in order to fall in love. I think the reason he keeps bringing it up is that Jaclyn's not fully getting just how responsible he feels for his niece. She said something like "I miss my family too", which as true as it may be is not the same thing. She lived alone and wasn't responsible for any of her family members, while Ryan's been a father figure for his niece, whose sole caretaker is now a 70-year-old woman. He's not only missing them in the sense that he wants to see them more, he knows they miss and need HIM a lot, and it's eating him up inside. I don't think he wants to live in their basement, just a 10-15 minutes away, not an hour.

I agree, but look at it this way, if it was such an issue he would have made it a deal breaker - Judging by Davina that's allowed. Maybe it's not such an issue having him away and it's being exaggerated to sell a certain storyline. His mom and niece didn't even seem particularly upset with him leaving.

[misspearle]

In this video, Jaclyn says they both had told the experts they were not willing to move.  So I understand why Ryan is upset, but Jaclyn has a right to be upset as well. 

 

http://www.fyi.tv/shows/married-at-first-sight/videos/ryan-r-s-commuting-problem

 

[Bella]

The "experts'" disrespect of the participants is mind boggling. Yes, they agreed to be part of this experiment, and they may be famewhores. But I believe that they were led to think that their deal breakers would be honored and that they would be seriously matched. It seems to be that they're being treated like toys in some game instead. My cats treat their fuzzy mice better than the "experts" treated these couples.

YMMV.

[Wings]

7000 people applied, that is a fact.  I think it is safe to assume that 6000 of those were immediately eliminated at first glance.  Out of the 1000 they probably narrowed it down to a couple of hundred, if that, at the first round.  So I am willing to bet they had NO ONE who lived anywhere close to each other when the numbers got down to the predictable 20.   And that is why no one lives near each other! 

[anarchyangel84]

Ha! Now that's some real world common sense. Good call, anarchyangel!

I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not... Saying this may cause you to make fun of me more....

There goes my "real world common sense"!

[okerry]

7000 people applied, that is a fact.  I think it is safe to assume that 6000 of those were immediately eliminated at first glance.  Out of the 1000 they probably narrowed it down to a couple of hundred, if that, at the first round.  So I am willing to bet they had NO ONE who lived anywhere close to each other when the numbers got down to the predictable 20.   And that is why no one lives near each other! 

I have to wonder how many "usable" applicants they actually get. I mean, if you are desperate enough that you're willing to go on TV and marry a total stranger -- well, there might be a good reason why you're single. There may well be just a very small group that can be seriously considered, and out of that what are the odds of getting really good matches? I thought maybe they'd get a wider/better pool after the first show aired, but that does not seem to have been the case.

[mythoughtis]

That's a good point.  We don't really know what his brothers' involvement is with his mom and niece.  Do we know that they live close by?  I'm presuming he took it on himself being the youngest or the one single without other responsibilities to a family of his own.  But why should he not expect them to pitch in if he wants to finally have his own marriage and family himself?  That's just being a martyr.  I know families can be different, some siblings are not responsible enough to want to pitch in so that may be a factor too.

 

 

I don't think it's that.  I think that he thinks of his niece as a daughter.  He doesn't want to pass her around like a toy to share.  He's not going to just toss her to the side so that he can replace her with his 'own' family.  He considers the girl his first child.  Jaclyn doesn't get the difference between a 'niece' and a niece (or even unrelated child) that you have raised.   As someone else said, its as if he is a widower with a child.  He doesn't want to be the non-custodial parent.  I think his Mom has legal custody, but she is over 70.  She depends on Ryan to do a lot of the parenting, the chauffeuring, etc.   The producers needed to match him with someone from the local area, where they could live within 15 minutes or so from both sets of families.  Because that is what Ryan obviously wants. 

 

This conflict wouldn't be happening if Jaclyn was the one with the niece.  No one would be expecting her to move an hour away so she could start her 'own' family.

Edited May 7, 2015 by mythoughtis

[zxy556575]

We were told there were 7K+ applicants. I don't believe it, myself.

 

That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence. --Hitchen's Dictum

[Snarklepuss]

I don't think it's that.  I think that he thinks of his niece as a daughter.  He doesn't want to pass her around like a toy to share.  He's not going to just toss her to the side so that he can replace her with his 'own' family.  He considers the girl his first child.  Jaclyn doesn't get the difference between a 'niece' and a niece (or even unrelated child) that you have raised.   As someone else said, its as if he is a widower with a child.  He doesn't want to be the non-custodial parent.  I think his Mom has legal custody, but she is over 70.  She depends on Ryan to do a lot of the parenting, the chauffeuring, etc.   The producers needed to match him with someone from the local area, where they could live within 15 minutes or so from both sets of families.  Because that is what Ryan obviously wants. 

 

This conflict wouldn't be happening if Jaclyn was the one with the niece.  No one would be expecting her to move an hour away so she could start her 'own' family.

 

I wouldn't see it differently if Jaclyn were the one with the niece.  I am the last person to think with a double standard like that.  I think both Jaclyn and Ryan deserve their own lives without having to have first responsibility for his niece.  I could see being very involved but not living with her and raising her like a child.  He may have helped to raise her but she is still not his child.  A lot of people are raised by their grandparents and in that case no one expects an aunt or uncle to have first responsibility for them, especially when there is other family around that can share the responsibility.  I have seen this in my own family where relatives were raised by grandparents and uncles were big influences but didn't live with them.  I also don't think Jaclyn signed on for someone with this kind of issue where she feels like she is second fiddle to an existing family.  That's a lot to throw at someone who basically just met this guy 3 weeks ago.  That kind of responsibility is something she would have to grow into and would come out of a solid commitment to him, something which can't possibly grow in only 3 weeks time.  Also, I think she has the right not to have to "get" anything about a guy's family responsibilities that doesn't suit her without being looked down upon.  Besides, the niece is growing up and in a few years this won't be an issue. 

 

I think Ryan's commitment to the niece is admirable but it shouldn't involve him possibly making what perhaps would be too big a sacrifice in his own life for the niece, who probably wouldn't have such a bad life if he compromised anyway.  He seems to think he's the savior of that situation but I think they would be fine with him not living there and just involved from the outside.  It's not like the niece wouldn't have a good life if he lived apart from her.  It's not like she is not being cared for and that there aren't other people around.  Personally I think Ryan's sense of duty is over-pronounced, probably because he is not mature enough to integrate it with his own happiness.  He thinks he has to sacrifice his own relationship in order to do the honorable thing, but he doesn't.  I personally think that's one reason he is single at this point and on this show - Because he has sacrificed having a woman in his life because he is technically in his own mind sort-of married to his mother.  I can't shake the feeling that he is not recognizing his own unresolved attachment to his mother and this is why he goes on and on about missing his family.  Sure, it's the niece too, but I sense it's about his mother too.  He should be at the age where he can make that separation from his mother.  There is something just not right about the arrangement when a son lives with and raises a child with his mother and becomes so self sacrificial about it to the point of possibly letting a great gal like Jaclyn slip through his fingers.  To me that seems very dysfunctional and all Oedipal if you ask me.  I see an unhealthy attachment to his mother in him, which his other siblings probably don't also have because they have made a healthy separation from her when Ryan has not.  Sorry, that's just my graduate degree in Psychology talking.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[girlplease]

I can't tell if you're making fun of me or not... Saying this may cause you to make fun of me more....

There goes my "real world common sense"!

Not at all! I thought it was a great idea and a really sensible use of shared funds.

And not having any money left to fight over?

Priceless.

[anarchyangel84]

Not at all! I thought it was a great idea and a really sensible use of shared funds.

And not having any money left to fight over?

Priceless.

Ok- I didn't think but I really wasn't sure. Sometimes I don't know how to take some people on here. Sometimes people can be rude- but now I know you're not one of them. : )

[Snarklepuss]

As a black woman who works in the medical field and academia, I can assure you this so-called "ghetto mentality" is not restricted to community leaders in impoverished neighborhoods. I have witnessed some of the most auspicious and respected members of this profession display some of the same behaviors.

 

Like others who've posted, I don't prefer to use the phrase "ghetto" because it is inflammatory, and usually (inextricably) linked to race.

 

I agree with what you say in your first paragraph, but I see the term "ghetto" from another perspective being part Jewish and having studied the holocaust.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[Snarklepuss]

 

Personally I think Ryan's sense of duty is over-pronounced, probably because he is not mature enough to integrate it with his own happiness.  He thinks he has to sacrifice his own relationship in order to do the honorable thing, but he doesn't.  I personally think that's one reason he is single at this point and on this show - Because he has sacrificed having a woman in his life because he is technically in his own mind sort-of married to his mother. 

 

Quoting myself here because I wanted to add that I think one reason Ryan signed on for a matchmaking show is that he basically wanted someone else to do the work to find someone for him since he is so over-committed to the family on an emotional level that he probably hasn't put much effort into meeting someone.  And I wouldn't doubt that his mother has been encouraging him to find someone too.  I agree with those who said the mother and niece didn't look all THAT unhappy about his leaving and that he appears to need to feel needed in his own mind, perhaps more so than the family really does need him despite the way he makes it sound.

[Chief Queef]

The whole "ghetto mentality" conversation is making me uncomfortable on multiple levels. Hell of a lot of projection going on around here, but I'll leave it at that.

That said, these people have to be contractually obligated to stick this dismal "experiment" out for the whole running time, right? Right?! Or there's at least some kind of cash prize at the end? Because I can't think of another reason any sane, rational human being would sit around and allow a giant man-baby in a fucking purple velour tracksuit and Khloe Kardashian eyebrows to berate her and scream at her to read a book. I'm not even a fan of Jessica's bitter passive-aggressive act, but COME ON. Dude takes douche-lord to the level of performance art.

Meanwhile Davina and Sean are boring and drippy as ever with zero chemistry, and Ryan was apparently so excited and ready for marriage that he didn't even realize it might entail moving out of Mommy's basement? The "experts" really pulled a doozy for this season. I don't see any of these couples having what it takes at this point and think they'll end up having to bribe/coerce a few of them to stay married until the show wraps.

[heavenly]

Am I allowed to hate all 3 couples? Not the people, necessarily, but the matches? Because I do.

Me too.  Last night's episode was miserable.   I look forward to watching the show but even Ryan R. was a jerk whining about how he misses mommy.  How stupid is that.  He's got a car go for a ride! 

[heavenly]

 

 

 

Quoting myself here because I wanted to add that I think one reason Ryan signed on for a matchmaking show is that he basically wanted someone else to do the work to find someone for him since he is so over-committed to the family on an emotional level that he probably hasn't put much effort into meeting someone.  And I wouldn't doubt that his mother has been encouraging him to find someone too.  I agree with those who said the mother and niece didn't look all THAT unhappy about his leaving and that he appears to need to feel needed in his own mind, perhaps more so than the family really does need him despite the way he makes it sound.

 

Exactly.   Why can't he go for a ride in his car and go see them?  Ridiculous!!!

[heavenly]

For this to work. Jessica would need to change her communication style. Ryan D would need to change his entire personality. His comment about not being able to thing of ONE SINGLE nice thing to say to his wife was mean and hurtful, intentionally so. Why on earth would someone want to live with a spouse that is intentionally hurtful and cruel? That, right there, is the definition of abuse. Red flags wouldn't just be going up, they would be waving around with fireworks and sirens. These experts are worthless. This thing is a powder keg, and they need to step in before it turns violent. 

 

Why the experts are worthless Part 2...why on earth would they choose someone for an experiment who has such strong emotional obligations for his family (Ryan R) that they can't fully commit to a spouse? It is one thing to make the decision to cut the apron strings for a wife he has known for some time and has strong feelings for, but another to ask him to cut the ties for someone he doesn't know. I'm sympathetic, but I don't know is his attachment, while commendable, is entirely healthy.  And where are Ryan's other sibs? Can't they pick up some of the slack with mom and niece?  

 

This show used to be delicious, but now it is just sad. 

What drives me crazy is next week they all will be all nice-nice to each other after how crummy they were last night.  I can't stand all this up and down and back and forth bipolar CRAP.   Look who the "experts" are: a sexologist, sociologist and a psychologist.  Where is the psychiatrist?  They sure need one for the experts who suck at what they do!

[heavenly]

Sometimes I think Jessica deliberately says shit to piss Ryan off when she knows the cameras are rolling.  You ain't fooling me girl.

 

I watched their last fight last night and heard something interesting from Jessica.  She said to Ryan, "You think because you drive a Benz and you live in Staten Island that you're better than me?"

 

Whoa.  That was very telling.  Perhaps that's the problem with Jessica and Ryan D.  Jessica thinks that Ryan think's he's too good for her.  Jessica feels she's a girl from the Bronx, where Ryan is from Staten Island.  The Bronx is the poorest borough in NYC.  

 

I wonder if there are some class issues between Jessica and Ryan, which are making their connection more difficult.  

Yeah.  For sure.  Stupid "experts."  Ryan didn't like her from the start.

[heavenly]

I think Jessica is from Bushwick, Brooklyn. Jenny from the block (J.Lo) is from the Bronx :)

I saw on the internet she's from Brooklyn.

[operalover]

The whole "ghetto mentality" conversation is making me uncomfortable on multiple levels. Hell of a lot of projection going on around here, but I'll leave it at that.

That said, these people have to be contractually obligated to stick this dismal "experiment" out for the whole running time, right? Right?! Or there's at least some kind of cash prize at the end? Because I can't think of another reason any sane, rational human being would sit around and allow a giant man-baby in a fucking purple velour tracksuit and Khloe Kardashian eyebrows to berate her and scream at her to read a book. I'm not even a fan of Jessica's bitter passive-aggressive act, but COME ON. Dude takes douche-lord to the level of performance art.

Meanwhile Davina and Sean are boring and drippy as ever with zero chemistry, and Ryan was apparently so excited and ready for marriage that he didn't even realize it might entail moving out of Mommy's basement? The "experts" really pulled a doozy for this season. I don't see any of these couples having what it takes at this point and think they'll end up having to bribe/coerce a few of them to stay married until the show wraps.

Im replying to your first paragraph about a poster diagnosing Jessica as having ghetto mentality and being uncomfortable- same here!.  Not only is massive projection going on, the amount of armchair psychoanalysis going on around here is getting laughable. It's a reality show-we don't know these people beyond a heavily edited version shown us for 15 minutes each week. Analyzing with sweeping generalizations whole areas like Staten Island and the Bronx and ethnic groups etc is bordering on racism. You may have had certain percieved experiences in your life but this does not make it a fact that this is the truth for Jessica and Ryan. The socioeconomic analysis and the deep psychoanalysis is work for Dr joe and Doctor (sic) Pepper. 

[Wings]

Didn't they have a few people in NYC during the matchmaking special though? It's hard for me to believe that there were only 20 fameseekers in and around NYC.

 

 

I didn't see that special.  My post was not meant to be taken literally.  My point is the pool of candidates was very small.   

[heavenly]

ook pages

I heard Ryan D say to Jessica he would never even have picked her in real life. When they were fighting - he motioned his hands and said something like I didn't want this not one bit of it. Or something and shortly there after she started crying. I've said since Episode 1 he wasn't attracted to her and I think it's coming to light now.

Wow.  I missed this.  I couldn't watch most of the episode because of their fighting.  It seemed to me Ryan D. did not like her the moment he laid eyes on her.   His face was red; he kept looking down; when he did look at her it was a weird look, certainly not one of being pleased with the "experts" choice for him.  I feel they are the most mismatched couple on the show.   I think it's too bad Ryan is getting slammed because Jessica is a bad match for any guy.  She's got too many hang ups.  She needs help IMO.

[heavenly]

I think Neurochick and I feel like we've met the likes of Jessica before and can figure out what she's likely saying to Ryan behind the scenes, LOL.

 

 

Consider yourself lucky that you've never had someone push you that far that you go off like that.  I have and it's awful.  You don't even know yourself anymore and you'll do and say things you later regret.  It's my belief that everyone has their limit and everyone's buttons are different.  One day someone might come along that finds the right button that sets you off that way.  I hope not because like I say, it's awful.  Thank goodness I'm not around that person anymore.  I think Jessica and Ryan might be toxic for each other.

 

If Jessica was in an interracial relationship before I find it hard to believe it was a healthy one given what we've known about her history.  So this may be a pattern for her to feel inferior on class and racial issues together and perhaps stirring up the shit and then calling the guy abusive.  You know, it's a rare man that would not snap back at the stuff she's been hurling at Ryan.  OK, some of what he's saying is hurtful but he's just a little immature.  I think he suffers from a bad image that's not necessarily deserved to that degree.  I think he deserves some of it but not all of it.

I love what you've written here.  I think Ryan just doesn't want to talk anymore.  Who could blame him?  I think he's been pushed too far.

[Wings]

If RyanD could talk to his grandmother now, I believe he would learn that she lived in an unhappy marriage and just put up with her husband berating her constantly because she felt she had no choice.  Back then divorce was a less likely option, especially for women.  

[Snarklepuss]

Im replying to your first paragraph about a poster diagnosing Jessica as having ghetto mentality and being uncomfortable- same here!.  Not only is massive projection going on, the amount of armchair psychoanalysis going on around here is getting laughable. It's a reality show-we don't know these people beyond a heavily edited version shown us for 15 minutes each week. Analyzing with sweeping generalizations whole areas like Staten Island and the Bronx and ethnic groups etc is bordering on racism. You may have had certain percieved experiences in your life but this does not make it a fact that this is the truth for Jessica and Ryan. The socioeconomic analysis and the deep psychoanalysis is work for Dr joe and Doctor (sic) Pepper. 

 

At least the armchair psychoanalysis and other opinions expressed here were about the show, not the people posting about the show.  There is a saying on this board that goes "Snark the show, not each other".

[Snarklepuss]

If RyanD could talk to his grandmother now, I believe he would learn that she lived in an unhappy marriage and just put up with her husband berating her constantly because she felt she had no choice.  Back then divorce was a less likely option, especially for women.  

 

I've heard this a lot but I don't necessarily agree with it.  Ryan's grandparents are probably from my parents' generation and lived through most of the 20th century if not into the 21st (my father is almost 88 and still alive and kicking - mom would be 91).  My parents got married in 1954 and from what I remember the divorce rate started to climb in the latter half of the 20th century, especially after 1970.  I know my mother and the mothers of friends of mine did not seem to feel they had no choice, and several were divorced.  Ryan has said his grandparents were "best friends".  I have no reason to doubt what he's saying.  YMMV.

 

ETA:  I think his grandmother might still be alive or was alive until recently - I saw a photo of him somewhere online posing with an older woman that looked like it could have been her and the photo looked pretty recent.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[Bella]

And when someone steps in with a mod-like note, it's time for a mod note.

Snark the show, not each other.

If you feel your blood pressure going up, remember that this is all virtual and not related to your real life.

If an individual poster bugs you consistently, use the ignore feature.

And let's not use "ghetto mentality" any more. In most cases, "inferiority complex" is a nice substitute.

The mods for this forum will be deleting words, phrases, or entire posts as needed.

Now that I've jumped ugly on you, I want to thank all of you for keeping a potentially heated discussion at a civilized and polite level 98% of the time. You're a good group!

[Wings]

I've heard this a lot but I don't necessarily agree with it.  Ryan's grandparents are probably from my parents' generation and lived through most of the 20th century if not into the 21st (my father is almost 88 and still alive and kicking - mom would be 91).  My parents got married in 1954 and from what I remember the divorce rate started to climb in the latter half of the 20th century, especially after 1970.  I know my mother and the mothers of friends of mine did not seem to feel they had no choice, and several were divorced.  Ryan has said his grandparents were "best friends".  I have no reason to doubt what he's saying.  YMMV.

 

ETA:  I think his grandmother might still be alive or was alive until recently - I saw a photo of him somewhere online posing with an older woman that looked like it could have been her and the photo looked pretty recent.

 

 

I get the feeling that his grandparents might have come from Italy and not born here. That would make a big difference. Sure divorce was done in that generation, did not mean to imply everyone felt stuck. Many did, though.   I have skimmed this thread but not read every post, it exhausts me!  LOL.  So sorry if I have been redundant in my post.  I know it is proper etiquette not to post until you have read everything.  

[Snarklepuss]

I get the feeling that his grandparents might have come from Italy and not born here. That would make a big difference. Sure divorce was done in that generation, did not mean to imply everyone felt stuck. Many did, though.   I have skimmed this thread but not read every post, it exhausts me!  LOL.  So sorry if I have been redundant in my post.  I know it is proper etiquette not to post until you have read everything.  

 

Actually these are his biological grandparents so they would likely be Jewish, not Italian (he is almost a ringer for his grandfather from the photo he posted of them online).  It's his stepfather that's Italian.  I think a lot of women in that generation had different expectations of marriage so they might not have felt stuck.  They had a choice but they decided to stay for better or worse even in less than ideal relationships.  But again, to me that doesn't necessarily translate into feeling they had "no choice".  Take Edith Bunker for example (OK it's a fictional character but it does seem to fit).  Abusive husband?  Yes.  But she would likely deny that she felt stuck or without a choice and would profess to be very much in love with her husband.  We would likely see that relationship as dysfunctional and Edith as being abused, but she would not see it that way at all.  A very different mentality than we have today!

[Minney]

Watching this episode I continue to have the feeling that the experts identified 6 individuals to be on the season and then worked out which woman would be matched to which man.  Wonder if the geographic issues this season have to do with them originally planning on different matches.  I not that familiar with the locations they are all from but would Ryan D have been better with Davina?  Ryan R with Jessica?  Sean with Jaclyn?  Feels more like they used the dart board approach to matching.  These people are not even likeable.  At least last season I could root for them through the issues because they were mostly likeable.