Chit-Chat: What's On Your Mind Today?

[shapeshifter]

19 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Not everyone I don't want to spend my life with is a jerk.  In fact, most aren't jerks at all; they just didn't align with what I wanted in a relationship. 

Yes. For example: In my 50s there was a guy down the block who used to leave peonies from his garden in my mailbox while I was at work. He'd suggested we get coffee once, but I came up with an excuse. He was perfectly nice, single, employed, an owner of a modest home in the lower-valued area of a tawny neighborhood where I rented for 19 years to be close to my job. But he also had 2 large dogs and bad teeth, and by that time I really just liked being alone after work. And the peonies were always infested with ants, as peonies are.

[bluegirl147]

12 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

I was told that I was too fussy, too picky. Yeah, I was & I endured lonely years. But I'm glad I didn't settle. 

Where I live men are mostly the antithesis of what I look for in a man.  They have vastly different interests and different beliefs regarding most things.  When I did online dating the men were almost all from a neighboring state closer to a bigger metropolitan area.  My own mother would tell me I was being too picky.  I would tell her the men around here are not what I want and she would say then you should change what you want.  By that point I had an adult son and had been married already (my husband had died a year earlier) and was not looking to find another husband so no I was not going to settle for someone just because he lived in my zip code.  I wonder how many men are told to settle.  I find it insulting women are told to settle.  It's basically telling her she doesn't deserve to get what she wants.

 

 

[shapeshifter]

On 5/5/2024 at 5:04 PM, StatisticalOutlier said:

My dad was one of the World War II soldiers who were transported on the Queen Mary.  The only thing he ever told me about it was recalling the vomit coursing down the stairs.  He blamed the mutton.

22 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Ohhhhh, that is a cool story about your Dad!  I get it but the QM 2 is supposed to have much better, more modern stabilizers than older ships.  At least that's what I'm told and I'm going with that for now, LOL. And thankfully I have seen no mutton on any of their menus!

BTW, my FIL immigrated to the US from Ireland in 1951 aboard the RMS Mauretania.  I don't know any stories about that trip.  Maybe my husband does.

These posts brought to mind a letter from my grandmother when we briefly corresponded after the birth of my first daughter in 1979. She recounted coming from Europe to Ellis Island on a ship with no diapers. 

Having changed a 3-month-old's diaper of poop soup last weekend, I was further motivated to look up the age of my grandmother's babies (my father's older sisters) at the time of their crossing the Atlantic Ocean on a ship that left from France to Ellis Island ("without diapers").

The older daughter was "age 3," but the baby was born "18 Sep 1921, Romania," and they arrived "6 May 1922," so Aunt Shirley was just 7½ months old when they officially immigrated at Ellis Island.
I wonder how long their trip was.
Regardless, that's a lot of poop soup.
I need to find that letter again, because I'm imagining my grandmother holding my infant aunt over the side of the boat, but likely that was not what she wrote. 
They would've likely been in "steerage," I guess??

More interesting:
I just learned from this detailed Family Tree online that my uncle (baby Shirley's husband) who I only knew as an "optician" who sold eyeglass frames, was: 
"occ. 1941: Manhattan Project-Post-War: Optometrist"

It's the first family tree I've seen that lists my own employment correctly, so, I am inclined to believe it's true. 
My family has a history of avoiding carrying deadly weapons, so perhaps my uncle was not proud of his work on the Manhattan Project?

[Yeah No]

46 minutes ago, bluegirl147 said:

My own mother would tell me I was being too picky.  I would tell her the men around here are not what I want and she would say then you should change what you want.  By that point I had an adult son and had been married already (my husband had died a year earlier) and was not looking to find another husband so no I was not going to settle for someone just because he lived in my zip code.  I wonder how many men are told to settle.  I find it insulting women are told to settle.  It's basically telling her she doesn't deserve to get what she wants.

Thank you, you nailed it!  Coming from the Bronx with the City in the bad old days of the 70s and 80s before the influx of transplants that took place in the 90s onward prospects were grim and I will not argue about that because I don't think most people could possibly understand what I was up against 40-50 years ago in NYC.  And it wasn't just about not having the same interests or values.  A lot of the guys that were available were "jerks", "creeps" or even worse.  I couldn't win for losing.  Most of the decent guys were from the suburbs but I didn't have access to the suburbs when I was young.  It was just luck that I happened to meet my husband.  He was a one in a zillion!  He was a friend of my best friend's boyfriend (who BTW turned out to be a really big jerk) but he knew my husband from the Boy Scouts onward and I literally met my husband in front of a church, LOL.  I've never known any man I shared more in common with in my life.

Note that the problem was definitely my time and place.  NY was a very different place in the 1950s and 60s and it was probably much easier for someone like me to meet someone.  During the '70s and '80s it had gone downhill again in many respects (crack epidemic for one) and people moving to the suburbs in droves.  It continually cycles between a lovely and a dicey, dangerous place.  Transplants move in and move out.  Right now NY is not as nice as it was according to pretty much all my friends that live there and my husband, who is there at least once or twice a week.  It is not the place it was when "Sex and the City" was a thing.  So that's why I sympathize with @oliviabenson.  I will not ever tell any woman she should compromise unless I think her standards are unreasonably high and I really don't think that's the case here at all.

Edited May 7 by Yeah No

[annzeepark914]

My cousins lived in Edenwald, which I think is the section closest to Mt. Vernon (for some reason I remember them saying Mt Vernon was across the street that ran in back of their house). That was in the 50's/60's & then they moved away. I remember hearing stories about the South Bronx, a place nicknamed (maybe by the police), "Fort Apache". Sounds like the Bronx is still a dicey place.

[Yeah No]

7 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

My cousins lived in Edenwald, which I think is the section closest to Mt. Vernon (for some reason I remember them saying Mt Vernon was across the street that ran in back of their house). That was in the 50's/60's & then they moved away. I remember hearing stories about the South Bronx, a place nicknamed (maybe by the police), "Fort Apache". Sounds like the Bronx is still a dicey place.

Oh the South Bronx is much less dicey than it was back then but the city as a whole has gotten less nice since the 90s and 00s in general.  In fact there are positive signs of redevelopment in the South Bronx.  As the city got insanely expensive transplants were looking for luxury apartments in neighborhoods they could afford and since Brooklyn and Queens have gone way up now the Bronx is finally seeing redevelopment.  Even my father's neighborhood in the Northwest Bronx has seen new luxury buildings go up all over the place.  I was wondering when that was finally going to happen.  The Bronx had such a bad image for so long that transplants were afraid to move there.

[EtheltoTillie]

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

. And the peonies were always infested with ants, as peonies are.

Wait--what!?  I've never had that experience.  Cut flowers or in the garden?  I love peonies. 

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

. And the peonies were always infested with ants, as peonies are.

Wait--what!?  I've never had that experience.  Cut flowers or in the garden?  I love peonies. 

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

. And the peonies were always infested with ants, as peonies are.

Wait--what!?  I've never had that experience.  Cut flowers or in the garden?  I love peonies. 

[ECM1231]

I have one tiny peony bush in the very front of my house. I'll have to check for ants when it blooms. I'm not much of a gardener and have never cut down any blooms. They're a gorgeous flower, though.

I was a late bloomer and didn't really date in high school. Immediately after graduation I met my first serious boyfriend through my mom, in a way. My mom met the mother of this guy at the hairdresser's, and they got to talking and shared photos of their children. They determined that we should meet. He was a year ahead of me and so had graduated the year before from a neighboring school. A bigger coincidence is that his younger sister was in my sister's grade, and they were friends of sorts. I didn't know her, though.

Long story short....we met, and it was love (lust?) at 1st sight. We dated all through college. I attended school upstate, and he was working and not attending college. We got engaged over Christmas break my junior year, had an engagement party in January, booked a venue for the following April and broke up by end of May. Shortest engagement ever. LOL It never would have worked, b/c in hindsight he was such a momma's boy, and he wasn't too happy about my plans to attend graduate school, which I had to do if I wanted to teach. 

Since I didn't really casually date, and went from not dating in h.s., to being in a serious relationship right away and getting engaged, I really struggled afterwards b/c I didn't want to just casually date guys. I was only 20 years old, so it may have seemed premature to want to settle down, but I was ready.

I didn't meet my spouse until 5 years later and we met in a bar. Well, a bit fancier than a bar. This was early 80s and there was a dress code. You could only wear designer jeans, and not regular old Levi's. 🤣 Neither of us are what you'd call "drinkers', and he didn't dance. After we met, we never went to another bar again. We married after 10 months, and it's been 41 years now. 

[peacheslatour]

25 minutes ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Wait--what!?  I've never had that experience.  Cut flowers or in the garden?  I love peonies. 

Wait--what!?  I've never had that experience.  Cut flowers or in the garden?  I love peonies. 

Wait--what!?  I've never had that experience.  Cut flowers or in the garden?  I love peonies. 

My peonies are visited by tiny ants every year. I've read about it and the ants feed on the nectar that peonies excrete. They also keep other more harmful insects away. There is no need for pesticides because once the nectar supply is used up, the ants go elsewhere.

[shapeshifter]

3 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

Wait--what!?  I've never had that experience.  Cut flowers or in the garden?  I love peonies. 

Oh, I love peonies too.
But yes, ants 🐜 and peonies have a symbiotic relationship — unlike me and my unsuccessful suitor who left me bouquets of ant-infested peonies every summer.

Eventually my landlord needed the apartment, so I rented another 2 miles away with its own peonies:

(2020)

Edited May 7 by shapeshifter
syntax

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 5/6/2024 at 4:27 PM, Yeah No said:

Yeah that was a "straw man argument" if I ever saw one.  Thank you, you are exactly right about that, I didn't say they were jerks. 

Can you explain how this was a straw man argument?  You said they're "all" going to be jerks until that one in a million that isn't, and when I said that wasn't my experience, you said I was lucky and gave some examples of some who weren't the one in a million for you.  Since the only choices you said were possible were "jerk" and "one in a million," it seemed they would have to be in the "jerk" category.

 

 

 

 

[Yeah No]

11 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Can you explain how this was a straw man argument?  You said they're "all" going to be jerks until that one in a million that isn't, and when I said that wasn't my experience, you said I was lucky and gave some examples of some who weren't the one in a million for you.  Since the only choices you said were possible were "jerk" and "one in a million," it seemed they would have to be in the "jerk" category.

 I was responding to someone who said she met nothing but jerks and giving her some friendly advice to expect that maybe they'll all be jerks until the right one comes along.  I myself met a lot of jerks too so I sympathized.  Most people think the right person for them is a "one in a million".  These are figures of speech, expressions.  That's it, nothing more.   Just because I didn't mention gray areas in between doesn't mean I don't think they're there.  This is just friendly conversation, not a hard science.

[kristen111]

17 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

I have one tiny peony bush in the very front of my house. I'll have to check for ants when it blooms. I'm not much of a gardener and have never cut down any blooms. They're a gorgeous flower, though.

I was a late bloomer and didn't really date in high school. Immediately after graduation I met my first serious boyfriend through my mom, in a way. My mom met the mother of this guy at the hairdresser's, and they got to talking and shared photos of their children. They determined that we should meet. He was a year ahead of me and so had graduated the year before from a neighboring school. A bigger coincidence is that his younger sister was in my sister's grade, and they were friends of sorts. I didn't know her, though.

Long story short....we met, and it was love (lust?) at 1st sight. We dated all through college. I attended school upstate, and he was working and not attending college. We got engaged over Christmas break my junior year, had an engagement party in January, booked a venue for the following April and broke up by end of May. Shortest engagement ever. LOL It never would have worked, b/c in hindsight he was such a momma's boy, and he wasn't too happy about my plans to attend graduate school, which I had to do if I wanted to teach. 

Since I didn't really casually date, and went from not dating in h.s., to being in a serious relationship right away and getting engaged, I really struggled afterwards b/c I didn't want to just casually date guys. I was only 20 years old, so it may have seemed premature to want to settle down, but I was ready.

I didn't meet my spouse until 5 years later and we met in a bar. Well, a bit fancier than a bar. This was early 80s and there was a dress code. You could only wear designer jeans, and not regular old Levi's. 🤣 Neither of us are what you'd call "drinkers', and he didn't dance. After we met, we never went to another bar again. We married after 10 months, and it's been 41 years now. 

Lovely story.  Let’s have more.  I already told mine.  We met at a dance at the Electric/Gas Company, when his first words to me were “You have too much powder on your nose”, then I replied “take gas”.  Love at first sight.  I was 20, he was 24.  Married over 50 years.

 

Edited May 8 by kristen111

[kristen111]

18 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

I have one tiny peony bush in the very front of my house. I'll have to check for ants when it blooms. I'm not much of a gardener and have never cut down any blooms. They're a gorgeous flower, though.

I was a late bloomer and didn't really date in high school. Immediately after graduation I met my first serious boyfriend through my mom, in a way. My mom met the mother of this guy at the hairdresser's, and they got to talking and shared photos of their children. They determined that we should meet. He was a year ahead of me and so had graduated the year before from a neighboring school. A bigger coincidence is that his younger sister was in my sister's grade, and they were friends of sorts. I didn't know her, though.

Long story short....we met, and it was love (lust?) at 1st sight. We dated all through college. I attended school upstate, and he was working and not attending college. We got engaged over Christmas break my junior year, had an engagement party in January, booked a venue for the following April and broke up by end of May. Shortest engagement ever. LOL It never would have worked, b/c in hindsight he was such a momma's boy, and he wasn't too happy about my plans to attend graduate school, which I had to do if I wanted to teach. 

Since I didn't really casually date, and went from not dating in h.s., to being in a serious relationship right away and getting engaged, I really struggled afterwards b/c I didn't want to just casually date guys. I was only 20 years old, so it may have seemed premature to want to settle down, but I was ready.

I didn't meet my spouse until 5 years later and we met in a bar. Well, a bit fancier than a bar. This was early 80s and there was a dress code. You could only wear designer jeans, and not regular old Levi's. 🤣 Neither of us are what you'd call "drinkers', and he didn't dance. After we met, we never went to another bar again. We married after 10 months, and it's been 41 years now. 

My oldest daughter met her husband at a bar McCorleys on Sunrise Highway.  She was tired, so didn’t feel like goin out.  I coaxed her, as her girlfriend wanted to fix her up for 8 months to a friend of hers.   She went, and met her future husband there that night.  He called her the very next day, and they are married 30 yrs with 3 kids.  I love a fix-up.  You never know.   McSorleys, sorry, misspelled.  It’s still there.

Edited May 8 by kristen111

[kristen111]

On 5/7/2024 at 8:50 AM, bluegirl147 said:

Where I live men are mostly the antithesis of what I look for in a man.  They have vastly different interests and different beliefs regarding most things.  When I did online dating the men were almost all from a neighboring state closer to a bigger metropolitan area.  My own mother would tell me I was being too picky.  I would tell her the men around here are not what I want and she would say then you should change what you want.  By that point I had an adult son and had been married already (my husband had died a year earlier) and was not looking to find another husband so no I was not going to settle for someone just because he lived in my zip code.  I wonder how many men are told to settle.  I find it insulting women are told to settle.  It's basically telling her she doesn't deserve to get what she wants.

 

 

I don’t get settling.  How can a woman go with a guy they are not crazy about?  At 20 yrs old, I had gone with only four nice men.  All nice guys, but I couldn’t kiss them.  It just wasn’t there.  But, the second I met my husband, there was instant attraction.  I was smitten, but did not kiss him on the first date.  I shook his hand and thanked him.  He laughed.  My Mother left a boyfriend in Europe.  She was matched with my Father who was a good looking wonderful man.  But, she never loved my Father.  It was heartbreaking to hear.  It wasn’t fair to him.  A marriage of convenience.

[shapeshifter]

4 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

I don’t get settling.  How can a woman go with a guy they are not crazy about?

If by "go with" you mean marry, in my case: because every guy I was crazy about was always crazy about someone else.
And I had 2 kids (one was his).
So. No. It doesn't make sense.
But it happened a lot, and maybe still does.

Of the men my age in the U.S., 50K died in Vietnam and another 50K committed suicide when they returned. So I figured my prince charming was gone, and if I wanted to be married, I'd have to not be so picky.
This is probably an irrelevant statistic, but it was a common excuse at the time, and not entirely unrelated to my experiences.

[kristen111]

8 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

If by "go with" you mean marry, in my case: because every guy I was crazy about was always crazy about someone else.
And I had 2 kids (one was his).
So. No. It doesn't make sense.
But it happened a lot, and maybe still does.

Of the men my age in the U.S., 50K died in Vietnam and another 50K committed suicide when they returned. So I figured my prince charming was gone, and if I wanted to be married, I'd have to not be so picky.
This is probably an irrelevant statistic, but it was a common excuse at the time, and not entirely unrelated to my experiences.

Yeah .. in my case, in the sixties, men were coming home from the service and getting jobs.  Some were finishing college.  There was a big influx of men everywhere it seemed.  The City was hopping with singles.  So many girls I worked with met their husbands  there.

[Yeah No]

7 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

If by "go with" you mean marry, in my case: because every guy I was crazy about was always crazy about someone else.
And I had 2 kids (one was his).
So. No. It doesn't make sense.
But it happened a lot, and maybe still does.

Of the men my age in the U.S., 50K died in Vietnam and another 50K committed suicide when they returned. So I figured my prince charming was gone, and if I wanted to be married, I'd have to not be so picky.
This is probably an irrelevant statistic, but it was a common excuse at the time, and not entirely unrelated to my experiences.

Ooooohhhh, that sucks.  My husband just missed the selective service by months, something we never taken lightly.  If I were in that situation I probably would have gone younger.  My mother and grandmother did and it worked for them.  I realize that's not for everyone, though.

I always had that happen too - being into guys that didn't like me back.  I was attractive and men were generally attracted to me but it was exasperating that the ones I liked were either taken, married or not interested.  One of those guys from HS became a billionaire, LOL.  And of course there was Neil Tyson, who didn't know I was alive, LOL.  And my HS boyfriend who broke up with me because he wanted to marry a Jewish woman to please his mother became a doctor.  My luck...

But despite all that my husband is the better match for me for sure.  And in the big picture I know I am happier with him even without all that money...The thing is there are always compromises with anyone.  It's just what is most important to you that makes the difference.  Three people close to me married people they didn't have much in common with and are now miserable facing their senior years with someone they can't even talk to.  Once life slows down you have to like the person or it can be miserable.  I married my husband because he had decent values and we connected on many levels.  The other stuff wasn't as important to me.  I was looking at the long range picture back then and I'm glad I did now.

[Yeah No]

Three guys I had crushes on in HS.  Yes, the one on the right is Neil Tyson.  Taken in my Physics class, LOL.  Apologies for the bad quality - I was just learning how to use a SLR camera.  The one in the middle much later confessed he had a crush on me too but was too shy to admit it!

[peacheslatour]

2 hours ago, kristen111 said:

Lovely story.  Let’s have more.  I already told mine.  We met at a dance at the Electric/Gas Company, when his first words to me were “You have too much powder on your nose”, then I replied “take gas”.  Love at first sight.  I was 20, he was 24.  Married over 50 years.

 

You guys all know my story.

[GHScorpiosRule]

it's not the same for everyone. Some meet their perfect partner; some settle. There are other cultures-like mine-my parents' marriage was arranged. But married 56 years and are very happy together.  

I don't think it's fair to ask why does one settle or question others' experiences because it differs from their own.

[kristen111]

9 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

You guys all know my story.

@peacheslatour .. let’s hear it again.  It was so cute. 😍

[kristen111]

20 minutes ago, GHScorpiosRule said:

it's not the same for everyone. Some meet their perfect partner; some settle. There are other cultures-like mine-my parents' marriage was arranged. But married 56 years and are very happy together.  

I don't think it's fair to ask why does one settle or question others' experiences because it differs from their own.

It’s not meant to be mean.  We are just talking.  They are true stories .. not meant to hurt anyone.   Good for you.  My parents were matched and my Mother was miserable.  It’s the truth, so I’m not going to sugarcoat it.  It was what it was.

Edited May 8 by kristen111

[GHScorpiosRule]

19 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

It’s not meant to be mean.  We are just talking.  They are true stories .. not meant to hurt anyone.   Good for you.  My parents were matched and my Mother was miserable.  It’s the truth, so I’m not going to sugarcoat it.  It was what it was.

I understand that. But when you say "I don't get settling" it comes off as judging those who do; for whatever their reasons may be.  Like everyone should be able to find their perfect partner/mate, etc. 

At least, that's how it came across to me. Maybe I'm too sensitive because of my own experiences.

[GHScorpiosRule]

4 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

That is MY opinion.  If you don’t like it, don’t read it.  Please don’t take you experiences out on me.  Ridiculous.

I'm not doing that. It seems like whenever anyone disagrees with you, you take it personally. Like you've just done, telling me not to read your comments.

I think I'll just step away.

[bluegirl147]

As far as settling goes I think some people just want to be in a relationship and they take whatever opportunity presents itself.  I have a relative that has never not been in a relationship since she was 14.  She isn't that attractive and not the nicest personality and she always cheats on her husbands so I was always puzzled by her always having a man in her life until another relative said look at the men who have been in her life.  And then I realized oh yeah she was settling for those men. I would rather be alone than be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. 

[kristen111]

2 minutes ago, bluegirl147 said:

As far as settling goes I think some people just want to be in a relationship and they take whatever opportunity presents itself.  I have a relative that has never not been in a relationship since she was 14.  She isn't that attractive and not the nicest personality and she always cheats on her husbands so I was always puzzled by her always having a man in her life until another relative said look at the men who have been in her life.  And then I realized oh yeah she was settling for those men. I would rather be alone than be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. 

Yes, I meant settling like my Mother.  She settled with a man she didn’t love.  She was miserable her whole life.  Actually, I couldn’t sleep with and have sex with someone I didn’t care for.  I guess some people do.  Not saying it’s wrong, but just not for me.  I’m sure lots of times it is necessary for some people.  I would never judge, as I don’t know the situation or the people.  It’s not my business anyhow.

[shapeshifter]

38 minutes ago, GHScorpiosRule said:

But when you say "I don't get settling" it comes off as judging those who do; for whatever their reasons may be.  Like everyone should be able to find their perfect partner/mate, etc. 

At least, that's how it came across to me. Maybe I'm too sensitive because of my own experiences.

I felt the same way. 

But now I see it was coming from this place:

2 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

I meant settling like my Mother.

That hadn't occurred to me.

[bluegirl147]

1 minute ago, kristen111 said:

Yes, I meant settling like my Mother.  She settled with a man she didn’t love.  She was miserable her whole life.  Actually, I couldn’t sleep with and have sex with someone I didn’t care for.  I guess some people do.  Not saying it’s wrong, but just not for me.  I’m sure lots of times it is necessary for some people.  I would never judge, as I don’t know the situation or the people.  It’s not my business anyhow.

I think it depends on what a person wants out of the relationship. And what the other person's expectations are as well.  As I mentioned my relative cheated on every husband.  Pretty sure her husbands weren't expecting that. I wouldn't say I settled when I married my husband.  But if my son (from a previous relationship) hadn't started looking at him as a father figure I probably would not have married him. I would have been content to just keep dating him.

[Absolom]

Is everyone enjoying spring?  Our azaleas have just passed blooming, but they were gorgeous this year with all the rain.  The roses are in full bloom and smell delightful.  Hummingbirds are super busy with all the flowers.  We're going to the nearby gardens this weekend.  

[kristen111]

4 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

I felt the same way. 

But now I see it was coming from this place:

That hadn't occurred to me.

I lived it my whole life, and it ain’t pretty.  My Father was a good Man and deserved better.  He never got recognition, and it broke my heart.  

[annzeepark914]

2 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Of the men my age in the U.S., 50K died in Vietnam and another 50K committed suicide when they returned. So I figured my prince charming was gone, and if I wanted to be married, I'd have to not be so picky.

This is probably an irrelevant statistic, but it was a common excuse at the time, and not entirely unrelated to my experiences.

I remember when I realized this tragic loss of so many men affected a lot of women of my generation, including me. It was probably the same for women in the 1940's (& other war eras).

[shapeshifter]

21 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

I lived it my whole life, and it ain’t pretty.  My Father was a good Man and deserved better.  He never got recognition, and it broke my heart.  

Your resentment of the way your mother who "settled" treated your father was felt by those of us here who "settled" when we got married.
I made many sacrifices for my ex for 8 years, but he never thought I loved him. Fortunately the 2 of my 3 kids I had with him just think we "weren't a good fit." 
But I think the woman he's been with for 30+ years now settled too.🤷🏻‍♀️
But I always tell my 2 younger kids that they won the stepparent lottery with her: A wealthy, then-younger, widow with her own law practice.

[annzeepark914]

Well...as JT Macc used to say, I think it's time we moved on. I miss that guy. Did we burn him out? 😊 The crappy sandals arrived (from the fake QVC-Clark ad that my sis & I ordered). She got a refund. I haven't heard anything from my MasterCard. I think somebody made these shoes in his basement workshop.

Edited May 8 by annzeepark914

[shapeshifter]

51 minutes ago, Absolom said:

Is everyone enjoying spring?  Our azaleas have just passed blooming, but they were gorgeous this year with all the rain.  The roses are in full bloom and smell delightful.  Hummingbirds are super busy with all the flowers.  We're going to the nearby gardens this weekend.  

I love azaleas and rhododendrons. There's one bush by my condo with purple blossoms that were almost gone the other day. They probably are entirely gone with the gale-force winds blowing today — I can’t see them from my windows. 
I guess the winds are the leftovers from the tornadoes that struck in the midwest. 

At least some of these tree blossoms are still hanging on in the 24 mph winds:

But it’s in the 70s here for the first time this year, so: 👏

 

[peacheslatour]

2 hours ago, kristen111 said:

@peacheslatour .. let’s hear it again.  It was so cute. 😍

It was love at first sight.

I was working in my mom's design studio and she handed me her credit card and the keys to her car and asked me to go to the Shell station and have it filled up. This was back in the days when we didn't have to pump our own gas.

So of course, I went to the Mobil station and I met this super cute, long haired guy with the type of brown eyes you can just drown in. He was washing my windshield and our eyes locked and that was it. We fell in love. He asked for my number so I gave him my business card and by the time I got back to the office (two blocks away) he had already called. We talked that night on the phone for like two hours and it was as if I had known him all my life, even though we grew up in different towns. He had to go because he had band practice.

I was living with my in-between guy at the time  (he was the guy I always went back to after other relationships broke up) MY IBG and I were  not in love, just roommates with benefits at that point. Within a few days, I was living with my husband. It turned out that the gas station he was working at was his dad's and his parents owned houses all over the town he grew up in.  We live in one of them now. Five months later, we were married.

That was 44 years ago last week and we're still crazy about each other.

[kristen111]

1 hour ago, annzeepark914 said:

Well...as JT Macc used to say, I think it's time we moved on. I miss that guy. Did we burn him out? 😊 The crappy sandals arrived (from the fake QVC-Clark ad that my sis & I ordered). She got a refund. I haven't heard anything from my MasterCard. I think somebody made these shoes in his basement workshop.

Whaaat?They were phony?  My daughter ordered me the Sketcher slip ons the other night for Mother’s Day from QVC.  I’m waiting for them.  Hope they are ok.  Where did you order from?

[kristen111]

32 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

It was love at first sight.

I was working in my mom's design studio and she handed me her credit card and the keys to her car and asked me to go to the Shell station and have it filled up. This was back in the days when we didn't have to pump our own gas.

So of course, I went to the Mobil station and I met this super cute, long haired guy with the type of brown eyes you can just drown in. He was washing my windshield and our eyes locked and that was it. We fell in love. He asked for my number so I gave him my business card and by the time I got back to the office (two blocks away) he had already called. We talked that night on the phone for like two hours and it was as if I had known him all my life, even though we grew up in different towns. He had to go because he had band practice.

I was living with my in-between guy at the time  (he was the guy I always went back to after other relationships broke up) MY IBG and I were  not in love, just roommates with benefits at that point. Within a few days, I was living with my husband. It turned out that the gas station he was working at was his dad's and his parents owned houses all over the town he grew up in.  We live in one of them now. Five months later, we were married.

That was 44 years ago last week and we're still crazy about each other.

Yep, when it’s real love, there’s a pull there when you first lock eyes.  I read somewhere that the eyes dialate when someone loves what they see when first they meet.

[annzeepark914]

@peacheslatour Your sweet story always makes me smile. 💖

44 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

Whaaat?They were phony?  My daughter ordered me the Sketcher slip ons the other night for Mother’s Day from QVC.  I’m waiting for them.  Hope they are ok.  Where did you order from?

My sister sent me the ad link (I think it was on Facebook). It said QVC-Clark. I was going to toss in a donation bag, but these felt so awful...the worst!...under my feet that I'm tossing them in the garbage. I hope yours are coming from QVC. Still waiting for my new MasterCard. Went back to the bank to get more cash. Geez ..this is like stepping back into the old days before I used my card for almost everything 😫

[peacheslatour]

36 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

Yep, when it’s real love, there’s a pull there when you first lock eyes.  I read somewhere that the eyes dialate when someone loves what they see when first they meet.

We laugh about it now and then. He told me that after I left, he went back into his dad's office and told him he was going to "marry that girl someday." This was in early Dec. by NYE we were engaged. All of our friends gave it six months, tops. 😆

[ABay]

Last fall I planted a bunch of bulbs, mostly tulips, and they've all come up. Many of them are done, but others are still glowing in the sun. The alium are also open. The daffodils came and went along with the hyacinth. I packed the bulbs too tightly in the pots but they were all I had at the time. I can transplant in the fall.

This weekend I'll be planting annuals--impatiens, petunias (I have a bowl...), basil, tons of cosmos, possibly rosemary. I also want to move a couple of hostas, move a phlox from a grow bag into the ground, and move one of the New England asters. We'll see how much gets done before my back gives out.

Of the 4 astilbe I planted a couple of weeks ago, one is coming up. That's about my usual percentage on bare roots. Some of the canna are starting to  come up, a much better percentage rate there.

The crocosmia I planted in the ground last year has come back but the ones in pots haven't. All the lilies have huge foliage. Everything else looks pretty good so far.

[peacheslatour]

31 minutes ago, ABay said:

Last fall I planted a bunch of bulbs, mostly tulips, and they've all come up. Many of them are done, but others are still glowing in the sun. The alium are also open. The daffodils came and went along with the hyacinth. I packed the bulbs too tightly in the pots but they were all I had at the time. I can transplant in the fall.

This weekend I'll be planting annuals--impatiens, petunias (I have a bowl...), basil, tons of cosmos, possibly rosemary. I also want to move a couple of hostas, move a phlox from a grow bag into the ground, and move one of the New England asters. We'll see how much gets done before my back gives out.

Of the 4 astilbe I planted a couple of weeks ago, one is coming up. That's about my usual percentage on bare roots. Some of the canna are starting to  come up, a much better percentage rate there.

The crocosmia I planted in the ground last year has come back but the ones in pots haven't. All the lilies have huge foliage. Everything else looks pretty good so far.

I'm in about the same shape with my bulbs (I miss them already) but I have rhodies, lilacs, peonies, iris, wisteria blooming and the sweet pea seeds my son planted are coming up nicely. Next is herbs, Greek oregano, Italian flat leaf parsley (I use it in place of cilantro - bleh. There's a topic for discussion.) chives, and I'm trying a new variety of hollyhocks. 

[ABay]

Cilantro is an abomination and of the devil.

[peacheslatour]

3 minutes ago, ABay said:

Cilantro is an abomination and of the devil.

Vile weed.

[nokat]

8 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

Vile weed.

I hate the stuff.

[kristen111]

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

If by "go with" you mean marry, in my case: because every guy I was crazy about was always crazy about someone else.
And I had 2 kids (one was his).
So. No. It doesn't make sense.
But it happened a lot, and maybe still does.

Of the men my age in the U.S., 50K died in Vietnam and another 50K committed suicide when they returned. So I figured my prince charming was gone, and if I wanted to be married, I'd have to not be so picky.
This is probably an irrelevant statistic, but it was a common excuse at the time, and not entirely unrelated to my experiences.

I’m re- reading.  When I said go with”, I mean keeping company and marrying.  What I actually mean is, how does any woman sleep and have sex with someone they don’t love.  I could barely kiss a guy after a date if the chemistry was not there, never mind having sex with them.  I’ve never had sex with someone or even kissed them if the feeling wasn’t there.  Maybe I’m the minority.  Well, maybe if I was drunk, but I never drank. lol.  I don’t feel like I missed anything.  I know one man that way in my life.  Did I miss something?   I look at some men and think yuk, no way.  I’d have to be dead drunk, lol.

Edited May 8 by kristen111

[kristen111]

Spoiler

 

My one daughter bought me a small water fountain for my patio.  All around it I put all colors of impatiens.  They last until November.  When I lie on my swing, I decompress with he sound of water flowing.  It’s so pretty.  I think she got it on HSN or QVC at the time.  I’ll try to take a picture, if I can find out how.  Have to buy some impatiens tomorrow.  I also bought two cherry tomato plants, which will last all summer.  When I had a house, I had a very big garden with 30 tomato plants, plus every other vegetable.  No more, as I now have a condo and a broken back.

Edited May 8 by kristen111

[ebk57]

20 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

 What I actually mean is, how does any woman sleep and have sex with someone they don’t love.

Um... it's actually not that difficult.  And 9.99 times out of 10, really fun.

[kristen111]

Just now, ebk57 said:

Um... it's actually not that difficult.  And 9.99 times out of 10, really fun.

Damn .. you mean I missed something?  Maybe I can find an old geezer to see the difference to what I have now, lol.

[Browncoat]

1 minute ago, ebk57 said:

Um... it's actually not that difficult.  And 9.99 times out of 10, really fun.

One of my best relationships was all about the sex.  We liked each other, of course, and got along (and did do other things besides the sex), but we both went into it knowing that it was not going to be a long-term thing.  And no one's heart was broken when it ended.