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The Princess Bride Mafia

Meredith Quill

By Meredith Quill
in Primetimer Mafia Games

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BizBuzz

BizBuzz

Night 3
 
The Boy Who Wouldn’t Be King

In a small village lived a young boy who had a speech impediment; the other children teased him about it by mocking, pointing and laughing at him. This made him sad and as a consequence he became quiet and spoke only when he had to. As he got older the childish teasing turned to mean taunting and the young man withdrew still more. Eventually he only ever went outside when he absolutely had to. This included when he grew old enough to find a job; by this time he had determined that he would find a job that demanded respect, but every respectable job he applied to rejected him. Disheartened he searched further and further afield, until eventually one day he reached the city. Venturing beyond it’s walls in the quest for his perfect job he came across a priest. He’d seen many priests and clergymen throughout his travels, but he’d never paid too much attention to them, until now. The priest had obviously not checked his behind since he’d put his robes on that morning, and had unwittingly tucked the back of them into his undergarments! The young man, trying to hold back his laugh, looked around to see whether anyone else had noticed. He could see many people who would glance at the priest but then quickly avert their gaze. This confused him, since if this happened to anyone else, they would have been a laughing stock. Why is this pwiest so special? he wondered. Then he realized, it was because he was a priest. If he was laughed at, he could instantly smite them with the righteous hand of god. Or something. Either way, he wouldn’t be laughed at.  The young man suddenly knew the job he was destined to do and he knew he never be made fun of again. Now, how does one go about becoming a pwiest? he asked himself.

Years later, he had become a confident public speaker; all his insecurities and paranoia had long since gone, he was chosen to preside over the upcoming royal wedding and decided that he would talk about twu luv during the service.

Somewhere In The Thieves Forest

Count Rugen paced back and forth in the pit of despair, he needed to test his infernal machine, but had no subject on which to do so, and it frustrated him. He needed a baseline subject, someone unexceptional and ordinary to calibrate the settings, at present there were no ‘guests’ in residence though. 

He’d spent months perfecting it, to enable him to conduct his experimentation into the pain tolerance levels of the human body. His book needed properly supervised data before he could even think about publishing it, it was to be his coup de grace, a legacy he would leave for future seekers of truth. In frustration he slammed his fist down on the table making the papers and assorted contraptions jump. Just then the entrance door opened and in skulked the Albino, Rugen’s lackey. “Where have you been?!” he demanded. The Albino flinched under Rugen’s angry glare, “I-I-I’ve just been fetching more firewood my lord” he whimpered. Rugen snorted, “You’re fetching firewood? FIREWOOD?!” he snapped angrily, “I need a test subject for my masterpiece and you’re out fetching firewood you imbecile. Forget that, go and find me someone suitable.” he growled. The Albino looked at him agog, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish, “b-but where should I-“ he began. “I don’t care where, just make sure it’s someone ordinary who no-one will miss” he handwaved him away.

The Albino wasn’t sure what to do but he knew couldn’t return empty handed or he would be the person Count Rugen used the machine on. He walked through the seemingly deserted thieves’ forest feeling despondent, after about fifteen minutes he reached the marketplace, which was filled with people milling around in all directions. He wandered through the market filled with bodies, each of them a potential test subject. First he followed a dark haired man who seemed a little lost as he walked to and fro apparently unaware of which way to go, finally the dark haired man came to a halt in an narrow alleyway ‘perfect’ thought the Albino as he furtively approached. Out of the blue a woman appeared and they two of them began to get quite friendly, “damnit” the Albino muttered to himself. It was a couple more hours before he spotted another likely victim. A poor peasant man sat by himself on a bench looking thoroughly miserable, the Albino took his opportunity; “hello there” he said walking over to the peasant. “uh hello” the peasant replied. “You look like you need a decent meal” the Albino observed. “I’m always in need of a decent meal” the peasant lamented.

“Why do you look so miserable then?” the Albino asked.

“All of my friends thought I did something wrong and kicked me out of the village” the peasant replied sadly.

“Oh did you? Do it, I mean”  

“No but I couldn’t prove my innocence either, so here I am all alone” he mumbled.

“Well I can’t do anything about your friends but I can offer you a meal if you’re interested?” the Albino offered.

“Thanks, why not, it isn’t like I’ve got anything better to do” the peasant answered.

“Follow me then”

With that they set off in the direction of the thieves forest. Ten minutes into their journey they were in the thieves forest when they came upon 2 shady looking individuals who stopped them in their tracks. “Where do you think you’re going?” one of the shady individuals enquired. “Um, er, we, er, were just going in that direction” the Albino spluttered.  “No, no you aren’t” the first shady character grinned maliciously, “you’re coming with us” and they roughly grabbed both men. “What, what are you doing?!” the Albino cried out. “You’ve just been recruited to the crew of the pirate ship Revenge, the Dread Pirate Roberts is in need of a couple of new deckhands”.

“No you can’t do that, I work for Count Rugen!!” he screamed as they began to drag them off. The man who had hold of the Albino stopped in his tracks, “You work for Rugen?” .

“Yes I work directly for him”

“The pirate looked at his counterpart, “What say you Pete?” he asked.

“Probably not a good idea to piss Rugen off” the other pirate answered, “leave him, well just take this one but knock him out so he can’t run for help” As they dragged him away, the peasant whimpered and cried so much the pirate finally turned around to him and said “ Look, I’m sorry, I’m not doing this because I enjoy it, it’s my job… ok maybe I enjoy it a bit" he chuckled.

Pirate No1 whacked the Albino over the head with the pommel of his blade and he dropped to the ground like a sack of rotten tomatoes.

The peasant found himself aboard the pirate ship Revenge a while later. He was getting 3 hot meals per day and that was good enough for him.

Still Living Happily Ever After:

1. Oinky Boinky
2. Athena
3. Machiabelly
4. Lisin
5. The Crazed Spruce
6. stacey
8. Drogo
9. Lady Calypso
10. TJtrack99
11. MarkHB
12. caprice
14. SVNBob
15. Dougal
16. aquarian1
17. egavasc
18. CuriousParker replaced by Jesse
 
The Mostly ALL Dead:

• Jesse – Yellin, Neutral, Recruitable.
You are the leader of The Brute Squad, neither a Hero or Villain unless recruited, until then you may choose to assist the heroes or villains as you see fit. You deal with outlaws and ruffians without mercy as instructed by your superiors. If recruited you will endeavour for your side to win.

• Hanged Man – The King, A Hero, Mason with The Queen.
You are an old but kind man, slowly becoming senile, deaf, and difficult to understand… however, you are still King of Florin. Due to your ailing health, you’ve relinquished all but a few of the ruling duties to your son Prince Humperdinck, who has let the power go to his head and now looks to your neighbouring countries with greedy eyes. You have a soft spot in your heart for Buttercup because she once kissed you. Together with The Queen, you form a mason pair and may communicate outside the game thread.

• CuriousParker – removed from the game upon request replaced by Jesse.

• TMunz - A Florin peasant, a Hero.
One of Florin’s underclass, you’re nothing special (except in that trite “but everyone’s special” kinda way) and you’re none too clean, but you love your country and royal weddings. And food. Of any kind. You’re really not fussy.  You have no powers in this game.

You have 24hrs to get your night actions in.

There is one clue in the story.

ETA @ 5am on 06.16.15 ... Because I suck with following directions. ::giggle::

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formerlyfreedom

formerlyfreedom

Is the old king that forgettable?

I would love to think I have been resurrected, but I suspect I would have been told if I had been.

 

oh sowwy... wesuweckted

 

Oh, an oops, I'm sure (I had plenty of those last game, it happens when you have a co-lead, and go off your own last post). Yeah, @Hanged Man should be on the "Mostly Dead DEAD" list, and @CuriousParker should show as replaced by @Jesse. Of course, Hanged Man, you could be lurking somewhere, trying to pry the Guinness from my hand. HA. Not happening...

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caprice

caprice

Of course, Hanged Man, you could be lurking somewhere, trying to pry the Guinness from my hand....

 

If I am trying to pry a Guinness from your hand, it is to save your life by not letting you drink used motor oil...

Or he could be handing it to me so that I can make a chocolate Guinness cake for the group. Non-Guinness fans, I swear, you do NOT taste the bitterness.

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Athena

Athena

We sampled at least 16 whiskies:

 

  • Kilchoman Machir Bay (mine)
  • Oban 14
  • Johnny Walker Blue
  • Crown Royal (ugh)
  • Bunnahabhain 12
  • Amrut Fusion
  • Amrut (another one I can't remember the name of)
  • Caol Ila 12
  • Three Monkeys
  • Ardbeg 10
  • Cardhu 12
  • Jura 21
  • Washington Wheat (also mine)

 

Not whisky:

    Bols Apricot Brandy - more like a liqueur
    Gin Thuya - New Brunswick Gin

 

I’m forgetting a couple more. I really haven't drank like that in years, but none of us had a hangover the next day even!

 

I prefer smokier and peatier Scotches, but I'm not hardcore enough to buy a Laphroaig. Though, I really should have brought my Lagavulin or Talisker. Of the above, I liked the ones I own (the Wheat is really mild though), Gin Thuya, the Caol Ila, Jura, Ardbeg, Cardhu, and I liked the flavours of most of them. The Johnnie Walker Blue was the most expensive and it was really nice for a blend. The best blend I've ever had, but I wouldn't pay that much for it. I'd say it's on par with single malts just < $100.

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Oinky Boinky

Oinky Boinky

Lucky you and to have those friends.

I have a bottle of Oban 14, dont really like it - kind of no character to me.

I like Laphroaig 10 the best of Laphroaig but I have a bottle of Smokehead I love compared to it - very smoky, super smoky but very smooth.

Ive only had Jura Superstition but liked it. Starts one way and finishes very different. I keep sipping it to catch when the flavour flips. Maybe its just me.

I have a bottle of and really like Bunnahabhain 12.

Someone gave me a bottle of Crown Royal and I am trying to figure out what it is good for.

I am an Auchentoshan fan. I have 12 which is my regular keep around the house sipping whisky. I have Auchentoshan 3 wood - love it but seems you cant get it at KGBO anymore - found a bottle in Victoria. Very pretty and very rich. Lastly I have Auchentoshan Valinch special issue - cask strenght 59%. Only 1500 bottles came to Canada and I got 2.

I have a South African called Three Ships - suprisingly decent but I mostly use it to make rusty nails.

I believe I had Arbeg and liked it a lot or it was another starting with A.

(something has happened to my keyboard - lost my apostrophe)

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Athena

Athena

So many people told me they like the Oban and when I finally had it... I was underwhelmed. It wasn't bad, but I wouldn't order or buy it again. I much prefer the Lagavulin, Talisker (which is cheaper), and any of the islands.

 

I like the Laphroaid and the Arbeg, the smokey of the smokey, but I wouldn't buy it. I can't drink it every day. I could do the Caol Ila and Cardhua and maybe the Jura. Those are good "everyday" Scotches. Flavourful, complex enough, but not so smokey for a daily drink.

 

We actually went out to an LCBO for the Bunnahabhain 12 that night when one of the guys brought the Kilchoman. It's nice, but I prefer the Kilchoman and can't wait until it's actually been aged ten or more years.

 

Crown Royal is only good for cocktails. It was really bland and boring after even the more subtle Scotches we had.

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caprice

caprice

Someone gave me a bottle of Crown Royal and I am trying to figure out what it is good for.

 

Crown Royal is only good for cocktails. It was really bland and boring after even the more subtle Scotches we had.

Seriously, Crown and coke is the ONLY reason to have Crown Royal on hand.

 

I'm enjoying this whiskey conversation. m. caprice is building a small collection and has lately been moaning over the fact that Macallan is getting expensive. Even through Duty Free. That's his usual Christmas present to his father, my bil and sometimes even to my mother. So, we've got that, Lagavulin, some Caol Ila and... something else. He recently discovered our local Total Wine and went nuts.

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The Crazed Spruce

The Crazed Spruce

For dark rum have you had Goslings Black Seal

No, but I have had Kraken. And I've got half a flask of gingerbread-flavoured Screech sitting in my fridge waiting for the holidays to come back 'round. :) 

(no question mark either apparently)

Have you tried rebooting? My old laptop used to do the same thing, and rebooting usually worked.
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Meredith Quill

Meredith Quill

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Hmmm.  I have some Not Your Father's Root Beer at home that I have not tried yet.  I may make myself a root beer float.  Do you think that would be good? or just gross?

 

You too?! ;)

 

 

I am beginning to be concerned by the amount of alcohol these ladies would like us to consume.  :)

 

Ahem, not all of us are drinking sadly... :/

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Oinky Boinky

Oinky Boinky

(edited)

I couldn't get that link to open but I have one for California root beer made from Kahlua, Galliano, beer and soda that is really good. Tastes like home made root beer which is something I miss from my childhood. My dad had all the bottling gear to made the 7 kids root beer while mom used it to make home brew to party with her friends.
 

Edited by Oinky Boinky
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