Johnny Bananas: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Banana

[Lantern7]

Bumping the thread up because Johnny is a giant crybaby. Yes, still. Apparently, he keeps leaving out the part where he and Nany lost in the endgame of Battle Of The Exes II, only to come back via the lameass "Battled Of The Ex-Iled" games. No, he leaps to the part where Judas Sarah stabbed him in the back. He and Nany could have stuck it to her and Jordan, but they lost. Again. Seriously, fuck this guy.

[luckyroll3]

I just wish they were able to have electronics, so that every time he started acting like an ass someone would push play on the Bananas Backpack clip and say, "hey dude, remember this?!"

[Lantern7]

I keep meaning to blog about the current Challenge and how Johnny is lucking out yet again. I have a question for his "peers," and it's a little gross, so I'm spoiler-tagging it.

Spoiler

"Hi. So . . . what does Johnny's ass taste like? I'm curious because most of you love going in there. Is it like apple pie? Ice cream? I'm thinking it's the anal version of the Everlasting Gobstopper, where you get a multiple-course meal each time. If any of you had bloated into a giant blueberry, I wouldn't have been shocked. Seriously, don't you people know how you'll come off when you whip down this shorts and go in for the hundredth time? You don't even bring jam or syrup. Amazing."

ETA: I'm missing the obvious, and I hate myself for it.

Spoiler

Johnny's ass tastes like banana. That's how he got his nickname! It all makes sense!!

[Lantern7]

So . . . where does Johnny rank in the Pantheon Of Scumbag Reality Show Characters? I'd rate him high on the list, but I confess that I see less and less reality TV these days, so a lot of bullshit probably goes unnoticed by me. But he's as bad as Jon Dalton from Survivor. You have to give me that. Jon had his moment of getting his ass beat by a Boy Scout leader, Johnny had CT backpacking him like a boss.

It would be so much easier if BMP just gave Johnny a cardboard check at the start of every Challenge. It would save so much on production and booze.

[Lantern7]

Listening to Bill Simmons' podcast with Johnny. For the hell of it, I looked through all of Johnny's appearances on Wikipedia. I calculate that he has played with 145 other Challengers, dating back to The Duel. I think that's a record for the show.

[BK1978]

On ‎8‎/‎4‎/‎2016 at 7:38 PM, Lantern7 said:

So . . . where does Johnny rank in the Pantheon Of Scumbag Reality Show Characters? I'd rate him high on the list, but I confess that I see less and less reality TV these days, so a lot of bullshit probably goes unnoticed by me. But he's as bad as Jon Dalton from Survivor. You have to give me that. Jon had his moment of getting his ass beat by a Boy Scout leader, Johnny had CT backpacking him like a boss.

It would be so much easier if BMP just gave Johnny a cardboard check at the start of every Challenge. It would save so much on production and booze.

I never really disliked Fairplay, I thought Fairplay was more pathetic than anything else.  Johnny on the other hand is someone I dislike (Which is odd because I liked him on his original Real World season.).  Where does he rank in the Pantheon?  Tough to say, you opinion is probably different than mine.  I would say he is not at Richard Hatch level but he is hovering somewhere below that level.

[Lantern7]

Well, I'm sure Johnny would pay his taxes.

I'm going to work on the Johnny bit on my blog. I'm thinking he's popular in part because he's a rogue (a la the Duke Boys), most of his rivals suck (especially Wes), and BMP coddles him. Susie might be incorrect in saying that Johnny took Adderall overnight in the final mission, but that's something I can't put past him. It's a matter of personal bias . . . I can't bear to give him one iota of credit when he wins, even though he's got the record of six.

ETA: I forgot that BMP fined him for the Adderall. They didn't give the two points to Sarah, they didn't give the $275K to her . . . they just fined him. What, would making him chug Red Bull have been seen as "too obvious"?

[BK1978]

10 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Well, I'm sure Johnny would pay his taxes.

I'm going to work on the Johnny bit on my blog. I'm thinking he's popular in part because he's a rogue (a la the Duke Boys), most of his rivals suck (especially Wes), and BMP coddles him. Susie might be incorrect in saying that Johnny took Adderall overnight in the final mission, but that's something I can't put past him. It's a matter of personal bias . . . I can't bear to give him one iota of credit when he wins, even though he's got the record of six.

ETA: I forgot that BMP fined him for the Adderall. They didn't give the two points to Sarah, they didn't give the $275K to her . . . they just fined him. What, would making him chug Red Bull have been seen as "too obvious"?

Funny that was a problem with one of the past seasons of Big Brother.  One of the contestants was hoarding Adderall for the challenge so she would do well in them.   

[Lantern7]

From the Media thread . . .

58 minutes ago, jsm1125 said:

I kind of wish someone would point blank explain why John is such a ratings gold mine, as I find him incredibly tiresome to watch.

I'm trying to get enough momentum to "explain" Johnny. on my blog I think people love a rebel that wins a lot more than he loses. Explains why The Dukes of Hazard was so popular. Here, Wes would be Boss Hogg. My other theory: Johnny has an illness where he'll be perfectly healthy for years, then pass on in a manner more excruciating than Diem. That's why damn near everybody bends over backwards like triple-joined contortionists to let him win. And people like Wes and Sarah aren't let in on that nugget in order to make the show more "real." He would still benefit from an ass-kicking, because people in "real life" would not put up with his entitled bullshit for long.

ETA . . . for those picturing Wince as Daisy . . . I am very sorry.

[Lantern7]

Bad news: I poked around next week's schedule, and MTV will be airing a "Hall of Fame" special on the most rotten banana after the Challenge episode. I'm guessing all of the "Champions" will be covered, but it's still a little nauseating.

ETA: I don't think Johnny used any of the $275K to buy humility. Of course.

[luckyroll3]

I won't be watching that.

Edited February 9, 2017 by luckyroll3

[Lantern7]

I think Johnny would be on camera, unlike CT and his special. "Good evening. My name is Johnny Bananas: man, myth, legend. You notice that I have my pants down, and a woman is doing naughty stuff with me. This is not my girlfriend, and I hope you don't tell her about this. I like it. Sarah paid for it, you know."

ETA: You know what I hate? When Johnny announces his decision, you can see Sarah break the instant it happens. So sad. She probably tried steeling herself for the possible betrayal, but I think that she figured she and the bastard had bonded enough to the point where they would be square.

[Lantern7]

Bumping up because there's no thread for Johnny's "Hall of Fame" special. I'm watching the dog show on Fox Sports 1, and I recorded the episode despite my utter disdain for the asshole. I have flipped to MTV a few times. Of course, Johnny has on-camera segments . . . as opposed to last week, where we didn't see CT, and BMP probably recruited a Masshole to do his voice. Also, the highlights aren't in chronological order; they start with Johnny's latest win and betrayal of Sarah. Seriously hoping she jacks him up someday.

ETA: Seriously, watch the bit from Rivals III. Only thing you need is Bart Simpson pointing out the exact moment Sarah's heart (and mind) breaks.

[hjmugillecuty]

Will someone punch Bananas really hard right in his annoying face for me? Thanks, bye

[Lantern7]

Started watching the special. Shut it off about three minutes later when he started with Sarah. In case you're new, here's why I'm shocked blood doesn't gush from my head holes hearing this shit.

1. On Battle Of The Exes II, Johnny & Nany got eliminated. But because BMP is 95 assholes, they did a thing where ousted pairs fought to get back in the game. And because the field was mostly cream puffs, "Banany" got back into the game. And notice that nobody ever brings this up. Ever.

2. Sarah (and, by association, Jordan) did not eliminate Johnny & Nany. She sent them to the final elimination round, where they lost to Leroy & Theresa. Johnny had a chance to make the final. But he and Nany failed. Again.

3. So when Johnny & Sarah were teamed for Rivals III, I figured maybe Johnny would be a man for once. But no, Sarah expressed remorse in doing Johnny dirty, despite the fact that she was playing to win the game (helps if you say it out loud like Herm Edwards), and Johnny ate it up. And when they won the season, Johnny elected to keep all of the money.

3a. Oh, and Johnny apparently took Adderall during the final mission to keep awake and earn more points than Sarah. He was fined for that. That was it.

What sucks harder is that Johnny has no natural predator. I know, there's CT, but Christopher's father technically only beat him once in Rivals II. He was a glorified obstacle in Cutthroat. He and Adam got beat in the final endgame by Johnny & Tyler in Rivals. And Johnny beat CT in Free Agents. CT can probably outdo Johnny in "real life," but Johnny excels in his bubble, which sucks hard.

[Ladystardust]

On 2/17/2017 at 11:08 PM, Lantern7 said:

Started watching the special. Shut it off about three minutes later when he started with Sarah. In case you're new, here's why I'm shocked blood doesn't gush from my head holes hearing this shit.

1. On Battle Of The Exes II, Johnny & Nany got eliminated. But because BMP is 95 assholes, they did a thing where ousted pairs fought to get back in the game. And because the field was mostly cream puffs, "Banany" got back into the game. And notice that nobody ever brings this up. Ever.

2. Sarah (and, by association, Jordan) did not eliminate Johnny & Nany. She sent them to the final elimination round, where they lost to Leroy & Theresa. Johnny had a chance to make the final. But he and Nany failed. Again.

3. So when Johnny & Sarah were teamed for Rivals III, I figured maybe Johnny would be a man for once. But no, Sarah expressed remorse in doing Johnny dirty, despite the fact that she was playing to win the game (helps if you say it out loud like Herm Edwards), and Johnny ate it up. And when they won the season, Johnny elected to keep all of the money.

3a. Oh, and Johnny apparently took Adderall during the final mission to keep awake and earn more points than Sarah. He was fined for that. That was it.

What sucks harder is that Johnny has no natural predator. I know, there's CT, but Christopher's father technically only beat him once in Rivals II. He was a glorified obstacle in Cutthroat. He and Adam got beat in the final endgame by Johnny & Tyler in Rivals. And Johnny beat CT in Free Agents. CT can probably outdo Johnny in "real life," but Johnny excels in his bubble, which sucks hard.

Props to you for getting through three minutes. I deleted it from my DVR immediately. He makes my blood boil. Although Sarah can be irritating and rub people the wrong way, I do believe she is truly a person who tries to get along with people and that her remorse was genuine. I think she really struggled with the decision to throw Nany and Johnny in - unlike Johnny who screws people over without a second thought. That's what made it so much harder to stomach. And the fact that he will. not. shut. the. fuck. up. about. it. 

[Juliegirlj]

Johnny is delusional if he really thinks what Sarah did is the same thing as what Johnny did. Johnny and Sarah were on the same team. The showrunners suck for pulling this crap and Johnny should have been disqualified for drug use. Obviously he is the favorite of the producers and they manipulate the show and bend the rules to further him. 

No one on the show should EVER trust or align with Johnny. He's not a banana he is a snake. 

[Unclejosh]

Yeah most of the cast would never be allowed on if they did drug tests like it was a real sporting event.  Pretty much every male who has ever won these things has been on something at some point in their history and probably a bunch of the women too.  All of the returning male champs have been on either roids, trt, or coke/pills on challenges, and I would bet my life on that.

Edited March 2, 2017 by Unclejosh

[Juliegirlj]

I get the "don't ask don't tell" mentality because drug testing everyone would mean many of them would be disqualified but didn't producers actually find Adderall in Johnny's possession- and fine him for it? 

[Tatum]

23 hours ago, Sonoma said:

Yes, and they've also found and fined others players in the past. It's just never made public. 

I can't confirm if it's true but I heard Sarah was "banned" because she made this information public and for leaking other information about the show. Not sure if it's a permanent or temporary ban, not that it matters.

I am really curious about this. What sort of leaks did she provide? The reason I ask is that I remember listening to her podcast last year, and it was before the finale aired but after it happened, so Sarah would have been already hosed by Johnny  but this was not public information yet. Sarah is telling Susie that Susie should give Johnny another chance and that he's actually a really good guy. That was what led me to think that Sarah really did get her half of the money and that her anger was just for the show, because while she may not have been allowed to bitch about Johnny, she didn't have to sing his praises on her podcast either. But Sarah seemed legit angry at the reunion, so...I don't know?

[Juliegirlj]

Yes I believe Sarah burned her MTV bridges when she spilled it about Johnny being fined for Adderall possession. She very likely was finished doing challenges anyway and figured she would bring down the house with her exit. 

Color me naive, but I am betting Johnny feels bad about what he did- but this is his job and the show must go on. (Not saying it was ok-he is a sell out shitheel) 

[Unclejosh]

Pretty sure CT was caught stealing prescription meds from some of the women in Challenges past, no?  I think it was Coral caught him.

Edited March 8, 2017 by Unclejosh

[Lantern7]

This is from the Media thread . . . apparently, the Canadian Doughboy got married, and Johnny was hoping to attend the nuptials.

1 hour ago, Sonoma said:

Evan, Kenny, and Johnny are all still close.  I heard Johnny was going to bow out of this Challenge early with an "injury" or by throwing an elimination if he wasn't legitimately eliminated by the time of the wedding.  We'll see!

How much do you want to bet that BMP took Teege aside and told him not to lay into Johnny? Assuming this actually happens for that reason. I really can't see the rules applying to everybody else and Johnny.

[Hiacios]

F**k Bananas!!!!! That piece of shit!!!! 

[Unclejosh]

Please do not hold back. Tell us your real feelings.  

[Lantern7]

Still not liking Johnny. Still don't think the rules apply to him. The following is something I totally see happening.

"You're wondering why I've come here today. Last night, after the challenge, I went back to where I stay between episodes. In case Bananas didn't tell already you, he was fucking my girlfriend*. I heard the racket before I entered. I could hear her scream 'TJ WHO?!?' over and over again. He didn't even try to run away, grinning as he dismounted and walked out. Bananas, you crossed a line. However, I talked with the staff, and you will be staying in Invasion Of The Champions. Make no mistake . . . when filming wraps, I will hunt you down like a dog. You went balls deep into my lady, and you have to pay like nobody has made you pay before. But I can't do it here. Instead, at the insistence of Jonathan Murray himself, I have to present you a check for $50,000. It's all yours, win or lose. Good luck in the game, and watch your fucking back when you get home."

*Girlfriend, wife . . . whatever he's got.

[Lantern7]

Heads up . . . MTV will rerun the Johnny special after tonight's episode of The Challenge. Just letting you know in case you want to miss it on purpose.

[luckyroll3]

18 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Heads up . . . MTV will rerun the Johnny special after tonight's episode of The Challenge. Just letting you know in case you want to miss it on purpose.

Thanks for the warning!

[OnceSane]

21 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Heads up . . . MTV will rerun the Johnny special after tonight's episode of The Challenge. Just letting you know in case you want to miss it on purpose.

*dead*  Thanks, @Lantern7!

[Lantern7]

Started watching the "Epic Fails" special. I got to the part about quitters. Clip of Trishelle bailing from Rivals II and Sarah sobbing about wanting a good partner. Cut to Johnny:"Be careful what you wish for, because you might just get it!" You know something? If one of the Pros in the upcoming special stomps him into oblivion, I would gladly pay to see that. What an obnoxious fuck. And Cara Maria should be ashamed for not trying hard enough to stifle a laugh.

ETA: Before that, they showed Jordan's failed attempt to take Johnny down. I know, the guy is a butthead, but if his gambit succeeded, he would've been a hero. Instead, Johnny won, and he basically pull his shorts down and jacked it like he always does. I don't know what it would take for me to like that asshole. Also . . . I wasn't watching the special "live." When they showed Johnny bathing in Sarah's pain, MTV picked that moment to inform us on Big Black's death. If I wasn't watching Agents of SHIELD at that time, I might have wrecked the TV.

[Lantern7]

Are you in Atlantic City tonight? Do you need an excuse to leave Atlantic City? Then you might be interested in this.

[Tammee]

So I was just watching American Dad (yes animated, yes Mcfarlane, ) wanna do something about it ????  :)  kidding

Anyway it was a parody of all the good reality shows.  The main race was called 'the Bitchin Race, based on Amazing Race. Then theres a Challenge and who comes out to lead the tour, Johnny Bananas!  I have to rewatch the end, I didnt see it.  But they had a challenge game. Too funny. Someone's a fan for sure.

[Lantern7]

Dunno where else to post: apparently, CBS is going to do a "celebrity" edition of Big Brother, and Johnny is going to be cast for it. Unless we have Sarah breaking onto the set with a crowbar and malice, I'm not interested. He would totally have it coming.

[neenyah]

21 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Dunno where else to post: apparently, CBS is going to do a "celebrity" edition of Big Brother, and Johnny is going to be cast for it. Unless we have Sarah breaking onto the set with a crowbar and malice, I'm not interested. He would totally have it coming.

Do you have a source for this? Were there any other spoilers about who might be on the show?

[Lantern7]

1 hour ago, neenyah said:

Do you have a source for this? Were there any other spoilers about who might be on the show?

Facebook. I only recognized one of the other names outright. Since it's not confirmed yet, I won't say it without spoilers. I also heard speculation that Mark Long was getting ready, but I don't think he's "celebrity" enough . . . which kinda sucks because he's way better to watch than Johnny, even in his last few Challenge appearances where he looked like a choad. Chode?

Spoiler

That "New York" lady from Flavor of Love, which would make CBB a trainwreck of epic proportions. I know, that was forever ago, but damn . . .

[Lantern7]

For anybody watching The Tonight Show on a regular basis . . . Johnny is going to appear next Tuesday. I just didn't want anybody to be caught unaware. Apparently, Jimmy Fallon has crap taste in reality TV personalities.

[neenyah]

On 11/16/2017 at 4:12 PM, Lantern7 said:

For anybody watching The Tonight Show on a regular basis . . . Johnny is going to appear next Tuesday. I just didn't want anybody to be caught unaware. Apparently, Jimmy Fallon has crap taste in reality TV personalities.

I have to admit, although I can't stand Johnny, I set this to record. Has he ever done any late night talk before or anything "real" beyond MTV? I wonder if this is some sort of publicity before Big Brother Celebrity edition that he's rumored to be on.

[Lantern7]

Just in case you haven't hated Johnny lately . . . this is from his Twitter.

Quote

Hey @JustJem24 how does it feel to know you're not the only grenade in the house anymore? #thechallengevendettas

Seriously, he runs his mouth everywhere and he doesn't seem to hide a lot. How has he not been pummeled for this long?

[Lantern7]

To review: Johnny planned "NoteGate" at home. With Mark Long, which is also sad. Johnny got his sister to write random, nasty notes. And then he just started placing them around the house, and everybody goes apeshit about it. Oh, and he's looking to make money for of his "idea."

Question: Was there any advantage to be gained, aside from getting camera time and looking so clever? I think this parallels Survivor: Pearl Islands, when Jon Dalton got his buddy to like about his grandmother's death in the "loved ones" challenge. There wasn't a point to the notes beyond Johnny being a dick. Basically, this is him throwing pillows at everyone's heads, and it's pathetic. Please tell me I'm not alone on this.

[luckyroll3]

I'm just surprised he didn't find a reason to say "Note-orious" during the show.  He needs to go away.  

[Peper81]

The note thing just seemed so incredibly stupid and juvenile for a person in their thirties.  How, as a grown adult, do you spend that much time at home thinking and planning such a stupid idea?  This is what high-school kids do not adults.  Make him go away, please!

Edited February 15, 2018 by Peper81

[Jobiska]

16 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Question: Was there any advantage to be gained, aside from getting camera time and looking so clever?

He also got a devil-graphic from the editors!  

Ugh.  No, you're not alone.

[Lantern7]

Screencaps of Johnny pitching, followed by Cara Maria's responses. For the second one . . . I'd like to see that. I'd even pay to see that happen.

[Lantern7]

Well, Johnny is out . . . at least this season. Once again, he's a complete prick who considers any move made against him to be a severe crime. You could punch a family member he loves in the face, and he wouldn't swear vengeance to the degree he did last night. As much as I feel Tony should get a job and a life of his own, I would understand if he felt that he had to come back. If he retires after Vendettas, Johnny wouldn't be able to pay him back. You know how I joke about Abram killing drifters? I can totally see Johnny cutting Tony's break lines, because he needs to get even.

Basically: fuck Johnny.

[dangwoodchucks]

Yet another final he won’t make it to. I still chuckle about John not even making it to the final of Dirty XXX, the challenge with the largest ever prize, won by Jordan. How many challenges did you have to win to make that much cash, John (not counting what you stole from Sarah)?

[Lantern7]

So . . . Johnny showed up in Minneapolis to run on American Ninja Warrior. Well, that aired tonight . . . and they didn't show his run. At all. I figured that he'd at least warrant a "While We Were Away" highlight, where failed runs are done away with in mere seconds. Nope Not even that. Is it wrong that I'm happy with that bit of editing?

[BK1978]

3 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

So . . . Johnny showed up in Minneapolis to run on American Ninja Warrior. Well, that aired tonight . . . and they didn't show his run. At all. I figured that he'd at least warrant a "While We Were Away" highlight, where failed runs are done away with in mere seconds. Nope Not even that. Is it wrong that I'm happy with that bit of editing?

I did not even know about this.  To answer your question, no it is not wrong because I feel the same way.  Unless both of us are wrong...nah we cannot both be wrong.

The funny thing is, I was actually a fan of Johnny during his Real World season.  Granted it was so long ago I cannot remember why I was.  Heck, I remember nothing about that season at all.  I did not start to dislike Johnny until he showed up on this show.

[ghertigirl]

Quote

The funny thing is, I was actually a fan of Johnny during his Real World season.  Granted it was so long ago I cannot remember why I was.  Heck, I remember nothing about that season at all.  I did not start to dislike Johnny until he showed up on this show.

I was too (I still do actually admire his gameplay), and I think it had largely to do with how he handled Paula.  If you will recall, she was an awful drunk and had an eating disorder and I think for a guy in his young 20s, he handled her as compassionately as he could in spite of the fact that she was constantly attacking him.

[Lantern7]

Got an answer: he ran. He just didn't run-run. Also, I kinda want to punch him in the face because of his new gig. Only way I'd watch is if Sarah storms the set to put the hurt on the limpest banana.

[Lantern7]

Found out on Facebook that Johnny will be coming to DragCon in New York in late September, and he will be getting a "full on drag makeover" from Ginger Minj. I'm guessing this will be for 1st Look.