Small Talk: 7th Floor Nurses Station

[Box305]

Thank you.

[GHScorpiosRule]

We really need emojis on this site. They would demonstrate the level of frustration I am feeling. Truly.  But all I can do is vent through words and hope that will make me feel better.

 

This past Saturday, while rewatching Outlander, after having watched the most recent episode, I felt funny. There was this...protrusion on my breast that felt like a well, I don't know what it felt like; I rushed to the bathroom, and yep. Mutant Boob had given birth to something. Looked like a giant pimple. But it wasn't.  I called my surgeon right away (he's awesome, he gave me his cell last Fall); told him about it; no fevers, no pain, no discoloration. So he says to see him this week. He was in surgeries all day Monday and yesterday, so I saw him this morning. I was thinking, will this maybe move the surgery date up? Maybe at a different hospital?

 

So. It was a "local" collection of fluid, which decided to not build up, but just collect in one dump.  My surgeon drained me, and I feel a lot more comfortable; lucky for me, ever since the mastectomy, I have NO feeling around Mutant Boob, so no need for a local. Good news, no visible infection. Bad news: I may end up with two surgeries after all-remove the expander and let the site heal.  I have to drain the excess fluid twice a day; he gave me the 'padding' which looks like shoe laces, to insert and absorb, along with antibiotics. so it's like the drains post mastectomy except I have to do the draining myself. I can do it, I told my surgeon when he asked if there was anyone to help. considering I live alone, I HAVE to do it myself and I can and will. I see him again on Friday.

 

I've always been a fast healer. So it's frustrating that this stupid, fucking cancer, that I got rid of, so to speak, is wreaking its own kind of revenge, by me having all these complications. I'm tempted to just tell the doctors, just take out the expander and don't put any implant in. So I'll have just one breast. Big fucking deal.

[testardo]

Which is why, in both cases (car repairs and medical procedures) it is often a good thing to get a second opinion. My son drives the car he came home from the hospital in (he is turning 24 at the end of the month and the car was already 3 years old when he was born) - its a Honda CRV wagon - and he has had three different quotes on a tune up: $400., $200. and $75 (the latter from some shady character off Craig's List). Last time he took the car in for a problem he was told he needed a new alternator so he took it for a second opinion to another mechanic, left the car with a note to do *nothing* before telling him what was wrong and how much it would cost (he did not volunteer any information as to what could be wrong to the second mechanic), came back at the end of the day and the second mechanic had gone ahead and replaced the alternator without asking! So my son was able to negotiate a charge just for the alternator itself (not the labor) as the mechanic had clearly overstepped...now he doesn't trust any mechanics and the car really needs a tune up!

 

Anyways...

We have a high school around here, they have a machanics area. The kids do the work and are watched very closely by the teachers.

They did my grandsons car numerous times and he was very satisfied. he took classes there when he was in school so he knew they were honest.Dealerships nowadays charge sooo much per hour, I think it was cheaper to buy a new car, just jokng really. You could ask around. Most of the schools have to be large or the ones who teach this. From what my grandson said the teachers watch the kids very closely to make sure they don't screw up.

[jennifer6973]

My dad volunteered at a school that had auto tech classes.  They fixed his truck for him. It took two years but he didn't really need the truck at the time.  They also fixed my door lock for me.

[tvgoddess]

GHSR, I really really hate this for you. You deserve to have something good come your way. Again, I'm not sure how old you are, but if you can reach out to your local YSC (Young Survival Coalition) chapter or any support group, they would be a great sounding board. So many women in my group, every kind of situation. As I didn't have a mastectomy, only a lumpectomy I can't advise but there are so many contacts and networks out there for you - online, group setting, whatever.

 

I'll keep thinking good thoughts for you. You got this, though. You're stronger than you know.

[WendyCR72]

We really need emojis on this site. They would demonstrate the level of frustration I am feeling. Truly.  But all I can do is vent through words and hope that will make me feel better.

 

This past Saturday, while rewatching Outlander, after having watched the most recent episode, I felt funny. There was this...protrusion on my breast that felt like a well, I don't know what it felt like; I rushed to the bathroom, and yep. Mutant Boob had given birth to something. Looked like a giant pimple. But it wasn't.  I called my surgeon right away (he's awesome, he gave me his cell last Fall); told him about it; no fevers, no pain, no discoloration. So he says to see him this week. He was in surgeries all day Monday and yesterday, so I saw him this morning. I was thinking, will this maybe move the surgery date up? Maybe at a different hospital?

 

So. It was a "local" collection of fluid, which decided to not build up, but just collect in one dump.  My surgeon drained me, and I feel a lot more comfortable; lucky for me, ever since the mastectomy, I have NO feeling around Mutant Boob, so no need for a local. Good news, no visible infection. Bad news: I may end up with two surgeries after all-remove the expander and let the site heal.  I have to drain the excess fluid twice a day; he gave me the 'padding' which looks like shoe laces, to insert and absorb, along with antibiotics. so it's like the drains post mastectomy except I have to do the draining myself. I can do it, I told my surgeon when he asked if there was anyone to help. considering I live alone, I HAVE to do it myself and I can and will. I see him again on Friday.

 

I've always been a fast healer. So it's frustrating that this stupid, fucking cancer, that I got rid of, so to speak, is wreaking its own kind of revenge, by me having all these complications. I'm tempted to just tell the doctors, just take out the expander and don't put any implant in. So I'll have just one breast. Big fucking deal.

 

Damn, GHSR. I hope the tides turn in your favor soon. If you ever want to vent some more, you know where I am!

[GHScorpiosRule]

GHSR, I really really hate this for you. You deserve to have something good come your way. Again, I'm not sure how old you are, but if you can reach out to your local YSC (Young Survival Coalition) chapter or any support group, they would be a great sounding board. So many women in my group, every kind of situation. As I didn't have a mastectomy, only a lumpectomy I can't advise but there are so many contacts and networks out there for you - online, group setting, whatever.

 

I'll keep thinking good thoughts for you. You got this, though. You're stronger than you know.

 

 

 

I'm 45, tvgoddess. Maybe I'll try to see if I can find an online support group, because the local groups here meet during the work day, and because I have a skinflint for a boss (he'd dock me pay, as he does when I have a fever and won't let me work from home because the office needs a "presence", meaning me, when no one ever comes here or calls for him on my phone), and I really can't afford to take any days off.  At least I have you guys, and my oncology team to bitch to.

 

 

 

Damn, GHSR. I hope the tides turn in your favor soon. If you ever want to vent some more, you know where I am!

 

 

I do, and much appreciated, Wendy.

 

Well, turns out I can't do the dressing by myself. I need to be in a prone position with someone holding a mirror so I can see the damn thing because of its location.  So I didn't insert the padding into the breast. It was mainly to stop the blood anyway, and there was barely of that this morning. So I just padded up on the sterile pads and wrapped the ACE bandage more tightly. And I'm not going to move from my chair at work, unless it's to use the loo.

 

I can do the other thing--use warm compress, and then push to express any lingering discharge/blood to prevent abscess. Since I'm seeing my surgeon tomorrow morning, I'm not worried that I couldn't get the stupid padding inside.

 

What really bites is that the pool opens this weekend and I.CANNOT.GO. Not allowed. Forbidden. And it's gonna be HOT on Monday! I'm hoping once this current issue is resolved, I'll be allowed to dip in the chlorinated water.

[GHScorpiosRule]

So, since I'm not allowed to take advantage of the pool this weekend, I'm stuck watching tv.

Just watched a Murder, She Wrote episode where a horrid head writer of a soap opera was killed because she was pretty much writing horrid storylines for the vets to get rid of them make them OOC and pander to the new and shiny. Sound familiar?

Someone should make Carlivati and Valentini watch this. Not that I'm advocating murder, but the guy who replaced the murdered head writer, wouldn't try to improve the writing, just continued with the dreck and the killer tried to kill him as well.

Sadly, it was the writer's husband who killed her and not anyone from the cast.

[tvgoddess]

Since we were discussing Josh Kelly's new show, "UnREAL" in a thread where it didn't belong I figured I'd put this here. Not a bad review. Incidentally, I did watch that show "The Lottery" that Lifetime did, and I was disappointed it was cancelled.

 

http://www.forbes.com/sites/merrillbarr/2015/05/25/unreal-tv-series/

[Sake614]

Geez, GHSR, you just can't catch a break! I've been away from the boards for a few days and just popped in to see how you were doing, only to find this bit of news. I'm sooo sorry for all your troubles, but I admire your strength and courage. I've got 10 years on you and am pretty sure I'd be instituted by now! I am relieved that it was nothing serious though, and glad you have such an awesome surgeon. You know we're always here for you, so vent away!

 

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[Box305]

Yeah, GHSR, you are one strong lady. 

[GHScorpiosRule]

Update:

 

Yay! That I got approved for my firm's insurance, which goes into effect June 1. Lawd the frustration I had in getting my current carrier to send me a letter cancelling my coverage was beyond ridiculous. They were telling me the letter would be sent out AFTER June 1, which would leave me with a lapse in coverage, not to mention it made no sense. So I asked to speak to a supervisor, and explained that to her. She said all they could do was fax me a letter stating when my coverage started and when it would end. I facepalmed myself, but told her, well, that is what I am asking for, so what's the problem? Yeesh.

 

Turned out I had to pack the dressing in the open wound, for the lack of a better word, where the latest fluid collection was. Full disclosure: I'm NOT squeamish by any means, and both my surgeon and nurse showed me how to pack the dressing (surgeon even cut away to expand the hole to make it easier for me) and had me do it in the office last week, and I did. The nurse is a wonderful person; I love her; She told me not to be afraid to push the end of the q-tip in. Nothing would puncture or break; the point of the packing was to heal the site from inside so as to prevent future fluid collection.  Well, I was doing fine until last Saturday and even yesterday morning. Pushing the stupid dressing, I got so dizzy I nearly passed out. I think it was seeing all that exposed tissue/skin. Sorry to be so graphic.  And then the trickle of blood around the white.

 

But today, surgeon told me that I can stop the packing and just put a band-aid over it with Neosporin.  He's concerned though--fluid continues to reaccumulate, but I have no pain (good sign), but after being fever-free for 2 months, I had a temperature of 100.9 this morning. Which was not good; and my blood pressure was also on the low side.  He thinks we may have to remove the expander and let the site heal, and then, either replace it with another expander, and THEN have the implant. Because it's the expander that maintains the shape of the breast. I'm just hoping that today's fever was a fluke. I'm blaming it on the fact I feel a summer cold coming on, and I was coughing yesterday, and it's on me, but I haven't been eating properly.

Edited May 27, 2015 by GHScorpiosRule

[Sake614]

I stand by my earlier post. You are an amazingly strong woman and I have no doubt you'll get through this latest setback. As for the fever, that's what happens when you're stressed and don't eat properly! So make sure to take care of yourself so you can be done with all the surgery and start enjoying life again! :)

[Box305]

I really don't know how you're handling all of this GHSR. I know I couldn't. I'm too squeamish. 

 

The vet sent us a condolence card yesterday with my cat's paw print on a separate card. It was a very nice card and in the handwritten portion they made it a point to mention how handsome he was which I thought was really sweet. My poor boy. I miss him. 

[Sake614]

Box, I didn't realize you lost your baby. I'm so sorry! I know how hard it is to lose a fur baby :( I agree it was very sweet of your vet to do that. And you'll see him again someday. He's waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.

[SlovakPrincess]

... I'm just hoping that today's fever was a fluke. I'm blaming it on the fact I feel a summer cold coming on, and I was coughing yesterday, and it's on me, but I haven't been eating properly.

 

 I wouldn't be able to pay attention to my eating habits with so much stress, either!  Keeping my fingers crossed that things get easier for you now ...

[Box305]

Box, I didn't realize you lost your baby. I'm so sorry! I know how hard it is to lose a fur baby :( I agree it was very sweet of your vet to do that. And you'll see him again someday. He's waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.

 

Thank you. It's been a week and a day and it sucks. I still cry. We'll be getting his ashes next week. :(

[Sake614]

It's been almost 17 years since I lost Lucky (dog) and there are lots of days I still cry. But  there are just as many, if not more, that I laugh at a funny memory of him. There's no timetable on grief, you just have to let yourself feel what you feel. And we're always here if you need shoulders to cry on! :)

 

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[Box305]

Thank you. I appreciate that. I think that the loss of Jack compounded with the loss of my father in October is just too much for me. It almost feels like the universe is piling on a bit. I'm so sick of loss.

 

But in other ways, I'm lucky, so I know I shouldn't be so down all the time. People are dealing with much worse. 

Edited May 28, 2015 by Box305

[GHScorpiosRule]

I think someone put a hex on me or something. Either that or my Mutant Boob was wreaking revenge. Yesterday my surgeon said no more packing of the wound site. BUT...last night as I got ready for bed, I noticed another HUGE lump where more fluid collected-just under the arm pit.

It scared the shit out of me as well as making me angry because it wasn't there earlier in the day.

So I called my surgeon this morning and he had me come in to remove the expander. After my Herceptin infusion, I drove over and he removed the fucking thing. Oh and did I mention I had a temperature of 101.2 this morning?

Good news is, all the previous cultures were negative, which means no infection. The entire husk of the breast I had is just inflamed, hence the fevers and fluid collection. So now it can heal. So final reconstructive surgery, obviously is on hold for the time being. I have to go back tomorrow to have drains inserted. Oh Joy.

I really wish my surgeon had given me general anesthesia instead of local. If only to spare me the sounds I heard as he pulled the expander out. Just ewwww and blech.

Edited May 29, 2015 by GHScorpiosRule

[RedRockRosie]

OMG you guys!! I just want to give you all a collective  healing hug. You are so brave.....

 

Life is seriously testing us all these days it seems...hang in....(what else can we do??)

[Box305]

Jesus. GHSR, that sounds really unpleasant. I hope things improve for you.

[Sake614]

Oh GHSR, this has to be the worst of it! I'm so grateful there's no infection, but still, I can't even imagine going through that. I truly hope everything gets much better from here on. And as unpleasant as this has been, at least now you can heal!

[Chairperson Meow]

Oh Box! I still miss my cat too. That's awesome of your vet to do. We learned our girl kitten is a boy. His name is now Finn Balor.

GHSR you are awesome. Hugs to all of you:)

[Box305]

Oh Box! I still miss my cat too. That's awesome of your vet to do. We learned our girl kitten is a boy. His name is now Finn Balor.

 

 

We had that happen with one of the other house cats (Jack and his brother were mine. My parents had other cats in the house). We thought it was a boy because it was an orange tabby and looked like a boy but she turned out to be female. We kept Charlie as her name. 

[GHScorpiosRule]

Well how's this for a wee bit o' good news?

 

Even though Mutant Boob looks like a shriveled up Frankenstein, my surgeon said this morning that I'm healing really well and that he's "ecstatic" at how good it looks.  And that was such a load of relief for me because the past few visits, I could see he was concerned. So me? cautiously optimistic. Because the last time I did a rah-rah, yay! Mutant Boob devised her own diabolical revenge in the form of the two back-to-back dumps of fluid collection. Which means no more packing of the dressing.

 

But I'm also seeing my breast surgeon next week so she can tell me what she thinks, because she was the one who initially said and thought that the expander should probably be removed so the site could heal and it turns out she was right, as my plastic surgeon also acknowledged last week. So from now on, I'm doing what she says to do. Because she's AWESOME!.  I really lucked out with her.

Edited June 2, 2015 by GHScorpiosRule

[OnceSane]

Yay for good news!

[WendyCR72]

About time the tides turned your way, GHSR!

[GHScorpiosRule]

UPDATE:

 

Okay, so my breast surgeon recommends, NO expander to replace the one that was taken out, and no implant.  She says to do delay my final reconstruction until I'm done with my herceptin treatment, which is November. And then recommended another surgeon who is an expert in autology? to do a TRAM ((transverse rectus abdominis muscle) flap procedure which uses tissue and muscle from the tummy (the lower abdominal wall) reconstruction. This way, no other foreign object in my body, which could very well cause the same issues I had with the expander.  But she says I'm healing really well, and recovered sensation where I didn't have some before, which is a VERY GOOD SIGN.  So the TRAM will be done in December, I'm thinking.

 

I'm disappointed my current plastic surgeon won't be able to do this; he's very limited in the kinds of surgeries he does do. My breast surgeon hasn't failed me yet, and has been right on everything that has happened, so I'm doing EVERYTHING she suggests/recommends.  She promises to come see me after the final surgery, since I'll be at yet ANOTHER different hospital--once I haven't been to, so everyone will be strangers, unlike the staff I've gotten to know at the hospital where I had my mastectomy and chemo port insertion. Kind of like the 80s GH!

[tvgoddess]

It sounds like you're getting the best solution that will work for you. A lot of women in my group had the TRAM flap. You will come through it with flying colors!

[Sake614]

I've been thinking about you GHSR, so I'm glad you posted an update! It sounds like everything is going really well and while I know nothing about the TRAM procedure, it has to be better than risking further infection/rejection of foreign objects. Good luck!

[GHScorpiosRule]

Stitches remain for one more week. Blah. 

 

Now I'm trying to figure out how to respond to a friend who asked if I "researched" the TRAM procedure, because it isn't easy. Well DUH! I know it's more invasive; I KNOW the recovery is much longer, and I'm not STUPID. There are three kinds of TRAM. I'm opting for the muscle free one, where no stomach muscle is taken, so that I'll still have tummy muscle down there. There are also SIEP and DIEAP, which is similar to TRAM. TRAM is basically like a tummy tuck; the fatty tissue is moved up to fill in the breast cavity. IF I'm not a good candidate for that, then they'd take the tissue from my back, butt or thighs. I"m not thinking "Hey this is much easier!" I mean, friend KNOWS everything I've been dealing with.  It's even more...I'm not sure what the word is that I'm looking for...not exactly hurtful, but friend is also a Breast Cancer survivor and had a double mastectomy about five or six years ago, and is older. She only ever says something with criticism.

 

Maybe I'll just leave it with "Yes, I did."

[dubbel zout]

I think "Fuck off; you're a terrible friend" is also a good response.

[Box305]

Part of me agrees with dubbel zout but the other part of me thinks, "Yes, I did," is sufficient. 

[dubbel zout]

Why not both? You don't need judgey friends in your life, especially when you're sick. 

Edited June 11, 2015 by dubbel zout

[Box305]

Why not both? You don't need judgey friends in your life, especially when you're sick. 

 

True. I'm not ill in the same way - I have bipolar disorder/panic/anxiety disorders - but I've gotten rid of toxic, judgey friends. 

[GHScorpiosRule]

I think "Fuck off; you're a terrible friend" is also a good response.

 

 

Part of me agrees with dubbel zout but the other part of me thinks, "Yes, I did," is sufficient. 

 

 

Why not both? You don't need judgey friends in your life, especially when you're sick. 

 

Oh, that I could! I'm a wuss. I haven't responded back yet. I'm dealing with the fact that my boss docked my pay because I had the audacity to not come into work while running a fever of 102, or right after the emergency surgery to have expander removed.

[Sake614]

Holy shit! I mean, I've heard stories of bosses like that. Hell I even worked for one. But I never had breast cancer! I can't even imagine docking your pay over something like that. I'm so sorry you have to deal with a shit boss on top of everything else but at least your friends should be supportive. They can THINK whatever they want, but should always support you in conversation. If she can't even do that, then IMO she's not much of a friend.

I know it's not the same, but you always have us. We'll never judge you!

[testardo]

Well we all know there are a lot of people out there who have a habit of opening mouth without engaging brain. People like that you can try to ignore, but you are allowed to tell her, Shut up. As for your boss, believe me karma will get him, May take a while but it will bite him in the butt. All you can hope for is to be around to see it, and say, what comes around ,goes around. We are all here for you. Say what makes you feel better, and remember you are brave ,very brave to be able to do what you have been.

[GHScorpiosRule]

EGADS.  I don't know if I'm just paranoid and seeing things that aren't there, or if what I'm seeing is normal considering the surgical procedure I had three weeks ago.

 

When changing my ace bandage last night, I saw what apppears to be another fluid collection?! Or maybe it could be the double ace bandages I've been wearing for compression purposes that just caused that lump? I just don't know anymore. And it's not as if I've got a foreign object inside my breast cavity, and the lump isn't even in the FrankenBoob.  

 

I'm going to my surgeon today, anyway, to get the stitches removed, so maybe he'll be able to tell me. If not, I have my Herceptin infusion tomorrow, so I'll see if I can snag my breast surgeon, who is in the same building to take a look-see.

[Sake614]

Ugh, I really hope it's nothing. I mean, with everything you've already gone through, you deserve to catch a break! Good luck and keep us posted.

[BestestAuntEver]

Hopefully it's nothing but contacting and talking to your doctors is a good thing. You will know either way and get some piece of mind.

[GHScorpiosRule]

Update:

Well, the stitches are out and my surgeon is very happy how well it's healed. He doesn't think that lump is fluid collection though. I don't need to see him again for a month!

But I still want my breast surgeon to take a look at it. Yes, stoopid Franken Boob has made me paranoid. I wouldn't put anything past it.

[GHScorpiosRule]

So, Oncologist doesn't think it's fluid collection--no fever, it's not red or inflamed, but suggested I still monitor it.  She said it looks like something just rubbed up against it, which is true; I've been wearing double ace bandages since the surgery of expander removal; like really tight so that the bandage stays in place. Thank goodness I only have to do it for one more week, and I can go back to wearing bras! Yippee! (that's sarcasm)

[Gigi43]

GHSR, I think you've earned the right to be as paranoid as you want (even though paranoia isn't fun.) I've been behind on this SM thread and specifically came to see if you've had updates. I'm glad you're on the recovery road finally!

[GHScorpiosRule]

Thanks Gigi43

 

Thought I'd tell a funny story. Well, it had me laughing, along with the reps and tech people at BCBS.

 

See, for the past two doctor appointments, I was told that whenever they brought up my coverage, they got "inactive", that my current coverage wasn't valid. So, I called my firm's broker, and according to them, it was active, and when my doctor offices finally got through, they saw it was active. No explanation why my doctor offices couldn't see that. Today, my Herceptin treatment, was nothing short of a nightmare, calling and trying to figure it out.

 

So. When I got to my office, called our broker, who told me to call BCBS directly, and going to my account online to register, I discovered my old account kept coming up. See, with BCBS, doesn't matter what group plan you have, once you join the first time, the same member id is used. It's the group number that one can tell the difference. In my case, my previous coverage with BCBS, was, the same--Blue Preferred/Gold. Except my deductible was lower. Okay, now for the funny part.

 

Turns out, my old coverage information was correct (of course it was, I registered all the info!) BUT, my firm's broker provided the information to BCBS, and they....insert drum roll...identified me as a...MALE. You read that correctly. I was a man.  Which goes to show how stupid they are because I've spoken with practically everyone in that department, and they know I'm female.

 

So I called BCBS and asked, well, can you turn me back into a woman? They said no. What they did do, was change my gender on my old coverage, hit refresh on my computer, and lo and behold! I see my current coverage! So now, I had to call member services, and have them 'turn me back into a female.' No lie, the situation was so ridiculous, that's just what I asked them to do. They laughed, I laughed, even tech laughed because I had to call them back, and tell them it was done on the member services side, and now tech had to do it, so both ends would match up.  And yes, I heard these words come out of my mouth, and I don't think it's a funny matter or meant any disrespect, but I said, "no, this is not a case of Bruce Jenner who is now Caitlin Jenner; I AM a woman and always have been."

 

But now according to BCBS, I am back to being a woman.  Here's hoping that since the old coverage information is gone, when my doctor offices pull up my file, they'll see the active coverage.

 

And now I have my annual mammogram coming up, crossing fingers that my healthy breast is still healthy, and Franken Boob, at least, doesn't have to go through the pancake press that is a mammogram.

 

The parents will be coming at the end of the year when I get my final reconstruction and stay for two months, to help me during my recovery.

[tvgoddess]

Goodness GHSR, with everything you've been through, I'm really glad you can laugh about it. But that is pretty funny they thought you were a man. I mean, males can get breast cancer too, but you'd think they'd know you by now. Crazy.

 

When's your mammogram? I'm having my MRI, mammogram and six month checkup on July 13, and I'm already stressing over it. I live in perpetual fear of it coming back, and not choosing aggressive enough treatment (lumpectomy/radiation opposed to mastectomy). Anyway, I will toast to both of us passing with flying colors!

[GHScorpiosRule]

When's your mammogram? I'm having my MRI, mammogram and six month checkup on July 13, and I'm already stressing over it. I live in perpetual fear of it coming back, and not choosing aggressive enough treatment (lumpectomy/radiation opposed to mastectomy). Anyway, I will toast to both of us passing with flying colors!

 

 

Egads. I have to wait until AUGUST. But I have my annual PAP on Monday, at which time I'll get that stupid little piece of paper, and make the appointment.

[cmahorror]

Finally catching up - keep your heads high and know that there are plenty of people out there who support you.

 

Ten years ago, almost to the day, started the worst year and a half of my life. In a short 18 months I almost lost my daughter in a car crash, lost my husband, had a grand mal seizure and, to top it off, the dog my husband and I had gotten together passed away. I also was battling severe situational depression (can't imagine why) and insomnia. I started to wonder if anything good was coming my way again.

 

Now I am closing in on 42 (3 months to go) and today I celebrated the birth of my fourth grandchild, my third from the very daughter who nearly died. I now have 1 granddaughter, who is very much Grandma's girl, and three grandsons. I have a job I adore, I quit smoking (5 years clean), and found a voice for all the crazy thoughts in my head through fan fiction - and people seem to really like what I write, who knew!

 

I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you can see a little light at the end of your tunnel.

 

Now if I could just find a guy interested in a grandma who hasn't dated in ten years...lol

[dubbel zout]

Rock on, cmahorror!