SnarkEnthusiast

As a 27-year-old virgin myself (not by choice and I don't think my untouched vagina is like, a portal to heaven's gate or whatever - people just aren't attracted to me because I'm disabled), I do kind of get Iris' perspective. Hearing the advanced sexual appetites of someone experienced who you're attracted to, from personal experience, can be very intimidating and make you feel less than. I make fun of her histrionics because her 4-year-old communication style is pathetic, but as a virgin (drink! I'm so sorry guys), doggy style is particularly scary because it sounds dehumanizing, basically "turn around so I can fuck you without looking at you - and also get rug burn!" Of course, if you have an established relationship, it's obviously a lot more fun and plenty of women also say doggy style is their favorite. and how could you not want to perpetually jump Keith's bones? The man is a smokeshow. Just ask him if he wouldn't mind starting with some basic Caucasian vanilla!

Who doesn't have a sea foam shirt kink? Anything outside the green family leaves me dry as a bone. In all seriousness, Deonna, Greg lives alone in a house built for 5-7 and has a double oven! Recognize what you have! I think she's used to using her lower sex drive to control partners, but Greg doesn't deserve it and has been nothing but accommodating of her laundry list of neuroses. Watching Iris cry over doggy style is like watching an 11-year-old cry to get out of the sex talk with her parents.

I was actually so pleased with Jonathan's growth this episode, even if the cynic in me (and Basit) knows he'd dump Basit in a hot second for Jonathan. Not sure why they were announced as a perfect match to the audience, but not the group. Brandon and Aasha have goof BFF chemistry, but no real romantic chemistry. They didn't even kiss when they were a confirmed perfect match. I can't take anything Kai does seriously because all he cares about is the power trip that he could have sex with anyone in the house, so I'm not sure why everyone continues to be so horny for him. I wanted him and Danny to be a match, but with Jonathan/Basit confirmed, the other beam has to be Max/Justin. Paige's match ceremony choices always seem completely random because no one pays attention to her.

Papi must be dumber than a bag of rocks if he actually bought Angel's lie that cocaine is "like vitamins." Their hookup was as sexy as I was hoping - I'm just mad we were robbed of the lead up! I've said it before, but Angel Curiel really does have such an emotive face, it's a joy to watch. Poor Ricky, but where the hell did his sudden sexual interest in Pray come from? The Wintour boys or even Papi I could buy, but they've spent so much time developing their father/son dynamic and Ricky/Damon feel so much younger than the rest of the cast. It's like watching a high school senior awkwardly trying to seduce his friend's dad. Gross. This would be at most a drunken hookup. I also really don't like that the affair would now occur simultaneously with/overshadow Pray teaching Ricky about life with HIV. And was Pray's weird "it gets awfully muggy in this waiting room" comment supposed to imply that the attraction is already reciprocated? Ew. He apparently needs to be reminded of the wonders of masturbation, because it's been a long dry spell if some 20-year-old horndog (who he treats as a son!!!) saying he likes daddies is all it takes to get him hot and bothered. Blanca better put a stop to this nonsense before it starts.

I know, she's so annoying but she reeled me back in!

Caro's interest in Tone basically for "having Asian features" made me cringe. I want Kyra and Emily to couple up to fuck with the show's heteronormative algorithm lol. But Emily seems straight or at least not interested in dating women, which is probably why Kyra's so into her because she loves a challenge. It is odd that there's been like 12 girls in the Villa and everyone has a boner for Kira, even as they watch her discard dude after dude. Weston suddenly making a play for Kyra came out of nowhere, and of course Kyra is horny for it because she thought Weston had friendzoned her. It makes me laugh that Kyra wants Emily but is also competing for all the men she's interested in. The bisexual chaos!

Because Garrett is white and emotionally unavailable, lol. I don't understand the point of even writing the Talon/Janzo kiss to begin with, other than repressed fanboy wish fulfillment, since the narrative loves to remind us that Talon will never be attracted to Janzo and he's basically an asexual child in her eyes.

Yeah, characters on this show display a cartoonish lack of subtlety whenever they are attracted someone. I wanted to roll my eyes into the sun when she bumped into the furniture on her way out. You were just making fun of him 10 min. ago but now you're in love with him after a one minute roleplay? I also think it has unfortunate implications that Janzo, an Indian man, is portrayed as too meek, nerdy, and impotent to be a viable love interest for the badass white lead, so they conveniently introduce an Indian woman who's also socially awkward to be his "attainable" love interest.

This always grosses me out for some reason lol. Use less foundation!!

Kyra is annoyingly indecisive and self-obsessed. I agree that her relationship habits are toxic and exhausting, but I fail to see how her being bisexual/dating a woman makes her indecisive. Not attacking you personally at all! Kyra sucks and seems like an ultra shitty girlfriend, but that's a tired bisexual stereotype. Anyone can be an attention-seeking, drama creating asshole regardless of sexuality. Plus, dating someone for 5 years is hardly just dipping your toes (or fingers...) in the lady pond out of boredom. But yeah, she's sad Cash (who became weirdly sexy to me by the end??? Please slap me) won't be around now to feed her ego every time she catches his forlorn puppy dog face while she flirts with Eric. Twitter is going to be so mad Yamen was spared again, lol. They've been out for blood since he dumped Alana. That surprised me, since everyone on Twitter seemingly can't stand Caro and her baby voice. They hate her almost as much as Yamen. RIP Katrina, you were too good for this show.

Jonathan's delusional boner for Justin cost the house $250,000, lmao. Paige is a good friend but it seems like no one in the house is interested in her romantically, except maybe Remy. Remy is my fave in the house, everyone gives him shit for being a ho but he seems like a genuinely kind man and the only real open-minded person in the house in terms of actually being willing to date anyone, especially people who have been overlooked by the rest of the house (Paige and Basit).

Exactly! It's like an odd crossover of Glee and a Dickens play.

I skipped most of this one because musical episodes are just cast showcases that do nothing for the plot and Pray's Candy hallucinations are getting straight up corny. Her funeral episode was already pushing it, and now she's his imaginary friend? Ok then.

I guess they're doing the whole "shy character finally gets a taste of power and becomes a douche until they come crashing back to earth when [insert bad event] happens" thing, which I'm guessing in this case will be getting outed as a cam girl, although the impact of that is definitely lessened by the non-event of her unknown sex tape being leaked. It thought it was significant that Ethan was the first one to focus on/care about her pleasure first, which made me even sadder that she mocked the idea he had feelings for her and was basically bullying him into mindless sex.

I agree that they might be laying the groundwork for Rue/Lexi romance, which I'm down for because Jules is cagey and exhausting. All this talk of Rue being a needy clinger picking Jules as her next addiction but at least she knows herself. Jules just seems desperate for attention but also oddly cold about it. For an ambiguously bisexual trans Manic Pixie Dream Girl, Jules sure is boring. I have nothing else to say about Mckay other than his life makes me sad and he deserves better. Kat's cruel treatment of her adorable crush Ethan continues to frustrate me, especially mocking him for being a virgin when she was a virgin what, a month ago or less? That kind of belittling wouldn't exactly put me in the mood to go down on her. You're not some sex goddess because you let old dudes jack off to you via Skype and then fucked a carnie. He was a trooper for trying. I know the narrative wants us to feel bad for Kat because she fears getting rejected again due to her weight, but she's just...such an asshole to him. And of course she ran away because she thought Ethan was stalling penetrating her because he finds her unsexy (which...ok he just ate you out) when in reality he was embarrassed about jizzing his pants. Gah! (Admittedly I don't understand why that was an obstacle - everything else is wet so who would really notice?)

Tattoo dude wins MVP this ep for calling out Caro's baby voice. Too bad he then fed into her "charm" delusion instead of being honest that every time she does that toddler act it makes guys softer than a stick of room temperature butter. Disappointed in Zac...well, acting 21. How convenient that he's suddenly bug-eyed over the new girls and sheepish about his relationship status the day after making a grand ceremony out of giving Elizabeth the "title." Kyra sucks too. I dislike Cash's smugness, but the fact that Kyra seems to get off on making people want her only to dump them for the thrill and self-created drama of stringing them along...she has time waster written all over her. Weston and Not Mallory - I feel bad for Katrina, but she's way too metropolitan and worldly for him. This new girl seems much more impressed by his country life, which he'll eat up. Yamen gets weirder every week. He and Caro are twin flames in the "hot people whose bizarre tryhard personalities ruin their sex appeal" department. He has the persona of an alcoholic 45-year-old who cheats on his wife with 19-year-old strippers.

Word has it that Demi Lovato has been flirting with him on social media, so he has one hell of a fallback option if BiP doesn't work out.

Eh, I had a little less sympathy for the guy on Evil Lives Here. I get lying to CPS because their mom was in the interview room (wtf), but he got a little older and even after he was pulled out of school, he still could've told plenty of people at work what was happening. How can you just shrug and go about your daily life in the outside world knowing your sister has been chained to a table for years, especially when she was forced to go back under with an untreated gunshot wound? The brainwashing excuse only carries you so far. That's an appalling lack of empathy.

Nate is white and Mckay is black. Nate could murder Maddy and it would still be romanticized. Nate will always be perceived as sexy and brooding, whereas Mckay will be written off for every tiny mistake.

Jules/Rue, while kind of a wet blanket for shipping fodder, is actually a pretty accurate portrayal of high school relationships/friends-to-lovers awkwardness where one person isn't really into it but feels guilt/pressure to try and make it work. Why are so many kids at this high school having sex with men in their 40s?? Re: the setting/time period dissonance, I think that's a result of writers who were already teens/in their 20s by the aughts trying to imagine these characters' early childhoods and blending it with their own childhood pop culture, which doesn't make sense if we're talking about 2011-2015ish (now I feel old). This still feels like an oversexed Skins (if that's possible) with better cinematography. Fans will fawn over Nate no matter what because he's a hot white guy.

Ah, another ray of sunshine in a string of super uplifting, not at all depressing episodes! Not really worried for Pray because Billy Porter does the most heavy lifting acting-wise by far.

This season is painfully scripted to shoehorn everything into the "CATFISH FIRST!" theme, which is mentioned at least 4 times an ep. There's no way Nev had suspicions about Taylor from their bland 5 min introduction. And Nev angrily "confronting" Taylor & co. was laughably bad acting. Tallulah did seem high.

This show continues to bore me, which is a shame because I love the delicious train wreck of The Fosters. There's zero momentum. Is every episode of the series going to feature Callie waffling between panty dropper Gael and stable Jaime? I rolled my eyes into the sun when Gael's new old boyfriend was revealed as a...secret art villain or something. Callie's vagina apparently marks you for life and you'll be miserable until you go back to her. And these "wah my rich boyfriend will bankroll everything in my life but I'm too woke/deep to settle for vapid suburbia!" plots that are supposed to make the protagonist look like a Spunky Feminist just make them look like entitled assholes. Joey is a human wet blanket. As someone above said, they're always making Alice feel bad about everything. Apparently Joey is the gatekeeper of all things queer and nothing Alice does is right. Joey and Alice's relationship is joyless, which isn't helped by weak acting. At least Lindsay's arrogance and pettiness means they'd probably be hot in the sack. Alice should go for it.

I know, that's why I swiped right when I found her on Tinder!😉

Sure, in general. But Jonathan has gone out of his way to kind of emotionally manipulate Basit by telling them they might be his perfect match and how compatible they are, only to repeatedly cite being disgusted with Basit's femininity as the reason why he "can't force himself" to be attracted to them. "Preferences" are one thing (albeit a little dicey because particularly exclusionary preferences tend to boil down to "you can't make me feel bad for not wanting minorities in my dating pool!"), but it comes off as more of a dig at Basit's gender expression than anything. Also, regardless, if Jonathan's sooo not into Basit, he needs to stop flirting with them!