LilWharveyGal

"I feel like I have elves around my person." I was laughing so hard I almost missed the thistle line.

The dreaded double post! How gauche! Luckily we were spared Tony's musings on what constitutes "white people candy." Christine was the one talking about it. She did say that the Mexican candy had cayenne, but I don't know if she was being serious or not. I got the sense that Christine just thought it would have been thoughtful to extend an invitation to Maria to participate. We only have Mykelti's word for it that Maria has never heard that song before. Plus, I don't think Meri or Janelle's mouths were even moving so language wouldn't have been as important as knowing the moves and dressing like a clown.

That was a poor choice of words on my part. Logan drove Garrison to the party, and when they parked Garrison took off running to hug Paedon and the camera followed him. I assume Logan came into the house too and didn't just drive off again.

I was trying to spare everybody the gory details, but hey, gotta love full disclosure. :)

WARNING: If you normally imbibe while watching the show (and you know who you are), put away the spirits and do shots of espresso or your energy drink of choice instead. Trust me on this, you will need it! Previouslies: Tony came dress shopping and nobody knows why. The wives want Meri to be more involved. Meri would rather be happy. The Brown-Brushes tell Kody and Janelle about Baby Brush. The show opens at Janelle's house where, judging by the number-shaped balloons, someone is turning 21. It's Maddie! On the couch, Christine notes that Meri will miss the party because she's away dealing with her, "online clothing business." Robyn shares that in her plyg experience it's common for a wife with an empty nest to become a little more independent, but they don't want Meri to wander too far away. Back at the party, Kody wants everyone to see Baby Ariella's walking skills. I'm sure we all fondly remember that wild and crazy moment at our 21st when a 10 month old walked across the room. Janelle comes in with the "cake," which actually appears to be three pies on a baking sheet. While the family sings Happy Birthday, Kody voiceovers that they have pumpkin pie because Madison's birthday is between Halloween and Thanksgiving. There's a brief, slightly incoherent conversation about how plural families celebrate birthdays. Maddie opens up a present, presumably from Kody since he instantly starts running his yap, and it's blingy his-and-hers watches. The entire New Testament is microscopically engraved on the back. Kody voiceovers that Maddie seems to have turned toward Caleb's evangelical Christianity. He states that a person's choice of spouse is more important than the religion they choose to live. Really, Mr. Celestial Planet? Actually, he clarifies any religion as long as that religion involves belief in God through Jesus Christ, which narrows it down a bit. Janelle is glad Maddie and Caleb have a strong faith. Kody says that Tony is Mormon and Caleb is evangelical, and he loves them both like sons. Oh come on, Kody, we all know you love Caleb like a crush. Caleb prepares to hand Maddie his present, and Robyn acts like she knows all about it, grilling Caleb about if it will be a surprise to Maddie. But rather than open the present, Maddie unzips her hoodie to reveal a "Baby on Board" sign pinned to her t-shirt. Everyone freaks out. Christine hurries over to hug Maddie, and every other female in the room follows suit. Robyn voiceovers that she's shocked and that she thought they'd wait until they'd finished their educations. Kody shuts everyone up to brag that he and Janelle already knew. Robyn is aghast that she wasn't told. The Brown-Brushes FaceTime (or whatever the kids are doing these days) with Meri to share the news. They get an anemic, "Yaaaaaaaaaay." In a voiceover, Meri repeats that she missed the party because she was out of town for business but that she was glad they called her. She also repeats that she's in a more independent place than the other wives because she doesn't have kids at home, just tumbleweeds blowing through the five bedrooms, craft room, and wet bar. She's keeping very busy with her "clothing business," and did she mention there's a house in Southern Utah she really wants to buy? Back at the party, Kody explains pregnancy to Sol who's busy picking his nose. On the couch, Kody and the wives share stories of multiple generations being pregnant at the same time in plural families. Maddie tells Aspyn that she's 3 months along and due in May. Kody announces that he'll finally be a grandpa at age 49. Robyn will be 38, in case anybody cared. The Brown Brushes then share more news with everyone - they'll be moving back after Mykelti's wedding in order to be closer to the family. The Entitlement Twins look like someone just asked them to calculate the square root of pi. "This is why I bought all these big houses!" exclaims Kody. "Now we can't move," says Robyn with meaning, which Christine echoes. The wives explain that Kody has been talking about moving away from Las Vegas for at least a year. Christine is adamantly against moving to Southern Utah. Robyn says she's open to it and always assumed they would move back. Kody says that they won a lawsuit against Utah, but that it's currently in the court of appeals. Janelle pipes up that they don't have a faith community in Vegas and never intended for it to be permanent. Christine thinks too many people in Utah are anti-plyg. Conversation switches back to Kody's ability to keep the secret and how the wives can usually sense when he has news. From there they get into how Kody keeps his relationship with each wife separate, but that if he's struggling with one wife it's hard to go see another wife without bringing that dark cloud. Gee, who could that be referring to? Great googly moogly, we're only 21 minutes in to a two hour show. Shots! Christine explains that Mykelti's bridal shower is coming up and the moms are preparing a lip sync. Janelle is still uncomfortable with it. Christine choreographed herself to be in front because she pulled, "the bio-mom card." The wives voiceover that this is acceptable for big milestones. The kids all recognize one mom as their birth mom, but the adults are all co-parents, but they all raise their families differently, but they all raise their families together, and I'm getting whiplash. Janelle and Christine express regret that they weren't excited when Mykelti first got engaged. They want the performance to demonstrate to Mykelti that she matters. Now Kody is telling us that Garrison has been away at National Guard boot camp and he's coming home tonight. There's going to be a BBQ at Janelle's house. Kody grills in the driveway. Garrison interviews that he's been away for four months and that he's excited to see the family. Logan drops him off, and Garrison sprints over to give Paedon a big hug which warms my cold heart. After hugging Kody and Janelle he goes inside to greet the whole clan. Truely notices that he's bald. There's a redhead lady and tiny brunette girl that I don't recognize. Garrison says that none of his compatriots had a problem with plural families when his background came up. (Ah, producers. Still fishing for haters, I see.) Garrison is not interested in the lifestyle for himself. Robyn voiceovers that their family is not struggle, jealousy, and drama punctuated by big family moments. Every episode of this show ever beg to differ. Meri voiceovers that she was sad to miss Garrison's homecoming. She had been out of town but, errr, actually she was next door in her house at the time and, oh yeah, Garrison came home earlier than planned. She says she must have missed the memo that even the random redhead lady received. At Christine's house, it's the last lip sync rehearsal. In addition to last week's tacky costumes Christine has added wigs and boas. The wives have never changed clothes in front of each other. Janelle shares that she's been to a Korean bathhouse where most people go naked, though she wore a towel. Practice of I Will Survive commences and takes up the rest of the segment. Commercials. But wait, no, it's not a commercial. It's an announcement that Aspyn is engaged to long-time family friend Mitch Thompson. They say that they've been dating for a long time and are excited to start wedding planning. Back at Christine's, she's talking about some kind of hot chocolate that takes two hours to make. Apparently, it's Mexican hot chocolate for Mykelti's shower, which Christine says smells horrible and tastes like a corn tortilla with chocolate. Aspyn is in charge of preparations and she's stressed. Meri voiceovers that Aspyn has been like that trying to take care of everybody ever since she was small. Discussion on whether semi-sweet chocolate chips are dark chocolate. Christine shrieks and runs around the room. Aspyn remains stressed. Christine voiceovers that Asypn and Mykelti did not get along when they were "youngker," but that changed once they hit high school, and now Mykelti knows how to calm Aspyn. It's shower time. There are tons of desserts. Tony's mom, Maria, shows up. Christine regrets that they didn't include Maria in the lip sync. For some reason Tony's there too and he's eyeing the desserts, but luckily he ok'ed the taste of the Mexican hot chocolate so nobody needs to be flogged. Mykelti kisses Tony good-bye and he wipes it off. Aspyn explains the set up to the crowd and introduces a crossword puzzle all about the Entitlement Twins. Janelle's mom, Sheryl, is there. Mykelti tells the group that she and Tony met playing ultimate frisbee and that he kissed her on their first date. The bridesmaids all got Mykelti their favorite love story. Aspyn's is Sense and Sensibility, Madison's is Taming of the Shrew. Meri explains that when she was the only wife, Kody's license plate said Petruchio, i.e. the shrew tamer. Do with that what you will. Hey, it's the redhead lady again! Her name is Sara and she gives Mykelti 50 Shades of Gray. The wives discuss the book and I will spare you. Back at the shower they slip into their horrible costumes. The performance begins and I have so much secondhand embarrassment for all of them, but the guests all seem to enjoy it. Mykelti voiceovers that Tony's family isn't used to this kind of thing and has never even heard the song before, but they loved it. She opens a gift from Maria and it's a nightie and thong set. The wives seem totally baffled that anyone attending a bridal shower would give a gift of lingerie. Apparently they've repressed their memories of Maddie's shower and her camo bra. Take another shot, just because. At Janelle's house, stuff needs to be moved around to make room for Madison and Caleb. Janelle says that with some of the challenges they've been having, the Brown-Brushes need to move in until they get back on their feet. A large game room is being cleared out to make a living space for them. Kody wishes they could remodel so that the Brown-Brushes can have their own bathroom. He thinks it would be a weekend project. Janelle notes that she needs a room for Hunter, one for her mom, and Logan's old room is going to be the new game room. Garrison and Dayton move furniture. With absolutely no warning we are then transported to Christine's singing lesson and it is...not good. Doctor Michelle doesn't know how to transpose music down a key or five? We hear again how Christine was not in favor of Mykelti's engagement at first, and she wants the song to show Mykelti that she has Christine's full support now. At Christine's house, she has something to show all the adults. Please tell me it's not her song again. Nope, it's the infamous pinatas! They're only about 4 feet tall so "life-size" was an overstatement. Kody voiceovers that Tony has an emotional connection to pinatas and cake. Tony's pinata will be filled with Mexican candy, and Mykelti's with "white people" candy. By the way, Christine's house is now decorated for Christmas, so the big day must be close. It turns out that frisbees will be part of the ceremony. This was Officiant Chris's idea, and they're going to be thrown over the bride and groom. Christine gives the younger Brown girls bags full of mini-frisbees to write cutesy wedding messages on. And while she was buying out the party supply store, she also bought a Claddagh ring for Tony to welcome him into the family. For Mykelti's "something borrowed," Christine is cutting pieces of her wedding dress to make into flowers for Mykelti's bouquet. She voiceovers that she and Kody are in a very good place right now, but a few years ago they weren't and it definitely would have sent the wrong message to shred her dress at that time. She tries it on one last time and gets emotional. Kody comes into the room and notes how huge the dress now is on Christine. On the couch, Christine says that it was never a flattering dress. She and Kody reminisce about how they were friends for about three years before getting married, and how they were in two different states during the wedding planning. Kody says that the culture back then was about "exonerating" the first wife. Huh? He's trying to say that the second, third, etc., wife had to remain hidden, and Christine adds that since going public she doesn't feel a stigma of shame. Ysabel and Gwendlyn try on the dress before it's cut up. More re-hash of the shame plural wives can feel. Flashback to Kody and Christine's rough times when the family first moved to Vegas. She wants the fabric flowers to represent the ups and downs of marriage. Next week: Restock the liquor cabinet! Meri and Tony are back with a vengeance!

Random thought: I wonder if Janelle had to go begging-bowl-in-hand to the rest of the family to request their cash and emotional support for her sparkly, passionate dream a la Meri, or if she had that much saved up in her "grocery money" account already and went ahead with her plans on her own. We'll never know, but I'm curious. Don't forget that Presbyterians are sharks! (Comparative Religion)

Actually, in true Brown fashion they had to beat the announcement to death and the good news/bad news was related to the gift. Maddie explained that the bad news was that they'll have yet another spring birthday in the family, and the good news was that Janelle and Kody will be grandparents. I think Caleb's employment status has been a mystery for a while.

Aww, thank you @laurakaye! I have a bit of German blood myself so this menu is a-ok, but if you smash even a morsel of the cake in my face I'm going to have to destroy a pinata of you dressed in lederhosen. Seriously, though, about the recaps - I only started to help out those who couldn't see the first episode when it was solely available On Demand, and then kept going just to fill the void until Cynical Jinx's recaps started up. (She used to provide them on her site, didn't she? Was I hallucinating?!) I wasn't envisioning a season-long gig, though I am happy to do it. But if it bugs anyone or if someone else wants to take a turn, let me know.

I'll take door number one.

One life for yourself, and one for your dreeeeeeeeeeeeams. Was I the only one who broke into song?

LOL, I'm in the exact same boat. I have zero interest in the concept behind Black Lightning, but I want to watch because I liked Cress as Scooter in Living Single, lo these many years ago.

In the Jane Austen bad-boy universe, Greg Wise was Willoughby. Adrian Lukis was Mr. Wickham.

Hey y'all, possible scoop! I was googling the B&B and came up with an LLC that was registered at that address on November 14, 2017 - Blue Shutters, LLC. Meri is listed as the registered agent, and apparently the company sells shades, blinds, and shutters. Is this yet another half-baked business scheme in a new industry? (I don't want to post the link because it contains the Browns' LV address and I think that's against the rules here.)

^ I have to admit, Elton leaving his Cranberries CD in the quad was one of the first moments that came to mind when I heard the news. Aah, the '90's. RIP, Ms. O'Riordan.

That wasn't Dayton, that was Tony's best man. The other girl that was there was Tony's sister. I don't believe Aspyn was there.

Hi guys, I apologize again for the interruption, but my DVR says I'm only 1/3 of the way through the episode so I guess it was good to break up a giant wall o' text. I'll try to keep this even more succinct. Meri's family had just rolled up to the B&B and they don't know that Meri plans to purchase it. Meri voiceovers that the business is not important to her - the home is important to her. (And then she wonders why Kody thinks she's emotional instead of logical!) She has wanted the home back in her family for 20 years. She hopes that her sister wives see the potential and why this is a good idea...again, after admitting that the business side is not her priority. Vickie, the B&B owner, welcomes Meri and the entourage in. Meri's sister Elaine looks just like Mariah. Meri starts to cry as she announces that she's been talking to Vickie about buying the house. Her mom also becomes emotional. On the couch, the other three wives comment that this gives Meri a passion and a purpose. Again, Meri voiceovers that she wants the sister wives to not be critical or, "poop on my party with logic." Meri's mom, Bonnie, starts sharing stories about the house. Apparently one room was the telegraph room. Meri says that the B&B is only allowed to rent four rooms. On the couch, Christine wonders if that will make money. Back in the house, there's apparently a ghost in period dress that likes to sit in an incredibly dirty chair. Janelle thinks this would be a major marketing draw. Around back, there's a large shed that Meri wants to fix up to live in when she comes up to visit. She emphasizes that she is not leaving Las Vegas. On the couch the wives worry that this project will eventually take Meri away from the family more than Meri claims it will. The sister wives sit down outside so that Meri can get their thoughts on the B&B. Janelle notes that it makes Meri sparkle, and that it would be good for Meri's mental health after a rough couple of years. Business totally aside, Janelle would buy the house just for the family to have fun with. Meri reads my mind when she responds, "That's weird. Janelle said that?" Back on the patio, Janelle says that she has worries about setting up a business in Utah since they're polygamists and it's a small, conservative town. Robyn believes the state of Utah could seize the house. Christine raises a concern about the B&B being 4 hours from Vegas and that Meri already hasn't been very involved in the family. Robyn says that Meri shows up late, leaves early, and is on her phone the whole time. Christine adds that even their teenage boys have commented that Meri isn't involved enough. Meri counters that she'd rather be less involved and have something that makes her happy. (Cuz you can't spell Meri without M-E.) She voiceovers that they've had conversations about being more involved, but she is an empty nester now and is NOT going to go over to the other wives' houses to take care of their kids. Janelle comments that at events Meri sits in the back and doesn't engage, so maybe the B&B would make her more vibrant. But, Robyn worries, would Meri's heart then be in Parowan? Meri voiceovers that she could see things going either way based on whether they all engage in her and her passions. The conversation continues in this vein a while longer. If anyone ever plans to write a thesis on the dysfunction of polygamy, or of these individuals in particular, this segment would be a great place to start. And now for something completely different, we're on our way to a food tasting at the country club in St. George. I have been misspelling Taunya's name, and for that I apologize. She leads the group to a large table where Tony claims the random chair that Mykelti had been about to pull out for herself. He shows off his wedding ring which he is already wearing. He voiceovers that he wants to show that he's taken. I'm sure the ladies of the world are mourning as we speak. The group starts with chips with salsa and guac, with ensuing conversation about spiciness. Then the tacos are presented, which the club had to add to their menu specifically for the wedding of the Entitlement Twins. Everybody likes them and Tony asks for seconds. The club will prepare 3 tacos per guest. There is angst over the difference between 3 and 10, and if the guests will have enough food. In addition to the chips and tacos, there will be a hot cocoa bar, soda bar, and cake. If you guessed that Tony is already steamrolling the cake plans, then you would be right. Janelle of all people sticks up for Mykelti's wishes in the cake department. Seriously, Tony, if I wanted to watch a prissy little queen I'd flip over to my recording of Victoria. Now on to the cake tasting. Christine again introduces herself as, "Mykelti's mom." This store doesn't make big wedding cakes, so they're going to have a cake buffet with smaller cakes in different flavors. Tony and Mykelti want a big chess king and queen made out of cake...to match the pinatas I guess? Apparently Tony's good at chess. But they won't be sliced at cake cutting time, they'll be shoved into each other's faces. Mykelti is not down with this idea and I'm just super sad for her always capitulating to this oaf. Red velvet, cookie dough, salted caramel, German chocolate, mocha, and carrot samples come out. Tony requests a dos leches cake. They can choose six flavors in all, and Kody is a big vocal fan of the mocha. The wives and Mykelti both voiceover that Mykelti has chosen a fiancee who's just as opinionated as her dad. Only 27 minutes left, guys! *deep breath* Back at Christine's house, which has Day of The Dead decorations everywhere, Christine tells us that the wives will be lip syncing I Will Survive at Mykelti's bridal shower. Uh, ok, I guess it could be worse...like Voices Carry? Aspyn requested the lip sync performance, and it's practice time. Flashback to Mariah and Aspyn's graduation flash mob, and Maddie's graduation skit. Janelle still has performance anxiety when it comes to these embarrassing displays. Christine has ugly disco costumes for everybody that are several sizes too small. They work on the choreography, and work, and work. What impresses me most is that the show got the rights to actually play I Will Survive. Speaking of Madison, remember her? Kody tells us that Maddie and Caleb are flying into town and he doesn't know why. Janelle comments that she hardly hears from Maddie now that school has started. Apparently they go the University of Wyoming. The Brown-Brushes arrive at the house and tell Kody and Janelle that they have bad news and good news. A thank you present comes first, however. It's a pacifier. Kody and Janelle catch on right away, are very excited, and Kody instantly makes an allusion to sex. "I just had a baby myself!" he exclaims. Maddie spells out that the bad news was that the family will have another spring birthday to squeeze in, and the good news is that Kody and Janelle will be grandparents. Caleb voiceovers that he was shocked when Maddie told him she was pregnant, but it's something he has wanted for a long time. Maddie worries how to tell the family without stealing Mykelti's thunder. Kody says that this will be the hardest secret to keep. Janelle encourages them to hold off on the pregnancy announcement until around the three month mark. Kody suggests that they announce it when Maddie comes home for her birthday on November 1, so they'll all have to keep their mouths shut for six weeks. Kody says that he might have to have one more kid just to have one after Maddie. Maddie voiceovers that she pretty much predicted to Caleb that Kody would say that. She always has had him pegged. Oh, and ick. Can Kody and Janelle keep the secret? How will the rest of the family respond to the news? I'm sure we'll all be on pins and needles until next Sunday!

That's the concise version. Here's the long version: Previouslies: Meri and Mariah are going through a rough patch. Wedding venues for 400 guests were visited. Kody rained on Meri's B&B parade. Credits: Did they go back to using their older cardboard cutouts? Because Robyn does not look like that anymore. The show opens in Christine's house where the Entitlement Twins, Aspyn, and a random friend are seated in the kitchen. Christine announces that they're going to look at wedding dresses. There are fall decorations on the table, so again, for a December wedding they're cutting it close. Christine voiceovers that the moms, Aspyn, and Mariah will also be there. In the kitchen, Christine's younger girls say that Tony should not see the dress before the wedding. Christine agrees, and admits that she's not at all happy that Tony is "comingk." Tony voiceovers that the tradition of not seeing each others' clothes prior to the wedding is, "weird and dubious." Get thee to a dictionary, Tony. Christine goes on that this is the least romantic thing she's ever heard of in her life...which perhaps sheds light on why she was so upset when Kody went dress shopping with Robyn. A billion people load into Christine's minivan, while Meri heads out in her SUV alone. At the bridal shop, Christine introduces herself as, "the mom," which totally goes against her "we're ALL the moms!" pronouncement in the last episode, but I get the sense that she's just done. Janelle asks the shop employee if it's weird that Tony is there, and she replies that it doesn't happen very often. On the couch, the wives are mostly down on the idea of his involvement. Mykelti says that she thinks they're very traditional, and Tony adds that it's good to challenge accepted norms and thus it's very healthy to be around someone like him. No comment. The employee tells Mykelti that they need 4-6 months to get a dress, so for December it's, "right now." So Christine had her fall corn cans out in June-August? Okay, producers. The Brown clan all get permission to pull dresses and descend on the dress racks like a swarm of locusts. In the middle of this sartorial tsunami, Mariah mentions that she would maybe want to be married in a wedding romper. This offhand comment becomes a segment of its own, which tells you just how desperate this show is for material. On the couch, Meri explains what a romper is. I will spare you. Robyn opines that Mariah and her future wife might decide to wear dresses instead. This branches into a discussion about how they all love to see their kids find significant others - Caleb, Tony, Michelle. Meri continues that Mariah is, "a lot like me, super strong," (*snerk*) so she's going to need a wife like Robyn/Janelle/Christine. Because they're doormats or something? No, she says, because they're patient and forgiving and loving. "And has a bit of a backbone," Janelle adds. If you say so, Janelle. Wow, who would have thought that a conversation about an irrelevant romper would devolve into some light shade-throwing among the wives? Back at the shop, the wives are amazed by how much Tony knows about Mykelti's dress preferences. For example, one dress would, "make Mykelti's boobs shine." On the couch, Janelle notes that Tony doesn't tone down his language at all. Robyn notes that he, "brings out her naughty side." Don't wanna go there. Continued nonsense in the shop between Tony and Robyn about push-up bras. For the record Robyn is a fan, but we've seen the Victoria's Secret bills so we shouldn't be surprised. On the couch, Mykelti asks Tony if he even knows what a push-up bra is, and he gives a description. Frankly, I thought the romper was the bottom of the barrel interest-wise but we've found a new low. Still at the shop, the employee interviews that in her 10 years she's only seen a groom come in maybe 10 times, and that with a lot of opinions a bride can get confused. Mykelti voiceovers that it's good to have a lot of moms to plan a wedding because they have experience. Tony doesn't agree. At this point, Mykelti finally appears in dress #1. It was Tony-selected, a sweetheart neckline, a-line dress with sparkly bodice. IMO, it looked nice. Tony's response was, "Duuuuude!" Mykelti thinks it's too sparkly but everyone concurs that the shape is good. Then Robyn voiceovers that in their faith they're supposed to be modest with tops to the wrist. Janelle comments that the mainstream LDS do too, but that their girls have chosen to do their own thing. Meri asks Tony if he's simply going to see all of Mykelti's dress options or if he's going to know the final choice, and he says he's going to know. Meri follows up by asking then what will his surprise be when Mykelti walks down the aisle? He responds that he'll still say, "Maaaaaan!" Let's get man-dude a thesaurus to go with his dictionary. He continues that what he'll see is his future bride, unless, you know, polygamy happens... Dress #2 also has a sweetheart neckline, but a higher waistline and the skirt is straighter with more of a lace overlay, no sparkles. Tony doesn't love it, which the wives analyze, but they don't love it either so who cares? While Mykelti changes, Meri asks Tony if they've found a pinata creator yet. Short answer is no. In addition to beating each other in effigy, Tony fully intends to smash cake into Mykelti's face during the cake eating. Robyn thinks it's, "tacky," and Tony asks what that means. Dictionary, Tony! Dress #3 is Mykelti's favorite so far. It's similar to Dress #2 but with an illusion top, fuller skirt, a more pronounced lace pattern, and it looks like the fabric under the skirt might be slightly more of a beige color. The wives like it too and think that it looks "Mexican vintage." Tony says it seems, "Old England white woman." Dress #4 appears and Tony says no before Mykelti can even look at herself in the mirror. She insists that it's her favorite but the whole group seems dismayed. This one is more of a mermaid style and is definitely less flattering. When we get back from commercial, Christine explains that the dress makes Mykelti look like a rectangle (it does) whereas the others showed her curves. On the couch, the wives feel bad about bagging on Mykelti's favorite dress. Mykelti then voiceovers that it was all a trick to teach everybody about waiting to speak until she'd had a chance to form her own opinion. At this point the camera hilariously pans over to Tony who's staring ahead blankly. Anyway, this never-ending saga continues with Dress #5. This one is also mermaidy with all-over lace and lacy straps. The wives are afraid to say anything now. But that's ok, because Mykelti hates it. She's glad she got her point across. Tony says she looks like a fish, and then comments that he turned down her, "'50's hair." The wives love Mykelti's updos and Robyn in particular seems mad that her hair will be worn down, and she says she'll go after Tony for this one. Robyn, please, just stay away from him. It's becoming creepy. Robyn and Tony discuss hair and I zone out until Robyn voiceovers that she's had deep conversations with Tony and seen where his heart is. Uhuh. Dress #6 is another sweetheart, sparkly bodice with more of a tulle ballgown skirt. Everyone likes it. Mykelti says yes to the dress. Tony likes it too and they hug. Christine cries. Mykelti voiceovers that she's now over the whole experience and wants to take the dress off because she's, "balls hot." On that classy note, we switch gears and Christine lets us know that she was asked to "singk" at the "weddingk" and so she's taking voice lessons. Her voice is nice, but she admits it's average, and we get to hear some vocal warm-ups with the teacher, Dr. Michelle. Christine's chosen song is Let Me Call You Sweetheart, and the key is a bit high. Christine voiceovers that she was very unsure and unexcited about Tony and Mykelti in the beginning, but that she has no regrets because she loves Mykelti and wouldn't approve of something that might hurt her. The song is a gesture that she now supports the two of them together. Christine notes that she has 10 weeks of lessons to practice before the big event. After another commercial, Meri's back at the B&B. Flashback to her awkward announcement with Kody and the wives. Meri voiceovers that Kody's afraid that Meri's emotions will overshadow any logic in this situation. He knows you so well, Meri. Christine pulls up and proclaims that the B&B is super cute. Meri has planned a girls' night at the house with the wives and her own mom and sisters. Meri comments that she's going to have to take the topic slow with Kody. Their relationship has been strained for years, and she's focusing on the ladies for now because she doesn't want him to be a logical party pooper. Bonnie, Meri's mom, and sisters arrive, and Meri reminds the wives not to spill the beans because Meri's family doesn't know about her plan to buy the house. Sorry folks, gotta go make sure that I still have a pulse! To be continued...

This juicy little deet hasn't come up on the show, so you didn't miss anything. They're still touting Christine's mom's involvement on the show. Meri's mom has only been discussed in a newspaper article IIRC and it remains to be seen whether the show will divulge this fact.

Hmm, could it be a food bank? Or a riverbank? Or a sperm bank? (sorry)

It's interesting to me that their "moon" includes an outdoor wedding in Utah in December, a taco buffet, and life-size pinatas that literally bleed ketchup, all wrapped in a shroud of maroon, silver, teal, and yellow. Different strokes for different folks and all, but seriously this is the level of stuff for which they're willing to expose themselves as total brats on national tv. If I was sitting on the family's only viable tv plot and was willing to be portrayed as demanding and entitled I would have held out for the fanciest hotel ballroom in town with a sit-down dinner and live band, or better yet a destination wedding on a beautiful beach that would have been too expensive for all the "fambly" to attend. :) Oh, and it still boggles my mind that in real life these two have already celebrated their one-year anniversary.

Over at Cynical Jinx's, she's got Kody's twitter feed and on the 7th he wrote, "Personally I wish that we could move to St George. I love the whole area. Many close friends in Utah." I wonder if this was just lip service to talk up the most recent episode, or if the Vegas bloom really is off the rose?

Jake the caterer has passed away.

For those of you who can't/don't watch, here's a brief summary of Hour 2. Y'all have already been so snarky and insightful that I'll try to limit myself to just the facts, ma'am. When Hour 1 abruptly ended, the sleepy hamster that lives inside Kody's brain had just climbed into its wheel and begun to spin slowly. In other words, it was dawning on Kody that Tony and Mykelti's wedding plans sound expensive. When the "action" resumes, the family sits down inside the country club with the coordinator. On the couch, Mykelti thinks they're going to save a lot of money by providing handmade decorations. Back at the table, Kody asks the coordinator if the club would allow Tony and Mykelti's desired taco truck. "Taco stand," they correct. Mykelti continues that the theme of the wedding is Mexican vintage, "because it sounds cool," and also because Mexician is Tony's culture and vintage is Mykelti's. Hmm, did Ancestry DNA tell her that? They actually are picturing a buffet of 5 taco stands. Kody comments that ever since they've met Tony he's apparently been big on tacos and burritos. Janelle speaks up for the first time to share in the taco love. Back at the club the conversation continues. The club doesn't allow outside catering, but the in-house staff can make tacos. Mykelti asks if they can provide 400 guests with 10 tacos each. Christine brings up worry about the cost. The coordinator is reluctant to give a price estimate per head. On the couch, Kody throws out $16,000 as a figure for the venue and notes that they'll probably all find even more add-ons that they want. However, he wants his party guests to have a memorable time and think, "The Browns? That's fun!" I'm not seeing the fun, but whatever. He goes on and on and the point is that his inner party animal is warring with this inner financial adviser. From one scintillating topic to another, we hear who Mykelti wants to officiate - just kidding! Instead, we get some random sound bites of Kody giving his thoughts on whether or not he thinks he'll be asked to officiate, whether or not the club allows an officiant to say whatever they want, and Tony's offhand comment that he wants to call his groomsmen "bros-men," to which Mykelti asks if she can call her bridesmaids, "the bitches." (Have y'all seen Murder By Death? Mentally insert Maggie Smith elegantly cooing, "Oh, that's tacky," here.) It's time to move on to the other two potential venues, but Mykelti says that she loves the club, mainly because the wedding planner is included. On the couch, Christine blathers for a bit about venues while trying to appear impartial to the the club. All I can notice is how she pronounces a 'k' on the ends of words like "weddingk" and "cateringk." Apparently Tanya, the coordinator, gave Kody the old sales line about the club being almost booked up and that the day they want is the only day available in December and it's going to be snapped up like that! On the couch Mykelti rhapsodizes further about the club and Tanya. But wait, we're not seeing what's behind door number two just yet. We're making a pit stop at the Pawn Shop where Mykelti worked. They're going to ask her old boss there, Chris, to be the officiant. On the couch, Mykelti says that they never considered asking Kody to marry them, but that she thinks he'll be ok with that. Furthermore, Chris and Kody are friends so she thinks Kody will be, "proud and humbled," by the choice. Humbled? Back at the shop the Entitlement Twins speak with Chris right at the pawn counter. He's such a great friend that he doesn't seem to know that they're still together and in fact engaged. When asked, Chris seems a bit surprised and says that he's never officiated before, but agrees and says he's excited. Then he asks if he needs to be the one to tell them about the birds and the bees and it gets a bit creepy. Later, Chris explains that when Mykelti first moved to St. George she became interested in the LDS church and nobody thought she'd have any issue joining. The church, however, decided Mykelti couldn't join through baptism because of having a public polygamist family. She voiceovers that she can still attend church with Tony. Chris concludes his segment by noting that he's one of Mykelti's, "Utah parents," and that he could kick Kody's butt. After the break we finally arrive at venue number two, which is another golf club. Kody is still shocked by the 400 guests number. Like I said, the hamster spins slowly. As they approach the door, Mykelti stops everybody to announce that Chris is going to perform the wedding. Christine is very excited. Kody is, "not bothered at all," but is very surprised that Chris was chosen. The whole Mormon thing comes up again and Kody says that Mykelti wasn't allowed to join, "because of me!" Step off, Kody, Meri has dibs on the word, "me." Back at the golf club the tour begins. They see the lawn where the ceremony is usually performed. The parents are worried about fitting in enough chairs. I'd be worried about freezing my butt off, and sensibly they also bring up that concern. This club doesn't allow outside catering either. Another re-hash of tacos. A look at the women's restroom where the bride and her eight attendants can get ready. Fascinating. Tony makes a tampon joke. Lord, help. If I didn't really like you people I'd turn the episode off right now. We move on to the third venue and not a moment too soon. This one is an event center designed for receptions. Their ceremony lawn will fit 300 chairs. On the couch, Mykelti is unsure that it would hold 400 people. Yes, Mykelti, 300 is less than 400. Gold star for you. The tour moves inside, and we see the dance hall and groomsmen's room where the gents, excuse me, bros can play video games before the ceremony. On the couch, Janelle is a bit appalled. Apparently fishing before the ceremony is cool, but video games are entirely beyond the pale. Tony asks the venue coordinator about having life-size pinatas in the shape of Tony and Mykelti themselves. They seriously want to be beaten in effigy. Ok, it's time to wrap up this nonsense and the family takes a vote on their favorite venue. There is no suspense - the first country club wins. I know you all have been clamoring for more Meri, and here she is to wrap up the episode with her dramatic announcement to Kody, Christine, and Janelle. She wants the house, and she wants their support because without their money she can't get the house, and so she is nervous and anxious. (Random observation, but when Robyn came over during the last hour, there were what looked like Fourth of July decorations near Meri's door. When this group comes over, I definitely see a fall wreath and a witch.) Kody and Christine voice over that Meri is fond of these big dramatic secret announcements, and Janelle adds that they cause her anxiety. Meri is nervous and giggly and fiddling with her dog. When she spits out the B&B idea, Christine is pretty upbeat about it while Janelle and Kody are decidedly not. They come around, however, and Janelle notes that Meri is sparkling. Christine is even more excited to hear that Annie is going to be the cook and have something to do. Kody is still hung up on the financial details, and Meri says that consultants have looked at it. Professional consultants, or fans on Twitter? She admits that occupancy has been in the 20-30% range. And while it has the benefit of being near a ski resort, Parowan is 3 hours from a major airport. Kody continues to worry about the viability of the business. Robyn voiceovers that Kody is being, "a guy," by which I suppose she means that girls get to leave their bills on the counter and not worry about that confusing numbers stuff. The hard conversation devolves when Kody's beer belly apparently pops some buttons. Then with another giggle, Meri brings them back to the money. The wives are ok, but Kody is holding out for a business plan. And again I need divine intervention, because I fully agree with Kody Brown. And God has answered my prayer, because that's the end!

Thanks for the scoop, @lettsjetts! (And I totally agree about El Gaucho, @AmyFarrahFowler. Yum!)

I'm *dying* to know what took them all the way from Vegas to my neck of the woods for New Year's. I wonder if it'll ever be mentioned on the show.