S01.E02: CMND:/Crash

[TV Anonymous]

Just two episodes, and the show already shows the stupids, among others:

 

1. While trying to stop a runaway train, only two persons running into the station? Not to mention that they have to rush all the way from the airport. Apparently Boston PD, Mass. State Police and FBI Boston Office do not exist in this universe.

 

2. Since when do trains emergency brakes electronically controllable? They were completely mechanical and in a standalone system. One of the reasons is a situation like this.

 

3. Agent Ryan is able to detect minute facial expression on one person among dozens of commuters? What is she? A paranormal or something? Was that not cancelled already?

 

4. And if they need to stop a runaway train, why does the city not just cut the power off the train line?

Edited March 12, 2015 by TV Anonymous

[ottoDbusdriver]

@TV Anonymous -- you beat me to creating this show thread by a minute.  I think we need an moderator to clean up the duplication.

 

Having said that ... that was not any better that the first episode, in fact I think it was worse.

 

So, is there going to be a child in danger for Mundo to save every episode ?

 

Man .. I was getting dizzy from all those circling shots at the start.

 

Elijah Mundo's marriage is .. dundo.

 

Raven is not only a hacker, but also a DNA lab tech.  WTF ?

[Kromm]

Mommy, Daddy... make it stop!

[Zahdii]

I was annoyed that the DNA found on the computer part belonged to an FBI informant, and the FBI didn't want to hand over his name.  At first, anyway.  Good thing his micro-expressions cleared him of knowingly doing anything wrong.

 

Now about this online forum for people who like disasters and gore.  I'll assume there are such things, but I have to wonder, if a guy engineers an amusement park accident, killing three, just to get into their disgusting little club, what are the people already in the club like?  What have they done to earn the coveted invitation?  Cut the break lines on a bus full of nuns?  Left a fuel truck on train tracks in front of a full passenger train?  Whatever it was, they must not have used any electronic or computer equipment or I'm sure Patricia Arquette's character (can't be bothered to learn her name) would have been all over it before now.

 

I watched, but missed some of it because that stupid Charter commercial with the dancing call center reps came on, I muted, and forgot to go back later.  Maybe the show would have made more sense if I'd actually watched it, instead of having it run in the background.  Anyway, there was nothing else on that I wanted to watch, and probably will a time or two more before I give up, as pointing out plot holes can be fun. 

 

Looks like next week's show is a recycled plot from an old episode of CSI:NY.

[LisaM]

I thought this was better than the first episode but it was still awful. I didn't see Boyhood but I don't get all the hype over Patricia Arquette. I get nothing from her character here at all. Avery is very bland, no facial expressions, nothing.

 

I agree with the comments upthread about the stupid parts of the train plot -- and cracked up at only the two Cyber FBI folks running into the station to save the day.

 

At this rate, Nick Stokes is going to come back from San Diego pretty quickly.

[shapeshifter]

I was annoyed that the DNA found on the computer part belonged to an FBI informant, and the FBI didn't want to hand over his name.  At first, anyway.  Good thing his micro-expressions cleared him of knowingly doing anything wrong.

 

Now about this online forum for people who like disasters and gore....

Can't they at least be consistent about the stupid factor and have the CI thrown into jail because that's what they do? To be fair, I'm not explaining this very well either, so how can I expect paid script writers to do it? </sarcasm>

But not one line about them having enough evidence now to bust the gore porn producers in the forum?

 

Yes. I am embarrassed to admit I watched it because nothing else was on.

[briochetwist]

Obviously I'm a glutton for punishment, because I decided to give this crap show another try.  I've not seen Boyhood yet, but I can't comprehend how Patricia Arquette possibly won an Oscar?  Her acting in this is appalling, she's one note, monotone, deadpan.... just bad.  And the stories are ridiculous, once they tried to get invited to the 'gore porn' website I was done.  This shit is just embarrassing.

[LGGirl]

This show could have so much possibilities. I don't blame the actors as much as the writers. Did the CSI franchise just figured they could hire a JV team and think it will be good? It's like they thought they could put on any crap and it would fly.

[henripootel]

Raven is not only a hacker, but also a DNA lab tech.  WTF ?

So Discount Abby Sciuto is also a co-opted felon?  How's that gonna play when she has to testify in court?

 

Saul Goodman: So, Discount Abby, your job is to deliver whatever findings your boss wants or she throws you back in jail?

DAS: Well, now that you put it that way ... yes.

Saul: Your Honor ...

Judge: Yeah, I got this.

 

And now the CSI guys are not only interrogating suspects, they're doing so right where the find them, no 'benefit of council' or other such nonsense.  It's some measure of last week's crap-fest (which nearly turned me into an incoherent rage monster) that I didn't even bat an eye at this.

 

Apparently Boston PD, Mass. State Police and FBI Boston Office do not exist in this uniform.

Sigh.  Yeah, that's getting old too.   It's such an emergency that they have to send their own guys to intercept, for the 3-4 hours it'd take at the least to set up transport and get to Boston.  Instead of just calling the law enforcement guys in Boston.  I think we'll be seeing a lot of this.

Edited March 12, 2015 by henripootel

[Calamity Jane]

It absolutely is not worth the calories it will take to burn to explain this - but can someone tell me how an out-of-control subway train was able to hurtle through stops all the way to the end of the line without catching up with any other subway trains???  Where'd they all go?  OK, the FBI "shut down" all the cars, but they don't vanish in a puff, they're still there on the tracks, just not moving.  Right?  Am I missing something obvious?  It only worked on Speed because the train was running on not-yet-opened tracks.

[henripootel]

I agree with the comments upthread about the stupid parts of the train plot -- and cracked up at only the two Cyber FBI folks running into the station to save the day.

 

Comeon, Lisa - they sent in The Beek!  He saves children!  How many other law enforcement types even bother to do that?  Oh right, all of them.  

but can someone tell me how an out-of-control subway train was able to hurtle through stops all the way to the end of the line without catching up with any other subway trains???

I can give you an answer, but not a good one.  They had hours to prevent this, so it's not a stretch to say that they could divert the other cars onto side tracks to prevent a pile up.  But then, why the fuck didn't they just turn off the power?  No power, no runaway train.  So the real explanation: stupid wins again.

[Skycatcher]

Someone needs to tell "award-winning actress"  (really???)  Patricia Arquette to put down the Botox and step away.  It's like watching a plastic mask - the only part of her face that moves is her lips, kind of like a ventriloquist's dummy.  The rest of her face is frozen, except for occasional side-to-side eye movement.  Totally distracting.  Given that, and the already mentioned stupid factor, last night was the first, and the last hour I'll waste on this. 

[Calamity Jane]

Comeon, Lisa - they sent in The Beek!  He saves children!  How many other law enforcement types even bother to do that?  Oh right, all of them.  

I can give you an answer, but not a good one.  They had hours to prevent this, so it's not a stretch to say that they could divert the other cars onto side tracks to prevent a pile up.  But then, why the fuck didn't they just turn off the power?  No power, no runaway train.  So the real explanation: stupid wins again.

Right, and I don't think the timeline of those people riding around for hours works, either.  I think they just ripped off Speed without giving it half the thought we're wasting on it here.  The echoes were already there, but when they had Mundo being forced to lean out to grab the component, it became blatant.  This show needs to be put out of its misery as soon as possible - either end it, or given its magical, mystical CSI cachet which may mean it has to stay on, give it a complete reboot with MUCH better premises and MUCH better writers. 

[Kromm]

Last episode someone mentioned the CSI Cyber Magic Carpet, where they got from the DC area to "Upstate NY" in an hour.  And I guess they're claiming that little Jet we saw this episode was it (since it got them from the DC area to Boston in like 2 hours this time).

Comeon, Lisa - they sent in The Beek!  He saves children!  How many other law enforcement types even bother to do that?  Oh right, all of them.  

I loved how The Wonder Beek somehow had time to learn the little girl's name while pulling people out a door, then jumping onto a moving train, then under that deadline had time to turn to her and give her the Beek Meaningful Stare, and then found some other adult to take her while he slid under the train.

It absolutely is not worth the calories it will take to burn to explain this - but can someone tell me how an out-of-control subway train was able to hurtle through stops all the way to the end of the line without catching up with any other subway trains???  Where'd they all go?  OK, the FBI "shut down" all the cars, but they don't vanish in a puff, they're still there on the tracks, just not moving.  Right?  Am I missing something obvious?  It only worked on Speed because the train was running on not-yet-opened tracks.

Stop trying to confuse us with facts and shit like that!  

[henripootel]

Agent Ryan is able to detect minute facial expression on one person among dozens of commuters? What is she? A paranormal or something? Was that not cancelled already?

I met a guy who researches stuff like this and it turns out that folks who are paid to be essentially human lie detectors (cops, interrogators, border guards) are surprisingly bad at it.  Like sometimes no better than a coin toss, and often do worse than the coin.  Even the vaunted Israeli TSA guys can't spot liars reliably, and this when they're given a relatively simple task, like 'is this person lying or telling the truth', not 'are they telling 99% of the truth but lying about this one little thing'. 

 

But this is TV so we see tons of people with their little rules like 'if they look to the left when they say something, they're lying' or whatever.  If I hadn't learned to control my eye-rolling on this all I'd ever see again is my brain.

Edited March 12, 2015 by henripootel

[Calamity Jane]

I met a guy who researches stuff like this and it turns out that folks who are paid to be essentially human lie detectors (cops, interrogators, border guards) are surprisingly bad at it.  Like sometimes no better than a coin toss, and often do worse than the coin.  Even the vaunted Israeli TSA guys can't spot liars reliably, and this when they're given a relatively simple task, like 'is this person lying or telling the truth', not 'are they telling 99% of the truth but lying about this one little thing'. 

 

But this is TV so we see tons of people with their little rules like 'if they look to the left when they say something, they're lying' or whatever.  If I hadn't learned to control my eye-roliing on this all I'd ever see again is my brain.In

Interesting!  One time, our (new) principal tried to train us in this, for some reason thinking it would help us deal with middle-schoolers, and it was hilarious because she couldn't tell us if "looking to the left" meant the speaker's left or the observer's left.  Hilarity ensued.  Basically, it was more useful with 7th/8th graders to use the same operating principle as with criminals - if they're talking, they're probably lying, if the truth would get them or their friends in trouble. 

[LakeGal]

I laughed my way through the first episode. This episode I was just bored. I don't know who their target audience is. But it isn't me.

[slowpoked]

So my hubby who is a computer programmer watched last night with me and he said that this thing is ridiculous. First of all, according to him, the coding cannot be "compromised". Second of all, when they were chatting and posing as the gore forum administrator on a forum on the dark web on the FBI COMPUTER, the FBI system should have been hacked to death already. You don't chat on the dark web on a government computer and have your computer still be intact after everything.

 

But that's just according to him. Me, even without all of the cyber thing, this thing is pretty ludicrous. I wanna hire Patricia Arquette to spot all the liars and cheaters during rush hour. She's amazing in it.

[NYGirl]

CBS should be ashamed of themselves putting this crap on our TVs.  The acting is horrific and I can't believe the Oscar winning PA can't act.  Whoever writes this drivel should be shot. 

 

The premise excited me but the execution sucks.  This doesn't hold a candle to original recipe CSI and I'm not a fan of that either.

[Casual Viewing]

I didn't think any CSI show could possibly top the supreme badness that was CSI Miami aka The Horroratio Show, but I think this series in just 2 episodes has achieved that. I couldn't even make it through this episode. Uninteresting and ridiculous pretty well sums it up for me.

I miss CSI New York. Even when the plots weren't the greatest, I was invested in the team and liked the main characters for the most part. CSI Las Vegas was was always my first choice though this past season was tired. This new show could have been interesting, but they did everything wrong right from the start. I will be really angry if this gets renewed and a much better show like Forever is canceled.

[mnfe]

I agree with everything said in this thread about the various stupidities in the show.  I will add my own contribution:  Black hat hacker is now an expert on subway cars?  "Oh, that must be the old model, go hang yourself out the back."

 

I'm also curious about how Avery supposedly picked up these mad hacking skillz from her days as a psychologist.  But there's no way I'll be sitting through another one of these episodes.  I'd rather scoop my eyeballs out with a rusty spoon.  I think it would be less painful.

Edited March 13, 2015 by mnfe

[thuganomics85]

I went against my own words and actually gave this another go; mainly as background noise though.  I honestly barely survived introduction.  It really came off like some kind of attempt to emulate the Person of Interest opening, with all the cyber effects and shots of the cast, but instead of Michael Emerson's awesome voice, they've got Patrica Arquette just droning on and somehow sucking out all the energy.  And, again, this is just the introduction!  The episode is getting killed before it even starts!

 

I actually thought this was worse then the pilot, because with the exception of The Wonder Beek  (great nickname... and way better then "Elijah Mundo."), it was actually very boring.  The case was boring, the characters are boring, the interactions are boring.  Really, why am I suppose to care about this feud between Bow Wow and the chubby guy?  Is Raven (a.k.a. the only other woman on this show), not allowed outside of the office?  Does Peter MacNicol actually do anything else or does he just walk around the hallways, until the team needs him?

 

And, then there is Patrica Arquette.  She has to be thanking the gods they started airing this after the Oscar season.  I usually don't think other work should judge how they vote, but if Oscar voters saw her in this during the campaign, I wouldn't have blame them if they were like "Oh, second thought, maybe I should vote for Emma Stone instead..."

 

I'll probably keep this as background noise, because I apparently hate myself.  OK, I just really want to see what dumb action scenario they put The Beek in next.  I vote for a pure Speed rip-off, where someone hacks a bus, and The Beek has to drive it around, or it will explode.  Or maybe an airplane!  Let The Beek fly!

[Puffaroo]

Obviously I'm a glutton for punishment, because I decided to give this crap show another try.  I've not seen Boyhood yet, but I can't comprehend how Patricia Arquette possibly won an Oscar?  Her acting in this is appalling, she's one note, monotone, deadpan.... just bad. 

 

And what's with her having to take a deep breath at weird places?  Pulmonary issue?  Maybe the Botox migrated to her lungs.

[rungirl911]

There is no yellow line on the MBTA. As a rider of the Boston transit that bothered me. It's not hard to be accurate.

[Driad]

 

I'm glad they didn't use a real Boston subway line.  Bad enough that they ran an "attempted mass murder in Boston" story while the Boston Marathon bombing trial is in progress.  Not that I expect sensitivity (or accuracy) from TV, but they could have waited to air this ep until the trial is finished.  Or if the show has been canceled by then, no great loss.

[rungirl911]

Driad, true, but why even bother picking Boston in that same thought process; many other places have metro systems.   I think the show is a bit of a mess.  I can actually see what they are trying to do but it's not coming through.  My least favorite character is Avery and it's bothersome because I have seen her in other things where she is not so wooden.  I feel she tries to put HERSELF into each of the victim's stories--from the first ep:  "This is why *I* chose to do this job" .  It's very clunky and I like James Van Der Beek and want to see one of his shows succeed but I really don't want to watch this show unless it improves.