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S07.E01: Zoey Makes 4


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Having not know much of anything on how forgein adoption pick-ups work, I thought this went quite well.   Of course Zoey was upset and confused, which would be expected, but I do applaud B & J for the calmness.  I will agree that the camera crew probably didn't help much.  (even though I heard they used smaller equipment).   the only snarky thing is that Jen's constant nervous "cackle" laugh in the hotel when they first had Zoey probably didn't help at all to calm her.

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Hope I don't get tarred and feathered for this, but I wasn't at all getting the "Zoey doesn't like Bill (or men)" vibe.  She seemed to take immediately to him, and their solo trip to the doctor was completely calm and peaceful.  It almost seems as if the show or Bill was trying to spin it to seem that Zoey preferred Jen when I wasn't seeing that at all.  Zoey seemed more agitated with Jen.  Personally, I think it's not only that she's quite Type A and intense, but that her voice/giggle scares the little kids, and when she rachets it up another octave at times, such as when she's being playful, it freaks them out.  Bill's calm voice has to be much more soothing to their little ears.  Just my impression.  As of the Christmas show, though, it appears she's adjusted well and bonded to all three of her family members; hooray!

Edited by all4mom
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I believe he was being generous, not wanting it to appear that he was being preferred over Jen by yet another child; what a guy! 

Also, is it just me, or are her parents a little cool and/or not as involved with the grandkids as they had originally planned to be?  Seemed her mother was all over the idea, but then we see Bill having to rush back to take care of the kids, leaving Jen alone in the hospital to receive chemo.  Really?  Her parents, who moved to Houston to take care of the kids, couldn't keep them that day???  I sometimes wonder if they aren't somewhat disappointed that the kids aren't their genetic grandchildren; it was surprising to me that they moved out of the "guest house," as I thought that was why it was built.  And where is Kate??? 

 

Overall, they're pretty darned amazing!  Wishing Jen a full recovery and all a wonderful life.

Edited by all4mom
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I think that a lot of what we see regarding the grandparents and the care of the kids is quite scripted.  Jen did say that she preferred that Bill didn't spend the entire time with her at the hospital while she was having the chemo because she wanted to rest.  They said the nanny was off for the holiday, so I am sure they could have asked the grandparents to help out, but then we don't know what other holiday obligation they had themselves or maybe TLC thought it would be better to get footage of Bill alone with them for the show.

Well I am so glad it is not just me being mean about Jen's cackly laugh and I love that term as I couldn't describe it myself.  I find it very annoying and kids can pick up on intensity in your voice as well as your body.  I too wondered what they meant about Bill and Zoey.  I just don't think Zoey liked so much change, ie being handed from one to another.  She didn't like it in the orphanage either when she got passed from the lady dressed in white to the shorter Indian lady.  She wanted to bond with one person not many, Bill, Jen, Kate and the grandparents...too many people.  Jen has admitted she is type A, competitive and her intensity is very visible.  She is a perfectionist, almost OCD about things being perfect as Bill has often alluded to.  She lucked out when she got Bill as not many men would be so accommodating, I am sure there are times when he says enough Jen!  Like on the plane when Will was vomiting and Bill finally said enough wiping Jen and she stepped back and said oh ok as if she knew but couldn't help herself.  

I also was surprised the parents were no longer living there.  It was a beautiful space and a pool too, wondered why they moved when they originally moved to be closer to Jen and the kids.  So far this season they have not been shown as much.  Bill did stay with Jen one day of the filming and her mother was looking after the kids and Jen kept saying you have to leave to relieve my mother plus she wanted to sleep.  Jen's mother also looks after that pet store.  They said the father travels sometimes on business so is not always home.  Kate had holidays too.  

Truthfully I like Jen less and less as the shows carry on and like Bill so much more.  I often mute Jen or turn the volume down to avoid hearing her nervous laugh.  I am very very happy about her win over her cancer battle of course as I want those precious kids to have both parents.  

Edited by jodo
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I like Jen's personality. Perfectionism is probably what everyone wants in their doctor and especially in a neonatologist, and she's clearly able to still have fun and take bumps in the road as they come. What more can you ask of a person? Yeah, she wiped Will down a lot but the kid vomited on himself. I would be trying to bath him in sanitary wipes. Personally I think Bill lucked out, and I think Bill feels the same. 

IIRC Jen's parents moved because they have a herd of dogs and needed more space. I think that was brought up in Countdown to India episode. 

Zoey was obviously extremely wary of Bill in India. She kept glaring at him during the doctor's appointment, ran to the doctor when Bill put her on the floor, and refused to let him feed her the apple sauce(?). She also IIRC started crying even louder when Jen left to go to the bathroom in the beginning of the episode. Zoey was frightened and upset in general, but she seemed to react to Bill the worst. 

Zoey was kicking her leg at Bill because Bill was deliberately getting her goat by poking at it in fun; she wanted to be held and not put in the stroller, as she had just been.  Sorry to the Jen Fan Club (it almost seems we're not allowed to see her as a flawed human since the cancer diagnosis, or at least to comment on any flaws), but there was never any problem between Zoey and Bill.  Seems Zoey was also immediately at ease being held by Kate; with Jen, not so much!  I do sometimes wonder if the whole "having a family" thing was more for Bill, as he's from a large, close-knit family (and I hate that he had to move away from them) and clearly wanted kids...  Jen seems to lack patience with them -- or at least their "kid behavior" -- at times.  I didn't find them particularly "wired" or badly behaved at the hospital?  Bill just seems more amused and tolerant.  Neither of the parents is exactly young, after all.  Loved it when Zoey was climbing up the steps to the hospital bed and Jen was all, "Bill, she's climbing up, can you come around and..."  And Bill just said, "No; this should be entertaining" (or words to that effect).  Love Bill!  I was amazed at the whole sandwiches those kids were given instead of splitting one!  Yes, kids eat a lot, but not all at once.  However, I've also noticed that Jen, although both have stated repeatedly that she eats just a few bites at a meal, always orders a full adult meal when out and almost never "doggie-bags" it home (once or twice; one was the Giant Cinnamon Roll).  Couldn't she order a kid's meal or split an entrée with Bill?  So maybe they're just in the habit of serving up giant portions and have no problem with throwing it away?  As you can tell, I'm more a fan of Bill's, but wish Jen all the best.  Adorable two children!  As for Jen's parents and their three dogs, they had them before they built the house with the in-law suite!  Surely they could've accommodated them if that was desired.  I find it odd that they're not more involved in child care, as that seemed to be the point of moving.

Edited by all4mom
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Sure Jen's a perfectionist. . So what? She probably needed that to get to her career goals. ANYONE would have to be, regardless of size.

Jen's laugh is not something she can just change. That's the laugh she was born with.

And as far as her stiffness goes, that's part of her condition.

Just because WE don't see a doggy bag doesn't mean there isn't one. There's alot they don't film. I've been watching the past seasons, and one lunch Bill does say something like her getting a doggy bag.

As a member of the Jen Fanclub let me assure you that none of us can stop you picking at Jen, so don't worry about being oppressed! But we're entitled to our opinions too. Jen was getting chemo and her kids were running around, spilling food, and being attracted to the wires and tubes hooked up to the (probably very expensive and delicate) machinery. Maybe that wouldn't exhaust you, but it exhausted Jen. She didn't get upset or punish them. She and Bill just decided it was time for the kids to head home. That's pretty reasonable to me. And it's never seemed as though the children are stifled or oppressed by Jen, either. They seem to be very playful and pretty carefree kids considering their backgrounds. 

As for Zoey and Bill's relationship. Bill himself said that Zoey disliked him in the beginning and that it took six weeks for her to start showing him affection. I don't know why Bill would lie about that. Is Bill the type of guy who would be willing to misrepresent his daughter to the entire world for... what? Ratings? 

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As I said, I thought he was being generous about that because Jen was so counting on having a closer bond with Zoey so, in order for her to save face or to spare her feelings, either he or the show "spun" the story to appear that she was rejecting Bill instead of Jen.  I saw no evidence of this and couldn't imagine why they kept saying it...   Why would he?  Because he's that "big" a man, no pun intended... 

Yes, I too worried about the kids pulling those wires; probably not the ideal setting for two active toddlers (who are so stinkin' cute together, BTW).  Also, she said "I hope you brought dinner!" when food was sitting on her tray, so I'm sure some lines are scripted. 

They seemed to focus on food for the hospital. The first time it was snacks and Bill getting her lunch and then it was Bill bringing dinner. Given Jen eats five bites on a healthy day, how much is she eating during chemo? And food must really suck at that hospital! LOL!

I've always thought Jen didn't seem all that comfortable about kids. Infants yes, anyone walking and talking? Not so much. She's always been awkward with them, to me. We haven't seen enough of her with Zoey, but with Will at least, she focused more on everything being "right" and neat and proper, than she did on just being with him. Even if Will couldn't understand a word she was saying, kids can tell tone and body language. I've said from the get go, it would be interesting to see if she will be the same with Zoey since she seemed very into the sexual stereotypes of rough and tumble boys and pink and frilly girls. It's going to be an ugly day when Zoey refuses to wear the frilly pink dress and whatever headband/hat Jen is looking to shove on her head. 

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Zoey has "personality plus" and is definitely her own little person (no pun intended); this should be interesting!  I loved Jen and Bill in the beginning (although I kind of felt for him, between Jen and her parents), but the egg retrievals weren't holding my interest, and the whole surrogate thing was just awkward and strange.  Hope they'll eventually just do annual specials, but am loving these two kids, and I don't even like kids. 

Edited by all4mom
Given Jen eats five bites on a healthy day, how much is she eating during chemo? And food must really suck at that hospital! LOL!

 

She's at Children's for the chemo and perhaps the menu is geared more toward kiddie food than what Jen prefers?  I was wondering why the talk about taking food to the hospital also and that was all I could manage for a rationale. 

 

(edited)

I also wondered why the focus was on food at the hospital.  The day Bill went with Jen and stayed with her she asked him if he was getting her lunch for her and he said well I will get you hospital lunch...weird.  And yes there were containers of food on her tray at the hospital when he took the kids and Will was having his fit trying to get out of the stroller and get fed right now...EAT EAT EAT, telling Bill in the hall he wanted a drink with his hand motions which I think is adorable but instead of waving his hand back and forth and pointing at his mouth why can't they ask him to say Baba/Mama I want a drink, or I am hungry and I want to eat or can I have something to eat?  I haven't heard phrases yet although they say he is using them?  I don't see them encouraging him to repeat phrases back to them when he is such a "will"ing audience.   

Edited by jodo
(edited)

Yes they could use food as a reward to get him to talk more instead of as a reward to keep him quiet.

So last night's episode is back to 30 minutes which is too bad.  So now Zoey is copying Will with EAT EAT as she did when they got to the hospital and she was in her stroller.  She is picking up all of Will's habits about eating/drinking making it so important.  These kids are not starving so why are they so hungry or are they eating the wrong things or things that don't fill them up...something is not working.  Jen keeps blaming the orphanage and I have yet to understand why and I think this is unfair to them.  Zoey is gaining weight because she is growing taller and she is copying Will and there seems to be a plentiful supply of food all the time.  Giving her a bagel to chew on?  And Bill is looking bigger every episode across his upper body and his face, wow!  Will was just shoving food into his mouth at dinner last night and Jen asked him to use a fork so he shoved the food onto the fork and shoved it all in...it was cute but she shouldn't have laughed.  And how come Bill is not doing any discipline?  He should have asked Will to use his fork and eat properly backing Jen up.

Edited by jodo
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(edited)

Bill is probably experiencing caregiver fatigue!  Seems like he's doing all the housework and even medical care on Jen, and who is changing and bathing the two kids, unless we're not seeing a nanny, "Nini," or other child care assistant?  In addition to running his business in NY (doesn't he still have this?), the pet shop (that was just a filler for the grandparents until the grandkids arrived, or that was the original plan, anyway), and just getting those two ready to go somewhere looks exhausting!  Plus the chronic back pain.  I didn't see anything that needed "disciplining" anyway; boy is just hungry!  If all they get is grilled chicken, rice, broccoli, and bagels, that's not enough fat in the diet for growing children (and neither was "starving" in the orphanage; Zoey is just tiny, but came with Michelin rolls).  Jen is getting on my nerves a bit; she seems impatient and dismissive with Will, and he's not as happy as he used to be.  Meh! 

Edited by all4mom

I personally don't understand why Bill would have to get so exhausted.  They have the nanny, who works who knows when.  The grandparents come over at times to help out....  I have a feeling a lot of this with Bill doing all the work is for the filming.   Have they ever talked about what the plans are for when Jen gets back to work?  (and I am assuming Bill will be too?)   Will the nanny be on full-time?  Day-care?  Has there ever been any mention of "home-schooling"?

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Wondering if Will might be just a bit jealous of Zoey....I saw this clip on TLC which did not get aired as part of last night of Zoey playing with the doctor's kit and Will swoops in and takes it causing Zoey to cry of course...Jen gets miffed and tells Will to bring it back, asks him a couple of times (no response and no surprise) and says she will count to 3 which she doesn't do and Will knows there is no follow through so he leaves the kit and goes on to another toy and never does bring it back to her.....first rule of parenting is follow through, if you are not going to do that then don't threaten it in the first place.....then Will is at the table wanting cake, cake cake....Jen is apologizing (?) that she didn't make cake and so we go back and forth with Will crying asking for cake, cake cake....she asks him if he needs a timeout (asks?) and of course he doesn't get it and next thing Bill takes Will down and off they go to the high chairs for cookies with Will making sure Zoey only got two of them like he did....he gets what he wants eventually.....there is something not satisfying the kids in their diet and they are craving sugar already.  How about some sugar free jello or a piece of fruit with some cheese cut up in quarters of course!  LOL

Last night's episode was very misleading both in the promo clips and during the show about Jen leaving her chemo and making it appear her oncologist was tracking her down and Jen saying she was dizzy and tired after taking Adivan and telling the nurses I am supposed to be in bed but had to be with my daughter and on and on....turns out the doctor was tracking her down to give her good news on the lab results and it had nothing to do with her being up and about...she simply told Jen do what you have to do provided you can then get some rest.  I didn't appreciate being misled by TLC or Jen and Bill.  

I am wondering why Jen's parents aren't involved more in helping and/or why they have not hired someone full time (Kate?) to come and live in even temporarily to help with meals/cleanup and leave them to parenting...maybe Bill has taken a leave of absence too.  

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Jodo, why would you blame Jen or Bill on TLC's editing? They didn't mislead anyone.

You're right that follow through is very necessary. But both are probably fatigued, so I cut them some slack for now.

Just because we don't see NiNi or Kate all the time, doesn't mean they aren't there to help out. Both of Bill's businesses he can work on in the evening as well.

Jodo, it is pretty common for kids coming out of orphanages and out of foster care to have issues around food. Especially internationally, there aren't enough caregivers and there isn't enough time to allow all the kids to get to eat until they feel full so the kids get the set amount and that's it. If they're still hungry, too bad. The orphanage may also not have enough money to feed the kids as fully as the kids need to be to grow properly. That's why Jen and Bill were concerned about undernourishment in Zoey. Hence, the kids get adopted and just become obsessed with eating because they're not used to getting everything they need. I'm sure sugary treats in the orphanage were also few and far between given 1 - that in Chinese culture (to my recollection) they don't regularly eat a lot of sweet foods and 2 - treats can be expensive.  Will seems to be a good eater, sweets aside. He ate broccoli, and even asked for a second piece, and his veggies in addition to what looked like lasagne. 

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(edited)

Joanne3482 you need to watch the videos of Will (Josiah) growing up in China at New Day (google it on vimeo) and watch the one where he tries to reach the cookie.  I am sure there are orphanages around the world that must deny children food but both Will and Zoey came to Bill and Jen well fed.  Zoey is just super tiny and was not undernourished.  It is assumed because of Will's food obsession it is because of the hoarding aspect.  I think it has more to do with a North American diet and being fed addictive foods containing sugars, burgers/fries/nachos/goldfish cookies/cakes/ice cream/pineapple from a can that has added sugar usually.  New Day is run by American and Chinese ladies and the videos show lots of care and laughter.  They are heartwarming and a testament to how lucky he was to be there.  We were not lucky enough to see any of Zoey's growing up but she did not look starved when they picked her up, just tiny and cute!  She didn't even want to eat when they tried to feed her at first.  Will showed her how to do it!  LOL

In some cases at New Day there are often more than 2 caregivers per child as witnessed with him on a swing giggling his head off and in other group settings.  He sure does not look undernourished, he certainly was when they got him at 3.5months old and only 6lbs.  The New Day years do not include him walking around all the time with a water bottle or carrying a tin full of goldfish.  He was not raised to be obsessed with food like we are in North America.  He learned this when he came to North America like it was a right of passage and shows caring when it is just the opposite.  They did something right there and should not have it second guessed that he must have been starving there for him to behave like this when the US has the largest obesity rate in the world.  We are supposed to eat to live not live to eat.  

Edited by jodo
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(edited)

Somehow, I don't think Jen standing there arguing with him about whether or not there's cake to the point where he cries is going to help him resolve his issues with food.  Most toddlers are finicky, not shoveling every edible thing they can find into their mouths; it's clear he's hungry.  Give him some rib-sticking food of substance (that wouldn't be salad, or what looked like just lettuce leaves) and then, since it's clear they've trained him to expect dessert afterwards, a little cookie or whatever.  Then end dinner and divert his attention.  I did have to laugh when Bill said they were a family now and could sit around telling stories over dinner.  Not until Will stops yelling for cake, LOL.  Zoey was also saying, "Eat!" as soon as they pulled up to the table at the hospital cafeteria, then she tore into the bagel with her two teeth.  Dang...  Will looked happier in that orphanage video than he did in this last episode.  I hope that changes soon...

Edited by all4mom
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I didn't appreciate being misled by TLC or Jen and Bill.

All reality shows have previews that are cut to lead you to believe one thing and then it's another.  It's to get attention and interest.  Jen & Bill are not responsible for it - they aren't sitting there in the editing bay selecting footage for promos. 

Jodo writes that Jen & Bill are horrible parents for feeding Will so much crap.  All4mom posts that Jen (not Bill) is a horrible mom because she only feeds the kids healthy food.

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That was good; it was just like the recap reality shows are always giving us.  My very first TLC reality show moment: some kids playing, and then the parents telling us what we just saw.  I was like, "Why?"  But then the wife started abusing the husband, and I was hooked on reality TV.  I think Jodo and I agree that they need more fats in their diet, and I'm on board with them being healthy fats.  Maybe if they had a yard to run around in to burn off calories with Nini before she moved out or Kate - where is Kate? - they could afford to eat more!

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She's at Children's for the chemo and perhaps the menu is geared more toward kiddie food than what Jen prefers? I was wondering why the talk about taking food to the hospital also and that was all I could manage for a rationale.

This is kinda old, but just thought I'd add, I actually worked at TCH (the hospital Jenn works at and was being treated at) while I had no real experience with the food patients had brought to rooms, I will say the cafeteria area did not have a lot of options, anyone who was there any amount of time tired of it quickly, so I can imagine being that she worked there and was now spending a lot of time there for treatment she was probably over the food there. Edited by stacey
Removed duplicated text
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If you google "adoptees food obsession" you will find hundreds of accounts from new parents dealing with their adopted children's eating issues. It's a common problem tied to food insecurity at an early age. Bill and Jen didn't cause this and, from what I can gather, food restriction isn't advised. This is a problem that takes years to overcome (and at least one parent that I've read related that their child still has food issues into adulthood). New Day seems like a wonderful orphanage, but Will was brought to them starving so the trauma occurred prior to them. I don't know Zoe's background but seeing as her orphanage was run by volunteers and she's missing teeth, I would guess that all her nutritional needs were not met.

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The fact that SOME children from SOME orphanages (probably orphanages that offer neither enough nutrition nor nurturing, and we KNOW this wasn't the case at Will's orphanage) have food issues doesn't negate the fact that Jen is feeding these kids just lettuce, broccoli, grilled chicken, dry bagels, and appears to have withdrawn that with which she was constantly plying Will at the beginning and to which both have apparently grown accustomed (Bill: "These kids know what 'dessert' is!").  Food issue or no food issue, they are clearly hungry!  And possibly bored, since they are apparently never allowed outside.  And/or, if they are, why not show it?  The same with Kate's or the grandparents involvement; if they're caring for these kids, why hide it, unless they seek to create the impression that they're SO amazing, they're doing it all themselves when we know that's probably actually physically impossible for either of them.

Edited by all4mom

I haven't seen any of the fattening food since Will's "issues" have become an issue.  The day of Will's surgery, Jen made a point of saying, "Today, there's no restriction (paraphrasing); today he can have anything he wants!" as if that's not the case on most days.  I notice that anytime there's a criticism, the default answer is, "But we don't see everything."  Okay, but what we see is what we see.  The same could be said for the Gosselins or Roloffs or Boo Boos or any other reality TV family.  SMH at Jen's power over people; she should run for president!

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The same with Kate's or the grandparents involvement; if they're caring for these kids, why hide it, unless they seek to create the impression that they're SO amazing, they're doing it all themselves when we know that's probably actually physically impossible for either of them.

Ok I will probably get spanked for saying this- but if someone said that in my presence I would be offended and set them straight. I have MS and am completely deaf. The things I have heard - "can you drive, how can you hear the baby at night, how do you know if your child is crying" and so on.

Parents figure things out. It is not up to other people to decide things are physically impossible for them or anyone else. They know their own limitations and make appropriate accommodations. The grandparents are grandparents. Not primary caretakers. The Nanny is "just" a Nanny. Jen and Bill are parents. They know how to make accommodations.

There have been times I was given an interpreter (unasked, I might add) and It is frustrating when someone assumes I wanted one. I tell them to go home because if I want an interpreter I know how to ask!

I do not let other people decide my accommodations.

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If Will is still being bathed in the sink, I seriously doubt that Jen - by force of her amazing willpower (with which she defeated cancer) alone - can lift Will into it.  Come on, people!  Jeez.  Being an intelligent couple, they'd be the first to admit that there are things they simply can't do because of their size (in contrast to the Roloffs, who insist that they can, but "just a little differently").  In fact, I believe they have?  Perhaps the film crew helps out with them.

Edited by all4mom

all4mom, you seem awfully "sure" about all things in their home!  You have declared what they feed their children, what they can and can't do physically, who "should" be taking care of the kids and how they "should" have built their house, all the while mocking Jen's supporters and her many challenges.   Is Jen making you feel inadequate?  lol

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