Lantern7

"We talked about this . . . that love is love is love." "Yes. But . . . first you were a younger man. Then a perky woman. Now you have the thick Southern accent. I'm really not good with ludicrously thick accents." "But what about my orig-" "Three years. It took me three years to grow used to the heavy South African accent. Right now, it's like starting for scratch." "Understandable. I'm going to plan Flash's demise, put a bit of hay in my mouth, and spit in a metal jar. It just feels right." I know, he's telepathic. I just wanted to be funny. And [the original] DeVoe was from South Africa, right? That's what I remember, and I hope I'm not wrong.

How long do you think it'll take Chadwick Boseman to get tired of being treated as a rock star? I'm not criticizing the movie . . . it was awesome. Look at my avatar! Ya think I slapped that up just to say this?!? [For those reading several months from now: this is what I was using at this time] I swear, I remember seeing "Progressive Liberal" somewhere before. Full Frontal? He does have a point . . . political discourse and pro wrestling have a lot in common these days. Also, Ronny's Trump suuuuuuuuuuuuucks. His impression, I mean.

Okay . . . this? Also, Mike Tyson Mysteries comes back on Sunday at 11:30 p.m.

Just posted on tonight's Arrow. I think we need to hold onto Gotham now more than ever, because the batshit insanity and broken friendships are way more fun to watch. Let's see . . . .Ed finds out that Tyler Durden the Riddler is back and causing shit without him being aware. Alfred gets to beat the shit out of assholes, and Harvey helps. Leslie is basically the dude from The Warriors that tries to unite the gangs of New York. I'm hoping she doesn't go out the same way. What else . . . we get a theme villain, but he gets killed because we got Jerome foaming on the sidelines. The "Sirens" have commercials . . . and how old is Selina? The ad felt like one of those sex phone line commercials. Oh, and Ivy has evolved again (more like a Pokemon, realy), and she's even closer to canon. And she's got powers and a mad-on against people who fuck with nature. And she wants to team with Selina. Okay, then. Shit, and Bruce is still circling the drain, Wheeeeee. Seriously, we had a wooden solider shooting at James and Lucius. I missed you, Gotham.

Basically, everybody was an asshole. Seriously, if Cisco had swung by to offer to find a Laurel from one of the other fifty Earths (Earth-X wouldn't be an option; I'm assuming that Laurel is a bitch), none of this shit would be happening. Main thought: "Wow, I see Cayden James with his feet up and a hand down his pant- . . . oh, right. He's dead. And somebody a lot less interesting is the official Big Bad." In the defense of Mallus and Thinker, they have to work to destroy their heroes. Star City's best are okay with killing each other. Honestly, if Sara stayed on the Waverider forever, would that be a bad thing? Oliver is an asshole. Broken Arrow? Assholes. Her father? Basically, he's trying to replace a dead goldfish with a new one and hope his kid doesn't know the difference . . . but he's the parent and the kid in that situation. And why doesn't Thea repeatedly smack him upside the head? She's supposed to be his adopted daughter, after all. I'm not hating anybody in general. No, I'm not rooting for a psycho nurse to smother Rene in his sleep. I'm just fatigued in general. It's worse now because Gotham is back; while the characters there careen towards rock bottom, it's way more fun to watch. Basically, I see the characters at the carnival game where you move horses by rolling balls into balls. Just when you think one buy has the lead, someone else gets a ball into a "fast" hole. At least fun can be squeezed from Legends and Flash. Here, I figure Sara could randomly pick two people from her crew, and everything gets sorted in three days' time. So sad. And now I got Cuba Gooding Jr. screaming that into a phone. Thanks! No sarcasm, that was funny. Unless it wasn't meant to be . . . then the episode is even more sad.

I forgot about that. If I wrote about the stuff he’s done, and read it to myself later, I’d be upset all the time. Like a messed-up version of Christmas. I don’t think I’ve heard anyone done that on TV. Looking back, I’d figured stuff would be set up to suppress that stuff like that. I know February is over, but if Roy ever puts on that mustache again, I wouldn’t mind at all. ETA: If that HUD money went towards beds, I'd understand. Ben loves to sleep. Trevor does a sweet impression of him, rating with Jay Pharaoh.

Wow. Gaiman isn’t directly writing, though, right? “Here are my plots, lads. Drop a line if you need anything. I’m going to meet Starz about how the second season of American Gods can be even more insane. I am in competition with Garth Ennis, after all.”

@Brookside . . . I wasn't that serious. Aside from the Kellys, I don't think any woman has gone in wanting to go by her last name. And I found it funny that the first one (aside from the Kellys) wound up going out first. I acknowledge that it was mostly her fault. I just figure that guys doing that don't go out that quickly. Oh, and whispering in Tribal Council? Gettin' old. Can't that be forbidden until the jury phase?

I'm mostly ambivalent about Marie, but even if she said that she packed it in during the After Show, it wasn't an out-and-out quit. You want to shut me up, Teege? You get in the damn basket. BTW . . . . deep cut with "Basket Case," in the sense that I don't think we hear anything remotely familiar on this show. Now I gotta go to the RW thread and see if that song was used in a Real World season. Yes, he needs a beating. I just want a humiliation like the Backpack, only so much worse. That doesn't make me horrible, right?

Ever read Space Punisher? It's actually pretty good, with a lot of Marvel mainstays getting sci-fi makeovers.

Wiig? Possibly as Cheetah? "Yeah, I was also born on Paradise Island, I was the best Amazon, the others were so jealous that they turned me into a cheetah. A cheetah is the fastest animal on land, so that makes me the fastest person in the world . . . " It's funnier if you imagine her in Cheetah makeup saying that.

Great, not even a week into the game (for them, not us), and we're getting a swap. Or going from two tribes to three. Also, I don't know about Ghost Island, because I feel a lot of shady production shit could be arranged. Has there ben talk on whether a set number of urns have games?

Lessons learned: Don't be a woman asking people to use your last name, because that is a privilege for guys only*. Do not be a neurotic superfan with goofy hair. I know, Gonzales and Jacob played a heavy part in their respective downfalls, but I feel that If there are such beings as Survivor Gods, they really listened to Probst's prayers. In return, they gave unto him a single message: "Brush your teeth and use mouthwash. Otherwise, people will smell bearded Marine on your breath." First impression was that Ghost Island was the Land of 1,000 Idols. And then one of the alphas found an idol wedged in a tree. In the dark. Because the production team doesn't give a fuck about trying to make things difficult. Then Donathan (cannot get over that name) cracked the wrong urn, and the gimmick was rendered moot. Also funny to see Jacob and the girl he gifted thrill about touching something from Survivor history. Hey, if we get a highlight of somebody fucking up, and Erik is in the footage, and it's not his Fans vs. Favorites misplay? That's rare. Poor guy. I did get a laugh about "It's a fucking stick!" And Probst loves creating narratives, basically compelling an exhausted Donathan to take over for a useless James. "DONATHAN, YOU HAVE COME ALL THE WAY FROM EASTERN KENTUCKY TO PLAY THIS GAME! THIS IS YOUR MOMENT!!!!" *clunk* "And Desiree gets the third ball in, and I'm starting to dream about taking a nap with my head on her chest!" *Yes, I know we had the season of the two Kellys, but last names were needed because there shared a first name, last initial, and "worth" at the end of their names.

Initial thought: "There's a Confederate statue in Freeland? Of course there's a Confederate statue in Freeland, Why wouldn't there be a Confederate statue in Freeland?" And then we get off-screen violence and a fatality covered by Channel 52 the local news. Never thought that the Black Lightning powers would be mostly mental. Once again, I'm assuming Jefferson was a mutant (or local variation thereof), and he's in the report floating around. And Anissa is second-generation meta, albeit without her father's fashion sense. Well, not yet. Anybody else surprised the specialist wasn't dead by the end of the episode? I wouldn't have bet against there. Anissa wakes up, sees her father in his "other" outfit. Fade to black. "Oh, and Tobias suspected something was up, so he snapped the chump's neck in three places."

Archer: Danger Island premieres on April 25 at 10 p.m.

Here are the credits that we'll only see once, because the seconds of added footage is so gonna be worth it. Seriously . . . "Donathan"?!?

And this is today's back page in the Daily News. Holy cow, the Mets' shitty fortunes are THAT predictable.

Game of Thrones. I don't watch, but I know there was a thing where a woman is stripped naked and paraded through town as a guy rings a bell and chants "shame." Cut to 3:40 on this Honest Trailer. Don't worry, it's work safe.

Meh all around. Whasherface and Vinny from the returning Jersey Shore (and doesn't THAT tell you everything that you need to know about MTV these days?) fiddle around with Jemmye and Marie. I mean, awesome not to see Johnny stroke himself raw outside of those godawful Ice Real World promos, but I'm still underwhelmed. Oh, and if you didn't tune in to THAT, only the title of the next season was revealed: Final Reckoning. Am I a horrible person for hoping that the season would live up to the "Final" part?

Not a good episode. Once again, Johnny is the most popular mean girl, and no one dares to step to him. Except Devin. And because he's AYTO Wes, he's the one going into the Ring. But he's asking the Troika to send him Johnny. Which won't happen because somebody wanting to go in and pants the "Banana" winds up getting punched in the gut. Good Ring, but TJ can go screw. I didn't see Marie give up. She just couldn't get out of the basket. Seriously, one time, I want somebody to get dissed by Teege, shake his hand, then use the other to pummel him. After Johnny gets kicked in the tiny dick, of course. Kinda wanted the mission to be best-of-5, but I guess the stilts were rented out by the hour. I should check Wes' Twitter. He'll probably say he would've scored five goals inside two minutes. Just meh in general.

In brief: Singh: Allen, you're suspended. Besides, that means you can spend all your time as the Flash. Which I do not know about. Thinker: Just going to scheme, come close to girl-on-girl with the missus, and showcase another actor doing a South African accent. Izzy: Well, we done had a Shade, we got a Thinker, now we got us a Fidd- Cisco: NO. MY JOB. Ralph: Time for me to show more character evolution and a bit of warmth. Caitlin: Speaking of warmth . . . no Killer Frost this week. Yay! Barry: *takes off mask* Viewers: *roll eyes* Barry: Basically, I'm gonna be a driving asshole about this, because I really want to take DeVoe out. And that was before he framed me for murder. Cecile: I still have mind-reading powers, and DeVoe will more than likely take over my body. After the baby, of course. Harry: I'm here this week because my daughter doesn't need me, and I have to make friends . . . that are my age! Oh, and my breakthrough with Cecile leads me to something that will stop DeVoe! It will work! DeVoe: Unless I have Kilg%re's powers. Harry: Unless she has Kil- . . . well, I'm going to hang myself now. DeVoe: And you thought Damien Dark was an insufferable prig. At least he has charisma. Ralph: Izzy, look at me! I love you! I'm not really saying that, but we have a bond, and I want to be here when you di- DeVoe: TTTTTTAAAARRRRRRNATION!!!! Oh, bugger. I am a hotter female, but it's going to be difficult to lose this accent. Cisco: Maybe we should use "Mega Man" instead of "Thinker." Y'know, because she kills people and steals thei- Team Flash: *death glare* Cisco: Hey, I have a potential way to track DeVoe! Barry: Ralph, I'm sorry that I basically worked Izzy so hard, and basically served her up to DeVoe on the cleanest silver platter. I think she would've been slightly safer if we left her alone. Ralph: Hey, we're Team Flash. And you're going to be my unofficial partner because you're no longer employed. Not that you really had a day job to begin with. Barry: FUCK! I can't do the opening narration anymore! Ralph: Like you've been doing that lately? Barry: Good point.

Teaser looks good . . . especially the bit with Yung Hee ringing a bell for service, and Mike reacting by punching Marquis/Marcus in the face, because he always goes for the knockout.

Heads up: there's a ninety-minute Challenge block, so we're getting more fun and hijinks with arrested adolescents. Yay.

This week: Sara and Amaya let their hair down and look awesome doing it. Of course, the guys fuck up (hey, Zari was on the ship the whole time), Amaya loses her totem, Ray does something stupid and gets captured, and Mick learns the Blackbeard was a total wuss. Seriously, Gideon needs to be firmer when the gang decides to take off without much of a plan, as well as sans their captain. Of course Damien is that, because he's Damien. I mean, Neal chews scenery and looks good doing it, Unlike @ketose, I don't think the character is a drag, but he's just so fucking annoying. And yes, that is a core requirement for Arrowverse villains (see also: Thinker), but he just rolls in, wedgies the heroes, beats him without a sweat, and stomps on their genitals while they're moaning on the ground. So annoying. And he's not even the official Big Bad, Maybe Mallus knows that less is more. I liked the first date. I get Sara wanting normalcy, but I think that went away when the Queen's Gambit went down. She's not the feisty younger Lance girl. She kicks ass, takes names, kisses the boys and girls, and looks awesome doing that. Ava is involved in time travel. I'd like to learn how she got into that business, and I'm betting she lost her chance at a normal life ages ago. And I didn't think Sara's dress looked stupid. Fun to see Amaya embrace the pirate captain within. I don't think Mick played a huge part, but he did give her the push. It helps that Blackbeard is a wuss; that was probably the case even before his girlfriend got messed up on the Earth Totem. Without her totem, I'm thinking she'll have no choice but to visit Mari. Ray is a dumbass. I get that he wanted to save Nora, and I was okay with it. He probably didn't want Amaya's totem, and I was okay with that. But not bringing up backup? He wins this week's goob-off over Nate. The Adventures of Rip & Wally felt tacked on. Great to see Wally get nudged back into action, and watching Gary get abused never gets old, but did we really need a drunk-as-hell Rip calling the shots? Also, nice that Wally got Cisco's hyper alcohol. Shame he wasn't stumbling in the karaoke bar, yelling "I'M KID FLASH!!!!"

Bad news: we'll be having another 90-minute block . . . so if you're DVRing, you'll have to account for the extra half-hour, as well as untalented MTV personalities fluffing Challengers that don't deserved to be fluffed. Just wanted to give fans the heads-up.