S02.E07: Happy New Year

[moonxyz]

Jessica isn't the only one with communication issues. Ryan says he likes that Jess's friend is outgoing and wishes his wife had the same quality. Insert foot it mouth. You never compare your SO to another woman, that's jerk move. Maybe I'm sensitive but I think it's foul.

 

So far, why hasn't he sat her down and said "Speak in the moment or forget it. That's how I'm more comfortable communicating; I don't want you to hold things from me". Or "Hey, Jess, can we cook together, or what's your favorite meal to cook? Can you make it for me"

 

Both of them expect their SO to read their minds and act accordingly. Sean and Davina are exhausting but Jess and Ryan should be having those conversations to connect on a deeper level to figure out what the other likes and dislikes.

[operalover]

Ryan cannot take criticism, that's for sure. That is his whole problem. In his head he can do no wrong. If she speaks up he will not accept any criticisms at all. She has issues for sure, I agree. A guy like that has excuses for all of his shitty behavior and if someone calls him on it, he blows up. 

She should have dinner ready when he gets home, she is a wet dishrag. I hate people like that- what do you want to do? I dont know, what do you want to do? So finally you pick it and they seethe. Well they had the chance to make the decision.

 

I read above that how can the experts expect to make matches if people misrepresent what they really want on their application.If one or two questions are off they still interview these people for HOURS and there were 50 pages of questions? A few wrong answers should NOT sabotage the whole "process"! They claim they really get to know these people before making the match. That is what is BS- it would be very clear talking to Jess and Ryan for a half an hour that they are totally wrong for each other! These experts are complete quacks!

 

I think Jaclyn is sincere right now in her feelings, but it seems like that fantasy early stage happiness thing, where you just had sex and she is really into him. Once all that fades I'm not sure how it will work but at least those 2 are compromising.

[The Evil One]

 

Sean and Davina come across as aliens who took over human bodies and read a manual on how human are supposed to interact with each other. I hate the way both of them act, it's so forced on both their parts.

 

This is an absolutely perfect description of those two!

[Neurochick]

Do they live in her apartment?  I thought they all had to relocate to neutral ground.   Where in NYC is not subway accessible?  She said she lived on the upper east side.  

 

She was probably referring to 2nd Avenue, where they've been building a subway for eons.  

[mamey2422]

Did Jessica ever explain why she wasn't cooking even though that was her preference? I watched carefully and don't remember her explaining her reasoning? 

[SaucyMommy]

Jessica makes no sense to me. She was adamant to cook when they discussed it prior to moving and doesn't cook. 

[Neurochick]

I said this on the Ryan and Jessica thread but I think both of them have too much baggage to start a relationship.  Jessica has to throw away her suitcases from her last relationships, stop thinking, "don't do to me what the last guy did."  Ryan has to realize that his grandparents married at a time where women had to take a lot of shit, because getting married was a way for women to be financially secure.  

 

I remember watching the PBS reality show, "An American Family" that was made in 1971.  In that show Pat Loud asks her husband for the credit card; back then most women didn't have credit cards in their names.  In fact even in the 80's, Sears gave me grief about me getting a credit card in my name.  My point is, that's what the world was like when Ryan's grandparents married, they weren't partners in the same sense that couples today are partners.  

[Snarklepuss]

She was probably referring to 2nd Avenue, where they've been building a subway for eons.  

 

Yes, literally eons.  I remember hearing about it from the time I was a little kid back in the early '60s!  I think it was shelved for a long time due to budget issues.  I suppose it's only been resurrected recently because the rich on the Upper East Side now want to be connected by subway to the rest of the island whereas before they were content to be more isolated and have their chauffeurs drive them everywhere.  There's always a bus to the subway, although that is probably no picnic.

 

I said this on the Ryan and Jessica thread but I think both of them have too much baggage to start a relationship.  Jessica has to throw away her suitcases from her last relationships, stop thinking, "don't do to me what the last guy did."  Ryan has to realize that his grandparents married at a time where women had to take a lot of shit, because getting married was a way for women to be financially secure.  

 

I remember watching the PBS reality show, "An American Family" that was made in 1971.  In that show Pat Loud asks her husband for the credit card; back then most women didn't have credit cards in their names.  In fact even in the 80's, Sears gave me grief about me getting a credit card in my name.  My point is, that's what the world was like when Ryan's grandparents married, they weren't partners in the same sense that couples today are partners.  

 

LOL, I watched that series - It was arguably the first reality show ever on TV in the sense that we think of them today.  OK, maybe technically "candid camera" might be first.  I also had a similar experience with credit cards too - esp. with Sears!  Then again I don't know if I believe that Ryan's grandmother really put up with all that much in her relationship, but you're right that she very well could have.  I kind of wonder how old his grandparents would have been - If they were from my mother's generation there's some chance of some equality in the relationship due to having lived through the "women's lib" period in the '60s and '70s.  My mother was very much on board with that (she worked full time when most of my friends' moms did not), but a lot of people her age were not.  But getting back to the grandparents, even though Ryan is a jerk I do think he's responding to something good about their relationship, he just isn't mature enough to understand where they were coming from so when he tries to imitate it, it's a gross caricature that does them no justice.

Edited April 30, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[Neurochick]

Yes, literally eons.  I remember hearing about it from the time I was a little kid back in the early '60s!  I think it was shelved for a long time due to budget issues.  I suppose it's only been resurrected recently because the rich on the Upper East Side now want to be connected by subway to the rest of the island whereas before they were content to be more isolated and have their chauffeurs drive them everywhere.  There's always a bus to the subway, although that is probably no picnic.

 

 

Davina is thinking with her head.  She knows that once the subway is finished, the apartment will be worth a lot more.  Sell the place and then move, that's what she wants to do.

 

Actually the reason I think the subway is on again is because the upper east side is a lot more congested than it was years ago.  East of Park Avenue has always been working class people.  Now with condos springing up like crazy, the area needs a subway because the 6 train just isn't doing it.  

[trimthatfat]

Jessica makes no sense to me. She was adamant to cook when they discussed it prior to moving and doesn't cook. 

I don't get it either. I think she opts not to cook Ryan as a way to punish him and I think that's ridiculous. I just hate when people play passive aggressive games.

[operalover]

she was mortified that he spent so much money on take out and eating out. she said she would shop and cook but has made no attempt- its so weird maybe  she is afraid he will hate what she buys and what she cooks. And yes, we just don't know about the situation with the grandparents marriage. Women didn't leave their husbands- they could have appeared happy but I am sure it was far from perfect as Ryan imagines it was! I am sure they had a deep love for one another but the whole thing was not roses. This couple is so wrong for each other, experts my ass! 

[SaucyMommy]

Ok so Jessica needs therapy to cure her massively low self esteem and Ryan D needs a smack in the face for how he treats women. They never should have been matched.

[JaneVM]

In Australia they could not be legally married as you need to lodge an intention to marry at least 30 days prior to the ceremony, it does make a mockery of the premise of the show that they can not just walk away when times get tough as they are married so will be more committed to making the relationship work

 

Jamie has said in the media that at the end of the 6 weeks they were not in love and they still did not know if it would work but Doug convinced her to give it a shot, she said it was not until around the 6 month mark of the relationship that she felt committed, now I could be cynical but it was around the time they announced they would be filming them for First Year. It was a pretty telling that the first time she told him she loved him was on the 6 month follow up, I thought it was a bit off that she saves the 'big' moments for filming. Like the vow renewal it looked like Doug proposed so they organised the second wedding, but in the media she said they had already planned the renewal, but she was surprised by the proposal.

 

Ok, that make sense with the differences in laws but I still think that there is much more incentive to stay married after the 6 week mark than to get divorced if the couples care about fame and money.  If the marriage is legit what does it matter to hang on a little longer?

[becauseIsaidso]

My point is, that's what the world was like when Ryan's grandparents married, they weren't partners in the same sense that couples today are partners.

 

Exactamundo!!!!!

 

Which is why Ryan Douche angers me so much....for a guy who would have us believe he is smart and successful, he sure shows a bigtime case of the stupids when he just assumes that marriages today are the same as when his grandparents were working on theirs. Now, if they could BOTH only get a clue!

[Neurochick]

Exactamundo!!!!!

 

Which is why Ryan Douche angers me so much....for a guy who would have us believe he is smart and successful, he sure shows a bigtime case of the stupids when he just assumes that marriages today are the same as when his grandparents were working on theirs. Now, if they could BOTH only get a clue!

 

It doesn't anger me because Ryan's grandparents were his role models.  I mean where do you learn how to "do relationships?  From what you see every day.  You either learn this is the way it should be, or this is the way it shouldn't be.  Ryan seems to have learned the former.  Sad.

[HAPPYHARRISON]

Exactamundo!!!!!

 

Which is why Ryan Douche angers me so much....for a guy who would have us believe he is smart and successful, he sure shows a bigtime case of the stupids when he just assumes that marriages today are the same as when his grandparents were working on theirs. Now, if they could BOTH only get a clue!

 

Yes!  And to add to your point I doubt that his dear old granddad was belittling his future wife within the first week of meeting her.  I am sure Grandma knew that Grandpa loved her and would take care of her forever and his demands were probably something she put up with because she felt secure and/or had no other options.

[cerealboxkilla]

I question the editing of these episodes. Each one leaves me with a different impression of each person. Fortunately, my first impression of Sean hasn't changed. He's definitely "psychotically charming" (as someone already said) and disingenuous as hell. Davina is needy and has issues, but no one deserves a dud like him.

 

I'm actually starting to feel sorry for Ryan Douchebag, and I'm starting to think he's getting an unfair edit. The worst things he's done so far have happened off camera and were narrated by Jessica (unreliable). All his other douchebaggy behavior seems to be just immaturity and his inability to read Jessica, although to be honest, NO ONE can read Jessica. He wants a fun chick who's tough who he can banter with, and when he tries to do it with Jessica he's rewarded with judgmental silence, crying, and an unfair accusation made behind his back to the camera crew when he's not there. Jessica is coming across extremely unlikeable these past episodes, but I'm also giving her the benefit of the doubt, too. She flat-out just doesn't like Ryan, and when you're stuck in an apartment all day with someone you hate, sometimes you act like a passive aggressive piece of shit. She's only human. The surprising thing is that it looks like Ryan is still trying to make it work and doesn't realize how much Jessica despises him.

Edited May 1, 2015 by cerealboxkilla

[moonxyz]

I question the editing of these episodes. Each one leaves me with a different impression of each person. Fortunately, my first impression of Sean hasn't changed. He's definitely "psychotically charming" (as someone already said) and disingenuous as hell. Davina is needy and has issues, but no one deserves a dud like him.

 

I'm actually starting to feel sorry for Ryan Douchebag, and I'm starting to think he's getting an unfair edit. The worst things he's done so far have happened off camera and were narrated by Jessica (unreliable). All his other douchebaggy behavior seems to be just immaturity and his inability to read Jessica, although to be honest, NO ONE can read Jessica. He wants a fun chick who's tough who he can banter with, and when he tries to do it with Jessica he's rewarded with judgmental silence, crying, and an unfair accusation made behind his back to the camera crew when he's not there. Jessica is coming across extremely unlikeable these past episodes, but I'm also giving her the benefit of the doubt, too. She flat-out just doesn't like Ryan, and when you're stuck in an apartment all day with someone you hate, sometimes you act like a passive aggressive piece of shit. She's only human. The surprising thing is that it looks like Ryan is still trying to make it work and doesn't realize how much Jessica despises him.

 

Bingo. This resentment started after the trashy incident. At this point, she is doing passive aggressive shit just to piss him off and make and look bad, knowing he will explode.

 

Ryan makes it easy for her to play this game as he is a asshole of the first order (the nonsense about ironing, the abuse grandma took from grandpa being his relationship role model etc.) And I don't blame Jess for not engaging in banter with him: Ryan has no boundaries and easily crosses the line from fun to downright disrespectful and insulting.

 

I also agree that there is an agenda with the editing. Clearly favoring Ryan/.Jaclyn and highlighting the drama between Ryan/Jess. I rewatched the episode and the fight happened before the NYE celebration, where they seemed to have made up. Jess was wearing the same jeans and top  at the beginning and the end of the episode.

 

The editing trick makes me think we are being set up with Ryan and Jess for a 180 turnaround. Like everything will be so much better after couple’s counseling.

 

Also, I totally missed the new year day scene the first time around. I can’t believe I’m saying this but they actually spoke like a normal couple.  Not much, but still better than anything going on between Sean and Davina.

Edited May 1, 2015 by moonxyz

[Snarklepuss]

Yes!  And to add to your point I doubt that his dear old granddad was belittling his future wife within the first week of meeting her.  I am sure Grandma knew that Grandpa loved her and would take care of her forever and his demands were probably something she put up with because she felt secure and/or had no other options.

 

I still want to give grandpa the benefit of the doubt.  I still think that Ryan is such a knee-jerk knucklehead that his idea of what his grandfather was like involves belittling when grandpa might have been nothing like that.  A shallow, immature mind misinterprets what it doesn't  understand and imitates it unsuccessfully.  Grandpa may have just been a cranky complainer but not in a way that involves put downs.

 

I also don't really like seeing grandma as an oppressed woman who is somehow typical of an older generation.  Most of the women I knew from that generation were not oppressed and putting up with anything because they had no other options.  Women back then were not all that different from today in certain ways.  They may have been less likely to divorce but I have known a lot of them that seem to have been very well matched.  Sometimes they were in dysfunctional matches, but ones that despite appearances were very happy for them.  I really did not know any women growing up that were with abusers or someone they just put up with for a paycheck.  And I don't want to forget either that what looks like abuse to one person is not at all to another.  If they don't take it that way and they are perfectly content to hear what some people would consider insults without taking them as such at all, who is to say that they are being abused or belittled?  This is hard to explain unless you've experienced it.

 

My parents had a very solid 50 years of marriage by the time my mother died.  If you heard them going back and forth you might say my mother didn't respect my father at all because her little pet names for him were often derogatory.  If one didn't understand my mother's ironic sense of humor and her sense of the absurd, they would think my father was being verbally abused.  But he did not ever once take it that way and we all laughed all the time when he would say, "Sorry my dear, I didn't get a chance to take out the garbage" and she would shoot back with "Oh, Russell, you're just being a toad".  Of course, it was all in her smile and her demeanor that gave her away as being humorous, not an abuser.  In fact, I can imagine that Ryan's grandparents might have been a lot like my parents in some ways.  My parents had a very special relationship and yes, I daresay I idolized it myself for a long time.  I never once thought I wanted to imitate it, though.  I was always all about being myself.  I had/have great parents whose shadow I always felt I walked in.  It was futile to ever try to be them.  I am enough like them anyway without putting on any acts.

Edited May 1, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[DangerousMinds]

Did Jessica ever explain why she wasn't cooking even though that was her preference? I watched carefully and don't remember her explaining her reasoning?

Presumably, they both work all day so why is she the one expected to cook/plan for dinner?

[Passthepopcorn]

I said this on the Ryan and Jessica thread but I think both of them have too much baggage to start a relationship.  Jessica has to throw away her suitcases from her last relationships, stop thinking, "don't do to me what the last guy did."  Ryan has to realize that his grandparents married at a time where women had to take a lot of shit, because getting married was a way for women to be financially secure.  

 

I remember watching the PBS reality show, "An American Family" that was made in 1971.  In that show Pat Loud asks her husband for the credit card; back then most women didn't have credit cards in their names.  In fact even in the 80's, Sears gave me grief about me getting a credit card in my name.  My point is, that's what the world was like when Ryan's grandparents married, they weren't partners in the same sense that couples today are partners.  

Agree, and let's not forget that apart from being from another generation, they were from Russia, a different culture, also.

And I get that what he wants is a relationship so safe and solid that certain things can be said and no one will get hurt, because they know each other through and through, know how to handle things and most importantly are best friends and love each other's company. Which is not happening. In fact it can't happen in just 3 weeks.

[Passthepopcorn]

Ok, so I can see how Jessica and Ryan D "could be" balancing each other ( Note I said balancing, not completing), but it is just not happening.

He is an alpha guy, all action and decision, she likes to follow, be mellow and be protected. If they got along and really liked each other, she would help tone down his crazy escalations and he would help her wake up and stand up for herself.

I think the major problem is they don't get each other, some things just happen or don't happen between two people. There's a click, chemistry or there isn't. It is that part that you can't control in a relationship. They don't click.

At this point she is curled up in a corner, afraid and miserable. He is confused and very annoyed.

I can see good qualities in both of them (and flaws of course) but they are just hurting each other right now.

[Passthepopcorn]

The money fight between J and RD. By no means I think he "stole it". He told her she could have all of it I she wanted before they moved.

She gets hurt because she wanted the money to be used for something especial for the couple. This is when he should have said something like "I'll put it back tomorrow, don't worry. We'll think of something". Instead he feels threatened(?), she accuses him, he blows up.

They don't know how to handle each other, which is a learning process that is much easier if you like each other or are in love. They didn't have the courtship step to figure that out, to grow to like each other or realize they don't like each other. Now what?

Random thought: Jaclyn's cat is gorgeous!!

Edited May 1, 2015 by Passthepopcorn

[Passthepopcorn]

In this episode, I have to say, that Davina made a lot of sense. I don't think living in two different cities is a good start for newlyweds, you are not dating, you are not a bachelor anymore. I didn't know she had considered moving to NJ later on, either...  Now, his commute and long days won't work either. I'm not seeing too much light at the end of this tunnel.

All the making out New Years Day seemed to be booze induced, nothing else.

Edited May 1, 2015 by Passthepopcorn

[mamey2422]

Presumably, they both work all day so why is she the one expected to cook/plan for dinner?

I didn't mean to imply that Jessica SHOULD be cooking. It was just a point of emphasis in their talk about money/budget that it stood out to me that she wasn't cooking with no explanation. In another thread someone pointed out that her not cooking was her way of passive aggressive punishing Ryan because she's unhappy with him. I also think she's terrified of doing anything that Ryan could judge her for, including a meal.

[Snarklepuss]

The money fight between J and RD. By no means I think he "stole it". He told her she could have all of it I she wanted before they moved.

She gets hurt because she wanted the money to be used for something especial for the couple. This is when he should have said something like "I'll put it back tomorrow, don't worry. We'll think of something". Instead he feels threatened(?), she accuses him, he blows up.

 

To further the point made by Butterbean1 in the Social Media thread, we don't know if he actually did say something like that earlier off camera, which she might have conveniently dismissed and then resurrected the accusation again when it suited her to have something to use on camera to make him look bad.  There have been a few situations with Jessica where people have noticed that she is making accusations like that.  Like on the honeymoon where it looked like she resurrected the tattoo/piercing argument which had happened off camera that he probably thought was put to rest.  He may have already smoothed that one over and apologized, and there she went opening it up on camera like nothing ever happened.  People have speculated that she does this to get his goat because she knows he doesn't like that private stuff aired on camera.  So by the time we see it, he's fed up with her and storms out.  We didn't see the 30 minutes before that where he explained himself and tried to make right with her.

Edited May 2, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[Jack Sampson]

I might have to backpedal a little here and say that, judging by Davina's outfit at around 33-34 minutes in, I might tolerate a lot more of her BS than I otherwise would. Now I can see why doctors buy from her.

Even so, unless I missed it, despite all over her "ramp it up" talk, still no sex.

[girlplease]

If Ryan didn't want private things aired on camera, maybe he shouldn't have signed up to marry a stranger on TV.

[Jack Sampson]

Because of her "boobies!" dress?

Not the one she wore out, the one she wore in the confession cam footage shown right after Sean helps her out of the car.

[Snarklepuss]

If Ryan didn't want private things aired on camera, maybe he shouldn't have signed up to marry a stranger on TV.

 

Or maybe he shouldn't have expected that the "experts" wouldn't match him with a bitch who would go out of her way to resurrect previous off-camera arguments on camera just to get his goat.

[TeapotWakeen]

Snarklepuss, I love you!! Thank you for "getting it" !!!

 

If they don't take it that way and they are perfectly content to hear what some people would consider insults without taking them as such at all, who is to say that they are being abused or belittled?  This is hard to explain unless you've experienced it.

 

Casual friends will sometimes call my husband "verbally abusive" because he'll call me a "dumbass."  I just laugh. I mean, he also calls out other "dumbasses":  the cat, the cabinet, a book, the TV, himself, Wakeen Junior 1 & 2, the printer, a plate, his shoes, the dog, dandilions...

 

Oh? and Sean? One friend told me that my husband was a bully. Thing of it is, I'm an adult now. I've moved on from the bullying I experienced as a kid (try it, Sean, it's freeing!). As an adult, I'm able to just laugh at bullies and call them "dumbass" or "blowhard."

[Passthepopcorn]

To further the point made by Butterbean1 in the Social Media thread, we don't know if he actually did say something like that earlier off camera, which she might have conveniently dismissed and then resurrected the accusation again when it suited her to have something to use on camera to make him look bad.  There have been a few situations with Jessica where people have noticed that she is making accusations like that.  Like on the honeymoon where it looked like she resurrected the tattoo/piercing argument which had happened off camera that he probably thought was put to rest.  He may have already smoothed that one over and apologized, and there she went opening it up on camera like nothing ever happened.  People have speculated that she does this to get his goat because she knows he doesn't like that private stuff aired on camera.  So by the time we see it, he's fed up with her and storms out.  We didn't see the 30 minutes before that where he explained himself and tried to make right with her.

 

I don't blame him from getting frustrated that she feels much more comfortable bringing the issues to the camera instead of solving them and putting them to rest with him.

[Waterlilly]

It is frustrating on both their parts, they are going to have to like each other and learn each other to make this work. Mostly they need to want it. Ryan D needs to learn the power of patience and suggest a dinner that he would like, I think Jessica would like to cook him a meal but is afraid of failing. They are not comfortable together on camera, yet they seem to be comfortable and familiar with each other on SM. I don't know if they will be together at the end of this "experiment" married or not, but I do think they are still in each other's lives.

[biakbiak]

I don't think Ryan is some great communicator looking to work on their relationship off camera.

[aradia22]

So Ryan wants Jessica to make decisions and she doesn't want to cause trouble so she refuses to say anything and then quietly stews in her resentment. Oh, this was a good match.

 

Stepping away from this show for a while and coming back I realize how many talking heads there are. Are their lives this boring that they have to constantly interrupt with interview segments?

 

I think Sean's a bit weird about living in Manhattan but otherwise I'm on his side. We don't really have a sense of what Davina's work is like but it seems more important for him to be on his game at the hospital... plus adding a long commute to his hours seems like an unnecessary burden. Also, I just really don't like Davina. He's the one not taking this seriously? You're the one who was unwilling to relocate who had all these apartments set up in advance. And instead of being at all sympathetic, you're acting like him saying he was willing to relocate and now adjusting poorly is the same as him suddenly revealing that he lied about having been incarcerated.

 

The "you're giving up on me" song as a music cue made me laugh so hard. That's what I come to this show for.

 

I get working hard for a relationship that's worth something. But these people don't like each other very much and there's not a kingdom or even the fate of a herd of cows resting on their successful union. It's painful to watch Sean and Davina try to make it work. Also, because they talk too much.

 

Re: Sean's conversation with Cilona. The part of himself that's being hard on himself and not compassionate is named Davina. I do like knowing they can reach out to the experts even if they are mostly useless.

 

You don't like to dwell on the past, Davina? Have you met yourself?

 

"Are you gonna cry?" Very juvenile, Ryan.

 

This is small but it kills me to watch Davina blowing on her makeup brushes. 

 

It's weird to me when people place a lot of importance on New Year's. It's like caring about spending Flag Day with someone. Really?

 

Is it just me or do the participants spend a lot of time during the show naming valid reasons why this experiment is not going to work? 

 

That was sweet what Ryan did with the candles. Everything doesn't have to be a grand gesture.

At this point they're still pretty much strangers so it's crazy to talk about kids. However, if we're going along with the fantasy that this is a real marriage, Jacqueline has a point. It gets harder and more problematic to have kids as you get older.

 

I continue to find Ryan and Jessica difficult to understand. Why won't she cook if she enjoys it? Why does he get so angry?

[Marlene]

I have not yet read all posts so maybe someone else thought the same but between when Sean left the apartment and him waking up next to Davina. eek) I feel he had a fit. stormed off said he would not go on any further, the producers had to step in. That was why we did not get to see him getting back to her. It felt so rehearsed again.

 

Oh and another question I have. I find it so weird that they constantly say when we fall in love. Jamie did that too. Saying maybe she would fall in love but in the mean time we watched her kissing him, constantly touching him. Now it was Ryan or was it Jaclyn saying.

 

Perhaps this is a language thing? To me they look like they fell in love.

Edited June 3, 2015 by Marlene