MAFS Social Media, Spoilers & Speculation

[Leanne]

Leanne! OMFG! Looked at Amazon and the book has an author and an editor listed, in addition to Jamie! It must be DEEP! lol

Get ready for the book tour! o_O

Eta: Imo, the cover photo is not flattering at all.

Hahhaah sleekandchic; I bet it's as deep as a tablespoon, right? If someone gave me a free copy; I would hate read it

[sleekandchic]

At least it's self-published though! I was really scared she got a contract with a legit publishing house!

Eta: Ashley should take a page out of Vanessa's book of class and grace.

Seriously, what do Ashley, her mom and whomever else comes to forums or SM to constantly remind us about David's failings think they're accomplishing? Dumb.

Edited March 12, 2016 by sleekandchic

[still hoping]

ADP is a payroll company, they manage payrolls, benefits, retirement funds for small biz - so Sam's financial background works there but kind of a step down

I think they mostly work over the phone, online....which is good cause who would trust her if they recognize her LOL

 

Jamie's self pub book? barf ...go away Jamie

 

Tres twitter may have been "run" by the network for awhile, they have the ability to control the official "posts" and they wanted to string out the ending ,making people think he and Vanessa were together.

 

I think most of these people would do well to just stay off social media and "go away". I think Ashley should too...although I still do not share the "dislike" of her that so many others do. Hey if you are not feeling a guy you are not feeling him. David is big, pushy , overwhelming I think , especially to a small quiet person like her.

I also think she had some major 2nd thoughts abut her future career...which honestly what could a school or employer fault her for...oh you didn't hop into bed with a guy you didn't like? And the stupidity of the producers and experts gives her a total out - "I thought there was something wrong with him...and it turned out he had an arrest record"

 

I am sure Sam's stupid tale of playing a "prank" at the bank was not received very well LOL

[Snarklepuss]

Based on your experience then, what do you think of my theory that Ashley might resist kissing or other one-on-one contact (with "strangers") because she's self-conscious of her bristle/scratchiness?

 

It never stopped me as long as I had daily access to a razor.  I was always a little self conscious of it but never to the point that I would avoid kissing someone, LOL.  It wouldn't surprise me that other women might be more self conscious and avoid kissing guys because of it, though.  I just tend to think "Stachley" might avoid kissing guys because she is the "ice princess" than any other reason.

[Snarklepuss]

ADP is a payroll company, they manage payrolls, benefits, retirement funds for small biz - so Sam's financial background works there but kind of a step down

I think they mostly work over the phone, online....which is good cause who would trust her if they recognize her LOL

 

My Brother In Law works for ADP.  It's not a bad company and the pay is pretty good.  He is able to telecommute which I read is pretty common there.  According to Glassdoor.com salaries, this position would be a step up for Sam and an additional $10,000k per year so I think that whatever the reason she left the bank this was a good move for her.  It was so easy to compare the salaries of the specific positions/locations for each company given that Sam was so specific about being a "Branch Manager 5", LOL.

[Jassie99]

https://t.co/WmNUhKPBZm

 

Hope that works. On Tres twitter he linked his interview with US Weekly. He explains simply his feelings faded for her and he stopped being intimate because she was more into him then he was so out of respect for her he stopped. Now I know people call BS on that but I know many people who not to further lead the person on at least sexually stop that intimacy cause they know the relationship will end soon. I believe that from him. He admits he should've handle it better and puts it on himself. Its decent and very respectful of Vanessa.

 

I just don't think he is a bad guy for not falling for her and it sucks she did for him. I think I do blame him and actually many of them this season as they saw it as an experiment and not a marriage imo. Maybe David did..maybe. But what made S1 esp. so successful even with the failed marriage of Monet/Vaughn is they took it seriously, I truly believe the thought of marriage really weighed on them and not what I got this yr or last. I'll give this show a shot again and hope they choose better casting next year.

[ctbabe]

On Tres issue, it seems he desperately wants to be liked by all. While on one of my favorite mafs reviewer's YouTube site, I came across the comment below by Stacci Godwin.

'Tres is such an asshole. He completely changed after the show. His social media account is a trip trying to clear his image and stuff. He's also DMing people about how 'emo' Vanessa was or something. It's so disrespectful.'

IF he is really DMing people to look like the good guy then he really is classless and shitty. My issue with Ashley and now Tres is that even though you might not like your match, still treat them with respect during the marriage and during the broadcast. I have people at work that I don't like but I get along with them so the job done can get done.

BTW Mad props to Sam's dad and Neil's mum for treating their Daughter_in_law and son_in_law with huge respect. I have never seen Sam's dad trash Neil through this whole season. Neil's mum could have easily gone on SM and trashed Sam but she showed how an adult should act by staying away from SM.

The opposite could be said of Ashley's mum and David's mum (though she waited till the end to trash talk Ashley). I think they should also screen inlaws because the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[floridaskixx]

On Tres issue, it seems he desperately wants to be liked by all. While on one of my favorite mafs reviewer's YouTube site, I came across the comment below by Stacci Godwin.

'Tres is such an asshole. He completely changed after the show. His social media account is a trip trying to clear his image and stuff. He's also DMing people about how 'emo' Vanessa was or something. It's so disrespectful.'

https://youtu.be/hOtB1B7bg7Y

IF he is really DMing people to look like the good guy then he really is classless and shitty. My issue with Ashley and now Tres is that even though you might not like your match, still treat them with respect during the marriage and during the broadcast. I have people at work that I don't like but I get along with them so the job done can get done.

I saw that he DMed people to "defend" himself and while he was doing that he was lowkey saying some rude comments about Vanessa. I know Twitter user @aleciayisrael got a DM from him and she said there were more ppl who did too but I couldn't find the rest.

[Snarklepuss]

I agree with the guy in that video - If Tres really wanted to respect Vanessa's feelings he should have worked on the friendship first before jumping into bed, but it's clear to me that he didn't and just wanted to have sex with her and Vanessa was swept away by it thinking it was due to them being married and him taking the commitment seriously, when it wasn't.  It's nice that he admits he should have communicated to Vanessa why he stopped having sex with her but first of all, I think he's saying that now to rescue his image, but he's also not admitting to the true timeline of events because we know he stopped having sex with her before the 6 weeks were up.  He makes it sound like this didn't happen until later and that when he agreed to continue with the marriage he was still all in - But he couldn't have been if he had already stopped having sex with her.  He already had doubts and was not voicing them to her.

 

Also, I have said this before, but a lot of "nice guys" do shitty things every now and then and Tres is no exception.  People are not either angels or villains, they are usually somewhere in-between.   I even hope that he is telling the truth, but he's yet to convince me about how genuinely sorry he is that he didn't level with her, and I can understand how he betrayed her trust in him and that she may not be willing to give him another chance even as a friend.  It's sad - I have even said before that with regard to this couple the way the show works might have actually ruined what could have worked out better if it had started as a normal dating relationship.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[Evil Queen]

Not buying Tres' interview. He is trying to do his rounds and make himself seem like he is not a bad guy but really he isn't so great either. He isn't the worse obviously but he wasn't in this from the get go. He got what he wanted from Vanessa and was done after he had enough of it. If he is DMing people though and talking trash about her then he might need to watch it because some of those people could start posting it if they haven't yet. Vanessa was right in having concerns from the get go after hearing how he got into this show and a few other things from Tres in the beginning. 

[Jora30]

I agree with the guy in that video - If Tres really wanted to respect Vanessa's feelings he should have worked on the friendship first before jumping into bed, but it's clear to me that he didn't and just wanted to have sex with her and Vanessa was swept away by it thinking it was due to them being married and him taking the commitment seriously, when it wasn't. It's nice that he admits he should have communicated to Vanessa why he stopped having sex with her but first of all, I think he's saying that now to rescue his image, but he's also not admitting to the true timeline of events because we know he stopped having sex with her before the 6 weeks were up. He makes it sound like this didn't happen until later and that when he agreed to continue with the marriage he was still all in - But he couldn't have been if he had already stopped having sex with her. He already had doubts and was not voicing them to her.

Also, I have said this before, but a lot of "nice guys" do shitty things every now and then and Tres is no exception. People are not either angels or villains, they are usually somewhere in-between. I even hope that he is telling the truth, but he's yet to convince me about how genuinely sorry he is that he didn't level with her, and I can understand how he betrayed her trust in him and that she may not be willing to give him another chance even as a friend. It's sad - I have even said before that with regard to this couple the way the show works might have actually ruined what could have worked out better if it had started as a normal dating relationship.

Starting sex early wasn't just Tres' fault, it's on Vanessa as well. He did not rape her. They made a mutual decision to have sex early on. Vanessa didn't love him at that point because they barely knew each other. So why does she get a pass? It was a bad decision by both of them that ultimately caused problems.

[Snarklepuss]

Starting sex early wasn't just Tres' fault, it's on Vanessa as well. He did not rape her. They made a mutual decision to have sex early on. Vanessa didn't love him at that point because they barely knew each other. So why does she get a pass? It was a bad decision by both of them that ultimately caused problems.

 

I don't think at the point they consummated their relationship Vanessa was on the same page with Tres about why she wanted to do it.  I think she thought she was definitely in it for the long haul.  I doubt very much that she would have done it just for kicks and let the chips fall where they may.  I think Tres was thinking with his "little head" and was ready willing and able if she was no matter the reason.  I doubt he thought about the implications or the expectations she might have of him if he did it, because if he did I doubt he would have wanted to do it until he was very sure he wasn't leading her on.  Of course both of them bear responsibility for having sex, but knowing their intentions, I think Tres should have been clear with her about his.  He should have made sure she was on the same page with him in just wanting a little action with someone he was attracted to and not read into it that it meant they were taking things to the next level and solidifying their commitment (which I think would be only natural for someone to read into it given the situation).  Also, Tres kind of acted like he had another notch in his belt when he announced to the world that the relationship had been consummated.  Like he just wanted to gloat to his bros and the world that he scored a hot babe.  It wasn't like "Oh, I think this woman is 'the one'".  That was discussed on this board right after it happened and some thought it was smarmy of him, me included.

 

Personally, I think any woman on this show would do best to say no to sex until well after the 6 week mark just to avoid a situation like this.  But I can't fault Vanessa for having high hopes and getting swept up in the romance.  I think that's her only failure, and it's nothing compared to Tres's failure.  Also, the person who has higher hopes and is more committed to the relationship is hurting themselves more by jumping into bed with someone who may not share those intentions.  In this case that person was Vanessa and because of that Tres owed her being completely honest about things from day one.  The only problem is that Tres doesn't even know his own mind much less does he understand a woman he's in a relationship with.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[Gigi43]

If Tres' is DMing girls while going on (an attempted) PR good-guy tour after seeing how shit blew up for David which was a lesser offense, he's dumber than I ever could have imagined.

 

I'm kidding. I automatically assume everyone who goes on a reality show might be as dumb as dirt. I'm sorry, I can't help it.

 

Jamie's book title is so appropriate,since, as it's been discussed here 'Wifey' isn't really a term used by real married couples. I guess "FameWhore Relationships 101" doesn't have a good ring? I'd at least credit her for being honest, for once.

Edited March 13, 2016 by Gigi43

[Intuition]

Starting sex early wasn't just Tres' fault, it's on Vanessa as well. He did not rape her. They made a mutual decision to have sex early on. Vanessa didn't love him at that point because they barely knew each other. So why does she get a pass? It was a bad decision by both of them that ultimately caused problems.

 

It's not starting sex too early that's the problem, it's that having just married the guy, Vanessa assumed Tres wouldn't be just having his fun like no strings attached, but doing it within a serious relationship.  That isn't too much to assume in what at that time was a legally binding marriage  So I agree with Snarkle that Tres had the responsibility of being up front about not being on board with a serious commitment if he was just having fun with her at that time.  He could have said, "I want to have sex with you but if I do please understand that it's just for fun and not within the context of a true marital commitment."  Of course he'd never have said that because if he did he knew she would probably have said no.

[MsPH]

Eh, I don't think Vanessa got used by Tres or anything. She said several times that sex is very important to her in a relationship, so I'm sure she wanted to test drive him as much as he may have wanted to test drive her.

 

I feel like I must defend Tres a bit here. I don't think he could've done much, except stay with Vanessa forever, to avoid all the hate he is getting. If he had known for certain by the end of the experiment that he wasn't gonna fall for Vanessa and called it quits, people would be saying pretty much the same thing they are now, that he was never gonna stay married to her and just wanted to hit it and quit it and that he should've tried at least. Well he did try for 2 months, yet that's wrong as well, because people can say without having even been there that he was just biding his time. How can you say that with any sort of certainty? No, Vanessa didn't say they stopped having sex completely during the experiment, she alluded that there were issues on that front already back then. I'm sure they had sex after that as well though, since why would they stay together 2 months if it was totally platonic? Vanessa can't be that desperate. In the end he just didn't fall for her and pulled away. It is what it is, you can't force love. They didn't even seem like a good match with their different lifestyles and styles of communication. Just because they found each other hot doesn't mean they're meant to be together. I feel bad for Vanessa, because I think she did fall for him, but that's life. People start dating and break up all the time and it's not necessarily anyone's fault. I give them both props for seeing where things went after the cameras were gone, because that's what this show is about, trying to make a marriage work. Maybe he should've tried harder, but then again, a relationship shouldn't feel like pulling teeth. If it does, then it's probably not right for you. Love is always a risk, so better to see things through than live with what if's.

 

Now if he is DM'ing people to defend himself then that's idiotic and I hope he stops. I must say, I don't think Vanessa was as classy as people here are giving her credit for, since she did make it pretty clear that she thinks it's all Tres's fault. She even made sure to let us know that his romantic gestures weren't romantic enough, since he didn't go to a flower shop to get her flowers, he just got them from some guy at work. I'm not gonna make any snap judgements based on one side of the story, but seems like plenty of people are and that's probably pushing Tres over the edge. I really hope he can keep it civil, because Sam already ruined any civility there was between her and Neil. I just want one couple to swallow their bitterness!

[CindyK]

Tres had an obligation to tell Vanessa why he stopped wanting to be intimate. He claims it was to "build a friendship," but he admitted to Pepper that he didn't share that with Vanessa. Like Pepper said, how would he feel if someone did that to him. While he wasn't obligated to love her, he owed her honesty on that point.

He comes off poorly in the USweekly article as far as I'm concerned. The way he handled the breakup comes off as very insensitive. I hope he learns from this. Still don't think he should pursue marraige again any time soon. People kept saying Vanessa had an idealized vision of marraige, but I don't think he has a clue about what it truly takes either. He seems very into himself and his needs. Vanessa is not the only woman who would be pissed with him coming in at 5am.

Also think he was done by decision day, but didn't have the guts to pull the plug. Probably wanted to complete his good-guy edit.

[wannabethe1]

Ashley deleted a post  from a couple of days a go off her twitter.  In it she said, "there was more to David's behavior than what was shown on TV, blah blah blah"  I guess she's heard from someone's lawyer, because making those types of statements is defamation of character when you lack proof. Also, I guess Sam reads here.  After I posted that Ashley unfollowed the entire cast of Season 3, she unfollowed Ashley back, lol

[Popeyesmonkey]

guys. get on reddit. Neil's doing an AMA

[ctbabe]

guys. get on reddit. Neil's doing an AMA

Link please

[Popeyesmonkey]

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4ae0j6/i_am_neil_bowlus_from_mafs_which_one_you_ask_amaa/

[Almost 3000]

Reddit never seems like a great idea for reality TV participants...gets nasty

[Evil Queen]

Reddit never seems like a great idea for reality TV participants...gets nasty

 

That is true. It can get ugly. I know I have looked up info on certain things and it was under the search. So I would look to see if I can get my answer and would see some not so nice things said. With this I can totally see Sam "fans" getting that way. 

[Popeyesmonkey]

there's some nutso lady named Erin who keeps badgering and guilt tripping Neil on there. everyone so far has been really nice.

[ctbabe]

I like this comment..

Hey Neil,

How did the cameras affect your personality in terms of the viewers and Sam getting to see the "real" you? It seems that you were very conscious of the cameras the entire time and never got entirely used to it.

Was there anything you really wished the show aired that happened off camera? In the same vein, how much of your decision was based on things that happened off camera?

permalink

[–]WhichNeil 1 point 20 minutes ago 

Hi /u/RewindtheParadox,

If you were to ask my friends and family, they would agree what you saw on tv was the same as you would get in person. Sam talked about "two Neils," which I explained, I treated the camera as if it were someone I would treat with respect. I cuss and make fun of my friends all the time, there was some verbal awareness, but no fundamental differences in personality or morals.

-Not really. I thought our story was represented accurately. Most of the factors that influenced my decision were witnessed by all, maybe 20% were off camera items.

Great questions!

[Evil Queen]

there's some nutso lady named Erin who keeps badgering and guilt tripping Neil on there. everyone so far has been really nice.

 

 

 

Well I guess if its at least just one nutso and not a ton then he isn't doing so bad. LOL I haven't read it all but will when I have time. My question is does anyone know who optimatez is exactly? He or She said something about how Sam made them wait almost an hour before coming down for the wedding. So I am guessing this is one of his friends but who I was wondering? The person has been doing lots of comments it looks like after either Neil's responses or someone else's. 

 

Edited to add: Nevermind, I see that he is saying he was at the picnic and was the fat bearded one eating all the time. Guess he was giving the finger and saying a lot of bad words and such so he wouldn't end up on camera from how it sounds. Said the wedding was all day long for how that went but him and his wife left early for a family reunion. That they had only seen the ceremony.

     Sounds like a nightmare to deal with all that junk if you ask me. Then again we kept things small and low key with only certain people at our's (under 10 people) and then told everyone else that we got married later on. LOL 

Edited March 14, 2016 by Evil Queen

[still hoping]

While I respect Neil more than most reality tv folks, I do think he should also give this a rest. Likewise Tres

 

Many relationships don't work out  but Tres should just shut up now IMHO

 

People do "try it out" all the time...hello Tinder LOL>> when done on a tv show however there is a degree of unfair slut shaming ...often seen on the bachelor series too...ok for the final lovebirds to enjoy the fantasy suite but the runners up get the stink eye it seems. Again given the various stuff said about Ashley ...it is no wonder she didn't give David a try. Oh and to imply that she might get sued? Hello...I have seen people here call her a stripper and an escort. ???

 

JMO I think this show is pretty harsh on the participants and as the seasons go by it only will get worse, more fame seekers, more nuts, LOL> I can only imagine the insanity of Miami couples - but hey I will watch (or at least catch up with it LOL)

[Jack Sampson]

For me I don't think its the best thing for these couples to just be jumping in bed. Look at the ones that did and how it turned out.

The only legitimate success of the show has been Cortney and Jason - they had sex on either day 2 or 3. Even Jamie realized she'd get dumped on decision day if she didn't promise Doug he'd get laid the second they got home.

Sex is a normal expectation in marriage. Why wait? Maybe they should take their time if they're virgins - even then, there has to be some progress. Of course, let's be honest, the women on this show ain't no virgins (of the guys, Neil might be).

Having sex won't fix a bad match, but not having sex will certainly doom a good one. The problem is, if you wait to find out if the match is good or not, you've put each other in the friendzone and you rarely progress to a physical relationship.

Personally, I'd rather jump in with both feet. But, even if you decide to take things slow, there has to be progress. Or at some point the lack of sex will become enough of an issue to destroy an otherwise great relationship.

Edited March 15, 2016 by Jack Sampson

[Skidoo]

Why did it take until the end of the season to finally figure out David's mom was on Twitter? Did you guys discuss this before?

[ctbabe]

Why did it take until the end of the season to finally figure out David's mom was on Twitter? Did you guys discuss this before?

I never knew David's mum is on twitter but I know she communicates through her Facebook page.

[Skidoo]

I think on twitter, she was trying to be incognito (especially since she's using the name Bubby Dalton), but if you read her posts, it has to be her. She rips on Ashley a lot!

[ctbabe]

I think on twitter, she was trying to be incognito (especially since she's using the name Bubby Dalton), but if you read her posts, it has to be her. She rips on Ashley a lot!

I have read a couple of Bubby Dalton's post and I don't think she is the one. She already made her feelings know abt Ashley on her Facebook page. I don't think she would hide under an anonymous name to bAsh Ashley. Do you have proof? Might be a fan but definitely Not his mum in my opinion.

Edited March 15, 2016 by ctbabe

[Skidoo]

Not proof exactly, but look at what she calls Ashley on Twitter, and then look at Edie's last facebook post. Both refer to her as "Ashtray." I heard her called a lot of things, but not that.

[Skidoo]

Also, tonight on Twitter Ashley thanked Dan19790 for his support. I was just looking at his posts to see if he was related to Ashley and he called Bubby out as being Edie.

[ctbabe]

Also, tonight on Twitter Ashley thanked Dan19790 for his support. I was just looking at his posts to see if he was related to Ashley and he called Bubby out as being Edie.

Dan19790 says a lot of things that doesn't mean he is right. Dan is either her superfan or Bf. He attacks everyone and anyone that calls her out. He does a lot of namecalling. I won't take him too seriously. I remember a couple of people being accused of being Ashley's mum in this group but that doesn't mean it's true. Since she didnt hide to call her out on facebook, i dont think she would need a twitter account to bully Ashley. I just don't see it.. just my opinion.

[WichitaStateShock]

If people are creating Twitter accounts just to bully someone that's ridiculous. I dislike Ashley but I don't think I've ever thought about bullying her on Twitter

[Skidoo]

Dan19790 says a lot of things that doesn't mean he is right. Dan is either her superfan or Bf. He attacks everyone and anyone that calls her out. He does a lot of namecalling. I won't take him too seriously. I remember a couple of people being accused of being Ashley's mum in this group but that doesn't mean it's true. Since she didnt hide to call her out on facebook, i dont think she would need a twitter account to bully Ashley. I just don't see it.. just my opinion.

Read through all her posts. I think it's her. She knew too much.

[ctbabe]

Read through all her posts. I think it's her. She knew too much.

I just read through the bubble dalton post. It is DEFINITELY NOT David's mum. It might be a friend but absolutely not the mum.

Edited March 15, 2016 by ctbabe

[Evil Queen]

The only legitimate success of the show has been Cortney and Jason - they had sex on either day 2 or 3. Even Jamie realized she'd get dumped on decision day if she didn't promise Doug he'd get laid the second they got home.

Sex is a normal expectation in marriage. Why wait? Maybe they should take their time if they're virgins - even then, there has to be some progress. Of course, let's be honest, the women on this show ain't no virgins (of the guys, Neil might be).

Having sex won't fix a bad match, but not having sex will certainly doom a good one. The problem is, if you wait to find out if the match is good or not, you've put each other in the friendzone and you rarely progress to a physical relationship.

Personally, I'd rather jump in with both feet. But, even if you decide to take things slow, there has to be progress. Or at some point the lack of sex will become enough of an issue to destroy an otherwise great relationship.

 

I think its better if they didn't jump into it right away, There are plenty of ways to be physical without having sex where they aren't friend zoned though and will lead up to sex when its time. The problem with just jumping into it is that those couples seem to not work out at all. I don't think there is anything wrong if people hook up in a night but in this situation they don't know anything other than each other's names. They should take the time to know who they are just married before jumping in the sack like that. Just because there is an instant attraction for some doesn't mean it will be there once you get to know things about that person. While if they get to know that person, even just a little, they might realize it before sleeping with them which in turn could save a heartache for one of those people or make it even better when they finally do. They have 6 weeks together so its not like it has to happen the first night or week even. BTW, I don't think not having sex or having it will doom a good match. Its how they handle things and behave that dooms things. 

[Snarklepuss]

I think its better if they didn't jump into it right away, There are plenty of ways to be physical without having sex where they aren't friend zoned though and will lead up to sex when its time. The problem with just jumping into it is that those couples seem to not work out at all. I don't think there is anything wrong if people hook up in a night but in this situation they don't know anything other than each other's names. They should take the time to know who they are just married before jumping in the sack like that. Just because there is an instant attraction for some doesn't mean it will be there once you get to know things about that person. While if they get to know that person, even just a little, they might realize it before sleeping with them which in turn could save a heartache for one of those people or make it even better when they finally do. They have 6 weeks together so its not like it has to happen the first night or week even. BTW, I don't think not having sex or having it will doom a good match. Its how they handle things and behave that dooms things. 

 

ITA, this is a very unique situation so it's not like "real life" in which sleeping with a stranger who didn't work out could just be chalked up to being indiscriminate, shrug and move on.  It's more serious because they're already married when they do it.  So I think they'd better be sure they want to be married first before having sex.  If the sex turns out to be not good well, at least they waited until they liked the person, LOL.  I think both Tres and Vanessa should have waited.  Just because sex is important to them doesn't mean they have to rush into it, that's an excuse, IMHO.

[rab01]

ITA, this is a very unique situation so it's not like "real life" in which sleeping with a stranger who didn't work out could just be chalked up to being indiscriminate, shrug and move on.  It's more serious because they're already married when they do it.  ...

Being "married" isn't really what makes it more important. What makes it more important is that it's televised so you're announcing it to the world and random reruns may come around to remind you that you slept with someone who then dumped you on TV.  In that TV world, no one should sleep with someone until they are happy with it being public knowledge and how long to wait depends on the person. For the 20-year-olds on an MTV show, maybe its 20 minutes but for someone on a 6-week marriage show, I'd guess the average person would think it's around 3 weeks.

[Jack Sampson]

ITA, this is a very unique situation so it's not like "real life" in which sleeping with a stranger who didn't work out could just be chalked up to being indiscriminate, shrug and move on.  It's more serious because they're already married when they do it.  So I think they'd better be sure they want to be married first before having sex.  If the sex turns out to be not good well, at least they waited until they liked the person, LOL.  I think both Tres and Vanessa should have waited.  Just because sex is important to them doesn't mean they have to rush into it, that's an excuse, IMHO.

I think most guys would be offended if his wife didn't show him at least the same affection she showed a stranger. I'd be pissed if my wife had past hookups but expected me to wait weeks or even months. I'd pull a Sean and only show up for the cameras. It's like being punished for being the one idiot dumb enough to marry her first.

If you want to get to know the guy for an extended period first, don't go on this show.

[Neurochick]

It's not starting sex too early that's the problem, it's that having just married the guy, Vanessa assumed Tres wouldn't be just having his fun like no strings attached, but doing it within a serious relationship.  That isn't too much to assume in what at that time was a legally binding marriage  So I agree with Snarkle that Tres had the responsibility of being up front about not being on board with a serious commitment if he was just having fun with her at that time.  He could have said, "I want to have sex with you but if I do please understand that it's just for fun and not within the context of a true marital commitment."  Of course he'd never have said that because if he did he knew she would probably have said no.

I find this funny.  In real life, people don't talk like that, but maybe they should,  "I want to have sex with you but if I do please understand that it's just for fun and not within the context of a true marital commitment." That sounds like something out of a very interesting romance novel.

Edited March 15, 2016 by Neurochick

[psychoticstate]

Being "married" isn't really what makes it more important. What makes it more important is that it's televised so you're announcing it to the world and random reruns may come around to remind you that you slept with someone who then dumped you on TV.  In that TV world, no one should sleep with someone until they are happy with it being public knowledge and how long to wait depends on the person. For the 20-year-olds on an MTV show, maybe its 20 minutes but for someone on a 6-week marriage show, I'd guess the average person would think it's around 3 weeks.

 

For me, it's not the marriage or television that's important; it's whether or not I feel comfortable with the person.  While it worked out in Jason and Cortney's case, I think for the others who slept together quickly, they just didn't have time to get to know one another without the physical part impacting it.   I think Tres' excuse for not sleeping with Vanessa after a period was b.s., I do think the argument itself has merit.  After all, they were strangers on their wedding day and even if there was an immediate physical attraction, there is no friendship there yet and certainly no trust.

 

If Sam had not been so mean to Neil the first few weeks, I think they could have made it, even if they had not been intimate by Decision Day, because they would have had friendship and trust, regardless of marriage.

[Evil Queen]

I think most guys would be offended if his wife didn't show him at least the same affection she showed a stranger. I'd be pissed if my wife had past hookups but expected me to wait weeks or even months. I'd pull a Sean and only show up for the cameras. It's like being punished for being the one idiot dumb enough to marry her first.

If you want to get to know the guy for an extended period first, don't go on this show.

 

This is the thing, they are strangers. I think a wife could be just as offended as well. You can't expect someone to just have sex with you just because you are now married and there. I wouldn't have expect Neil to with Sam because of her crap and I certainly wouldn't have hoped David and Ashley would have. There is 2 right there that it was best they didn't and they knew it. If I wasn't feeling it or some sort of attraction to the guy there is no way I would want to in a day or week or more. If his personality is horrible I certain will not want to be with a man in that way either. Obviously the same goes for some men out there. Let's take Tres and Vanessa now. She showed plenty of affection to him and he showed her none IMO. All he wanted was sex and to brag about it once in happened on tv. Yet it shouldn't be about getting sex. Its about getting to know this stranger you married in hopes to make a connection in all ways. Yes sex is part of that connection but its not what should be the first one or biggest part of it in this show. If a guy or girl can't take the time to get to know this stranger they married before sex is brought into an already complicated situation then maybe its not a show they should be on. It should never be expected either IMO in this situation unless both people in the couple are comfortable with it.

 

For me, it's not the marriage or television that's important; it's whether or not I feel comfortable with the person.  While it worked out in Jason and Cortney's case, I think for the others who slept together quickly, they just didn't have time to get to know one another without the physical part impacting it.   I think Tres' excuse for not sleeping with Vanessa after a period was b.s., I do think the argument itself has merit.  After all, they were strangers on their wedding day and even if there was an immediate physical attraction, there is no friendship there yet and certainly no trust.

 

 

That is the think, Tres' excuse was total crap. He was done with it all after he got enough of what he wanted and was ready to move on. Before that he was saying he didn't know when she wanted to have sex when they were talking to one of the "experts". That he didn't want to "bother" her if she was tired or whatever else. Yet there was nothing else there. No affection shown outside the bedroom, no nothing. Saying he though they should have more of a friendship and get to know each other was crap. If that was the case then it should have been done before jumping into bed first. That is why I think these couples should take that time before they jump into sex. Of course if they had Tres might have used it as the reason for not working which still would have been bs. 

[Jack Sampson]

This is the thing, they are strangers. I think a wife could be just as offended as well. You can't expect someone to just have sex with you just because you are now married and there. I wouldn't have expect Neil to with Sam because of her crap and I certainly wouldn't have hoped David and Ashley would have. There is 2 right there that it was best they didn't and they knew it.

They'd still be married if Sam was affectionate and had sex with Neil.

[Evil Queen]

They'd still be married if Sam was affectionate and had sex with Neil.

 

Doubt it because Sam doesn't know the meaning of that word and Neil well....I don't think any of us know how he is on that subject since he ended up with a monster. LOL 

[okerry]

I think most guys would be offended if his wife didn't show him at least the same affection she showed a stranger. I'd be pissed if my wife had past hookups but expected me to wait weeks or even months. I'd pull a Sean and only show up for the cameras. It's like being punished for being the one idiot dumb enough to marry her first.

 

 

A hookup is more or less expected to be temporary. A marriage is supposed to be permanent. One way to help make sure the marriage is permanent is not to rush into sex just because you can (which is pretty much the definition of a hookup.)

 

For marriage, establish some sort of bond/relationship at least a few weeks before sex.

 

For a hookup, who cares about a bond/relationship? It's casual friendship at best. Marriage needs more than that.

 

I would sure hope that a person would treat their spouse much differently than they would a hookup. That's kind of the whole idea.

[BBDi]

Well, yes and no to what I see above.

Normally if you decide to hook up if you decide afterward that you're not interested you can just ghost them. Not a possibility for these couples.

Of course in real life there are sometimes people who do hook up and it becomes the start of a long term relationship.

The problem with Tres and Vanessa is that I think if they had hooked up in real life he would have ghosted her but she would have hoped for the latter.

Eta: of course on this show they are supposed to be married so theoretically if they do they do the deed it should be leading somewhere, but realistically, they know that in 6 weeks they will have an out if they want one.

Edited March 15, 2016 by BBDi

[Jack Sampson]

For marriage, establish some sort of bond/relationship at least a few weeks before sex.

I'd be fine with a week or two. But I would never wait 6 weeks or beyond like these guys are expected to. Like I said, after 2 weeks, I'd pull a Sean.

For a hookup, who cares about a bond/relationship? It's casual friendship at best. Marriage needs more than that.

I think that's my point, if you can't muster at least the same amount of affection for a husband that you can for a stranger, then there is no benefit to marriage. Marriage becomes almost punitive.

The guy's equivalent would be getting married, but still dating other women until you were sure about the wife. Few women would be okay with that because fidelity is a normal expectation within marriage. Same goes for sex.

[sleekandchic]

They'd still be married if Sam was affectionate and had sex with Neil.

Eek! No, no, and NO! Lol. I give Neil a lot more credit than that. :)

I've read SM comments about Neil's supposed asexuality or virginal status. I don't buy those theories. I think Neil became Mr Turtle and pulled his head into his shell like pronto! He recognized a natural predator in Sam, imo.

On the other hand, I could believe that Sam's experience with guys has been very limited. Her behaviors signaled defensiveness and fear to me -- and not necessarily because of Neil himself.

I can't forget her behavior outside the venue before her wedding ceremony. Hyperventilating, walking in circles like a caged animal, sitting down due to lightheadedness. I'm pretty sure Sam was the bride who expressed fear that she was "gonna puke in my dress." And recently we have Neil's interview in The Knot mentioning that the bride made him and the guests wait one hour before she entered. Obviously, she was very conflicted. She had not seen or heard Neil yet, so I'm guessing her doubts were based on something deeper.

And yet in the Matchmaking episode, Sam came across lighthearted and open to the experiment. She put on a good act, but why? (I don't think she believed she'd be chosen, actually.)

Anyway, if Neil had made the mistake of sleeping with her, he would have NEVER lived it down. Descriptions of his penis, his technique, his expertise, his stamina would STILL be discussed on Sam's Twitter. She is relentless, and Neil hasn't heard the last of her, IMO. The only reason he continues to compliment Sam's "growth" and to express ongoing friendship is his desire for self-preservation, IMO.

Thank God Neil used his intelligence to protect himself during the live experiment, as well as forevermore on the net.