CletusMusashi

Coral's hat is getting ready to challenge Jesus' hat for dominance.

Poor Fat Joey. Nobody loves him.

I think Michonne is as bored as we are.

(With apologies to Billy Joel) It's nine o'clock on a Sunday night The "got no life" crowd shuffles in There's an odd man standin' next to me Makin' love to his bat... that's a thang? He says: "Rick: can you sit through a monologue? I'm not really sure where it goes It ain't strong but it's long and if I get it wrong I'll keep trying til maybe it flows..." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah dumb Sing me a song, if you gotta man At least then it might have a beat And at least then it'd have a damn melody And it wouldn't take half the damn week Now Shane on the phone is a friend of mine He gets me my kids for free Carol's quick with a Bic or to light up the sick but there's no place that she wants to be But, Negan your speeches are killing me And the last time we gathered around My five foot four son grew up seven foot one Could you shorten your speechiness down? Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah dumb Now Dwight is decent antagonist who doesn't have rights to his wife and he's talking to Daryl who's locked in a barrel and probably filthy with lice and the Saviors aren't practiced at politics as the big shitstorms slowly begin Yes, they're sharing a drink called brutality but at least they talk less than Negan Sing us a song or just shut it, man Sing it or shut your trap 'Cause we're not in the mood for a monologue and you just go yap yap yap yap It's a pretty damn crowded apocalypse There's a tiger king wearing a mop and guy on a hill that calls Natalie Jill and an island where hippie girls hop But that Negan-hole's a clown from a carnival And his writing is so overblown He's invaded my show and I just wanna know Will this man just shut up and go home? Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, dumb Sing me a song if you gotta, man 'Cause it can't take as long as your speech and if you make me hear one more monologue I will kill you, you son of a beetch.

I WISH THAT ANDREA HAD KILLED THE GOVERNOR IN HIS SLEEP LIKE SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO! She does. Her public cover story is that he died of a heart attack during... whatever sexual act Robert Kirkman believes to be the most exciting. Probably touching a booby or something. But when questioned by Martinez, she's smart enough to understand that he isn't going to fall for that, so she tells him that Brillip was about to go all Game of Thrones mad king on everybody's asses and burn the whole city to death. Martinez thinks about it for a second, says "Yeah, that sounds like him," and then they have sex. It's mostly just "man on bottom, woman on top with breasts constantly covered by sheets and/or hands," but at one point she does use her feet to pliar-tweak his nipples. Milton watches through the window and claps delightedly. After that, Martinez talks to Rick, yadda yadda yadda, they even go out and play golf a few times, yadda yadda yadda. Unfortunately, Rick turns out to be a better golfer than Martinez, largely because of how many zombies he is willing to kill to go after each and every ball, and so a very strong rivalry emerges. Eventually, Sir Cornelius Dingleberry The T'ird, the owner of every corporately owned prison in Georgia, finds his way to Woodbury. He loves the place, and he loves Martinez, and adopts him as the son that he never had. Because he always had the help deported when they got pregnant. Cornelius eventually sees Andrea, Martinez, and the foot nipple pliars, and falls dead almost immediately because he swallows his monocle. And Top hat. And cane. Stories about exactly how long he was watching, and how involved he may or may not have gotten, vary a bit depending on who you ask. But, anyhoo, Martinez inherits the deed to the prison. After that, he is determined to kick Rick off the land in order to build a giant Rick-free golf course. And, by the way, all of this happens in one episode. After that, every single plot is Martinez trying to get Rick to give up the prison. Basically, every week, year after year, they have Coral tied to the railroad tracks, while Camp Dinner Bell say "Well, that's cool. At least we know where he is right now. Okay, so let's begin the prison council meeting. First up: Carol's proposal to plant beets in sector 3..." I wish Shiva could talk.

Maybe it'll be the "Walking Dead" version of "Once More With Feeling."

So.. about that zombie that was killed by a stab through the middle of the neck... have we figured out yet if that's a thing now?

The "members of Alexandria look for supplies" is not promising. That means that.. wait, let me roll a d6 for numbers and a d20 for characters... apparently Tara, Tobin, Rosita, Father Pee Pants, and special guest star Avuncular British Man With Mustache and Top Hat are going to have a.. wait..let me roll dice again... Parachuting Umbrella Zombie... in the... library... with Colonel Mustard. Which I assume is the brand of mustard that they are foraging for. In a library. As one does. Do not make me take this shit seriously! Story A is gonna be Negan, and Story B is gonna be the " lol zombie kills of the week!" Can we please get back to respectable storylines about trench-knife-wielding cookie-matrons and gigundass Kodiak tigers and ambiguously-doctorated "scientists" who will hopefully soon level up to Gilligansislesque levels of omnitech?

Well I'll be damned. Of the four shows, this one is the one that tends to strike me as putting, by far, the least effort into its writing. But in this... quadralogy? it actually pretty much singlehandedly carries the whole crossover. The other shows seem like they were told by the network that they had to do a crossover event, and blew it off in varying degrees. Supergirl: Yeah, yeah, we got your message. Just let us finish up what we're doin' here and we'll give you two minutes at the end to do whatever the hell you want. But we're not writing it. Or making it. Or giving a shit about it. (Guardian: And I can be in it. Right? Um... where'd everybody go?) The Flashes: Barry is the star, right? Okay, cool then. Oh, and you remember that Cisco is mad at Barry, right? And so later he can remember that Barry is the star? Cool. And... what do you mean, "aliens?" Are you even listening? So all the heroes gather around to worship Barry, and then right before Wally goes into an epic speech about wanting to be able to run really fast... hey, why aren't you writing this down? And what's the deal with all those bald naked cardboard puppets? (H.R: Not that we're judging! Ha ha ha ha ha ! I like coffee. And am useful, in theory.) Arrow: Well, at least we can twist it into an excuse to just congratulate ourselves on how much back story we have. Kind of weird, though, how accessible the ep was to somebody who stopped watching in late Season 1... (Wild Dog: And if they haven't seen what a raging asshole I am yet, maybe I can subtly sneak that into the plot?) Legends: We quite honestly have no agenda. We don't know who our cast is going to be next year, we don't know which of our story arcs are actually going to happen, and we neither know nor care which of our plot twists are going to actually be remembered. You want to do a Supergirl/Green Arrow/Flash teamup on our show? Hell yeah! Throw in Goofy, Zoidberg, Spiderman and Blacula while you're at it, because we seriously do not give a fuck! (Heatwave: Sounds like our show! P.S: Fuck Suicide Squad. I'd especially like to take that little clown girl and #@#&*#*!!!!)

So I guess this week is gonna be the annual Thugville Talent Show? OK, so Daryl will sing "Easy Street," Dwight will sing the "Who's the Boss?" theme.. and Negan and Lucille will be in charge of gonging. I'd like to speculate on what other songs we might hear, but the Neganlogues will eat up so much time that I don't think it will really be an issue.

Because if she was there to figure out the clues, the episode would have been about five minutes long?

She'll probably leave the island and go hunting Tara, only to get captured by Negan, meet Daryl, and become the new Beth. Except less singy and more stabby. And without the fun lollicop arc.

The beginning of the episode totally fooled me. I thought they'd cut to one of those FtWD thingies. I always liked Tara, and I'm glad to have her back. However, the weight gain is pretty obvious. Slightly distracting, yes, but it's still nothing compared to how every time they get captured by bad guys Coral is suddenly a head taller. Interesting point about how fear of reprisal by Negan makes everybody dangerous, even those who have already betrayed him anyway. They might not side with Rick on this one.. although we've still got Maggie, Michonne, and Carol.

Dear Show: Please do not bring Wally onto "Arrow" tonight. Let him stay behind and train. Oh, I'm not a complete moron; I know he isn't going to do that. You'd think that, with all his incessant whining about wanting to be able to run fast, we'd have at least seen him go out jogging a few times, but he never did. Pre-Flashpoint Wally wasn't entirely bad, but post-reset Whiny Wally just wants everything handed to him on a silver platter. Well, maybe he'll bitch the aliens to death. I've got mixed feeling about this whole "crossover event." So far: We've had a completely normal episode of Supergirl, that ends with a scene lifted from last night's Flash. So, Monday was not actually a crossover episode at all. Then, tonight, we spent half an hour shoveling people from all three shows together, just so they could face off against some antagonists from a 90s video game. How come alien baddies on Monday look like White Martians, but alien baddies on Tuesday look like... this crap? Then tonight and tomorrow, after two days of this thing being oversold on shows that I actually like, I've got to try to watch Arrow and Legends? I mean, I will. Try, that is. But my hopes are not high. Arrow always looks better in commercials than it actually is, because the only person in the commercials who ever says anything is Felicity, so that gives the impression that the entire show is her, instead of the boring other 20 people. And Legends always looks exactly as bad as it is. I'm actually hoping for this whole thing to be saved by the introduction of Joe West's half brother... Adam.

Balloons. Lots and lots of balloons.

Actually, I am so fucking sick of Negan already that I will only be truly happy if his death comes at the hands of Eugene. Or Tobin. Or Olivia.

Let's play Simon says: We could be good friends, ha, ha! Didn't say "Me says!"

Do you promise?

Only if George likes his chicken spicy. I've actually been wondering if the guy is capable of remembering more than three names. "Well, um... I'm Gregory. And I think I remember something about a guy with long hair and a beard being named Jesus. Oh, and there's a bad guy named Negan! Charles Hardwich is always talking about how scary he is on that 'Topping Death' show." Which is why the other bad guys eventually got tired of being called Natalie and Mr. Chicken and Purple Accordion Spork and said "Yeah, from now on, we're all Negan, okay?"

Where are all the skateboards? Did Marty MacFly not exist in this timeline?

I don't know how much of it is supposed to be serious, but I think right now we're pretty much in the lollicop zone.

That roller-skating scene was unforgivably stupid. Even Abraham wasn't that foolhardy. And also... roller skates? Weren't they sort of replaced by rollerblades about twenty years ago? I'm starting to wonder if TWD takes place in some sort of alternate universe where roller skates, in 2006, were still a thing, records and cassettes were still more common than CDs, and big silly mustaches absolutely never went out of fashion. Perhaps instead most of humanity's progress went into developing the nanobots that allow a hat to perpetually adapt itself to its wearer's head size.

I didn't enjoy the episode before this as much as usual (good plot progression, but just a little too serious in tone) but it looks like the show is more than back on track. Things are still moving forward, and it was funny as hell. Even little background things, like Michael's cube busting him on his white lies. Not quite sure how the cactus joke didn't get old, but somehow it just stayed hilarious. Over and over and over again.