MAFS Social Media, Spoilers & Speculation

[kira28]

 

Second, did I understand the interview? Did Vanessa say that Tres started rejecting sex BEFORE Decision Day? Yes, I think so, because she said when viewers see her so insecure, part of it was due to the lack of intimacy. So, why, why, why would Vanessa say yes to staying married? Now, I can understand Tres saying yes -- he wanted to be perceived as the Good Guy. But Vanessa? She explains exactly how Tres shut down on her, unwilling to discuss the sex issue. She was CRAZY to agree to stay married.

Agree with this! This is what I took from the article as well. Vanessa's overly clingy jealous behavior toward Tres female friend at the party makes a little more sense now if Tres stopped having sex with her.  I'm sorry but NO man (especially one in his 20's) stops having sex with an attractive woman when its offered and readily available.  He didn't do that out of the goodness of his heart. Either he was cheating and didn't want to sleep with two women at the  same time or he did not enjoy sex with Vanessa. I can NOT believe they agreed to stay married if they were not intimate. If he stopped having sex with her before decision day then they were only had sex for a few weeks at most. Wow. Tres really was not interested in Vanessa or he is just not a relationship type of guy who enjoys having sex with the same person on a regular basis. I feel bad for Vanessa. Sam is making a fool of herself on SM.

[qtpye]

I really do not think Sam is that into Neil, but she loves the attention she is getting right now.  Sam will probably have the hardest time adjusting to normal once the cameras are gone forever.

 

She probably really wanted to do the Married at First Sight:First Year show.

[Paddywagon]

I really do not think Sam is that into Neil, but she loves the attention she is getting right now. Sam will probably have the hardest time adjusting to normal once the cameras are gone forever.

She probably really wanted to do the Married at First Sight:First Year show.

I've been thinking the same thing. Sam's just using Neil to work her 15 minutes. I don't think she has a life outside social media cuz she camps it pretty hard. It's sorta sad, actually. (Like seeing a dead skunk in the road is sad. Draw what you choose from that analogy, lol.)

I didn't think about the follow-up show. Hmmm, maybe she did lose out on that and it's fueling her resentment.

[okerry]

I wonder if Jenna had been one of Tres' "friends with benefits" which is probably the most likely scenario if he brought her to the party.  She probably had aspirations of being more than that and Vanessa could sense it.  Honestly I trust Vanessa's gut instinct there - He probably already had stopped having sex with her with no explanation and then he brings an attractive female "friend" to the party.  Ho-kay.  I'd like to know how "secure" any woman would act under those circumstances.

I'd like to know that, too!

 

At any rate, Vanessa comes across as a lovely lady and I hope she's getting lots of sincere interest from gentlemen who'd love to have a wife like her. I guess that's one good thing about the show: Unless you're a total jerk in front of the camera, you're bound to get loads of other offers for dating and marriage if the Show marriage fails. Vanessa and David and Neil will all clean up, I'm sure.

[still hoping]

I always picked up on the way Tres would talk about this "experiment"

I got the feeling many times that he was "trying out" being married, appreciating the "experience" , but had no intention of actually committing to the marriage

He no doubt thought "this is the way it will be when I get married...5 years from now"

 

Yes...like most guys he was all about "consummating" the union....Ryan R was too last season

But...afterwards both came to conclusion this was not the woman they wanted for the rest of their life

Yes sometimes guys don't call back

Guys break up... and women do also.

Maybe in a regular dating situation Tres and Vanessa would have lasted longer? Then again there is that movie a few years ago "He is just not that into you"

The sad part is the so called experts put them together...and I have zero respect for Pepper for pushing for another "date" after the show ...ridiculous

Vanessa has been hurt enough

But I guess Pepper wants to keep her j-o-b

[Evil Queen]

I really do not think Sam is that into Neil, but she loves the attention she is getting right now.  Sam will probably have the hardest time adjusting to normal once the cameras are gone forever.

 

She probably really wanted to do the Married at First Sight:First Year show.

 

Of course she isn't into Neil. Its ALL about Sam and nothing more. She wants everyone to love her and pity her in this. Which sorry that is not happening here. I don't know if she wanted to keep going with the show but she sure wants the attention to keep coming her way. Her, Ashley and season 2 girls can all just go away already. Never to be heard from again IMO. 

 

  As for Vanessa she is holding herself very well through this all with class. I know a few others had said it over the season and wondered if sex had stopped because of some of what we saw. I know from the get go he didn't sit in good light for me. He barely touched her when she touched him. He just wanted sex and nothing more out of this. I don't think he even wants a relationship with anyone. I think he likes to get what he can from a woman and move on to the next. Once he got that a few times he was done. The excuse about wanting to stop it to build the friendship was a joke because if that was the case you wouldn't have been so keen on getting it asap and been able to hold off on that to build to that point in the relationship. I understand why Vanessa was acting as she had been. Who wouldn't in that situation? It would make you question things and what is up or if its your fault and so on. Yet because you have cameras filming you and not control over the editing she comes off looking insecure for no reasons at all when we were never getting the whole story. I think she won't have a problem though finding a good man when she is ready too. 

[Gigi43]

If the sex stopped during the 6 weeks Vanessa maybe should have tried to take it to the experts? At the very least, at least maybe one of them would tell her to take the hint? Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting it on Vanessa at all for not doing so, I'm just saying, it could have been a useful move but hindsight is 20/20. In previous seasons, didn't they have to check in with the "experts" almost weekly? Last year Jacqu experienced her Ryan pulling away after the first time they had sex (and she told one of the experts, I believe)... those girls are definitely backing the wrong s3 girl.

 

I think if race isn't as issue for either, Vanessa and David should at least go to dinner once. Why not?  I suspect race could be a factor in Tres not being with that Jenna girl, I got the feeling in the beginning of the season Tres dad's family would prefer a black woman since his white mother left, and Jenna is white. 

 

Sam, Neil not wanting to be with you isn't "holding resentment." He's also not obligated to forgive, but not wanting to date isn't the same as not forgiving. He's not sitting on SM holding pity parties that he was given a girl who insulted his manhood, that would be holding resentment, he seems to just want to let it all go. Sam wants to be chased, she wants attention. I'm sure once she has Neil, or any guy, she'll revert to form. The wedding, piled with Neil seeming passive made her comfortable in having him enough that she could be herself and he'd love it because she's wonderful. She thinks she so wonderful only good things about her should be seen, forget those pesky acts of unkindness, she's sorry for them since they made him leave and she looks bad to people.

Edited March 10, 2016 by Gigi43

[Vinyasa]

The Knot interview with Vanessa is a must read. What an asshole

https://www.theknot....ngs-for-me-6382

 

I don't think Tres comes off that way. He's not the worst of the worst. 

 

Vanessa doesn't say really bad things about him and answers a lot of the questions that should have been asked at the reunion. I think he wanted out fast as they only stayed together two months after the decision.

 

I hope she meant more to him that just time in the "fantasy suite".

Edited March 10, 2016 by Vinyasa

[JaggedLilPill]

Sam, Neil not wanting to be with you isn't "holding resentment." He's also not obligated to forgive, but not wanting to date isn't the same as not forgiving. He's not sitting on SM holding pity parties that he was given a girl who insulted his manhood, that would be holding resentment, he seems to just want to let it all go.

 

 

Yep! A) Everyone forgives on their own timeline. I hate when people whine that they haven't been forgiven fast enough. It's not about you. It's about the other person. Give them time or don't, but don't force it. B) Forgiveness comes in all shapes and sizes. Again, the idea that forgiveness means taking the other person back is bullshit. The fact that he's willing to be friends shows that he is more mature than most would be. He isn't bashing her on SM or trying to get others to feel sorry for him. 

 

People have pointed out to her that taking jabs at Neil is not going to help her cause. If anything, it'll only backfire. 

 

And I don't even think he's harboring resentment. He just isn't into you, Sam.. 

Edited March 10, 2016 by JaggedLilPill

[Evil Queen]

If the sex stopped during the 6 weeks Vanessa maybe should have tried to take it to the experts? At the very least, at least maybe one of them would tell her to take the hint? Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting it on Vanessa at all for not doing so, I'm just saying, it could have been a useful move but hindsight is 20/20. In previous seasons, didn't they have to check in with the "experts" almost weekly? Last year Jacqu experienced her Ryan pulling away after the first time they had sex (and she told one of the experts, I believe)... those girls are definitely backing the wrong s3 girl.

 

I think if race isn't as issue for either, Vanessa and David should at least go to dinner once. Why not?  I suspect race could be a factor in Tres not being with that Jenna girl, I got the feeling in the beginning of the season Tres dad's family would prefer a black woman since his white mother left, and Jenna is white. 

 

Sam, Neil not wanting to be with you isn't "holding resentment." He's also not obligated to forgive, but not wanting to date isn't the same as not forgiving. He's not sitting on SM holding pity parties that he was given a girl who insulted his manhood, that would be holding resentment, he seems to just want to let it all go. Sam wants to be chased, she wants attention. I'm sure once she has Neil, or any guy, she'll revert to form. The wedding, piled with Neil seeming passive made her comfortable in having him enough that she could be herself and he'd love it because she's wonderful. She thinks she so wonderful only good things about her should be seen, forget those pesky acts of unkindness, she's sorry for them since they made him leave and she looks bad to people.

 

Sadly I think if Vanessa said a word to those "experts" they would have blamed her and told her to try harder on her end of things. They don't seem to be good at their jobs in this at all and helping things along but instead making things worse at times depending on the couple. I do wish she would have said something during the 6 weeks as well. Either way though I think it wouldn't have worked out. Tres got what he wanted and to brag about it on tv. Once that happened he was done.

  As for the dating different races, it would be interesting if those 2 went out. Its probably who the experts should have put together to begin with. Yet it probably wouldn't have created drama if they had. Not like Tres and Vanessa ever really did and it wasn't much either with David and Ashley with her being so blah. I don't know if race has anything to do with things. Yes Tres Aunts want him to be with a black woman but in the end its what he wants and not them. He can't just marry someone on that alone because of them. They shouldn't pressure him with that either. I remember how they reacted when they saw Vanessa at the wedding too and it just came off in bad light too me. I think that no matter what Tres wants to play around still and is just not there for marriage at this point. He may never be or he will wake up one day and realize he wants to be. I don't fault him in that BUT I do in signing up for this show and allowing himself to be talked into it when he wasn't ready to be married at all. 

  Well said about Sam and Neil. Sam wants her pity party and attention. Nothing more than that. If he had turned around and wanted to try again she would be back to that same behavior. Even being friends with her he will see it happening to him. She should be grateful he has held his tongue and been a good, decent man by NOT going off on her and all she did during that time. Not many could be that way. All she keeps doing is running her mouth about her delusions she's got going over there. The girl needs mental help and not Pepper pushing them together. She is just one of those that the more they go on, the more people will see her for what she truly is. 

 

I don't think Tres comes off that way. He's not the worst of the worst. 

 

Vanessa doesn't say really bad things about him and answers a lot of the questions that should have been asked at the reunion. I think he wanted out fast as they only stayed together two months after the decision.

 

I hope she meant more to him that just time in the "fantasy suite".

 

Agree Tres isn't the worse. He could have done things differently or not signed up for this at all IMO but he isn't the worse one. The way Vanessa is about it all and how she talks shows the kind of woman she is. So good for her because there will be someone out there that will give her what she needs in a relationship and she will be comfortable and secure with to do the same. Sadly I kind of doubt she meant more to him than that. 

[sleekandchic]

Sam is just not letting up on Twitter. She is "keeping her fingers crossed" and "praying" that Neil might change his mind. She could never hate him cause he made her "the person that she is today." She promises to "continue to be the best friend I can be to Neil." Neil is "still amazing."

And this, from 43 minutes ago:

@Sam_MAFS

I meant we are just going to remain friends for now. Maybe he'll want something more down the line...?

She doesn't stop, and, imo, those "sweet" little sentiments are more like threats than kindness. She tags Neil on all that stuff. To me, it's a form of stalking.

I wonder if the show ever took the possibility of stalking by a disappointed participant seriously? Since the Twitter account is associated with MAFS (and not Sam's personal account) I think they should tell her to cool it.

Edited March 10, 2016 by sleekandchic

[BBDi]

Sam is just not letting up on Twitter. She is "keeping her fingers crossed" and "praying" that Neil might change his mind. She could never hate him cause he made her "the person that she is today." She promises to "continue to be the best friend I can be to Neil." Neil is "still amazing."

And this, from 43 minutes ago:

She doesn't stop, and, imo, those "sweet" little sentiments are more like threats than kindness. She tags Neil on all that stuff. To me, it's a form of stalking.

I wonder if the show ever took the possibility of stalking by a disappointed participant seriously? Since the Twitter account is associated with MAFS (and not Sam's personal account) I think they should tell her to cool it.

Hopefully they will. It seems like she was doing a lot of weird stuff on her social media prior to the decision day episode, trying to imply that they were still together.

I don't necessarily think she's a bunny-boiler but she is a habitual line stepper and needs to stop.

[Vinyasa]

Oh Sam, give it up now. You've already "danced down the aisle". You don't need to give an Oscar speech thanking Neil.

Edited March 10, 2016 by Vinyasa

[Liberty]

...Again, the idea that forgiveness means taking the other person back is bullshit. .....

 

Totally agree.  Somehow when Sam apologizes she thinks she will get what she wants, she makes the apology a manipulation.  She is not sincere because she is not trying to clear the air rather she is trying to get Neil to do specific things.  She does not see it as an expression of regret.

 

Similarly forgiving does not mean "I will now do as you wish master".  Forgiveness may be closer to not wishing the transgressor ill and moving forward in life without resentment or remorse.

 

Apology and forgiveness may be more connected with letting go than taking prisoners.  She seems unclear on both concepts.

Edited March 10, 2016 by Liberty

[lids]

Hmm, I could have sworn we DID know that Tres and Vanessa stopped having sex during the season. I remember a poster here commented about an 'extra scene' where Tres and Vanessa are talking to an expert and Vanessa tells the expert that they aren't having sex. The expert counsels them and Tres says he'll 'work on it.' It was probably one of the intimacy episodes.

I specifically remember because the poster said that Tres was acting like it was a chore that he would have to try to work on with Vanessa. Does anybody else remember talking about it in one of the threads? I'm not crazy, lol.

Also, I think they didn't put it in the show because it went against the narrative of Tres and Vanessa as fairy tale marriage.

[Lion18]

Wow! Several similarities between Tres and Ryan basement. Pursue the bride- have sex- lose all interest in the bride. Sounds familiar.

[Evil Queen]

Sam is just not letting up on Twitter. She is "keeping her fingers crossed" and "praying" that Neil might change his mind. She could never hate him cause he made her "the person that she is today." She promises to "continue to be the best friend I can be to Neil." Neil is "still amazing."

And this, from 43 minutes ago:

She doesn't stop, and, imo, those "sweet" little sentiments are more like threats than kindness. She tags Neil on all that stuff. To me, it's a form of stalking.

I wonder if the show ever took the possibility of stalking by a disappointed participant seriously? Since the Twitter account is associated with MAFS (and not Sam's personal account) I think they should tell her to cool it.

 

Sadly I could see Pepper butting in saying that they should be together and for Neil to go to her not from her. There is no way someone from that show would say a damn word on this. Even though they could have created a possible stalker situation from how she is coming off now. Yet if that is the case a lot of this would have to be put on Pepper for her not telling Sam to move on with her life and that he isn't going to come around but instead she was pushing for them to be together. UGH Now on the other hand Sam could be playing games. Which wouldn't surprise me as well if she was. The look at me I've changed let's gang up on Neil and make him want me even though if he comes back I will treat him like shit all over again type games. Either way things are all about her and what she wants no matter what. I think we all know how she will act if she is told to knock it off already and that he doesn't want her. 

 

Totally agree.  Somehow when Sam apologizes she thinks she will get what she wants, she makes the apology a manipulation.  She is not sincere because she is not trying to clear the air rather she is trying to get Neil to do specific things.  She does not see it as an expression of regret.

 

Similarly forgiving does not mean "I will now do as you wish master".  Forgiveness may be closer to not wishing the transgressor ill and moving forward in life without resentment or remorse.

 

Apology and forgiveness may be more connected with letting go than taking prisoners.  She seems unclear on both concepts.

 

Well said and couldn't agree more with it!!! 

 

Hmm, I could have sworn we DID know that Tres and Vanessa stopped having sex during the season. I remember a poster here commented about an 'extra scene' where Tres and Vanessa are talking to an expert and Vanessa tells the expert that they aren't having sex. The expert counsels them and Tres says he'll 'work on it.' It was probably one of the intimacy episodes.

I specifically remember because the poster said that Tres was acting like it was a chore that he would have to try to work on with Vanessa. Does anybody else remember talking about it in one of the threads? I'm not crazy, lol.

Also, I think they didn't put it in the show because it went against the narrative of Tres and Vanessa as fairy tale marriage.

 

I don't remember but I do remember at least a couple posters saying that they felt or it came off as if they stopped being intimate. So maybe that was it? I could be wrong since like I said I don't remember it. I know there was something said there but it could have been more affection shown outside of sex. I have no clue at this point. LOL 

[rab01]

I don't think that Tres is the worst human on Earth even after reading the interview. Yeah there's stuff to criticize about how he handled it but ... *shrug* no one is perfect and I don't think any of us know for sure how we'd act when we knew we were being filmed for this lunacy. That said, her interview made it clear that the experiment failing and her looking clingy was all his *fault*, not hers. (Also, I really hate that he reinforced the stereotype that there are a bunch of guys out there who are only interested until they get it wet and then are out.) Look, if he's not feeling it, he's not feeling it and nothing she could have done (other than be someone else entirely or have him age a decade overnight) could have helped. I just wish that the TV program had shown us that dynamic and had trusted to show some painful discussions on air with experts who were ready to prod at the relationship. That footage might have been more entertaining than what we got and it certainly would have been more thoughtful.

 

As for Sam on twitter, she's not good at it. She clearly doesn't know how to craft her responses to put herself in a good light and is responding to too many people but ... anyone who goes o this show wants to become famous, at least a little bit. If that's part of what she still wants, I don't expect her to abandon twitter. For her sake, I wish she got a trusted confidant to approve/disapprove everything she posted for a few months. I do believe her that seeing how she acted on TV appalled her and inspired her to try to change. Whether it works or not won't be Neil's problem.

 

As for Dave and Ashley, feh. They never had a chance so what's left to discuss? The season 2 girls siding with someone else who got a "bad edit"? C'mon, of course they feel sympathy and solidarity with her. They aren't in the house with Dave and Ashley but know what happened to themselves on TV so it's human nature to side with a girl who looks like she's getting the same treatment.  I can't say I cared for the Ashley character that appeared on screen (and don't believe that the real person is an introvert) but I bear her no ill-will in real life and would have, in theory, no problem with her being my nurse.   

Edited March 10, 2016 by rab01

[lids]

Ahhh, ok found the discussion. By the way, the search engine here is confusing

[still hoping]

LOL>>>no one is ever satisfied...not even us "watchers" haha

 

If Ashley had sex with David then dumped him and made excuses...we would be hatin on her. Face it...most guys will be "interested" and want to get it on

just like Ryan R and Tres and the guy with Monet...but then they decide they want to just be "friends" ..they are not in love

 

Many women are able to decide that before they "try the milk" ...they realize they don't want the cow and they are not going for casual sex with someone they have no desire for...I do think a guy would probably be ready to try unless the woman was Quasimodo or something. LOL

 

If you don't feel anything why pursue this? ON bachelor you can walk off..gee thanks but no thanks. I recall a lot walking off when they had that ugly Lorenzo guy

and also they were bailing on obnoxious dude from Miami (via Argentina)...I forget his name now

 

This is a hard show. The success stories seem to be younger couples - with less baggage...and not in "show biz"...the 2 guys who found love (one us, one au) are not salesmen. Vanessa needs a guy more like David but not David IMHO - not about race, more about his "past" and his creepy obsessive nature.

I think Vanessa would be good with a guy maybe 5 years older than her, really ready to settle down?

[Snarklepuss]

Well I don't really think Tres is an "asshole"....he stopped sex when he realized he did not have deep feelings for Vanessa and those feelings were not developing.

 

He did not lead her on or drag it out. From what they both say this did last 2? months after decision day but obviously growing further and further apart.

 

According to that interview he stopped having sex with her BEFORE decision day but chose to continue the relationship anyway leaving her totally confused but still hopeful.  If that's not leading someone on, I don't know what is.  And he didn't tell her he didn't have feelings for her until AFTER decision day when he obviously didn't have them going back to before that time.  I just think that was wrong and very hurtful of Vanessa.  I was saying for weeks that he was putting on an act for the show but didn't really have genuine feelings for her.  I was  one of the lone prophets on this board along with qtype, Evil Queen and moonxyz chanting that over and over again and getting challenged left and right that Tres is a "sweetheart", and a "nice person".  Sorry but even nice people can do some pretty horrible things to other people.  Tres didn't owe Vanessa a relationship or genuine feelings for her but he did owe her the respect of telling her that his feelings for her had faded before decision day so as not to raise her hopes any further than they already were.  Him agreeing to continue the marriage past the 6 week mark only set her up for more hurt.  The woman was falling in love with him, that was the WRONG thing to do to her.  And don't tell me he didn't already know his feelings had faded - Ending the sex with her with no explanation is all the proof I need that he knew right then and there.  I refuse to say "Oh poor Tres, he's a nice guy who just makes mistakes".  He's a freaking HEEL who hurt a woman who was in love with him due to his reckless immaturity and deception!  I am sorry but I refuse to give him a pass on that.  Vanessa's feelings count for something here and in my opinion he didn't respect them enough.  I just can't believe this is even an issue.  Some men can get away with anything I suppose.

 

Vanessa says two key things in that interview that give Tres away as a complete selfish turd and asshole - She says that some of what viewers saw as her insecurity was brought on by him just having dropped her sexually without any explanation.  I know men and I think that's the mark of an extremely selfish and immature man - Or in Tres' case an overgrown "kidult" who doesn't even have a clue how he can hurt someone with his lack of awareness.  He owed her the respect of telling her why he stopped the physical intimacy and not BSing that it was "to focus on the friendship".  What a line of PC Bullshit!!!  He knew goddamned well that he had decided she wasn't for him but continued to want to play the nice guy so that viewers would see him that way.  The other thing she said is that Tres is used to getting what he wants - That tells me she knows he is a conceited ass who uses women because he knows he can have just about any woman he wants.

 

It just amazes me how good this guy is at selling his line of shit.  I suppose he could sell ice to Eskimos.  Thankfully, my mother raised me to smell Bullshit a mile away.

[still hoping]

So if Ashley had sex with David and then dumped him I guess some here would call her even more names?

IMHO she wanted out - and this show does not let them out so easily as others

 

This show leaves very few "winners" and many unhappy people in it's wake. No doubt Sean did want to be on Amazing Race, Tres wanted to be on Bachelor or "some dating show"....Jessica wanted to be on any show for years it seems. They settled for this show but the stakes are higher. I wonder if they should film 6 couples then show the best 3? But no most of these people do want to be on tv (Jamie Jamie Jamie )

 

The "oh so wronged women" of season 2 still are trying for any attention...remember when they thought a spin off show about the 3 of them would be a good idea? No producers thought that

 

But will I watch? Yeah..on demand...fast forward a bit ...will follow the boards. One thing I still enjoy on this show and the other "lesser channel" shows is the spoilers, the snark, the heated social media. I think many on the "major channels" reality shows are more insulated, with a layer of PR and social media people.

And who knows? we might get another "love story" one of these times? I just don't know if I can stomach Pepper....used to like her now I can't stand her

 

 

[floridaskixx]

According to that interview he stopped having sex with her BEFORE decision day but chose to continue the relationship anyway leaving her totally confused but still hopeful. If that's not leading someone on, I don't know what is. And he didn't tell her he didn't have feelings for her until AFTER decision day when he obviously didn't have them going back to before that time. I just think that was wrong and very hurtful of Vanessa. I was saying for weeks that he was putting on an act for the show but didn't really have genuine feelings for her. I was one of the lone prophets on this board along with qtype, Evil Queen and moonxyz chanting that over and over again and getting challenged left and right that Tres is a "sweetheart", and a "nice person". Sorry but even nice people can do some pretty horrible things to other people. Tres didn't owe Vanessa a relationship or genuine feelings for her but he did owe her the respect of telling her that his feelings for her had faded before decision day so as not to raise her hopes any further than they already were. Him agreeing to continue the marriage past the 6 week mark only set her up for more hurt. The woman was falling in love with him, that was the WRONG thing to do to her. And don't tell me he didn't already know his feelings had faded - Ending the sex with her with no explanation is all the proof I need that he knew right then and there. I refuse to say "Oh poor Tres, he's a nice guy who just makes mistakes". He's a freaking HEEL who hurt a woman who was in love with him due to his reckless immaturity and deception! I am sorry but I refuse to give him a pass on that. Vanessa's feelings count for something here and in my opinion he didn't respect them enough. I just can't believe this is even an issue. Some men can get away with anything I suppose.

Vanessa says two key things in that interview that give Tres away as a complete selfish turd and asshole - She says that some of what viewers saw as her insecurity was brought on by him just having dropped her sexually without any explanation. I know men and I think that's the mark of an extremely selfish and immature man - Or in Tres' case an overgrown "kidult" who doesn't even have a clue how he can hurt someone with his lack of awareness. He owed her the respect of telling her why he stopped the physical intimacy and not BSing that it was "to focus on the friendship". What a line of PC Bullshit!!! He knew goddamned well that he had decided she wasn't for him but continued to want to play the nice guy so that viewers would see him that way. The other thing she said is that Tres is used to getting what he wants - That tells me she knows he is a conceited ass who uses women because he knows he can have just about any woman he wants.

It just amazes me how good this guy is at selling his line of shit. I suppose he could sell ice to Eskimos. Thankfully, my mother raised me to smell Bullshit a mile away.

You better preach! I'm not going to lie, I loved them but something about Tres seemed so off to me. I never admitted it on here tho bc the way he professed how much he appreciated V and stuff on social media, I just assumed I was wrong (another thing that pissed me off: the fact that he was literally talking as if they were still together, saying he would ask her out at a bar if they met outside the show, posting pics of them together, and all that mess. like, that would be torture for me if I wasn't with someone).

I wished I trusted my gut like Vanessa and saw past it

[CindyK]

I find the way Tres played things up on social media disgusting as well. It was 10x worse than Sam because he kept implying that they were still a couple, not just that he was generally fond of her or the time they spent together (for whatever amount of time that was). Just last week, after decision day, he tweeted to Vanessa directly "Can I have your number?" Given that they hadn't spoken for months and that it ended so badly, that seems exceptionally cruel. I'm glad he's being exposed. Vanessa is too good for him IMO.

[wannabethe1]

Ashley has unfollowed everyone from this season on Twitter now -- not just david! lol This woman is a piece of work.

[ctbabe]

Ashley has unfollowed everyone from this season on Twitter now -- not just david! lol This woman is a piece of work.

Since she is the only 'genuine' one, I am assuming she is distancing herself from everyone else

[ctbabe]

Neil and Sam's knot interview

https://www.theknot.com/news/married-at-first-sight-neil-bowlus-sam-role-post-breakup-building-friendship-6410

Key takeaways

'We asked Bowlus if he has forgiven Role following their Married at First Sight experience. “I think that everybody has a different level of forgiveness and how you forgive people,” he acknowledged. “For me, I do forgive Sam, and I equate that with being friends with her. I don’t hate Sam by any means whatsoever. Her change is admirable. I’m very proud of her. I understand our relationship and what we’ve had, and I’m thankful for that and I value it. But there’s the other part of forgiveness. I can forgive and still have an amicable relationship, but forgive to have a deeper romantic relationship, that’s different.“'

“She’s a different Sam than I knew coming into this, and for her, for me, for everyone, that’s a great thing and I’m extremely happy for that,” he continued. “Is that gonna change my feelings on it? I don’t believe so. After Decision Day, I had a ridiculous amount of therapy on my own to talk about it and work through all those feelings.'

He really is done with her.. she did too much damage.

[sleekandchic]

Ashley is so special. I know her mom thinks the sun and the moon rise and set on the snowflake that she is.

Re Ashley's overdone makeup at the six-month check-in: Poor thing has a genuine facial-hair catastrophe going on. Her upper lip got lots of comments, but in the last couple of episodes, I noticed a true five-o'clock-beard-shadow, too. I'm thinking Ashley shaves, rather than waxes, lasers or electrolysis? Maybe that's why she doesn't want anybody kissing even her cheek? Rough and bristly?

So the heavy-duty foundation, I think, was meant to mask her facial hair. I noticed also that her surgical-dent was better camouflaged. AND, maybe I'm misremembering, but I think Ashley sat left of screen, leaving Pepper sitting right. However, with all the other interviews, Pepper seemed to prefer the left position. Plus Ashley kept her face a little tilted away from the camera. I think she was hyperaware of her appearance this time.

Maybe if she been a more pleasant person, production could have saved her a lot of angst just by working the magic of proper lighting and camera filters.

I read a biography of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, and she was bothered her entire life with her very dark and thick facial and body hair. She resorted to bleaching the hair on her lower arms blonde, but she still hated the effect. And her facial maintenance was unbelievably annoying and time-consuming. I think of Jackie when I see Ashley, because the raven hair and French ethnicity are similar.

But in 2016, there are many alternatives for long-lasting hair removal. If Ashley IS shaving, she must stop that! Go to a dermatologist and see what's recommended for her particular problems. Mary seems like a loving, involved mom. Maybe she can gently suggest to Ash that it's time for a change.

[sleekandchic]

Neil's intelligence and sensitivity shine through in that interview, ctbabe.

Make no mistake, he was deeply wounded by Sam's treatment of him. What quite a few observers interpreted as Neil's passiveness and asexual nonchalance, I always thought of as an astute guy holding himself together MIGHTILY rather than disgrace himself, his career or his family on camera. I'm impressed that he sought therapy after decision day.

What Sam is currently playing at on SM is just evil. Vindictive and evil.

[Waterlilly]

What stood out to me was that Neil said he got therapy, something they all should do. The other thing was that he was at Tres' apartment to go out, he seems like a good friend. I'm surprised David wasn't there. He is done period. He needs to find a kind person like his mother and grandmother.

[BunnySlippers]

This is just all so sad. I wanted to see romance and love develop between two people; I wanted to see stories where the participants give each other a chance, get to know each other, and fall in love; not a show that destroys people's lives and sends them to therapy because of all the damage that has been done. Anybody considering signing up for this show should be aware that this show is not really about trying to match people and making them happy. It's about ratings and controversy and the producers don't give a shit about what happens to the participants during and after the filming. I don't know if I'll watch the next season (probably, since I'll still want to see the new people), but I'll look at all the participants with suspicion, wondering what really made them sign up for it and whether they really take this thing seriously. My prediction is that the next season will be a total failure, too.

Edited March 11, 2016 by BunnySlippers

[ctbabe]

What stood out to me was that Neil said he got therapy, something they all should do. The other thing was that he was at Tres' apartment to go out, he seems like a good friend. I'm surprised David wasn't there. He is done period. He needs to find a kind person like his mother and grandmother.

It has been stated that all participants are offered therapy from an independent psychologist after the show. It seems Neil smartly took the offer.

[Snarklepuss]

Ashley is so special. I know her mom thinks the sun and the moon rise and set on the snowflake that she is.

Re Ashley's overdone makeup at the six-month check-in: Poor thing has a genuine facial-hair catastrophe going on. Her upper lip got lots of comments, but in the last couple of episodes, I noticed a true five-o'clock-beard-shadow, too. I'm thinking Ashley shaves, rather than waxes, lasers or electrolysis? Maybe that's why she doesn't want anybody kissing even her cheek? Rough and bristly?

So the heavy-duty foundation, I think, was meant to mask her facial hair. I noticed also that her surgical-dent was better camouflaged. AND, maybe I'm misremembering, but I think Ashley sat left of screen, leaving Pepper sitting right. However, with all the other interviews, Pepper seemed to prefer the left position. Plus Ashley kept her face a little tilted away from the camera. I think she was hyperaware of her appearance this time.

Maybe if she been a more pleasant person, production could have saved her a lot of angst just by working the magic of proper lighting and camera filters.

I read a biography of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, and she was bothered her entire life with her very dark and thick facial and body hair. She resorted to bleaching the hair on her lower arms blonde, but she still hated the effect. And her facial maintenance was unbelievably annoying and time-consuming. I think of Jackie when I see Ashley, because the raven hair and French ethnicity are similar.

But in 2016, there are many alternatives for long-lasting hair removal. If Ashley IS shaving, she must stop that! Go to a dermatologist and see what's recommended for her particular problems. Mary seems like a loving, involved mom. Maybe she can gently suggest to Ash that it's time for a change.

 

As someone with light skin, and dark hair who suffers from this same problem, I can tell you that even laser hair removal is often not successful for permanent results.  Ashley may even have had a treatment before the season started but was unable to go back during the process and just let it grow without taking other measures.  When I was young I used bleach on my lip and arms and resorted to shaving my chin because there was too much to pluck, but later about 10 years ago went for laser treatments, which worked for a few weeks but then things started growing again and there'd be a shadow.  Sometimes even when the hair is plucked or lasered off you can still see a shadow depending on how light your skin and dark your hair is, and how much hair there is....I've read that the darker and thicker the hair and lighter the skin is, the less successful those treatments are (and that was true of me).....It truly sucks.  If I were her I would have resorted to a razor to get me through for sure.

Edited March 11, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[Evil Queen]

So if Ashley had sex with David and then dumped him I guess some here would call her even more names?

IMHO she wanted out - and this show does not let them out so easily as others

 

 I just don't know if I can stomach Pepper....used to like her now I can't stand her

 

For me I don't think its the best thing for these couples to just be jumping in bed. Look at the ones that did and how it turned out. Vanessa didn't right away but she did not long after. Tres was obvious about wanting to get her in bed and that was it. I wish they would just wait it out because its not always the best thing to go off the attraction or just to do it because you are expected to since you are married. It brings a layer to things that most these couples wouldn't be ready for. I do understand what you are saying about Ashley and David. Yet there was no way she was giving it up and I would hope they wouldn't have just done it because they got married. Even Neil, I am glad it never happened there because the way Sam was. I think her behavior turned him off to never want it from her during it. Which in turn for me is why I think its more important for these couples to get to know each other before jumping into that part of things. Its why I have hated that fish bowl of Logan's because it was pushing that part of things so much and nothing more. I rather see a fish bowl of questions that had them open up in and tell the other person more about themselves. 

   Agree on Pepper. I'm so disgusted by her. So far we have seen the other 3 are not coming back but we have heard nothing on her right? I hope she is done.

 

I find the way Tres played things up on social media disgusting as well. It was 10x worse than Sam because he kept implying that they were still a couple, not just that he was generally fond of her or the time they spent together (for whatever amount of time that was). Just last week, after decision day, he tweeted to Vanessa directly "Can I have your number?" Given that they hadn't spoken for months and that it ended so badly, that seems exceptionally cruel. I'm glad he's being exposed. Vanessa is too good for him IMO.

 

While they do the show I understand having to play it up. They can't give it away. Since they said they were staying married they had to still play it up until that aired. Now after its all out there...well yeah I have no respect for someone that wants back in all of a sudden. I have a feeling there are things we don't know went on and could have been after the 6 weeks but Vanessa is not one to air her dirty laundry for all to see. Which the way she has been on SM and in interviews during the show and now has been respectful. I hope she keeps it up and doesn't have some change all of a sudden. She keeps herself classy in and will come out in the end for the better. And I'll say it, I  wouldn't be surprised if he wanted back in touch for a booty call. 

 

“She’s a different Sam than I knew coming into this, and for her, for me, for everyone, that’s a great thing and I’m extremely happy for that,” he continued. “Is that gonna change my feelings on it? I don’t believe so. After Decision Day, I had a ridiculous amount of therapy on my own to talk about it and work through all those feelings.'

He really is done with her.. she did too much damage.

 

I am so glad he will never take her back. For me, she hasn't changed and never will as far as I can see it. I think he knows that deep down too but he is a good guy that isn't going to say such a thing. I am glad he got therapy. If anyone needed it after this show it was him after being put through all that. I can imagine there was things we didn't see over those 6 weeks that happened as well but just what we say was enough to know he would need it. Hopefully he will find that one that clicks with him and works. 

 

This is just all so sad. I wanted to see romance and love develop between two people; I wanted to see stories where the participants give each other a chance, get to know each other, and fall in love; not a show that destroys people's lives and sends them to therapy because of all the damage that has been done. Anybody considering signing up for this show should be aware that this show is not really about trying to match people and making them happy. It's about ratings and controversy and the producers don't give a shit what happens to the participants during and after the filming. I don't know if I'll watch the next season (probably, since I'll still want to see the new people), but I'll look at all the participants with suspicion, wondering what really made them to sign up for it and whether they really take this thing seriously. My prediction is that the next season will be a total failure, too.

 

Sadly those behind the show don't think we do. Yet I think many of us would like to see that as well. Drama does come with that also when problems naturally happen. So its not like we could get drama free but obviously they don't want to take that chance so they slap the whoever together that will make for drama...they hope. Its been obvious they don't care what happens as long as they get the drama and ratings they need to stay on tv. Otherwise if they gave a crap they would step in to abusive situations or pull the plug on the dead and going nowhere marriages. 

[qtpye]

As someone with light skin, and dark hair who suffers from this same problem, I can tell you that even laser hair removal is often not successful for permanent results.  Ashley may even have had a treatment before the season started but was unable to go back during the process and just let it grow without taking other measures.  When I was young I used bleach on my lip and arms and resorted to shaving my chin because there was too much to pluck, but later about 10 years ago went for laser treatments, which worked for a few weeks but then things started growing again and there'd be a shadow.  Sometimes even when the hair is plucked or lasered off you can still see a shadow depending on how light your skin and dark your hair is, and how much hair there is....I've read that the darker and thicker the hair and lighter the skin is, the less successful those treatments are (and that was true of me).....It truly sucks.  If I were her I would have resorted to a razor to get me through for sure.

 

This is totally off topic, but there has always been an urban legend that Marilyn Monroe was covered in a very fine blonde fuzz on her face and body.  Instead of shaving her, they just put make up over it and it allowed the hairs to catch light...causing her to "sparkle" on camera.  I have no idea if this is true.

 

In all honesty, Ashley is a perfectly attractive girl (even with the facial hair), but it's her treatment of David (even after the show had ended) that is causing her to appear ugly.  I think she was floored that America just did not fall in love with her.  She also greatly underestimated the intelligence of the audience and overestimated her own acting abilities.

 

For me I don't think its the best thing for these couples to just be jumping in bed. Look at the ones that did and how it turned out. Vanessa didn't right away but she did not long after. Tres was obvious about wanting to get her in bed and that was it. I wish they would just wait it out because its not always the best thing to go off the attraction or just to do it because you are expected to since you are married. It brings a layer to things that most these couples wouldn't be ready for. I do understand what you are saying about Ashley and David. Yet there was no way she was giving it up and I would hope they wouldn't have just done it because they got married. Even Neil, I am glad it never happened there because the way Sam was. I think her behavior turned him off to never want it from her during it. Which in turn for me is why I think its more important for these couples to get to know each other before jumping into that part of things. Its why I have hated that fish bowl of Logan's because it was pushing that part of things so much and nothing more. I rather see a fish bowl of questions that had them open up in and tell the other person more about themselves. 

   Agree on Pepper. I'm so disgusted by her. So far we have seen the other 3 are not coming back but we have heard nothing on her right? I hope she is done.

 

 

While they do the show I understand having to play it up. They can't give it away. Since they said they were staying married they had to still play it up until that aired. Now after its all out there...well yeah I have no respect for someone that wants back in all of a sudden. I have a feeling there are things we don't know went on and could have been after the 6 weeks but Vanessa is not one to air her dirty laundry for all to see. Which the way she has been on SM and in interviews during the show and now has been respectful. I hope she keeps it up and doesn't have some change all of a sudden. She keeps herself classy in and will come out in the end for the better. And I'll say it, I  wouldn't be surprised if he wanted back in touch for a booty call. 

 

 

I am so glad he will never take her back. For me, she hasn't changed and never will as far as I can see it. I think he knows that deep down too but he is a good guy that isn't going to say such a thing. I am glad he got therapy. If anyone needed it after this show it was him after being put through all that. I can imagine there was things we didn't see over those 6 weeks that happened as well but just what we say was enough to know he would need it. Hopefully he will find that one that clicks with him and works. 

 

 

Sadly those behind the show don't think we do. Yet I think many of us would like to see that as well. Drama does come with that also when problems naturally happen. So its not like we could get drama free but obviously they don't want to take that chance so they slap the whoever together that will make for drama...they hope. Its been obvious they don't care what happens as long as they get the drama and ratings they need to stay on tv. Otherwise if they gave a crap they would step in to abusive situations or pull the plug on the dead and going nowhere marriages. 

 

I know some guys who think a woman should never jump into bed with a man.  This is not because they think it is wrong for a woman to enjoy sex or that a woman is tainted or impure after sex.  They said a lot of men are into the chase and actually care very little about the woman they are pursuing.  Some clues are that a guy is being really romantic, but not trying to get to know about you.

 

Like if a man brings you flowers and takes you out for a romantic dinner, he should be sincerely trying to get to know you and not feeding you two cent lines.  Also, any guy that is really into you is not going to pressure you for sex until you are ready.  I am not saying Tres did these things, but there was something phony in the way he was behaving.

 

I am also not saying women are not allowed to enjoy casual sex.  I am sure there are some women out there who would also like to "hit it and quit it"

 

I want to commend Vanessa and Neil on their behavior after the show.  A lot of reality show participants are scum of the earth and act like it. 

 

These two have kept is classy and have not thrown their former spouses under the bus (to use a cliched reality term).

Edited March 11, 2016 by qtpye

[Liberty]

In all honesty, Ashley is a perfectly attractive girl (even with the facial hair), but it's her treatment of David (even after the show had ended) that is causing her to appear ugly.  I think she was floored that America just did not fall in love with her.  She also greatly underestimated the intelligence of the audience and overestimated her own acting abilities.

 

Wonderful observation!

[Snarklepuss]

While they do the show I understand having to play it up. They can't give it away. Since they said they were staying married they had to still play it up until that aired. Now after its all out there...well yeah I have no respect for someone that wants back in all of a sudden. I have a feeling there are things we don't know went on and could have been after the 6 weeks but Vanessa is not one to air her dirty laundry for all to see. Which the way she has been on SM and in interviews during the show and now has been respectful. I hope she keeps it up and doesn't have some change all of a sudden. She keeps herself classy in and will come out in the end for the better. And I'll say it, I  wouldn't be surprised if he wanted back in touch for a booty call.

 

I just can't fathom why he would do that publicly if he was looking to get back in with her in any way much less a booty call.  Why not private message her?  It just shows such a lack of class on his part, meanwhile I am actually impressed with the amount of class Vanessa has.  She could have smeared his name and made him look much worse but she has kept it classy and stayed above slinging the mud in public.  I am good at reading between the lines and I am sure there is a lot more ugly crap about Tres that she is not airing in public. Good for Vanessa, though.  I didn't even think that about her originally but now I see that she is truly "the total package".  She has more class in her pinky than any of the others this season, including David, IMHO.

[ChristmasJones]

Here is another good excerpt from Neil's interview with The Knot where he talks about how he felt about Sam's nasty comments to him during the first few weeks:

 

“I’ve never had a friendship, even like a basic friendship where somebody would say things of that nature to a person, not even just a friend. Those comments were surprising, and that’s what kinda set me back in a place where I didn’t feel safe and I couldn’t open up.”

“Now if that’s part of a marriage… if it is, then holy crap… I might need to reevaluate getting married,” Bowlus said. “There are things that I would never say to somebody. To me, that’s the most shocking thing. It’s probably how I was raised by my mom and my grandmother; they’re extremely nice people. They’re kind and they’re cautious of your feelings and who you are as a person. To hear some of those things and be on the receiving end was very detrimental in the long run.”

 

I think this shows us exactly why Neil didn't appear to "try harder to communicate" with Sam as the experiment went on.

Shame on Pepper for glossing over this!!!!!

[Nffftshewasgone]

Here is another good excerpt from Neil's interview with The Knot where he talks about how he felt about Sam's nasty comments to him during the first few weeks:

“I’ve never had a friendship, even like a basic friendship where somebody would say things of that nature to a person, not even just a friend. Those comments were surprising, and that’s what kinda set me back in a place where I didn’t feel safe and I couldn’t open up.”

“Now if that’s part of a marriage… if it is, then holy crap… I might need to reevaluate getting married,” Bowlus said. “There are things that I would never say to somebody. To me, that’s the most shocking thing. It’s probably how I was raised by my mom and my grandmother; they’re extremely nice people. They’re kind and they’re cautious of your feelings and who you are as a person. To hear some of those things and be on the receiving end was very detrimental in the long run.”

I think this shows us exactly why Neil didn't appear to "try harder to communicate" with Sam as the experiment went on.

Shame on Pepper for glossing over this!!!!!

Have to totally agree with this. He's classy, she's not.

Which makes me think of the scene during their honeymoon where she says they're both nice people...HA! This, while messing with her hair and putting it up in a bun at a dining table. I see this a lot lately -- WHY would someone think this is okay? It's not, and is gross. If you know you're going to eat and your nasty mane is going to get in the way, deal with it before you enter the restaurant, please. Please.

End of rant.

[Evil Queen]

Here is another good excerpt from Neil's interview with The Knot where he talks about how he felt about Sam's nasty comments to him during the first few weeks:

 

“I’ve never had a friendship, even like a basic friendship where somebody would say things of that nature to a person, not even just a friend. Those comments were surprising, and that’s what kinda set me back in a place where I didn’t feel safe and I couldn’t open up.”

“Now if that’s part of a marriage… if it is, then holy crap… I might need to reevaluate getting married,” Bowlus said. “There are things that I would never say to somebody. To me, that’s the most shocking thing. It’s probably how I was raised by my mom and my grandmother; they’re extremely nice people. They’re kind and they’re cautious of your feelings and who you are as a person. To hear some of those things and be on the receiving end was very detrimental in the long run.”

 

I think this shows us exactly why Neil didn't appear to "try harder to communicate" with Sam as the experiment went on.

Shame on Pepper for glossing over this!!!!!

 

There was a few of us saying he wasn't trying to because of how Sam would react. He is a kind and decent guy that ended up stuck with a narcissistic bitch. I hope he learned from therapy that marriage isn't suppose to be that way. I was disgusted with Pepper for not bringing it up but the more and more that has been said by Neil the more I am pissed that she didn't and she ran after Sam to give her comfort and then later tries to push them together. Does the woman even care that she was part of a group that put him in this harmful situation and then tried to talk him into going back to it? If she has FB or Twitter I hope she is getting slammed over it all. When will those wake up that hope these 2 get together again and realize the damage she did in 6 weeks to him and how wrong it is?

 

Have to totally agree with this. He's classy, she's not.

Which makes me think of the scene during their honeymoon where she says they're both nice people...HA! This, while messing with her hair and putting it up in a bun at a dining table. I see this a lot lately -- WHY would someone think this is okay? It's not, and is gross. If you know you're going to eat and your nasty mane is going to get in the way, deal with it before you enter the restaurant, please. Please.

End of rant.

 

OMG how many times did she say that too? And didn't she also say something like they were both caring (or some other word like it) a few times when she said they were both nice people? She has no clue what being nice is. I'm glad Neil is speaking out but he is also doing it in a classy way as well. He isn't being as mean as some would be over it all or even should be IMO. Her doing most things was gross. She couldn't even eat without making sounds. UGH 

 

BTW, in that interview she talked about when she took her ring off and it was a week after decision day she says but yet she had to wear it to the 6 month and claim whatever BS she did in that with Pepper when asked about it. SMH The whole thing with her saying she wished he gave a heads up on the divorce. If he had she would have gone off and he knew it. Plus I can imagine the show makes it clear not to be to open with that until they have to say it for the big day. She is insane and so are those sitting there hoping they get back together and that she has changed. She puts on a good act that is for sure for all that will listen to her pity me crap. 

Edited March 12, 2016 by Evil Queen

[ChristmasJones]

I hope Neil sent his therapy bill to the producers of MAFS!!!!!

[Snarklepuss]

Here is another good excerpt from Neil's interview with The Knot where he talks about how he felt about Sam's nasty comments to him during the first few weeks:

 

“I’ve never had a friendship, even like a basic friendship where somebody would say things of that nature to a person, not even just a friend. Those comments were surprising, and that’s what kinda set me back in a place where I didn’t feel safe and I couldn’t open up.”

“Now if that’s part of a marriage… if it is, then holy crap… I might need to reevaluate getting married,” Bowlus said. “There are things that I would never say to somebody. To me, that’s the most shocking thing. It’s probably how I was raised by my mom and my grandmother; they’re extremely nice people. They’re kind and they’re cautious of your feelings and who you are as a person. To hear some of those things and be on the receiving end was very detrimental in the long run.”

 

I think this shows us exactly why Neil didn't appear to "try harder to communicate" with Sam as the experiment went on.

Shame on Pepper for glossing over this!!!!!

 

I know this might be an unpopular opinion, and it's not meant as a defense of Sam or of being mean to one's partner in a relationship, but if Neil has never experienced people in his family not being cautious of his feelings and who he is as a person, I fear he may be a little too emotionally fragile to enter into a marital relationship because there are 99 percent of the time inevitable fights or conflicts with words exchanged.  If that's going to flip him out and send him crawling into his shell all the time he would be waaaay too much work and I'd personally feel like I'd have to walk on eggshells with him.  I'm not saying he should be OK with people insulting him, but just don't handle it so destructively if it happens, as it inevitably does every now and then in a close relationship like marriage.

 

Being able to weather people's emotions makes one strong to enter into the required give and take in a long term relationship.  If Neil is so unable to handle conflict he is IMO emotionally stunted as a person and not marriage material.  But I was sensing this about him all along anyway.  He can't handle strong emotions of any kind, nor any kind of emotionally charged conflict, not just someone saying mean things or being unkind.  Especially after reading this, I think Neil is one of those people that as long as you stay away from those pesky ugly emotions, you'll do just fine, but as soon as things get complicated or his partner is in a bad mood or has PMS and might say something less than kind he would shut down and not allow them to work it out together.  It wouldn't take an extreme case like Sam to get him that way, IMO.  Being at odds with one's partner is not a bad thing because only when people air their feelings can things be resolved and growth happen.  It's when people are odds with each other and it festers and there is no desire to work things out that relationships fail.  Him shutting down like that is not a constructive way to handle those situations.  The way he is right now the only woman who would be right for him is an android with no emotions, IMHO.  He needs to develop a thicker skin.  I would hope that this would be one of the outcomes of any therapy he has.

 

Neil actually reminds me a little of Mr. Snarklepuss when we first met.  I am of half Sicilian descent and let's just say that my family was not afraid of conflict.  One minute we were yelling and hurling insults and the next we were hugging and all was in the past.....On a daily basis, LOL.  Mr. Snarklepuss is from a WASP family where to be like that is a HORROR so when he first saw us acting like this he shut down and wondered if he and I were really a match.  In his family if anyone ever said less than nice things to each other it was THERE FOR LIFE AND YOU COULD NEVER TAKE IT BACK.  Thankfully, though, I had the good sense not to act like that with him in the beginning so at least I didn't offend him and hurt his feelings or we never would have gotten together.  Well, we got married and learned to work things out.  He learned not to storm out of the room every time things got tense and voices raised and I learned that I couldn't just let everything hang out with him like with my family because he couldn't handle it and it wasn't his style.  After 35 years we have both grown together and I would say he has learned to handle strong emotions and conflicts in his close relationships and I have learned how to be diplomatic and sensitive to his feelings.   I think the real problem with Neil and Sam is that she started off on just about the worst foot imaginable with him and that's almost an impossible thing to live down with a romantic prospect even if she has grown a little from it and learned from the mistake.  There isn't that level of trust there with Neil that he could risk that she would turn on him on a regular basis.  They just don't know each other that long yet.  I do think that Neil is too thin skinned in his present stage of development to ever accept Sam even if she really changed.  It's like those words you can never take back.  I think what Sam needs is a guy who is more thick skinned and sure of himself and would not get so easily offended.  There is really no right or wrong here, it's what works for them.

Edited March 12, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[msalinas65]

I agree. Also, while her comments to him were cruel and hateful, I have a huge problem with how he handled it.  I really think Sam did nail his issues at the beginning: passive-aggressive and "fake" nice for the cameras. 

 

He never confronted Sam openly (and I know some people would say because he knew she wouldn't listen) but did these hateful, mean passive aggressive moves-like telling her he didn't miss her while he was in Las Vegas. It just burns me when passive aggressive people do things like this and then turn around and say, "Oh, I didn't mean to hurt you!" Uh, yes they did.  That was the whole motivation.  Can they not own their feelings and not put the blame on the other person for "misunderstanding" them?

 

As far as the "fake" nice for the cameras. He repeatedly said that he cared for Sam and he wanted the marriage to work. He bought her flowers and gifts.  He said he kissed her off camera.  He seems like he wasn't showing his true self.  I can't help but think that he was doing all this to build up for the maximum emotional pain for Sam at the reveal.  And then, of course, when it worked he said......"I didn't mean to hurt her."   Hum, right.  Now that is premeditated and deliberately cruel.  And some would say Sam deserved it.  I just didn't think Neil was that kind of person based on what I saw of him on camera.  I stand corrected.

[Evil Queen]

I agree. Also, while her comments to him were cruel and hateful, I have a huge problem with how he handled it.  I really think Sam did nail his issues at the beginning: passive-aggressive and "fake" nice for the cameras. 

 

He never confronted Sam openly (and I know some people would say because he knew she wouldn't listen) but did these hateful, mean passive aggressive moves-like telling her he didn't miss her while he was in Las Vegas. It just burns me when passive aggressive people do things like this and then turn around and say, "Oh, I didn't mean to hurt you!" Uh, yes they did.  That was the whole motivation.  Can they not own their feelings and not put the blame on the other person for "misunderstanding" them?

 

As far as the "fake" nice for the cameras. He repeatedly said that he cared for Sam and he wanted the marriage to work. He bought her flowers and gifts.  He said he kissed her off camera.  He seems like he wasn't showing his true self.  I can't help but think that he was doing all this to build up for the maximum emotional pain for Sam at the reveal.  And then, of course, when it worked he said......"I didn't mean to hurt her."   Hum, right.  Now that is premeditated and deliberately cruel.  And some would say Sam deserved it.  I just didn't think Neil was that kind of person based on what I saw of him on camera.  I stand corrected.

 

He did try a couple times to get her to listen and she had tantrums. She either stomped off or kicked him out. Sorry but he wasn't the one that stuck his hands on her face after saying it wasn't liked? It was dirty hands that she did that with as well. The kiss that was mentioned before, was on her shoulder to comfort her and she cringed at it. He never gave her a kiss on the lips. Never was going to. The not missing her, well gee, she turned that around on him without an answer at all and saying it was weird. He answered no because he thought she was going too. Which if he had said he missed her you bet she would have said she didn't miss him. Her acting hurt about that was nothing more then just that...an act. She also blew off Neil's friend when he noticed that there was something wrong with Neil. If you go back to that episode with Neil and Sammie talking you will see that she has had a not so great effect on poor Sammie as well. She has dealt with Sam's wrath for sometime obviously. If you have EVER dealt with someone like Sam and lived with them you honestly would act the same way Neil did. Even if a little zinger here and there can cause you more grief from them, it sometimes feels good to get it out. Sometimes its the only way to do it because those people don't listen and you just need to say something in that moment. The flowers and gifts, were guilt trip gifts as well. Sam put on an act to make him feel bad when he shouldn't have. She knew what she was doing and many fell for it. 

  BTW, he could have cared for her but it doesn't mean in a romantic, married for life way. One can say they care about their friends. He went into it wanting it to work. I think if he had been matched with someone that was a better person and not a narcissistic bully, that we would have seen the real Neil. The way he came off before the wedding because once that wedding happened and she started up you could see the happiness and hope he had disappear. I don't care what THs in this thing say ever because its obvious the editing with those is so bad when you look at the big picture from all the couples and them never seeming to match up. Anyway, I don't think Neil was fake but guarded as he should have been with Sam and her crazy. Its how one has to be to get through that situation. Been there and done that and never want to again.

[yb125]

Yeah, it's possible that Neil is passive aggressive or thin skinned, but I really don't think his behavior while paired with a extremely caustic person is a good way to tell. To me he seems like a normal if bit guarded and analytical person.  Sam does not seem like someone who simply "speaks her mind" or isn't "afraid of conflict" I am those things too but I don't treat people poorly and would never attack someone the way she did. That's meanness pure and simple, I don't know why she was that way but, she was. 

Even if she is sorry and truly changed that is no reason he should want to be with her now. To paraphrase Lauryn Hill, not being an a**hole is just the minimum.

Edited March 12, 2016 by yb125

[Leanne]

Jamie Otis is all over Twitter shilling her book. It's called "Wifey 101" ?!? I wish I had aa gag or puke emoji; it would be inserted right here.

[sleekandchic]

EvilQueen said: I have to say that I agree with Gigi43 about these people needing to learn how to either get off SM or handle themselves better. In this day and age with it jobs will look at your SM. I can imagine many will look it over as you work with them to make sure you aren't talking crap about the company or employees or doing something that is inappropriate. I don't want to be a part of SM at all. I honestly hate it myself and thing its a huge reason there are so many issues with people in the world today and their behaviors in things being about them and nothing more. I know that isn't everyone on it but its a BIG part of it. I say to Gigi43 as well that good for your brother knowing how this can effect his career and doing what he knows is best in that line of work and how SM can be with it. Obviously people like Sam should take a cue from that. Calling people a name I won't repeat and acting insane between acting nice is not the way to go in life and it can make a job wonder if she is acting that way to customers or other employees. Then saying on tv that you undid screws on a chair of a fellow employee....yeah that wouldn't go over well I'm sure. And it doesn't help Ashley's cause either with family or friends saying things. Or how she carried herself if she is really trying to be a nurse. People want a caring and kind nurse not someone that comes off cold and piles on makeup like she has been lately. For me, there is no way I would want her being my nurse. I would ask for another one if she came in the room. These are things people should really think about before doing any reality show as well as how they will handle things thrown at them once they are on one.

Sam revealed in a tweet the other day that as of March, she's got a new employer (which she named). . Even if you don't have a linkedIn account, you can google her name + linkedIn and see for yourself. I'm impressed that she found a new job so quickly, but I am SO curious over the circumstances of her leaving the bank so soon after getting a promotion.

Meanwhile, I am happy to let you know that Sam is open to doing another reality show! One of her fans tweeted "Would you do another TV reality show knowing what you do now?"

@Sam_@MAFS

I learned a lot from what I did so I would definitely do another-just not the same one lol!

[sleekandchic]

As someone with light skin, and dark hair who suffers from this same problem, I can tell you that even laser hair removal is often not successful for permanent results.  Ashley may even have had a treatment before the season started but was unable to go back during the process and just let it grow without taking other measures.  When I was young I used bleach on my lip and arms and resorted to shaving my chin because there was too much to pluck, but later about 10 years ago went for laser treatments, which worked for a few weeks but then things started growing again and there'd be a shadow.  Sometimes even when the hair is plucked or lasered off you can still see a shadow depending on how light your skin and dark your hair is, and how much hair there is....I've read that the darker and thicker the hair and lighter the skin is, the less successful those treatments are (and that was true of me).....It truly sucks.  If I were her I would have resorted to a razor to get me through for sure.

Based on your experience then, what do you think of my theory that Ashley might resist kissing or other one-on-one contact (with "strangers") because she's self-conscious of her bristle/scratchiness?

[sleekandchic]

Jamie Otis is all over Twitter shilling her book. It's called "Wifey 101" ?!? I wish I had aa gag or puke emoji; it would be inserted right here.

Leanne! OMFG! Looked at Amazon and the book has an author and an editor listed, in addition to Jamie! It must be DEEP! lol

Get ready for the book tour! o_O

Eta: Imo, the cover photo is not flattering at all.

Edited March 12, 2016 by sleekandchic

[Evil Queen]

Sam revealed in a tweet the other day that as of March, she's got a new employer (which she named). . Even if you don't have a linkedIn account, you can google her name + linkedIn and see for yourself. I'm impressed that she found a new job so quickly, but I am SO curious over the circumstances of her leaving the bank so soon after getting a promotion.

Meanwhile, I am happy to let you know that Sam is open to doing another reality show! One of her fans tweeted "Would you do another TV reality show knowing what you do now?"

 

 

It is interesting that she would get another after a promotion but then I guess it depends on how/why she left the bank. I don't know where she went to now but good luck to those people. 

    And of course she would do another reality show. Especially if it could be even more of a Sam show then anything else. SMH

 

UGH a Jamie book. What a joke that has got to be. Gag/puke emoji is for sure needed on that one.

Edited March 12, 2016 by Evil Queen