S14.E13: Popping the Questions

[Emma Snyder]

Quote

Dr. Pepper and Pastor Cal meet individually with the spouses to uncover questions that may still be lingering in their marriage.  But the answers aren't always what the couples hope to hear, and one person's meeting with an expert sparks fireworks.

Premieres on Apr 6, 2022 at 8:00 PM EDT

Please keep discussion to topics mentioned on THIS episode.  

[Straycat80]

You know when you are wondering what kind of air fryer is behind Lyndsay, you are not paying attention to this boring conversation between her and Mark. 

[kristen111]

2 minutes ago, Straycat80 said:

You know when you are wondering what kind of air fryer is behind Lyndsay, you are not paying attention to this boring conversation between her and Mark. 

Same conversation .. different night.  What does she want already?I wonder how many men she has gone through this way.

[FrankieTankie]

I don’t care what anyone says … Lindsey is a lot to handle sometimes but Mark is the true problem …dude is fake as fuck and I guarantee he’s a true piece of shit when cameras are off… he’s just trying to gaslight Lindsey to make himself look like this great guy … when really he’s just a piece of shit …I’m tired of his ugly face too … his eyes are tripping me out … 

[Straycat80]

Welp, this conversation between Dr. Pepper and Olajuwon went south really fast. He got so defensive. He truly believes he doesn’t talk down to Katina which he does. 

[ChiCricket]

4 hours ago, FrankieTankie said:

I don’t care what anyone says … Lindsey is a lot to handle sometimes but Mark is the true problem …dude is fake as fuck and I guarantee he’s a true piece of shit when cameras are off… he’s just trying to gaslight Lindsey to make himself look like this great guy … when really he’s just a piece of shit …I’m tired of his ugly face too … his eyes are tripping me out … 

I can't stand either one of them.  And tbh, I don't like anyone this season. They're all irritating as hell in one way or another.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edited April 7, 2022 by ChiCricket

[mythoughtis]

Olajuwon thinks he is perfect, and that his way is the highway.   he also thinks he’s Katrina’s better.  Just what changes has he made in himself? 
 

Not every social media meme is about the poster at that moment… but Noi’s post obviously was and she’s not sorry at all.  

Edited April 7, 2022 by mythoughtis

[kristen111]

Wow, Oj sees so much growth in Katina.  What about you, you pompous ass.  You are a dictator and are full of yourself.  Your word is the law.  There is something wrong with this guy.  Katina is too nieve to see it.

[Kiss my mutt]

Pepper is like, Boston, we got a problem. He is so belligerent and defensive. Katina is like a “project” to him and is going to lose all autonomy in this relationship. She doesn’t speak her mind, in order to keep the peace. He’s just abusive and offensive.  No can do.

Noi is such a child! What doesn’t she get? Keep your relationship issues off social media. She is so needy and whiny but Steve is apathetic and complacent so they both have their issues. I can’t stand seeing Noi sitting there pouting.

Mark and Lindsey, they need to give it up. I don’t see how you come back from all this constant bullshit and badgering.

 

[mythoughtis]

I’m sorry- Pastor Cal is saying generalities to Mark that  would work in a normal spousal  argument.  What Lindsay does is abuse.  She treats Mark like her mother treated her 

Edited April 7, 2022 by mythoughtis

[Crashcourse]

Me:  Jasmina, dear, does it hurt?

Jasmina:  Does what hurt?

Me:  That stick up your ass

 

[mythoughtis]

Jasmina trusts people until they give her a reason not to?  Does she know herself at all? 

[Straycat80]

Jasmina feels nothing when Mike touches her, this is not a good sign at this point in their marriage. I think they are better off as friends. 

[LennieBriscoe]

1 hour ago, kristen111 said:

Same conversation .. different night.  What does she want already?I wonder how many men she has gone through this way.

At least not to have her husband recoil from her touch, telling her not to "grip" him. 

33 minutes ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Pepper is like, Boston, we got a problem. He is so belligerent and defensive. Katina is like a “project” to him and is going to lose all autonomy in this relationship. She doesn’t speak her mind, in order to keep the peace. He’s just abusive and offensive.  No can do.

Noi is such a child! What doesn’t she get? Keep your relationship issues off social media. She is so needy and whiny but Steve is apathetic and complacent so they both have their issues. I can’t stand seeing Noi sitting there pouting.

Mark and Lindsey, they need to give it up. I don’t see how you come back from all this constant bullshit and badgering.

 

Noi "doesn't  get" an unambitious, complacent man who would rather spend down retirement savings (or what could/should be) than GET A JOB. 

[kristen111]

Most of the time, I don’t get what the experts are trying to say.  Lots of words and advice that go over all their heads.  Imo, Pepper was disrespected by Oj, who made her look like he knew more than her, or at least tried to.  Personally, I think he has something against women.  Katina is not strong enough for this guy.  

[LennieBriscoe]

25 minutes ago, mythoughtis said:

I’m sorry- Pastor Cal is saying generalities to Mark that  would work in a normal spousal  argument.  What Lindsay does is abuse.  She treats Mark like her mother treated her 

Lindsey would like to see some enthusiasm for her from Mark. Where's the flirtation from him?  The "Hey, Baby, you're my girl"? It isn't there. It won't be there. So she gets upset and angry, maybe at herself, too, for getting intimate before the affection. 

I'd like to know what or whom Mark wants. I guess a cat-loving Chicken Fingers type. 

14 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

Most of the time, I don’t get what the experts are trying to say.  Lots of words and advice that go over all their heads.  Imo, Pepper was disrespected by Oj, who made her look like he knew more than her, or at least tried to.  Personally, I think he has something against women.  Katina is not strong enough for this guy.  

Or maybe "Katina is not strong enough to tell this guy to take the proverbial long walk off a short pier." 

[Mr. Miner]

I think if Mark finishes his chicken like a good little boy, he’s going to get laid tonight. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[mythoughtis]

3 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Lindsey would like to see some enthusiasm for her from Mark. Where's the flirtation from him?  The "Hey, Baby, you're my girl"? It isn't there. It won't be there. So she gets upset and angry, maybe at herself, too, for getting intimate before the affection. 

I agree.  He’s never going to be a touchy feely expressive guy.  He’s never going to try all the new foods she eats, all the new adventures she wants. For them to stay together she has to be willing to speak his love language - which is accept him as he is, quiet meek chicken finger loving guy 

[Straycat80]

Lyndsay and Mark seemed to have had a break through, it probably won’t last. They both have Mom/Dad issues and that’s why they both act the way they do. I can understand that but they need therapy not a marriage. 
I don’t get Steve, he asked Noi if she thought about taking time off, I’m assuming not working, how are they suppose to live if neither of them have a job? 

[Mr. Miner]

Steve’s an adventurous free spirit! 🙄

[Kiss my mutt]

Slow your roll there, Noi wants a baby within the first year? I know she’s over 30 but those two won’t be anywhere ready by then and she’ll be end up a single mom. She looks like she’s been stress eating. If Steve can make the same or more on his own, I wouldn’t get hung up on the traditional full time job part. 
 

Glad Mark and Lindsey had a breakthrough, no matter how short It lasts 
 

[Straycat80]

Is there going to be a beat down between Olajuwon and Dr. Pepper? This should be interesting. 

[endure]

Run Steve run, you're a super guy and I can't believe she will ever really appreciate you, she's all about herself  - and too often she looks like she sucked on a lemon.

[kristen111]

I don’t believe in getting married to a stranger, but I do believe in either getting fixed up or going on a dating site.  At least you can get a feel of what the person is all about.

Michael is afraid of Jasmina.  Afraid to make a move, as she seems untouchable.  She has an attitude about her imo.

[mythoughtis]

I truly believe that Chris was told by the experts and producers that it was okay to make  decision day when he did.  The experts and producers need to sit Katina down with a domestic abuse expert  and advise her to leave.    Olajuwon is an ass.  She looks  like an emotionally abused spouse. 

Edited April 7, 2022 by mythoughtis

[Kiss my mutt]

Maybe Katina is exactly what Olajuwon needs but I don’t think it’s what she needs. She shouldn’t be responsible for being the peacekeeper in a relationship. She hasn’t said really anything this episode, it’s all Olajuwon, all the time.

I keep trying to find a reason to like him, but I’m done. Good luck, Katina. This show should be renamed, “Married at all Costs”. 

Edited April 7, 2022 by Kiss my mutt

[Adeejay]

Steve fears getting a job?!  I’ve never heard anything like that before.  I can’t help but wonder if any of this came up during the selection and vetting process. 

Ola takes “credit” for speaking down to Katina and in the next sentence accused Dr. Pepper of making him out to be the bad guy.  Alrighty then!

[Straycat80]

2 minutes ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Maybe Katina is exactly what Olajuwon needs but I don’t think it’s what she needs. She shouldn’t be responsible for being the peacekeeper in a relationship. She hasn’t said really anything this episode, it’s all Olajuwon, all the time.

I keep trying to find a reason to like him, but I’m done. Good luck, Katina. This show should be renamed, “Married at all Costs”. 

Spot on. Katina did not say a word the whole time. It’s the Olajuwon show all the way. These experts are desperate to make everyone stay together no matter what just so they don’t have a 5/5 fail again. 

[kristen111]

21 minutes ago, mythoughtis said:

I agree.  He’s never going to be a touchy feely expressive guy.  He’s never going to try all the new foods she eats, all the new adventures she wants. For them to stay together she has to be willing to speak his love language - which is accept him as he is, quiet meek chicken finger loving guy 

The experts are trying to change everyone, but it doesn’t work.  They are who they are.  They all have to take the person the way they are, or forget it.  I’ll bet a lot of couples that go for councelling, fail and get divorced.  I’ve seen many friends get divorced after councelling.  Most people cannot change.  My husband and I have little in common; we both like different things, but there’s love here from the beginning for over fifty years.  Lots of patience too.

[Racj82]

13 hours ago, FrankieTankie said:

I don’t care what anyone says … Lindsey is a lot to handle sometimes but Mark is the true problem …dude is fake as fuck and I guarantee he’s a true piece of shit when cameras are off… he’s just trying to gaslight Lindsey to make himself look like this great guy … when really he’s just a piece of shit …I’m tired of his ugly face too … his eyes are tripping me out … 

But, how do you really feel about him?

I don't think he's a piece of shit but I also don't think he tries as hard as he says all the time. But, I think that he learned early on to not give her too much affirmation because she will run with it all the way to the finish line. I think he's trying to make it through this and get out while not hurting anyone but it's not working. The lets be nice to each other until decision day and part ways doesn't work when both parties never agreed to that.

Edited April 7, 2022 by Racj82

[mythoughtis]

Are we allowed to reference the preview?   Because I saw something on it that looked pretty scary - and the next scene looked worse! 

[Racj82]

1 hour ago, mythoughtis said:

I’m sorry- Pastor Cal is saying generalities to Mark that  would work in a normal spousal  argument.  What Lindsay does is abuse.  She treats Mark like her mother treated her 

Yeah I didn't like that. Cal wasn't totally wrong but you can't apply his logic to every situation. Lyndsey can't express herself without verbal abuse. That's not okay. It's also triggering to Mark in the same way O often is to Katina.

[Kira53]

Dr Pepper should’ve been straight up with Olajuwon that she saw him say and do certain things with Katina.  Her approach Like she didn’t know what he had done and she didn’t see what he had done, wasn’t very helpful to Olajuwon because you need to be direct and straight with him and even then he will often miss the communication because he’s a hothead.   I don’t know why they pretend that they don’t have access to the video of their interactions as couples. Whoever talked with Lindsay needed to be straight on with Linsey being very inconsistent and incredibly negative and ugly which then creates an inconsistent response from her spouse. Lindsey is the source of inconsistency and this was not directly addressed.   These experts aren’t very expert communicators but I’m sure they are doing the dirty work of the producers. They just blame the victims and ask people to take responsibility for things that they are not responsible for. Each of the spouses is responsible for their actions and how that creates a reaction in their spouse. The only one that seems to have any kind of insight is Steve.  Michael takes too much responsibility at times. Noi takes none.  Steve is very patient.

[LennieBriscoe]

Now Lindsey knows: Mark needs, virtually in his own words, an unconditional maternal love. Not in a creepy, Oedipal way (I hope!), but in a comforting, undemanding, caring, soothing way. Hugs, not yells. 

Take him or leave him, Lindsey. 

That beach scene? Could Mark look any more indifferent? She leans to him, he leans away, not even looking at her. 

Wow. 

Edited April 7, 2022 by LennieBriscoe

[Racj82]

37 minutes ago, Adeejay said:

Steve fears getting a job?!  I’ve never heard anything like that before.  I can’t help but wonder if any of this came up during the selection and vetting process. 

Ola takes “credit” for speaking down to Katina and in the next sentence accused Dr. Pepper of making him out to be the bad guy.  Alrighty then!

Steve has had the same shitty experiences most of us have had, doing the grind and working under others. He got released from that stress and just really doesn't want to go back. Yes, we would all love to do that but he at least has a stable banking account while working in a field and has the connects to try something different. 

I've actually seen it happen plenty of times before. It's always we got to work, we have to work. Then, that job gets taken away from you. Instead of wallowing or living in the fear, it gives you a new lease on life. The courage and the freedom to do what you truly want to do.

Steve could get a full time job but he would be miserable. If they are going to work, they have to meet in the middle somewhere.

Edited April 7, 2022 by Racj82

[Kira53]

Noi wants a child within a year but thinks it’s too soon to move in with Steve after decision day. Run Steve run. Run very very fast because she also thinks her social media is her own and she’s gonna be posting because she doesn’t care what you think or feel. Just get a job and give her some money and let her start making those babies so she can start staying home like right away.  She’ll just be staying at her apartment.  You can visit the baby there.

[Racj82]

2 minutes ago, Kira53 said:

Dr Pepper should’ve been straight up with Olajuwon that she saw him say and do certain things with Katina.  Her approach Like she didn’t know what he had done and she didn’t see what he had done, wasn’t very helpful to Olajuwon because you need to be direct and straight with him and even then he will often miss the communication because he’s a hothead.   I don’t know why they pretend that they don’t have access to the video of their interactions as couples. Whoever talked with Lindsay needed to be straight on with Linsey being very inconsistent and incredibly negative and ugly which then creates an inconsistent response from her spouse. Lindsey is the source of inconsistency and this was not directly addressed.   These experts aren’t very expert communicators but I’m sure they are doing the dirty work of the producers. They just blame the victims and ask people to take responsibility for things that they are not responsible for. Each of the spouses is responsible for their actions and how that creates a reaction in their spouse. The only one that seems to have any kind of insight is Steve.  Michael takes too much responsibility at times. Noi takes none.  Steve is very patient.

Shit...Olajuwon had no interest in advice from a woman and he would have shut down even more if she pressed harder. There wasn't much she could do there.

[LennieBriscoe]

Olajuwon is beyond help. Somebody convinced him he's a genius, he's God's  Gift to a "wife," he is right in any situation. I loathe him. 

The experts shouldn't  encourage  Katina to stay. 

One other point about Mark: He is terrified of losing his mother. Not that that makes him unusual, but he mentioned her death in the context of how his wife would need to pick up the emotional slack, as it were.

Edited April 7, 2022 by LennieBriscoe

[Kiss my mutt]

Well, I guess, Olajuwon just proved Pepper’s points in his response to her. I thought she was going to go out there and confront him but she pretty much just let him have the room again. Maybe she did, but they didn’t film it.  
 

[Racj82]

1 minute ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Well, I guess, Olajuwon just proved Pepper’s points in his response to her. I thought she was going to go out there and confront him but she pretty much just let him have the room again. Maybe she did, but they didn’t film it.  
 

Everyone is walking on eggshells around Olajuwon including his own wife. It's not cool at all.

[Kira53]

1 hour ago, mythoughtis said:

Jasmina trusts people until they give her a reason not to?  Does she know herself at all? 

Nope.

[LennieBriscoe]

17 minutes ago, Racj82 said:

Steve has had the same shitty experiences most of us have had, doing the grind and working under others. He got released from that stress as just really doesn't want to go back. Yes, we would all love to do that but he at least has a stable banking account while working in a field and connects to try something different. 

I must have missed that scene where Steve said exactly how much is in that allegedly "stable banking account." An extra $300K for college for Noi's planned three children? How about a couple hundred grand for maybe some future nursing home costs [See: Mother, Mark's]? A house for his growing family? Yeah, try another "spare" $300--$500K. 

Now, maybe Steverino is a multi-millionaire. I'm  just saying that I haven't seen that moment where he has told Noi as much. 

And sure, who hasn't had those "Take This Job and Shove It" daydreams? I don't think that the reality necessarily  makes Steve enviable. 

Maybe I just can't take a spreadsheet kind of guy. 

[LennieBriscoe]

1 hour ago, Mr. Miner said:

I think if Mark finishes his chicken like a good little boy, he’s going to get laid tonight. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Mark is the one who needs to be "a good little boy." I don't  think that is the type of man Lindsey would prefer. 

[Racj82]

1 minute ago, LennieBriscoe said:

I must have missed that scene where Steve said exactly how much is in that allegedly "stable banking account." An extra $300K for college for Noi's planned three children? How about a couple hundred grand for maybe some future nursing home costs [See: Mother, Mark's]? A house for his growing family? Yeah, try another "spare" $300--$500K. 

Now, maybe Steverino is a multi-millionaire. I'm  just saying that I haven't seen that moment where he has told Noi as much. 

And sure, who hasn't had those "Take This Job and Shove It" daydreams? I don't think that the reality necessarily  makes Steve enviable. 

Maybe I just can't take a spreadsheet kind of guy. 

If he has enough to pay 3 to 4 times their budget as he has said on the show and the afterparty then that's what I mean by stable. He's clearly not broke. He's already taking care of bills and doing his part. We've also heard elsewhere on the afterparty some of this address. He has much more than 40k stashed away at the very least.

None of that is the real issue. Noi will never feel stable with someone who isn't actively working on regular basis. 

[kristen111]

45 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Now Lindsey knows: Mark needs, virtually in his own words, an unconditional maternal love. Not in a creepy, Oedipal way (I hope!), but in a comforting, undemanding, caring, soothing way. Hugs, not yells. 

Take him or leave him, Lindsey. 

That beach scene? Could Mark look any more indifferent? She leans to him, he leans away, not even looking at her. 

Wow. 

He was done long ago and is sticking it out for the money.  It’s obvious.

[kristen111]

1 hour ago, endure said:

Run Steve run, you're a super guy and I can't believe she will ever really appreciate you, she's all about herself  - and too often she looks like she sucked on a lemon.

She was cute in the beginning .. now it’s all about money and what he has to do.  Of course he will get a job, but now she’s really getting demanding.  He has to change diapers too.  Lol.  I had three kids and my husband never changed a diaper in his life, but he’s a great father and often worked two jobs and never told me to go to work.  I think Steve will do the right thing if they stay married.  Looks like she will be demanding.

[buttersister]

55 minutes ago, Kira53 said:

Her approach Like she didn’t know what he had done and she didn’t see what he had done, wasn’t very helpful to Olajuwon because you need to be direct and straight with him and even then he will often miss the communication because he’s a hothead.  

Dr. Pepper mentioned the clips. Olajuwon, in his manipulative way, just went for the he said/she said to diffuse a critical woman. So next time, send Pastor Cal--oh wait, Pastor Cal isn't telling Katina to run, so what are the chances he'd legit call out Olajuwon? Never mind.

Damaged Mark and damaged Lindsey don't need to be married right now. What they each need is an excellent therapist that deals in childhood trauma. If he's done when his mom dies, Mark will need to go back. Then, they may be ready for a well-adjusted, extraordinarily patient spouse that loves them for whatever goodness they possess that is seen. 

Steve's options are about as vague as they could be. Show her your net worth, dude, or get off the pot (if he hasn't already). Her childhood poverty isn't going to allow her to feel secure with an entrepreneur (unless he's a millionaire, and Steve's not there just yet). Also, she's too immature for him. The social media posting is stupid. Her baby timetable is so ingrained it doesn't allow for circumstances--or a spouse's true opinion.

 

 

[Yeah No]

2 hours ago, kristen111 said:

Wow, Oj sees so much growth in Katina.  What about you, you pompous ass.  You are a dictator and are full of yourself.  Your word is the law.  There is something wrong with this guy.  Katina is too nieve to see it.

It looked like Pepper saw through him when she confronted him about talking down to Katina, but later in the episode backed down.  At first I thought, "good, he's going to have to admit something" but no, he just gave his usual BS and got out of it.  Everyone backs down to him eventually.  "Oh, he doesn't know how he's coming off but he means well".....Seriously?  Are they afraid of him or something?  It's ridiculous.

[LennieBriscoe]

51 minutes ago, Racj82 said:

If he has enough to pay 3 to 4 times their budget as he has said on the show and the afterparty then that's what I mean by stable. He's clearly not broke. He's already taking care of bills and doing his part. We've also heard elsewhere on the afterparty some of this address. He has much more than 40k stashed away at the very least.

None of that is the real issue. Noi will never feel stable with someone who isn't actively working on regular basis. 

I'm a cynic when it comes to what people say about their finances; talk is... cheap. 😉

I agree; Noi doesn't want to be the active earner, getting up early, getting ready, going to work, etc., while Steve is a stay-at-home passive earner, regardless of his income. 

Noi wants what she sees as a traditional family unit: Husband goes to a job; wife might also, but then stays home to care for three---not one, not two, not four, and five is right out---children. 

It is her vision of happiness, which is brought about by stability. This need is deeply ingrained, so much so that is her. Steve's notions of  entrepreneurship, with our remembering that Steve is essentially a stranger, unsettle Noi to her core. 

But if being a financial risk-taker is the essential  Steve, then so be it. Getting up for a 9-5 ain't his gig. Self-employed is not my gig, not Noi's gig. His. 

Fundamentally and irredeemably unsuited to each other. 

 

 

 

Edited April 7, 2022 by LennieBriscoe

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, Racj82 said:

I don't think he's a piece of shit but I also don't think he tries as hard as he says all the time. But, I think that he learned early on to not give her too much affirmation because she will run with it all the way to the finish line. I think he's trying to making it through this and get out while not hurting anyone but it's not working. The lets be nice to each other until decision day and part ways doesn't work when both parties never agreed to that.

I think he feels trapped and afraid of Lindsey.  He might stick with her until he can find a way to escape without her causing him any bodily harm, which at this point I'm sure he's worried about!