CletusMusashi

Nah, they were listening when Roose made his last metaphor. And as they say in... well, knowing George R. R. Martin's aptitude for naming things, their homeland is probably called Doggeros... "Rus rad rogs rotta rick rogether, right, Ramsay? Reeheeheeheeheeheehee!"

I never even wondered about Harry driving around in a conspicuous van. Mostly I was curious why nobody seemed worried about the conspicuous BFG he was carrying! Does he also have a cloak of invisibility?

I don't know how often he feeds the prisoners, but Killer Frost was certainly not running low on cosmetics. Also: Why does he leave a great big hammer lying around next to the cages? Was that escape strategy really such a big stretch? Wally had way too many long earnest speeches this week. They need to either give him stuff to do, or quit spotlighting him every single week. We get it already. Barry has a brother. That aging at the end was kind of.. obviously fake. For just one example, if all of the hair on top of your head falls out at once, wouldn't you still have big clumps of hair sitting on top of your head? Nope, apparently it all just instantly teleports away by magic.

Alas, poor Alexander Siddig. He died proving to us that there is one thing that will never be tolerated in Dorne: quiet, subtle acting.

Conversation might leave a little to be desired, though. "You will live here now." "it is known." "The pool is good for swimming." "It is known." "Dinner is at three o clock." "It is known." Almost as bad as talking to Ygritte.

But honestly, shouldn't they have known who she was anyway? I mean, I realize they don't have internet, but they do trade with other groups occasionally, and I would sort of think it would be common knowledge by now that if you see a hot blonde chick with an enormous fucking DRAGON it's probably the Khaleesi. Did they even ask about that thing? I mean, what the hell? "Holy shit! A dragon?Hey, Khal, do you see what I'm seeing?" "Hell, yeah, dude. Boobies!"

But Joffrey did it better!

Disproportionate Character Significance. I really doubt he's the only orphan left by the Wildlings. Also, I doubt he's the only child in the Watch, considering that they were apparently going accept Hot Pie. I don't mind the Watch taking him in and giving him whatever gigs they actually give their youngest recruits. Nor do I have a problem with his actions or politics, considering what he's been through. What I have a problem with is how apparently everyone in the Watch got a letter from George R. R. Martin telling them "This is a very, very special boy who is important to the plot. Please act like he is one of Jon Snow's closest friends, because otherwise the audience will be too stupid to understand that being betrayed and murdered is an unpleasant thing. P.S. Please ignore the fact that he is an illiterate farm peasant and immediately put him on the fast track to management, even though usually you only give those jobs to people related to important nobles." And, the actor isn't very great. I mean, he's not horrible, like early Coral or that obnoxious little turd on "The Strain," but he's really just not doing anything to elevate the already questionable role that he's been saddled with. There are already complex antagonists like Thorne in that storyline. I don't need two-dimensional extras being pounded into it with anvils.

I'm just going to say Pod planned ahead and distracted them by throwing a squeaky-toy into the woods. Or some sausages. Or... whatever dogs like to chase instead of people. Brienne, Sansa, and Theon aren't exactly the smartest monkeys in the barrel, so from now on whenever their plot holes need filling I'm just going to assume Pod did it. ETA: Beaten to the guess! Damn it!

If I were Wally, I would move the hell out of there immediately. And, yeah, if necessary, take some of that damned money that Joe offered. Pay it back when you can, if that makes you feel better. But here's the thing to remember: Being in normal people's houses does not involve being attacked by Kool Aid Sharks and Evil Gonzalez.

Unless we remember Season 7. Which I choose not to.

Jon Snow is dead. Yes, but just in case anybody forgot, the title reminds us all that Melisandre is both coincidentally nearby and, with Stannis off correcting grammar for the angels, in sudden dire need of a new meal ticket. We know that clerics of her deity can reanimate the dead. So I figure her choices are: Go find the hacked up corpse of Stannis, dust him off, and enjoy his absolutely no army, or Team up with Davos and have a zany boating adventure, preferably on a pirate ship, in which they look for Gendry, assuming they even still remember him, or Figure that even if Jon Snow isn't a secret Targaryan, he still may well be the key to the north. As they say in Ashai: Sansa Schmansa! Daenerys meets a strong man. Didn't she already do this in Season 1 ? Poor Danaerys. They do like to run her in circles and call it a motif. I hope that this time, the strong man gets up in her grill and the dragon just immediately eats him. I'd also like it if she could somehow steal all the Dothraki horses, but let's be serious here. If every single one of those horses doesn't just flee for its life the second a flying dinosaur rears up and starts killing, I'm gonna have to just assume that they're blind or brain damaged or something, because no way are they trained not to be terrified of dragons. Cersei sees her daughter again. Blah! Who cares? Unless the family reunion involves Cersei on a pile of dead peasants playing Twister with FrankenMountain, I would much rather see Myrcella stuck on a zany violent road adventure with Jaime, or Bron. Or even a nice scene with Myrcella and Tommen together, while Ser Pounce gives a lecture on how, sometimes, in times of overpopulation, one must work to keep the ecosystem balanced by hunting sparrows. Meanwhile, somewhere in Braavos: Arya: I don't see anything about my story arc in that synopsis. A Man: Well, duh!

I wouldn't even complain about the story being dumb if at least it were still as enjoyable as it used to be. First of all, they're trying way too hard to wow us with how brilliantly they can pull things out of their ass by using 'time travel" and "alternate realities," without actually putting any thought into all the complications and ramifications involved. Count me as one of those people who are still not over how they erased Thawne, yet he and Star labs and everyone's memories of him still existed. Stuff like that's gonna be the main plot of the show? Yech. And second, I can still forgive stuff that doesn't make sense as long as it's a good ride along the way. Why doesn't Barry have to poop 200 times a day? Because it would get in the way of him having zany adventures every week? OK, no problem. But what happened to all the "zany?" I honestly don't think anyone, not even Cisco, made a single joke this week.

Questions I can answer: Zoom (God, no matter how many times I type that stupid name, I will always feel stupid!) intended to kidnap Iris, but when only Wally was there he had to settle for the booby (or lack thereof) prize. Wells is using the deep raspy voice to symbolize that his character is toughening up. He seems to be emulating Wesley, from "Angel," except that in this case they forgot to explain it by including a traumatic throat injury The reason Barry didn't just wait for Zoom to die is that Barry is an idiot. The reason that they had the fight on Earth 1 is that Barry is an idiot. The reason for the long conversation is that Barry is an idiot. The reason they didn't double-cross Zoom is that Barry is an idiot. Questions I can not answer: If Barry was like four times as fast as Zoom at the beginning of the episode, then how on either earth was even Barry idiot enough for Zoom to not only escape, but to outrun him, go to his house, write a message on the wall, kidnap somebody, and escape with them? If the Zoom we see now is not the Jay or "Jay" that was interacting with Caitlin, then why does this one apparently have a thing for her? I mean, wasn't there a way more interesting version of her over on his world? Is there some kind of a law that nothing associated with comic books can be fun any more? I swear, if "The Tick" were made today, they would probably kill off Arthur in the first episode. Another week of this incoherent gloom and I'm going to start hoping that King Shark comes back and eats the whole stupid lot of them.

Grodd did it first. And better.

So, wait.. was Glenn trapped in the elevator?

Back on "Angel," there was a goofy one-shot villain named Doug Sanders, a self-help "guru" and pyramid scheme swindler who became a vampire and was using his regular con game to recruit a huge army of undead minions. Negan reminds me of him. Maybe if he ever stops talking for five seconds I'll take him more seriously.

Blah blah blah Negan Blah blah buildup, blah blah speech Blah blah cliffhanger

And of course, back in the late 70s, Frank Zappa wrote a song called "Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up..."

But then again, we also saw Glenn under a pile of zombies... until they changed their minds later. And we heard Tyreese crunching his fist into Martin's face... again, until they changed their minds later. I mean, seriously, their track record of sticking to these "cliffhanger" deaths is just not all that good. Which is why, on this particular show these days, I refuse to mourn Schroedinger's Anybody.

I don't actually think we're going to have to endure a season of Negan. They toyed with an extended post-Woodbury Governor arc, but quickly proved that they didn't have the chops for it. Terminus was all buildup, and then practically nothing. I mean, seriously, fucking Dawn had more lines than Gareth did, even if most of them were about laundry. The Wolves started out interesting, and then got completely forgotten. Was all that shit we saw that they'd done really pulled off by a dozen people that Rick and Carol killed? We'll never know, because by the time the writers pull their asses out of "buildup" mode, it's time for the Big Climax. I'm sure there are other villains in the funnybooks who appear after Negan, and I'm equally sure that we will see them a lot sooner than we see any kind of serious longterm storytelling dedicated to Negan. Although I don't think he has to worry about not having enough lines.

So how does that 'half" shit even work? If they come by three days in a row, then they've got seven eighths of your stuff... if anybody can figure out the math. I mean, I get that they're obviously bad guys who take as much as they want, but if they're even pretending to play the "half" game, shouldn't there be some discussion of "half of what?" Maybe they take all the guns and bullets, half the food, half of what they think your crop harvest is, and none of Eugene's old sweaty underwear? I mean, I'm just asking. You've got one log cabin. Do they take half the walls? You've got one machete. Do they take it from you only on an odd-numbered date? Do they take one shoe the first time, and.. oh, god, not again. I remember this story. It ends with Carl eating lots of pudding.

Maggie should have stayed in town during the attack for the same reason that actual real life presidents do not fight on battlefields. She's supposed to be like the new mayor or something, so when every single leader leaves town at the same time, who the hell's in charge? Tobin? Olivia? Actually, from what we saw this week, I think it's FPP... who has a completely new personality these days. It's not character development. It's character replacement. I suggest that we continue to use the same initials, but that in the case of his more recent persona, that it stand for "Father Pod Pants." Father Pod Pants seems to be a good replacement, but I'd feel a lot better about his babysitting skills if we actually saw him with the kid more often. Instead, he's usually marching around the streets with an assault rifle bragging about what a great job he's doing of keeping an eye on Judith. Meanwhile, she's probably crawled all the way to Wolfbury. ETA: Father Podperson might be a little clearer than "pod pants," but in any case I have no intention of discontinuing the abbreviation unless, somehow, he dies in the process.

Wait, Maggie had a sister?

"How many of them have you killed?" "How many humans have you killed?" "What is the airspeed velocity of a shiny parade balloon?" But of course they'd still have to give The Knights Who Say "Negan!" half of their shrubbery.