Small Talk: Judge's Chambers

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

14 hours ago, Byrd is the Word said:

I’m a follower of rules because most of the time they favor the right party and allow order. But I’m also a proponent of respect and doing the right thing. Sometimes rules needs to be challenged to see if they are indeed (or remain) what they were intended to be. Lots of rules have  changed in our lifetime. Some for the better and some not.  Don’t forget that Germany had lots of rules in the 30’s and 40’s. 

Certainly rules do need to be challenged, but these days, many people break the rules in order to challenge them instead of saying "hey, this rehearsal stuff is too much for our busy schedules. How about we rehearse an hour beforehand?" This would happen AHEAD of time. The problem with just will-nilly breaking rules is that once one person gets away with it, then the rest of the participants start thinking "why the heck am I following the rules when X can just get away with it".  Those who break the rules for whatever reason (whether it's valid or not) get rewarded.  Those who do the right thing don't. 

And yes, I sound like ya grandpa and here's a Werther's hard candy out of my pocket. 

I live in South Florida. My JJ comes on at 4 PM and gets preempted by weather constantly. Every afternoon, we have thunderstorms, mostly severe, with lightning and crazy downpours. It happens over the same areas and the same areas flood every time it rains. Why we get this EVERY afternoon is beyond me. I understand, yes, if there's a tornado but they could just play the same forecast every day and nothing would change. 

[Byrd is the Word]

41 minutes ago, ItsHelloPattiagain said:

Those who break the rules for whatever reason (whether it's valid or not) get rewarded.  Those who do the right thing don't. 

Ha!  I love linty candy from grandpa's pocket and grandma's purse.  But I never understood what that funny smell was in that old handbag.

My final point on rules and convention is that some of the greatest advances in mankind have come as a result of courageous individuals who defied the rules of science, law, social norm, etc and forced change.  Whether or not the rule breakers or rule followers are rewarded or punished always seems to be decided by those persons ultimately in charge.  And history is full of all sorts of examples of all this.

By the way, if you want a dramatic example of the consequences of blindly following the rules and authority figures find the new HBO docudrama "Chernobyl".  It's incredible what was happening over there in 1986 while the rest of us were busy doing other things.

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

6 minutes ago, Byrd is the Word said:

My final point on rules and convention is that some of the greatest advances in mankind have come as a result of courageous individuals who defied the rules of science, law, social norm, etc and forced change

Very true. But I doubt the breaking of a rule involving a rehearsal of graduation rises to this level. 

And as for the funny smell from the handbag, it was from the crumpled up old tissue in the bottom of grandma's purse. Speaking of old tissues, my (now ex) sister in law who I would qualify as the epitome of a spinster sent us all questionable Xmas presents one year.  I got a tote bag to carry my music in. I recognized it as a bag that HER deceased mother used to carry music in and the suspicion was sealed when I found a couple of crumpled up old tissues in the bottom of a bag. Not even a re-gift because a re-gift would imply something new that not used before given. Nothing like the bag of a dead woman to send a message to me. 

[funky-rat]

Yeah, I agree that on this one, bending the rules to suit one person would open them up to all manner of "But why for that person, and not for me?".  While the mom still has supporters of the keyboard warrior variety, more kids are stepping up and saying other Tech kids showed up to rehearsal, and are showing screencaps from the school website, the school handbook, etc.  And some who were nearby when this happened are thankfully speaking up about it being way blown out of proportion.

I worked with a woman who I liked (no one else seemed to like her) at my prior job.  She had a decent, well-rounded son.  One time he skipped school, and was caught because his inadvertently showed up on TV, and she punished him.  I thought "Good.  Be his mom, not his friend".  Until he got wrapped up in some stupid stunt some seniors pulled at their school (different school, and not a senior "prank" but a more spontaneous thing that happened), and those involved were denied their prom tickets.  Well, then all hell broke loose with this woman, and other parents.  The kids caused thousands of dollars in damage, and made it so the facility where it happened couldn't be used for 2-3 weeks while professionals came to clean up (it was more than the kids could do).  This normally well grounded woman suddenly was all "Not my kids' fault - everyone was doing it".  Yeah, and everyone is being punished.  They were seniors, and should have been grateful they didn't miss graduation, or were suspended so they couldn't meet their graduation requirements.    

[Brattinella]

4 hours ago, ItsHelloPattiagain said:

Very true. But I doubt the breaking of a rule involving a rehearsal of graduation rises to this level. 

And as for the funny smell from the handbag, it was from the crumpled up old tissue in the bottom of grandma's purse. Speaking of old tissues, my (now ex) sister in law who I would qualify as the epitome of a spinster sent us all questionable Xmas presents one year.  I got a tote bag to carry my music in. I recognized it as a bag that HER deceased mother used to carry music in and the suspicion was sealed when I found a couple of crumpled up old tissues in the bottom of a bag. Not even a re-gift because a re-gift would imply something new that not used before given. Nothing like the bag of a dead woman to send a message to me. 

I am sorry this was done to you.  However, I find it exceedingly funny and wish I could do that to my sister!

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

The dead mother in law bag was actually quite hilarious. Perhaps my usually fragile self-esteem was just thinking "What. . . the heck".  My (now ex) husband got a key ring. One daughter got a decent gift (a craft kit) and the other got some fakakta toy that was marked for age three to six (D was nine).  It was like she just gathered weird stuff she found around the house. 

[funky-rat]

15 hours ago, ItsHelloPattiagain said:

The dead mother in law bag was actually quite hilarious. Perhaps my usually fragile self-esteem was just thinking "What. . . the heck".  My (now ex) husband got a key ring. One daughter got a decent gift (a craft kit) and the other got some fakakta toy that was marked for age three to six (D was nine).  It was like she just gathered weird stuff she found around the house. 

I once got an ugly-as-sin-and-just-as-cheap watch and jewelry set that my late evil mother-in-law gave me for my birthday.  For starters, she was always convinced my birthday is in August, and no amount of telling her otherwise would stop her from buying me birthstone stuff for the wrong month.  I also politely asked her to not buy me things that weren't real gold or silver because of a skin condition, and since those items tend to be pricey, I suggested no jewelry at all.  So she'd buy me things with plastic beads, etc.  She insisted on making my wedding jewelry with gaudy plastic heart beads, etc.  We smiled and dealt with it.

I groaned internally, but thanked her for the watch and jewelry set anyway.  Her response: "I wont that in a claw machine".  Meanwhile, my husband got some nice and well-thought-out gifts.  Ugh.....

[CrazyInAlabama]

My aunt (mother's sister) would buy her Christmas gifts on the giant clearances right after Christmas.    Since she shopped at the bargain basement part of the store, her gifts often had some issues, because items were years old sometimes.     One time she sent my mother some fake suede gloves, and they smelled so bad that we hung them up outside for weeks, and they still reeked.     

Edited June 13, 2019 by CrazyInAlabama

[funky-rat]

14 hours ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

My aunt (mother's sister) would buy her Christmas gifts on the giant clearances right after Christmas.    Since she shopped at the bargain basement part of the store, her gifts often had some issues, because items were years old sometimes.     One time she sent my mother some fake suede gloves, and they smelled so bad that we hung them up outside for weeks, and they still reeked.     

My mom has a "gift shelf" shelving unit.  If she sees something on dirt cheap clearance that she feels will make a good gift, if she gets something as a gift she can't use, if she knows someone who has a kid/grandkid who is fundraising, it goes on that shelf.  When Boscov's (a regional department store chain headquartered in my state) does their "Did You Boscov Today" yearly thing, where you get gifts for making purchases and visiting the store to get your calendar validated, most of that stuff goes out there too.  It's come in handy a few times, but for the most part, it's old stuff and sits for some time.

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

18 hours ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

My aunt (mother's sister) would buy her Christmas gifts on the giant clearances right after Christmas.    Since she shopped at the bargain basement part of the store, her gifts often had some issues, because items were years old sometimes.     One time she sent my mother some fake suede gloves, and they smelled so bad that we hung them up outside for weeks, and they still reeked. 

CrazyinAlabama, when I lived in Mobile over 20 years ago, there was a place called Hudson's that used to get random discount stuff from store closings, fire sales (literally fire sales, I went to buy a super cheap party dress for my daughter there and it had singe marks on it and smelled like a BBQ), and the like. My friend's elderly aunt bought some Power Ranger pajamas there for my friend's two sons. . . the boys were 14 and 16. 

[funky-rat]

17 minutes ago, ItsHelloPattiagain said:

CrazyinAlabama, when I lived in Mobile over 20 years ago, there was a place called Hudson's that used to get random discount stuff from store closings, fire sales (literally fire sales, I went to buy a super cheap party dress for my daughter there and it had singe marks on it and smelled like a BBQ), and the like. My friend's elderly aunt bought some Power Ranger pajamas there for my friend's two sons. . . the boys were 14 and 16. 

We have Ollie's Bargain Outlet here for stuff like that.  Most people just love it, but I hate it.  The stores always smell, they take over old stores like Toys R Us and do nothing to update or clean them up, stuff is just randomly thrown on shelves, stuff is factory seconds but not marked as such, and they're all generally extremely disorganized, and that drives me crazy.

[KittyMom4]

1 hour ago, funky-rat said:

We have Ollie's Bargain Outlet here for stuff like that.  Most people just love it, but I hate it.  The stores always smell, they take over old stores like Toys R Us and do nothing to update or clean them up, stuff is just randomly thrown on shelves, stuff is factory seconds but not marked as such, and they're all generally extremely disorganized, and that drives me crazy.

LOL, we go to Ollies to find cheap stuff for our camp (rugs, towels, stuff that won't bother me if they get ruined), I tell my guy that when I retire I am going to apply to be the Ollie's Organizational Coordinator and just spend all day cleaning and organizing their shelves and store fronts. It would be a dream come true! 

5 hours ago, funky-rat said:

My mom has a "gift shelf" shelving unit.  If she sees something on dirt cheap clearance that she feels will make a good gift, if she gets something as a gift she can't use, if she knows someone who has a kid/grandkid who is fundraising, it goes on that shelf. 

My parents were friends with a woman who did this, she was a widow with no children and when she passed my parents helped clear out her house and get it ready for sale. My mom said there was a walk-in closet full of things that she'd likely purchased as gifts, she was a sweet lady who always had a little trinket when we visited her, unfortunately most of the items were covered in dust, spiderwebs and, um, mouse droppings so they had to be disposed of. 

[SRTouch]

22 hours ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

My aunt (mother's sister) would buy her Christmas gifts on the giant clearances right after Christmas.    Since she shopped at the bargain basement part of the store, her gifts often had some issues, because items were years old sometimes.     One time she sent my mother some fake suede gloves, and they smelled so bad that we hung them up outside for weeks, and they still reeked.     

Years ago, late 70s-early 80s, while stationed in Germany I bought Christmas gifts early and mailed them to my young nieces. I had no idea what little girls would want, so just picked up some Barbie stuff at the PX. Turned out the latest/greatest Barbie stuff had shipped to Europe PX's before the stuff was even released in the States. Later I learned the stuff I bought sold out as soon as it hit the California stores - my sister looked all over and couldn't find Barbie stuff I unwittingly bought and that the youngsters wanted. Of course I was a big hero to the nieces - thankfully I bought the same thing for all 4 nieces. 

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

2 hours ago, SRTouch said:

Of course I was a big hero to the nieces - thankfully I bought the same thing for all 4 nieces. 

Talk about Brownie points!!! Kudos to you for being the cool uncle. 

Back when my daughter was dating my (now) son in law, I wanted to buy his three adopted little sisters Xmas gifts. That was the year that The Princess and the Frog came out and the girls  are biracial. I drove all over trying to find Tiana (the "Barbie" main character in the movie) who was sold out everywhere and managed to snag three of the same dolls at three different Targets within a one hour driving radius. I was very proud of myself. 

[Byrd is the Word]

Well ladies and gentlemen, I have what could be the seeds of a future JJ epp.  My wife and I were in Kansas City for our daughter’s wedding last week and staying in a lovely 4 bedroom AirBnb home around the corner from the museum that hosted the event. The house was quite old but recently remodeled and in a very charming urban neighborhood. The only concern was the flight of stairs to the second floor was was uncovered, a bit slippery and much more steep and narrow than you could build today. The first morning my wife (who, through hard work and the grace of God is quite strong and fit) missed the first awkward step and fell down 12 stairs landing in a heap on the landing. It was terrifying. Lots and lots of blood from what turned out to be a broken nose along with a painful hand injury and some bruising. After a morning at the ER she was able to gather herself and barely missed a beat the rest of the trip. The interesting part to me is that a number of smart people at the wedding suggested that the host could be liable for the injuries and the expenses. When the host and I spoke I suggested that he contact his homeowner’s carrier and inform them of the accident, just like each of us would do if we collided in traffic, he got very quiet. I have a call into my attorney to find out who really is liable. Stay tuned. But if you see a fat man with neck tattoos in an ill fitting suit standing with a trashy blonde wearing blue eye shadow and a too tight dress that reveals her unattractive décolletage you’ll know we couldn’t work it out.

PS, the wedding was perfect. Regrettably we have no cause of action with the dress maker, DJ, photographer, florist, bakery, limo driver, landscaper, lighting technician, floor sweeper, bartender.  Nobody. Everything was truly perfect.

Edited June 18, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[Florinaldo]

3 hours ago, Byrd is the Word said:

But if you see a fat man with neck tattoos in an ill fitting suite standing with a trashy blonde wearing blue eye shadow and a too tight dress that reveals her unattractive décolletage you’ll know we couldn’t work it out.

Would those two litigants be on the plaintiff or the defendant side?  😉

Edited June 18, 2019 by Florinaldo

[Byrd is the Word]

18 minutes ago, Florinaldo said:

Would those two litigants be ont he plaintiff or the defendant side?  😉

Oh, that would be the Mrs. and myself, my dear. 

(So far the host and hostess seem like very nice people with no remarkable physical or style issues whatsoever)

Edited June 18, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[CrazyInAlabama]

My guess is that sadly for the homeowner, his insurance either doesn't cover short term rentals, or there is no insurance.      Make sure you notify us of the airing date, and the filming date might be a fun time for a local crowd of JJ fans to greet you at the airport.  

It's also possible that recent remodeling, means stairs had to be up to code (non-slip treads, hand rails, etc), and homeowner ignored that.  

Edited June 18, 2019 by CrazyInAlabama

[Byrd is the Word]

8 minutes ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

My guess is that sadly for the homeowner, his insurance either doesn't cover short term rentals, or there is no insurance.      Make sure you notify us of the airing date, and the filming date might be a fun time for a local crowd of JJ fans to greet you at the airport.  

I'm fairly certain that's case here. And frankly, I'm not certain the homeowner is at fault.  The stairs appeared to be tricky and they were. It's not like they were buttered or broke underneath her.

Edited June 18, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[Florinaldo]

10 minutes ago, Byrd is the Word said:

And frankly, I'm not certain the homeowner is at fault.  The stairs appeared to be tricky and they were

A judge or arbitrator might well decide that a reasonable person had a duty to exercise  caution since the stairs appeared tricky, and perhaps go for shared liability. But now we'll never and you glorious tats and unsuitable suit wil remain unseen forever by us.

[Byrd is the Word]

24 minutes ago, Florinaldo said:

A judge or arbitrator might well decide that a reasonable person had a duty to exercise  caution since the stairs appeared tricky, and perhaps go for shared liability.

Yes, exactly.  Plus any reasonable person should go to great lengths to avoid a lawsuit. Win or lose, they are rarely worth the effort.

[Byrd is the Word]

29 minutes ago, Florinaldo said:

But now we'll never and you glorious tats and unsuitable suit wil remain unseen forever by us.

My tats and crummy suit aren't anything special, but her boobs are different.  "They're real, and they're spectacular" 😜🤣

Edited June 18, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[PrincessPurrsALot]

For those of you wondering but not foolish enough to google it since you don't want it showing up in your feed, Victoria's Secret has a full line of poorly made, over priced clothing.  Pink is one of their brands.  Top size is an XL: https://www.victoriassecret.com/vs/clothing/all-clothes.

[Byrd is the Word]

19 minutes ago, LucindaWalsh said:

@Byrd is the Word  I gasped when I read the line about falling down the stairs and I am very glad your wife is okay. Also glad that you aren't going to destroy the person who owns the home. Props to you and your wife for being such troopers and level headed!

But...two of my son's are getting married, Oct 2019/Oct 2020 and now I am giving myself anxiety because of course! the girls have picked those "barns as wedding venues" for the big days, two different locations (again, because of course they can't have the same venue, haha). Am I going to have to pick up every cow patty in the field? What if someone burns their mouth on the s'mores at the fire pit?? At the second venue there is a useless balcony which I am sure someone will venture up and fall off, even though there will be a sign, made by me that says I will beat the hell out of you if you even look at this balcony.

My wife and I decided that the fall really was her fault in spite of the fact the stairs were not as safe as they should be. She suffered a broken nose, the trauma of which was doubled this week when she had it reset. Lots of blood. Her thumb was also broken. But we both feel she was truly blessed to have walked away from that fall and neither of us wanted to icky that fact making this into a federal case. Plus I’ve always been very critical of this who blame others for there misfortunes and neither of us are eager to join that club.  We did tell the owner this week that we will drop the entire matter in exchange for his promise to make the stars safer. Nobody should again suffer the type of fall that she was lucky enough to survive in one piece.

There’s a bit of a solution to your s’more and balcony concerns. We were required to purchase a special one day liability policy that protected both the venue and us from similar calamities. One or both or your venues will likely require it too. If they don't buy one anyway.  I bought the policy online for less than $200 and it gave us all some piece of mind. Be sure to check with your agent if you have one or search “wedding event insurance”.  And congratulations!!

Edited June 23, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[Byrd is the Word]

45 minutes ago, LucindaWalsh said:

Quoting myself in response to your response because I want to clarify that I would not deny you or your wife a just resolution! I do think that it would have been appropriate for the host to go above and beyond making things right, from a business and people perspective. I hope you and the owners reach a solution that makes each of you whole. 

There was insurance stuff on the contract for the oldest son's venue papers (we are paying for his wedding, loooooooooong story) but I will have my worser half check on this wedding venue insurance with our agent, it is interesting. 

I exaggerated the girls a bit, they are both wonderful! I am a lucky mama.

I did consult an attorney this week. I did it because in spite of our feelings to the contrary, well intended family and friends thought the homeowner was liable. I was 80% sure I knew better but I wanted an informed opinion when I told these folks why we didn’t press the issue. I also didn’t want to second guess myself forever. He confirmed what I thought. The homeowners weren’t liable. We could certainly allege all sorts of things and sue anyway but neither she nor I wanted to put ourselves or anyone else thorough that. We made the right decision.

I share your feelings of good fortune. Both our kids married great people and they’re both (and us) very, very happy. It’s a great feeling. 

Edited June 23, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[Brattinella]

2 hours ago, Byrd is the Word said:

My wife and I decided that the fall really was her fault in spite of the fact the stairs were not as safe as they should be. She suffered a broken nose, the trauma of which was doubled this week when she had it reset. Lots of blood. Her thumb was also broken. But we both feel she was truly blessed to have walked away from that fall and neither of us wanted to icky that fact making this into a federal case. Plus I’ve always been very critical of this who blame others for there misfortunes and neither of us are eager to join that club.  We did tell the owner this week that we will drop the entire matter in exchange for his promise to make the stars safer. Nobody should again suffer the type of fall that she was lucky enough to survive in one piece.

I am so sorry for your dear wife's injuries!  That is horrible!  I feel fortunate to know there are people left in the world who would not take advantage of something like this.  I have seen so many where a burglar or a robber is injured in someone ELSE'S house where they shouldn't have been in the first place, doing nefarious things.

[AngelaHunter]

On 6/18/2019 at 7:46 AM, Byrd is the Word said:

PS, the wedding was perfect. Regrettably we have no cause of action with the dress maker, DJ, photographer, florist, bakery, limo driver, landscaper, lighting technician, floor sweeper, bartender.  Nobody. Everything was truly perfect.

Oh, come on. I'm sure you could find some reason why the whole day was ruined and find someone to sue if you really tried.  Sounds like a good time was had, and not even one drunken brawl or act of vandalism! Congratulations!

Too bad about your wife's accident, but glad that although she was battered and injured it was nothing life-threatening. So the homeowner doesn't bother with insurance when they are renting out the place? I cannot imagine not having insurance on my home, but then I'm not a big gambler like most of our litigants who drive and live without insurance, just keeping their fingers crossed that nothing will ever happen. 

[Byrd is the Word]

35 minutes ago, AngelaHunter said:

I'm sure you could find some reason why the whole day was ruined and find someone to sue if you really tried. 

There was one moment when the baker or the venue failed to place the wedding cake on the special cake stand that my daughter bought. She had been so cool and collected and when she saw that she had a 10 minute hissy. But she gathered herself and moved on like any well adjusted adult would do. Love that kid. 

35 minutes ago, AngelaHunter said:

So the homeowner doesn't bother with insurance when they are renting out the place?

I’ve had nice conversations with the homeowner. He has insurance, but since he’s really not liable the insurance company would fight it. And I respect that. If my auto or home insurer failed to fight a claim against me in which the other party was liable I’d likely change carriers. Fortunately, unlike many Americans we have excellent health insurance that will cover her injuries and leave us with an affordable amount of out of pocket expense.

Edited June 23, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[AuntiePam]

My mom strained her back trying to open a window in my house.  She saw a chiropractor and filed a claim with my homeowner's insurance.  My insurance paid. 

Byrd, I wonder if it would have been different if your wife had tripped on an object left on the stairs.  ?? 

In any case, maybe that homeowner needs to put something on those stairs so they're not so tricky. 

What an awful experience!

[augmentedfourth]

A few years ago, my aunt tripped and fell in the parking lot of her church and hurt her...arm? elbow? I think? We half-joked that she should have sued, and you know some people would have, but she's been going to that church for 30 years and that might have been burning a bridge.

On the opposite side of that coin is a case I had at work where a mother was suing on behalf of her young child who got seriously injured after services at a synagogue. The head of the synagogue? Her father-in-law/the kid's grandfather. She wasn't present when he got hurt, but the kid's father was, so he had to come in and testify. The attorney made VERY, VERY CLEAR that the kid's father was NOT a party to the lawsuit and was there to testify as a non-party witness. I'm sure it was all for insurance purposes, but damn, I would have loved to be a fly on the wall at the next family gathering.

[funky-rat]

My mom tripped at a cookout at her boss's house (it was dark, they were leaving, and she didn't see that there was some decorative wooden garden border type stuff, and she caught it with her toe).  She was scraped up and bruised up pretty good.  She didn't sue.  Her boss's wife was a nurse, and she took mom inside and cleaned/bandaged her up, and insisted on paying her doctor visit copays, but the thought to sue never crossed her mind.  It was an accident, not an "on purpose" (to quote JJ).

[CrazyInAlabama]

Don't get me started on the Emotional SUpport Animal scam either.   When I stayed in an extended stay motel in town for almost two months, they had a no pet policy.    The place was packed with dogs and cats that had a 'doctor's letter' saying the owner needed the animal.   Many of the animals were not house trained, were not neutered/spayed, and there were several dog fights in the halls.   

Many motels and hotels accept those letters, and I've heard from a friend who has worked at a property manager's office, that they accept them too.    Another reason I would never be a landlord now.  A real service dog is a treasure, but a fake service dog, or ESA is ridiculous.  

 You can buy letters like that, and even service dog vests, and paperwork off the internet.    ESA letters are $25 to $30, and Service dog kits including a vest are about $50.     

Edited June 26, 2019 by CrazyInAlabama

[Byrd is the Word]

1 hour ago, AngelaHunter said:

What did people do when someone died before the advent of "GoGimme"?

I have very mixed feeling about this phenomenon.  On one hand I detest the almost shameless begging of strangers to provide the financial assistance that individuals and their family are supposed to provide.  On the other hand, in a world where $0.90 of my donation often goes to six figure executive salaries and lavish administration costs, a grass roots charitable pot that hopefully goes exactly where it's needed is occasionally a welcome alternative.  To further complicate the matter, there are endless frauds and scammers out there ready and able to steal our contributions.  The other concern is putting a large sum of money in the hands of someone who by the very existence of the GoFundMe effort has demonstrated a certain inability to be financial responsible.  But at the end of the day there are so often underage victims of these events left in the wake of the poor decisions by the adults they counted on for protection.  And regardless of who picks up the check, their care too often ends up in either the hands of others anyway.

Edited June 26, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[funky-rat]

I only do GFM if I personally know the people asking, and if I know for sure the need is legit (ie: medical bills - someone I know was severely burned, and insurance isn't covering all of his costs, and with him not working, they're unable to cover them).  I will never understand how some GFM campaigns reach tens of thousands of dollars, often for what to me are silly reasons (send someone to Disney World because another person made a rude comment at them, etc).  My husband's step-sister had ALS, lost her life insurance when her husband divorced her and couldn't get new insurance, and we couldn't bury her properly.  His other step-sister tried GFM.  She was hoping for around $3000.  She got $500.  Mostly from family members.

[funky-rat]

12 minutes ago, AngelaHunter said:

I still wouldn't do it through GFM. If my friends or family were in dire need, I would give the money personally, so they would get it all. GFM takes a chunk of it and I certainly don't want to financially support that site.

To date, I've only done it twice.  One was for my step-sister-in-law (not sure why the other SSIL set that up, but she did, and wanted all money sent there, so that's what we did).  The other was the burned person I mentioned.  He was a classmate, and I believe his wife set it up that way so classmates no longer in the area could help, and they certainly have, which is nice to see, as I went to a snotty school district, and he wasn't one of the beautiful people.  Otherwise, no, mainly for the reasons you stated, and because I don't know where the money goes in many cases.

[Florinaldo]

When you give to a GFM campaign isn't there an option to have your name in a public list of donors? Some people may like to widely display their act of generosity that way, which they do not get to do if the money is given directly. Charity is not always selfless.

I stick with charities I know have minimum overhead and operating costs, as well as can show concrete realisations stemming from the donated money.

[funky-rat]

1 minute ago, Florinaldo said:

When you give to a GFM campaign isn't there an option to have your name in a public list of donors? Some people may like to widely display their act of generosity that way, which they do not get to do if the money is given directly. Charity is not always selfless.

I stick with charities I know have minimum overhead and operating costs, as well as can show concrete realisations stemming from the donated money.

You can have a name show up that you donated (but I don't believe it has to be your real name - not 100% sure) on the campaign page, and how much you donated, or you can choose to remain anonymous.  Again, I've only done it twice, so I'm not 100% sure about the logistics.

***ETA:  I've donated 3 times.  I forgot about the campaign a friend had which was started by his sister to get him out of a nursing home in his state and in to one in the state his sister was in - she was the only relative willing to care for him after he had a sudden and devastating stroke.  The sister only wanted to cover the costs of medical transport, and nothing else.  She raised the money but he died before transport could be arranged.  She contacted the people who donated and asked if they wanted their money back, or if she should use it toward burial.  We all told her to use it toward burial.  This guy was fairly well-known in a certain fandom area, and we were all happy to help, but we're scattered all over the US.  The sad thing is that his biological father was friends with many celebrities who could have helped, but his dad was an ass who turned his back on his "first family" long ago.  He has a 2nd family now who get his attention and time.

[zillabreeze]

1 hour ago, AngelaHunter said:

I still wouldn't do it through GFM. If my friends or family were in dire need, I would give the money personally, so they would get it all. GFM takes a chunk of it and I certainly don't want to financially support that site.

In my local construction population, the Latinos start passing an envelope right away when someone has a death/illness.  It stays on the job till payday then heads to the family.  

I'm perfectly good with this method.

[SRTouch]

On 6/25/2019 at 6:38 PM, CrazyInAlabama said:

Don't get me started on the Emotional SUpport Animal scam either.   When I stayed in an extended stay motel in town for almost two months, they had a no pet policy.    The place was packed with dogs and cats that had a 'doctor's letter' saying the owner needed the animal.   Many of the animals were not house trained, were not neutered/spayed, and there were several dog fights in the halls.   

Many motels and hotels accept those letters, and I've heard from a friend who has worked at a property manager's office, that they accept them too.    Another reason I would never be a landlord now.  A real service dog is a treasure, but a fake service dog, or ESA is ridiculous.  

 You can buy letters like that, and even service dog vests, and paperwork off the internet.    ESA letters are $25 to $30, and Service dog kits including a vest are about $50.     

Just ran across this on FB

[funky-rat]

12 hours ago, AngelaHunter said:

Is he an actor? Can we play Twenty Questions??

No.  He himself wasn't an actor, or famous in the conventional way.  Maybe fandom wasn't even a good term to use.  I belong to a group of people who all have a "hobby" of sorts that most people don't understand - even with a lot of explaining.  It's not anything bad or pervy in any remote way.  And like a lot of things, I am starting to no longer enjoy it because there's been a huge influx of people who just "don't get it" or do, but want to be famous, and are kind-of ruining it for me.  The internet was awesome that I found out there were people out there interested in the same obscure thing I was, but the internet is also killing it slowly.  I miss this guy in particular because he wasn't shy about telling the "wannabe's" that they were annoying.

In this circle of people, he was well known and well liked.  His father is somewhat famous (not an A list celebrity by any means, and not an actor, although he appeared in at least one movie), but he sort-of disowned this person I knew because of what I consider a stupid reason, but I'm hesitant to get in to it because he's no longer here, and didn't speak much in public about his father.  I know one of his sisters reached out to his father for help, and there was no reply.  His father is in the music business, but again, not top level (but known and respected among his peers).  And I'm hesitant to say any more - sorry that I kind-of made matters worse in my cryptic-ness.

The guy I knew was having health issues and we urged him to get to the doctor, but it came on so fast that he never made it to the doctor before he had a stroke, which eventually took him from us.  😔

[DutchbutnoJesse]

As I am not familiar with the USA bailout system maybe someone can me help to understand something? 🙂

There are a lot of cases where someone paid the bail for someone else and sue them to get the bail money back.

But isn't it like that you get the money back in case he showed up at court and all hearings. 

So maybe in these Judge Judy cases, the person on bail didnt show up and that is why the friend wants the money, or could it be that the bail pay back is done to the person who is charged indifferent who paid?

Thanks a lot!

[funky-rat]

2 hours ago, DutchbutnoJesse said:

As I am not familiar with the USA bailout system maybe someone can me help to understand something? 🙂

There are a lot of cases where someone paid the bail for someone else and sue them to get the bail money back.

But isn't it like that you get the money back in case he showed up at court and all hearings. 

So maybe in these Judge Judy cases, the person on bail didnt show up and that is why the friend wants the money, or could it be that the bail pay back is done to the person who is charged indifferent who paid?

Thanks a lot!

I only have one brush with the bail system.  My mom bailed her youngest brother out when I was in middle school.  He did something petty, and got busted, but it wasn't his first time getting busted for something petty.  He was instructed to not leave the area.  He did anyway.  My mom lost the money she put up.  I THINK that if the person who was arrested did all of their appearances and whatnot, the person bailing them out got their money back, but I'm not 100% sure how it works.  He was "AWOL" for several years.  They finally caught him and brought him back to this area (he was in California or Arizona - can't recall anymore - posing as a migrant worker and he fessed up so he didn't get deported with the other people he was swept up with).  I don't believe she got anything back when he was caught.

Edited June 28, 2019 by funky-rat
Continuity

[AZChristian]

2 hours ago, DutchbutnoJesse said:

As I am not familiar with the USA bailout system maybe someone can me help to understand something? 🙂

There are a lot of cases where someone paid the bail for someone else and sue them to get the bail money back.

But isn't it like that you get the money back in case he showed up at court and all hearings. 

So maybe in these Judge Judy cases, the person on bail didnt show up and that is why the friend wants the money, or could it be that the bail pay back is done to the person who is charged indifferent who paid?

Thanks a lot!

This may answer your questions.

I think on Judge Judy, a lot of times the problem arises when the friend or family member who posts bond for someone who calls from jail and says "I'll pay you back" . . . but then the "borrower" tries to convince the judge that the money paid by their friend or family member was a gift, not a loan.

Bail is not returned by the court right away . . . but those who put up the money probably want to be repaid by the borrower right after he/she is released.  In these cases, the most-frequent promise of payment tends to be, "I'll pay you back when I get my tax refund."  Tax refunds come out usually sometime between February and May.  If you loan someone bail money in June, you may wait a l-o-n-g time to be paid back.  Like never.

[DutchbutnoJesse]

Thank you both!

[Byrd is the Word]

3 hours ago, DutchbutnoJesse said:

As I am not familiar with the USA bailout system maybe someone can me help to understand something?

I'm not familiar with the USA bailout system either and I've lived here al my life.  But I know that it's not simple and it varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.  For instance, in Illinois there are no third party bail bondsmen like I see in many other cities.  Here offenders pay bond directly to the court.  I hear all the time about bond being set at, for instance, $25,000 but you can be released by posting 10%.  If I'm not mistaken, that 10% is not refundable and is somewhat equivalent to a surety bond purchased from a bondsman.  Frankly, I hope I never become any sort of expert.

Edited June 28, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[zillabreeze]

30 minutes ago, Byrd is the Word said:

If I'm not mistaken, that 10% is not refundable and is somewhat equivalent to a surety bond purchased from a bondsman.  Frankly, I hope I never become any sort of expert.

So, I "catch a case" and call Byrd is the Word to come bail me out.  Bail is $10,000.  Byrd needs to bring $1000. in cash and collateral to make up the other $9000.  (Car title, jewelry, house deed)

Then when court day comes:

"If defendant fails to appear in court: The Bail Bond is forfeited and the court requires the remaining 90% of the bail to be paid. The Bail Bondsman will use the defendant’s collateral (house, jewelry, stocks, etc) to pay the court the remaining bail amount."
 

"If a defendant does appear for court: Upon conclusion of the court case, the Bail Bond is dissolved and the collateral is returned to the person who posted it. The Bail bondsman keeps the 10% cash fee as profit."

So, either way, Byrd itW is still out at least $1,000. OR $10,000.

That's why I never accept a collect call from any jail.  Years ago, I used to get an occasional from an employee or old friend.

[Byrd is the Word]

1 hour ago, zillabreeze said:

So, either way, Byrd itW is still out at least $1,000. OR $10,000.

That's why "Dog the Bounty Hunter was a popular show for a while.  Lots of money at stake.

Edited June 28, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[AngelaHunter]

1 hour ago, zillabreeze said:

"If a defendant does appear for court: Upon conclusion of the court case, the Bail Bond is dissolved and the collateral is returned to the person who posted it. The Bail bondsman keeps the 10% cash fee as profit."

I have little understanding of bail, never having been incarcerated or even knowing anyone who has been,  but of course, the bail bondsman is in business and must make money. But he keeps the whole thing and not just 10% of the downpayment (or whatever it's called) in this case that would be 100$?

If the money is never paid back and the criminal paid it he/she have no incentive to show up in court, ever.

If someone has a 250K bail, and someone pays the 25K, the bondman would keep the whole thing? I know we've seen cases here where the person who delivered the money (but didn't pay it) got the whole amount back and were being sued for keeping it. It seems - from this show at least - that once the jailbird's case is resolved and he or she made their court appearance the amount is returned, minus I guess the BBM fee?

I'm confused.

[Byrd is the Word]

38 minutes ago, AngelaHunter said:

I have little understanding of bail, never having been incarcerated or even knowing anyone who has been,  but of course, the bail bondsman is in business and must make money. But he keeps the whole thing and not just 10% of the downpayment (or whatever it's called) in this case that would be 100$?

If the money is never paid back and the criminal paid it he/she have no incentive to show up in court, ever.

If someone has a 250K bail, and someone pays the 25K, the bondman would keep the whole thing? I know we've seen cases here where the person who delivered the money (but didn't pay it) got the whole amount back and were being sued for keeping it. It seems - from this show at least - that once the jailbird's case is resolved and he or she made their court appearance the amount is returned, minus I guess the BBM fee?

I'm confused.

I think it works like this:

I'm arrested for slapping the shit out of some dumb as hell litigant. My bail is set at $20,000. Because she loves me, my wife goes to a bail bondsman and purchases a non refundable surety bond for (I’m guessing) $2000. The bail bondsman pays the court $20,000 and I’m released. Provided I show up as promised, when the case is adjudicated the bail bondsman gets his $20,000 back. He’s made $2,000 off the sale of the bond and everybody lives happily ever after. If I don’t appear and skip bail he then has a $20,000 incentive to find me or pay Dog the Bounty Hunter to find me and make me appear in order to get his $20,000 back from the court.

Edited June 28, 2019 by Byrd is the Word

[funky-rat]

54 minutes ago, Byrd is the Word said:

I think it works like this:

I'm arrested for slapping the shit out of some dumb as hell litigant. My bail is set at $20,000. Because she loves me, my wife goes to a bail bondsman and purchases a non refundable surety bond for (I’m guessing) $2000. The bail bondsman pays the court $20,000 and I’m released. Provided I show up as promised, when the case is adjudicated the bail bondsman gets his $20,000 back. He’s made $2,000 off the sale of the bond and everybody lives happily ever after. If I don’t appear and skip bail he then has a $20,000 incentive to find me or pay Dog the Bounty Hunter to find me and make me appear in order to get his $20,000 back from the court.

I didn't think they kept the full $2000, but they charged fees they were allowed to keep.  I think.  And I'm sure it varies from state to state.  It's all very confusing, and I'm glad that I don't know how it works, in some ways.

I liked Dog and Beth.  Sad that she's gone.  😔