S09.E15: Beheading St. Valentine

[Primetimer]

Matt tells the women in his life that he loves them both. Somehow, neither of them is happy about it.

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[Primetimer]

We've collected all the most important imagery from 'Beheading St. Valentine'!

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[Kimmykun]

Cleavern aside, Donna looks really pretty in these pics.

Also, Steve's shoulders.

[Kerfuffler]

HAHAHA IT'S SO FUNNY THAT SHE MISSED POP CULTURE HAPPENINGS BECAUSE OF HER MENTAL ILLNESS, LET'S MINE IT FOR ALL THE JOKES! Of all the horrible takes on serious issues the show has had, this story line might be making me the angriest. 

Even when Donna has a good line, she ruins it because she can't enunciate. I suppose Season 9 is too late for me to hope she'll ever start hitting her consonants.

[meggonzo]

Gina's bra looks like it came from the same collection as Donna, Brenda, and Celeste's red, white, & blue from the season 4 finale.

[TeeVee329]

I mean, Tara and Sarah said it perfectly - Kelly did get dicked over by Matt, but she's so hateful in general and so hateful toward Lauren specifically here that it's impossible to feel bad for her.  And again, what is her function at the boutique?  Sean Donely paid for her college education so she could do a 16-year-old's after-school job?

Oh goody, the periodic "Donna and/or David step away from their current partners and consider each other again" plot.  Ugh.

Edited November 5, 2018 by TeeVee329

[Earmuffs Mom]

2 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

I mean, Tara and Sarah said it perfectly - Kelly did get dicked over by Matt, but she's so hateful in general and so hateful toward Lauren specifically here that it's impossible to feel bad for her. 

I have never ever ever ever seen how Matt and Kelly could have this deep, abiding love all of a sudden.  I think Kelly's just pissed she was so screwed over by someone she thought she had wrapped around her catbutt mouth finger.

[TeeVee329]

2 minutes ago, Earmuffs Mom said:

I have never ever ever ever seen how Matt and Kelly could have this deep, abiding love all of a sudden.

Especially when you consider how all up on Dylan Kelly was, smooching him and the like, what, four episodes ago?

[ZeroDiscipline]

How could all of these things happen to Matt and Lauren in just 3 years time?????? 

[Nanna]

come on, Dylan, you’re supposed to be so cool in your European ways: You don’t take an espresso to go. You order it, you drink it. Sigh.
On the other hand, I’m so happy that the book finally mentioned Luke Perry’s pet pig. That was really the big thing in all the teenmagazines at the time. He’s so cool and quirky, he has a pet pig!

[KWalkerInc]

16 hours ago, Kerfuffler said:

Even when Donna has a good line, she ruins it because she can't enunciate. I suppose Season 9 is too late for me to hope she'll ever start hitting her consonants.

All that time she spends with Noah isn't going to help!

[ZeroDiscipline]

I am going to admit that I very much enjoy Aaron Spelling casting his former stars in these roles. I love that Bernie Koppell is in this. All of the "adults" he casts are TV vets from his old shows, all the parents and parents' friends and occasional doctors, lawyers, drug counselors, etc. They are good actors, and while too good for this shit, I am glad to see that Aaron Spelling was loyal to them and they got these jobs so they could keep their SAG cards and health insurance. It's tough out there for an aging actor.

[Earmuffs Mom]

On 11/5/2018 at 3:40 PM, TeeVee329 said:

Especially when you consider how all up on Dylan Kelly was, smooching him and the like, what, four episodes ago?

And spoiler alert - they are going to bang again either in the next episode or the one after.  

On 11/5/2018 at 4:03 PM, ZeroDiscipline said:

How could all of these things happen to Matt and Lauren in just 3 years time?????? 

Before paying more attention in the details, I always had the impression Matt was a bit older, late twenties, maybe 30.  

The time line is ridiculous.  As discussed in the last episode, Matt could not have applied, been accepted, and completed "law school" (because his diploma says no), studied for and passed the bar in another state, moved across the country, established a practice and connections with many lawyers, and come off as a seasoned attorney in a little more than 3 years. 

[atlanticslide]

On 11/5/2018 at 12:33 PM, Kerfuffler said:

HAHAHA IT'S SO FUNNY THAT SHE MISSED POP CULTURE HAPPENINGS BECAUSE OF HER MENTAL ILLNESS, LET'S MINE IT FOR ALL THE JOKES! Of all the horrible takes on serious issues the show has had, this story line might be making me the angriest. 

Even when Donna has a good line, she ruins it because she can't enunciate. I suppose Season 9 is too late for me to hope she'll ever start hitting her consonants.

Seriously. She's not a quirky time traveler, she was in a hospital due to mental illness. Also, I have a lot of trouble believing that she was in a constant dissociative state for three years and then suddenly just snapped out of it and was allowed to go home five minutes later, and yet she's acting like she just "woke up" last week.

[yousetmeupyoucrud]

On 11/5/2018 at 11:33 AM, Kerfuffler said:

Even when Donna has a good line, she ruins it because she can't enunciate. I suppose Season 9 is too late for me to hope she'll ever start hitting her consonants.

Yeah I'm not even sure if Vanessa Marcil is a good actress or not, but everyone else is soooo phoning it in at this point that by comparison she's like Meryl fucking Streep. 

[Jax7917]

As much as I loathe Kelly's character , I thought Jennie garth acted her part really well . Whenever she was sad or annoyed at something she played the part well , whenever she was a bitch . I believed she was a bitch ... which was 95 % of the time . 

Tori on the other hand was so bad that I felt second hand embarrassment most of the time .. the constant whisper , the lack of tears .. oh boy it was bad . The only time she was cute and played her part well was when she was bubbly , happy Donna . 

[GrahamV]

On 11/10/2018 at 10:23 PM, atlanticslide said:

Seriously. She's not a quirky time traveler, she was in a hospital due to mental illness. Also, I have a lot of trouble believing that she was in a constant dissociative state for three years and then suddenly just snapped out of it and was allowed to go home five minutes later, and yet she's acting like she just "woke up" last week.

That's what bugs me most about this storyline too! I'm not a mental health expert, but I know that schizophrenia is not generally something that you can just snap out of, even with medication. It is an extremely serious mental illness that usually requires a lot of medication and care to stay on top of. They got a few things right (it usually emerges in late teens or early twenties), but the way they e described her recovery is so far off the mark. It makes me wonder why they didn't just go with a mental illness that *is* more manageable. Or just find another reason to have had Lauren be away from Matt for three years. 

[Jax7917]

My main question with that storyline is , if they’ve been apart 3 years and got married before that , how old were they when they got married ? I think I remember Matt being the same age as the others, which would’ve put him at 23? when he met them .. he said they were college sweethearts so the timing is a little weird .. unless he’s older than the rest of the gang . 

[GHScorpiosRule]

16 minutes ago, Jaclyn88 said:

My main question with that storyline is , if they’ve been apart 3 years and got married before that , how old were they when they got married ? I think I remember Matt being the same age as the others, which would’ve put him at 23? when he met them .. he said they were college sweethearts so the timing is a little weird .. unless he’s older than the rest of the gang . 

Unless Matt was some genius with a very high IQ, that enabled him to go to law school when he was a teenager, he should have been a few years older. Typically one is 25 when they finish law school. Plus he'd been practicing for how long?

Or, you know, PLOT HOLE.

[Jax7917]

On 5/19/2020 at 9:10 AM, GHScorpiosRule said:

Unless Matt was some genius with a very high IQ, that enabled him to go to law school when he was a teenager, he should have been a few years older. Typically one is 25 when they finish law school. Plus he'd been practicing for how long?

Or, you know, PLOT HOLE.

And why was he the poorest lawyer to ever exist