S03.E17: Fixation

[TurtlePower]

14 hours ago, mojito said:

I think Shaun's autism is a good reason for Leah not to be romantically interested in him.  In a relationship with Shaun, you have to be the initiator of conversation and even at that, it'll rarely be fun or interesting or free-flowing. You have to nudge him to do most things. You can't even joke around with him.  It would be exhausting trying to keep this awkward relationship going, and yes, I think most of the work would be yours. You can admire how far he's come and the person he is, but he's just not good company.

I'm glad that Shaun is getting a reality check. Just because she is good for him doesn't mean he's good for her. He needs to find someone who's okay with silence or watching TV or whatever it is he likes to do. Work on your medical and everyday interpersonal skills, Shaun. First things first.

I'm impressed that someone as young as Carradine is okay with gray hair. Own it, girl.

From the way she treats Shaun, and how she handled the situation with the little adopted girl last show and the teenager this show, Lim shows some good maternal chops.

I remember a season previous when Lea was okay with Shaun’s autism—especially when she was teaching him to drive. Now with the 180 reversal and her snapping on him, it’ll be interesting to see how the show handles this. 

Being asd, if someone snapped on me like that for something I didn’t know I was doing wrong, I’d be afraid to ever speak to them again (it’s happened to me). I’m still afraid of that person 10 years on and haven’t spoken to her since. 

[umgoblue]

On 3/2/2020 at 7:12 PM, The Wild Sow said:

Da-BREED, not Dee-BRIDE.

Can we also discuss the mispronunciation of labetolol (not la-bet-olol, but la-bay-tolol, Claire)? 

Can't they just get these things right, so that I can pretend they are physicians and know what they are doing, instead of being pulled out of my guilty pleasure?!?!?

[ForReal]

I can think of many reasons why Lea would not want a romantic relationship with Shaun, but narrowing it down to because he's autistic strikes me as cruel. Since -- especially since -- she says she "loves" him, she could have taken the onus on herself and said the relationship wasn't what she wants because she doesn't want a commitment, wants to be free to date others, doesn't feel a physical attraction, or any combination of things that Shaun can't fix. But to dump it all on a perceived shortfall on his part doesn't say love to me in any way. I hope this is the end of this as anything more than a friendship, it's become tiresome to me.

[Virtual]

What a horrible situation that Wes was in. I understand why Lim didn't want Max to compromise his life before he turned 18, but I hope Wes got a transplant.

Shaun has to realize that Lea doesn't want to be his girlfriend, and give her space to figure herself out. If he keeps up with his insane insistence on "fixing himself" or being insanely persistent, he could lose Lea as a friend as well. Shaun needs to realize there is nothing about himself that is the reason Lea doesn't want to be with him, and that if it IS his autism, then SHE is the one that needs to figure herself out & decide if it is something that she is willing to live/work with.

[statsgirl]

I wish Lea hadn't said that it was his autism that is the problem, although I understand that it was her easy out.

Really, it seems like she's just not into him romantically. And like every other person on the planet (except those who are asexual), he's just going to have to learn to live with it.

[TurtlePower]

3 hours ago, statsgirl said:

I wish Lea hadn't said that it was his autism that is the problem, although I understand that it was her easy out.

Really, it seems like she's just not into him romantically. And like every other person on the planet (except those who are asexual), he's just going to have to learn to live with it.

It'll be interesting to see how they show Shaun's coping mechanisms with the rejection. Myself, once I know I'm not wanted, I'll go out of my way to avoid that person altogether. 

[possibilities]

On 3/5/2020 at 8:11 AM, TurtlePower said:

Being asd, if someone snapped on me like that for something I didn’t know I was doing wrong, I’d be afraid to ever speak to them again

Do you not get impatient and snap at people sometimes, taking them by surprise? I'm genuinely curious about this.

[bros402]

9 hours ago, possibilities said:

Do you not get impatient and snap at people sometimes, taking them by surprise? I'm genuinely curious about this.

I have autism and something like that makes me very...embarrassed and ashamed if it happens. I try to avoid it and hope it never comes up.

Or maybe it will bubble up a decade later.

[TurtlePower]

6 hours ago, bros402 said:

I have autism and something like that makes me very...embarrassed and ashamed if it happens. I try to avoid it and hope it never comes up.

Or maybe it will bubble up a decade later.

This. It takes a lot for me to snap on someone and it’s usually because they aren’t giving me a chance to get my words out. If I do snap, it’s usually inwards and involves a meltdown—not actually on “them”. 

The afterwards of a meltdown is hugely embarrassing as for me, it involves hitting myself somehow. Ugh. Nowadays I mitigate it by telling the person to give me a chance to find my words before it’s too late. 

I feel like maybe this digression (my fault) should be moved to small talk. 

[tennisgurl]

I really just want to take a break from relationship drama, just be done with it for a minute. I dont mind Shaun exploring dating, and how that can be tricky with his autism, but its just taking up so freaking much of the narrative! Shaun needs to realize that Lea isnt into him that way, and that its fine that she isnt, he just needs to move past it. Of course, I think the issue here was that when Shaun first brought up becoming a couple, she seemed to phrase it as "you have autism, so therefore it wont work" and to him, that just makes this like every other person who has said that he cant do something because he has autism. Medical professionals, his parents, tons of people who he had to prove wrong, and in most cases, he did. So I can see how, in Shaun's mind, this is just something else for him to overcome, to prove he can handle something even with autism. If Lea had told him that she just didnt like him that way, maybe he would have taken it better? Hopefully he does now, even it it certainly sucks that his girlfriend broke up with him so that he could pursue a women who isnt into him that way. 

Poor Wes and Max, what a horrible situation, especially after what its implied Max has already been through at such a young age. I guess I can get why Lim said no to the transplant, but it seems almost worst for Max and the other kids to lose Wes, even worse than possible medical complications. Max pretty much said that Wes was what was keeping him from falling even further into the abyss, so he might be in even more danger now with Wes possibly dying. Without Wes, he could end up in jail or dead or in some other terrible situation, and I think that has more long term risks than medical issues and a long recovery and tough surgery. She even said if he was a relative it would be fine, so why not? Its a tough call though, I wouldn't want to make it.

Edited March 8, 2020 by tennisgurl

[meatball77]

On 3/3/2020 at 2:14 PM, DearEvette said:

This is fine and I agree. But then if there isn't going to be a relationship why is she even there?

Either they did a pivot on her and decided that they really aren't going to pursue a relationship between the two (which again... why is she there then?) or they are settling in with some long drawn out torturous romance that we are going to have to suffer through.

I worry because this is based on a Korean drama that those two are end game.  Korean dramas always seem to be about the long burn of relationships and the secondary romantic leads typically are much better than the person that's end game.

It's seemed from the start that Lea thinks of him as a friend or family.  She doesn't need to think about trying to have a relationship with a friend just because he wants one.

[bros402]

16 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

This. It takes a lot for me to snap on someone and it’s usually because they aren’t giving me a chance to get my words out. If I do snap, it’s usually inwards and involves a meltdown—not actually on “them”. 

The afterwards of a meltdown is hugely embarrassing as for me, it involves hitting myself somehow. Ugh. Nowadays I mitigate it by telling the person to give me a chance to find my words before it’s too late. 

I feel like maybe this digression (my fault) should be moved to small talk. 

Hitting yourself is stimming - don't be embarrassed, just find a way to express it without harming. I shake out my hands/arms.

[vavera4ka]

On ‎3‎/‎6‎/‎2020 at 11:29 AM, statsgirl said:

I wish Lea hadn't said that it was his autism that is the problem, although I understand that it was her easy out.

Really, it seems like she's just not into him romantically. And like every other person on the planet (except those who are asexual), he's just going to have to learn to live with it.

it may as well be autism and not easy way out. she even might be interested romantically, but she realizes that relationship is work and she just isn't willing to put in ALL THAT work into it.

she is great and patient with him as a friend, but romantic relationship requires more from the parties. It's ok to evaluate that aspect before jumping in. and it's more mature to admit that you are not equal to that challenge than try, fail and hurt yourself and the person you love.

[statsgirl]

2 hours ago, vavera4ka said:

she is great and patient with him as a friend, but romantic relationship requires more from the parties. It's ok to evaluate that aspect before jumping in. and it's more mature to admit that you are not equal to that challenge than try, fail and hurt yourself and the person you love.

The problem is that she seems to be possessive of Shaun in his relationships with other people, not just Carly (e.g. the scene in the elevator; her behaviour at the bar when Shaun and Carly were on a date) but also with Glassman.

It's okay to want to be Shaun's friend and nothing more but she needs to let him have other friends and other relationships, not want to be the only important person in his life.

[Annber03]

I didn't really read the scene at the bar as her being possessive. I saw  it more as her being so excited about wanting to do something fun that she didn't really think before interrupting Shaun and Carly's intimate moment. Maybe there was a twinge of her feeling a little awkward upon seeing Shaun and Carly being so close while she's there with a guy who's a fling at best, sure, but I don't think she was intentionally trying to mess up that moment between him and Carly.

I don't think I'd describe Lea as possessive so much as just rather needy and to her credit, she's aware of that fact. We've seen how she has a hard time keeping stable relationships/friendships/jobs, and she's distant from her family as well, both literally and otherwise. Shaun is perhaps the closest thing she's had to a stable anchor in her life. He's been supportive of her in the past, he cares about her when it seems not many others do, and they do have a history together and they are friends. She knew, when she returned from Hershey, that she wouldn't be completely alone anymore because she had him to lean on. So I think it's more that she doesn't want to lose him, both as an anchor and a friend, than it is any kind of jealousy or possession or romantic attraction to him or things of that sort. I think that's why she would constantly check in with him when he was at work (and now works there herself), and it might explain some of her behavior in relation to seeing him and Carly together. She's afraid of losing somebody else she cares about, and being alone as a result.

I've always felt there's a lot more to whatever happened with Lea in Hershey than what we the audience know, or what she's told Shaun, and I think whatever went down there goes a long way towards explaining some of her behavior and feelings mentioned above. 

[jabRI]

On 3/3/2020 at 9:28 AM, Prower said:

They already worked as best friends who lived together. What more obstacles are there?

She's just not attracted to him, doesn't see him that way. I've been great friends with the opposite sex many times but would never see them any way but as friends.  If you are in love, it's not a sacrifice, you want to do what needs to be done to make it work. It's as simple as that, she's not in love with him, nothing to 'try'.

[sinkwriter]

I thought Leah was going to tell Shaun that she was only interested in him as a friend, so I'm not sure how to take her "I love you" when she didn't add any "but" to that statement. If she does love him romantically, then I think I'm willing to cut her some slack.

When Shaun was new to his relationship with Carly, she took her time with him because he was clearly struggling and afraid. Here, I don't know what Leah's issue is, but I think her way of saying that she's a mess is her way of showing that SHE is afraid.

All her other romantic relationships seem to have been pretty messy, so maybe deep down commitment is really difficult for her and she's not ready or able to dive into that with Shaun, no matter how willing he is to change or work on things. She ran from some of her issues in the past, and she may be running in this case too. It's easier to push someone away than deal with deeply seeded inner crap going on. It's not healthier, but it's a human reaction. It's disappointing to Shaun, but sometimes this kind of stuff is really hard to work through and she can't be rushed through that just like Shaun can't be rushed through whatever he's not ready for. It's not as simple as saying "She recognizes she's a mess, so why the hell doesn't she do something about it?" It's just not that easy sometimes.

[Prower]

On 3/11/2020 at 2:02 AM, jabRI said:

She's just not attracted to him, doesn't see him that way. I've been great friends with the opposite sex many times but would never see them any way but as friends.  If you are in love, it's not a sacrifice, you want to do what needs to be done to make it work. It's as simple as that, she's not in love with him, nothing to 'try'.

That's not what she said though. She said "I do love you, but we wouldn't work [because of your autism]".

If she had said "Sorry dude, I only like you as a friend", fair enough. But that wasn't the case. If that is her reason, she seriously needs to work on her communication skills.

On 3/3/2020 at 5:26 PM, vibeology said:

I feel like we saw what the problem would be in this episode. Shaun is only focused on himself. He refused to accept no for an answer, dragged her away from work in the middle of the day and was insistent that he could "fix" the situation. It was exhausting watching it so I can only imagine that being his romantic partner would also be exhausting. Shaun needs to take some time to work on himself and not pursue relationships where the other person has clearly said no multiple times.

Those things didn't seem to be huge problems when they were friends though.

On 3/3/2020 at 6:21 PM, marcee said:

It could just be that Lea is simply not attracted to him, whether it's autism related or his appearance or whatever. That should be enough of a reason. Why should she try to make it work if she just doesn't want to - even if the reasons seem thin?

If that was the reason, she should have said so. Instead she said the opposite.

[seth]

Please delete; accidentally posted for wrong episode

Edited July 4, 2021 by seth
Please delete; accidentally posted for wrong episode