S17.E20: Decision Day Round One

[LennieBriscoe]

18 minutes ago, Gator Stud said:

I think you are right about this.  She's not on coke. Believe it or not, even if she does have a drinking problem and she is the one-night stand Qween, I dont think this makes her a bad person.

Only to her own self-esteem.

BTW, I wasn't  suggesting that Emily uses coke. I only meant for those who were hinting at it to speak plainly!

[Chatty Cake]

8 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

What?

Becca has a real job - she is a photographer. She has other photographers that work for her. It's not a conventional work schedule but it is a real job and not a particularly easy one at that. They haul a ton of gear, have to market themselves constantly, book events, shoot the events while hauling a bunch of gear and dealing with all sorts of people, then edit the photos and deliver them. 

It's fine to not like Becca but we have no reason to think she is a) unemployed and b) lazy. 

While I know that photography is hard work for most, I don’t see Becca as a hard worker. First off, based on her therapy speak alone, she probably constantly needs a “safe space” to work. She strikes me as the type that would bail a lot and let the other photographers do the work because she was having some sort of anxiety episode. 
 

I’m guessing their whole saying yes was for the cameras. I can’t imagine not going out with the spouse you said yes to on decision day. Is Austin a big drinker and Becca isn’t? That right there might be too much to overcome. She seems like a nag and he seems like a slacker. 
 

[Retired at last]

I must have missed the part where Becca told Austin that she wanted to be alone that night, because, to me, that was the final straw. If they couldn't come home from their emotional Decision Day and be a couple together, it would never work. I think the producers talked them into agreeing to stay together so they would have ONE couple be successful.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

While I know that photography is hard work for most, I don’t see Becca as a hard worker. First off, based on her therapy speak alone, she probably constantly needs a “safe space” to work. She strikes me as the type that would bail a lot and let the other photographers do the work because she was having some sort of anxiety episode. 

I don't see any evidence of that at all. She has anxiety. A lot of people do and still manage to have healthy, productive professional lives. I heard Becca talking about wanting her home and marriage to be safe spaces for her (the gall! I mean, who doesn't want their home and partner to be safe). But I don't remember anything that suggested that Becca can't or doesn't function at work or that she has to bail on professional obligations because of her anxiety. I don't remember ever hearing her say that work has to be "safe" though again, who wouldn't want their work space to be safe?

Like I said, it's fine to dislike Becca but at least base it on something we have seen and not just pure speculation about what her professional life is like. Aside from Cameron (whose job is really cool) we really didn't see any of them at work - which is fine because it doesn't have much to do with the show. 

[ChiBurbsMama]

On 3/6/2024 at 10:10 PM, ECM1231 said:

Have we ever had a "1 day past Decision Day"  gathering that was so cantankerous? Good heavens! 

It was a mess. It felt like high school and — contrary to most prevailing opinions — I felt the females, in particular, were immature and handled the whole thing poorly. Group attack & too much involvement in everyone else’s ish. Clare was the worst, but no one came off well at all. The word “harpies” came to mind. 

Edited March 12 by ChiBurbsMama

[Yeah No]

2 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

While I know that photography is hard work for most, I don’t see Becca as a hard worker. First off, based on her therapy speak alone, she probably constantly needs a “safe space” to work. She strikes me as the type that would bail a lot and let the other photographers do the work because she was having some sort of anxiety episode. 

I agree with @Elizzikra, plus you can't take the latest pop schlock therapy buzzwords too literally either.   They're probably being egged on by pretentious Clare who wants to show everyone what a great "therapist" she is by flashing the latest lingo around to impress everyone.  I think I can spot that having an MS in Counseling Psychology from a major university myself and having seen it before, especially on YouTube, but I digress. 

Becca's obviously just been through a traumatic experience on this show with a guy that's been hot and cold and confusing the crap out of her.  He's confused and confounded all of us too, and made us think he might be a phony.  So I wouldn't blame anyone in that situation if they looked vulnerable and not able to handle life and needed a "safe space" to decompress from all of that.  I probably would need that too and I'm a jaded, crusty old New Yorker, LOL.

If she truly is the owner of that business I'm sure she can delegate when necessary (like when she spent so much time doing this show) but a lot of the major decisions and details necessarily fall on the shoulders of the business owner at all times and they just can't be handled by anyone else.  There's a lot more to a photography business than just photography and the photographers are usually not equipped to do the job of a manager/owner.  My husband owned his own limo. business for several years and he could never let the drivers that worked for him handle the business end of things.  I think it's easy to jump to conclusions without seeing things in context, but as is usually the case context is everything.

[ChiBurbsMama]

On 3/7/2024 at 11:11 PM, Hip-to-be-Square said:

I also can't understand what these MAFS Denver cast members say- they talk in circles or use therapy speak and they say "like" every other word- it's really annoying to hear them every week.

100% to this!!! 👏

[ChiBurbsMama]

On 3/8/2024 at 7:17 AM, JenE4 said:

My favorite part of the episode was when Brennan was saying a lot of words (at least one-quarter of which was “protect you”) that didn’t actually mean anything

And another 50% was the work LIKE — so annoying 

[Chatty Cake]

9 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I don't see any evidence of that at all. She has anxiety. A lot of people do and still manage to have healthy, productive professional lives. I heard Becca talking about wanting her home and marriage to be safe spaces for her (the gall! I mean, who doesn't want their home and partner to be safe). But I don't remember anything that suggested that Becca can't or doesn't function at work or that she has to bail on professional obligations because of her anxiety. I don't remember ever hearing her say that work has to be "safe" though again, who wouldn't want their work space to be safe?

Like I said, it's fine to dislike Becca but at least base it on something we have seen and not just pure speculation about what her professional life is like. Aside from Cameron (whose job is really cool) we really didn't see any of them at work - which is fine because it doesn't have much to do with the show. 

Some people you can just tell there’s a lot of excuses made in their life. I’ve worked with some Becca types. The drama comes in waves. I can’t be 100% sure but I sense lots of excuses in her life as a whole. The fact that she endured this Austin for the entire season when he was giving her nothing to go on except an occasional empty promise shows she’s not a strong person nor a good judge of what’s good for her mental health . She enjoys playing the anxiety card.

7 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I agree with @Elizzikra, plus you can't take the latest pop schlock therapy buzzwords too literally either.   They're probably being egged on by pretentious Clare who wants to show everyone what a great "therapist" she is by flashing the latest lingo around to impress everyone.  I think I can spot that having an MS in Counseling Psychology from a major university myself and having seen it before, especially on YouTube, but I digress. 

Becca's obviously just been through a traumatic experience on this show with a guy that's been hot and cold and confusing the crap out of her.  He's confused and confounded all of us too, and made us think he might be a phony.  So I wouldn't blame anyone in that situation if they looked vulnerable and not able to handle life and needed a "safe space" to decompress from all of that.  I probably would need that too and I'm a jaded, crusty old New Yorker, LOL.

If she truly is the owner of that business I'm sure she can delegate when necessary (like when she spent so much time doing this show) but a lot of the major decisions and details necessarily fall on the shoulders of the business owner at all times and they just can't be handled by anyone else.  There's a lot more to a photography business than just photography and the photographers are usually not equipped to do the job of a manager/owner.  My husband owned his own limo. business for several years and he could never let the drivers that worked for him handle the business end of things.  I think it's easy to jump to conclusions without seeing things in context, but as is usually the case context is everything.

She was way too comfortable using all the therapy speak to just be coached by Claire. She lives her life with that crap.

I understand your defending photographers but I suspect Becca’s photography is more hobby like and she made more of it for the show. There’s no way that sack of crybaby is out hustling daily.

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, Chatty Cake said:

Some people you can just tell there’s a lot of excuses made in their life. I’ve worked with some Becca types. The drama comes in waves. I can’t be 100% sure but I sense lots of excuses in her life as a whole. The fact that she endured this Austin for the entire season when he was giving her nothing to go on except an occasional empty promise shows she’s not a strong person nor a good judge of what’s good for her mental health . She enjoys playing the anxiety card.

She was way too comfortable using all the therapy speak to just be coached by Claire. She lives her life with that crap.

I understand your defending photographers but I suspect Becca’s photography is more hobby like and she made more of it for the show. There’s no way that sack of crybaby is out hustling daily.

I don't make judgments like that about people when under what may be for them very atypical stressful circumstances.  Anyone in their worst moments can seem unable to cope with life.  I've seen a lot of people going through trauma and crisis that otherwise are fine at handling life look like complete messes.  Austin triggered Becca's issues to the max for sure, but that's not where she lives 24/7, I am sure of that.  If you saw me in my absolute worst moments you might think the same of me and I can assure you that's not where I live most of the time.  And nothing about Becca here made me think she actually enjoys this kind of drama.  I've known people like that too and she does not strike me that way at all.

As to her photography business, here's her website.  It also profiles her employees:

https://rebeccahaleyphotography.com/

That and her Instagram page have hundreds of beautiful wedding photos on them and her business was listed in "Best of Weddings 2022" so it's obviously legit and far more than just a hobby.

As to the psychobabble the women were using, to someone like me it seemed a little amateurish so I don't see it as evidence of them knowing much more than the most surface concepts.  On Becca's website she says she studied "Educational Psychology" in college so some of what you're seeing may be coming from her general focus in life.

 

Edited March 12 by Yeah No

[Chatty Cake]

41 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I don't make judgments like that about people when under what may be for them very atypical stressful circumstances.  Anyone in their worst moments can seem unable to cope with life.  I've seen a lot of people going through trauma and crisis that otherwise are fine at handling life look like complete messes.  Austin triggered Becca's issues to the max for sure, but that's not where she lives 24/7, I am sure of that.  If you saw me in my absolute worst moments you might think the same of me and I can assure you that's not where I live most of the time.  And nothing about Becca here made me think she actually enjoys this kind of drama.  I've known people like that too and she does not strike me that way at all.

As to her photography business, here's her website.  It also profiles her employees, so it looks like more than just a hobby:

https://rebeccahaleyphotography.com/

As to the psychobabble the women were using, to someone like me it seemed a little amateurish so I don't see it as evidence of them knowing anything except the most surface concepts.  On Becca's website she says she studied "Educational Psychology" in college so some of what you're seeing may be coming from her general focus in life.

 

The website is so so. We can debate lazy Becca all day but I don’t see me changing my impression of her. The fact remains this season sucked. The ladies had no self esteem and the guys were smug jerks. What was sad was that other than Claire and Cameron, the ball was completely in the guys court. From the previews it even looks like acne ridden  Michael has the upper hand. This season was bottom of the barrel. 

[Yeah No]

1 minute ago, Chatty Cake said:

The website is so so. We can debate lazy Becca all day but I don’t see me changing my impression of her. The fact remains this season sucked. The ladies had no self esteem and the guys were smug jerks. What was sad was that other than Claire and Cameron, the ball was completely in the guys court. From the previews it even looks like acne ridden  Michael has the upper hand. This season was bottom of the barrel. 

My wedding photographer husband was very impressed with Becca and her team's work when he looked at her website and I've already mentioned that he worked in that business for 25 years so I trust his judgment as well as my own.  YMMV.

I agree with you about the guys and the season in general, though.

[ByTor]

2 hours ago, Yeah No said:

https://rebeccahaleyphotography.com/

That and her Instagram page have hundreds of beautiful wedding photos on them and her business was listed in "Best of Weddings 2022"

Geez, is this what wedding photography costs now? Yikes, I'll just use my iPhone, thank you very much!

[seacliffsal]

Thanks for posting Becca's website-I thought the photos looked lovely.  And, the smiling, relaxed Rebecca in her photo on the website is the one I wish we had during this season-she never seemed just happy and relaxed and I wish she had.

I don't think any of the participants were truly comfortable throughout this season.  I wonder if there was more going on behind the scenes or with production that helped set them on edge.  Whatever the story is about this season, it just led to a not-enjoyable season.  Yet, here I sat and I kept watching it.  Maybe I was hoping it would get better?  

I think they should start a season by bringing in the parents of the applicants and have the parents decide the matches.  That way at least someone would be thinking about the pairings in a way that would not be based solely on potential drama.  And, after all, that would be closer to how traditional matches had been made.  I don't see how it could be worse than this 'process' with these 'experts.'

[Elizzikra]

4 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

The fact that she endured this Austin for the entire season when he was giving her nothing to go on except an occasional empty promise shows she’s not a strong person nor a good judge of what’s good for her mental health .

I very much dislike it when the cast leaves before Decision-Day. I give anyone who stayed a lot of credit for sticking to the original agreement and participating in the “experiment” as designed- even though that forces me to give credit to participants I otherwise dislike, such as Brennan. I hated the “early decision days” for this season’s couples. The only time I was happy for it was when Chris dumped “I’m a good fucking person” Alyssa (“my friends call me ACE”) in Boston. 

1 hour ago, ByTor said:

Geez, is this what wedding photography costs now? Yikes, I'll just use my iPhone, thank you very much!

I didn’t see her price list but I got married seven years ago and the photographers were really expensive (as was everything else). We found an excellent one and I love having the photos though, so I’m happy we did what we did.

Remember that most photographers can only shoot one wedding a day (and sometimes one wedding a weekend if you have them there for all the other events besides the actual wedding itself). So part of what you are paying for is the fact that they can’t work multiple gigs on the same day.

[Hip-to-be-Square]

4 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

The website is so so. We can debate lazy Becca all day but I don’t see me changing my impression of her. The fact remains this season sucked. The ladies had no self esteem and the guys were smug jerks. What was sad was that other than Claire and Cameron, the ball was completely in the guys court. From the previews it even looks like acne ridden  Michael has the upper hand. This season was bottom of the barrel. 

That's what I hate the most in watching this show 😖- there's so much pathetic desperation and zero self-esteem and the ball is always put in the guy's court no matter how much of an unremarkable, evasive, dime a dozen ass hole he is! These girls looked radiant on their wedding days and then they devolve into crying piles of leggings and oversized hoodies permanently attached to blankets and couches begging for answers and explanations- make your own answers!  Who cares about the paycheck or the contract- run!  Arranged marriages on this show and in real life are bullshit, archaic practices. 

Edited March 12 by Hip-to-be-Square

[Chatty Cake]

7 hours ago, Yeah No said:

My wedding photographer husband was very impressed with Becca and her team's work when he looked at her website and I've already mentioned that he worked in that business for 25 years so I trust his judgment as well as my own.  YMMV.

I agree with you about the guys and the season in general, though.

I suspect she embellished things and had some prepping her website up for the show. She does look nice in her photo. Whatever filter she used looked very natural and no sign of the acne. She also looks happier. However, I doubt she’s going to get a lot of business after being a loser in her own wedding show and all the crying and moping. 
 

 

4 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I very much dislike it when the cast leaves before Decision-Day. I give anyone who stayed a lot of credit for sticking to the original agreement and participating in the “experiment” as designed- even though that forces me to give credit to participants I otherwise dislike, such as Brennan. I hated the “early decision days” for this season’s couples. The only time I was happy for it was when Chris dumped “I’m a good fucking person” Alyssa (“my friends call me ACE”) in Boston. 

I didn’t see her price list but I got married seven years ago and the photographers were really expensive (as was everything else). We found an excellent one and I love having the photos though, so I’m happy we did what we did.

Remember that most photographers can only shoot one wedding a day (and sometimes one wedding a weekend if you have them there for all the other events besides the actual wedding itself). So part of what you are paying for is the fact that they can’t work multiple gigs on the same day.

I don’t think she needed to leave before decision day but she didn’t have to admit to being so horny and desperate for Austin. She should have been a little reserved and let him chase her. If he doesn’t chase then it’s okay to leave early. 
 

I’m sure Lazy Becca inflated her prices based on her spot on the show thinking her groom and the audience would love her. 

3 hours ago, Hip-to-be-Square said:

That's what I hate the most in watching this show 😖- there's so much pathetic desperation and zero self-esteem and the ball is always put in the guy's court no matter how much of an unremarkable, evasive, dime a dozen ass hole he is! These girls looked radiant on their wedding days and then they devolve into crying piles of leggings and oversized hoodies permanently attached to blankets and couches begging for answers and explanations- make your own answers!  Who cares about the paycheck or the contract- run!  Arranged marriages on this show and in real life are bullshit, archaic practices. 

The men seem to get weaker each season yet still aren’t grateful for the woman who are unashamedly horny for them. I think the last couple I enjoyed watching was Woody and Amani. 

[Maximadc]

I agree that the boys and the girls in this show are not in the same League; however, we should remember that these guys are also placed in unusual and stressful situations and have the right to feel overwhelmed, stressed out, and judged. 
I don't know if anybody else noticed how little screen time the men had compared to the crying girls. I wanted to hear more from their perspective and understand their feelings and thoughts.
For example I see a lot of hate towards Brennan, but I saw him cleaning dishes, mopping floor and taking care of Emily, but I don't recall any of those actions from Emily during this season. But I remember Emily was gulping in ten shots straight when even Brennan had to stop after a few. She was horrible during Aftershows and was really negative toward everyone including Michael. She shocked me when she asked Austin ‘why wouldn’t you just sleep with her’ which tells me that sex is simply physical action for her. 
I am not taking anyone's side but trying to see both points of view.

Edited March 12 by Maximadc
Typo

[Elizzikra]

Quote

 I saw him cleaning dishes, mopping floor and taking care of Emily, but I don't recall any of those actions from Emily during this season.

In fairness, Brennan wouldn't have anything to mop or wash with if Emily hadn't remembered to bring cleaning supplies :)

Honestly, I didn't like either one of them and I thought they were a terrible match. I think they are both really negative and possibly mean-spirited people. I'm hoping they brought out the worst in each other because I'd hate to think that what we saw was anything but their worst.

Quote

Arranged marriages on this show and in real life are bullshit, archaic practices. 

But participants do go into it (or at least, become aware of it) before signing on the dotted line.

As I got older and found it harder to meet a potential mate, I could really understand the appeal of arranged marriages. I would never want one but there is, I think, something to be said for someone or something pushing a person to look beyond just the surface and really looking at a person for what kind of spouse they will be in the long term. I had a friend who is Indian and she knew since her teen years (maybe earlier but that's when I met her) that her parents would arrange her marriage. She was fine with it because she said that she knew her parents would choose someone who would share her values and treat her well, plus they would not push her to marry someone she didn't want to marry. She did have a chance to get to know her potential spouse and now they have been married over 20 years. He has, by all accounts, been an excellent husband to her and they have had more than their fair share of challenges. So I'm not advocating arranged marriage for everyone but I do think in very specific circumstances, something akin to really targeted matchmaking has its benefits.

[Retired at last]

Comparing the males and females on this show is a bit different, because I believe that many, if not all, of the men have been recruited to be on the show. I think they have an easier time getting desperate women to apply, but they have to go hunting for men.

[Yeah No]

17 hours ago, ByTor said:

Geez, is this what wedding photography costs now? Yikes, I'll just use my iPhone, thank you very much!

Wow, I took a look - that is a lot of money, but I guess when you cater to the  rich and beautiful crowd that she photographs you can name your price.  I noticed that in the package with her as the main photographer a second shooter was an option.  I sometimes used to function as a second shooter with my husband when he was a wedding photographer.  It's more commonly done at high end, expensive weddings.  I'd hold and arrange lighting equipment, take incidental photos of the guests during the reception and pass him other cameras used for different purposes.  I think that also jacks up the price as normally that second shooter would also have to be paid.

Also everything has gotten a lot more expensive lately thanks to the rapid inflation we've had, which really sucks and is giving me sticker shock with just about everything.  Running a business like that is also very expensive.

[Yeah No]

7 hours ago, Retired at last said:

Comparing the males and females on this show is a bit different, because I believe that many, if not all, of the men have been recruited to be on the show. I think they have an easier time getting desperate women to apply, but they have to go hunting for men.

I don't get that because when they used to show us the people applying to be on the show there were always a lot of men represented and I can't believe that most of them were recruited.   It just floors me that even with going out and finding supposedly suitable men that this is the best they can do.  I'd even be more forgiving if the men weren't recruited because then I'd figure they were doing the best they could with what they had.  But knowing this only makes it worse because they didn't have to accept guys that were that unsuitable to be on the show.  I refuse to believe that this is the best they can do or even close.  It can't possibly be so much harder for women to find a suitable mate that they have to scrape the bottom of the barrel like this.  It was never easy even in my time but I didn't have the benefit of the technology that they have now and I had much greater geographic limitations on where I could find a guy because of that disadvantage too.

On top of that even on this show there have been decent guys that were matched up with loser women, like Chris from the Boston season.  So if decent guys were that scarce, why did they have to go and match one with a wacko?  They don't even really care if they make decent matches anymore, that's my take on it.  They're doing it for drama and train wrecks.

[Chatty Cake]

12 hours ago, Retired at last said:

Comparing the males and females on this show is a bit different, because I believe that many, if not all, of the men have been recruited to be on the show. I think they have an easier time getting desperate women to apply, but they have to go hunting for men.

That makes sense because none of the men seemed into their marriages. At first I thought Michael was but now I think he’s just a weirdo that wanted to be on tv and is neither talented nor handsome so he wasn’t able to get into acting the regular way. 
 

 

5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Wow, I took a look - that is a lot of money, but I guess when you cater to the  rich and beautiful crowd that she photographs you can name your price.  I noticed that in the package with her as the main photographer a second shooter was an option.  I sometimes used to function as a second shooter with my husband when he was a wedding photographer.  It's more commonly done at high end, expensive weddings.  I'd hold and arrange lighting equipment, take incidental photos of the guests during the reception and pass him other cameras used for different purposes.  I think that also jacks up the price as normally that second shooter would also have to be paid.

Also everything has gotten a lot more expensive lately thanks to the rapid inflation we've had, which really sucks and is giving me sticker shock with just about everything.  Running a business like that is also very expensive.

I would not want to spend big bucks on a photographer that was a sniveling mess for most of the season.  Also having a photographer with a publicly failed marriage on the show would be bad luck for brides that are liked by their fiancés/ husbands.

[Yeah No]

31 minutes ago, Chatty Cake said:

I would not want to spend big bucks on a photographer that was a sniveling mess for most of the season.  Also having a photographer with a publicly failed marriage on the show would be bad luck for brides that are liked by their fiancés/ husbands.

I personally wouldn't care.  The quality of her work speaks for itself.  Besides, most young people know these reality shows don't have much "reality" in them anyway and aren't superstitious about stuff like that. 

[Elizzikra]

3 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

That makes sense because none of the men seemed into their marriages. At first I thought Michael was but now I think he’s just a weirdo that wanted to be on tv and is neither talented nor handsome so he wasn’t able to get into acting the regular way. 
 

 

I would not want to spend big bucks on a photographer that was a sniveling mess for most of the season.  Also having a photographer with a publicly failed marriage on the show would be bad luck for brides that are liked by their fiancés/ husbands.

I asked a lot of questions of potential wedding photographers before hiring one. None involved their relationship status.

[Chatty Cake]

9 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I asked a lot of questions of potential wedding photographers before hiring one. None involved their relationship status.

In a normal situation of course the photographers relationship status wouldn’t matter. In this case Becca was constantly whining and crying and laying around. I’d be afraid she wouldn’t show for my event if she had a crisis.

[Gator Stud]

On 3/12/2024 at 4:35 AM, Chatty Cake said:

The website is so so. We can debate lazy Becca all day but I don’t see me changing my impression of her. The fact remains this season sucked. The ladies had no self esteem and the guys were smug jerks. What was sad was that other than Claire and Cameron, the ball was completely in the guys court. From the previews it even looks like acne ridden  Michael has the upper hand. This season was bottom of the barrel. 

She has two normal looking women who work for her. And she, herself looks normal, not scattered.  She should have presented to Austin this way.

[Yeah No]

8 hours ago, Gator Stud said:

She has two normal looking women who work for her. And she, herself looks normal, not scattered.  She should have presented to Austin this way.

When someone is not valuing you it can make you doubt yourself and not present your best self to them or the world.  I think that's pretty much generally true for a lot of people.